To You, an Admirer
by Sophie-Lou
Summary: Albion is on the verge of war. Arthur and Gwen fall in love and their entire world is set to change forever, especially when they come to the attention of Uther. Meanwhile Merlin tries to help Morgana decode a recurring dream telling of doom.
1. Part 1

**PLEASE NOTE TO ALL OLD AND NEW READERS I am currently working through this story to re-write so bits and fix some mistakes where and there within the fic. Note that as always LiveJournal has the most update and best quality of this story so you should go there for more frequent updates. Can you all please note also that because the narration breaks in the story have (for some reason) been taken out... so I've had to trail through the whole start and put them back in.**

* * *

It had started with a letter. Very few people knew that. It was one letter and one mistake. There few people in the world who would imagine timid little Gwen finding the courage to write about her feelings to the boy she liked and even fewer people who imagined bold Guinevere worrying over what to put in a letter to anyone, even if it was to the boy she had a crush on.

Yet this was how the whole thing began, one evening in early spring.

Gwen sat at the table by her bed, hand to her mouth, shyly contemplating whether or not she would be able to write down her feelings. They embarrassed her, like a schoolgirl in love. That was how she felt; it was how she always felt when she had a crush.

Eventually she picked up the quill, dipped it in ink and began, for the third time, to draft her enamoured confession.

_I can't believe it's taken me this long to write—_

No, thought Gwen.

_You know that I am awkward with words but you are the only one who doesn't seem to know why. Everyone else knows how I feel, except you. I know it's just the way you are so I decided the only way to make you understand would be to write it down…_

Gwen stopped to consider what she had written so far. It was hard for her not to chuckle coyly under her breath. She touched her warm cheeks with her cold hands; they were flushed from the emotion. Just say what comes from the heart, she thought. Finally she cleared her throat and went on writing.

_I feel braver safer in putting my feelings to paper. I'm worried what you would think if I said it to you face. Every time I see you I feel all light inside, my blood feels as if it's burning in my veins…_

That sounds both desperate and stereotypical, Gwen thought. She knew that burning sensation was common and was spoken about all the time in love letters and poetry. She scribbled it out and decided to rephrase:

_Every part of me aches every time I see you smile and that makes me feel all the lighter. It would be an understatement to say that you are the sweetest individual I know…_

"'Understatement', come on Gwen!" she groaned.

At that moment her father, Tom, popped his head around the door. He had heard her and wondered what was going on. "Are you alright, Gwen?"

Gwen lent over the letter, embarrassed, and smiled, "Yes, I'm fine. I'm perfect, brilliant. I'm just... thinking. Dinner will be on soon. Mushroom soup."

Tom smiled, "Sounds lovely."

He left and Gwen took a deep breath. She twiddled the quill between her fingers, feeling too self-conscious to write some of the things in her head. It was no different from when she was face to face with him, backtracking and making a fool of herself. It was not even the thought of Merlin reading it that scared her. It was just her feelings. Even in her diary she never dared write his name.

She pressed the pen to the paper and her nervous hand managed to write the words:

_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…_

Once she had written it she felt as if she could write it a billion times. She read over her scribbles again, deciding how to phrase it into the letter. After another moment of contemplation she began writing again, her hand feeling freer:

_I love you. If that comes as a surprise then I have nothing else to say other than I love you._

Her hand now felt loose and she began write more:

_I know I'm not as beautiful like that Cara was or Lady Morgana is but I have always tried best to make you see that I'd do anything for you. I thought you might have guessed after what happened with the chalice but you obviously didn't see it. I understand why you don't get it. I sometimes wonder if my love is truly in vain. But I won't lie to you anymore. I won't lie. I adore you..._

Now I'm babbling, Gwen thought. She threw the quill down and buried her face in her hands. "He's going to think I'm a lunatic!"

_You said I wouldn't know the right man for me if he was standing right next to me, but I do. I love you._

"Now I _really do_ sound like a lunatic!" she muttered.

_I love your good well-meaning nature, your angelic face and your good heart. You could probably do much better but I could never love again. This letter is the only way I could make you see without you thinking I was joking._

She took another piece of paper ready for the final version while she considered what she would say for an ending.

_I'm sorry if this letter came as a surprise to you but the last thing I want to do is embarrass you. If you felt what I felt right now, you'd understand. The thought of you invades my thoughts and dreams. It's like you're haunting me._

Another sigh escaped Gwen's lips.

_If you do not return my feelings, then please just discard it and forget you ever read it. I'd rather you forgot then feel bad and have to explain yourself later. Then I can move on._

_If you do feel the same way then send a reply to me by leaving the note behind the lose brick at the back door of the northwest wing of the castle. I'll collect it on Friday._

Gwen decided to sign off.

_There are so many things I want to say, but I'll leave it there. _

_Thinking of you, Gwen_

She straight away rethought the putting of her name. This was a confession of love, so should it be anonymous. After all it was a wonderful thing to hear that someone loves you even if you don't know who it is. There was something more romantic about a _secret _admirer.

So, she scribbled her name out, and looked at her love letter again;

_I feel braver safer in putting my feelings to paper. I'm worried what you would think if I said it to you face. Every part of me aches every time I see you smile and that makes me feel all the lighter. It would be an understatement to say that you are the sweetest individual I know._

_I love you. If that comes as a surprise then I have nothing else to say other than I love you._

_No, I am not as beautiful as some but I have always tried best to make you see that I'd do anything for you. I thought you might have guessed but you obviously haven't. I understand. I sometimes wonder if my love is truly in vain. But I won't lie to you anymore. I won't lie._

_I love your good well-meaning nature, your angelic face and your good heart. You could probably do much better but I could never love again. This letter is the only way I could make you see without you thinking I was joking._

_I'm sorry if this letter came as a surprise to you but the last thing I want to do is embarrass you. If you felt what I felt right now, you'd understand. The thought of you invades my thoughts and dreams. It's like you're haunting me._

_If you do not return my feelings, then please just discard it and forget you ever read it. I'd rather you forgot then feel bad and have to explain yourself later. Then I can move on._

_If you do feel the same way then send a reply to me by leaving the note behind the lose brick at the back door of the northwest wing of the castle. I'll collect it on Friday. _

_Thinking of you always, _

_An Admirer_

Gwen sighed. Her hand was shaking. This was the best she could do. She could write it up neat, seal it and send it on its way. But how would she give it to him without him realising it was her? She needed to give it to someone who could pass it on to him. At first she thought of giving it to Gaius but then quickly reconsidered it. He'd know it was from her, and that would defeat the whole point of her being a _secret_ admirer.

She held the sealed letter up, as if to admire it.

Gwen decided to give it to someone outside of their circle, someone who wouldn't tell Merlin it was her. She decided she would give it to one of the underling servants who would then pass it onto Merlin without a thought.

She ran her fingers over the seal, almost unwilling to let it go. The thought that Merlin would hold the words she had written in his hands, read it and consider it made her feel all a flutter. Yet despite of her worrying over what he would think all she could do was smile.

* * *

The next day on her way to tend to Morgana Gwen approached asked one of the young palace servants. He was the cook's son, only a youngster who served in Arthur's wing of the castle. If a letter was to be handed on to Merlin without him knowing where it came from, she knew the safest way was to hand it to someone like this. And the boy could hardly refuse; she was the Lady Morgana's handmaiden, after all.

"Excuse me!" she called to the boy.

He had a bored look on his face as he turned. He had spent the early morning running around after 'Old George' – a veteran servant of the old days – and was not in the best mood. "Morning, Gwen."

Gwen bit her lip as she handed him the letter. "Could you pass this letter to Prince Arthur's manservant, Merlin? Don't tell him it's from me."

The boy took the letter without thinking anything or saying another word. He looked at it before walking off in the direction of Prince Arthur's apartments. He knew not to ask questions when higher ranking servants told him to do something as they were the ones that had the ears of their masters. Plus both his mother and Old George would give him a thrashing if they thought he was getting impolite or lazy.

Once the boy was out of sight Gwen had regrets straight away. Even though she had not signed the letter she dreaded to think what Merlin would think when he read the letter. Would he immediately guess it was from her? That was Gwen's biggest fear. On the other hand anyone else probably _would_ guess it was from her straight away but not Merlin. He was too gullible and modest. Then again, Gwen thought, even if he did guess would that such a bad thing?

These thoughts plagued Gwen as she made her way to work.

"Are you alright, Gwen?" Morgana asked as she walked in holding a fresh bouquet of flowers.

"Oh," Gwen said, feeling her cheeks blush. "Yes I'm fine, milady. I-I picked some fresh flowers for you. I hope you've been sleeping better."

"Not bad," Morgana sighed, indicating that she had had yet another rough night. Her bad thoughts were pushed back when she saw Gwen's face. She tilted her head in amusement and smiled, "Now tell me what's wrong with you."

"Me" Gwen squeaked, now bright red. "Nothing's wrong with me!"

Her mistress chuckled, "That's funny because if I didn't know any better I'd say you were smitten." Gwen bit her lips and looked down. "Merlin, is it?"

The girl looked up again. Determined to hide her already obvious embarrassment she smiled and grabbed a vase, "I'll get some water for the flowers, shall I?"

As Gwen made her escape Morgana called out to her. "For what it's worth I think he likes you too."

"Really...?" Gwen gasped as she spun around and spoke before thinking. She immediately regretted; she had given away her feelings within seconds and felt quite ashamed of Morgana's teasing smile. Gwen tried to make a recovery in vain. "I-I mean, is that so?" she garbled out.

Morgana nodded, "Yes. You're a lovely young woman he'd be bad not to. He just doesn't realise it yet."

* * *

Merlin was on his way to Arthur's chambers when the young page boy rushed up to him and handed him the letter. His hands full of Arthur's tunic and various other things he had been ordered to get. He leaned down so the boy could balance it on top of the pile.

"I was asked to give this letter to you" the boy said.

"Why, is it for Prince Arthur?" Merlin asked, literally trying to keep grip of his work load. "Who asked you to give it to me?"

"I can't say" the boy said. "She just said to give it to you."

"So, it was a she?" Merlin said trying to balance what he was carrying over one arm to take hold of the letter. "I'll take it to Prince Arthur. It's probably one of his female fans."

He made his way up to Arthur's chambers, wondering what fun activity he would be set to today. Would it be sword fighting, cleaning boots, or maybe he would have to dress up in the 'official' servants' robes of Camelot again. It seemed that Arthur enjoyed making Merlin look a fool. With his 'special' powers that no one other than Gaius (And Lancelot) knew about he already felt enough of a freak without the feather hat.

"There you are" Arthur grumbled. He stood at the door with his arms folded and a scowl on his face. He looked like a wife awaiting her drunken husband's return from the pub. "I was _this close_ to coming to fetch you again."

"Sorry, sire" Merlin said swallowing his pride and putting down the objects he had been carrying. "Gaius had me out first thing this morning collecting herbs."

"And you only just got back?" Arthur questioned, eyebrow raised.

"No, then I got your message saying that you needed me to fetch a clean tunic, a bucket of water and a mop," Merlin replied.

He looked at the private dining area in the next room.

"Had a party with the other knights last night did you?" he asked.

Arthur stared at him.

Merlin added quickly, "Sire."

Arthur walked over to inspect the tunic. There was nothing wrong with it. It was spotless. He often wondered how Merlin managed to do all the work that he did without cutting corners. He managed to clean his armour, have his washing done, sheer his sword, pick up his meals and tend to the horses all in one day. On top of that he was also Gaius's dogsbody, so he was constantly taking people's prescriptions and gathering things for the medicines.

It had got to a point where Arthur liked to give Merlin more work than needed to be done just to see if he managed to do it, and oddly enough he always did.

Merlin felt a little smug. It was frustrating having no one his own age to talk to about his powers, but it was worth it _just_ to see Arthur's face when he presented him with brightly poshed armour that would have taken the average servant all night to clean.

"Is everything alright, sire?" Merlin said, biting his lips to avoid a smirk.

Arthur looked at him, "The buttons need more of a polish next time."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Yes, sire. I'll remember that."

He began to clear away the dining table. Arthur looked down at the objects laid out on the table. It was then he noticed the sealed letter. He picked it up and turned to Merlin, "What's this?"

Merlin popped his head around the door, "I don't know. One of the page boys gave it to me. He said to give it to you."

Without another thought Arthur opened the letter.

"Who is it from? It has no name on it."

"I don't know, he didn't say."

Arthur was used to getting letters from women of the court telling him how wonderful they thought he was. They always went on about how strong, witty and brave he was. Every girl in the kingdom wanted him. He was the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom so it was only to be expected.

He read the letter to himself. It was certainly more forward than most letters he received. As a matter of fact there was a great degree of honesty in the letter, as if repressed feelings had been unleashed. More oddly it wasn't from anyone he could think of, certainly not Morgana. That was actually a relief to Arthur.

After reading through it a second time he walked into the dining room where Merlin was cleaning and began to read out loud.

"Listen to this," he said and recited a passage from the letter. "___I feel safer putting my feelings to paper. I'm worried what you would think if I said it to you face. Every part of me aches every time I see you smile and that makes me feel all the lighter. It would be an understatement to say that you are the sweetest individual I know._

Merlin gave a small snort of laughter. The idea of Arthur being 'sweet' was hilarious.

"I knew it" Arthur said laughing as well. "_You _wrote it."

Merlin stopped laughing straight away.

"_What?_"

"You wrote this as a joke, didn't you?"

"No!"

"I understand" Arthur said, folding the letter up again. "You wanted to get me back for forcing you to wear that silly hat. It's very funny, Merlin."

"I _did not_ write that letter," Merlin protested. "I wouldn't write something like that as a _joke_."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. Whether it was a joke or not, whether it was from Merlin or some girl he saw a chance to have a laugh with Merlin over this.

"You mean" he said, trying not to laugh, "You are _serious_ about what you said in this letter."

"Y-_no_," Merlin squalked. "I told you I didn't write that letter. It was given to be by one of the page boys to give to you."

"A likely story," Arthur said with a smirk. "I have to tell you Merlin this doesn't come as a surprise to me. After all I am pretty fantastic. I understand if you worship me enough to write," he cleared his throat in amusement, "_a_ _love letter_."

The servant reached boiling point. "I didn't write it!"

"Alright, alright, _who_ did?"

"I don't know" the servant stated for the last time. "I asked but the page boy didn't say. He just said that a handmaiden told him to pass it on."

Arthur unfolded the letter again, laid it out on the table and looked at it.

"Doesn't it have a name on it?" Merlin asked. "You know, on the inside?"

"No, they just refer to themselves as 'An Admirer'" Arthur muttered.

He picked up the letter and handed it to Merlin.

"Read it."

Merlin obeyed. It was a short letter and it only took him a minute to reach it through. He thought the content of the letter was clearly written by someone nursing a serious crush. He'd go as far as to say the person was infatuated. There were times in the passage where he wondered whether the letter-writer was talking about Arthur.

When he finished he handed it back to Arthur.

"What did you find so funny before?" the prince asked.

Merlin shrugged. "What did I find funny, when?"

"When I read out that bit of the letter to you, what did you find so funny?"

The servant bit his bottom lip.

"Tell me!"

"Oh, um, the 'sweet' thing," Merlin confessed. "I-it's just I wouldn't describe you as sweet-"

"I'd be worried if you _did!_" Arthur joked.

"I just thought it was funny," he admitted.

He then smiled, "Love is blind, eh?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are you calling me ugly now?"

Merlin quickly looked back to the letter, not wanting to get into _yet another_ argument.

"I think it's very… moving," Merlin said. "I mean you can tell the person who wrote it is obviously infatuated. If someone wrote something like this to me I'd be very flattered."

"I can tell you haven't received many love letters in your time, have you?"

Merlin shook his head. "No, never. The girls in my village avoided me because they thought I was weird."

"I can't imagine why" Arthur said sarcastically.

You have no idea, Merlin thought. "I just think it must be a wonderful think to find out that somebody loves you."

Arthur looked at him. "Yes, I suppose it would be."

"The person who wrote this is obviously smitten," he said. "She writes 'I love you' several times."

"And you don't think it's a tad…" Arthur began, twirling his hand as he tried to find the right word, "…_desperate_."

"Nah," Merlin said. "I think it's cute."

There was a long pause. Arthur pondered over the letter while Merlin stood swinging the broom between his fingers. Finally their eyes met.

"Merlin" said Arthur.

"Hmm"

"The table"

"Oh," Merlin said looking at the dirty table covered with left over food and wine. "Right, sorry."

* * *

Later that day Merlin was running two errands on one route; he was bringing Arthur a jug of wine for he and his good friend Kay while taking some medicine to Morgana for Gaius. He jogged up the stairs and knocked from the outside, remembering the first time he had brought her a prescription and ended up being mistaken for Gwen... as the lady was taking her clothes off.

"Come in," called a voice.

Merlin went in and found Morgana sitting in front of the mirror brushing her hair. She smiled when she saw him. "Oh, Merlin, what brings you here? Are you here to see Gwen?"

He sighed; ever since they had saved Gwen from being burned as a witch Morgana had firmly believed that his choice to sacrifice himself for her was because he was in love with her. It was a little frustrating, especially since he had never really thought of Gwen that way.

He smiled shyly. "No, no, I was sent by Gaius to give you this."

Morgana took the bottle and smiled, "Thank you, Merlin."

He nodded awkwardly before making his way to the door. "Bye then."

"Merlin, wait a second," Morgana called to him. "Can I just ask you something?"

Merlin turned on his heel, smiled and bowed politely. "Yes, certainly, milady."

"I know you feel awkward when I talk to you about Gwen--"

"No, no, I don't feel _awkward_."

"You do. I mean there is nothing to be shy about," she said soothingly. "Everyone falls in love, and I think you should tell Gwen how you feel."

Merlin began to try and explain that he _was not _in love with Gwen and that they were just friends but Morgana went on.

"I mean you'd be very lucky to have someone like Gwen," she said. "And Gwen would be very lucky to have you."

Merlin stopped, suddenly feeling very flattered.

"Really?"

Morgana smiled. "Yes, you may not realise this but you're quite a catch. You have integrity and bravery in your heart. That makes you a very nice catch for lots of girls."

He chuckled modestly. "Well, I wouldn't say I'm _that _brave…"

"Don't be silly," she said, almost flirting. "Remember that I saw what you did for Gwen. You offered to give up your life for her."

Merlin almost said that it was not so much bravery as it was guilt at letting Gwen die for something _he _had done. But then he remembered that Morgana didn't know about his powers. Nobody did. So instead he cleared his throat and restored himself to his polite "servant's" pose.

"You know," he finally said. "You don't have to flatter me, milady."

"I wasn't flattering you" she said with a smile. "I'm serious when I say what I say."

"Oh," he said, scratching the back of his head, not knowing what to say. "Thank you."

* * *

Elsewhere at that very moment Arthur was on his way to try and find Merlin, who had gone walk about and was once again taking longer than he should be in finishing his tasks. But this was just a cover reason. He told himself he was going to find Merlin and even let himself plot new, inventive ways to make Merlin look like a fool. In reality Merlin was his excuse.

Going down the stairs and towards the northwest wing of the castle where Gaius's quarters were, Arthur came to the place where the loose stone decribed in the letter was. He stopped and pulled it out. He checked around to make sure no one was watching before he took a note from his pocket and placed it carefully inside.

Then, quickly replacing the loose brick, he made his way in the direction of Gaius's home to find out where Merlin was.

* * *

Back in Morgana's chambers, the lady continued to assure Merlin.

"You know," Morgana told Merlin. "I know that you don't pine or need flattery like _some _men do."

Merlin smiled; he knew she was talking about Arthur.

"He's not that bad, really" he told her.

"No," Morgana said nodding. They were both clearly on an understanding that it was Arthur they were talking about. "I know he's not. He's not like you, of course. He's not completely... selfless and sweet. And kind. But you're right, he isn't completely big headed. I hope you don't mind my telling you this."

Merlin shook his head, "No not at all."

Truth was he thought she was being a bit harsh on him. He suspected that it was Gwen who normally had to listen to these conversations about Arthur and Morgana trying to convince herself that she absolutely _did not _like Arthur. He wondered how she would react if she knew about Arthur's secret love letter from a secret lady. It was obviously not from her. Would she be upset? Would she even be bothered? At times Merlin thought that like his feelings for Gwen, Morgana's feelings for Arthur were entirely misplaced. Both were accused of liking people that they liked, just not in _that _way.

Merlin decided it was time to make an excuse and leave. However Morgana spoke again.

"Merlin, can I tell you something without you getting _jealous_?"

He gave her a sceptical smile.

"Jealous? I'm sure I won't."

Morgana leaned closer to him with an almost comprisal smile on her face.

"Between you and me, Merlin, I've been having this strange dream all week. It's about the future, maybe eight or ten years into the future. I think it must have been Arthur's coronation because the court was _glittering_. You were wearing fine green robes. But that's not what I wanted to tell you. Guess who Arthur's _queen _was!"

Merlin pretended to ponder for a moment before answering, assuming his assumption would be the correct one. He couldn't think why he would tell her if it wasn't so.

"Um, _you_?"

He remembered his third night in Camelot when he had saved Arthur and become his servant. Gwen had mentioned that she and everyone at court believed Morgana to be the queen-in-waiting of Camelot. Admittedly Merlin had been a little surprised and ridiculously disappointed by that.

But Morgana pulled a face. "God, _no_! Why does everyone keep thinking that?"

"Who was it?"

She smiled and chuckled. "Gwen."

Merlin's eyes widened. He almost burst out laughing but instead it came out in an amused squeak.

"What, _Gwen_ was the queen in your dream?"

His surprise may have conveyed the wrong impression to Morgana. She was no doubt telling him this story to see his reaction as if the dream was even real. She wanted to see whether it bothered him or not, the idea of Gwen being with someone else. Arthur, of all people!

"Yes," Morgana said. "I hope you don't mind my telling you about the dream."

"Oh no," Merlin said shaking his head. "No, it's an _interesting_ dream."

Morgana nodded. "Don't worry, it's just a dream."

"Queen Guinevere," he said to himself. He looked at Morgana, "It _does_ have a ring to it."

At that moment Arthur strode into the room to find his manservant and Morgana laughing, unbeknownst to him at _his_ expense. He stood with an irritated look on his face. To see his foster sister and manservant together, giggling was like being confronted with the most annoying thing possible because it involved the two most annoying people he knew. When Merlin saw him he quickly cleared his throat and tried to explain himself.

"I was bringing your wine but I promised Gaius I'd do a few deliveries..."

"Oh yes?" Arthur said with his most nasal voice. He looked at Merlin, "When I said 'Quickly fetch a flagon of wine for Sir Kay and myself' I meant _quickly_."

"Yes, sorry" Merlin said, picking up the flagon that he had almost forgotten about.

Arthur looked at it and then at Merlin, "Hurry back with it." He looked at Morgana and nodded in what he thought was a respectable manner, "Morgana."

"Arthur" she said, trying to conceal a smile.

As Arthur left Merlin took a deep breath and shook his head. He turned to Morgana and bowed his head politely before heading off back towards Arthur's quarters. On the way he thought of the idea of Gwen being a queen. It was the sort of thing that would only work in a dream. That was a place where fairytale could happen. Right now the two friends clearly thought Arthur was far too fickle to fall in love with a servant girl.

"The prince and the handmaiden," he said to himself. "I don't know if I see it yet."

* * *

On Friday afternoon Gwen was walking her home to Morgana's chambers. In order to do that she had to pass through the northwest wing of the castle. Her heart thumping in her chest she made her way to the back entrance of the castle and pulled out the loose stone in the wall…

Inside there was a message left for her.

She quickly pulled it out, tore it open and read. As she did she smiled.

It was written in a very delicate, educated hand that not many would associate with a manservant. And it was full of very moving, original (if not slightly awkward) phrases not many would associate with the _real_ writer.


	2. Part 2

Inspired by the red herring from Digital Spy "Gwen writes a love letter to Merlin—but mistakenly sends it to Arthur." Any mistakes are my own here. This was originally set to be a one-off fanfic but due to its popularity I have planned out a whole story. It was *roughly* be a story in ten parts. Part 1 contain spoilers for episodes up to 1x06, and Part 2 up to 1x07.

* * *

Merlin walked down the stony steps, whistling as he went but in a manner that all people did when they were trying to look inconspicuous. It was an art that Merlin had not yet mastered; servants and courtiers watched him as he went passed.

Finally he reached his destination; the loose stone at the back of the northwest wing of the castle. Looking around him, he pulled it out and found, as there had been for the last six weeks each time he looked, a note inside. He took it out and replaced it with the one he had been carrying.

He checked around before replacing the stone and made his way off. He was told to make sure that no one saw him take or leave the note. Convinced he had managed to do exactly this without someone asking him what he was doing, he rushed back the way he had come.

Another art that Merlin had not quite mastered was checking behind corners to see if anyone had seen him. This is because, as soon as he left, Gwen came out from behind the pillar from where she had been watching, and checked everywhere else to make sure no one was spying on her. Pleased that no one had seen either of them, she took away the stone and took the note Merlin had so thoughtfully left.

Gwen decided the best thing to do was to take it home and read it. She had been doing so for the last twenty three letters that had been left there. The first two she hadn't been able to resist tearing it open with her teeth. Now she treated it as if it were a present at Christmas, the way you want to pick at it but try your best to wait until the big day.

After several exchanges she believed that she had come to know the style of her secret lover. The awkward thing about his notes was that, as far as Gwen could tell, he didn't realise that the love letters were from her. He said as much in every single one of his letters:

_Your words were sweetly awkward in a manner that I feel is becoming of a virtuous woman. But your silence arouses my curiosity as to who you are. Can you not find it in yourself to reveal a name?_

That was the first time. Truth was that she was too shy to admit to it yet; the thought of what he'd think when he found out prevented her. She wasn't ready, and she'd even said so in her last letter before the one Merlin had just taken:

_I often wonder if I should tell you that it is me that writes of their love for you—but I always stop myself; fearing your reaction once you discover it was me all along._

Gwen passed her father's workshop on the way home. They waved to each other and she smiled knowing that it meant she could read her latest letter in peace. As she got through the door she quickly opened the letter and begun to read:

_Once again I was vexed to read that you refuse to tell me your name. _

_At first I was merely curious to know the identity of my secret admirer but you are starting to plague my mind. I guess at names all the time, and I'm sure you have crossed my mind in those thoughts, __and I dare not look any woman in the face for fear that you will reveal yourself unwillingly. My curiosity is high, love, but I wish not to force you to reveal your identity until you are ready. _

_Nonetheless I do not mind telling you that your fear of me hurts. I can understand why you wish not to reveal who you are because of my position, but it makes me no less a human being and no different from other men._

_I shall not lie to you—I have often considered waiting for you myself when you leave your letters in our secret alcove, just to see your face. Then I stop myself, and I wonder if it were possible to fall in love sight unseen. When I first read your letters I believed not. I believed that I and others like me would be too fickle to fall in love with a lover's thoughts without knowing how beautiful she is. Indeed, as you said once in your first letter, one could fall in love with Lady Morgana easily just by sight but her forwardness and slight masculinity can easily confuse a man._

_Yet I consider you different and have begun to see you differently. For a long time you had many faces but now you have none. I begin to believe that denial of your identity might make me a better person for, at the moment, I feel it possible that I could fall in love with you without ever seeing your face._

Gwen put the letter down and sighed. If that were truth, and there was no reason why not, then she had more time to gain the courage to approach him. When the time came she wouldn't reveal her identity in a letter. She would walk up to him and tell him that it was her that wrote the letters. If it was possible that he could fall in love with the writer of these letters then it was possible that he'd love her no matter what.

She decided to write the reply that night—she had only just left a letter and not it was getting to a point where they were sending one every day rather than every other day.

Gwen put it away in a wooden box that had belonged to her mother, given to her by her father, and tied it to all the other letters she had received. She tied them all together with a blue ribbon that had been tied around a bunch of flowers sent to Morgana that had been discarded once the flowers began to wilt.

Brushing her finger tips one last time over the quantity of letters written she placed them back in the box, locked it and put it under her bed. She had to return to the castle and to tending her mistress.

-

Merlin returned to Arthur's chamber where the prince was looking out the window. It was a pleasant day in Camelot and the sounds of the castle were drifting in from the open pane. As soon as Merlin walked in Arthur turned and listened to the checks off the 'to do list' that was his job as Arthur's manservant.

"Good morning, your highness," Merlin said in a put-on pleasant voice. "I freshly polished your armour last night, I also polished your boots, cleaned your tunic and even used extra polish on the buttons, just the way you like it."

Arthur took the tunic and looked at it, "No need to be cheeky."

"I didn't say anything," the servant said.

Arthur looked at the tunic. It was perfect. He looked at Merlin with a raised eyebrow, "What _is_ your secret, Merlin?"

Merlin smiled smugly, "Nothing, just dedication to work."

Arthur scoffed, "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were using magic."

The servant's eyes widened briefly before he recovered himself. He chuckled, "What, an idiot like me use magic?"

Arthur smiled before holding out his hand, "Anything else?"

Merlin stared at the hand before he remembered.

"Oh," he said pulling out the letter from his pocket. "I picked up your latest love letter from your secret girlfriend."

The prince took the note from Merlin. He opened the letter and began to read it, sitting at his bureau, fingers over his lips as if he were pondering over something. After a minute or so of reading it over and over he had forgotten Merlin was standing there.

Finally the young manservant spoke up, "Erm, do you still need me? Only I promised Gaius I'd do my rounds…"

Arthur held up a hand to silence him. He was reading the letter over just one more time, and part of him also wanted to irritate Merlin. Finally, after ten seconds, he looked up and nodded. "You can go, but I expect you back at one."

"Is there any particular reason?" Merlin asked.

"In case you have forgotten, Merlin," Arthur replied, "the May Day celebrations are upon us in the next week and all servants are required to help with the preparations. You'll be given a brief of your duties while listening to my father give a speech."

This was the first Merlin had heard about it, "What May Day celebrations would this be?"

"Most of the time it's just a feast and dance about for all the courtiers to celebrate the coming of spring," Arthur told him. He then turned and looked at him, "Didn't your village celebrate May Day?"

"Yes, but we all had to dress up in silly costumes and masks and dance around May poles…" Merlin said, then he realised that Arthur was smirking. "Please don't tell me I have to dress up again."

Arthur turned around again to look at his letter, "It _is_ tradition, Merlin."

"Yes but I'm a servant—"

"All servants dress up too," his master replied. "I don't see why you should be an expectation."

Merlin accidently let out a groan.

Arthur went in for the kill, "Oh, before I forget, my bed needs changing and the dogs need exercising."

-

Merlin made his way back towards home to collect the prescriptions that Gaius had asked him to deliver. It seemed that everyone had something wrong with them in the castle. Everyone had problems, even Arthur took something for hay fever.

As he walked through the south wing the door to Morgana's room opened and Gwen came out. As soon as she saw Merlin she stopped dead. The sight of him sent a rush through her heart and fired up her cheeks. She kept thinking about how cheerful he always seemed as he walked along the corridors of the castle and how clueless he looked when she accidently said something she didn't mean to say…

Of course he wouldn't have guessed that the writer of the letters. He was too sweet!

"Merlin!" she called out once she had recovered herself.

He looked around and smiled when he saw her descending the stairs, "Hi Gwen."

"Fine," Gwen said, smiling shyly. "You look happy."

Merlin sighed, "If I do it's just a front. Between them Arthur and Gaius are playing me like a yoyo."

"They give you a lot of work," Gwen conceded. "N-not that I don't think you could do it well. You always work _so_ hard!"

"Well," Merlin said, nodding his head with a smile, "it's nice to know _somebody_ appreciates what I do."

"I do!" she quickly said. "I think what you do for Arthur is great. He's never had a servant he liked enough to trust with what you do…"

Merlin put on a worried face, "Oh dear, if Arthur likes me I hate to think how he treats the servants he doesn't like."

Gwen pursed her lips, "He's just horrible to them."

"More horrible than he is to me?"

Gwen nodded.

Merlin nodded, "Fair enough, he hasn't thrown knives at _me_ yet."

The pair of the laughed as they remembered that day; it had been the first time that Merlin had met Arthur. It was also the first day Gwen had seen Merlin. Before she had met him she thought most men were like Arthur and his smug friends, a load of bullies.

The only redeeming feature of Arthur was his looks, and Gwen was willing to admit that Arthur was handsome. _Annoyingly_ handsome, she thought, the sort of handsome that knew it was handsome. The sort of handsome that made your _teeth_ hurt…

Sometimes she believed that Morgana's infuriation with Arthur was genuine. He was _infuriating_! If you compare him to Merlin, well, they're completely different. Arthur was smug while Merlin was grateful. Arthur was sure of himself while Merlin seemed to be searching for his purpose. They were night and day.

Merlin… There was warmth that seemed to surround him, in the way he spoke, the way he smiled and the way he cared about people.

If only we were a little wiser, Gwen thought as she looked at Merlin. Unfortunately her silence and deep-in-thought-staring had started to get awkward and noticeable. Merlin even waved his hand in front of her face. Gwen realised she had been day dreaming, "Sorry?"

"Are you okay?" Merlin asked.

"Fine"

"Was there something you wanted?" he asked.

It was then she remembered. "Oh, sorry, the Lady Morgana has a headache and wonders if you could ask Gaius for something to relieve it."

"Sure," he said with a smile. He was just about to leave when he quickly turned around again, suddenly concerned. "She is alright, isn't she?"

"She's fine," Gwen said, knowing that he was thinking of what had happened with Edwin, and how he had tried to kill Uther as well. "It's just a headache."

"Good," Merlin said, smiling again. "We don't want that happening again, do we? Tell her I'll be back soon with the pain killer."

"I will," she said as he walked off.

Gwen brought her hands to her mouth, kicking herself for spacing out right in front of him. As she walked back towards Morgana's rooms she wondered whether she should hint that it was her when writing her next letter later than night. She wanted to wait, wait until she absolutely had to tell him.

-

_To You,_

_I have been looking at every woman's face once again trying to find some trace of you. I keep hoping that I'll see __you and I'll know it is you. It is strange but I keep thinking that. _

_I have never been so in the dark, never has a woman known more than me and had control over me like you do now. I worry that you do it for fun, and that you enjoy tormenting me… but then I read your past letters as realise that you truly are scared of what I will think. I don't know which worries me more. I know my reputation might worry you as well as my position – I have said so many times – but I __am__ a human. _

_You have nothing to fear from me. __I am of a predilection that you will, within time, feel at peace with my earnestness and reveal to me who you are. I swear on my growing affection for you that it is true. As true as the terrible poetic language I'm using now to write to you with, language I never thought I would use._

_The only thing that would make this poetry complete is that I could put your name to it, and to be able to write it whenever I write you a letter._

_Until your next letter I will wait anxiously to hear of your thoughts again._

_An Admirer_

Arthur read the letter over and over before he dared seal it. He always had to check to make sure that the letter contained nothing that would frighten or worry the mysterious girl behind the letters. He really was tempted to wait and see who the girl or at least make Merlin spy on their secret alcove and find out.

He didn't know what was stopping him.

At first he thought it _was_ fear of the letter writer and what she'd look like. Now it was because Arthur wanted to know her name. He wanted to know because he wanted to see a face in his head when he thought about her. All he could ever picture was a letter, and the girl's face kept changing to every face of every courtier and servant in the castle.

He wanted to know so that he could kiss her, the only way he felt, that the girl would realise that he really didn't care who she was. He wasn't lying when he said he didn't care. Arthur was _really_ beginning not to care; all he wanted to do was know who she was.

Leaving the note tucked away safely behind some papers, Arthur got up to go and see his father; he wanted to talk to him before the meeting. He wondered if he should tell his father about it all. He would be furious and demand the writer come forward.

Arthur had felt, for a long time, that his father had hoped that one day Morgana would become the queen. It seemed so simple. Still, that didn't mean that Arthur couldn't be in love with someone else. Plenty of marriages had been loveless especially between kings and queens. At least their marriage wouldn't be completely loveless as, despite everything, they were friends. Uther might see some reason in that arrangement.

Then again it wouldn't be the end of the world if the girl were a courtier. But what if she wasn't?

It was too early to be thinking about that.

Arthur decided it was best to stay quiet. He hadn't told any of his friends about it because he knew it would get back to his father if he did. He also felt, deep down, that it was personal to him. Sometimes he felt Merlin really was the only person in the world that he could trust. The only one he knew wouldn't tell…

Arthur had been so deep in thought that he hadn't seen one of the handmaidens walking towards him, arms full of sheets and pillows for her mistress. He collided right into her, sending the objects flying and her tumbling to the ground. Arthur rolled his eyes as she scurried around picking up things and apologising profusely.

"I am so sorry," she kept saying. "Very, very sorry…"

Arthur recognised the voice; he looked down and saw that it was Gwen. She, in turn, seemed to recognise the feet and looked up straight away. She gasped, "Prince Arthur!" and quickly looked down again, "Excuse me, your highness."

He sighed, "It's alright."

Quickly standing, Gwen gave a little bow and walked off in the direction she was going. Arthur watched her go before carrying on his way. The irony of the situation escaping both of them, as neither had any idea of the significance of that short meeting.

-

Merlin was running late with his errands, which was making him later for the meeting that Arthur told him about. Not that he was looking forward to it; he just didn't want Gaius to get angry at him, again.

He had managed to get Lady Percival the ointment for an allergic reaction to a new in-fashion dress she had recently bought; Sir Kay the pain killer for an injury he sustained in battle with a group of bandits just outside of Camelot, and he also gave to Sir Agravain and Lady Percival's sons, Percival and Lamorak. Finally he had dropped off some ear drops for Lady Anna. The only thing left was Morgana's headache remedy.

Merlin pelted down the corridor towards her rooms, hoping to drop them off without being too noticeably late for the meeting and too late to catch up without asking someone. He thought this would be easy as Morgana should be going to the meeting Uther planned for all the nobility.

He got to her room and just opened the door, in too much of a hurry to think of knocking, and ran straight into Morgana. He managed to stop himself before he knocked her over or himself over. The two of them just stood there for a while as Merlin caught his breath.

Morgana looked at him, "Are you alright, Merlin?"

He nodded and breathlessly handed her the remedy, "Here."

Morgana took the medicine, which was basically tea made of willow, and nodded. Without dismissing him she went over to the table and poured out some to drink. It wasn't the nicest taste in the world but it normally did the trick. She had a terrible thumping in her temples after the dream she had had. She even considered asking Gaius about it. Maybe he could up her dosage a little bit to cure her nightmares or at least give her something a bit stronger.

"Merlin," she said turning to the young servant. He stood to attention and smiled, finally having caught his breath. "Could you tell Gaius that I wish to see him when you go home tonight?"

Merlin nodded, "Yes, I'll tell him. Are you alright, only Gaius worries about your health, after what happened…"

Morgana smiled, "I'm fine, Merlin. You can tell Gaius to stop worrying."

The young servant nodded, "Well, it's not just Gaius who worries…"

She nodded. It was certainly a frightening experience after what had happened to her, being a pawn in an embittered wizard's revenge, and not just for her. It turns out everyone had been duped.

"You can tell _everyone_ to stop worrying," Morgana said, taking more of her medicine. "Aren't you going to this meeting, then?"

Merlin nodded, "Y-yeah, I _should_ be there right now. I didn't think you'd be here. I know the king is holding a meeting as well."

"Oh, it's nothing really," Morgana sighed, rubbing the sides of her head, "It's just a bit of pompous circumstance, like people in Albion do best; especially us in Camelot."

"Yeah, I noticed," Merlin said under his breath but Morgana obviously heard. He quickly said something, "Sorry, I've never been to one of these big meetings. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do."

Morgana smiled, "Don't worry about it. If I were a servant I wouldn't bother but since your Arthur's servant…"

"I'll end up with fruit and vegetables thrown at me," Merlin finished. Then in chorus both of them said, "Again."

Looking at each other they laughed. Merlin pointed to the door, "Well, I better get off before I end up in trouble again."

"It wasn't your fault last time," Morgana quickly said.

Merlin turned and smiled again before leaving.

Outside he took a deep breath and leant against the door with his eyes closed.

Morgana was still having dreams?

So like Gaius said that business with Arthur and Sophia was not the only time. She was seeing things all the time, she as good as said it. And she always had been seeing these things, ever since she was a little girl. She was born that way, just like he was.

Gaius told him several times that _no one_ was like him but that didn't matter to Merlin. She was at least _like_ him in the sense that she had to hide what she saw in her dreams from people lest they accuse her of witchcraft. Everything they both did was for the good of people and yet they would both be burnt if anyone knew. Someone else lived in that fear just like him.

She was like him, and that meant _everything_ to Merlin.

All he wanted was someone to talk to about it, someone the same age as him. Gaius helped him but he didn't understand how isolated he felt. Maybe is Gaius told her or he told her that he knew about her seeing power. He only wished, wished, _wished_ that Morgana could see him for what he was…

Morgana opened the door to her room, and Merlin fell backward before he knew what was happening. He fell with a large and painful thud at Morgana's feet. She let out a small scream, surprised to see him still there, before getting down on her knees to check there was no damage.

"Merlin," she said holding his head; "are you alright?"

"Ow," was all the young servant could groan, lying in pain with his eyes shut tight with both pain and embarrassment.

-

"What happened to him?" Gaius said checking Merlin's head for any damage.

"He was leaning against the door," Morgana explained. "I opened it and he fell backwards through it. It was an accident."

"Ow" Merlin whimpered as Gaius touched where the bump was. Gaius noticed that Merlin's arm was also bruised. "How did he do this then?"

Morgana then explained, (much to Merlin's embarrassment), that once she had managed to get him to his feet he had told her that he was fine but then tripped going down the stairs and, thankfully, only hurt his arm and leg. Morgana felt compelled then to walk him back to Gaius despite the fact Merlin kept telling her he was fine.

Once she had finished Gaius chuckled and looked down at Merlin, "Is there no end to your clumsiness and stupidity?"

"Probably not," Merlin said before letting out another 'ow.'

Morgana smiled at him before looking at Gaius, "Anyway, I thought I'd better make sure he got back alright without…"

"Falling over again?" Merlin finished.

She nodded and turned to leave. Then she remembered, since she was there, "Oh Gaius. I've been having more troubled nights…"

Before she finished he handed her the sleeping draft, "I made it a little bit stronger this time. It should do the trick. If it doesn't then come back and tell me."

"If you don't mind," she said quietly, weary of Merlin. "I want to talk to you about… you know."

Gaius nodded, "I'll be here later."

She nodded again, glanced at Merlin before leaving. Once she had Merlin spoke up: "Why couldn't she tell you now?"

"She's always been worried about her dreams," Gaius explained. "And for good reason; she's probably worried that Uther might find out if anyone else finds out."

"Does 'anyone else' mean me?" Merlin asked. "But I know about her dreams, she even told me about one – not that it was very believable – but I'd never tell anyone…"

"But she doesn't know what," Gaius reminded him.

"Maybe if I told her—" he began.

"No," Gaius said bluntly.

"You don't know what I was going to say."

"You were going to say 'Maybe if she knew about my, she's trust me' weren't you?"

Merlin nodded.

Gaius shook his head, "No, Merlin, no one can find out about you just as surely they can't find out about Morgana." Merlin sighed. Gaius put a hand on his shoulder, "I am sorry Merlin but I can't risk anyone finding out about you, _either_ of you. If Uther found out—"

"I know," Merlin said, "he'd burn us as witches. He'd probably make it a double execution to save on wood."

"It's not funny, Merlin."

"I know it isn't but it's the reality I face every day."

Rubbing his head and stretching Merlin pulled himself to his feet.

"Going back to work?" Gaius asked.

"Yep," the young warlock replied. "I have to walk Arthur's dogs, change his bed and probably drop off a love letter to his girlfriend…"

"Girlfriend…" Gaius asked.

"Long story," Merlin said.

-

Gwen sat looking out the window of Morgana's room. From there you could see the courtyard. Her heart made a leap as she saw Merlin rush across towards Arthur's chambers. She wondered what she would write in her letter that night. Recently she always seemed to say the same thing. She wanted to say something personal.

Maybe I should talk about this moment, looking out the window and seeing him down there…

The door opened. Gwen stood and greeted Morgana with a smile. "Is everything alright, milady?"

"Fine," she said. She looked at Gwen, concerned, "Are you alright?"

Gwen nodded, "Yes, I'm fine."

-

The May Day celebrations were one of the most eagerly awaited celebrations on the calendar for the court as it allowed them to let their hair down, have a drink and, in the true sense of spring, indulge in the wondrous sport of courtly love. What made it all the more wonderful was that everyone dressed up and wore masks, enabling people to romance people they would not usually find the courage to do.

Even the servants, (without whom it would not be possible), enjoyed the celebrations because as well as serving they were able to gossip about which lady was being accosted by which sir. Moreover they were able to eat and drink as much wine as they wanted, provided they got up on time the day after.

The meetings, however, were always boring and yet Uther always had one held so that courtiers and servants knew what was happening, or rather, what the servants knew what they were doing.

Once the meeting was over Arthur went over to his father, his face unimpressed that in the sea of servants Merlin's was not to be sited.

"Where is Morgana?" Arthur asked.

Uther looked at him, "I was going to ask if you knew." He turned and saw Gwen just about to leave, "Girl!" he called, "Where is the Lady Morgana."

"She was suffering from a headache earlier, your highness" she said. "I suppose she decided not to come because of that."

Uther waved her off. Gwen made a small bow and glanced at Arthur before leaving. Arthur watched her go before turning to his father. Uther sat down on his thrown, thinking, "I hope she's alright. After what happened to her last time…"

"She'll be fine, father" Arthur said. "The only reason it happened last time was because of magic."

"Nonetheless I think I will visit her later, make sure she is well," Uther said. He then changed the subject, "How did this year's meeting go, do you think?"

"These speeches become less and less popular every year; several people haven't bothered to turn up, including Merlin."

"Your servant is one of the most incompetent boys I have ever had the misfortune to meet," the king stated. "It's a wonder he managed to save you from that witch."

"He has his uses" Arthur said, defending the very servant he often yelled at and made fun of. "He is a good companion and a good servant, even if he is a bit of an idiot. He probably got held up running errands for Gaius.

Uther rolled his eyes, "He _probably_ fell over, hit his head and forgot all about it."

* * *


	3. Part 3

Inspired by the red herring from Digital Spy "Gwen writes a love letter to Merlin—but mistakenly sends it to Arthur." Any mistakes are my own here. This was originally set to be a one-off fanfic but due to its popularity I have planned out a whole story. It was *roughly* be a story in ten parts.

**

* * *

**

Merlin walked into Arthur's chambers later that evening, rubbing his head and carrying the new bed sheets that Arthur had asked him to get. He realised that he was late again but that was mainly because Arthur's dogs had been dragging him all over the city. One of them ran off and Merlin had been crawling around in the forestry area next to the city looking for it.

As soon as he stepped in the door he came face to face with his master's drunken-husband-wife face, scowling its worst. Merlin smiled and held up the bed sheets.

"I remembered what you told me about changing your bed," he said. "And I took the dogs for a walk."

"Hmm," Arthur said, unimpressed. "Too bad you forgot the meeting."

"What meeting?" Merlin asked, before suddenly remembering. "Oh, _that_ meeting… well… it's a long story. I was on my rounds and I… fell through a door as someone was opening it and I, err, hit my head."

Arthur couldn't help sniggering at his servant's misfortunes. It seemed that trouble followed Merlin everywhere.

"And whose door was it you had the misfortune of falling through?" he asked.

"Lady Morgana's" Merlin said, rubbing the place where he had hit his head again.

Arthur laughed again, "Oh dear, well, she'll never let you hear the end of it."

"No, she was fine about it," Merlin explained, smiling. "She even walked me back home because after that bump on the head I fell down the stairs…"

Arthur kept laughing, "Oh Merlin, _this_ is why I keep you around – just to hear of your misadventures. I don't blame Morgana for feeling the need to walk you back; you're a risk to yourself and society."

Merlin glared at him before turning to the bed to strip it of its sheets, "I'm your servant, not the court jester."

"True," Arthur said, finally stopping his mocking sniggers. "But we do need a court jester, so don't feel compelled to be anything other than you."

Merlin sighed. He didn't mind being laughed at because even he could see the error of his ways at times and how clumsy he was. The thing that got him was the fact that often his reasons for ending up in the stocks were because of Arthur. He dreaded to think what would happen once the girl writing to him agreed to meet him. He'd probably end up in the stocks every day for the next fortnight, until the girl realised what a prat Arthur was, broke his heart, and he moved on to the next girl.

What made it worse was that Arthur and Uther owed their lives to him, _both of them_, and yet they could never know because it would cost him his life. The lack of gratitude was annoying but tolerable. Merlin kept telling himself that Arthur had to be king someday… a horrible thing to think of Uther's death and Arthur's subsequent reign, but the dragon kept telling him that his time would begin only when Uther's ended.

"Merlin," Arthur said after a while. Merlin looked up and was handed another letter. He rolled his eyes and put it in his pocket while Arthur explained. "It's not a long one but I'd be grateful if you deliver it for tonight. I want her to get it by tomorrow."

"How do you know she'll check for it in the morning?" Merlin said, putting on the new sheets.

"Because she told me," the prince replied. He then scowled, "Anyway, it's none of your business what she wrote to me."

Merlin rolled his eyes again and nodded, "Pardon me for breathing, sire."

"I'll forgive you this time."

"Thank you."

Merlin said that with a hint of sarcasm that did not go unnoticed. Arthur glanced at him over his shoulder. Suddenly he declared, "I feel like going for a walk this evening in the town."

"Oh, any reason why?" the servant asked.

"Not especially," Arthur said. "I just feel like a walk."

Merlin nodded, "Good for you, sire."

"You're coming too."

"Huh"

Arthur threw Merlin a sheaf with a short sword in it; he caught it and looked at his master clueless. "We're on patrol," he said. "That's why."

"What do you mean 'we'?" Merlin said. "Where do _we_ come into this?"

"Well, I'm on guard patrol, and as my manservant you have to come too," Arthur explained.

"_Have_ to?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, because _I_ say you have to come," the prince explained.

"I'll have to tell Gaius I'll be home late then," Merlin said to himself.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "For goodness sake, Merlin, he's your guardian not your mother! Be back in five minutes. I'll meet you in the courtyard."

-

Morgana looked at herself in the mirror as Gwen took her hair down. People said that she looked like her mother but she wouldn't know. Her parents had died when she was very young and, as Uther's closest friends, he was the only father she had ever known. He was a terrifying father at that. It was no wonder Arthur was such an idiot at times.

"Gwen" she said softly, the maidservant made a sound of acknowledgement, busy taking down the long locks of dark hair. "Have you ever noticed something strange about Merlin?"

"Merlin" Gwen said, her cheeks flushing. "What do you mean by 'strange'?"

"I mean… different" she replied. "Not in a nasty way I mean… have you ever felt that he knows more than he lets on?"

Gwen smiled, "Yes. Everyone thinks he's stupid but he isn't. I remember when my father fell ill with that plague and he recovered. Merlin came to me and asked if he was better before I'd told anyone."

Morgana turned around, "Really?"

She nodded and chuckled affectionately, "He said he was psychic."

Morgana turned back to look in the mirror again. She closed her eyes and thought of that day they fought the Afanc. It just seemed to catch fire from Arthur's torch. It was Merlin who had told him to use the torch. When she looked further into that memory she saw the fire burning in a pair of shining yellow eyes.

She opened her eyes.

From the window they both heard the sounds of horse hooves on the cobles. Morgana stood to have a look and Gwen followed. Outside they saw Arthur mount his horse, and wait impatiently in the courtyard. Finally, Merlin emerged from the castle and approached Arthur.

Morgana sighed, "Looks like they're on guard duty."

She came away from the window while Gwen watched as Arthur seemed to argue with Merlin who seemed reluctant to climb on a horse.

She turned around to see Morgana already in bed and smiling. "I don't need anything else, Gwen. You go home."

Gwen nodded, bid goodnight and made her way down to the courtyard also. Before she left she stopped by the secret alcove. She didn't think a letter would already be there, but it was. Tucking it into her bag she walked around to the courtyard but Arthur and Merlin had already gone.

Taking one last look at the window where she had stood just ten minutes ago, she lifted her red hood over her head and made her way home through the dark streets of the lower quarters of the city.

-

"All of that fuss just to get on a horse?" Arthur said as they rode along the streets of Camelot. "You're not afraid of them, are you?"

"No, it's not that. It's just this horse," Merlin explained. "Everyone has likes and dislikes."

"What has that horse ever done to you?" the prince asked.

"Whenever I am in the stables he pushes me."

"Don't be stupid, Merlin."

"I'm not, he's always shoving me."

"What about unicorns, do you like them?"

"I like _them_," Merlin said. "They're completely different."

"How are they _completely_ different?" Arthur asked. "What is it other than a glorified horse? It's just a horse with a horn on its head."

"They're mythical" Merlin said. "A horse is just a horse. They're all very nice and everything but I'm frightened of riding too fast on them because it might rear up or bite me or…"

"You _must_ have hit your head hard," Arthur hissed and shook his head, "Merlin, you never seize to amaze me."

Merlin stopped and jumped off, "I think I'm going to walk."

The prince chuckled, "You'll have to hold the horse's neck if you don't ride on his back, you know."

When Merlin hesitated, Arthur rolled his eyes and climbed off himself, taking both horses. He rubbed his arm, slightly embarrassed by the situation and tried to ignore talking about it. The city was almost in complete darkness with only a few faint lights shining.

Eventually Arthur turned to one of the other guards on patrol and left the horses with him. The pair of them walked off alone down one of the poorer streets in the area. Arthur mockingly threw an arm around Merlin's shoulders, and put on his most mocking voice.

"You know, Merlin," he said. "Sometimes animals can sense that something is wrong with a person. They are extra sensitive. Maybe that's why horses don't like you."

"Not _all_ horses, just _that_ one, and a few others" Merlin insisted. "Look, shouldn't we be on patrol?"

Arthur let Merlin go and rubbed his hands together, "Nothing much ever happens on patrol. The odd robbing, the odd troublemaker; the odd loose woman… the sort of thing you'd expect down here."

Merlin rolled his eyes. He gave up studying more of his book of magic to come out and walk around the streets at night doing nothing.

"You know, Merlin," Arthur said. "It just occurred to me how innocent to real life you seem to be."

"What do you mean 'innocent'?"

"Merlin, have you ever had a sweetheart?"

"What do you mean?"

"A female who was more than a friend that you spoke with, had fun with, maybe took back to your cottage," Arthur said, spelling it out.

"No," he said. "I told you the girls in my village thought I was strange."

"And I suppose you've never encountered a woman of loose morals before," Arthur asked. "Or robbers, I bet your village didn't see many robbers."

Merlin shook his head, "Not really, you just didn't see that sort of thing in Ealdor."

Two men walked slowly passed the two young men, watching them go before disappearing down another ally. Arthur ignored them and put his arm around Merlin again, "That's why I think this patrol will be an education for you, Merlin. You see—"

Someone who had been coming off the main street and onto the backstreet bumped into Arthur. They were so close they could smell each other; he of royalty and metal, she of old wool and candle wax. The two of them met each others eyes, and straight away recognised each other.

"Your highness" Gwen said, clumsily. She noticed Merlin and smiled. She looked at Arthur again, "Excuse me."

She made her way towards the other backstreet and walked down it. Arthur turned to Merlin and pointed. "Bumping into me is becoming a habit of Guinevere."

Merlin watched her go before answering, "Is it?"

He nodded, "She did it the other day."

"Well," Merlin said. "She is a servant in the place where you live."

They both turned to keep walking. Arthur spoke again, "She's quite pretty I suppose."

"Who," Merlin said. "Gwen?"

"Who else would I be talking about?" Arthur snapped. Then he remembered something, "Wait a minute, isn't she your girlfriend?"

Merlin looked at him, "No, why does everyone keep thinking that?"

"You offered to be killed to save her life."

"_That_ was just being a good friend," Merlin replied, almost saying that he was the one who had cured Gwen's father. Not that Arthur would have believed him. "It's no different from me going into the stocks to cover for you every week."

"Oh have they started throwing knives at you now?"

There was a scream.

The two men looked at each other; it was coming from the direction Gwen had gone. They heard it again. Arthur drew his sword and rushed towards the ally way, with Merlin in pursuit.

The two men who had passed them before were attacking her; one had her pinned down while the other tried to take her bag. Gwen was holding onto it for dear life; it had her money and her letter in it, and no robber was taking it away from her.

Arthur pushed aside the man who was trying to take the bag. He toppled over across the muddy stone pavement. He dragged the man who had her pinned down off her and shoved him hard against the wall, twisting his arm and making him cry out in pain. The man tried to resist but he was only a common thief, not a trained knight and prince of the realm.

Merlin saw Gwen lying helplessly on the floor, trying to regain control of the situation she was in by pulling herself to her feet.

"Run!" Merlin shouted to her.

Pulling herself up she saw Arthur struggle with the man he had dragged off her. The prince turned to look at her.

"Do as he says. _Run_!" he grunted.

Gwen took this as is it were an order. She grabbed her bag, and she scurried off like a frightened cat down the end of the ally and away.

The man who had been thrown aside advanced on her and Arthur. Merlin spotted a loose stone in the wall above them. He focused on it and whispered an incantation to it. The stone broke loose in a great explosion of power and landed hard on the man's head.

Finally the royal guards turned up and apprehended the two thieves. Arthur rushed off in the direction Gwen had fled while the guards turned to Merlin as they pulled the unconscious thief to his feet.

"What happened to this one?" one asked.

"Err, that stone came loose from the wall…"

"That was a bit of luck, wasn't it?" the guard said, dragging him off.

Elsewhere Arthur came out onto another main street and looked around for Gwen. He wanted to make sure she was alright. One thing he had learnt from frequently saving damsels in distress was that they normally hung around, waiting for him to check if they were alright – and he hated to disappoint.

Gwen was nowhere in sight. He couldn't hear any weeping or cries. Deciding that she must have run home, he sighed and turned back to find Merlin. As he turned the door just right of him opened and Gwen popped her head out.

"Thank you, sire," she said, her head down. "You saved me."

Arthur put his hands on his hips and walked closer to the light of Gwen's house shining onto the street. "You should know better than to wander around alone down the back allies of Camelot at night. Are you alright?"

She looked up and nodded, "Yes. I stayed quite late tonight at the castle tonight. I wanted to take a short cut home."

Arthur nodded, "In any case be careful in the future."

"I will" she said, managing to smile.

At that moment Merlin ran up. As soon as Gwen saw him she smiled. He looked at her and waved, "Hi there, are you alright?"

"I just asked her that, Merlin" Arthur said. "She's fine."

Gwen nodded in agreement. Merlin smiled and turned to Arthur, "Good. The watch guards want to talk to you."

Arthur nodded, glanced one last time at Gwen and made his way back towards where the guards were. Merlin turned to her and came closer to the door. "Are you alright?"

"I said so, didn't I?" Gwen said, smiling.

"No, Arthur said so."

"Well, I am fine."

Merlin nodded and headed off back the way Arthur had gone, "Well, night then."

"Goodnight," Gwen said softly, and she closed the door without a sound.

-

_To You,_

_I have already read your last letter many, many times. I've lost count how many. I look in it to check that what you have written is what I read. I look at it as if my mind is playing tricks on me, as if what I read cannot be true. Then I read it for the hundredth time and I realise that it truly is what you think, what you feel._

_I don't want to hurt your feelings, dearest, by my refusal to give you my name. Yet, I do what I do to save both our feelings until I am certain that we are both ready. I watch you from afar as you go about your business, unaware that I am there, watching you and wondering when I'll find the courage to approach you._

_You say that you could fall in love with me without seeing me and that, I feel, is proof that your heart is sincere. I feel the courage to tell you who I am soon. Not yet but soon. I keep wondering if you'll guess, but you never do._

_That is why, I feel, the only thing to do is to admit my feelings to your face. Only then will I gain the courage to deserve your love._

_Thinking of your as always,_

_An Admirer_

Gwen rubbed her eyes after reading over what she had written several times before sealing it; she decided that she would drop it off tomorrow morning.

She checked to see that he father was alright before settling down into bed too. She slipped the letter under her pillow and blew out the candle. As she rested her head on the pillow, she was asleep before she had time to think of her secret lover. Instead she dreamt about him – the odd thing was that she never saw Merlin's face. All she ever saw were the letters, and heard the words in her head. It was as if she were more in love with the letters than anything else.

The voice that read her letter was one shouldn't recognise when she woke up, as it lost itself inside her memory. All she could remember was thinking two simple words: 'Tell him.'

It played over and over in her head like the chorus of a tune on a lute. It screamed so loud that it kept trying to rouse Gwen from her sleep. She was certain at times the dream did wake her up but the dream was so vivid and she never opened her eyes, so teetered back into her dream.

She was still reading the letters. Now they were a circle formed around her. She picked each one up and held it to her nose. She thought about Merlin's own aroma. He smelt of herbs, worn cotton and old books. She had noted it every time he went past, she couldn't help it. Every time she smelt it or something similar she would think of him.

In her dream she couldn't smell the letters but her mind told her that the scent on this was different. She couldn't tell how but it was different. Her mind kept telling her that the letter smelt rich, and, at the same time, of metal and sweat.

What does this mean?

Suddenly, someone put their hands over her eyes. "Guess who!" the voice said. Once again the lute tune of 'Tell him' kept screeching in her head. She pushed the hands away and turned around. It was Prince Arthur! She looked beside him and saw Merlin, smiling.

"Don't worry," Arthur said. "It's just a dream."

"Be grateful it's just a dream," Merlin said.

Gwen stared at both of them. Next thing she knew the dream had jumped and she found herself lying in the grass outside of Camelot. Looking to each side she saw Merlin and Arthur lying on the grass as well, talking about nonsense. Finally she pulled herself and spoke to them.

"What are you doing her?" she asked.

"Hey, it's your dream, sweetheart" Arthur said pulling himself up too. "Listen, you're only dreaming about me because you saw me earlier. I have that effect on girls."

She scowled.

Arthur pulled himself to his feet and walked a few steps away, looking at the horizon. Merlin propped himself up on his elbow and grinned at Gwen, "Its okay, he's just in an odd place at the moment. Look, I think you should say the truth about your feelings."

Gwen propped herself up too and looked at him, eyes full of worry, "But I'm frightened of what you'll think."

Merlin shrugged, "Why should you?"

"Merlin, Guinevere," called Arthur.

When Gwen looked again he was on the back of his horse, in a full suit of armour, and the sun shining behind him like a figure off a tapestry. Gwen gasped at the sight of him. He was like a fairytale prince, not just a prince. She looked at Merlin who was still smiling.

"Don't worry," he said. "You don't have to stay much longer; it's time you got up anyway, see…" he pointed.

Gwen turned and saw her father smiling down on her. He mouthed something like 'Time to get up, Gwen'.

She turned back to Merlin, he nodded, "Yep, time to get up now. Listen, just roll over, I won't be offended."

Gwen automatically rolled down the dream-hill and opened her eyes.

She was back in her bed and looked up at her father through blurry eyes. He smiled at her, laying a hand on her forehead, "Are you alright, Gwen? It's not like you to sleep late."

Gwen pulled herself up, "Sorry, I was just having a very… odd dream. I couldn't wake up."

He nodded and walked out of the room, "Well, you're awake now. Better get up or else you'll be late for work."

-

Arthur stood in the grassy field just outside of the city walls, eyes closed as if deep in thought. He was listening to the sound of the wind brushing finely against the blossoms on the trees. Their petals flurried down onto him like confetti on a wedding day. His eyes were ready to sense any sort of movement.

He heard the clopping feet on the grass and the clang of metal as someone drew closer and closer towards him. His peace disturbed, Arthur opened his eyes and scowled.

"Three, two, one…" Arthur ducked as Merlin flew at him like an enemy would in battle. He went right passed Arthur and landed with a painful thud on the ground. The prince walked up to him, hand on hips, scowling over Merlin's smiling face.

"You heard me coming, right?"

"Stating the obvious, Merlin," Arthur said. "You would be a disaster on the battlefield. I wager you couldn't sneak up on an enemy but they could sneak up on you…"

Not if I used magic to cheat, Merlin said. He could have taken Arthur or anyone on a battlefield apart without lifting a finger if he wanted to. But Gaius had taught him that it was not only dangerous to use magic when it was forbidden but it was also cheating. It was a pity that Merlin liked bending rules.

Merlin reached into his pocket and took out the latest letter he had picked up from the secret alcove.

He grinned, "I suppose you want this." Arthur lunged forward, snatching the letter from him and opening it eagerly. As he read Merlin loomed over him, "Is it what you hoped it would be?"

Arthur turned around and smiled, "Oh, yes. But this is between me and her, understand."

Merlin held up his hands defensively, "Hey, I'm not prying."

The prince nodded and fell silent for all of five seconds before he turned to Merlin, grinning. They two of the stood close together like boys did a school and his whispered, "She said that she's almost ready to reveal herself."

"About time too," Merlin replied with an approving nod. "How long has it been now, five or six weeks?"

"Nearly six weeks exactly," Arthur said, tucking the letter into his chest plate. "I haven't had a relationship that lasted that long before. I normally get sick of them after a week."

"I know" Merlin said, his tone of voice changing from happy to annoyed, "I'm normally the one who has to drop them for you."

"I'd do it myself but," Arthur turned around and looked at him. He put on a mocking smile and gestured his hands towards Merlin with a nod, "look at that face. That face is the face of integrity, the face of the average human being, the face of the man who has no cunning or malice…"

Merlin chuckled at first before stopping and staring, "Are you saying I'm… _stupid_?"

Arthur raised his eyebrows suggestively and said, "Any woman would be lucky to have you, Merlin. She'd be guaranteed you'd never betray her for another woman."

Merlin sighed. Frankly he'd be too happy to get any girl and wouldn't see the need for another, so maybe Arthur was right. When he thought about it he saw that Arthur and he really were two sides of the same coin. The dragon certainly was no fool. The only trouble was that the coin always landed on tails, since Merlin always seemed to fall head first.

"Did you drop off my letter to her last night before we went out on guard duty, Merlin?" Arthur asked.

"No, I thought I'd tear it up and throw it out the window," Merlin said sarcastically. "Of course I dropped it off. She probably has it by now. For all I know she took it last night."

-

Gwen looked out the window watching Arthur and Merlin returning from the outer part of the city from Morgana's window. It was odd seeing them return from there, especially since she had a dream about them the previous night.

Morgana came up behind her and touched her shoulder. Gwen jumped but recovered quickly as her mistress looked over her shoulder. They both watched as Arthur strode back into the castle while Merlin, carrying a variety of Arthur's things, hurried after him. Gwen sighed.

"Poor Merlin," Morgana said, eyes on the servant.

Gwen nodded. She thought about her dream, how she kept thinking about how she should tell Merlin the truth. She knew that she had to do it. It was time to tell him the truth. She turned to her mistress, "Milady, can I get you anything?"

Morgana shook her head, "No, I'm fine. Go to and talk to Merlin if you want."

Gwen looked at her blushing while Morgana smiled knowingly.

She decided to take her mistress at her offer. Gwen decided to leave at noon and make her way towards Merlin's home where she knew he'd be either helping Gaius or having lunch. Opening the front door she found Gaius and Merlin sitting around the table talk about something that Gwen didn't catch. They stopped talking as soon as she came in.

"Gwen," Gaius said, acknowledging her presence. Merlin smiled at her; it melted her heart. "What brings you here?"

"I just wondered if, after he's eaten, Merlin would like to come for walk," she said looking at him. "I-I mean if you don't want to that's okay. Only I was going for a walk and I wondered if…" she began to trail off. "You know, you could come too."

Merlin chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, yeah that sounds great. I'll meet you in the courtyard."

Gwen beamed happily, "Okay."

"No, actually," he put down his spoon and got up. "Let's go now…"

"What about your vegetables?" Gaius interrupted.

"I don't know," Merlin said cheekily. "I seem to have gone off potatoes… I can't _imagine_ why!"

Gwen chuckled while Gaius rolled his eyes.

"When you get back you need to tidy up your room," Gaius added. "I'm worried you'll contract so terrible disease that no one has ever seen before and I won't be able to treat you."

"Yes, I will" he replied like a spoilt child. Merlin picked up his worn brown coat and made his way to the door, offering his arm to Gwen, "Shall we go?"

She nodded and followed him out.

They walked out into the courtyard and Merlin looked at Gwen as if to ask where she wanted to go. She pointed the way to go and they negotiated their way through a few crowds on the street. Finally they made their way outside to the grassy area which Merlin had just come from. Nonetheless he seemed happy enough to be back, and considerably happier not to be carrying around Arthur's things.

They found a nice piece of flat land where they sat down and enjoyed the coming of spring. It reminded Merlin that it was May Day soon and he had missed the celebrations meeting.

"Did I miss anything important?" he asked, sitting down.

He laid down his coat for them both to sit on.

"Oh, no, not really" Gwen said shaking her head. "I'd clue you in but they didn't really tell us much about what's going on that day. They never do. I mean the king just gives the speech because it's traditional. He probably didn't even notice you weren't there."

"I bet he did," Merlin said lying down. "He doesn't like me."

"You saved his son several times" Gwen pointed out.

"Well," he said, trying to think of the words. "It's not that he dislikes me. He just thinks I'm an idiot."

Gwen shook her head, "You're not an idiot."

Merlin chuckled, "That's one of the first things you ever said to me. You even said it was great that I stood up to Arthur."

"It was!" she said excitedly. "I think the influence you have over him is brilliant. I really like that you're having a… good influence."

Merlin laughed and looked up at Gwen without sitting up, "Come on, Gwen, you must want to tell me something if you're showering me with compliments. I mean you come around and ask me out on a date…"

Gwen blushed, too embarrassed to deny it because it was true. Merlin had only meant it all as a joke but it was true. She had asked him out, and she had done it so she could tell him about the letters. It was obvious he didn't have a clue or else he would have said something by now. They sat in silence for a while looking at the green and the white and the pink of newborn spring.

"Merlin," she said taking a deep breath. "There _is_ something I want to tell you."

Merlin looked up at the sky, his hands lying on his chest, "Yes?"

She couldn't decide whether she wanted to lie down as well and look up at the sky or sit up and look at him. Either way Merlin didn't seem to be taking it seriously.

"It's quite important" she quivered out.

Merlin straight away sat up, convinced there was something seriously wrong. He couldn't think what, though. "What is it?"

She twiddled her fingers nervously, as her chest started to tighten, her blood started to boil and her breath started to quicken. She sighed a few times and couldn't stop beaming, or laughing. Finally she forced herself into the mind set and began to say the crucial words.

"Merlin," she began. "Those letters…"

"Letters," Merlin repeated.

"The letters that are being left behind that loose brick," Gwen told him.

Merlin pretended he didn't know what she was talking about. He had been sworn to secrecy. He shrugged and shook his head, but then again Merlin was a very bad liar.

"I've seen you leave and take them," she explained.

"Ah," he said, "now no one was meant to see me."

"You haven't exactly played incognito very well, no," Gwen admitted, chuckling. She then changed her tone back and took a deep breath as she did. Looking him the eyes she remembered her dream, and she just found herself saying it. "I'm the one who's been sending them."

Merlin stared at her in disbelief. He tried several times to form words but failed each time. Finally, when he did form the words, they came out in a little amused chuckle. "You wrote the letters!"

Gwen nodded, taken aback by his laughing, "Yes, I wrote them."

The young man rubbed the back of his head before beaming, "I can hardly believe it!"

"Oh, I thought you might have…" she began.

"Guessed?"

"Yes," she said, a little confused. She managed to smile again "After everything that happened I thought—you really had _no_ idea?"

Merlin was stunned, "I thought, you know, when I first came here that you… I gathered from what you said, I mean, that you… Well, you know."

Gwen nodded, "Yes, well, now you know." Taking a deep breath she laughed in spite of herself, "I'm surprised at how easy this was. I was terrified of what you would think…"

"Why should you be bothered about hat?" he asked. He clapped his hands together and pulled himself up. "Well, what do you want me to do?"

"Do," she said, surprised and looking down, "well, nothing… if you don't want to."

"I have to do something," he said. "I mean do you want me to tell Arthur, or throw him off the lead, or hint at it, or…"

Gwen had been too busy in her own thoughts to register what Merlin was saying at first. He wasn't making sense. Finally she stopped him, holding her hands up, calling for silence.

"Wait a second," she said, frowning. "What has Arthur got to do with any of this?"

Merlin looked at her, "I just assumed, since you told me about the letters, you wanted me to do something about it."

She had to back peddle, "Again, what has that got to do with Arthur?"

He looked around him, searching the scene, as if he and Gwen were standing in two opposite parallel universes from each other. She wasn't making sense, and was looking at him as if he was speaking in another language.

In the end he spelt it out: "Because he's been getting these letters for over a month now and you just told me it was you who sent them."

Gwen stared at him, "Arthur?"

"Yes," Merlin said.

"Arthur?" she repeated.

He nodded, "Ye-es…"

Gwen stood there in complete silence for five seconds, trying to put the whole conversation into context. She couldn't get her head around it. Finally it hit home what she had done and it knocked her for six.

She gasped, so loud that it gave Merlin a fright, and covered her mouth with her hands. At that moment she turned redder and hotter than she had ever done before, realising the unbelievably awkward situation she had found herself in. She shook her head in denial and began to whisper, "No, no, _what_ have I _done_!?"

Merlin was concerned. He put a hand on her shoulder, which made her leap out her skin; she was too embarrassed to look him in the face.

"Are you alright?"

She shook her head.

"Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head at first but then begun to nod.

"What is it?"

She almost felt compelled to tell him the whole story from the beginning at that moment but she just couldn't find the courage to do it. Her courage was maxed out and she no longer had the energy or the dignity to tell him the truth at that moment.

Taking her hands away from her mouth, she whispered to him; "Just don't tell Arthur it's me. I need time to think."

* * *


	4. Part 4

**I have decided that from now on that chapters of this story will be uploaded on Mondays, not Saturdays. Therefore the story will always appear on Livejournal two days before it appears here.**

* * *

Morgana's eyes shot open.

Sitting up suddenly she realised that she had dropped off in her chair from lack of anything else to do. It had been another vivid dream, the _same_ dream. It was obvious that the sleeping drafts were not working for her. She had to convince Gaius to tell her more about what she saw. She had to tell _someone_…

She pulled her wrap around her and walked cross the sunny courtyard, straight towards Gaius's apartments. There was no guarantee he would be there, but if he wasn't then Merlin might be; she could leave a message with him.

Finally getting to the dark passage that led to his home she opened the door and stepped inside. There didn't appear to be anyone in. She sighed in defeat and walked in nonetheless. She ran her fingers across the books on the table, all of them about how to make concoctions with herbs to heal the sick and soothe pain, about creatures that inhabited the kingdom, and about science. They were all subjects Morgana lacked interest in.

She heard a clang come from the little room at the top of a small set of stairs. She made her way over to see what it was.

"Gaius?" she called quietly.

There was no reply.

Morgana cautiously went to the door and peered through. Inside she saw someone lying on a small bed in the corner with their head buried in a book. It had to be Merlin. She was about to knock on the door to alert him to her presence when she heard the clag again. Merlin looked up, not seeing her through the break in the door, and got up.

"Oh well," he said to himself. "It was a nice try."

He sat back down on the bed with a bucket of water. Morgana scowled, what _was_ he _doing_? He sat cross legged on the bed with the book his was reading lying in front of him and he placed the bucket on the table by his bed. He then picked up a scrubbing brush. Morgana tried to lean forward to see what he was going to do with it.

"Right, now, let's try again" he said. He placed the brush down with the bucket and shook his head, "Why is it that for all the things I can use this book for I _can't_ use it to do my housework?"

He located something on the page of the book he was reading and drew breath to speak; unbeknownst that Morgana was watching intently. He whispered something old-sounding, like an ancient poem. Then, suddenly there was another small crash. Merlin looked towards the door…

Morgana gasped, backing against the wall. She waited a few moments before looking back into the room, covering her mouth to hide her breathing.

Merlin was standing by the window, looking out at the city. Morgana leant in closer to see what was going on. Merlin said something before she could look. She froze, as if he knew she was here. Then she realised that Merlin was talking to himself.

"I hope Arthur doesn't get into trouble today," he said. "If I end up in the stocks again and he nearly gets killed… Ow!" he felt behind him to rub his back, "Let's hope he doesn't meet any more of the sidhe; I'm lucky I can walk… ouch!"

He turned, she ducked away.

She left it a few seconds before she dared to look again. He was lying on his bed with his eyes closed. He then chuckled, "Let's hope Gwen keeps her feet on the ground…"

It was at that moment Morgana heard someone coming from the passageway outside the room. It must be Gaius, she thought.

"Merlin!" called Gaius from outside.

Morgana rushed down the small stairs into the main room so that Merlin wouldn't see that she was right outside the door. Trying to look as if she'd only just stumbled in, she looked at the odd herbs and books on the table as Gaius came in.

"Merlin!" he called again as he saw her. "Morgana."

Merlin came out of his room at that moment and saw her too. He stopped dead, his skin pale with shock, "Hello, Morgana."

She stared at him before managing to smile, "Hello, Merlin."

Gaius came up towards her and gave her an affectionate, fatherly kiss on the cheek. As he spoke to her he glanced at Merlin, "How long have you been waiting, my child?"

"Oh, I only just came in," she lied. "I didn't know Merlin was home."

"I didn't know she was here" Merlin said independently, to Gaius.

"Yes, she just said that, Merlin," Gaius said.

Merlin awkwardly nodded and looked away, not knowing what to say. Morgana glanced at him before turning to Gaius, "I had another dream."

"I thought as much," the old man replied.

He motioned her into a chair and began to put together some sort of tea for her. As he worked he glanced up at Merlin. "Don't you have to go back to work, Merlin?"

"No," he said, picking up one of Gaius's books and reading it through. He looked up and saw Gaius staring at him. "Oh right, that was a _hint_. I can take a hint."

Merlin put down the book, picked up his jacket and went towards the door.

"It's alright," Morgana said to Gaius. "I trust Merlin."

"Don't worry about me," Merlin assured her with an innocent smile. "I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll just walk aimlessly around the castle until someone gives me an order." He nodded to Morgana, "See you later."

She watched him go, her eyes not leaving him. She managed to smile as she did so. As soon as he was gone it faded and she wondered about the scene she had witnessed in his room. What _had_ she actually seen? She wondered if he had been using the 'forbidden' word. Furthermore she wondered what he was talking about with the 'sidhe' and whatnot.

Gaius sat down at the end of the table and poured her out the tea before offering it to her. She drank it nervously, looking around the cluttered and dusty room, wondering how anyone as old as Gaius could stand to live in a place like it.

"Well?" Gaius said.

"Well," Morgana began. "It was the dream again. I didn't think anything of it at first but now… I don't know."

"Do you still see Gwen in the dreams?"

She nodded, "I see her sitting in a room, crying. It's all so vivid… I know I see Arthur as well, and Uther, and a fire burning, and blood pouring across the floor of the throne room, and then…" she said, trying to recall. "I saw the eyes again."

Gaius started up, "The_ cat_ eyes?"

"Yes, the same yellow cat eyes," she explained. "Like the eyes of a demon."

She gulped down the tea in one go, trying to remain as ladylike as possible.

Gaius shook his head, "It's just a nightmare, Morgana. You've been dreaming of those yellow eyes ever since you were a little girl. It doesn't mean anything."

"Then why do I keep seeing it!" she cried.

Gaius raised his hands to calm her down, resting them on her shoulders, "Morgana, I keep telling you. Your mind is playing tricks. Everyone has nightmares."

Morgana nodded, not convinced. "So what are you going to do now? Drug me with an even stronger sleeping draft?"

Gaius sighed, "What do _you_ want to do?"

She sighed helplessly, "I don't know what I _can_ do. I never have ever since I was a child. I'd just dream things and then they'd happen."

She stood and walked towards the window.

"Like that time Arthur fell off his horse and broke his wrist," she said. "I dreamt that for nearly a month before it happened. I remember the dream even now – it happened _just_ as I said it would!"

She turned to look at Gaius, "I just want to be able to sleep at night and know the dreams I am having _are_ just dreams. Now, tell me honestly, is that ever going to happen?"

There was a long pause.

Gaius shook his head, "I only wish it could be that way, Morgana."

With a look of defeat in her eyes she turned to leave. Then she stopped, thinking of Merlin again. She turned to look at Gaius. He stood looking at her in silence. After a short pause he finally spoke.

"What is it, Morgana?"

"Gaius," she began. "May I ask you something… about Merlin?"

"What about Merlin?"

"Have you ever noticed something… _different_ about him?"

Gaius turned back to his work, "He's a very 'different' sort of a boy. Why do you ask?"

"It's just…" she began, trying to find the right words. She didn't want to mention magic as she knew how loyal Gaius was to Uther, and didn't want to worry him. "There _is_ something different about him."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like," she said, "he knows about things that no one else does. Whenever Arthur is saved he's always there. Remember when I had that dream about Sophia killing him. You said yourself that you would find someone who could help him… and you sent Merlin."

Gaius shrugged, "There was no one else to send."

"You could have told Uther," she said. "If Arthur had just run off to elope then you could have had Uther send riders out to find them. You could have sent the whole army knowing the mood Uther is in these days. But you didn't… you sent _Merlin_."

Gaius glanced at her, "He offered to go. It wasn't exactly an emergency. I didn't want to worry Uther needlessly."

"Then there's the druid boy," she began. "Mordred, you remember him. When I was treating him, he called out my name. I heard him say it but his lips didn't move. It's like… he was in my mind."

"What's your point?"

"When his father was executed," she explained. "Merlin was with me; we were watching from my bedroom window. The boy screamed so loud he smashed my mirror. Again, his lips didn't move. He did it in his mind, and I could hear him. Looking back I realised… _Merlin could hear him too_. He tried to speak to him a few times while he was there. Merlin and I could hear Mordred speak to us in our minds while Arthur and Gwen couldn't hear…"

The old man put his work down and looked at her, "Morgana…"

"Is he like me?"

The old man looked at her, "In what way?"

"You _know_ what I mean."

Gaius picked up a bottle and handed it to her, "Drink this before you go to bed it should induce a very deep sleep…"

"I take it that's a _yes_," Morgana said.

"…Your mother used to find it very effective."

"Gaius, please," she said imploringly. "Tell me."

"Morgana" Gaius said. "I will not say anything that will incriminate you _or_ Merlin."

She shook her head helplessly, "You don't understand. I can _feel_ it on him…"

The old man shook his head, "Then why are you talking to me about it?"

Morgana stood in silence, not knowing how to reply. In the end she didn't. She just took the medicine and walked out.

-

The next day Gwen came into the castle with two letters; one for Arthur and one for Merlin. She had taken all night to write them and felt quite weary for having done so. But it was worth it. She had decided that the only way she could find the courage to confess anything. It made her feel stronger.

Firstly, she dropped off the letter to Merlin.

She knocked on the door and found Gaius inside but no sign of Merlin. On some level she was glad as she would rather the letter were passed on rather than have to give it to him herself.

Gaius was brewing something at his workbench when she walked in. He turned and smiled, "Gwen, what brings you here? Are you here to see Merlin?"

"Why, is he here?" she asked.

"I'm afraid not," he replied. "He just left to see Arthur."

"Good," she whispered before swiftly handing him the letter. "Make sure he gets that."

Gaius took the letter, looking it over and nodded, placing it safely into a book. "I'll make sure he does. Was that all?"

She nodded and turned to leave. Then she remembered something. "Oh, by the way, make sure that he knows it is for him. Don't let him give it to Arthur by mistake."

Gaius tilted his head, having no idea what she meant. He nodded again, "I will."

The second letter was to go to Arthur. There was only one place she felt she could leave that; in the secret alcove where all the letters were left. When she opened it she found yet another letter there, as always. She took it and replaced it with the letter she had written.

For the first time she had written a letter solely for Arthur.

Walking towards Morgana's apartments she thought about those letters and the things she had considered the night before when she wrote, what she believed would be her last letter to Arthur.

Her feelings for Merlin had already been there when she started writing, and he started replying. The more she read the letters the more in love she fell. Now she didn't know what to think. Had she only fallen in love with the letter writer because she believed it was Merlin, or had she on some level fallen in love with the letter writer because she thought she was seeing a different side to someone she _thought_ she loved?

In the end she decided she had to set the record straight. With Merlin, in any case; it had gone too far to amend the damage it might have done to Arthur. She could hardly tell him that it was a case of mistaken identity.

She wasn't even sure it was anymore.

The letter writer had bared a part of his soul to her in those letters. When she thought about it she felt it was possible that Arthur was just making the whole thing up. He had never been someone you could associate with 'deep feelings' and certainly not one for writing romantic love letters.

Yet he did, and there was a chance that he could truly be developing feelings for her. The thing was that she had Merlin to tell her what he thought. Then again what if he _did_ have feelings for her, maybe even love her? Gwen knew she was getting ahead of herself but what if he found out now it was her that sent the letters. He'd be humiliated and probably ridicule her.

But that is the Arthur I know from every day life, Gwen thought. Not the letter writer.

Was this rough-tough Arthur all there was to him? He had done so many noble and loving things – he saved Merlin from dying even though there was a risk that he could die, and he rescued her the other night from being robbed by thieves…

Gwen walked into Morgana's chambers and greeted her with a forced smile. "Good morning, milady."

Morgana walked up to her and noticed straight away something was wrong, "What's the matter, Gwen?"

"Oh, nothing, milady" she said bravely. "I'll be fine."

Morgana wasn't convinced, but decided not to press the issue since Gwen was obviously not looking for advice. She walked over to her drinking cabinet and poured out a cup of wine. She took it as if it were medicine. It had become a habit recently – medicating herself with wine seemed to take the edge off the dreams much better than the sleeping drafts did.

She even wondered what would happen if she poured the sleeping draft into a cup of wine.

"Gwen," she said suddenly.

"Yes, milady," Gwen replied, also in a world of her own. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Do you speak to Merlin often?" the lady asked.

"He's" Gwen began. She thought for a moment before finishing. "He's my friend, milady. One of the best I could ask for."

"I thought the two of you were—" Morgana began.

Gwen started up, "We're not! We never have… and we probably never will now."

Morgana was intrigued, realising this was why Gwen looked so down, "Why do you say that?"

The maidservant took a deep breath and shook her head. "It's a long story."

Morgana turned back to pour another glass of wine, this time getting one for Gwen. She handed it to the girl and sat down, "Tell me. I want to help."

Gwen took the cup and shook her head again, "I don't see how anyone can help. I'm so confused and…" she sat down. She felt like telling someone who wouldn't judge her, but she had to think about how she could cover up for things Morgana might find awkward – like Arthur's involvement – as she knew that in reality Morgana would probably end up as queen one day.

She began: "I've been sending letters to a man. I thought he was Merlin at first but I recently found out that it was in fact another man. He would write such wonderful things in the letter, and always ask who I was and… I thought it was Merlin I loved, and the letters made me believe it more but now…"

"You're in love with the man who you have been writing letters to?" Morgana asked.

"That's just it," Gwen said in a strained, confused voice. "I don't know what to think anymore. I _adore_ Merlin. There's just something about him; he's so kind, sweet, and funny. He's so _wonderfully_ _weird_…"

Morgana nodded and smiled, "Tell me about it."

"I liked him as soon as I saw him," Gwen confessed. She then held her head down, ready to talk about 'the other man', "But the man who was writing the letters…"

"What's he like?"

"He's very… un-Merlin," she explained. "He's much harder, not nearly as sweet, and is a bit of a… bully. Not to me or anything but, you know, to others. You know the type."

Morgana nodded again, "Sounds like most men our age. Arthur is one, his friends are another. Not many men are like Merlin."

Gwen looked away at the mention of Arthur, "I know. But the thing is that these letters have shown another side of him to me. I mean the other day he helped me when I was walking home late and even came to see if I was alright. He doesn't even have a _clue_ the letters were written by me. It made me wonder… what if he just behaves that way because he feels he needs to."

"Could be," Morgana said. "The thing about men is that they often pretend to be tougher than they really are. What sort of things did the man write in his letters?"

Gwen couldn't help but smile, "The most touching and endearing things I have ever read. Looking back over the letters I'm surprised I didn't catch on quicker. Funny thing is that even in my dreams when I thought about the letters I never saw Merlin. I only ever saw the words."

Morgana chuckled, "It sounds like you answered your own question."

"Sorry?"

"You're obviously in love with this man."

Gwen looked at her, cheeks starting to flush.

"It sounds like what you felt for Merlin was a bit of a—" Morgana tried to find the right word, "an _infatuation_. We all get those. But this other man, I don't know, when I look at you when you speak of him… there's _something there_."

Gwen smiled shyly, "You think?"

Morgana nodded, "I do."

The maid smiled before looking away and shaking her head, "It doesn't matter because it's never going to work out."

"Why not?"

"It's a long story."

"I have plenty of wine."

Gwen chuckled, "It's longer than that. The bottom line is that… I'm not good enough for him."

Morgana scowled. She put down her wine goblet and took Gwen's hands, "Listen to me, Gwen. Don't ever believe that you're not good enough for someone. Any man would be lucky to have you."

"It's not like that," the maid replied. "He's a bit higher up in the social class than I am."

Gwen thought, _A bit_ doesn't cover it. He's a bloody Prince!

"That doesn't matter!" Morgana said firmly. "If this man loves you then he should fight for you, and damn your social class. Whether he's a servant like you, or a lord, or a king, he should _fight_ for you. Then you'll know your love is true."

Gwen shook his head, "It's funny but before Merlin came here…"

"Hmm," Morgana said through a smile.

"I had a little bit of a crush on this man," she confessed, "Just a little one, mind. Very, very little, but I did; ever since I was a little girl, actually."

Morgana tilted her head, "I didn't know that!"

"I didn't want to tell you because…" Gwen began but she stopped. She almost said 'because I knew how you felt about him.' She just shook her head and smiled, "I… thought you might laugh."

Morgana reached out to pat Gwen's hair as if they were sisters, "Don't be silly. I would _never_ laugh at you. You're the only person who keeps me sane in this world. I do anything to make you happy."

Gwen couldn't help but smile. Morgana was so much more than her mistress; she was her friend.

"I _am_ happy," Gwen said. "I'm just confused. I feel as if… I'm trapped. I don't want to confess my love to this man face to face. I'm just terrified of what will happen."

"It'll be fine," Morgana replied. "If he is worthy of your love then he will love you the moment he realises it is you."

-

Merlin walked into his master's chambers and, for the first time in that week, Arthur wasn't waiting by the door for him. On the other hand Merlin had made sure to get up extra early so Arthur probably hadn't got up yet. He walked into the bedroom and found Arthur sitting in bed, staring into space. On his lap there was a letter.

Another one, Merlin thought.

He still hadn't come around to the fact that Gwen was the letter writer. It made him see them in a whole other way. He then remembered Morgana's dream about Gwen, and how she saw her as Queen of Camelot. Merlin shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself.

It was then he noticed that Arthur had a troubled look on his face.

"Morning, sire" he said chirpily.

Arthur looked at him and then straight ahead again, "I never thought I'd live to see you get here early. Has the plague finally broken out in that pig sty you call a bedroom?"

Merlin cleared his throat.

He went on: "You're welcome to sleep on the floor of my bedroom after you've swept it."

"And is there a reason for your prickliness this morning, sire?" Merlin asked.

The prince sighed, laying his head back around the head board of the bed with his eyes closed. "I went out early to get the letter from the alcove this morning."

Merlin nodded and set to folding up Arthur's discharged nightshirt. A part of him felt a little smug, as he was 'in the know', "You must be keen, then."

"Keener than she seems to be," Arthur said quietly.

The manservant stopped and asked, "How'd you mean?"

"It's her latest letter," he explained. "It's much more… formal than the others."

Merlin swallowed, "In what way?"

Arthur handed it to him, "Read it, I don't mind."

The servant read aloud:

_Sir,_

_Over the last few weeks your letters have inspired a strange and deep meaning within me. You say that my identity kept you writing, but for me it was that I was certain I knew who you were. What I found from these letters you sent showed how wrong I was about who you were, in more ways than one. _

_You truly have a sensitive side…_

Merlin couldn't help chocking back a chuckle.

…_that I feel you do not show often enough. I'd like to see you use this romantic side of you more. Yet, in reading your letters I have come to realise several things. Firstly, I must be straight with you – as well as you there is someone else…_

He stopped and looked at Arthur, "Oh…"

"Read the rest," Arthur ordered.

Merlin obeyed, curious to know who Gwen's 'other man' was…

_I have had feelings for this man for some time now and I am confused. I see him and I burn with emotion. Yet when I read your letters I burn just as much, if not even more. Now, when I see you walking around the palace, I daren't look you in the face for fear you'll see me for what I am._

Merlin paused again, thinking about the words. Was this true? He had suspected Gwen had an innocent crush on Arthur but had no idea she was going through this. It made him feel awkward. He was supposed to be her best friend.

_This brings me to the second point – although you said that you could love me no matter what, I feel that any love between us is impossible. The truth is that regardless of this other man he is more within my reach. You are a prince, and I cannot compete with other women, more beautiful and glamorous, and – above all – rich as they are. _

_I have nothing to offer you other than little love letters and a heart, which is not enough for a prince who deserves so much more._

_An Admirer_

Merlin put the letter down and looked at Arthur, "I think she prefers you deep down."

The prince sighed, "Another man. That has never happened to me before. A girl who I care for has another man."

"I'm sorry."

"God!" cried Arthur, throwing his head back again and covering his face. "If only I knew who she was I'd be able to fight for her or _better_," he added. "I'd put that other man in his place."

Merlin sighed. He had promised Gwen he wouldn't tell her that he knew it was her sending the letters, but he had to tell Arthur something.

"I know who she is" Merlin said quietly.

Arthur sprang up with a start and stared at him, "_What_, you know who she is?" He nodded. The prince jumped up onto his feet, "Tell me!"

"I can't," the servant replied. "I promised her I wouldn't tell you her name."

"Why?" Arthur said with a scowl.

"Because she just did," Merlin replied.

"Merlin," Arthur said in his stern 'I-am-the-Prince' voice, "_Tell_ me who she _is_!"

He shrugged, "I can't tell you, but I might be able to find out who the other man is for you."

Arthur sighed and fell backwards onto the bed again, throwing his arms over the other aide and groaning loudly. He felt so frustrated. Merlin stood there awkwardly, looking out the window for distraction. He knew he'd crack eventually, but he couldn't betray Gwen.

Merlin sighed, "I'm sorry. I truly am sorry sire but… she's my best friend."

"Fine" the prince finally said.

"Fine…" Merlin repeated.

"Find out who this man is for me, and then," Arthur said pulling himself up. He walked over to the window and looked out at the white sky. He held himself tall and strong, as if he were regaining the masculinity he had shamelessly let down right in front of Merlin.

"And then?" Merlin asked.

"Find out just how serious they are."

-

Merlin wandered home in a daze, thinking about Gwen and the letter she had sent to Arthur. He wondered whether his asking about her feelings for Arthur the other day had frightened her off. Had he ruined this relationship for Arthur? Had he ruined Gwen's chance to be part of a fairytale come true?

He dragged himself into the room. Gaius looked up and pulled a poker face when he saw how shattered and saddened his charge seemed to be in comparison to the personification of cheerfulness.

He collapsed into a chair and buried his head in his arms at the table. Gaius slipped two piece of paper in front of him. Merlin looked up and took them, "What are these?"

"A note and a letter," Gaius explained, getting back to his work, "The note is from Morgana, asking if you could bring her another sleeping draft and some more willow bark for her headaches. The letter is from Gwen, she delivered it this morning. She told me to point out that it is for _you_."

Merlin looked at the letter sealed up, just for him. "Why would she be writing to me? She only lives a few streets away…"

Gaius rolled his eyes, "I don't know, Merlin. Why don't you read it?"

"And why does Morgana want me to bring her the sleeping draft?" Merlin asked.

Gaius looked away, "I'm too busy to take it myself."

Merlin groaned and made his way to his room. The day wasn't even over yet and he was completely drained of all happiness. All he could think about was Arthur and how sad he was. What made it worse was that he had made it worse by telling him he knew who the girl was.

Why did I do that? Merlin asked himself.

He sat on his bed and opened the letter from Gwen. He wondered if it contained instructions from her on what he could and could not say to Arthur about her. He hated being in the middle of this love affair gone wrong. It was bad enough he had his own 'big' secret without keeping Gwen's too.

He read the letter;

_Merlin,_

_This is more of a confession than anything else. It is a confession of the foolish mistake that I made which has now left me in the middle of a hopeless circle of confusion. Like something out of a fairytale…_

At that moment his innocence of the situation was broken:

_This is the confession; I love you. It was my error in not just telling you months ago how I felt, but writing these letters where anyone could have read them. As it turns out the original letter that I wrote, it was written for you—not the man who read it. I foolishly kept reading and writing believing the writer was you. _

_And yet I knew something wasn't quite right.__ The language used, the handwriting, the smell of the paper, I knew it wasn't you. I suppose I was living a delusion. But, Merlin, I have now found myself caught by my own feelings. I love you, but I also love Arthur. The things he wrote… they have shown a different side to him, one I didn't know was there._

_I can't lie anymore. I need to know what you think and how you feel. I imagine this will cause you some distress, and this I am sorry for, but you of all people will understand my need an answer._

_You need not write a reply to me, just tell me face to face. I promise I will accept whatever choice you make, and I hope I can count on your sympathy and support no matter what because that is just your good nature._

_Gwen._

Merlin slumped back into his pillow, took a deep sigh and closing his eyes wishing he hadn't woken up this morning. He tried to churn all the information over in his head. It just didn't seem to make sense in his head.

Gwen had feelings for him?

Thinking back over the last few months it was somewhat obvious, what with her kissing him and Morgana and Arthur mistaking their relationship for that of a romantic one. Even Lancelot, who had clearly been smitten with Gwen, asked him whether they were – to put it in polite terms – having relations.

He'd laughed at the very idea. "No, we're just friends!"

He had no idea Gwen felt that way – and that really did make him an idiot. One of the first things he said to her was along those lines: "I'm Merlin, but most people just call me 'idiot'." And he _was_ a complete idiot.

The tragic thing was that no girl had ever fallen for him before, so he didn't know what to do. He felt helpless and clueless. He had always believed that he would know the girl he would love the moment he saw her. Ironically Merlin had been 'attracted' to plenty of girls, but for some reason Gwen was never one of them.

Besides, even if he did love her, what would be the point? Arthur was in love with her too – although he didn't know it yet – and he always got the girl. He deserved the girl, really. He had been the one she fell in love with over the letters. Gwen deserved to have the prince too. She would live out every serving girl's fantasy.

He loved Gwen, but as a friend. She meant the world to him, but just not in _that_ way. If there was a chance Gwen could find happiness with the most handsome prince in the kingdom, he wouldn't stand in the way of it. Even if he did feel the same, Merlin couldn't offer Gwen. He was only a servant. He was a servant with a great destiny but nonetheless he was still a servant.

After thinking everything over in his head, he stumbled out of his room an hour later rubbing his eyes. Gaius was reading peacefully. He looked up, "Feeling better now?"

Merlin nodded and sat in a chair at the bench. Gaius stared at him, "Merlin."

"Hmm"

"Morgana's sleeping draft," he stated. Merlin sighed, picked up the sleeping draft and the willow bark, and made his way out the door. "And remember the meeting."

"What meeting?"

"The May Day meeting," Gaius replied.

Merlin thought for a moment, "Wait a minute, I thought we already had one."

"There is another one."

As if other people didn't have anything better to do, Merlin thought. He groaned, "Holding meetings must be one of Uther's favourite pass times; holding meetings, burning witches and putting me in the stocks."


	5. Part 5

**

* * *

**Arthur sat at his desk, dangling a quill loosely between his fingers. He reclined in his chair with his eyes half open. The afternoon sunshine was shining into his room, illuminating his face. Surrounding him were pieces of paper, thrown to one side, ready to be picked up by Merlin and thrown into the fire.

A servant knocked on the door. It was Gregory, the knife-dodging-brainless-wonder. "Highness, your presence is required in the throne room."

Arthur didn't answer, just nodded slowly. As the door closed he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked at his ink tray to see it was empty and dried out. He reached over to where he kept spares but found it had been moved.

"Blast you, Merlin!" he grunted under his breath.

He banged the draw shut and looked through the rest of his desk to find the ink. Finally he found it under the papers – Merlin much have been distracted while taking away the scraps to be burnt; he remembered that he had asked him to get his armour while he was clearing it for him the other day.

He always made sure to keep his love letters hidden in a secret place where he thought Merlin didn't know about – although he actually did – under his bed.

Dripping his quill in the ink he began to write again. It was his fourth try at writing this letter. He didn't want to make a mistake.

_After receiving your letter words cannot describe how saddened I was. _

_I have spent the last few weeks trying to tell you how much I love you, how I would love you not matter what, and now you tell me that our love is impossible? The only thing that seems to make it impossible is your constant belief that it cannot be possible._

He paused, swallowed and went on.

_Therefore I feel there is only one thing for it…_

His hand shook as he wrote.

_I must confess—that I am in love with you. _

_I would not write this to any woman and not mean it. If I did not love you I would not have continued to write to you for so long. What more can I do to explain on paper how much I love you despite having never seen your face. _

_The answer is nothing…_

He looked out of the window; the spring high sun stained the sky bright blue. He turned back to his letter.

_There is only one thing I can suggest now—I want us to meet. _

_I feel after all this time it isn't too much to ask that I finally see who you are. _

_Therefore I put this proposition to you. On the __First of May Day during the celebrations I will go to the secret alcove after the feast, when the dancing begins. I will stay there for half an hour. If you do not come then I shall take it that you wish nothing more to do with me. I will stop writing to you and your identity will forever be a mystery to me. _

_I hope against all hope that you will meet me there._

Putting the quill down, dried off the ink and sealed it up.

He realised that he had stayed longer than he should have. He thought of leaving the letter at the secret alcove but he decided to leave it with Merlin. He said he knew the girl, so he could take it directly to her.

He put it somewhere safe and made his way down the to dreary throne room for the dreary old speech that he heard every year. It was the Eve of May, and the Eve of May was all about getting the room ready for tomorrow.

Frankly, he didn't know why his father bothered to say anything. No one ever listened.

-

Merlin remembered to knock on Morgana's door before he went in. He always had a habit of bursting in on people at the wrong moment. It was normally because he was in a hurry, but right now he was too drained to rush in. Still, he managed to smile again. Thinking about Gwen's letter to him actually made him happy and flattered. It was a nice feeling to know that someone loved him; even if she loved Arthur too.

It was probably the best he could ever hope for.

Morgana opened the door herself; Gwen was nowhere in sight. She had probably gone to that meeting. She smiled, "Merlin, thank you for coming."

Merlin smiled back, "No problem."

They stood looking at each other for a while before Merlin realised he was staring again. He quickly thrust the willow bark and sleeping draft into Morgana's hand.

"Gaius said you wanted me to bring this," he said.

"Hmm," Morgana murmured, as if she didn't quite recall. "Oh, _yes_, of course I did."

Merlin nodded and pointed towards the stairs, "Well, I better be—you know, off. Bye."

He turned to leave.

"Wait, Merlin—" Morgana reached out and touched his shoulder.

As soon as they made contact, for the first time in the time they had known each other, something happened to both of them.

Morgana felt a rush of power run through her, stronger than anything she had ever felt. Then, for a moment she saw the eyes again, those eyes from her dream, the yellow demon eyes, staring back at her—she stumbled into him.

Merlin turned to look at her, and in his mind he saw flashes of fire burning, of horses running, of Arthur, of Uther, and Gwen, and finally—he stumbled into her.

"Sorry," they both said in chorus.

They were literally propping each other up. Merlin put his arms around Morgana's waist to pull her straight, while she clutched one hand to his arm and one arm to his neck, still overpowered by that strange aura that had crushed her with just one touch. She felt it even as she held on to him. It felt like a giant pulse; she couldn't tell whether the pulse was coming from her or him or both.

What are you? She thought.

A guard had heard the small movement, and leant over to look up the stairs to make sure all was well. Morgana saw out of the corner of her eye and looked at him. The guard scowled as Merlin turned and made a pathetic wave.

Morgana was worried; this scene could be read in several ways, none of them especially appealing should they reach Uther's ears. On the other hand, if magic was at the heart this strange embrace she wasn't going to risk it happening in from of a guard.

Morgana grabbed Merlin's hand, "Inside."

"Huh, what—"

But before he could object, Morgana had dragged him into her chambers, closed the door and locked in behind her.

-

Uther addressed the courtiers and servants with the same tyrannical voice he addressed the mob at an execution. He managed to add a tinge of joy to his voice, but otherwise it was the same old pompous voice.

Arthur stood behind him, rubbing his eyes, unengaged with the 'opening' of the celebration. He noted that once again Morgana had not come down, and one again, Merlin had failed to appear.

He'll be lucky if he doesn't end up in the stocks _again_, he thought.

He glanced around the room among the courtiers, noting the women in the crowd who looked at him, blushing and chuckling.

He sighed and looked at the servants.

They were quietly reserved, knowing that today would be hard work for them. But it was worth it on the day as they would be permitted to enjoy the celebrations – while working. Their one _real_ award was that if the work on the hall was done today they were allowed the morning and early afternoon of to go a-maying tomorrow.

"I would also like to announce," Uther went on, "That we will be receiving some special guests from many of the neighbouring countries in Albion. I am honoured to say that Gawain of Orkney will be arriving this evening to join the May Day celebrations here as an ambassador for his father…"

Among the crowds Arthur spotted Morgana's maidservant, Gwen. It didn't dawn on him straight away but he realised on second glance that she was looking at him. The way he held his eyes it was obvious she hadn't realised he had noticed her or was looking at her either. He remembered how un-damsel-like she had been the other night when he had aided her during that attack.

And for one moment, one brief moment, he wondered—

"…so let us go forth and pray that God blesses us with a rich and fruitful spring," Uther finished, snapping Arthur out of his thoughts.

The crowd brought their hands together and clapped as he sat down. As the crowd dispersed he motioned Arthur towards him.

Arthur lent in as Uther hissed, "Where is that _damned_ servant of yours? I am this close to putting him in the stocks and leaving him there till he has ripened—"

"Alas, father," Arthur said, "my servant is an idiot but he is especially ineffective when he doesn't know where he's supposed to be."

"You mean you didn't tell him?" Uther said coldly. "That damned boy is a danger to society. He's going to be wandering around for the next few days having no idea what he's doing."

"Then it will not affect performance as a servant," Arthur said. Uther sniggered. "Merlin is a wonder, nonetheless. He's damned pleasant company; everything you say to him either goes over his head or rolls off his back."

"I pity Gaius for being stuck with a ward like him," the king scowled. He then calmed down and sighed, "He is close to you, nonetheless. I cannot deny that he is extremely loyal."

Uther then looked at the empty chair where Morgana usually sat. He looked at Arthur, face completely drained of his momentary amusement from seconds ago, "Where is Morgana?"

Arthur shrugged, "Brushing her hair?"

"I can't help but notice this is also the second meeting she has missed," Uther said, thoughtfully. "Just like your manservant."

"One is an idiot" Arthur explained indifferently, "The other is preoccupied with her looks. She's probably still trying to decide what dress she's going to wear."

Uther sat with his fingers covering her mouth, thinking. He pointed to Gwen who had been lingering behind as she was making her way out of the hall.

"You, girl!" he called.

Arthur watched as Gwen walked dutifully towards the king and lowered her head in a bow.

"Where is your mistress?" the king asked.

Gwen looked up, "When I left her she said she would be down momentarily."

"Hardly momentarily," Uther stated. "Was she in any rush to be down here, or was she… waiting for someone?"

Gwen didn't want to say anything that would land Morgana in trouble, but on the face of it there seemed to be nothing to hide.

"She did say…" she explained, glancing momentarily at Arthur. "She did say that she was waiting for Merlin to bring her some willow bark and another sleeping draft."

Uther considered this in his head; as he did so Arthur and Gwen glanced at each other and then at him, wondering what he was thinking.

He nodded and dismissed Gwen, "Tell your mistress that her presence is no longer required and she needn't come down. The speech is over."

Gwen nodded and moved the retreat, backing towards the door.

"And," he added, "If you should see Prince Arthur's young manservant tell him that he should do his best to avoid me for the next few days. He doesn't want to get on the wrong side of me."

The maid nodded, took one last lingering look at Arthur, and dashed off before any more could be said.

Uther addressed Arthur without looking at him, "You can pass on that message too. An idiot like him will probably need to hear it twice."

The king swept off toward the backdoor, followed by some of his waiting 'admirers' of the court.

Arthur sighed. He then remembered the letter. He needed to have it delivered by tonight; otherwise she would not get it before May Day. He turned and rushed out the door Gwen had gone through. He saw her walking up the corridor.

"Gwen" he called.

Gwen stopped in her tracks and turned slowly, looking slightly dazed and doe eyed. He came up to her with a straight face. He spoke in that rich, nasal voice of a royal prince. It was slightly more soothing than normal. The same voice as the letter-writer, the voice Gwen heard in her head as she read them.

"Yes, highness?" she said, lowering her head.

He stood in front of her and motioned his hand for her to raise her head.

"Gwen, if you should see him before I do, can you tell Merlin to come straight to my chambers. I have something I want him to deliver for me. He'll understand. Okay?"

She nodded, "Yes, sire."

Gwen turned and walked blankly away.

Something to for him to deliver, she wondered.

Her ears were burning, and she wondered if maybe that letter she had written, the last letter, may truly be the last. The thought made her feel suddenly nauseous and dizzy. The thought was truly painful…

Arthur watched her go, and wondered where Merlin had been. If he'd managed to get to the meeting then he could have delivered that letter already. The girl, the letter writer, his sweetheart could have already had the letter safely in her hands.

Merlin said he knew her, Arthur thought. Why did he keep this secret from me? Maybe he only just found out himself. He said it was one of his friends.

Trouble was that Arthur didn't know many of Merlin's friends. He'd never really thought about it. The only female friend he knew Merlin had is his little girlfriend, Gwen herself. Of course, Merlin always denied outright that they were anything more than friends.

At that moment a strange thought entered Arthur's head. It was an option he had never considered before, possibly because his ego didn't cover it. It was just a brief flicker of enlightenment…

"Guinevere!"

The sound of her own name pierced right through her. He might as well run her through with his sword. She turned swiftly, "Yes, sire?"

There was a short pause.

Arthur turned away and murmured under his breath, "No, never mind."

-

Gwen wandered towards Morgana's room in a small run. She was desperate to get away from that small moment in the corridor lest she'd end up daydreaming. Her heart felt as if it might be failing, her stomach was turning and her breath was quick. Her mind was boiling over with all kinds of thoughts.

How could she ever find it in herself to tell Arthur the truth?

The truth was that she couldn't.

Every time she saw him, she felt like speaking to him the way she had in her letters, forgetting completely that he was the prince and she was a serving girl.

There were wives that called their husband 'sire' but they were normally the arranged marriages, the one Arthur was probably expecting one day. It was not the way two people who were supposed to love each other should speak to each other.

She tried to fix herself before entering Morgana's chambers; she didn't want to worry her twice in one day. Besides, it was the Eve of May. It was a time to be happy. Tomorrow was May Day, and she always went a-maying with the other servants.

She tried the door; it was locked. She knocked, "Milady, are you okay?"

The door opened straight away. Morgana opened it and smiled. "Sorry about that. I wanted privacy from the guard."

"Sorry it took so long to get back, milady," Gwen said as she walked into the room forcing a smile. "The meeting overran…"

As she walked in she saw Merlin leap up from the couch. He stood awkwardly, wondering if he should explain when Morgana stepped in.

"That's fine, Gwen," she said. "Merlin came to bring my sleeping draft, we got to talking and I'm afraid I kept him longer than I should have."

Gwen stared at him. What had he been doing with Morgana in a locked room? Merlin awkwardly avoided her eyes; that could only mean that he had read the letter. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her own awkwardness bubbled back to the service.

Morgana was swift to take control once again.

"Merlin," she said smiling. "It was nice talking to you."

He nodded and forced a smile of his own, "Yes, it was really nice."

There was a short pause as the two of them regarded each other. Gwen didn't really see what it was but there was an odd 'understanding' that passed between them. Finally Merlin turned to leave.

"I'll be – off, then. Bye!"

He hurried passed Gwen. She called after him, "Arthur wants you to go straight to his chambers. He wants you to deliver something for him."

Merlin stopped in the doorway, without turning. "Thanks."

After he left, Morgana sat back down in her chair and picked up a cup of wine. "Did I miss anything interesting?"

Gwen was in another daze, "Sorry, milady?"

"The meeting," Morgana explained. "Did I miss anything interesting?"

"Oh," she said, "No, not really, only the announcement that Prince Gawain of Orkney is arriving this evening to stay here for the May Day celebrations."

Morgana walked over to her new mirror and sat down. "Yes, Uther told me the other night he was coming. As a matter of fact Arthur, a couple of select nobles and I are due to dine with him upon arrival."

Gwen smiled, and went over to brush Morgana's hair. As she did she looked out of the window. For some reason, she imagined seeing Arthur down there in the courtyard like she had so many times before. She imagined him on horse back, like in her dream a few nights ago. He looked so handsome, in her thoughts and reality.

Morgana chuckled, "He is _very_ handsome."

"Yes," Gwen said dreamily. "I suppose he is."

-

Merlin walked into Arthur's room. As soon as he heard the door close, Arthur stormed up to Merlin. His eyes were big and glaring, the typical drunken husband wife face. And it got worse. Not only was he ready to insult him; he was ready to yell at him too.

"What the hell happened to you earlier?" Arthur snapped.

"Oh, is this about the meeting?" Merlin said, trying to sound stupid. It wasn't very difficult. "Yes, I heard about it and I was going to come, but then suddenly… I didn't."

Arthur managed to calm down, "Fine, Merlin. I know you don't have a good excuse so I won't force you to come up with a bad one."

"Thank you, sire."

Arthur rolled his eyes; it had been a frustrating day so far. "Just don't do it next year; my father is _this close_ to not only locking you in the stocks for the entire course of the May celebrations but stringing you up by your thumbs."

Merlin nodded absently, "Thank you for the warning, sire."

Arthur fell into his chair and straight away picked up the letter. Merlin eyed it from the corner of his eye. The prince ran his fingers over the words he had written and held it to his lips, thinking, as if whispering his thoughts to her through the page. He then handed the sealed letter to Merlin.

"Will you deliver this to the girl?" he asked. "There seems no point in leaving it in the alcove if you know who she is."

Merlin nodded, "I suppose so."

The prince stood for a while, holding out the letter for Merlin to take. "Go on, Merlin, get it to her."

"I'll only take it if you promise me something."

Merlin put his hands behind his back to show he was serious. Arthur stared at him, surprised. Not many servants demanded a promise from their royal highness, the prince. Then again Merlin had never cared much for decorum when it came to princes; it was how they met.

Merlin was quite unique; the only other servant who had ever stood up to him was Gwen.

"Promise you something?" Arthur finally said.

Merlin just stared at him in silence. He wanted to pick his words carefully. "The other man asked me to make you promise."

The prince stared at him, "The _other_ man? Who is he, and who is he to make me promise anything!?"

Merlin went white, "He wishes to remain… anonymous."

Arthur sighed, "What do I have to promise?"

"I want you to promise me," Merlin said seriously, "that you aren't just leading my friend along, that you really do love her. I want you to promise that you will still love her when she finally gets the courage to tell you who she is, no matter what. I want you to promise that you'll" he stopped, trying to think of the right words. "Promise that you will love her more than him."

The answer came without a moment of hesitation, "I promise."

"Seriously, you do?"

"Of course I do," the prince said, staring at him. "I love her."

Arthur stopped suddenly. He fidgeted uncomfortably, as if saying such words was a threat to his masculinity, or at least confiding in Merlin was.

He finally went on, "I don't know how it can be since I don't know who she is but… I feel as if I already know her." He looked at Merlin, "You can tell your 'friend' that Arthur Pendragon swears on the kingdom of Camelot that it is so."

Merlin looked at Arthur's face, making sure that the sincerity in his eyes was genuine and not just a prince trying to get what he wants. Merlin was convinced that Arthur truly was in love.

The way he spoke was unlike anything he has ever heard from his master before. It was a good side of Arthur that had come to the surface, and Merlin hoped it would stay. What made it better was that it was Gwen bringing the good out in him.

In that moment, however, he realised that he might well be bringing together his master and his friend; _the prince and the handmaiden_.

Merlin did love Gwen, in his own way. He couldn't explain what his way was but, had Arthur not been able to promise, his way _might_ have been enough. But looking at Arthur he could tell that his love was strongest.

Merlin smiled, "Then I'll take the letter to her."

Arthur nodded and handed him the letter. The manservant turned to deliver it straight away. As he went out the door, Arthur called to him.

"Merlin, two things before you go. Firstly, could you prepare the room three doors down; that is where Prince Gawain will be staying—"

"Who is Prince Gawain?"

"If you had been to the meeting you'd know that."

"Sorry. I'll get to it as soon as I get back."

"And Merlin…"

"Yes?"

Arthur paused and managed to smile, "I just wanted to say… I don't hold it against you."

Merlin didn't know what he meant at first. Then it suddenly clicked. He awkwardly looked away and murmured a thank you before fleeing the door.

It was strange. Everything went over Arthur's head; his magic, who the girl was, everything! But that he manages to work out…

Maybe there was a brain in there after all.

-

Uther held an informal reception for the young Orkney prince when he arrived in the late evening light. He had not seen the young prince since he was sixteen years old when King Lot had visited Camelot to renew a peace treaty between them. The king had brought his sons and wife to visit also.

They were family, after all.

It was, after all, through the queen that Arthur was related – Queen Anna of Orkney being Queen Igraine of Camelot's younger sister – which, in a way, Uther acknowledged, made Gawain a legitimate claim to the throne of Camelot should something unthinkable happen to Arthur and himself.

This was why Uther wished to greet the young prince both warmly and cautiously.

All he had ever heard about the young prince was from rumours. He was a year or so younger than Arthur, said to be tall, fair, handsome, noble and various other redeeming qualities, right down to his skills as a warrior. Although, Gawain himself conceded, he was not as talented as 'The Great Arthur'.

Uther, Arthur and Morgana, along with the few select nobles, waited eagerly as the escorts of Orkney ushered themselves into the throne room before the prince himself appeared. He was everything that the stories had said; tall, fair and handsome. He looked mature for a young man of twenty.

He bowed his head to Uther who stood from his throne and went to greet him with a smile.

"Your majesty," Gawain said kneeling respectfully to the king. "My father has sent me as an ambassador for the people of Orkney. I'm honoured to be a guest at your court."

Uther put his hands on his shoulders and raised him up, "Please, nephew, no need to prostrate yourself on ceremony. We are still family."

Gawain smiled, "Thank you, uncle."

Uther wanted to make the young man welcome; he had come from a long way. Moreover, family or not, a long way wasn't too far for Lot's armies should he feel obliged to send them to Camelot. Family or not, Lot had never been an especially good-tempered brother-in-law or king. When Uther had told Arthur this the look on his face seemed to ask 'Then why don't you talk more often?'

"How is your father?" the king asked.

"Well, he sends you all his greetings," Gawain replied.

"And how is your mother?"

"Still has her looks," the young man replied. "She vowed last year never to have any more children."

Uther stopped and stared at him; Anna had to be forty-six if she was a day, so he couldn't blame her. "How old is the youngest now, err, Gareth, wasn't it?"

"He's seven now and already wants to be a knight."

"Well, when he reaches sixteen send him our way. And how is the rest of the family?"

Gawain threw his head back and laughed, "Where do I start? Agravain is sixteen now, and wishes to travel here to join the Knights of Camelot. Father is naturally unwilling to send him away to serve – he is 'the spare' after all. If it wasn't for the fact that I am heir to Orkney I would have come here _years_ ago."

Uther smiled, uncertain whether Gawain was just flattering him or was being honest.

"Gaheris is nearly thirteen, and I have taken him as my squire. My sisters simply dote on him" Gawain went on. "Elaine, Clarissant and Norcadet have all inherited the De Bois looks, especially Elaine."

"It must be very busy in your palace," Morgana said, grinning.

"And expensive" Gawain replied with a chuckle. Like a gentleman, he kissed Morgana's hand and gave her his finest smile, "Morgana, it is so good to see you again; stories had reached our tiny court of your strength of will as well as your beauty. It seems both are true."

"Well," Morgana said, glancing at Arthur, "it's nice to know _someone_ acknowledges my strength of will."

Arthur rolled his eyes. Gawain noticed, "I find it a virtue in a woman to have a strong mind." He then turned to Arthur, "It is good to see you again."

"It has been – _more_ than a while," Arthur replied.

The two looked at each other before laughing and embracing like cousins should. Gawain laughed again, "It _is_ good to see you, cousin."

"And you," Arthur replied. "What has it been – four years?"

"Nearly five," Gawain said, his tone changing to a more nostalgic one. "Indeed, half a decade had passed since then. You'd never think we were cousins."

As Uther watched the scene between his son and his nephew he couldn't help thinking there was a certain degree of unfairness in the dynamics of the House of Orkney. Igraine had been infertile, only able to conceive through magic, and had died giving birth to her only child because of magic. Anna had mothered many children for King Lot, and was still producing them well into her forties. It was a wonder that little Gareth existed.

"Gawain" Uther said, finally interrupting. "How would you like to take part in the May Day games during your stay? Your father wishes you to avoid swordfights while you are away from home but I understand you are also good at jousting."

"If your majesty will allow me," Gawain said. "I would be honoured to take part. I will all accept any challenges from any of the other knights, should they like to face me." He looked at Morgana, "I always like a challenge."

"Maybe I'll challenge you," Morgana suggested.

"I don't think I'd subject myself to that again," Gawain replied. He elbowed Arthur, "She beat me last time, _both of us_."

Arthur turned, "She did not beat me! I tripped over the cobbles and she—"

"Five years later and he's still sore!" Morgana teased.

"There is no shame in it, Arthur" Gawain replied. "I used to get touchy when my sister Elaine used to beat me too."

-

Later that evening Gwen opened the door and found Merlin standing there. He looked so completely earnest, even for him. She had been dreading his visit all day. Part of her knew what he was coming to tell her, but there was still a part of her that tried to forget the embarrassing situation they had found themselves in.

"Hi" he whispered. "Can I talk to you?"

Gwen nodded and stepped outside, closing the door behind her to keep the conversation secret from her father.

"Right—" he began.

"Wait!" Gwen interrupted. "I'm sorry, but, I think I know what you're going to say. And just before you begin; I'm fine, I promise."

Merlin nodded, "Well, the thing is this. Gwen, I've been thinking a lot about what that letter you sent me. I want you to know that I really, really like you but—" he paused. "Even though, in a mirror, we look rather nice next to each other, I don't think I can offer anything good enough to warrant your love."

Gwen looked down and forced a smile; she knew it was coming, and even though she had already concluded she was now in love with Arthur she still loved Merlin, and it still stung.

"Plus," he went on, back against a wooden pillar near by. "There are so many things you don't know about me. I think the reason you liked me is because you think I'm… more ordinary than I really am, if you know what I mean."

Gwen nodded, "I suppose so."

"But," he said jumping up and smiling, "for what it's worth – you're the first girl to ever tell me she likes me."

Her face lit up, "R-really?"

He nodded.

"I'm surprised," she replied.

"Really?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Gwen said chuckling self-consciously. "You're really funny and nice and… easy on the eyes. That's why I liked you."

"I'm flattered," Merlin replied with his simple smile. "And also, for what it's worth, you're the first girl ever to kiss me. I'll never forget that."

Gwen covered her mouth, hiding her chuckles; "I was just so worried about you…"

"I'm dead flattered" he said chuckling. Then he cleared his throat awkwardly, "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that and to make sure we are still best of friends…"

Gwen nodded and smiled, "Of course we're still friends. Really, I'm fine."

Merlin was clearly unconvinced. He leant forward and placed a chaste kiss on Gwen's cheek. As he did, she closed her eyes and smiled with warmth. She had desperately wanted this sort of contact from him for so long. The smell of flower petals, cotton and old books lingered in her nose. Yet at the same time there was nothing romantic about the kiss; it was the kiss of a friend. For a brief moment she wondered if she'd ever kiss the man she loved now. She doubted it.

As he pulled away they both smiled. Merlin then reached into his pocket and handed her a letter, "Here you are. Arthur told me to get it straight to you."

She looked at him, "You didn't tell him that—"

"No, no, no. He doesn't know it's you, but he does know I _know_ you."

Gwen sighed, "It could be worse. This'll probably be the last letter I'll ever read from him."

Merlin grinned, "I bet it isn't."

She looked at him with earnest eyes, hoping he was right.

"You better get home," Gwen said. "Gaius will be wondering where you are."

"He probably will," the young man replied. "I'll see you bright and early tomorrow for the May Day picnic."

* * *


	6. Part 6

* * *

Merlin opened his eyes.

It was morning. From outside his window he could already hear excited voices lofting in from the yard below him. The entire court had awakened to the first of May. He couldn't help but grin as people excitedly ran about carrying flowers and instruments. He was surprised at how excited _he_ was about today.

It was an actual day off, for one thing.

He quickly got dressed and rushed out into the main room where Gaius already had breakfast on the table. It was simple bread and cheese but it would do. He picked it up and ate it by the window. From where he stood he saw some of the servants already gathering in the courtyard. There were loud howls of laughter coming from below.

Gregory looked up and saw Merlin. He waved, "Hey Merlin get down here – we'll be off soon!"

"Be down in two minutes" he shouted.

Gaius rolled his eyes and groaned, "Good God, _it's started_."

Merlin turned to look at him, "What has started?"

"May," he grumbled. "Everyone your age goes _mad_ on May Day."

"What'd you mean?" the young man asked, chuckling. "It's a holiday."

"A holiday where everyone between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five run around like animals on heat" Gaius said plainly.

Merlin nearly chocked on his bread, "That was pretty frank. I mean you must have been young… once upon a time."

Gaius looked at him, eyebrows raised, "Once upon a time?"

"I didn't mean it to sound nasty," Merlin said. "I just meant that it was a very, very long time ago, wasn't it?"

Gaius looked at him. "The celebration of May Day was nothing like today. It was a serious holiday where people prayed for good harvests. It was back in the days when, where I came from, the druids were in influence, before Uther put them down."

"Then why do we celebrate May Day?" Merlin said. "I thought Uther hated everything to do with the old ways."

"It's a good excuse for a knees up, that's why" Gaius replied frankly, letting a snigger go by.

Merlin laughed and began to pack a blanket for the picnic that afternoon.

"Truth is I'm too old to appreciate May anymore," the old man said. He waved his hand to shoo Merlin off, "Go on and enjoy the day. Run around like a headless chicken, kiss complete strangers and wake up in a trough with your neckerchief tied around your head singing a song terribly out of tune, like you always do when out on the town."

Merlin stopped still, "That was _one time_!"

"Well now you have an excuse to do it," Gaius replied. "Now off with you."

Merlin chuckled again. Even if Gaius didn't appreciate May Day any more it certainly raised his sense of humour. He packed what he needed and made his way towards the door; it was strange but Gaius was right. He _did_ have the desire to run around like a headless chicken.

"I wouldn't dare stay a minute longer!" he said, stuffing his cheese in his mouth. "See you tonight at the party."

"Have you sorted out your mask?" Gaius asked before Merlin disappeared out the door. "Everyone wears a mask, even me."

"I think Gwen is lending me something—you? You have to wear a mask?" Merlin said in surprise. "What is it?"

Gaius rolled his eyes and shooed him off again, "You'll find out later now go, go, I have things to do and you'll get under my feet."

"What do you have to do on May Day?"

"Goodbye, Merlin" the old man finished.

"Alright, alright, I'm going!"

As soon as the door closed Gaius's face became serious. He picked up a note he had been concealing in one of his medical books. Uther had sent it the other day, asking to see him. It was never good news when you received a letter like that from the king. It always meant trouble, and Gaius had an awful feeling that it had Merlin written all over it.

-

Morgana watched from her window as servants gathered in the courtyard. It was May Day and that meant that Gwen had the day off to go a-maying with the other servants before the masked ball that night. Morgana liked to watch the freedom the servants had on that one day. It seemed it was the only freedom they had was that one morning and early afternoon, and for that reason they relished in it.

She saw Merlin run out into the courtyard, greeted by some of the other servants. She turned away from the window to look at the other ladies of the court getting ready in her room. Every year they also went a-maying also.

The women were helping each other with their hair and clothing. The jobs usually done by their servants were carried out by their friends. All of them were dressed modestly in light green, yellow and white dresses with garlands of flowers in their hair.

Morgana put her own garland of flowers and looked at herself in the mirror. It was nice to look natural. When she was younger she had always been the May Queen and had loved the flower crown.

"You look beautiful, Morgana" said one lady.

"She always looks beautiful," said another.

Once lady called Celia looked out the window to see the knights and young nobleman gather in the courtyard. They were also dressed in casual wear, fit for rolling around in the glass in. Then out came Arthur, dressed in his better attire suggesting that he wasn't going to the celebrations, and Gawain, the young visitor from Orkney, also dressed in his casual wear.

Celia giggled and called the others over, "Everyone, it's Gawain!"

The young ladies rushed to the windows to look. Morgana laughed as they did; Gawain always had that effect on girls from the moment he reached adolescences. Now he was teetering on adulthood it was becoming more apparent. The girls giggled insanely, opening the windows to peer out. Morgana came to one of the windows too. They waved and called out to him:

"Good morning, Gawain!" two said in chorus.

Gawain, Arthur, several of the knights, and even the servants looked up. Arthur rolled his eyes, the servants laughed, and the knights nudged Gawain.

"You're already making a good impression," Sir Kay said to him.

Gawain waved in his genteel manner to them all and smiled, "Good morning, ladies."

"Are coming a-maying with us, Gawain?" asked Lady Celia.

"Of course I am," he assured her. "I wouldn't miss it."

Arthur put his hands on his hips and scowled. The women in the court like that annoyed him. One of the most appealing things about the letter writer is that she didn't shower him with praises. Gawain on the other hand was a lady's man. The women loved him and he loved the women; his good nature drew them to him, and he was fighting them away like bees around honey.

Being princes Arthur and Gawain didn't have to try to gain the attention of beautiful women. The difference was that Arthur no longer relished in it – maybe Gawain would be the same when he finally fell in love.

Merlin appeared in the courtyard to meet with the other servants and looked up at Morgana and the other noblewomen leaning out the windows, talking to Gawain. He couldn't help stare a little, as he always did when he saw pretty girls, before bumping into Gregory who was loading a cart with some basic instruments. Gwen had said there would be a song and dance.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Prince Gawain," Gregory replied. "God that man is like God's gift to women. You had to sort him out didn't you, being Arthur's servant – and I'm still sorry about that, by the way, no one deserves him as a master – what's he like?"

Merlin shrugged, "He's alright. Very polite, friendly, and he didn't order me around. He's a nice guy. You're right; the girls can't keep their eyes off him."

"Is he anything like Arthur?"

"Why'd you say that?"

"They're cousins."

"Are they?" Merlin said, surprised Arthur hadn't mentioned it. Then again if he'd been at the meeting he might have known. "Now that you mention it they do look alike. I'd say Gawain is what Arthur would be like if he were a gentleman."

Gregory laughed, "Come on – we're going out into the fields to set up day. Are you coming?"

"I'll be with you in a minute," he said making his way out of the courtyard. "I have to get Gwen."

"Tell her to remember the sandwiches for the picnic," he called after him. "Last time she forgot them and we ended up drinking all afternoon."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, "Is that a bad thing?"

"It is for you!" one other servant called. "Let's not remind ourselves what you were like at the knighting ceremony of Sir Percival."

As Merlin disappeared out of the courtyard, Arthur watched and wondered whether the letter writer was among the servants fussing around before him. They loaded up the cart and made their way off to the outer city, where they normally had a song and dance before the picnic.

Arthur had never really been one for May Day; the servants always seemed to get more out of it than he did. On the other hand there was little difference between what the servants did and what the nobility did on May Day. Both of them had a song and dance, both of them had a picnic, and both of them spent the morning chasing the girls around while they gathered flowers for garlands.

"I'm going to talk to my father" Arthur said to Gawain, who wasn't especially listening, and disappeared inside the castle again.

From her window Morgana watched him and sighed. It seemed that Arthur just couldn't get into the spirit of things this year, he never could. He'd always join the party after the fun was over and everyone has settled down to eat. This year was different though. It wasn't that he was being awkward; he was distracted.

Morgana came away from the window. "Come on, ladies. It's time we were off. If we don't collect those flowers…" she paused and laughed, "Doesn't make much of a difference. But it is tradition."

Two of the ladies turned to talk to each other:

"My brother has already challenged him to a joust."

"He hasn't?"

"He has," the girl replied. "Do you suppose Arthur will challenge him?"

"Oh, I'd like to see that!"

"What a treat for the eyes!"

"Come on" Morgana called to them. "We can all stare at the knights later – if they can catch us, that is!"

They all burst out into laughter and filed out of the room, chattering away about the day and the masked ball that evening.

-

Gaius had been called the throne room to meet with Uther. He couldn't imagine why on the morning of May Day Uther should desire an audience with him. He had a horrible feeling it had something to do with Merlin. He knew it couldn't be that he'd found out about Merlin's magic; he'd only just left Merlin, who seemed to have a spring in his step brought on by more than the excitement of May Day.

Yet it was all too like the recurring nightmare Gaius would have during times of magical crisis.

In his nightmares Uther always called Gaius to his presence to tell him that he had arrested Merlin and was sentencing to death. Not be beheading, as most men accused of magic were, but by burning. That was the worst death any sorcerer could be condemned to. The thought of Merlin dying such a painful and drawn out death made him feel sick with fear, and he knew that he'd do anything to prevent it.

He'd even take the blame for the magic himself.

He walked into the throne room where many of the palace servants had only the previous night been rushing about trying to put up the decorations, rearrange the tables and hang the drapes before May Day. They had done a brilliant job. Now, as tradition stood, they have been given the morning and afternoon off to go a-maying with the young nobles and ladies.

At the other of the hall end talking to some other courtiers was Uther.

Gaius walked towards him a bowed, Uther turned and smiled. "Gaius, thank you for coming so quickly; I'm sorry to have called you away from your work. I know how busy are."

"It is no trouble, sire," Gaius replied.

Uther presented the room to him and smiled, "What do you think. I say this every year but the May Day decorations get better every year, wouldn't you agree?"

"Indeed, sire."

"I enjoy the May Day morning and afternoon; no young people in the castle until evening," the king said, walking towards the window. Outside he could see two young servants walking towards the fields outside the castle, arm in arm, laughing as they went. "It seems everyone on the verge of adulthood goes mad on the first of May."

"It's their mating season, sire" said one of the nobles.

There was a short pompous wave of sniggering before Uther turned back to Gaius. He drew him aside, away from the old nobles, and spoke quietly, "I'd like to speak to you about your dogsbody."

"Merlin," the old man said. He knew it would be about Merlin.

"Indeed," the king replied. "I assume he went a-maying with the others?"

"He left as I was leaving."

"Remind me, where does he come from?"

"From the village of Ealdor, sire," he replied.

"A respectable village, I assume?"

"Indeed, sire."

Uther thought, "Ealdor… I seem to recall that was the village you came from, wasn't it?"

"My father lived there for a time, yes," Gaius explained. "It was Merlin's mother who sent him to me to complete his education."

Uther nodded, he was clearly leading up to something and Gaius dreaded to think what it was. "Tell me Gaius; was the boy aware of the meeting yesterday?"

That confused him. Gaius spoke, "I told him to make his way there as soon as he finished delivering his rounds…"

"His rounds to the Lady Morgana," Uther finished.

"Yes," Gaius said. "Forgive me, sire…"

"I understand you're confused," the king replied. "You see my son's young manservant failed to turn up to the meeting, _again_."

Gaius rolled his eyes, "I do apologise, sire. He hit his head last time but I cannot account for why he failed to turn up this time, although I'm sure he had his reason; his workload his very high at the moment no thanks to me."

"Come now, Gaius" Uther replied, just managing to smile, "you don't have to make excuses for that boy. He has his head in the clouds. I will not lie to you, Gaius, when I say that one of the only reasons I allow Arthur to keep him is because he has grown so fond of him."

"I understand, sire" Gaius said. I'm going to ring his neck when I get home, he thought.

"Hit his head, you say?" Uther said, not all that surprised if he had.

"Yes, sire," Gaius replied. "Apparently he fell over and he landed on his head, or at least that's what he and Morgana said…"

This caught the king's attention; he couldn't help smirking, "He was with Morgana when he hit his head?"

Gaius paused, and decided to play it down, "I don't know, sire."

Uther looked at him for a moment, thinking.

At that moment Arthur wandered into the throne room. Gaius was pleased to see him; it might distract Uther from his thoughts. And it did.

"Arthur, what are you doing here still?"

"I didn't feel like going on the picnic" he replied.

"And who will be chaperoning Morgana while you're here?"

Arthur couldn't help laughing, "She doesn't need a chaperon, father. If any man tried something she'd have his—"

"Nonetheless," Uther butted in, "this picnic is tradition for the young people of the court, and the young servants. Even your manservant is out there and God have mercy on us all if he comes back tipsy…"

"Father, I just—"

"It is also tradition for us older people to find peace and quiet and rest while the youngsters are out of the court," the king finished. "I'm not asking you to chase the girls around or gather flowers or even eat anything on the picnic. I just think you should enjoy your last years of freedom."

"What do you mean 'my last years of freedom'?" Arthur queried.

"You are of age, Arthur" Uther replied. "The time will soon come for you to… carry out the last task that, as crown prince, you are expected to fulfil."

Arthur glanced at Gaius before looking at his father; have an heir, was what he meant. Truth was that he hadn't even thought about marriage. He was too tried up in his secret love letters to his secret sweetheart to think about who he would marry or when it would occur. He wasn't interested in marriage. He knew it was his duty, but he didn't want to think about it. There was a very good chance that his sweetheart, the woman who wrote the letters, was not the sort of woman his father would… approve of.

In short, she was mistress material. Not wife.

Arthur didn't say anything, though. He couldn't very well question his duty, especially since he'd never thought to before. He swallowed and nodded, "I understand, father."

Uther nodded, "Good. Now go and enjoy yourself. If I could go back in time to when I was twenty-one, I'd be out there right now enjoying myself. Tragically not only am I not twenty-one but I am king. You never find time for trivial pleasures when you are king, and one day it will be you."

"Yes, father" Arthur said. He was only half listening; the day was so lazy, and all he could think about was her and whether she would meet him.

After Arthur left the throne room Uther leant over to Gaius and whispered, "He's been acting very oddly lately."

"Oddly, sire?"

"Yes" Uther said curiously. "That boy hasn't mentioned anything about Arthur, has he?"

Gaius shook his head. Then he remembered what Merlin had told him nearly two weeks ago, that Arthur had a sweetheart. Maybe that was what was distracting him. It wasn't his place to say, though, so he kept shaking his head. "I'm afraid not, sire."

The king thought for a moment longer. Finally he smiled and patted Gaius on the shoulder, "Thank you for your time, Gaius. I'll let you get back to enjoying your time off without having to look after that foolish boy. Please be sure to remind young Merlin to keep his head out of the clouds. He'll be less likely to lose it that way."

"I'll be sure to remind him, sire."

-

Gwen sat reading the letter over and over again. '_I must confess—that I am in love with you.' _She had not got a wink of sleep, and instead just lay in bed under the covers thinking of the words. Part of her wondered what she had got herself into—what had she got herself into? He was a prince, and royal prince of Camelot and she was a serving girl. Her mind told her that the whole thing was madness, that as soon as he realised it was her he'd reject her in the lofty was she'd always expected Arthur to.

But the man himself was different.

She read the words over and over and over in her head:

'_The only thing that seems to make it impossible is your constant belief that it cannot be possible…'_

Was that true?

Could there be a possibility for them if she would believe it for long enough? Gwen kept telling herself that the letters were nothing but the stuff of fantasy. It was the fantasy every girl had – the dream that a prince would sweep them off their feet, carry them off to their castle and they'd live happily ever after. Gwen was a realist.

_What more can I do to explain on paper how much I love you despite having never seen your face. The answer is nothing._

The letters had limits. It wasn't possible to fall in love with someone over what they write, was it? Or was it? In letters, in writing in general, you could bare your soul to someone in a way you just couldn't in spoken words.

"Father" Gwen called.

"Hmm"

"Did you ever write love letters to mother when you first knew her?"

Tom looked around the corner to see his daughter sitting on her bed. "Why'd you ask me that of all things on May Day?"

"I'm just curious."

He laughed, "Well, in that case, yes I did. Not very good ones mind but I did. Then again, of course, she couldn't read or write very well."

"Couldn't she?"

"No, she was a labourer's daughter," he explained. "Her father never educated her, not like I did with you. There wasn't enough money to by books for them, you see."

Gwen turned and looked at him, "I knew she was—lower than you—in status. I didn't realise she was that low."

"Your mother died so young, Gwen" he replied. "I just never saw the need to tell you about it. Besides, you never asked."

"I never thought about it until now" she said under her breath. "Why did you marry her?"

Tom looked at her as if she was daft, "The same reason any man should marry a woman—because I loved her."

"Even though she had nothing to offer you," Gwen said.

"Not a penny to her name," Tom replied. "But that didn't matter to me. My father, your grandfather, he wasn't half furious when I came to him and said I wanted to marry her, waving hot irons at me. 'Blacksmith's sons don't marry peasants' he said."

"How did you convince him?"

"I didn't," Tom replied. "He died. There was a plague going around at the time and he got it, poor old git."

Gwen smiled. "It never occurred to me that there was status in the lower class, but there is, isn't there?"

"Well," he shrugged, "You and I aren't rich but we do alright, don't we? I always made sure we didn't starve and that you could read and write, didn't I?"

Gwen smiled, "Yes, you did."

"Now, why are you asking me about love letters?" Tom asked, changing the subject slightly. "Have you got a sweetheart or something?"

Gwen blushed and, unable to stop herself, began to giggle.

"You have, haven't you?" he said teasingly. "Who is it? Let me guess… oh, no! It's _him_ isn't it?"

"And who would 'him' be?"

"That lad with the ears," Tom said, gesturing towards his own ears, "The dark haired one with the daft grin. Nice lad, bit odd."

She shook her head, "Dad, leave him alone. His ears are lovely and he has a charming smile."

"Well, he has my blessing" her father replied. "He has a promising future ahead of him as dogsbody to Gaius and servant to Prince Arthur. I want you to have a man who will look after you when I'm gone."

There was a knock at the door. Tom glanced out the window and laughed, "Oh, here he is the blue-eyed boy-wonder now. Come to ask me for a dowry, has he?"

"Dad, stop it!"

Gwen quickly slipped her shoes on and stood in front of the polished brass that was her mirror. She quickly clipped her flowers into her hair before crowning her head with a white flower halo. Satisfied that her appearance was befitting of a May Day maiden, she rushed to the door and opened it.

Merlin stood there, back to her while he had been waiting. He turned as soon as the door opened.

"Hi," she said, smiling.

"Wow" he said staring at her with a smile. "You look beautiful."

Gwen blushed for the second time that morning. "Thank you."

It was nice. There was something different about the way Merlin was today, as opposed to yesterday. It was yesterday that he had 'rejected' her. It had hurt despite her new realised love for Arthur. Today she looked at him with fresh eyes. Their friendship could start anew.

Tom appeared behind her at the door, "Good morning, Merlin."

"Good morning," he replied. He turned to Gwen, "Shall we go?"

"Okay," Gwen said stepping out the door. "See you tonight, dad!"

"Wait!" Merlin suddenly said. "Gregory wanted me to remind you about something…"

"Oh!" Gwen realised, "The sandwiches!"

"See," Merlin said following her back into the house. "You don't even need me!"

Gwen chuckled, lugging a basket filled to the top with her sandwiches, made by her own hand. Merlin politely took the basket and smelt it.

"Smells yummy," he said smiling as they made their way off. "What are they?"

"Fifteen are pigeon," she replied. "And fifteen are cheese; though I'd say there is more bread than cheese."

Merlin smiled, "That'll do me. If anyone else complains I'll swing for them."

"I'm not the best cook in the world" Gwen said as they made their way to the doors of the city, "but Morgana never complains and dad appreciates my sandwiches."

Merlin thought for a moment and smiled.

Gwen titled her head, "What is it?"

"Oh, nothing, it's just I can just imagine Arthur going off to war. He'll come to say goodbye and you'll give him a sandwich for the journey."

"Merlin!" she snapped. "I don't want people to know—"

Merlin stopped and looked at her, "Is there _something_ to know?"

Gwen stopped too. There was a short pause before she turned to Merlin and said: "I'm going to meet him tonight."

The young man's eyes widened, "Seriously?"

She nodded, "He asked me to meet him by the secret alcove tonight. If I don't go then he'll take it that…"

"That you don't love him?" Merlin finished.

She nodded.

"Are you defiantly going then?"

"Yeah," she said clearing her throat. "I mean, yes. I am going. At first I wasn't sure I would but then…"

"Then…?"

"Then I read is letter and I realised that," she said trying to think of the right words. "I realised that the man who wrote these letters was a man, not a prince. When I wrote that letter to him, knowing it was him, I wrote it to the prince."

"Only natural" he agreed.

"Then my father told me a story about my mother," she told him. "And I thought; 'Maybe it is possible for love to exist between two people who ordinarily wouldn't be together' so I decided then…"

She trailed off.

"Decided what?" Merlin asked.

"That it was time I faced my feelings," she said. "I mean I've been running away from them for too long. I ran away from my feelings for you—" She noticed Merlin look a little uncomfortable. "I need to stop running away from them."

Merlin nodded awkwardly, "Yeah, that's the thing to do."

Gwen looked at him as they made their way up a hill towards where the other servants said they were setting up. "You don't mind my telling you think, do you?"

"No" he replied. "What are friends for if not to talk to?"

She smiled, "Thank you."

"Thank you for what?"

"For just being Merlin," she replied. "I'm glad my friend is you."

They both broke into smiles and linked arms, trekking up the hill with the basket swinging between Merlin's fingers. Finally getting to the top they looked down at the small crowd excitedly setting up the small band, and laying down the blankets. The girls hung daisy chains around the boys' necks, and some of the boys leant down kissed them.

There were joyful screams coming from where Merlin and Gwen had just come from. Looking behind him Merlin saw Morgana and her friends running through the grass carrying flowers. All of them were dressed in beautiful, light trailing dresses. Gwen nudged him, "They look nice don't they?"

"Yeah" Merlin said as he watched them disappear over another hill. He then turned back to where their May Day celebration was going on. He took Gwen's hand and nudged her forward slightly. "Do we dare?"

She smiled, "We dare!"

Hand in hand the two friends ran down the hill, the grass under them threatening to slip them up. Merlin clutched the basket to him, worried he might drop it. As they reached the bottom they kept going. The slop tripped Gwen and she fell down the hill, rolling as she went. It hurt a little bit but she laughed in spite of herself. The grass was damp under her, but they didn't care.

Merlin reached the bottom and couldn't slow himself down. He shoved the basket into one of the girl's hands before slowing down by throwing himself to the ground with a thump. He laughed despite the fact he hit his head.

Gregory stood over him and shook his head, "Merlin, you're bonkers."

"One of my many charming qualities" he replied, looking up at him.

Gwen pulled herself to her feet, dizzy from her tumble. As she made her way over to Merlin to help him up she realised this was how they were supposed to be. They were meant to be the best of friends. He'd be the one to cheer her up when she was down, laugh with her when she was happy, and run down a hill with her to distract her from what could potentially be a _very_ frightening situation.

* * *


	7. Part 7

* * *

Gaius made his way down the dark and dreary passage towards the underground cave where the dragon was kept. It was hot and stuffy; he couldn't determine whether it was the warmth of the spring, the warmth of the touch or the warmth of the dragon's breath. Either way it was going to his head.

Maybe it was just him getting old.

As he reached the end he walked out into the large open space, the deep cave that lay under the castle of Camelot. He looked up at the light that beamed down from the top, just out of the dragon's reach. He was just about to call it when he heard the mighty flap of its wings and the metallic rattle of his chain.

He landed on the pillar beside Gaius, perching like a bird and settling his wings, staring at Gaius.

"Two visits in six months?" the dragon asked. "That's more than you gave me in twenty years."

"As if you didn't know I was coming," Gaius retorted.

"As much as it may surprise you, old man, I don't know _everything_."

"No, but you like to pretend that you do."

"Knowing everything and hearing everything are two different things."

"Not for you," the old man said. "I've come about Merlin."

"Yes, I thought you might" the dragon replied. "You'd come for no reason other than for Merlin's sake, or Uther's."

"I wouldn't come to you for Uther's sake," Gaius replied.

"You are nonetheless concerned that Uther is starting to realise Merlin's uniqueness?"

"Not only him," Gaius replied. "I fear he is starting to realise there is something different about Morgana also."

The dragon flapped his wings, "Ah, the Lady Morgana. I was wondering when she would come up."

"I want to know whether I should warn them both," Gaius replied.

"In this situation, old man," the dragon replied. "You have the wrong end of the stick, but then so is Uther. However by the end of the year you will both be right."

Gaius rolled his eyes, "I'm not in the mood for your ridiculous riddles."

The dragon stretched his neck. "No, you never were, were you? The young warlock is the same whenever I advice him. Impatience must run in the family. No, there is nothing to fear yet. That isn't to say there is nothing to fear at all."

"What do you mean?"

"By the end of the May holiday destiny will be in place," the dragon said. "Not just Merlin's but Arthur's as well; their destinies and their tragic fates."

"What do you mean 'their fates'?" Gaius asked.

The dragon snorted, "That most human of all emotions; _love_."

"Love," Gaius repeated.

"All I can tell you is that their fates are far from pleasant," the dragon explained. "Merlin's destiny is not yet clear and can be prevented."

"How do I do that?"

"You must prevent Arthur from jousting with Gawain at the games on Saturday," he explained. "But it is too late for Arthur; by the end of the tonight he will know the face of his greatest love."

"Who is that?"

The dragon had admittedly told him more than it usually did so Gaius had no right to complain when he finally decided to fly off. He watched helplessly as it flew to the top of the cave, as high as the chain permitted him.

-

Morgana lay down in the grass. As the afternoon went on the grass had dried, so now it felt crunchy under her. She clutched a great chunk of it and pulled it up. Her hand eclipsed the sun as she pulled herself back up. She stood up and sprinkled Gawain with it. He looked up and brushed it away.

"Morgana!" he cried. "You're like the annoying older sister I never had."

"Not something every woman wants to hear," she replied sitting down beside him.

"Not my words."

She sighed, "I thought so. A saying like that had Arthur written all over it."

Gawain sat up and nudged her, "You know he probably just says it to annoy you."

"Of course he does," Morgana said rolling her eyes. "Why else would he say it?"

"No, what I mean is," he went on. "You shouldn't take it seriously. I mean, you know what Arthur's like. He only does it to tease you."

There was a long pause as Morgana stared at him. Her eyes then glowered, "What has he been telling you? If he'd been telling you what I _think_ he's been telling you, then don't believe it. He only says it to inflate his ego."

"He hasn't been telling me anything," Gawain said. "That's just the thing, he's acting strangely. I know you know him better and I was just wondering if you knew what was wrong."

Morgana shrugged, "I don't know. Too be honest I hadn't noticed until today. He's never been one for May Day but he seems so… dismissive of it today."

"Perhaps he's in love," Gawain suggested.

"Maybe," she replied before snorting. "Well, good luck to her."

She reached over to pick a daisy when she stopped dead. Arthur had been acting strangely. He was distracted, he wasn't 'on the ball' like he usually was and stories were reaching her that he locked himself in his room for hours at a time for no reason. Then it occurred to her that he wasn't the only one acting strangely…

It straight away came together in her head, and she burst out laughing.

Gawain looked at her as if she was going mad, "Are you alright?"

She nodded, "Yes, yes, I'm fine. I just had this sudden bout of _realisation_."

"Realisation?" he repeated.

"Yes, realisation" she said. "Listen, I'm going for a wander alone. If anyone asks where I am just telling them I'll be back in a minute."

Gawain lay back down and nodded, "Fine."

Morgana hiked up the hill she and the other courters were lying against. There were several couples lying next to each other all along the hill. The girls were clutching their flowers while the men pointed at the sky, tracing the shapes of clouds. Other couples more depraved things – but Morgana wasn't going to judge.

She reached the top and looked down.

At the bottom of the hill there was a band of servants playing flutes and drums as a few others danced and a handful sat on blankets clapping them on. It was nothing like the fanciful slow dancing of the court; it was fast and heated. None of them seemed to be dancing in sequence.

Morgana sat down on the side of the hill and watched them, searching the crowd for Merlin and Gwen. She finally spied Gwen sitting on a blanket clapping with a few other girls while seemed to hop his way back through the crowd towards her.

"Morgana" called Gawain, coming down the hill to sit beside her. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist."

She smiled and looked back, "They always seem to have more fun than we do."

"Do you mean the servants?" he asked, and shrugged. "Well, I suppose they appreciate it more."

"I suppose they do."

They watched as the servants got together in a huddle including Gwen and Merlin. They stayed in the huddle for a minute or so, as if they were picking straws. In the end Merlin tied his neckerchief around his eyes and Gregory span in around a few times before the servants all dispersed around the field, some even going up the hill. Morgana was certain that was cheating; normally you danced around in a circle, not run away completely. She even wondered if they were doing it just to watch him suffer.

She stood up and slowly slid down the hill, the mud and green straining her light blue dress. Gawain slowly followed, walking instead of sliding. She walked up to Merlin who blindly stumbled around, grabbing at the air. Morgana saw servants peer out from behind trees.

As Merlin grew closer to her Morgana stood still so he could find her once he stumbled into her. It was strange. After what had happened the other day, that intense moment where she had felt the power running through him, she wondered if she wanted to risk feeling it again. But the more she had thought about it, the more she longed to feel it again. It was like nothing she had ever felt before.

Finally he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. Morgana felt the power rush into her again. It wasn't as strong as it had been the other day. Maybe it was because she had been expecting it. Whatever reason it was the power was still there and Merlin clearly felt it too.

Without removing his mask he said her name: "Morgana?"

"Good morning, Merlin" she said with a smile he couldn't see.

He removed his neckerchief from his eyes and pulled it back down around his neck. He then realised he still had a hand on her shoulder, and removed it embarrassedly. It was only once he removed the hand that Morgana realised how strong the power had been. It seemed, she noticed, the closer they were the stronger she could feel his magic. She wondered if he felt the same.

Almost certainly, she thought. He's a warlock and I'm only a seer.

"Sorry" he said, finally apologising. "We were playing a game."

"I thought as much."

"I didn't know it was you."

"I thought you might have guessed."

Merlin looked around him, seeing that the servants and Gawain were out of ear shot, and said: "I'm not the seer out of the two of us."

The servants came out of their hiding places, including Gwen. They all came up, lowering their heads, as if her presence had killed the fun. It was moments like that Morgana hated being the king's ward. She'd have given anything to be part of their fun. She looked at Gwen and smiled, "How are you today?"

"Fine, milady" she said quietly.

Gawain came up and spoke, "For goodness sakes everyone. You don't need to stop having fun just because Morgana is here. We were just saying how much you all enjoyed May Day, much more than we do."

The servants all looked at one another. Gregory finally spoke up, laughing as he did; "Excuse me, your highness, but it's a force of habit. We're servants even if it is May Day."

Morgana shrugged, "It's your morning and afternoon off. I don't have a right to order you around now."

Merlin and Gwen smiled; this was the Morgana they knew from their secret dealings with the villainess, the powerful and the magical.

Gregory raised his eyebrows.

"Well, in that case," he said. He turned to Merlin, pulled off his neckerchief, and held it out to Morgana.

Morgana took it and looked at it, "What?"

"It's your turn" Gwen explained with a smile. "Merlin found you and positively identified you."

"Oh, I see" she said, still looking at the blue neckerchief. "Okay then but only if we play fairly, all of you ran off and hid. How is anyone supposed to find you with a blindfold on?"

Gregory laughed, "Okay. Come on everyone form a circle around the Lady Morgana."

Merlin walked her to the middle of the circle and turned to Gawain, "Fancy playing?"

Gawain laughed and shrugged, "Why not?"

Everyone linked hands to form a circle around Morgana. She put the neckerchief around her eyes and Merlin tied it for her. As he did she could feel the strange power of magic at the tip of his fingers as it brushed against her hair and the back of her neck. She wondered what her sensitiveness to his magic meant. She also wondered what he thought; what she felt had to feel ten times stronger, being the stronger wizard of the pair.

Blinded by the neckerchief, she listened as Merlin rushed back to somewhere in the circle. Although she couldn't hear him she saw him in her mind, getting between Gwen and another servant she didn't know very well. She wondered if this was just her imagination or whether she was really seeing it.

"Okay, let's start!" one servant shouted.

Around her she could hear them rush around in the circle like children did. She stumbled forwards, deciding what to do. In that moment of blindness she realised something – apart from Merlin and Gwen and maybe Gregory, she didn't know the servants well enough to know who it was if she caught them.

To save her embarrassment she decided that she had to find Merlin, Gwen, Gregory or, of course, Gawain. She wondered as she stumbled towards the edge of the circle how she would do it. Then, suddenly, she felt the aura from Merlin swiftly pass her by.

Then she decided how she could use her senses in the most trivial way possible.

She stood there and gently grabbed at each person as they went by. Finally she felt the power again. Rather than grabbing at him again, she reached for the next person and took hold of them.

"Gwen?" she said.

Gwen laughed and removed the neckerchief from Morgana's eyes. "That's amazing!" she said. "How did you know it was me?"

She glanced at Merlin, and answered, "A lucky guess."

"Come on, everyone!" called one person. "It's lunch time."

The small crowd cheered and rushed to the blankets, leaping onto them and taking a sandwich to eat. Merlin and Gwen turned to Morgana and Gawain.

"I don't suppose you two want to eat our sandwiches," Merlin said.

"You probably have better things to do," added Gwen with a smile. "Plus my sandwiches aren't exactly brilliant."

Morgana smiled, "I wouldn't mind, really. It's just… have you enough?"

"Are you kidding?" Merlin replied with a chuckle. "Gwen made enough to feed an army."

-

The guard that stood post just outside Morgana's room very rarely was asked about his work. It was so uneventful that he never told his wife and children about either. They thought it was so glorious, him working at the palace, but it was a boring life that didn't pay as well as it sounded it would.

"Excuse me from bringing you away from your day of rest," said the king in his regal voice. "But it has come to my attention that you saw something the other day, something that might be… important."

When he was asked to recite what he had seen the other day to the king it was the highlight of his day. This was something to tell his wife when he got home, so she could gossip to all her friends. He couldn't tell the children through – it wasn't proper.

"Tell me what you saw," Uther ordered.

"The other day I was on my patrol," he explained. "I heard voices so I thought I'd check to see if everything was alright. I could tell the voice was a man and a woman, but I wasn't certain who they were…"

"Get on with it," the king snapped.

"Pardon me, sire. Then I heard a shuffle, so I looked up and I saw the Lady Morgana embracing a young man."

Uther sat forward, "Go on."

"Then she grabbed his hand, pulled him into her chambers and locked the door," the guard explained.

"She locked it?"

"Yes, your majesty."

"How can you be sure?"

"I heard the key turn in the lock," he explained. "I then went up to make sure everything was alright. She said everything was fine and told me to get back to my duties."

Uther sat in silence, regarding the man thoughtfully. "Did you recognise the man she was with?"

The guard nodded, "Well, sire, I could hardly call him a 'man' yet; more of a lad. He certainly isn't a boy, has to be about nineteen years old…"

"Did you _recognise_ him?" Uther gritted out through his teeth in frustration.

The guard nodded, "It was his highness Prince Arthur's manservant."

"You're certain?"

"Yes. I saw his face clearly when he turned to look at me as well. He even waved." The king sat thinking for a moment. The guard spoke again, "And it isn't the first time I've seen him go there."

Uther looked at him, "Perhaps he was on his errands the second time. He runs errands for Gaius, I understand."

"He was there twice in one day a few months ago" he explained. "And a friend of mine said he'd seen him go there without any delivery from Gaius, sire."

Uther sighed and waved the guard away.

The rest of it all sounded like gossip. They loved a good scandal and this had the aura of one. Nonetheless he sensed that there was something strange going on, right under his nose. He wanted to know what it was, and he knew who to ask. Gaius had failed to be helpful – but Arthur would surely have noticed anything different about Morgana or his half-witted servant.

-

Arthur walked down the hill towards where the servants were. According to the blushing and brainless Lady Celia it was the direction Morgana and Gawain had headed off in. He had been heading towards where the servants were anyway. He needed to talk to Merlin. The entire morning, unbeknownst to his father, had not been spent walking around the castle or sitting on his backside doing nothing.

He'd been thinking.

He wondered how he was going to sneak out the ball room unnoticed by his father or the crowds. At these May Day celebrations Arthur had always been a constant figure at the hall. His presence wouldn't go unnoticed. Thankfully, however, he had chosen a time to meet the girl when everyone else in the hall would be drunk, borderline intoxicated. Everyone drank during the day on the first of May, so by nine they were on the floor laughing.

The best of all – Uther was no exception. Although he drank quietly on the first of May he still drank as much as anyone else and by the end of the day would probably have forgotten he had a son, let alone which mask he was wearing.

And that was the beauty of the plan.

As soon as the servants saw him coming someone them leapt to their feet and lowered their heads. Arthur ignored them, walking straight towards Merlin. He was sitting with Gwen, Morgana and Gawain. He almost found it amusing to watch Morgana and Gawain 'slumming it' with the servants.

Gwen noticed Arthur coming towards them. Instead of moving her eyes away like most women in her position, both as a servant and a woman in love, she just watched him as he approached. His eyes caught hers but she still didn't break that contact. Arthur probably thought nothing of it. By the end of tonight, he might understand why her eyes never moved. Morgana was the only one who noticed this exchange, and she placed a hand on Gwen's shoulder.

Arthur looked away from Gwen, and stopped in front of Merlin.

Unlike the others Merlin did not stand on ceremony; he just looked up at Arthur and smiled. "Good afternoon, Arthur… sire, sir… didn't think you liked to socialise with servants."

"I'm not here to socialise" Arthur said, throwing down the swords he had been carrying. "I need to practise for the fair."

Arthur managed to find a flat piece of land as Merlin dragged the two swords along behind him, cutting up the grass as he did. Morgana, Gwen and Gawain followed. Arthur finally stopped and tested the ground.

"Yes" he said in his teasing voice. "This should do nicely."

Merlin threw the swords down with a clang. "Don't you normally have to wear armour when practising with swords?"

Arthur pulled at face, "I wasn't carrying all that rubbish. That's your job. But since it's the first of May, I won't ask you to go back and get it."

"Oh, thank you" Merlin replied sarcastically.

Arthur folded his arms and shot Merlin a princely stare that was typical of the image that was Prince Arthur. He glanced up at the audience. Morgana and Gawain watched with mocking smiles on their faces, knowing he was only picking on Merlin to sound impressive.

Then he looked at Gwen's face. She was still looking at him; but not with the eyes she had just minutes ago. Her face was unimpressed – it was looking through the prince and at the man. All of a sudden he felt slightly ashamed.

Gawain walked over to the swords and picked one up, "Leave the boy alone, Arthur. You can practise with me. It's been a while since I've been up a challenging opponent anyway."

"I thought your father didn't want you playing with swords while you're here" Arthur said.

"I never do what my father says" Gawain said with an odd sense of pride.

Morgana clapped, "Bravo Gawain, prince of the rebels."

Arthur shot Morgana a glare but then he saw Gwen's unimpressed face again and stopped. It made him feel guilty again. He found himself thinking of that stay in Ealdor when he looked at her giving him that face. It made him realise what a ass he was being.

"This is supposed to be my day off," Merlin said finally piping up, "and you're having me lug around your swords?"

"No, actually," he said clearing his throat, "I want to talk to you privately before we do this." Merlin sighed and wandered towards Arthur. To his surprise he put his arm around him to lead him to where he wanted them to talk. "And," he added, "I'm sorry for teasing you just now."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, "Oh, that's okay. I'm used to it."

Arthur looked at Gawain, "And I'll take you up on that offer."

Gawain smiled twisting the sword with his wrist.

Arthur and Merlin made their way over to the other side of the field. They stopped by a tree and Merlin looked at him.

"What is it, Arthur?" he asked.

"I need you to do something for me" the prince replied.

Merlin winced; he hated it when Arthur said that. "And what would that be?"

"Tonight at the masked ball I'll need to sneak away to meet the girl," he explained. He turned away and paced up and down. "Generally the party will just be an all you can eat, all you can drink binge party where all the nobility get drunk. By the time I need to slip away everyone will be out of it but…"

"But…"

"But some people might notice I'm gone" he explained further. "So what does that mean?"

Merlin shrugged, "What does it mean?"

Arthur turned around and smiled, "I'm going to need a stunt double."

-

Gwen watched them from afar. She had noted Arthur's sudden change in behaviour. She wondered if he had guessed it was her. He had looked straight at her and looked so guilty about his behaviour. Maybe he hadn't, maybe he just remembered that business with the porridge. Yet, either way, Gwen thought, he still stopped picking on Merlin.

Morgana had noticed to and nudged Gwen with an elbow, "Does he know it's you?"

Gwen's head shot around to look at her, "Sorry?"

Morgana motioned her eyes towards Arthur and Merlin, "You-know-who."

"I don't know—"

Morgana was weary of Gawain, and leant over to whisper in Gwen's ear. The sound of his name burnt through her mind as she did. "I mean Arthur. Does he know that those love letters you told me about are from you yet?"

Gwen looked at her, also speaking in whisper, "How do you know?"

"I wasn't certain until today; it suddenly just occurred to me."

Gwen smiled and looked at the two boys again. They stood by a tree and Arthur spoke while Merlin listened, arms folded.

She looked back at Morgana, "I don't think it's even crossed his mind."

"I remember what happened in Ealdor," Morgana reminded her. "He listens to you. He listened to you when he just rubbed my opinions off. That's quite an achievement."

"That's only because he doesn't know me" she replied.

"Aren't you ever going to tell him the truth?"

"He asked me to meet him tonight."

Morgana looked at her, "Will you go?"

Gwen felt awkward talking to Morgana about this. All through her childhood Morgana had 'liked' Arthur. At least that was what Gwen had been lead to believe. As a little girl she had watched the two of them grow up. For a long time she had thought they were siblings, and it wasn't until she became Morgana's maid, still just a little girl, she realised Morgana was an orphan. After than she had always believed Morgana was being groomed by Uther to be the next queen; a bride he didn't have to give anything for.

She swallowed and replied: "I won't if you don't want me to."

"What has it got to do with me?" Morgana asked.

"I know how you feel about him…"

Morgana rolled her eyes, "Oh, not this again! How many more times do I have to tell people that I'm not in love with Arthur. I'm not. I just don't feel that way about him. It'd be like marrying…"

Her voice trailed off. There was a long pause.

"What?" Gwen asked.

"…like marrying my own brother," she finished. She looked at Gwen and smiled, brushing her hair out of her face like a mother did her daughter. "I love him, but not that way. As children we were brought up side by side. I suppose when I was younger I had a crush on him. I looked up to him and idolised him," she laughed, "My days of doing that are over!"

The pair chuckled.

"But," Morgana added. "For some reason it just doesn't seem right. Arthur and I – I just don't see it. Even in my dreams, I'm always somewhere else. If there is a chance that you and he can be happy in whatever happens between you… I'll never stand in the way of that."

Gwen smiled, "I was going to go."

Morgana returned the smile, "And if he is nasty to you just send him my way and I'll tear him apart."

* * *


	8. Part 8

**An extra long chapter this week.**

* * *

As the evening drew in Merlin rushed into the castle to get home while Arthur and Gawain kept fighting with their swords in the courtyard. Arthur was glad to have the practise – he never got it out of Merlin and the other knights of Camelot, while good at what they did, had not been trained as a royal prince. This was something Gawain had been trained in; and very well too.

Arthur was a superior swordsman, but that didn't mean Gawain wouldn't put up a fight. He fought strong and quickly. One thing Arthur noted especially was that Gawain was fast on his feet. He also seemed to understand Arthur's 'tactics' and managed to fight him off. In the end it was the fact that Arthur was slightly older, bigger and ergo more experienced that brought Gawain to the ground.

Gawain looked up at Arthur and laughed, "Great fight, cousin."

Arthur wiped his brow and offered his hand to pull him to his feet, "If you ever want a rematch, let me know. You are an excellent fighter, Gawain."

"I've already had two challenges at the jousting."

"Have you, from whom?"

"I've had one from Pelleas and one from Lamorak."

Arthur nodded, "It's a pity you won't be taking part in the sword competition. I don't see how jousting is supposed to be safer."

"My father had a friend who died in a sword competition," Gawain explained. "He uses it as an excuse to get me out of most competitions at home, let alone away."

Arthur nodded, "Tell me about it; fathers have one bad experience with something and suddenly they have to take it out on the world."

"I know Uther has harsh laws with regards to," he lowered his voice, "the 'm' word."

Arthur couldn't help but smirk. "Yes, he does."

Gawain changed the subject, "Anyway, it was nice having a swing of the sword with you. It reminded me of when we were younger."

"Except without Morgana butting in and spoiling it…"

"…by beating us."

"She _didn't_ beat us," Arthur said calmly. After a short pause he sighed. "Alright, fine, she beat us. It was only the once and we had been doing it for two hours before she came out. She was just a fresh soldier."

Gawain laughed, "She reminds me of my sister Elaine."

"How is she, by the way?" Arthur asked. He'd always liked Elaine; she was a very maternal person. Everyone said she was just like Igraine. "I heard she's gained the name 'Elaine the Fair'. I bet there are plenty of kings and princes fighting over her."

"Yes, there are; father is spoilt for choice," Gawain replied. "Why, do you fancy marrying her?"

"That'd be like marrying a placid, peaceful and blonde version of Morgana. She may not be as annoying but she's just as outspoken. Besides," he said, "why ruin all those other kings and princes' hopes and dreams?"

Gawain looked at his cousin, thinking of the conversation he had had earlier with Morgana. He just suddenly asked, "Are you in love, Arthur?"

The prince's head swiftly turned to look at the other prince: "What makes you ask that?"

"You seem different" he said. "Not the sort of different that comes with 'growing-up' either. It looks as if you're… I don't know… in love."

Arthur raised an eyebrow, "Have you ever been in love, Gawain?"

He shook his head, "No, but maybe I haven't found the right woman. I do know a man in love when I see one."

"Tonight is the masked ball" Arthur said. "You could have your pick of anyone in the court; they completely adore you."

"I must admit the ladies of the court are tempting but," the young man replied. "I've had bad experiences with women as well as good ones. Mostly to do with their lovers; you wouldn't believe how many paramours I have been challenged by, accusing me of stealing their ladies."

"Gawain, I _can_ believe it" Arthur said putting a hand on his cousin's shoulder. "I mean those noble women at the window this morning, and those servant girls at the picnic – they ready to take you home. I know a lot of men who think they are God's gift to women but you… you are _it_."

"Stop it Arthur; you'll give me a big head," Gawain said rolling his eyes and chuckling. Arthur chuckled. He stood to stretch his muscles, swore from their 'play' fighting. Gawain regarded him before speaking again, "So?"

"So…"

"Stop avoiding the subject," he said with a smirk. "Are you in love with someone?"

Arthur turned back, "Maybe I am."

"Should I offer my congratulations?"

"No, it's still" Arthur said trying to find the right words. He could hardly say that he didn't know who she was by sight. "It's still rather private."

Gawain nodded, "Fine, but listen – I'm expecting an invitation when the wedding happens."

Arthur laughed again, "Slow down!"

Gawain laughed again also. After a short pause he said, changing the subject again, "Listen, Arthur, I want you to know that you always have an ally in me."

"I should hope so—"

"No, I mean if you ever, _ever_ need help at any time then come to me and I'll do all I can" he said, his voice honest and serious. "I'm not saying this out of the treaty between our fathers or because our mothers were sisters. This help is for you and you alone."

Arthur looked at him; never had another royal prince sworn help and loyalty to him before. It was always to his father or to Camelot, never to him personally. He was grateful for it. Gawain was a reliable man. In some ways, he thought, he reminds me of Merlin.

"Thank you" was all Arthur managed to reply.

Gawain nodded, "Any time."

-

Merlin burst through the door as rushed straight to his bedroom. Gaius looked up from his book, startled by the noise he was making, and followed Merlin into his room. He found the young man lying on his bed on his belly, thumbing through his beloved 'book of magic tricks'.

"What are you doing?" Gaius asked. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for the masked ball tonight?"

"I need to find a spell, a charm, or something" he replied anxiously.

Gaius was concerned, "What, what's happened? What charm are you looking for?"

"Oh, nothing, don't worry" Merlin said, turning over to look up at Gaius. He saw the old man standing in the door looked annoyed now. He knew this was another hair-brained scheme on the boil. "I swear I'm not doing this because I want to."

"Then why are you doing – whatever it is you're doing?"

"It's a long story."

Gaius walked up to Merlin and snatched the book from under his fingers. "Tell me," he ordered.

"Hey!" Merlin cried. "There's nothing to tell. I just… need a spell that will make me look like Arthur."

Gaius stared at him, "Why would you need to do that?"

"I told you; it's a long story."

"Merlin, I refuse to give this back to you until you tell me."

Merlin sighed and sat cross-legged on his bed. "Arthur meeting with—" he stopped, deciding not to tell him it was Gwen, "This woman who he's been writing love letters too and I'm going to be dressed in the same costume as him because apparently everyone is going to be drunk by nine, so they won't notice the difference but I don't believe him."

"And so will you" Gaius cautioned. "Merlin, Arthur doesn't know about your magic."

"No"

"Then how do you think he'll react if he walks into the hall after meeting with this girl and sees a double of himself?"

"It'll be easy see," he said showing Gaius the page in the book, "It's just something I wear around my neck. It makes me appear like Arthur to people but as soon as I take it off I look like me again."

"And what about you," the old man went on. "Won't people notice _you're_ missing?"

"No one else notices me," Merlin said shrugging. "I'll just keep my head low after Arthur leaves. I'm there to be seen, not heard. Look, I'm going to do it anyway so why bother with the cautionary argument?"

"Because I worried what Uther will think if he happens to see two versions of his son."

"I'll keep away from Uther."

"What are you going to do, hide under the table?"

"No because then there would be no point to this charm," he explained. "Look, Arthur's idea is good but it's also stupid. Sure I'll be wearing a mask so no one will see my face but what if the mask gets pulled off or people notice the difference in my voice…"

"Or notice how undersized Arthur has become within an hour?" Gaius added.

Merlin scowled, "I can't help being skinny. It's the way I'm built. Besides I don't need muscle, my brain makes up for my lack of brawn."

Gaius rolled his eyes, handed the book back to Merlin and walked out the door, "Unfortunately others would disagree with that statement."

-

Gwen wandered into the house after parting ways with Merlin, Morgana, Gawain and Arthur. Her father wasn't there; he had mentioned something about visiting a fellow blacksmith that day, as it was his day off, and that he'd see her later that evening.

She wasted no time in getting ready for the masked ball. As she did she shook with fear. The thought of facing Arthur for the first time scared her. It had from the moment she realised it was him she was writing to.

She looked down at her dress, seeing the grass strains from hers and Merlin's run down the hill. Sighing she took off her dress and pulled out her dress for the evening. It was a fine white dress that she had made a few months ago for the celebrations. She worried that by the end of the night it would be strained some how, but there was no time to worry about that.

In the dress she looked at herself in the mirror; with the flowers in her hair she could have been the Queen of the May. She twisted, and ran her fingers across the lace and the upper body of the dress, which unlike the rest, was red. It made her feel quite grand.

Then there was the mask.

Usually she went as a deer, and she had been going to lend Merlin her mask, but as it turned out Merlin had managed to find something. Putting it away she took out her own, new mask. It was a simple white mask.

Looking at herself one last time in the mirror she decided that she looked like what she was supposed to be; a phantom.

She stepped out the house and looked up at the sky through her mask. The sun was still hanging in the sky, turning the sky yellow and dark blue like a typical spring evening. A few of the other servants rushed passed her, dressed in their costumes. Gregory rushed by, dressed as stag. He waved at Gwen as he went by.

"Hey," he said, "you look smart."

"It took ages to make" Gwen replied her smile visible under the mask that covered her eyes. "My dress last year got torn, if you'll remember."

"Yeah, I remember, Harold got drunk, stepped on it and—" he stopped and pointed towards the castle. "Are you going yet?"

Gwen looked in the direction; everyone who worked at the palace was making their way there. It was in that moment Gwen realised she had to face Arthur. She had to face her destiny, her feelings and the man she had fallen so in love with; the man, not the prince.

She smiled again and nodded, "Yes. I'm coming now."

-

It had been Arthur who suggested that Merlin attend the masked ball in the same costume he was wearing. He had thought of the idea long before he began to exchange notes with the letter-writer.

The original principle behind it was so that if Arthur were to be stuck in a boring conversation with one of the older courtiers, Arthur could slip away while Merlin would be stuck listening to the amazing rise in glass sales or moaning about how lazy his farm workers were on the land he owned. Typically the courtier would be so drunk he wouldn't notice the difference.

Today, however, the 'stunt' double was there for one purpose only – to let Arthur sneak away from the party without being noticed.

"After all you are my servant," Arthur told him as Merlin dressed him, "it is your duty to take a dive for me when I need it."

"But what if someone asks my opinion on something or a question only you can answer?" Merlin asked as he put on his mask. "What if I have to speak, full stop?"

"You won't" Arthur assured him with a smirk. "No one at these parties ever give me a chance. They just rattle on all night, drinking wine. Just keep having the goblet filled up and eventually he'll pass out, giving _you_ a chance to escape."

Merlin groaned. Arthur helped him on with the costume, almost an exact double for his own. Merlin spoke again, "What if your father talks to me? Surely, even if he is drunk, he'll notice the change in your voice."

"Just avoid him" Arthur recommended. "Besides, he never speaks to me. He always speaks to Morgana or a courtier or something. Tonight he'll almost certainly be speaking to Gawain, while slowly getting drunk, which reminds me," he added, handing the mask to Merlin, "you can't drink anything until I get back."

"And what if you don't come back?" Merlin asked.

Arthur stared at him, "What does that mean?"

"Well…"

"I promised you the other day," Arthur replied. "My intentions towards your friend are completely honourable. Once I know who she is then I hope to return to the celebrations with her."

Arthur motioned him towards the mirror so that he could look at both of them. The costume at least was not as bad as the "official" servants' robes that Arthur had made him wear with the big feather hat. The entire costume was red, yellow and gold. The mask looked shiny in the mirror as it reflected the candles that lit up the room.

"Fantastic" Arthur said, satisfied they looked enough alike. "My own father wouldn't recognise me."

"Why did you have a double made of your costume?" Merlin asked.

"It was originally father's idea. He wanted to you be a target double in case someone tries anything," Arthur explained. "I have been getting a lot of attempts on my life recently."

"Maybe that's because you're an idiot?" Merlin suggested.

Arthur responded by pulling Merlin's mask down over his face, hurting the back of his ears and hitting his nose as he let go. He uttered a small 'Ow' before speaking.

"What are you, no _we_, suppose to be?" he asked, his voice muffled under the golden mask.

Arthur shrugged casually, "I don't know, some mythological sort from Roman or Greek mythology, I think. The way we look now we could go as the constellation of Gemini if you want. You maybe scrawnier than me but otherwise we're rather alike in these costumes."

"What d'you mean 'scrawnier' than you?"

"Oh, Merlin, don't ask stupid questions."

Arthur pulled down his own mask and faced Merlin as if he was looking into another mirror. Under his own mask Merlin pulled an unimpressed face.

"I preferred my old costume," Merlin announced suddenly.

"It was so basic and horrible," Arthur said. "You didn't even change your outfit you just stuck on a mask. Where did you get it anyway?"

"Gwen made it for me" he replied. "She was okay when I told her you wanted me to be your copy but I could tell her feelings were hurt."

Arthur cleared his throat, "Well, you tell your girlfriend that you did it for the good of Camelot's prince. That old costume, anyway, what were you supposed to be?"

"I was supposed to be a stag," replied Merlin. "And Gwen's not my girlfriend."

"No?" Arthur said, raising an eyebrow. "Well get you, tiger!"

"You have no idea how wrong you are," Merlin said under his breath.

Arthur swaggered towards the door when Merlin called after him.

"Listen, Arthur, good luck" he said.

Arthur turned, making a half smile: "Thank you, Merlin."

He went out the door and downstairs to where the festivities were. Merlin took one last look in the mirror; it was like he was looking at someone completely different. He neither looked like Arthur or even himself. He was just a body in an outfit and a mask.

"Maybe I could make a copy of myself," Merlin thought.

He reached into the pocket of his jacket, which lay on a chair to one side. He pulled out the charm – more or less a necklace which had something that belonged to Arthur, one of his rings, inside – and quickly put it around his neck. Holding it in his hand as he wore it, he went back to the mirror and spoke the words the spell.

There was a short pause. He didn't feel any different.

He reached to his face to pull off the mask, daring to see what he looked like. Under the mask h saw not his daft face looking back at him, but Arthur's. It almost came as a shock to him even though it was what he was hoping to see.

Just then someone came into Arthur's room. Merlin quickly pulled his mask down and looked towards the door. It was Morgana.

Merlin stood and looked at her. As always she looked beautiful. It was as if it was written in the rules that she always be the most beautiful woman in the room. Despite their 'understanding' over his magic, despite the fact they felt this strange power between them, he often found himself staring at her whenever she walked into a room, as if she was an unreachable goddess or something. Morgana had once described him as a lover. Maybe he was; a lover of pretty girls, at least. He had lived in a village where most of the girls were far from anything special, so coming to Camelot had been a real eye opener for him.

"Oh" she said. Morgana seemed to double take when Merlin turned around to face her. He almost told her who it was when she spoke again. "Arthur, aren't you going to go downstairs?"

That is reassuring, Merlin thought. Even thought she double took him, if he could fool Morgana then there was nothing to fear from the other members of the court.

He looked at her mask and dress for the party. It was dark royal blue and silver, her mask white and gold with finely plucked feathers attacked to it like a lion's mane. She might have been going as flower for all he could tell.

Morgana seemed to be weary of the fact Merlin was staring at her, and decided to explain who she was. "I know. I look like a peacock. I'm _supposed_ to be a fairy of some sort. It was Gwen's idea. I was reading about the Pagan goddess, erm, the one that lived in the forest with nymphs."

Before he could tell her (She was probably the only person he could tell) that it was in fact Merlin, not Arthur, she was talking to, she said: "So, what are you supposed to be?"

Merlin cleared his throat and shrugged.

"You don't know?"

He shook his head.

"Have you taken a vow of silence?"

Merlin cleared his throat again and spoke through his nose in an attempt to sound like Arthur. He wasn't sure whether the spell affected things like the voice and he was too embarrassed now to tell her that he wasn't Arthur.

"I have a sore throat."

"You sound like you have a cold too."

He nodded.

Morgana seemed to lose interest in the conversation and walked back towards the door. "Well, I'm going down now."

"Good" Merlin said.

He was trying to think of what Arthur would say if it were he, which he failed miserably. Morgana rolled her eyes and walked out. He breathed a deep sigh of relief as she went, and decided to leave it a few minutes before going down himself. He quickly removed the charm; he wouldn't need it until later.

Downstairs Morgana walked into the great hall where the feast was being held. Everywhere around her there were servants, nobility and royalty all dressed up in the strangest costumes ranging from red to green from black to white, all materials imaginable sewn together to make rag and mask.

Suddenly, she saw Arthur across the hall talking to Gawain and Kay. She stormed up to him, bashing him on the shoulder. He turned around swiftly and stared at her.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"How did you get down here before me?"

Arthur looked at her as if she was stupid, "I've been down here for the last ten minutes."

"That's impossible I just saw you in your room" Morgana said, confused.

Arthur couldn't help laughing; he thought her of all people would have seen through his plan. "I assure you, Morgana, I have been down here and Gawain can vouch for me."

Gawain nodded, "I'm afraid so. I met him outside the door and we came down together."

Morgana stared at both of them before storming off to find her friends or Gwen. She looked about the hall but saw no one. Looking behind her she saw Lady Celia, Lady Andrivete and a few others go up to Gawain. Arthur and Kay looked at each other, rolling their eyes.

Turning to look at the door she finally saw Gwen enter. She smiled and went up to her. As soon as Gwen saw her she said, as she always did, "You look beautiful."

"Thank you, so do you" she replied. She glanced behind her to look at Arthur again and back to Gwen, "Are you still going to tell him tonight?"

Gwen looked at him through her mask; it gave her courage. "Yes, I'm going to tell him."

Morgana nodded, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Good luck."

-ii

Gwen watched the candle slowly burn down towards the end of the feast. She stood and watched Arthur sitting next to his father at the dining table, looking distracted from the conversation his father was having with Gawain and Morgana. Her heart was pounding so hard and so high that it was hitting the inside of her throat.

Sir Dinadan stumbled up to her and took a goblet of wine from the tray she was holding before stopping to give her a wink and making his way off towards his young friend Tristan, who hoped to be knighted within the next few years himself.

Merlin creped up towards Gwen, mask off his face. She looked at him and laughed, "What are you suppose to be?"

"I told you earlier" he replied with a smile. "I'm Arthur."

Gwen laughed, "Why did Arthur want you to dress up like him, again? Was it just for a laugh?"

"No" Merlin said, smiling, "It was so he could sneak off to see you."

Gwen shot a look over at Merlin. Putting the tray down she moved behind a pillar, waving Merlin over to join her. He followed and she spoke, "He still doesn't know it's me, does he?"

Merlin shook his head, "No, why? Don't tell me you've changed your mind about meeting him…"

"No, I" she began. "I'm just nervous. The feast will be over soon and I'll have to face him."

"Gwen, he's not going to turn you to stone if you look him in the eyes" he told her. "You'll be fine."

They stood in silence for a moment, listening to the mummer of conversation between the nobility. She couldn't keep her eyes off Arthur. Her chest tightening as she looked over at the prince. "Merlin?" she said

"Hmm"

"Have you ever been in love?"

Merlin looked at her, then at Arthur and then back at her, "No, why?"

"I just… wish I knew someone who had" she confessed. "Maybe then I wouldn't feel so… naked."

Merlin cleared his throat, "Well, I'm not the right person to ask. I've never really had a relationship with a girl. Most people think I'm weird. I'll probably never find a girl who likes me despite knowing what I'm like."

Gwen looked at him from the corner of her eye. She had almost said that had loved him for who he was, but something told her that Merlin meant what he said in a different way. Maybe he was keeping a secret.

"I wish I could help" he finally said.

She took his hand and smiled, "You do help me."

"What are you two up to?"

The two of them jumped, and screamed, as they turned to see a fox's head staring back at them. They both stared in shock, double taking for a moment to realise it was a mask. Merlin rolled his eyes, "For God's sake, Gaius, you nearly gave us a heart attack."

Gaius pulled off the mask, "Sometimes you need it."

Behind them the feast began to break up. The kitchen servants, all wearing the masks of farm animals, began to clear the tables when Uther stood to give a speech.

Merlin smiled, "Oh, looks like I'm finally going to be witness to one of Uther's great snore factors."

"Merlin!" Gaius scolded.

Gwen wasn't listening to either of them; her eyes were still set on Arthur.

"This year's May Day celebrations have been a triumph," Uther's voice proclaimed proudly, "just as was last year's. We must pray that the crops are just as good as last year's also, I trust it was to your liking this evening."

The nobility of the room gave a mummer of laughter. Merlin looked at them and shook his head, "He should hire someone to write the speeches for him."

"Merlin" Gaius snapped again. "Have you been at the wine again?"

"No, I swear" he replied. "I promised Arthur I'd stay sober."

"Well if you don't want a clout keep your mouth shut."

"…so let us begin with the entertainment and the festivities. Enjoy the rest of the evening," Uther finished.

He sat down and the courtroom burst into applause. Arthur clapped half heartedly, keeping his eyes on the candle that kept the time. It would soon be time to see her – the letter writer – to know the face behind the words. Morgana saw his eagerness to get away from the dining table and out into the open air. She told herself she would stand by her promise to Gwen. If Arthur hurt her in anyway, she would never let him forget it.

Uther leant over to Arthur, "Are you alright?"

Arthur looked at him, "Sorry?"

"Are you alright?" he asked again. "You seem distracted."

"Do I" he said, forcing words out, his mind completely on 'her'. "Excuse me, father. I'm fine. I just want to… get some fresh air."

Uther looked at him with an odd expression. He waved him off, "Go then and clear your head. You've probably had too much to drink. Return in ten minutes."

Arthur pushed his chair back to leave, murmuring as he did: "I've hardly touched a drop."

He swept across the great hall towards the door, pulling his mask down over his face to give him courage, his cloak sweeping along behind him. There were feelings inside him he had never felt before then. There was this heavy, tense, lump lodged in his throat and chest that felt like the beating of his heart. The fresh air had just been an excuse to get away from his father, but truth was he needed some fresh air.

From across the hall Gwen watched him leave. She looked at Uther and then in the direction Arthur had gone. She had almost forgotten Merlin was standing right next to her. When he threw in his penny, she nearly leapt out of her skin.

"You don't have to go straight away, you know," he said.

Gwen nodded, "No, I know. I thought I'd leave it a minute before I go. It might look odd if I were to follow directly behind him."

She felt his hand rest on her shoulder; she unconsciously leant her cheek against it, trying to fight back tears of fear. Something told her in that moment that something bad was going to happen. Even if he did return her feelings after tonight, what future did they have? What future did she have? It hurt so much – the thought of being rejected by love itself, not just Arthur.

"I'm frightened," she told him. "I'm so frightened."

"Don't be" he told her.

At that moment he hurt inside too. He didn't know why, he assumed it was because she was close to crying. But he loved Gwen. He wanted to look out for her. His duty was to protect Arthur, but it was his own desire to look after his friend.

"Listen," he said. "Arthur isn't hard to approach, I promise you. I'm sure when he realises it's you he'll still feel the same. He told you in his letters and I think you should believe him, have faith in him."

Gwen shook her head, "That's not it. I'm just frightened of what will happen after tonight."

Merlin looked at her. He chuckled. "That's up to you two, Gwen."

She almost dismissed what he said as just another reassurance but quickly realised that he was right. Her father had overcome his problems and married the woman he loved, and so would she. Rubbing her eyes she decided that she had stalled long enough. She pulled her mask over her face and headed towards the door.

"Gwen!" Merlin called. "Good luck."

She smiled back, "Everyone keeps saying that."

Merlin returned the smile and watched her bravely make her way to the doors and out into the corridors, towards the secret alcove.

-

"Gawain," Uther said all of a sudden, turning to look at him while everyone watched the dancers. Morgana stood across the room, talking to her friends while looking around the room as if she were looking for someone. Uther had his eyes firmly on her; there was something going on with that girl. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

Gawain looked away from the dancers and smiled, "Anything uncle."

Uther smiled, "I know it has been a while since you have seen either Arthur or Morgana but I know that you are the sort of man who can be… taken into confidence."

"I certainly hope I am, uncle."

"Then tell me," he asked. "What is the dynamic between Arthur and Morgana when I'm not around?"

Gawain tilted his head, "Dynamic, uncle?"

"Yes."

The young prince cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head, "Well, frankly, uncle… they remind me of Elaine and I."

Uther nodded, "Do they?"

Gawain returned the nod, "Yes. My sister Elaine is a bit more… placid… than Morgana but she can also speak her mind. It can irritate me at times. Morgana likes to make Arthur look foolish, similar to now my sisters want to show my brothers and I up. That isn't to say we're not close, or they are – I think Arthur and Morgana are very close."

"Like brother and sister?"

"I think so."

"And who do you feel towards them?"

"What I feel?" Gawain asked. "Arthur has always been my favourite cousins – well – he's my only maternal cousin. Morgana is a fantastic young woman; I think she'd make a king a very good queen. She's very assertive."

Uther nodded, glancing back at Morgana, and back at Gawain. He smiled again, "Tell me, it has been a while I've seen her, how is Elaine?"

Gawain couldn't help snigger, "That's all anyone seems to be asking me today. 'How is Elaine, how is Elaine…' I'm beginning to wonder if I should have brought her with me."

The king nodded, picking up a cup of wine. As Arthur had predicted he was starting to put it away; it was his fourth cup. He put it down and went on: "How old would she be now?

"Eighteen" Gawain told him, "And quite beautiful."

Uther nodded, "Yes I remember she was always a pretty little thing. Is she still blonde or has it darkened with age?"

"Still blonde and grey eyes," he replied. "Like me – in fact the only one who isn't is Agravain but he is the spitting image of father. The rest of us take after mother."

"I don't know" Uther replied. "You do remind me of your father in… all the positive ways."

Gawain laughed, "Thank you, uncle."

"Your mother also, as you say" the king went on. "Your father is very lucky that she was blessed with such fertility. I must make a gift for both of them; I already have a letter I wish for you to take to them."

"I'll be happy to do so."

"And please give my best to young Elaine," Uther added, picking up the goblet again. "I think she too will one day make a king an excellent queen."

-

Arthur had been gone for about ten minutes when Merlin decided it was time to take his place as 'Arthur' in the room. Everyone looked drunk enough. Gaius was about the only sober person in the room, and he had the face of one when he saw Merlin put the mask over his face. He walked up to Merlin and scowled.

"This isn't a good idea, Merlin" he warned. "I'll tell you one more time – using magic in front of Uther…"

"You told me that earlier," Merlin replied, pulling out the charm. "Listen, Arthur will probably be back in a moment anyway so stop worrying."

He put the charm around his neck. Again, he didn't feel any different but Gaius looked at him with an annoyed face. These days it seemed to be the only face he could do. Merlin briefly pulled up the mask to show his face. Gaius's eyes scowled, unblinking. The face staring back at him was that of Arthur.

Merlin reached up to touch his face. It was odd because it still felt like his face. The spell, he realised, didn't physically change you – it just made you appear to look like the person. He forced a smile for Gaius, who still scowled.

"I know I look like Arthur" Merlin said.

"Physically, yes" Gaius said. "Although that daft expression you're making could only be you."

"But does my voice sound like his?" Merlin asked, ignoring him.

Gaius pursed his lips, "Yes you do. The spell works by altering people's perception of your physical form. But _I_ can tell it's you."

Merlin smiled with Arthur's face, "That's only because you know I used a spell."

"You'll have to change that tone of voice you have too."

"What tone of voice?"

"_That_ tone of voice," Gaius said, pointing at him. "The one you're making right now and whenever you ask a question or are trying to sound clever."

Merlin cleared his voice and spoke deeper, through his nose, "How about now?"

"No you sound like Arthur trying to do an impression of him," Gaius informed him, "Badly."

Merlin shrugged and put the mask over his face again, "I'm a magician not an actor."

He walked out into the great hall, and Gaius called one more time after him. "Don't get drunk!"

Merlin ignored him. He picked up a goblet of wine and circulated the room, waiting for the real Arthur to return so he could go back to being Merlin. Just to carry, he thought. No drink, he told himself.

He thought he would find it fun or amusing to be Arthur for a day – between ordering people around, everything female throwing themselves at him and not having to make his own bed, it looked like a fine life being the prince of Camelot. But that wasn't what Merlin felt now.

If anything he felt uncomfortable, he felt exposed. He felt, probably, exactly how the real Arthur was feeling right now meeting Gwen for the first time.

"Arthur!" called someone. A shiver went up Merlin's spine as he turned. It was Prince Gawain. If there was any time to start acting, it was now.

"Prin—I-I mean," Merlin said, almost forgetting straight away that he was 'Arthur' not Merlin, Gawain was talking to, "Gawain!"

As soon as Gawain reached his side he titled his head and said: "Are you alright, Arthur?"

"Me, why I'm fine" he replied with a smile.

"Are you sure?" the young prince asked. "You sound as if you've been drinking."

"No, no I'm just… you know… happy," Merlin replied, trying to think of what Arthur would say. "What I mean is that I'm in a good mood at the moment."

He wanted to take a slip of the goblet he was carrying but stopped himself. No drink, he thought.

Gawain laughed, "That makes a change! You seem to have been in a depressing mood since before I got here apparently."

Merlin laughed, thinking of Arthur, "Tell me about it."

Gawain picked up a goblet of wine from a servant and a tray passing by and chuckled. "I think you have had a bit too much to drink, Arthur. I've never seen you as some who can laugh at themselves. You always seem to take yourself so seriously."

"Yes well" the imposter said, clearing his throat. "If you can't laugh at yourself then what can you do? That's what my manservant would say."

He realised that he was being very un-Arthur at this moment. The only way he could speak his mind was to mention 'Merlin' i.e. him.

"Yes," Gawain said. "He seems like a good fellow, that Merlin. Where is he, anyway?"

"Really" asked Merlin, flattered. "I mean, yes, I suppose he is. He's so good he's the worst servant I've ever had. And as for where he is I think he went home to get… something."

The young Orkney prince chuckled and patted 'Arthur' on the back. "He seems devoted to duty, nonetheless. He's quite a find."

Stop you'll give me a big head, Merlin thought. "You'll give him a big head."

"That reminds me," Gawain said suddenly, remembering earlier. "You know what we were talking about earlier?"

Merlin felt a drop of sweat roll down the back of his neck, "Yes."

"I think I'll take you up on the rematch" he replied.

'Arthur' stared at him blankly, "Rematch?"

"Yes," Gawain said. Now he was certain something was wrong with Arthur. He had to be drunk or something. "With the swords, remember?"

"Oh," Merlin said, nodding. "Yes the 'sword' thing – yes, that sounds like fun. Great, count me in!"

"Actually," Gawain said with a smile. "I thought we could joust it out."

"Jousting, really?" Merlin asked. Arthur wasn't as good on a horse as he was on his feet with a sword in his hand. But maybe that was why Gawain was suggesting it. "He—I mean—_I'm_ not as good at jousting as I am at swords."

"How unlike you to admit being bad at anything" the young prince replied, tilting his head again. "Who are you and what have you done with Arthur?"

Merlin's blood almost ran cold before he realised Gawain was joking. They both laughed, and 'Arthur' finally said, "Maybe it'll give… me… some practise, eh?"

"Maybe it will," Gawain replied with a smile. "As I've said I've already had two challenges. It's always nice to have a third."

"Arthur!" That _did_ freeze Merlin's blood. It was Uther calling. Merlin turned to face him and forced a smile. He had to think about _everything_ he said now. The king put his arm around Merlin's shoulders and smiled, "Why don't you say a few words?"

"Oh," Merlin said, straining his words, "Father, I don't know if I should."

"Everyone always likes to hear from you."

"I don't know that they will."

"Of course they will," Uther stated. That was it as far as he was concerned. He raised his hand and called for silence. The hall quietened down and all stared at them. Merlin wished the ground would swallow him up. "Prince Arthur will say a few words of thank you to everyone here."

Merlin stood white as a sheet, a look that didn't become the face of Prince Arthur. Everyone seemed confused at his dazed expression. It was so unlike him.

It was worse for Merlin himself who stood there staring at the crowd. He felt at that moment he'd feel less embarrassed if he had been standing there with no clothes on. But seeing no way out he clutched his cup of wine and forced a smile.

"Well" he began. "May Day; it's been a good one, hasn't it? I-I think that it's probably the best I've ever seen. Then again I don't remember any…"

Everyone looked at him, some tittering with laughter, thinking it was a joke.

"I mean it's nice to see all of you enjoying yourself," he added. "And especially nice for the girls of the court to have Prince Gawain with us tonight; I think you know what I mean."

A few of the servants and younger female members of the court chuckled at that moment. Gawain also managed to laugh, but nervously, as a few of the younger male members of the court frowned at him, silencing him quickly. He already had three challenges at the jousting; he'd be exhausted if he were challenged by another seven.

"So, what else is there to say except." said Merlin, raising his cup, "Happy May Day"

The others in the court raised their goblets and toasted him, looking at each other and the oddness of 'Arthur's' behaviour. Uther came up behind 'Arthur' with a false smile on, regretting he'd forced his son to say anything when he was clearly drunk.

"Yes, indeed" he said, slipping the cup out of Merlin's hand. "And a wonderful May Day it has been." He turned to Merlin, "Arthur, maybe you should sit down…"

At that moment Morgana ran out of the crowd and grabbed Merlin's arm. He hadn't seen her all night. As soon as she touched him he could see those images again of fire. They were very faint this time, thankfully.

"Arthur" she said. "Can I speak to you for a minute?"

Merlin went to answer, "Morgana—"

As she had done the other day when she had dragged him into her room, she dragged him away from Uther and Gawain and the crowd, away to the side of the hall where a table of drinks and food still lay to be taken. Finally, behind a pillar she turned to Merlin and gave him a wide smile.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

He smiled in the only way he ever smiled, a very un-Arthur smile. It was as if he wanted to be found out by her. "How'd you mean?"

Morgana rolled her eyes, still grinning, "Come on, Merlin! I know it's you."

Merlin looked at her, trying to keep a straight face. He failed miserably. He began to laugh and shook his head, "Oh I give up!" He nodded, "Yes it's me."

"Why do you look like that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked with his smile still on Arthur's face. He looked around and whispered, "It's a masked ball. I've come as Arthur."

Morgana folded her arms and shook her head, "Take it off, Merlin."

"I'm sorry?"

"The face," she replied. "The Arthur face, take it off. How did you do it anyway?"

Merlin was just about to take the neck-charm off when he stopped and looked about him. It wasn't private enough to be hiding behind a pillar. On a spur of madness he ducked under the long table where the goblets of wine were. Morgana covered a laugh with her mouth.

He peeked out from under and waved at her to join him, "Come on. I promise my intentions are honourable."

She shook her head, "I never doubted it, Merlin."

Like two little children they crawled under the table, and out of sight of the other courtiers.

-

It was finally starting to turn dark outside in the small courtyard just outside the northwest wing of the castle.

Arthur sat on the stairs of the castle looking up at the sky. The stars were slowly starting to come out. When he had first looked up at the sky there had only been one star in the sky. Then, as he kept looking up at it, they slowly started to appear, one by one. As they did he began to trace them with his finger, linking them up to make pictures.

He sighed, leaned his head against his hand and closed his eyes. All he could do was listen to his heart beating. It was tight and painful in his chest. Every sound made him wonder whether it was her coming, even the sound of birds.

After ten minutes he stood, realising that he still have twenty minutes to wait until he absolutely had to give up on the girl forever. Yet, he told himself, even if she does come after twenty minutes I'll wait a little longer for her. There was always a chance she was being held up somewhere. In fact he was ready to wait for an hour if he had to – Merlin could handle himself in the role of prince for a night.

He rubbed his eyes and sighed yet again, unaware he was being watched. Standing in the open door behind him in the light of the castle was Gwen. She was being careful to be a quiet as possible, trying to gain up the courage to face him.

She had stood there for the past five minutes watching him, tormented in his mind. In some ways it had been a beautiful sight. She had physically seen him baring his soul, something she hadn't seen other than on the paper he wrote his love letters on.

It's time Gwen, she told herself. It's time to face the truth – it's the only thing to do now.

And it was the only thing to do. If she didn't face him now, then she would never know what he felt or thought of her. If she faced him now, even if she was humiliated or rejected, at least she wouldn't spend the rest of her life wondering what would have happened.

Once more neither would he.

Taking a deep breath, she walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He hadn't seen or heard her coming. He spun around and stared at her: her mask was resting on the top of her head, the flowers were still clipped in her hair; her dress suited her perfectly. No one would have guessed that she was a handmaiden.

Arthur stared at her, not in surprise, but in plain amazement. He seemed to double take for a moment as it slowly came together in his head who it was staring back at him.

"You" he said quietly. "You—_are_ here to see me, aren't you? Not just hovering."

Gwen nodded; she could feel the pulse in her throat pounding, "You asked me to come here."

It wasn't until that moment Gwen had a chance to admire Arthur's looks. He truly was handsome, blessed with the good-looks and charm that went with being a prince. Yet there was more than that in his eyes. There was deep beauty that lay underneath, inside his soul. It was something that on sight you couldn't see. On the surface he was a generic spoilt prince, but underneath he was the man who Merlin was rightfully proud to call his master. That man was the letter-writer.

"You wrote the letters?" he asked, unsure of himself for the first in his life when facing a woman. "You are the—"

"Letter-writer," Gwen finished. "Yes, I am."

It all came to Arthur like a pile of books landing on his head. He spoke them out loud, not taking his eyes off her, "She's my best friend, Merlin said…"

Gwen nodded, "I'm surprised you didn't guess before now."

"Actually" he said quietly, his eyes still wide in wonderment. "It crossed my mind a few times but…"

Gwen cleared her throat, her heart starting to calm down but her blood icy in her veins, "I know—I'm a servant. Why should you consider me?"

"No, no" he quickly said, truly wanting to reassure her that wasn't the case. "No, it wasn't like that. It was because… well, frankly, I was under the impression that you held me… in contempt."

Gwen looked at him, her voice serious, "Sire, I have never held you in contempt. My only objection was to your… occasional behaviour. But that never cause distain."

Arthur shook his head, "I could see it in your eyes, since you were a little girl, glaring at me whenever I teased Morgana or my friends."

"You were a child" Gwen replied. "And so was I. We are adults now."

"Then" he said quickly, worried they were slipping away from the point. They had spent the same eight weeks writing love letters to each other. Serving girl or not, he wanted to know why. "Tell me, what changed?"

She tilted her head, "What do you mean, sire?"

"Arthur" he said, as if correcting her. "Given the circumstances and the – informality – that has brought us here I'd rather you… called me Arthur."

Gwen looked at him with bleary eyes, "Arthur, what do you mean?"

"Why send me the letters?" he asked. "How did you come to, well, what I mean is— when did you… why?"

That was the question of all questions Gwen did not want to answer. She couldn't tell him that she had thought at first the letters were from Merlin. It was foolish of her to have not realised before Merlin, the ignorant fall man, had filled her in on where the letters were going. In some ways she was just like Arthur. She had not guessed it was him, and he had not realised it was her. Only in hindsight could they see the obvious. They were both victims of this whole absurdity, and it had cost them their hearts.

But Gwen didn't care; she knew there and then that she loved him.

"Does it matter 'why'?" she finally answered. "All that matters is that I did. It doesn't matter how I came to be here, standing before you with my heart on my sleeve, willing to risk the humiliation of rejection to bring peace of mind to _you_."

"Then why did you come here tonight," he asked. "You couldn't have just come for me; you showed no eagerness to reveal yourself before now."

Gwen swallowed, and said what was in her mind: "Because it is only now I realised the truth."

"Which is?" he asked, not cruelly but curiously, eagerly. "What have you realised?"

She said it plainly, as if to say it with any kind of flair would ruin it or make it sound less sincere. "That I'm in love with you."

Arthur finally broke their eye contact at that moment. He felt lost for words. He was still getting his head around the fact that it was Gwen. Something inside him had told him it had to be her; the way she looked at him during those May Day meetings, that slow moment of realisation that had, for some reason, slipped away from him in the moment.

It wasn't because she was a handmaiden. He _wanted_ her to _realise_ that. It wasn't because he was a prince. It was genuinely because up until that moment he had sworn blind that she was in love with Merlin.

"I'm such an idiot" he thought out loud. "I should have realised the moment Merlin said he knew you. I should have realised when I realised that he was the other man."

"That doesn't matter now" Gwen said. "You know now."

I know now, he thought.

He looked at her again, meeting her eyes directly. She never took her eyes off him. It was like she was an angel, watching him and judging him. Arthur felt exposed before her, he was forced to face feelings he had never truly felt before.

The awkwardness not only came from her station, it came from his conflicting desire to remain the cool and collective prince, and the overwhelming desire he had to embrace her, to kiss her, to _feel_ her. Now here he stood, just three inches away from her. In his blind love for the letter writer he had lacked that one thing all humans needed when they were in love—to _feel_.

"Gwen" he began.

"Arthur" she said. "I just—now I'm here, although I feel the way I do—I just don't see how…"

"Gwen" he said again.

"I just don't see _how_" she said, her voice strained. "How can you ever take me seriously when you are a prince and I am a handmaiden? I—"

"Guinevere" he said, loud and clear.

She looked up at him.

For the first time Arthur came to appreciate the way she looked. He had always known Gwen had a beautiful soul, but never had he considered her face before now; her dark hair and her skin that shone in the moonlight that also reflected in her dark eyes. She was by no means the most beautiful woman in the world, but in that moment Arthur knew that she could be a loathly woman and he wouldn't care. If he could choose from any face from any woman on the earth, everything from the strands of the hair to the tips of her toes, _every inch would be Guinevere_.

He took one of her hands. "I told you that I would love you no matter who you were and what you looked like. And I meant it. I meant it, Gwen. I told you the only thing that makes it impossible is your belief that it isn't possible."

Gwen fought back to keep her emotions from showing. She felt so touched, and yet sad, in that moment. She shook her head, "No. You don't understand. I _do_ believe that you love me. I _don't_ believe that _the prince_ will have the last say on who he loves."

There was a short pause. Arthur responded in the best way he could. He felt so awkward, so put on the spot. No woman had ever held so many cards with him before. The thing that really struck him was that she chose not to play them.

"Then," he said. "Imagine that I'm not the prince, just plain Arthur."

Gwen dared to reach up with her free hand and stroke his clean shaven face. Feeling his face at her fingertips, Gwen had never imagined Arthur was 'touchable' or that he had 'textures'. All her life he had been an unattainable object that was out of reach from all people. Even the servants that serviced him every day; they could touch his possessions, prepare his meals, and dress him in clothes and armour, yet he would never really 'feel' the man beneath the word "sire". None even Merlin.

Not only was Arthur real at Gwen's fingertips, but she was real too. He closed his eyes, feeling the warm hand stroke his cheek. It soothed him in a way he had never quite felt before. For the first time he too saw Gwen for what she was. She was not only the allusive letter-writer who seduced him through her words, her rejections, her denials and her uncertainty. She was also a woman, and for a moment, he could imagine that he was just a man.

He reached to his cheek to clutch her hand in his; it was hot in his cold hand. Her eyes were now closed, as if she were trying to pretend it wasn't a prince touching her hand. His eyes still closed, he leant his cheek hard against her palm, and ran his thumb over her knuckles. He brought the hand to his lips as kissed the palm gently before trailing his lips over the back of her hand, caressing every knuckle and finger carefully. It was as if she were made of fine marble; were he to be too rough he would knock her over and she would break into pieces.

"Sire" Gwen finally said, opening her eyes.

"Arthur" he said, frustrated in the destruction of the moment by her programmed display of protocol. "For the love of God, call me _Arthur_."

Gwen bit her lips and looked away. She couldn't bear to look at him lest she finally break her resistance and burst into tears.

"Arthur" she said, obeying his order. "This was all a mistake. I never should have continued to write to you this long. It was… madness that kept me doing so. We need to end this before it begins."

Arthur looked at her, his heart tearing inside his chest. "Why?"

"Because you aren't just Arthur" she replied, her voice cracking under the pressure. "You are the prince. There is no place for a handmaiden in the life of a royal prince, except to bring him his meals; I cook the food, but I never sit down and eat it. I make the bed, but I never lie in it."

They looked at each other.

"It has to end" she finished, "before someone or something tears us apart."

Arthur shook his head.

"No." he said plainly, "I can't just… forget. Not now. Not ever." She took a deep breath. He stepped closer to her, just an inch away. She could feel his breathing on face, and it made her shiver with love. "You know me, Gwen. I never forget, and I never give up."

She looked up at him. Looking in his eyes then she may have let one tear go. "And you know me, Arthur. I'm a realist. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to get hurt."

"Then why," he said, his breathing laboured with the soreness in his chest now, "must you hurt me now?"

"It will be all the more painful" she told him, "If something happened between us and then…"

She stopped.

He swallowed: "Now woman has ever hurt me so much, until now. And no woman has ever hurt me, and yet in spite of everything, I didn't care because…"

Gwen turned to go for the door.

If she heard any more she might falter, or give in, or do yet another thing she would regret later. This was a side of Arthur she never thought she would see, let alone expose. The thing that hurt the most was that she could feel his pain. She was hurting him and that guilt was killing something inside her. She both hated herself for hurting him and for loving him.

"I can't listen to this anymore," she said, wiping away a few more loose tears. "I-I'm sorry. It'll just make it worse."

Arthur's minded fogged, his proud masculinity dropped, in the fear that once she walked back into the castle he would never have another chance to say the words his tongue stiffened in saying.

"I love you."

Gwen stopped. The words brought a strange mix of joy and pain to her. The joy came with the fact that she had never been told by any man she loved that he loved her in return. The pain was obvious.

"I can't help it if I do."

She turned her head to look back at him again, "And never can I."

She dared not look back after that, fleeing away down the corridors in no particular direction. Her rib cage was imprisoning her lungs and her heart, her chest felt so tight.

She stumbled into a dark corner. There she slumped down onto the floor, shivering from the coldness of the floor. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, ignoring the tears she now let freely roll down her cheeks. The palms of her hands were burning, red and felt numb. She rubbed them together to bring feeling back.

Gwen wanted to disappear into the wall or into the floor and go to sleep forever.

-

The party in the hall lazily went on. People were now slouched in the chairs, laughing and gossiping. The entertainment drooled on and on. Uther himself sat slouched in his chair next to Gawain, who seemed to be the only one still moderately sober. His eyes were heavy from the wine but it didn't stop him enjoying an apple.

Sir Kay and Sir Lionel stumbled up the table of drinks and took one each before stumbling back to their seats. As they left two hands snaked up from under the table to take two cups themselves. Each found what they were looking for and pulled it under the table to where they sat.

Morgana laughed, peering out from under the red table cloth to see Uther dropping off in his chair, and Gawain politely trying to keep him awake by 'accidently' banging on the table or thinking up questions to ask him.

The light of the hall shone through the table cloth, colouring both her and Merlin red. She turned back to him and smiled. In her hand she held the charm that had been around Merlin's neck. "I still can't believe this little thing made you look just like Arthur."

"It's not as good as you think it is" he replied, rubbing his eyes. "You have to be careful not to look in mirrors. Mirrors don't lie."

"I suppose it's handy we're at a masked ball then" she replied, handing it back to him. They both took a slip of their drinks, at whole time Morgana kept an eye on Merlin. Once they put the cups down she smiled, "Do is this the sort of thing you usually do? These silly little tricks so than Arthur can go off and do his dirty little deeds."

"No, no, I've done lots of things with my magic" he replied. "I've… I used magic to expose Valiant's own use of magic to cheat in the swords competition… I used my magic to help Arthur defeat the Afanc…"

"Wait a moment" Morgana said, eyes widening. "I was there for what one."

"Yes, you were," Merlin replied smugly. "Did you think that gust of wind came out of nowhere or something?"

She stared at him and laughed. "I didn't really think about it."

"Well I made a nice little enemy out of that episode," he replied. "She seems to be the only one who notices and appreciates my abilities, even if she did try to kill me."

Morgana tilted her head, "The poison?"

Merlin nodded.

"I thought that—" she paused and shook her head. "No, never mind. I suppose it did seem strange, the idea of a handmaiden going to all that trouble to frame Bayard when she only wanted to kill Arthur."

He smiled, "You really are a marvel, Morgana."

"You know" she said, quietly. "I wish I could use magic like you can."

Now he tilted his head, "Really, you do?"

She nodded.

"What about Uther and his… aversion to magic?"

"You know me, Merlin" she said. "I'm not afraid of Uther. And you know yourself that I have… _abilities_, of my own. I would like to put them to better use than giving me a bad dream every night."

Merlin leant forward, "I told you the other day when you dragged me into your room I'd try and find a spell to make your dreams less frightening—"

"But what's the use of having my abilities if I can't use them?"

Merlin stared at her. She had taken the words right out of his mouth. He had frequently said the same thing to Gaius. It was as if they were linked, as if they were kindred spirits.

"Maybe I could teach you" he suggested.

Morgana looked at him, a smile spreading over her face: "Really, you would do that?"

"If you wanted" he replied. "I mean, I'm teaching myself, but I could teach you too."

"I don't mind if it's just lighting a candle," she replied.

"Well, actually" he replied with a careful smile. "That's the most useful spell you could possibly know."

As the hour dragged along Arthur finally reappeared in the hall. He had been longer than he thought. His body had just entered the hall but his mind was still out there in the courtyard with Gwen. Everyone seemed a blur to him. He cast his eyes over the hall, searching for her face. She was no where in sight. She had truly abandoned him. And in that moment, a part of him died.

That part could only be revived by Guinevere.

Gaius walked up to Arthur at that moment. He wasn't nearly as drunk as the others in the hall, but he had enough to stumble. "Are you Arthur or Merlin?" he asked.

Arthur pulled a face. "Have you been drinking, Gaius?"

"Arthur" the old man said, knowing Merlin would have revealed himself straight away. "Have you seen Merlin?"

Arthur shook his head. "I only just got back here. I was getting some fresh air."

"Fresh air, hmm" Gaius said, knowing Arthur had been to meet the girl Merlin had told him about.

The crowds began to depart for the night. Some were staying behind to drink some more but the women of the court began to make their way home. As servants began to clear the tables they pulled the table cloths off revealing Merlin to be sitting under the table.

Arthur and Gaius caught sight of him and walked over. It was then that they noticed Morgana was underneath as well. The two dragged themselves from under and looked up, smiling. Morgana looked drunk but Merlin, as could be expected, was intoxicated.

Gaius rolled his eyes, "Oh Merlin. How is it that you are such a lightweight?"

The young manservant shrugged and laughed.

Gawain came up behind Arthur and smiled. He then saw Morgana and Merlin, and shook his head. "Interesting—I never thought I'd see the day I'd see a drunken Morgana."

Arthur looked behind him, "What about father?"

"Don't worry about him" Gawain replied, pointing over his shoulder. "He's out for the night. Let's just get them home quietly."

The young man leant down and helped Morgana to her feet. She was clearly tired but unlike Merlin she appeared to be able to keep her balance. He then aided Gaius in dragged Merlin to his feet. The young manservant collapsed against Gaius, and Arthur who had been watching to scene wearily, keeping one eye on his father, put his arm around Merlin to keep him up right.

Gawain, who was providing support for Morgana, chuckled at the state Merlin was in. "Oh dear, hands up if we drank too much!"

Merlin raised his hand clumsily. "Me, sire. Guilty as charged; sorry, Arthur."

Arthur said nothing. He turned to Gaius, "I'll help you take him home." He turned to Gawain, "Get Morgana back to her room, ask some servants to help you."

Gawain nodded and turned to some of the palace servants. "Come on then. Let's get her washed and ready for bed as quickly as possible."

"Shouldn't someone fetch Gwen?" asked a maidservant.

"Who is Gwen?" asked Gawain.

Arthur heard them and spoke with a lump in his throat as he explained, "Guinevere, her handmaiden."

Gawain turned back to the maidservant, "You see if you can find her."

The maidservant rushed off while Gawain and two others followed him out of the hall, carefully walking Morgana along.

Arthur watched them go before he and Gaius carried Merlin between them. The whole time the young man babbled things. "This may not be the best time to tell you this," Merlin slurred out as Arthur propped him up. "But you have to joust with Prince Gawain at the tournament."

After finally getting Merlin back to the house, Gaius asked Arthur where his clothes were.

"They're still in my room" the young prince replied. "I go and look for them."

He went back to his chambers. Ever time he passed a young woman his heart braced, wondering whether it was Gwen or not. It never was.

Getting what he came for he stumbled back towards Merlin and Gaius's apartments carrying the young manservant's clothes. His mind was in a daze, his eyes were clouded. It was like he had been hit over the head with something blunt and heavy. He wondered briefly how he had come to be in this confusing and painful and wonderful predicament. But it didn't last long.

All he could think about was her.

All he wanted to say was her name – Guine_vere_, Guine_vere_…

Gaius was sitting next to the bed in the living room where Merlin lay intoxicated, making small, drunken snores as he did so. He looked cozy, curled up like a little child having a nice dream. He was going to regret touching the ale tomorrow morning.

The old man looked up as the prince entered quietly. "I found them."

Gaius stood up and took them from Arthur, "I'll send them off to be washed, and get what he's wearing now back to you as soon as he's recovered from his hang over."

Arthur sat in a chair near Merlin's head, managing to crack a smile, "I take it he'll be taking a sick day tomorrow."

"Depends how much he drank" Gaius replied. "If he's drunk more than five you won't be seeing him until Monday."

The two of them sat watching Merlin as he slept. It was rather soothing to watch, Arthur admitted to himself. It was nice to see someone sleeping soundly. And not only him but Morgana, too, who had been knocking back the wine as if it were water. Not that he could judge. After he walked back into that hall and Gwen didn't reappear, he gulped down a few goblets as well.

His vision was starting to blur. He cleared his throat, "Gaius."

"Yes"

"I don't know who else to tell since Merlin is—" he nodded his head towards the young man curled up comfortably, "Out for the night."

Gaius couldn't help sniggering. "I'll listen if you'll listen to me first."

Arthur sighed, "What is it?"

"Merlin mentioned you are jousting with Gawain at the tournament," Gaius said.

A faint smile appeared on the prince's lips. "Looks like I am now. He's my cousins; I can't exactly back out of it just because Merlin was pretending to be me."

"I would advise you to be careful," the old man replied. The dragon's words rang in his head, and had the moment Merlin mentioned the challenge. "They say Gawain is an expert on a horse."

"We'll see" Arthur replied.

Gaius decided to drop it. "And what is troubling you?"

Arthur sat in silence before he spoke. "Gaius, have you—"

"Hmm"

"Have you ever been in love?"

Gaius looked at him. It seemed everything the dragon had said was coming true. Arthur had seen the face of his true love. "Once" the old man replied, "but not for a long time. I'm too old. Can I assume that you yourself are enamoured with a young lady?"

Arthur sat in silence. "I feel awkward saying this—"

"Then maybe you shouldn't."

"—but I have to get it off my chest" the prince finished.

He curled himself into a foetus and took a laboured breath. He didn't look well.

"I have a terrible pain in my chest, and my legs, and my arms. It's like I'm having a heart attack. I can't focus my eyes, they feel so foggy. I can't think clearly. I can only think about her. I feel so… emasculated!"

Gaius couldn't help sniggering. "There is nothing wrong in loving a woman."

"I know there isn't. I both love and hate this feeling. It feels like…" Arthur paused. "It feels like I've been asleep my whole life and I only awoke an hour ago."

Gaius dabbed a cloth on Merlin's forehead. The young manservant was dead to the world. "And who is this lucky lady, if I may ask, sire?"

Arthur looked away from the sleeping Merlin and over to the window. Outside he could hear people making their way home. He wondered where she was now. He said her name, not as a reply to Gaius, but because she was all there was on his mind.

"Guinevere…"

The old man looked up upon hearing the name. It was at this point he began to worry.

* * *


	9. Part 9

Merlin had awoken with one of the worst hangovers of his life. It hurt to open his eyes; everything was too bright. He clutched his head and groaned. It was throbbing with a sharp pain, banging on the inside of temples and behind his eyes. The typical hang over. He never felt the typical overwhelming desire to douse that awful yellow 'pick-me-up' that Gaius normally gave him after his nights on the town.

He could smell it brewing in the kettle. That was enough to sober up anyone after a night of drinking.

Gaius glanced over at him. "Good morning."

"Morning," the young man groaned in reply. The old man came up to Merlin and handed him the horrible concoction. Merlin pulled a face, "Aw, do I _have_ to?"

"Drink it" Gaius ordered.

Merlin took the remedy, held his nose and swallowed it. He swallowed it so quickly that he choked and the horrible taste stuck in his mouth, throat and nose. He really would have preferred to have the hangover.

Looking up be noticed Gaius staring at him with his 'unimpressed' face. Merlin looked at him, "What is it?"

"Are we going to talk about last night?"

"What happened last night?"

"You were sitting underneath a table with Morgana, drinking."

Merlin chuckled, "Oh, yeah, I remember now."

"How much does she know, Merlin?"

"A lot," he replied cheekily. "She's a very clever woman."

"You know what I mean."

Merlin sighed, "Gaius, she won't tell anyone. Believe me, she's the only one in this castle that I trust with his secret other than you."

The old man continued to scowl, and Merlin looked away. He could understand why Gaius was angry but he didn't seem to understand what a comfort it was for Merlin. Now she knew, and had enlisted his help in soothing her fortune-telling nightmares, he felt less of a freak.

"I assume she has spoken to you about her dreams?"

"Yes," Merlin admitted. "She asked me to help her soothe them, or help her work out what they mean—"

"They don't have a meaning, Merlin" Gaius replied. "They are _dreams_."

"You of all people know that isn't true."

Gaius stared at Merlin. "All I mean is," the old man went on. "It was safer for Morgana when she didn't know the truth about her abilities. It was better."

"Safer, maybe," Merlin replied. "Better, no. Gaius, those dreams were driving her mad. She told me she has to completely knock herself out with wine in order to blunt her dreams. I can't just sit back and see another person like me suffer because they don't understand their powers."

There was a long pause.

"In any case," he went on, "who says it was safer when she was in the dark? Isn't it stranger her walking around in hysterics like a mad woman, complaining of bad dreams all the time than being in a position where she understands them, and can hide her abilities from Uther like a _certain someone_?"

"Merlin, it could prove very difficult for you if there are two magic users in the castle."

"Why?"

"Because…" Gaius stopped. He looked away, not answering, "Never mind. Forget I said anything. All I'm saying is this; keep an eye on her, Merlin."

Merlin was sceptical about Gaius's worrying. Then again he always was. Gaius seemed to worry more than he needed to. The young warlock realised that he was only trying to protect him (and Morgana) from harm. Merlin knew he was living in a fool's dream in believing that Morgana being the king's ward would stop Uther from executing her if he had to. If he didn't then he would appear weak, and unjust.

It would be like killing a daughter, defiantly. But it would have to be done. All of a sudden Merlin felt a pang of fear rush through him. What if they were found out? Uther would kill him without a second thought—

"I will, Gaius" he finally said with a faint smile. "I'll keep both eyes on her, if you promise not to whack me."

Gaius rolled his eyes, "I notice the connotations there, Merlin."

"What connotations?"

The old man smiled for the first time that morning, "You and your eye for the pretty girls."

"What else?" Merlin replied with a chuckle.

The two of them laughed, but the mood was quickly killed as soon as Gaius changed the subject back to the night before. He'd covered Merlin and Morgana, now it was time for Arthur and Gwen.

"How long have you known?" Gaius asked.

"I know a lot of things."

"Not enough it seems," the old man scolded. "I meant about Arthur and Gwen."

Merlin pretended, as he usually did when he didn't want to part with a secret, that he didn't know anything. "What about Arthur and Gwen?"

"Merlin, I know" the old man said. "Arthur as good as told me last night."

The young man's eyes widened, "When?"

"While you were passed out in your drunken state," Gaius explained. "He was unlike anything I had ever seen from him before. I have known Arthur all his life and never have I seen him so… lost. He told me that he felt as if he'd been asleep all his life and he had only just woken up. Those are rather poignant words for Arthur, I'm sure you'd agree."

"Beautiful. He should write it down."

Gaius glanced at him, "He probably already had… but then you know that, don't you?" Merlin shrugged. "Arthur has been writing to Gwen for the last month, hasn't he?"

Merlin nodded, "Yes."

The old man shook his head. "That infernal lizard was right."

"How'd you mean?"

Gaius sighed, "I fear that Arthur is in love with Gwen."

Merlin tilted his head, "Is that a bad thing?"

"Gwen is a handmaiden," Gaius replied. "Arthur is a prince. It's not like they can fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Uther will expect Arthur to marry a princess, or at the very least a duke's daughter."

Merlin perked up, "Like Princess Elaine?"

"How do you know about her?"

"Everyone is talking about her at the moment," the young man replied. "Arthur and Gawain were talking about her the other day. Even Uther was asking about her. Who is she?"

"She is the eldest daughter to King Lot and Queen Anna, who is Igraine's sister," Gaius explained. He then shifted in his seat, "It's strange but I always thought Arthur and Morgana would one day marry."

Merlin twitched a little bit. From the moment he had heard Gwen say that on his third day in Camelot the idea had felt 'wrong' to him. He'd never quite put his finger on it. He shook his head and answered his own mental question, "Nah, they're like brother and sister."

Gaius shifted again, not wanting to say this to Merlin as he knew would be upset to hear it, "If everyone is talking about Elaine I suspect Uther has it in his mind to secure a betrothal between her and Arthur."

The young wizard looked up, "Really."

"And I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to convince Lot to offer one of his sons for Morgana," Gaius went on, "Probably Gawain."

"No!" Merlin sulked. He heard himself say it, and then backtracked. "I mean—that's terrible that… neither of them have a say in it."

Gaius noted Merlin's exclamation, but decided to ignore it. He shrugged, "I'm sure Arthur will have a say, but it won't make much of a difference in the end. That's why I've always said you should count yourself lucky. Things you take for granted he has to give up. Arthur is a young man who does his duty, but he is also stubborn."

Merlin snorted with laughter, "I know."

"Arthur may seem to wallow in glory and admiration," the old man went on, "but he has to sacrifice so much."

"Including Gwen," the young warlock whispered.

"The most Gwen could ever hope to be to Arthur is his mistress."

Merlin cringed, "Gwen would never agree to that… would she?"

Gaius sighed again, "I have a dreadful feeling she would. That's why she rejected him last night."

"How do you know that?"

"Well" the old man replied. "Arthur wasn't exactly walking with a spring in his step when we brought you back here. I've never seen him like that before. Arthur has always been adored by girls and he's had romance… but they were always with noblewomen, and he always got over it after a week."

Merlin sighed, "Maybe it's true love."

"For their sake I hope it isn't," Gaius replied. He then pointed at Merlin cautiously, "I hope you don't make the same mistake Merlin."

"What?"

"Falling in love with someone out of your reach," he said. "This could be you."

Merlin laughed at the very idea, "What noblewoman would look at me twice when they have blokes like Gawain and the knights to stare at. I have enough trouble attracting girls of my own station. I am _this_ close to becoming a celibate."

Gaius rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't recommend it, Merlin. Your eye for girls would get you kicked out of any monastery. They wouldn't trust you with the sisters."

Merlin laughed.

-

Gwen sat looking out the window of Morgana's room. The day looked as if it would be a lazy one, as most Sundays were. People were awaking from night of drinking, slugging out of bed and, with their hangovers, getting to work on setting up the stands for the May Day games tomorrow.

For a moment she wondered if she was the only sober person in the whole castle. From what she had heard from Gregory, who had finally found her wandering the corridors of the palace at two this morning, Merlin had _literally_ drunk himself under the table, with the Lady Morgana, too.

Gwen looked behind her; Morgana was still fast asleep. It looked like a dreamless sleep, something that the lady rarely enjoyed. Like the dutiful handmaiden she had said by her mistress throughout the night, not once stealing a moment for sleep.

The young maid was worried about her mistress's drinking habits. At first it had seemed liked nothing as it was common practice for the nobility to drink frequently from lack of anything else to do. But now it was obvious to Gwen that Morgana was drinking for one reason and one reason only; to medicate herself from the nightmares she had.

Every since she was a young girl and first brought to the palace to serve Gwen had noticed Morgana's dreams. She would tell her about the dreams and then they would come true. When they were younger the dreams were just simple things like Arthur breaking his arm, Uther falling desperately ill with a plague that was going around eight years ago, and Gwen herself being promoted to being Morgana's handmaiden. Then as they got older the dreams became more serious, and lately, they had been horrific.

The worst of it was this—Morgana said she couldn't tell Gwen what happened in the dream. That frightened the girl; what was Morgana _seeing_?

Gwen tried not to think about it as she looked out the window again. But that was one of the only two things she had on her mind. The other was Arthur. She thought of his name over and over in her head, sometimes saying it out loud. It only reminded her of her feelings. She was full of regret over the way she had handled things last night. She had gone over the moment in her head a million times, and she had never said no.

But in that moment, feeling him, touching him and realising for the first time that he wasn't an allusion, she realised that she was nothing. She was literally reaching out for something that was above her, and she felt ashamed.

There was more too.

Gwen knew that if she hadn't left when she did, she'd have stayed—longer than she should stay. And if she had stayed any longer, she knew she would have ultimately offered herself to him on a plate. She needed to keep control of her virtue as well as her emotions.

When she thought about her feelings, though, she felt embarrassed. It felt as if everyone knew what she was thinking. It felt as if they could see her reliving that intimate moment the other night as she ran her hand over his face and he had traced his lips over her hand. Every time she thought about it her cheeks flushed red and she folded in on herself, eyes shut tight, entering her own world where the memory could be repeated and relieved over and over.

Then came the thoughts of what she secretly wanted him to do, but never admit, and what she knew he secretly wanted to do, but had been refused the chance by her refusal of him. She hugged her arms around herself and leant her head against the sill of the window, ashamed that she was having these fantasies. She knew many girls probably had fantasies about Arthur, reducing themselves to warm puddles of butter on the floor when they did. The thing that made Gwen ashamed was that for_ her_ it really _could_ have happened.

And once more she wished it had.

It was a horrible thing to admit to. She prided herself in being a woman who was practical, realistic and prudent, even if she could be foolish and misguided at times. To admit that she would have melted like so many other girls before her in front of Arthur was, in her mind, an insult to herself.

And she was glad she had left when she did.

Opening her eyes she looked out the window again and her heart stopped. Down below she saw him again. Arthur. He was walking around the courtyard doing nothing with just a goblet of wine in his hand. He looked up at all the windows of the castle. As his eyes looked to Morgana's window, Gwen moved away to avoid being seen. She dreaded meeting his eyes again lest she would just fall back and die on the spot.

She peeked to look out the window again; he was looking away, and she felt safe admiring him silently from above. She let out a sigh, and nearly said his name out loud. But she stopped herself.

"Gwen" a croaking voice said from behind.

Gwen spun around and saw Morgana cautiously opening her eyes, the light of the outside world too much for her pupils. The maid walked up to Morgana, forcing a smile. "Milady, are you feeling better now?"

"What on earth happened last night?"

"You had a little bit too much to drink."

Morgana remembered and let out a dry laugh. She was completely parched. "Oh, yes, I remember now. Merlin and I were sitting under the table. He was pretending to be Arthur and he told me he wanted to hide under the table until the real Arthur came back."

Gwen said nothing.

"I think we went a bit over our limit. One thing I will says is that binge drinking does wonders for my nigtmares," Morgana joked. She noticed Gwen's silence and attempted to sit up. "What wrong, Gwen?"

Gwen's eyes widened, she snapped on her smile again. "Nothing, nothing at all, can I get you anything, milady?"

"Put a pillow behind me," Morgana said. Gwen did as she was told, and Morgana was finally able to sit up. "Now, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing" Gwen said, starting to lose her smile. "I swear nothing."

Morgana scowled, "Is it Arthur?" The maid said nothing. "If Arthur has done anything to upset you, just tell me. As soon as I am physically able I will go right to him and give him what for."

"No," Gwen said quickly. "He's done nothing. It's my fault."

"What do you mean 'your fault'?" she asked. "What happened last night?"

Gwen bit her lips, feeling tears behind her eyes. "It's complicated."

"You always say that when something is wrong" Morgana stated. "Now tell me why you're upset."

The maid took a deep breath, feeling the urge to cry burning in her head and chest. She swallowed the feeling and explained her troubles, "I told him nothing could happen between us."

Morgana stared at her, "Why? I thought you—"

"But nothing can happen between us," Gwen replied, her voice cracking from the strain of her own feelings. "He's a prince and I'm a handmaiden. I have no land, no money, and nothing else to my name. Nothing could ever come of a relationship between us. There is no future."

Morgana shifted, twiddling her toes under her covers, trying to think through her handover. "But… haven't you considered, you know, the 'alternative'?"

Gwen knew what she meant. "No, I couldn't do that."

"Why not?" the lady asked, "In many ways they hold a stronger position than the wife does."

"Not when he's is the prince" the maid replied with an absent chuckle. "Besides, I could never do that. I could never… share the man I love with anyone."

Morgana nodded, "I admire you for that."

"I just had to finish it before anything happened," she went on. "If I didn't then it would just hurt more when…"

Her voice ceased up, the words were burning her. Morgana reached over and took Gwen's hand. This gesture of pity caused Gwen to lose grip on her emotions and she felt the same tears from last night roll down her cheeks. She felt completely ashamed when Morgana move her hand to her shoulder and titled her head sympathetically. She pulled the broken maid towards her and embraced her as a mother would a child.

"I'm sorry milady," Gwen said, trying to gain control again. "It's just…"

"I know."

"I really am sorry," she went on. "I just couldn't help it. I'm alright now."

"Oh, Gwen" Morgana said soothingly, stroking Gwen's hair. The girl was obviously tired, she hadn't slept all night. She'd been left to sit staring at four walls with only Arthur to think about. "Gwen, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have principles and that is the important thing."

"No, it isn't. I keep thinking I've made a mistake," Gwen replied, rubbing her eyes. "The more I think about it the more I realise that my feelings aren't just an infatuation. They're torturing me. He's torturing me. I can't stop think about him. Every time I try he comes back into my head."

"Gwen…" Morgana said supportively.

Gwen looked at her mistress and sighed. "I really do love him, Morgana."

"I know," said the lady quietly.

-

Arthur sat in his chambers alone with just a cup of wine to keep him company. All he had had all day was a drink. He had done nothing productive or princely. He hadn't even practised for the sword and jousting tomorrow. There was no way to focus his mind on any of those things. He already resided himself to the fact that Gawain was going to beat him tomorrow at the jousting.

All Arthur would have on his mind is Gwen.

What made it worse was that she would be sitting right there in the front row with Morgana, watching him and judging him. He would feel the sting of humiliation from the people watching when he was ultimately dismounted from his horse. But they didn't matter to him. All he could think about was Gwen's reaction; what would she think?

She wouldn't care. It was Gwen. If he fell from his horse she would be concerned. That was a comfort to him.

But what would it matter if she refused to let him into her heart?

He sat down at his bureau, placing his goblet of wine close by, and sat brooding. He was fairly certain he was a little drunk. It was half tempting to seek her out and beg her to love him. It would be humiliating, and worst of all emasculating, but while he was drinking he had the courage to do anything.

Then he realised a way he could get through to her. Picking up a quill and some paper he began to write. It was writing letters they had been able to communicate their feelings without shame:

_Gwen, _

_I once told you that the only thing that made our love impossible was your belief that it cannon be possible.__ Now it seems I have been proved right. You are torturing my soul, and the only thing I can soothe it with is a drink. I feel ashamed for feeling the way I do, but not because of you. I love you, and nothing can change that. I am ashamed of my thoughts because my intentions to you are completely honourable and yet, I am forced to admit, my thoughts are occasionally anything but._

_I write to you now because it has been the only way I have kept your attention long enough to say what I want to say… _

He paused. What was there left to say? What could he say? It seemed he was out of words, no doubt because the drink had dulled his brain. In the end there was nothing to say but exactly that:

_But now that I am writing to you, knowing that it is you I am writing to, I realise that these letters were __never__ enough. Now that I know it is you I know that I am meant to profess my love to you, and you alone, to your face. That moment in the courtyard when I felt your hand on my cheek, and I kissed your hand I knew in that moment that I wanted, no __needed__, to be with you. To be able to kiss your hand whenever I wanted; to kiss your cheek, your neck, your lips… to embrace everything about you and every part of you. My arms feel empty, as if they should be holding you even as I write now. There is nothing I wouldn't do just to feel you once again. I would tear down the sky for you if it would prove to you how I feel._

_Arthur_

He threw the quill down and glanced out the window. As if God was listening to his thoughts, there in the courtyard, walking in a daze was Gwen. She wasn't doing anything, just minding her own business. There was no one near by and she was completely alone. She stopped by some stairs and sat down, deep in thought. The sight of her made his heart pang inside his chest. He wondered for a moment if she was thinking about him. A faint smile spread across his lips. Even after last night he couldn't be angry at her for the rejection.

He turned to the letter and quickly sealed it up with the royal seal, writing he name on it so she would know it was for her. He opened the window, which was directly above her and, brushing it against his lips for good luck, threw the letter down to her.

It floated down and landed right by her. He watched as she picked it up and looked up at where it had come from. As their eyes met Arthur managed to smile again while Gwen stared at him with her bleary eyes. She looked down at the letter again, and smiled, before rushing off towards home. After she left, Arthur reached over and closed the window again.

There is still a chance, he told himself. There is still a chance for us.

-

The castle seemed to have whined down after last night. Very few of the young nobility had bothered to wake up and Gawain was the only one who had risen without a hangover. Even Uther felt rather ashamed in front of his temperance nephew. On the other hand he knew this good behaviour would go as soon as he went home. He was certain of it. Even Gawain himself admitted he always behaved well when a guest in someone else's country.

Uther watched as Gawain practised for the jousting tomorrow, and wondered where Arthur was. The more he watched Gawain the more he believed Arthur would have to practise in order to combat him. The young prince was clearly at one with his horse, and it was a reliable horse; the way he manoeuvred it was remarkable.

"You certainly are an excellent horseman, Gawain" Uther said when the young prince had completed his practice.

"Yes," Gawain replied, beaming. "I am admittedly better on a horse than I am on foot."

"I see," Uther replied, smiling. "Arthur is the opposite. He's had bad experiences with horses; in fact his own horse has never been tame. He has had it since he was ten and it is always giving him trouble."

"My horse is very reliable," Gawain replied. "I've always managed to keep control of horses that are untamed. If I hadn't been born as prince I would have horse breeder, no question. They are remarkable creatures."

Uther chuckled, "When I was younger I was always fond of horses."

"You say that Arthur finds his horse difficult to control?" Gawain asked, changing the subject back to the joust tomorrow.

"Yes."

"Well, if he wants" Gawain said, dismounting his horse and giving it a pat, "we could switch for the day. My horse, as I said, is much tamer and it only just had his shoes redone so he'd have no trouble with it, if Arthur agrees, of course."

Uther was unsure of this. He had got used to the idea that everyone had a grudge against him and Arthur, and even their own family was no exception to this. But Uther straight away realised this was just paranoia. Gawain wasn't only noble but he genuinely seemed to care about Arthur. There was no question of his loyalty to him, something which would come in handy in the future when both Uther and Lot were dead.

"That is very thoughtful of you" Uther agreed. "I'm sure Arthur will be honoured. It might even the score between you both too."

Gawain laughed, "I'm sure Arthur will be fine."

-

Gwen had gone home to read the letter. She couldn't resist, he had caught her with her guard down. She should have ignored it, thrown it away, or burnt it. She should have gone home and burnt all of the letters. There were enough there to keep her fire going all night.

But the idea of burning them never crossed her mind.

She reached under her bed and pulled out the box she kept the letters in. Sitting on her bed she read it over and over again. All the time she tried to tell herself to be strong but she just couldn't think straight. All she could think about was the night before, feeling his lips run over her palms, her knuckles, her hand…

She fell back on her bed a sighed, her cheeks flushed from the thought of him. She rubbed her cheeks against her pillow; her eyes shut tight, as if she was trying to rub her thoughts clean from her mind.

She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, as if she could brush the thoughts out. But they were still there.

"Arthur, if the smug side of you knew what you were doing to me," Gwen said to herself, unable to contain a smile, "he'd be thrilled."

She picked up the box to put the letter away. The funny thing was that Arthur was right there when she got this trinket box. It had been given to her by Cador, the younger brother of the Duke of Cornwall; Gorlois, Morgana's father. It was as if destiny was tying them together.

Cador had almost been a friend to her father. He always boasted about it when he had had too much to drink. Her father had once made Cador a fantastic sword that Cador claimed had saved his life on many occasions. It was a tale Tom loved to regale his other clients with and, given most of them came only to have their horses' shoes refitted, they were very impressed.

It had been the year her mother had died. Cador was walking through town and Uther had allowed Arthur to go with him. As they walked passed people how greeted them, bowing to the young prince, only seven years old. Finally they reached Tom's workshop. In those days Gwen would sweep ashes and try to teach herself to read as she did. Before her mother died the two of them would learn together. Now, she was learning alone.

Cador had greeted her father, offering condolences, which Tom accepted gratefully. Then he spotted Gwen. "Hey, Gwen, I have something for you. I saw it in the market and thought you might like it. You could put little bits in it and keep them safe."

He handed her the box. It was worn now but back then it was a beautiful green box made of oak. It had a lock as well but Gwen had long since lost the key. When she had first seen it a small smile appeared over her lips. "Thank you, sire."

"That's beautiful" Tom had said. "Cador you shouldn't have—"

"Look inside!" Arthur had said.

Gwen looked at Cador, who nodded and smiled. She obeyed, turning the lock and looking inside. It was a small silver statue of a fairy. She picked it out and admired it. It shone in the cool spring sun. She still remembered how it shone. Her smile immediately widened.

Arthur had smiled, pleased with himself, and looked up at Cador who also smiled. "That is the first I've seen you smile in weeks."

As she ran her fingers over the little statue of the fairy, now tarnished from age, she thought of that day. It was strange but Arthur had always been so close to her, and yet so far away. She could have reached out and touched him at any moment but never could. Yet now everything had changed.

Oh God, she thought hugging both the statue and the letters to her. I love him. I love him and it's driving me mad.

-

Gaius walked down the familiar steps towards the dragon's cellar. As he reached the gates that led down to the cave he saw the gates were locked. Thankfully he still had the old key from the 'old days' when the dragon was first trapped there. He wondered why, after all these years, the gates had been locked. Maybe Uther found out people were paying the dragon visits.

Finally reaching the mouth of the cave he looked around for the dragon. "Hello?"

The loud flap of wings and the angry groan of the large lizard filled the air. He landed on his perch and stared at Gaius with his demonic yellow eyes.

"First Merlin betrays me," the lizard groaned, "And now you. Because you let what happened happen there is no stopping it."

"Do you mean Arthur and Gwen?" the old man asked.

"Arthur was _destined_ to love Guinevere," the dragon replied. "It was written in the stars, in prophecies, and in the old religion long before they were born Arthur would love Guinevere. She is his first, his last and his greatest love. It is not the love between the prince and the handmaiden that concerns me. It is Merlin."

Gaius scowled, "Merlin?"

"You failed to prevent the joust between Arthur and Gawain tomorrow," the dragon sneer. "Now his destiny is sealed."

"_What_ destiny?" Gaius asked.

He hated the dragon's inability to be exact. He couldn't help noting Merlin's dismissal of the dragon recently; he had always known that Merlin visited the dragon, the lizard as they fondly called it, but now Merlin made a point of sleeping with cotton wool in his ears.

"Merlin's fate," the dragon replied. "That is the destiny."

Gaius swallowed, "By fate, do you mean his death?"

"You needn't worry about it now," the dragon replied causally. "It will occur many years after your own death."

"But is that what you mean?"

The dragon swayed his head. "Not exactly; the fate Merlin will ultimately meet is a fate worse than death."

"Is there a fate worse than death?"

"It depends on your interpretation of his fate," he explained. "To some it is a gift but to others it is a curse. To Merlin it will be a curse, one he will not be able to escape from. He will meet this fate traitorously."

Gaius nearly asked who would set this fate on him or how he would come but it but he stopped himself. He knew the dragon would never tell him. Instead he backtracked to Arthur and Gawain, "What has the joust tomorrow to do with Merlin's fate?"

"When you see it," the dragon replied, "you will know. Maybe one day the entire story will come together in your head but it will be too late for Merlin."

Gaius decided this was enough for today. The dragon said this fate would come to be many years after his own death. Therefore he had to accept that maybe Merlin too would be old and nearly the end of his time. There was no use scaring Merlin now.

"Thank you," Gaius said sarcastically. "I can see you are as cheery and caring as ever. Good day to you."

On that note the dragon spread his wings to fly upwards towards the top of the cave before the chain stopped him and he flew to a balcony where he usually slept. He told himself, this strange creature, he didn't care that Merlin would meet this fate. He had betrayed him with the sword, after all. But the destiny was worth waiting for because either way he would ultimately win his freedom.


	10. Part 10

**NOTE:** It was coming up for 4:00 while I am finishing this chapter. I am very sorry it wasn't up hours ago but several things happened to prevent it making it up faster. Firstly is that my internet was down for a few hours, _Strictly Come Dancing_ finals were on (Great for Tom and Camilla – it's about time she won!) and I have the worst back ache in the world. In my defence I have never missed a date before, I got it up as soon as I could, and I have been tying non-stop for seven hours desperate to get this done. Have pity!

Extra long-chapter

* * *

Morgana lay in bed. It was clear from her face to any onlooker she was once again having a nightmare. She had her routine sleeping draft before she went to bed and mixed it with a cup of wine. But tonight it was having little effect. It was as if the dream was screaming in her head, trying to get through the barriers she tried to put up.

In her head she saw the images of Gwen again. There she was, wandering the corridors of the castle, looking weary as people passed by her. Then the dream jumped to the image of Arthur walking down the same corridor but in the other direction. There was nothing frightening about that part.

But then it changed again, started to pick up speed, started to show her images she didn't understand:

She saw Gwen looking out the window of her house; she saw Merlin – for the first time in this particular dream – throw a purse of money to the floor and it land at Arthur's feet. Then she saw Uther, his eyes clouded over with fury and anger, and inside those eyes she saw fire. She saw Gwen crying, the sound of Arthur as he frantically rides away from the castle.

Morgana tried to force open her eyes, but the nightmare wasn't over yet.

Then came the distant sound of horses riding, closer and closer. The face of Uther looking down at a flame; she could feel the heat of the flames against the nippy air that told her it was winter. The fire crackled loud in her ears, she could smell the thick smoke. The horses were getting closer and closer. The fire was getting higher and louder. She could hear a scream, uncertain whose it was. Maybe it was hers.

She could feel her laboured breathing as she began to wake up, but the images continued playing. She saw horrific images of burning flesh; people watching in horror, and Uther's eyes a blaze with an emotion Morgana couldn't read. Then she saw the image of Gawain, lying on his back, eyes closed as if in sleep. She could smell the horrible sweet stench of blood. The horses were riding closer, and closer…

The dream suddenly went silent as a pair of eyes opened, _the yellow eyes_.

Her eyes opened and she gulped the air. She could feel sweat trickling down her face and forehead. The images still plagued her mind. They were tormenting her even while she was awake. The image of the fire, the burning flesh and charred bones… she thought for a moment she might vomit from disgust.

Then she thought of the eyes again. That calmed her down. It always calmed her down. Ever since she was a little girl she would sometimes have dreams that completely terrified her. They were dreams that, unlike a lot of her dreams, had never come to pass. They were, as far as Morgana knew, were just nightmares.

As a little girl she would tell her father about them and he would warn her never to tell anyone about her dreams. Thinking back she realised, from the way her father behaved when she mentioned her dreams and little things Gaius said, her mother had suffered from those dreams as well. And her mother had seen the eyes too.

Before she had died her mother had told her that when she was older she would face hard times, but she need not fear as a creature she simply referred to as an 'angel' would look out for her. Not just her but her friends as well. When Morgana saw those eyes she wondered if it had been more than the comforting words of a dying mother to her grief stricken daughter. What if it was the angel?

Never mind the angel, she thought. First thing tomorrow I'm going to find Merlin and ask him what should be done.

Morgana took a fresh cup of wine and settled her head on her pillows again, thinking of her parents, anything to take her mind off the dream. If she calmed herself down and drank enough she might be able to get some sleep.

-

It was half past seven in the morning when the bright light that shone into room as the curtains were loudly pushed to one side awaked Arthur. He tried to convince his body to roll over and throw a hard pillow at the person who had violated his dreams. His body told him it was early, too early for him. Then again, it was too early for Merlin too.

He finally turned over and squinted his eyes to make out whom it was. It was Gawain, standing there with his hands on his hips. He didn't seem as cheery as he usually was. He actually looked annoyed. Arthur remembered what 'annoyed Gawain' meant: duck and cover.

"Gawain" he croaked. "Why have you invaded my room in the early morning? Have I done something wrong?"

"You abandoned me yesterday," the young man replied.

His blond hair reflected the sun's shine, making it look as if he had a halo around his head; it nearly made Arthur laugh.

"You said that you would be at the practises yesterday but you abandoned me, leaving me the whole afternoon with your father, and the evening. It was gone ten before I finally escaped. I get the feeling he doesn't quite trust me, you know."

Arthur sat up, "He doesn't trust anyone."

"I tell you it's hard to compliment him or you in front of him," Gawain replied, walking up to Arthur's bed and sitting on the edge. "By the end of the evening I'd run out of all the tactics my father had walked me through before I left home."

"Tactics" Arthur asked, still half asleep.

"How to get on the right side of your host" Gawain replied, managing to smile. "Anyway, I decided to get you up early so you could squeeze in some early morning practise."

Arthur smirked and rubbed his eyes, "Very kind of you, Gawain. But I'd rather have another half an hour in bed."

Gawain hit him with a pillow, "Come on! It'll wake you up. It's your punishment for abandoning me yesterday."

"I hate morning people," Arthur muttered. "And I didn't abandon you. I just didn't feel like practising. I don't now, either."

Gawain rolled his eyes, "Are you telling me that you think you don't need it?"

"No, I—"

"Look, Arthur, just tell me what's wrong with you," the young prince ordered. "Is it that girl of yours? You have to pull yourself together. The way you are at the moment I don't see you making a dent in any of your challengers today."

"Not even you?"

"Ouch, that's an insult," Gawain replied with a smile. "You maybe be better than me with your sword but not on a horse. It's the one thing I could always outdo you at."

"Is that why you challenged me?"

"Of course" the young man replied with a put on pride that was obviously a joke. The pair of them laughed. "No, not exactly, I just wanted to see if you'd improved. Knowing how to handle your lance is a useful tactic during battle. You can't go on avoiding it forever."

Arthur groaned, dragged himself out of his bed and stretched. "Alright, a quick run through. I _could_ do with the practise."

Gawain swing his legs to the other side of the bed like children did when waking their parents, patted Arthur's shoulder, and grinned. "Good man."

The chamber door opened and Merlin poked his head through. He had clearly been instructed to make sure the prince was up bright and early for the games. The 'show' as it were began at nine that morning when all the common folk would be putting on a song and dance before the swords competition and finally ending with the joust.

Arthur had only received one challenge to the sword fight, and one for the joust – that was from Gawain – and had hoped to get half an hour more sleep. No such luck.

"Get ready and I'll see you down in the courtyard in a moment," Gawain said. He gave Merlin a pat on the shoulder before leaving, "Good morning, Merlin."

"Good morning, sire" Merlin said with a smile. As soon as he was gone he turned to Arthur and smiled, "Good morning."

"Oh, God!" Arthur groaned. "I _hate_ people who are cheerful first thing in the morning. Hate them. First Gawain, and now you."

"Sorry, sire" Merlin said sarcastically. "I'll be sure to be miserable in the mornings from now on."

Arthur walked to the basin and washed the sleep from his eyes before he started with the daily attack on Merlin.

"Feeling better after Saturday night's drinking?" he asked as Merlin came stumbling up to him with his armour and sword over his shoulders.

"Yes, sire" Merlin replied. "Thank you."

"At least you're not too drunk to get me into the armour," the prince went on. "You have a hard enough job getting me into it when you are sober."

"Very funny, sire" Merlin said, rolling his eyes. "Hilarious, in fact. Do go on."

"Thank you, I will" he went on: "I _dread_ to think what you would do if you were drunk while getting me ready for a sword fight or joust."

"Probably 'accidentally' stab you with a lance or sword" the young servant retorted, but with a grin.

Arthur smirked.

It was funny but he never realised until recently how much he needed Merlin. It was never a manly thing to admit that you needed a servant but Arthur was willing to admit that he did. Maybe not to Merlin's face, but in his head he told himself he needed him. The reason was that, had he not been having this banter with Merlin, he'd be thinking of Gwen – then he'd want another drink – and then he wouldn't be focused for the sword fight or the joust. That was the recipe for disaster.

Handing Arthur his sword Merlin stepped back to admirer his work. "A work of art," he said with a smile.

"You don't have to patronise me."

"Don't knock it. All those lessons Gwen gave me about armour have paid off," Merlin commented with a smile. Then he realised he had mentioned Gwen. He looked up at his master's face to see it had gone from a grin to an absent-minded smile. "Sorry," he added.

Arthur looked at him and scowled, "Sorry for what?"

Merlin looked awkward, "Sorry for—"

"Stop looking at me like that, Merlin" Arthur snapped suddenly, seeing Merlin's sympathetic face. "Stop looking at me as if I'm… _to be pitied_. I can't stand it when you look at me with those pathetic doe-eyes."

Merlin looked away, "Excuse me…"

The mention of Gwen made Arthur remember his rejection. It frustrated him. It agonised him. It was tearing a hole in his heart. He couldn't help thinking in that moment of all the things he wouldn't be able to do. He'd never even _kissed_ her. At this rate he _never_ _would_ have a chance to kiss her; never hold her, never feel her, never make love to her and never tell her he loved her.

All of these things he would miss.

It was then Arthur realised he had just snapped for no good reason. He sighed and looked at Merlin. It was unfair to take it out on him, especially since he had gone to lengths to help him by giving the letters to Gwen.

"I'm sorry" Arthur said awkwardly. "I didn't mean to snap at you, it was unfair."

Merlin nodded.

"Gwen taught you how to put armour on?" Arthur asked.

"Yes," he replied with a smile. "Taught me everything I know about armour."

The prince smiled, "I suppose it's handy being friends with the blacksmith's daughter."

"It is."

"I imagine she could get me into my armour sober or drunk and not forget anything."

"Then maybe you should ask her to dress you in the mornings," Merlin retorted. He again realised the slip of his tongue. "You know, since you don't like what I'm doing."

Arthur sighed. A rather dirty thought had crossed his mind when Merlin said 'maybe you should ask her to dress you' and he had almost voiced it to the gullible manservant too.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Your services suit me fine, thank you. Run down stairs and saddle mine and Gawain's horses."

"Yes, sire."

"Should the day come when I require Gwen to dress me in my armour," Arthur added. "I'm sure Morgana would be thrilled to have you brush her hair, draw her baths and make her your famous rat stew."

"Made with the finest rat, bath water and dog's milk, I might add" Merlin said. Arthur laughed and Merlin smirked. "Do you think I'm joking?"

Arthur stared at him.

"Which reminds me," the young servant added. "One of the dogs recently had puppies."

-

Tom whistled as went around the house. Outside the window he could see people making their way out of their homes and towards where the Monday bank holiday tournament was to be held. The May Day celebrations had been for the nobles and the servants of the palace but this was the _real_ holiday for the people of Camelot where they could let their hair down and enjoy the day without work hanging over them.

He tapped Gwen's shoulder. She was sitting on her bed holding the little silver statute of a fairy, silent. She turned and faced him. He smiled and she returned the smile absent-mindedly.

"Are you alright, Gwen?" he asked.

She nodded, "I'm fine."

"It's just for a while now you seem to be… drifting," he said, his voice slightly concerned. "Especially for the last few days. Is there something you want to tell me?"

Gwen sighed and shook her head, "No, thanks, dad. This is something I need to figure out for myself."

"Is it?" he asked, sighing also. "Oh, Gwen, when I hear you say that it makes me realise that you're growing up. Soon you won't need me any more."

"Don't be silly!"

"Next year you'll be twenty-one," Tom went on, "and you'll be thinking about getting married and having children of your own. Then when that daft lad comes of age, you'll marry him, move out and… you'll be a grown up woman."

"That will never happen," Gwen said. "I mean, obviously I'll grow up but I'm never just going to move out and leave you…"

"Rubbish, you should!" he declared. "I want you to grow up and get everything you want out of life. And let no one tell you that you can't do it."

Gwen tilted her head, "Do you really believe that?"

"You know I do!" he said with a grin. He looked at the silver fairy. "Do you remember the day you were given that silver angel?"

Gwen looked at it in the palm of her hands, "Of course I do. The Duke of Cornwall gave it to me. Well, before he was the Duke, of course. Before Morgana's father died—"

"You keep that with you always," Tom told her. "It's always good to have an angel watching over you."

"It's a fairy, dad."

"They're good too," he told her. "You should keep that silver fairy with you always. And when you're a mother with a daughter of your own, you should give it to her. That silver fairy is one of our most prized possessions. It was given to us by a duke, after all."

"It means too much to me for me to ever consider doing otherwise" Gwen assured him. "And who says I'll have a daughter. I might only have sons."

"Then give it to them," Tom told her. "Only don't let the blighters sell it. I know what men can be like. They take after their fathers. Tell me, what sort of things will that daft boyfriend of yours bring to our family?"

Gwen rolled her eyes, "Do you mean Merlin?"

"Yes, what gifts will he bring to our blood, certainly not charisma. A good sense of humour would be nice."

She didn't want to hear more of this. Her father was still convinced that Gwen was pining over Merlin. When he mentioned Merlin it reminded her of Arthur, how she came to be in his life and how she came to fall in love with him.

It was one of the many reasons why Gwen couldn't find it in her to tell her father the truth. She knew he would only worry. It was all very well for him to tell her to get the most out of life – but he meant as a respectable married matron. Any hope of being a well thought-of little wife would be ruined if he knew that she had a prince after her.

"I'm going to work, dad," she said giving him a hug. "I'll see you later at the tournament."

He smiled, "Bye."

As Gwen walked to work she thought of all the things she would have to give up if she were to 'surrender' herself to Arthur.

For one thing she would never be considered a virtuous wife and mother. Once a woman becomes a mistress the whole world look at her with different eyes. Even a woman as respected and sweet as Gwen was. There was a chance she would never marry, as no man of her station would have her.

Another thing was that, even if she did manage to marry, the children she had would grow up with people tilting their heads and whispering about whether or not they were her husband's. Even if she did have a husband it would only be because he felt sorry for her or wanted to make profit out of marriage with her, and that would only be if Arthur hadn't got bored with her by then.

Deep down Gwen wondered if her father wanted her to one day settle down and marry Merlin. Whether or not he had picked up on her initial crush on him, he pinpointed him as a good lad who would grow into a good man. She even wondered if, in the end, she would end up right where she started only this time neither of them wanting to be there.

Gwen told herself that wouldn't happen. It wouldn't be fair to Merlin or her for them to live a lie.

Then she thought of the letter, of the behaviour of Arthur, how he had thrown that letter down to her like something of a romantic poem told by travelling minstrels. Everything in her life was becoming like story. Yet underneath it all there was she and Arthur, two real people experiencing and feeling real emotions.

The only reason she was careful was because she was too modest to admit the truth, and that was that despite their positions in society she loved Arthur, and Arthur loved her. She knew he loved her, she could tell.

She was just too shy to admit it.

-

After Merlin had saddled the horses he led them to the two princes who were waiting for him. He noticed that Arthur had mounted Gawain's horse and vice versa. He felt a bit sorry for Gawain because, as Merlin had complained to Arthur before, the horses (Especially that horse) were irritable and had bit him several times. The only horse in the stables that hadn't bit him yet was Gawain's horse.

Still, he thought nothing of it and wandered towards home.

As he did he wondered about Arthur and Gwen again, thinking whether her refusal of him on May Day would be the end. The prince had not asked him to deliver any more letters. In a way Merlin was very disappointed. He had thought he had helped two friends find each other. Now it appeared all that agony, all that wondering and all that waiting had come to nothing.

It wasn't Arthur or Gwen who were to blame either; it was society. If people were free to love and marry the one they wanted then maybe, _maybe_…

Merlin passed the stairs that led to Morgana's room. The sight of it reminded him that he still needed to find that spell used to help people with restless sleep. His chain of thought was broken, however, when suddenly Morgana rushed out in a fluster and panic. As soon as she saw Merlin, she screamed for him.

"Merlin!"

He span around in horror, thinking something dreadful must have happened. When he realised that Morgana was clearly still half-sleep, he put his finger to his lips, "Quiet!"

"Merlin," she began. "I had another—"

"_Quiet_!" he repeated harshly. He rushed up the stairs to meet her with a scowl creasing his forehead. She reached out to place her hands on his shoulders and he did the same, firmly, "You have to be quiet! Sometimes I think you _want_ to get us both killed."

She began to speak quickly, confused and disorganised. Merlin realised quickly that if a guard were to see it could mean bad news for both of them, whatever way the guard would read the scene. He put his arm around her and bundled her back into her room. He closed the door behind them and tried to calm her down. He wondered where Gwen was. She would know what to do.

He shook her by the shoulders, desperate for her to lower her voice, "Please, Morgana, control yourself. If someone hears—"

"…I could smell the blood…" she went on. "Three times in one night, it gets worse and worse every time, God help me…"

Unable to think of anything else to do, he moved his hands to her face and cupped it gently but firmly, and looked at her. "Morgana, calm down. That was a dream and this is reality. It hasn't happened… yet. Calm down."

She began to sob and buried her face in his shoulder. The images she had seen were burnt in her head literally by the fire she kept seeing. It made her feel terror and disgust. Both physically and mentally sick.

Merlin felt a bit awkward with Morgana's head buried in his shirt. The magic still seemed to surge between them, and the heat of her breath and the dampness of her tears were soaking through his shirt. It that moment he thought he could see what Morgana had seen; the fire, the blood, the flesh. It made him feel sick.

He placed his arm around her and tried to comfort her. At least now she wasn't babbling.

"I can't help you until you stop crying and start thinking straight," he told her.

She looked up, and stepped away from him. She felt ashamed by her behaviour. "I'm sorry. I woke up and I couldn't tell what was real and what was dream. I panicked and—"

"Morgana" he said. "You can't just wander around screaming hysterically because you had a dream, no matter how scary it was."

"So you're saying I should keep it to myself. Even if it could save a life?"

"That's not what I'm saying," he said defensively. "It's okay to tell me, or Gaius, or Gwen about the dream as you do it _without a scene_."

"I'm sorry."

"You need to have a little more faith in me," he finished. "If you don't then we'll both end up at the stake, maybe the same stake."

"Alright" she said, his criticism changing her feelings from panic to agitation. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Merlin nodded.

There was a moment of awkward silence as the two of them stared at each other. Now Morgana had calmed down she realised that she had only done so because she had come into contact with Merlin's magic.

He managed to hide his magic from Uther and the rest of the world despite the fact he used his little magic tricks every day and he was considerably more powerful than she. A lot of that was because he didn't run around screaming incriminating clues about himself. Except once when he was trying to save Gwen.

Morgana felt she was showing Merlin up by his association with her. Yet, while thinking about all of that, all she wanted to do was touch him. She wanted to feel the magic again. There was something very comforting about it. There was a connection between them because of it. It was strangely relaxing and, if she was honest, seductive.

"Was it the same dream?" he suddenly said.

"Sorry?" she said, coming out of her daze. "Oh, yes, it was. It was more sensual this time, though."

"How'd you mean?"

"I saw Gwen, Arthur and Uther again," she explained. She looked up at him, remembering. "There was something new in the dream too. I saw you throw some money to the floor. And I saw Gawain, lying white and cold, all around him were the sounds of horses."

Merlin tilted his head, "That's odd. I thought you said your dream was about fire."

"It is."

"So you saw it again?"

"Yes," she said, her face twisting in disgust. "I could see it burning, and I could smell it. That awful smell of a funeral pyre or a witch burning. The smell of thick smoke and smouldering flesh, painfully burning away…" she covered her mouth. "It was disgusting."

Merlin leant forward, "Do you think your dream is foreseeing something?"

"I think we need to stop the joust between Arthur and Gawain."

"Why?"

"Because I saw Gawain in my dream," she explained. "And he's going home on Wednesday. The joust is the only thing he's doing this week."

"But isn't your dream foreseeing an actual event in winter?"

"I don't know—I suppose," Morgana stopped and stared at him. "How do you know it takes place in the winter?"

Merlin cleared his throat awkwardly, "When I touched you—you were thinking about it—and I sort of… saw it."

She scowled, "You were reading my mind!"

"Not intentionally," he said defensively. "Sometimes when I touch people who are… magically sensitive… I pick up emotions and thoughts they are having. I don't make a habit of rooting in people's minds."

The two of them stood in silence. Merlin changed the subject: "That's where we need to start. It's winter and there is fire. That's the most important factor of your dreams. What do you think that is foreshadowing?"

Morgana nodded, "My worst fear is another purge."

"Like the one twenty years ago?"

"Yes," she replied. "It happened the year I was born. My father always tried to convince Uther to be easy on those who practised magic, and only punish those who had used it for evil. He wouldn't listen."

"There were purges in my country too the same year" Merlin replied. "Our king did it because of pure hate, not because of a personal vendetta. It happened the year before I was born though. Lucky me, eh?"

"I'd never forgive myself if another purge broke out," Morgana said. "And I didn't try and stop it."

"Maybe we should wait and see what happens," Merlin suggested. "We don't know what the dreams mean for sure yet. Even if it is a purge you foresee, it doesn't explain why you keep seeing Gwen and Arthur."

The lady nodded. She wanted to take her mind off the dream, and moved on to Arthur and Gwen. "Speaking of whom…"

"I take it you know, then?"

"That she rejected him, yes."

"It's not fair."

"Arthur's a big boy, he can take it."

"I didn't mean that" Merlin said. "I meant the only reason Gwen refused him is because she doesn't see how the two of them will work it out. It's not fair because if it wasn't for society there would be no stopping them."

"It's not society," Morgana said. "It's the fact Arthur is a prince. That's why Gwen is being cautious. I personally admire the fact that she won't be used as his plaything. There are plenty women around here that wouldn't think twice about their virtue if Arthur looked twice at them. It's quite pathetic, really."

"I think Arthur is taking it worse than you think. I look at him, and sometimes he's his normal, pratty self and other times…"

"…He's walking around feeling sorry for himself?"

"Exactly."

Morgana sighed, "I don't think she'll be able to hold out much longer; she really loves him, so much it hurts her. And if I know Arthur he'll never give up, even if it takes forever."

A terrible feeling came over them in that moment. They both knew that Morgana's dreams were eerily accurate when it came to foreseeing catastrophes. The dreams were horrific and not only left Morgana in a cold sweat but also feeling sickened by what she had seen. As if it were real. So if her dream was anything to go by _right now_ the outlook didn't seem bright for Arthur and Gwen.

"I need to be going now," Merlin said all of a sudden.

"Yes, Gwen will be here soon."

"I'll see you later at the tournament."

Morgana nodded, "Do you think I should mention something to Gawain, or Arthur?"

"If you want," Merlin replied. "But be careful because Gawain might say something to Uther without thinking."

"You're probably right," she said quietly before smiling. "It's probably nothing anyway. And I'm sorry again for earlier. I overreached."

"It's alright," Merlin said, returning the smile. "I would have done the same, probably. I'm sorry if I snapped at you."

She nodded, and watched as he quietly went out the door.

-

Gwen walked into the palace through the kitchen doors where she found some of the kitchen boys, male domestic servants, and male outside servants around the big table in the middle, spreading their money out. They were placing their bets; a common thing for these men to do whenever there was tournament. Chances are you would find someone daring enough to bet against Arthur winning all of his challenges. This usually resulted in them losing their money, but the odds were higher on betting against him if the fates were against him.

But this time there was the interesting combination. In the jousting there was to be a challenge between Prince Arthur and Prince Gawain. The servants didn't know much about Gawain other than he was good. The servants from Orkney boasted of his talents as a warrior and abilities to be a future king – but you could never trust foreigners.

In the corner she found Gregory talking to Merlin.

"I put money on a draw," he told Merlin.

"Oh," Merlin replied. "Do you think Gawain isn't good enough to get Arthur off the horse?"

"No, just wishful thinking" Gregory replied. "I think it would be interesting to watch to royal princes go flying off their horses and injuring themselves."

The two boys turned and smiled when they saw Gwen.

"How are you doing today?" Gregory asked. "Life treating you well."

Gwen tilted her head, "Well enough, thank you, Gregory."

Merlin smiled, "Are you feeling alright?"

Gwen knew he was thinking of Arthur when he said this. She nodded and smiled, "Yes, I'm fine. In fact I made a very important decision today."

"Good for you," Gregory said.

"What is it?" Merlin asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about," she told him, still smiling. "It's just something that is… important to me."

Merlin grinned, "Well, that's the best kind—"

He trailed off as he saw one of the older servants Edgar walk over to where the dog that had puppies was suckling them with a sack. There were only two of them. He reached out and took one, ready to bundle it into the sack.

"Hey!" Merlin said angrily. "What are you doing?"

"Getting rid of them," the old man replied. "We won't be needing any more of these mutts for a while. All the dogs we have are young."

"By 'get rid of them' you mean—"

"Get rid of them."

"That's not fair" Merlin replied. "They didn't ask to be born."

"None of us do," Edgar said, unfeelingly. "You young ones are all the same. It's the facts of life. I used to care about things like pups and cats and things but I learnt to deal with the fact that God made us superior."

Merlin glared at him, saying under his breath: "Be grateful your God didn't make the dogs a superior species."

"What was that?" the old man said.

"I was just saying it seems unfair to kill animals on a holiday" Merlin said. "Why don't you do it tomorrow? I need to take the dogs out for a walk anyway."

Edgar rolled his eyes and dumped the puppy back into the basket, "Alright. No harm in waiting until tomorrow I suppose."

Merlin gave him one last harsh look before putting the blanket over the dogs before returning to Gwen and Gregory. His face changed almost immediately from stormy to cheerful again. Gwen sighed; she remembered the first time she had seen Edgar get rid of a litter. She had done the exact same thing.

"As I was saying," Merlin said. "Decisions that are important to you personally are the best kind of decisions."

-

The crowds of people were cheering mindlessly as the minstrels and the jesters made their way along the streets entertaining the children who rushed to and throw as their parents wandered slowly behind, laughing. In the centre of town there were people playing instruments, leaping up and down for the adoring crowds as Uther made his way to sit in the royal box with a stoic look on his face.

Elsewhere to one side Arthur preparing for the sword competition by Merlin. His only challenge was with Sir Dinadin, so it was a reasonably easy challenge. He knew the only reason he was fighting him was because he pulled the short straw, literally. Merlin told him the other day that he had seen all the knights gather in the courtyard to decide which lamb would be led to the slaughter.

They wanted to avoid humiliation where they could.

The only real challenge was the joust. Arthur was, in all honesty, kicking himself for not paying more attention to working on a horse. He was certain the only reason Gawain hadn't got him off his horse earlier was because he was on Gawain's horse. That and he had the humiliating feeling that Gawain was 'going easy' on him.

"Nervous?" Merlin asked, handing him his sword.

"I hate that question, Merlin."

"Oh, sorry."

Arthur sighed and looked ahead while Merlin tugged at his tunic. Out of the crowds it took a moment for his eyes to focus. When they did he saw Gwen coming towards them out of the crowds. It took him a while to realise she was actually walking towards him. When he did realise his heart felt as if it had been dropped on the floor. He tried not to let it show but Merlin could tell by the way he tensed up against him while he straightened the armour.

Gwen stopped in front of him and smiled, "Good afternoon, sire."

He stared at her before he realised she had spoken. "Oh, yes, good afternoon to you too, Guinevere."

The pair of them stood in silence for a moment looking at each other. It felt like there was a sheet of glass between them. They couldn't reach out and touch each other… but that didn't make the longing any less real.

"Do you want me to go away?" Merlin suddenly said, breaking the silence.

"Oh, you don't have to," Gwen said quickly.

She turned to Arthur.

"I just…" reaching into a breast pocket she brought out a simple white handkerchief. "I know you are nervous about going up against Gawain in the joust… and that's fine… I just thought you might want to carry this for luck."

Arthur reached out and took it.

"It's not much," she quickly added, shyly, uncertainly. "But I thought you might want… something."

He held the kerchief in his hand. It was still warm from her body. As he held it a strange feeling overtook him, a feeling that told him he could do just about anything. If he had the support of Guinevere, he truly _could_ do anything.

He tucked it into his tunic and smiled. "Thank you, Guinevere."

Taking a daring risk, he looked around to make sure no one was looking, reach over to cup her cheek and kissed it chastely. But when she felt his lips on her cheek Gwen felt as if she might disappear into the ground or evaporate into thin air. Arthur on the other hand was just grateful that she didn't withdraw or be taken aback by his behaviour.

Gwen couldn't help chuckling before she walked off, "Yes… well… um…good luck!"

Arthur smirked and watched her awkwardly walk backwards, keeping her eyes on him. She nearly backed into a group of people in doing so. Once she was gone Arthur turned to see Merlin grinning too. He was so pleased with himself.

"Shut up, Merlin!"

"I didn't say anything!"

-

As could be expected the sword fight was a quickie by Arthur's terms. He knew exactly how Dinidan fought, and since he wasn't the best knight on foot anyway, he was easy to overcome. When he did the crowds still cheered although they expected it to run that way anyway, and he even let his gaze wander to Gwen who cheered enthusiastically with everyone else.

For some reason hers felt more genuine. Maybe that was because it was.

When the jousting began everyone cheered excitedly as the horses were paraded around while some of the 'simple folk' began to sing traditional songs of summer.

Morgana leant over to Gwen, "I hope Gawain will be okay. He's supposed to be really excellent on a sword but… well, you know what I'm like."

"They say he's good, don't they?" Gwen said, her voice a little nervous thinking of Arthur going up against him.

"He is good," Morgana replied. "Arthur was practising with him this morning and according to 'eyewitnesses' Gawain knocked him to one side several times."

"But he didn't get him off?"

"No, he was going easy on him," Morgana replied. "Part of me wants Arthur to get knocked off. It might teach him a lesson. He can get very big-headed sometimes."

"Yes," Gwen admitted. "But he is nervous about jousting."

"That's true," Morgana agreed. "Well, I'm not expecting him to set the world alight so it's better to be pessimistic now and be pleasantly surprised when he comes through without being thrown from his horse straight away."

Gawain put Morgana's mind to rest as he showed himself to be the brilliant jouster he was in his first two challenges.

The first against Sir Pelleas was over after two attempts to get him off the horse. The first time they were both hit with the lances, but on the second try Gawain got him by a powerful knock to the chest and Pelleas was off the horse straight away. He was unhurt and everyone clapped for him nonetheless as Gaius helped him walk from the track.

The second against Sir Lamorak was over in even shorter time. As soon as their lances crossed, Lamorak's was caught up in Gawain's and he was dragged backwards off his horse until Gawain's lance finally broke and he landed. Gawain dismounted his horse to help Lamorak up, he too more or less unharmed.

Gwen glanced up to look at Uther; he was clearly impressed with Gawain's skill but equally worried, knowing that the next challenger was his son. She then saw Arthur walk in to meet his challenge while Merlin brought over the horse. Gwen couldn't help noticing it wasn't Arthur's horse he was bringing. She had thought earlier that it looked like his horse that Gawain was riding during the jousts, and she had even admired how well he had handled it. That horse was notoriously 'jumpy.'

"Good luck," Merlin said as Arthur mounted the horse.

Arthur looked at him and managed to smile, "Thank you."

On the horse he reached into his tunic to make sure the kerchief was still there. He held it close to her heart and glanced over to where the courtiers were watching. His father gave him a 'good luck nod' and Arthur nodded back.

He then caught eye of Gwen. The feeling of love came over him again, but he told himself not to be distracted by it. He had to just try his best against Gawain… and try and fall gracefully rather than pathetically. He knew he'd never hear the end of it.

He would murder Merlin for accepting the challenge once it was over, win or lose.

Merlin handed him his lance, and Arthur knew it was crunch time. His one comfort was that the horse he was riding had a controlled temperament. Gawain had obviously worked closely with it.

Arthur rode the horse into position while Merlin rushed to the other end to stand next to Gaius, ready to meet Arthur should he manage to get passed the first joust.

He had noticed that Gaius had been watching the games with a sense of dread about him. He kept his eyes on Merlin as he stood there waiting for the joust to start.

"What's wrong?"

"You haven't done anything wrong have you?" the old man asked point blank.

Merlin stared at him, "I've been on my best behaviour! I haven't even used magic today… I don't think."

"You don't think?"

"I don't know. I can't remember _all_ my actions."

The horns played and Uther gave the signal for the joust to start. Merlin shut up straight away as the two men's horses came rushing up towards each other. The young servant watched with his heart in his throat. He knew Gwen was probably feeling the same too. He could tell by the way she was perched on the end of her seat with her hands held together as if in prayer.

The two men met. Gawain wasn't close enough to knock Arthur off, and Arthur was nowhere near close to knocking Gawain off. The two of them made it to the other side with nothing but broken lances. Merlin dragged over a new one for Arthur, and rushed to the other end of the arena, passing Gawain's servant as he did.

Once the two men were in position again Uther gave the signal and they went again. This time they went at each other at a tremendous speed. Gwen watched eagerly as the men drew closer to each other.

As the two men's lances collided Arthur was instantly knocked to one side, hanging on for dear life to his reigns while Gawain, appearing unmoved at all, rode to the other end of the arena.

Morgana gave a polite smile and clap, impressed by Gawain's abilities and glad he seemed to be winning, remembering the dream she had. Gwen gave a disappointed clap but she told herself that it wasn't over yet.

The horse Arthur was on circled a little, confused by his hanging to one side, but calmed down as soon as Arthur managed to sit straight again. The only thing that worried Gawain was the horse _he_ was on. Uther had not been kidding when he said Arthur's horse was untamed.

Gawain threw the broken lance to one side while his servant handed him the new one. Simultaneously Merlin handed Arthur another fresh lance. The weight of it nearly knocked him over. Arthur rolled his eyes and snatched the lance from him. He was determined to see this through now.

Again the servants rushed to the other ends of the arena and awaited Uther's signal to let the two men go. Uther was pleased his son had managed to stay on so long. He had half expected him to be knocked off the second time.

He gave the signal to go.

Arthur charged at Gawain with all the force he could muster. As the two of them met in the centre, the lance that Gawain was holding hit Arthur right in the chest, throwing him side ways off the horse. He landed with a painful thud on his side and a clang of his armour.

At the same time, however, Arthur's own lance had rather awkwardly got Gawain in his side. As Gawain fell side ways, trying to hold on to the reins, the horse panicked, reared up, and threw him off backwards. Gawain fell over the railings between one side of the track and the other, and landed on his head in a pile of wood and armour.

Everyone in the crowds gasped in shock. Everyone in the royal box stood to see the two men lying in the dust.

As he was closest, Gaius went up to Arthur first to make sure he was all right. Merlin rushed ahead of him while Gawain's own servant rushed to his master.

In the royal box Morgana handed Gwen a cup of wine, "Take this to Arthur. I'll check on Gawain."

The two women stood up and rushed out of the box towards the two young men. Uther watched as Arthur squinted his eyes, clutching his chest where he had taken a direct hit. Morgana knelt next to Gawain while Gwen rushed over to Arthur, Merlin and Gaius.

"Is he alright?" she asked worriedly.

"He's fine," Gaius said, checking where the lance had hit him. "It's just a bruise. It was more shock than anything."

Arthur hissed through his teeth, "You try it, then you can judge."

Merlin glanced over to where Morgana was. A small crowd was gathering around where Gawain had fallen. "I'm just going to check whether Gawain is alright."

"There is nothing wrong with you," Gaius assured Arthur, only half-hearing what Merlin had said. "Just give it a few minutes and then get Merlin to help you back inside—"

"Gaius!"

The old man turned to see Merlin motioning him over urgently. Something was clearly wrong.

He turned to Gwen; there was no point in the denying the relationship blooming before his eyes with Arthur and Gwen. He could see by the way she was cradling him, and making a fuss over him despite the fact he'd hardly injured himself. He could tell by the way Arthur swarm in his treatment smiling without a care of who was watching.

Gaius sighed, speaking to Gwen: "Help him up, get him inside and clean his wound with a rag and some water."

The old man then pulled himself to his feet and rushed over to Merlin, Morgana and the crowd. Something was very, very wrong here.

"Does it hurt?" Gwen asked Arthur as he managed to sit up.

"Not really," he replied with a brave smile, like a child who had just hurt their knee. "It was like Gaius said; a bit of a shock. I have never felt anything like that lance in my chest my entire life. He was amazing."

Gwen ran her hand over his cheek, forgetting for a moment she was outside in front of hundreds of people. Her dad was probably watching. She didn't care, though. She put her arm around Arthur and dragged him to his feet.

On the other side of the arena Gaius knelt beside Gawain. He instantly regretted not seeing to him straight away. He hadn't realised what a fall the young man had taken. Now it was clear that it had been a lot worse than he had thought. Gawain had not only been thrown backwards off the horse, but it stepped on him once or twice before running on. He had been thrown _through_ the railing, not over it. That was why it fell down.

"Gaius," Morgana said, her voice a panic. "He's unconscious and he's bleeding. I think he may have injured his head."

This was obvious to Gaius as Merlin held his neckerchief under Gawain's head. It was already soaked in blood.

Gaius motioned the men with the stretcher over and turned to Merlin, "We have to get him inside right now."

"Is it safe to move him?"

"Yes, now hurry, help them get him inside."

The men lay Gawain on the stretcher and carried him away from the arena, with Merlin, Gaius and Morgana following swiftly after them. The crowds watched both horrified and fascinated at the scene unfolding.

Gaius felt a hand grab his arm. He turned to see Uther, looking at his most concerned. "Is he alright, Gaius?"

"Prince Arthur?"

"Prince Gawain," the king said, his voice croaking. "Is he alright?"

Gaius was uncertain whether this was an uncle's concern for his nephew or a king's concern for his kingdom. Either way Uther had every right to be worried. For his beloved late wife's nephew, the son to her beloved sister, to be injured while his guest was devastating. For a crown prince; first in line to the throne of Orkney and unofficial second in line to the throne of Camelot – it was a disaster.

"I need to see to his head wound immediately, sire" the old man replied. "I'm afraid I can't waste time."

Uther nodded, "Of course, do what you need to."

Gaius followed on, rushing as quickly as his old legs would allow him, after the men carrying Gawain, Merlin and Morgana, who rightfully hadn't stopped to wait for him.

Arthur and Gwen came up at that moment. Uther turned to Arthur, now truly a concerned father. "Are you alright?"

"Just a flesh wound," the prince replied. "Is Gawain alright?"

Uther stood silently for a moment. "Gaius is treating him. He should be fine."

There was a short pause.

Uther spoke again, pointing after where Merlin had rushed off with Gaius, "Your servant has—"

"Gaius needs him more than I do right now," Arthur said quickly. He tried hard not to look at Gwen as he spoke so as not to give away anything to his father. "I'm fine. Gaius has asked Gwen to nurse my wound so I'll be fine."

Uther nodded absentmindedly, his thoughts clearly on Gawain. He gave orders for the entertainers to carry on with their acts for the crowds while he planned to return to the castle and await news on Gawain.

He waved his hand to let Arthur and Gwen go and the pair of them walked off. They silently walked towards the castle, arms around each other. As they did you wouldn't have taken them for a servant aiding her prince. They looked more like an old couple, clutching to each other, hip to hip, with nothing but each other to hold on to.

And they savoured every moment.

-

Gawain was taken straight to his chambers and laid on the bed. Merlin had tied his neckerchief around the prince's head. Gaius ordered the two men to go and fetch some things from his rooms before asking Morgana to fetch some water. Gaius knelt next to Gawain to assess what had happened to him.

"Is he going to be okay, Gaius?" Merlin asked.

"Fetch me those cloths over there," Gaius replied. "We need to stop the bleeding from the outside before we do anything else."

Merlin obeyed and handed him the cloths. But he wasn't finished, "This is my fault, isn't it?"

"What do you mean 'your' fault?" Gaius asked.

If anything this is my fault, Gaius thought.

The dragon had warned him something would happen at the joust, that Arthur shouldn't joust with Gawain. He still didn't see how Merlin's destiny would be affected by it other than it involved Arthur. Gaius had taken the dragon's words to mean that it would be _Arthur_ who would be badly injured. That was the real reason why he had checked Arthur first. He hadn't even stopped to think the damage might come to Gawain. It was foolish of him.

"I should have kept my head low at the masked ball," Merlin said guiltily. "I should have avoided Gawain at all costs."

"You weren't to know this would happen."

"Morgana saw this in her dream," Merlin said suddenly.

"What?"

"She saw Gawain lying white and unmoving in a dream last nigh—"

Morgana rushed in at that moment with the water. "Here. How is he?"

"If you could clean out his wounds, Morgana," Gaius said, avoiding the question. "It would be a wonderful help."

Morgana did as she was told, clearly shaken by what she was seeing. She had seen this coming, and hadn't been able to stop it. Merlin felt a coldness coming off her from where he stood. Part of him felt, in that moment, she was blaming him. She might have stopped this had he told her not to say anything. It was a horrible feeling.

Gaius took Merlin to one side. His face was filled with pending gloom.

"What is it?" Merlin asked, knowing at the back of his mind what was coming.

The old man sighed, "There's not much I can do, Merlin."

Merlin blinked, the water in his eyes burning them, "What do you mean?"

Gaius shook his head, "I can't stop the bleeding."

The young man took a panicked breath of air. The guilt was burning straight through him now. He should have listened to Morgana, or done something more to stop the joust. He should have never agreed to pretend to be Arthur at the masked ball. This was his fault. Even if it wasn't, it felt like it. That was the worst thing.

Merlin went up to Gawain's bedside. He was only faintly breathing. Morgana had her hand over where his fatal injury was. She glanced up to give Merlin a dismissive and almost accusing look with her sharp blue-green eyes.

Suddenly, Merlin knelt beside Gawain's bedside and cupped his face between his hands. Gaius moved forward quickly, "Merlin, don't!"

"I have to do something."

"Those men will be back in a minute. If they see you—"

"If it could save his life—"

"Merlin!"

Merlin ignored him.

He closed his eyes and began to whisper the words of a spell. He did it so quietly that Morgana couldn't tell what he was saying. His mutterings were meaningless to her and yet they felt as if they should mean _something_. She watched with apprehension as this enchantment went on, and on, and on.

After a while, once she had heard the words a few times, Morgana closed her eyes and began to chant with Merlin. All Gaius could do was watch. It was strange; this was a duo that he had fought to keep apart, fearing what the meeting of two minds such as theirs would do. Right now, though, watching them he hoped they would succeed.

Eventually Morgana gave up. She moved her hand away from the wound and sighed. She listened as Merlin kept trying and trying. After a moment she realised he was no longer saying the spell; he was talking to Gawain.

"Please, please" he said. "Wake up."

Gaius placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder, "Merlin, stop now…"

Merlin opened his eyes. At that moment Morgana looked up and saw them. They seemed to be invisible to Gaius but she could see them clear as day. It was the yellow eyes. She watched in shock as they shone. Then they were gone. They were Merlin's eyes again.

There was a small groan.

Morgana's eyes moved from Merlin to Gawain. The young prince opened his grey eyes and stared at Merlin. She stumbled to her feet, knocking over the chair she had been sitting on as she did, backing away in bewilderment.

"Oh my God!" she gasped.

Gaius, befuddled, stumbled over the Gawain to check his wounds. Although still there the bleeding had stopped and there were a few splinters in the back of his head where he had fallen but otherwise no other damage.

"Remarkable…" Gaius said, looking over his shoulder at Merlin. He couldn't help smiling. "You saved his life…"

Merlin felt a great surge of relief rise through him. He took a deep breath and looked at Morgana. Her eyes were fixed on him. They were filled with wonder, amazement, gratitude, idolisation, and every other emotion he could think of. That was what he wanted. Deep down inside himself, he had done it for her.

"My head is killing me," Gawain groaned in a sick man's voice. He had every right to given he was sitting on deaths door moments ago.

"Just relax," Gaius told him. "You had a very nasty fall. If it's any consolation it wasn't your fault; your horse reared up."

"I fell off a horse in front of my hosts?" Gawain said. "How embarrassing. I don't remember any of it."

"Mild concussion" Gaius assured him. He looked over to Merlin, "Go and tell the king that Gawain will recover."

"I should hope so" Gawain replied. "To die in my uncle's court would not do at all."

Morgana looked away from Merlin, and made a nervous smile. "Nice to see you have your sense of humour back."

Gawain looked at her and frowned, "W-who are you?"

Morgana stared at him. "Sorry?"

The prince smiled, "I was just testing. My sense of humour is defiantly on the road to full recovery, thank you Morgana."

Morgana sighed, and suddenly came face to face with Merlin again as he made his way out of the door. She stopped him in his tracks, staring into his eyes, as if she were looking for that power again.

Instead she reached out and took one of his hands. The power still surged inside him. She could feel it. It was the most remarkable feeling. She wanted to feel a part of that power again. It seemed to close she was to him, the stronger it got.

As if he were reading her mind he held her hand tighter, brought it up to his lips and kissed it. He was clearly trying to comfort her. He knew how her nerve took over her. Morgana convinced herself in that moment he could read her mind, and he had given her what she wanted.

He opened the door, let go of her hand and disappeared down the corridor, not looking back although he was tempted to. That moment felt as if it had gone on for hours when it had been no more than a few seconds. He had felt that connection too as he lay his lips on her hand. It defiantly got stronger when he did so. He wondered if there was anything else that could be done to make the link stronger. He had felt it when he was using his magic on Gawain. Both of them were touching him and he could still feel her power through him.

Morgana watched as Merlin disappeared out of sight. Her entire body felt weak and confused. Up until then she had completely underestimated the extent of Merlin's powers. Completely. Now she could see it all. The moment she looked into those eyes she felt a great emotion over come her, and she wanted to swim in it.

Those yellow eyes had been in her dreams before. Many times before and many years before, since she was a child. She couldn't even remember the first time she had seen them. For a long time she thought they had been cat's eyes. She had wondered if they belonged to the angel her mother spoke of.

And it was Merlin, all this time.

That meant that something in the world around her knew they would one day meet. Whatever divine force had sent her the dreams she received knew that she would one day come face to face with him. Maybe even her mother had seen them too. She had told her about a guardian angel, someone who would watch out for her. That was all Merlin ever did for people – look out for them.

Gaius watched as Morgana stared down the empty corridor, and realised what the dragon had warned him about. He didn't know what the fate was but he could tell it lay at the feet of Morgana. What was it the dragon had said: _'One day the entire story will come together in your head…'_ but clearly not today.

The dragon would be thrilled; this meant he would receive yet another meeting from the old physician.

-

Arthur sat in a chair by the window while Gwen knelt beside him washing the wound out. The lance had only really rubbed off the skin and bruised a small part of his chest. It was a bit embarrassing to think such a small thing had brushed Arthur clean off the horse. The wound was small but nonetheless it stung like most sores did. Gwen rubbing it with her kerchief hurt too, but he was willing to put up with that.

Feeling her hands tend to a wound on his chest felt pleasantly intimate. The tips of her fingers tickled the unbroken skin as they wandered slightly from their purpose. Whether this was accidental or intentional he didn't care. He wanted to savour every moment of this. He knew that the next moment could see her reject him once again, and he'd never get a moment like this again.

"Gaius was right," Gwen said as she washed the wound. "It isn't that bad once you wash the blood away. It's just a flesh wound."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?"

"Because that's what it is."

She picked up some ointment and rubbed some into the palm of her hands. Arthur tilted his head and smiled flirtatiously, "And what are you going to do with that?"

Gwen bit her lips awkwardly, "I was just going to rub some of it on your chest, sire."

"Don't call me—"

"But if you'd rather do it yourself—"

"Guinevere, stop being a servant for five minutes…"

Gwen stopped talking immediately. Arthur could say her name in a way no other person could. Every time he said her name it sent a shiver through her, from the tips of her toes to the hairs on her head, a shiver that told her to shut up and listen. It was one of the many things he could hold her attention with. Once more he _knew_ that he could get her attention by doing it, and that was why he very rarely called her 'Gwen' these days.

Gwen sighed, "Yes, Arthur."

He smiled, happy she had used his name. "I refuse to let that ointment anywhere near me until you start treating me like an actual person instead of slave master."

Gwen looked at him before breaking into a smile, "Alright. Then maybe you can rub it on."

"No," Arthur said grabbing her hands and bringing them to where the wound was, "it's on your hands now. We don't want to waste it do we?"

Awkwardly Gwen began to rub the ointment on the wound. Arthur hissed a little from the sting but managed to keep his eyes on her the whole time. He rolled his eyes, "It's so typical – as a servant you would have done this without a second thought. As soon as I make you an equal you're awkward."

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

Arthur smiled, "What the rubbing or the friendly banter?"

Gwen now rolled her eyes, unable to stop a laugh, "You're terrible!"

They both chuckled quietly before they fell into a silence. It wasn't an awkward silence but a 'meaningful' silence. A silence where they had many things they wanted to say but not knowing what to say first, who would should speak first.

"I love you," the prince said softly, as if his thoughts had been spoken without him realising.

Gwen finished putting the ointment on the sore and got up to wash her hands. Arthur watched her as she walked around the room, carefully washing her hands, gently drying them. The pain in his chest still burning with pain, but it was his heart, not his wound, which was the pain.

"Do you mind bringing the wine flask over here?" he asked. "I need something to dull the pain."

Gwen automatically obeyed and set it on the table beside him. Returning to her awkward station of servant she even poured it out for him automatically, and then moved to stand to one side. This was the moment Arthur grabbed hold of her wrist, firmly by gently. It sent a hot flush through the whole of Gwen's body. She wondered if he realised the power he had over her.

"Sit down" he ordered, in a princely way.

"No, it's alright…"

"Please," he said again, now sounding more genuine, "I want you to."

Gwen did as she was told slipped into the chair beside him. Her hands crossed on her lap she sat looking at him as he took a drink. He took it away from his lips and placed it down. He looked both irritated and anxious.

"I hope Gawain is alright," he said suddenly.

"I could go and check on him if you'd like."

"No" Arthur said quickly, realising that meant she'd have to leave the room. "I'd rather you stayed here."

Then came the silence again. The lack of knowing what to do was driving both of them insane. There was such a restraint on them. All he wanted to do was just grab her and kiss her, but a voice inside him told him he couldn't. Never had he listened to the voice before but right now he wouldn't dare disobey it.

He let out a frustrated sigh, "God help me, Guinevere! I'm going _insane_."

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

He leant forward, looking straight into her eyes, "Please, tell me what I have to do. Tell me what I have to do to convince you that I truly do love you. Tell me what you want me to do to convince you that my attentions are honourable. There has to be _something_. There _has_ to be!"

She almost didn't recognise him in that moment. He was practically begging her for an answer, something the prince wouldn't do. She hated what her worrying was doing to him. She realised then that her worrying about herself, her honour, and her reputation was selfish. After all they had been through he deserved the benefit of the doubt.

But it wasn't the case of 'the benefit of the doubt' – it was certainty of the honesty. She knew Arthur was telling the truth and it was her shyness that prevented her from answering.

She reached out and touched his cheek. In that moment they relived moments they experienced in the courtyard the night before last. He truly was touchable, had textures and was a person. He was a real person, not just a prince. She closed her eyes and all kinds of thoughts rushed through her head, innocent and dishonourable thoughts. But she just didn't care any more. He had her where he wanted her but she also had him where she wanted him too.

He moved forward while her eyes were still closed and kissed her. She didn't open her eyes when he did, instead placing her hands to his face to bring him closer. It was like the first spark of true contact, and they couldn't get enough. The longer the kiss went on, the more hungry and desperate it became. The less chaste it became, the more sensual it became, and there was no telling how it would end.

Merlin burst into the room without knocking, as per usual.

They pair broke the kiss in shock, throwing the other back in their chair, feeling exposed and awkward. Merlin stood feeling understandable awkward too, although he conceded that he could have walked in on much worse.

Arthur leaped to his feet and charged towards Merlin. He was furious, "Merlin, how many times do we have to tell you. **Knock** before you enter a room!"

"I'm sorry," he replied, out of breath from running and embarrassment. "I just came to say that Prince Gawain is okay."

"Oh thank God," Gwen said, feeling a little sorry for Merlin. "Have you told the king yet?"

Merlin shook his head. "No."

Arthur waved him off, "Then you best run off and tell him. Chop, chop."

The young servant could help a snort of laughter. He knew they were just trying to get rid of him. "Yeah, right. I'll tell the king."

As he left, Arthur was still annoyed at him. "When I get my hands on him a wring his neck!"

"Still, at least Prince Gawain is alright."

"I never doubted he would."

Gwen slipped her hand into his a smiled. "Neither did I."

The pair of them regarded each other for a short moment before Arthur kissed her again. This time it was with considerably more ease and certainty. The last time he was half expecting her to push him away. Part of him worried even then she would push him away and start to babble about society and their positions. Damn their positions.

Gwen was half expecting herself to push him away. But she just didn't have the strength to. Feeling him against her, the warmth of his body, the heat of his heart, and the tender feeling of his tongue caressing the walls of her mouth, she was completely over powered by two feelings. The first was her love, her overpowering love, which was like nothing she had ever felt before. The second was a new awakened desire, a shameless longing for him that weakened her muscles and overpowered her.

"I love you," she said, finally breaking away from him. "And I don't know what to do about it. I'd be a fool if I didn't think about the consequences."

Arthur sighed, and cupped her face in his hand, "We'll worry about that part when we come to it."

"But where do we go from here?"

"We'll just keep going," he told her. "Just keep going until we stop."

-

After Gawain was settled Gaius went home to collect some more painkillers to soothe the pain in his head. The panic was over and everyone in the court relaxed upon hearing both prices had escaped their falls scared but still kicking. He was glad to get home after what had been a very busy and tiring day. As soon as he reached his chair he fell into it with a great sigh.

He thought about earlier and that moment that had passed between Merlin and Morgana. In that moment the two of them seemed to acknowledge the other's abilities, and for the first time Morgana had seen with her own eyes how far Merlin's powers went. There was a deep wonderment inside her as she had come face to face with it, and she loved it. He didn't want to admit it but it a way she had reminded Gaius of someone.

Nimueh.

Her attraction to power was almost poisonous. Gaius had seen it with his own eyes twenty years ago. She fed off the power she had, and when no one indulged her for it, she turned her desires to hate and began to murder all that was good. But Morgana, Gaius told himself, would never go that way. She was too good. And with Merlin's help, he thought, she will learn to accept what she is and use it for good.

He heard a bark from Merlin's room.

He opened his eyes and looked over, wondering if he'd brought another statue to life. He could hear Merlin hushing the creature. Gaius stood up to investigate. He climbed the stairs to Merlin's room and knocked on the door.

"Merlin."

There was a clutter as Merlin came and opened the door. He made a guilty smile, "Hello, Gaius. How's Gawain?"

"He's fine" Gaius replied. He looked over his shoulder. "Merlin, why do you have a dog in your room?"

He shrugged, "What dog?"

Behind him there was a bark.

Gaius smiled smugly, "That dog."

Merlin sighed and opened the door to let Gaius in. The old man walked in to find, in the corner, the female dog that had given birth and her two puppies. He turned to Merlin, "Why are they in here?"

"Because otherwise that old coot in the kitchen with drown them in a well," Merlin replied. "And that's not fair."

Gaius sighed, "Oh, Merlin!"

"What harm will they do?" he asked. "Once they're big enough I'll just give them away to people who need a dog. Lonely people, people who need them for hunting or something. Everyone needs a dog."

Gaius rolled his eyes, "That's all very well but it still means we're going to have dogs wandering around the house until you get to that stage. And I know you – you'll get too attached to them. You'll give them names and…"

"Fine," Merlin said, folding his arms. "Then take them away and drown them yourself because I'm _not_ putting them back in the kitchen."

Gaius sighed, "I never said they couldn't stay here…"

The young man's eyes brightened up straight away. "Seriously, you don't mind?"

"Does it matter whether I mind or not?" Gaius said. "Bring them into the front room. It's warmer there. But they are only staying here until you find people to take them, alright?"

Merlin nodded, picking up the basket.

Sitting in the front room in front of the fire eating their dinner Gaius felt tempted to ask Merlin about his relationship with Morgana. How much did she know about him and how much had she told him. But would Merlin tell the truth? No.

"You ought to be congratulated," Gaius said suddenly.

"For what?"

"Those puppies aren't the only lives you've saved today," the old man replied. "You saved Gawain by stopping his bleeding with magic. That is something remarkable. I'm fast becoming obsolete."

Merlin shrugged, "It was no different from when I saved Uther."

"Nonetheless," the old man said with a smile. "Well done."

Merlin smiled too, happy to take to compliment. "Thanks, Gaius."

"I think Morgana was grateful too."

Merlin cleared his throat, "Think so?"

"Gawain is like a cousin to her and you saved him when I couldn't," he explained. "I could tell she was amazed."

"Well," Merlin began, thinking about earlier. "I felt as if it was my fault. Gawain nearly died and it was my fault. I felt guilty about not listening to her dream, so I needed to at least try…"

"And you succeeded."

Merlin smiled again, "Yeah."

Gaius picked up a bottle of liquid, "I need to take this to Prince Gawain."

"I'll take it," Merlin said quickly, taking the bottle. "You've been on your feet all day, it's no trouble."

-

"You gave us quite a scare, earlier," Uther told his nephew with a smile.

Gawain chuckled. His head was still sore from the fall but otherwise he was feeling much better. He also felt very popular while lying in bed as several knights and ladies had come to wish him well while he had been conscious.

"I didn't mean to scared anyone," Gawain said. "I just lost my balance on the horse and fell off. I'm more embarrassed than hurt, uncle. I'm dreading going home now. My brothers will never let me live it down."

Uther laughed. Beside the bed also was Arthur who was listening to the conversation, only occasionally finding time to butt in.

"If it makes you feel better we won't tell them how it happened," Arthur said.

"Ah, now that would be lying."

"There is no harm in a little white lie."

"My mother will wonder where I got this," he said pointing to the gash on his head. "She'll drag it out of me, master of conversation that she is."

Uther nodded, "Sounds like Anna."

"It's funny," Gawain said, changing the subject, "but Morgana warned me to be careful during the joust."

"Did she?"

"Yes, just a small 'be careful' before I went out" he explained. "Said it was 'woman's intuition' and she thought I should be careful."

"Sounds like Morgana," Arthur said rolling his eyes.

"It reminded me of my sister Elaine," Gawain said. "She often comes out with things like that. One time when I was going out with father for a hunt she came running out of the castle to warn me that I shouldn't jump any fences or I might fall off and hurt myself. It was a new horse that I hadn't worked with before and there was a high fence, and I couldn't help myself. Fell clean off and broke my ankle."

Uther smiled, "It sounds like Elaine has good intuition.

"I'd have thought it was common sense not to jump high fences on an untrained horse" said Arthur.

"And you've never fallen off a horse in your life," Gawain teased.

"I was ten years old at the time!" Arthur retorted.

Gawain nodded, "Yes, well, if mother doesn't get the truth out of me Elaine will."

The king nodded and grinned. "Your family must come and visit us one time. I would be wonderful to see them all again."

"You'd have a full castle," the prince warned him.

"It would be nice to have the whole family together," Uther said. "Wouldn't it Arthur?"

"Lovely" Arthur said unenthusiastically. "I _love_ family dos."

"You should come to Orkney," Gawain laughed. "It's a non-stop family do up there."

There was a knock at the door and Merlin stepped in, carrying the medicine from Gaius. He saw Uther and stood still, lowering his head. "Gaius asked me to bring this for Prince Gawain's head."

"Right," Uther turned to Gawain, patting his arm while getting up. "I just came to make sure you were comfortable and to leave this," he handed him a sealed letter, "with you. It's the letter I have written to your father."

"Oh, yes, I remember" Gawain said with a smile. "Just leave it on the side. I'll make sure he gets it."

"Feel better soon," Uther said, and he walked out of the room.

Arthur got up to leave as well. Gawain looked at him and smiled again, "Good to see you looking happier."

"Am I?" the prince asked.

"Hmm" Merlin said from the door.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Shut up, Merlin."

With that he stormed out of the room, giving Merlin a boyish punch in the arm as he did. The door closed and Merlin turned to the prince lying in bed. He stared at Merlin, waiting for him to say or do something.

"Where should I leave this?"

Gawain pointed to the table where Uther had left the letter, "Just leave it on the table."

Merlin did as he was told and the prince watched him. "Gaius says take it to ease the pain in your head."

"Thank you," Gawain said with a smile. As Merlin turned to leave he called out again. "And thank you for what you did."

Merlin turned around, "What did I do?"

"You saved me," Gawain replied with a knowing smile. Merlin turned white. "I take it Arthur doesn't know, then?" Merlin shook his head. The prince looked away, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you… used the 'm' word."

The servant didn't know what to make of this. First Gaius, then Lancelot, then Morgana, and now Gawain. It was amazing Arthur didn't have a clue, or Uther for that matter. But those two took Merlin for an idiot so it wasn't that surprising.

He nodded, "Thank you."

Gawain nodded too, "I understand why you don't want anyone to know. I know Uther has been strict on the laws of magic since Aunt Igraine died."

"Exactly."

"But I know a few people at home who have the gift," he explained. "I think my sister has a touch of it. Nothing like your powers, of course, just a… sixth sense."

"Really?"

"Yes, and I'm sure you've noticed Morgana has the gift too."

Merlin nodded again, "Yes, she's the only one other than Gaius who knows."

Gawain smiled and winked, "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

Merlin couldn't help laughing. "I only wish Arthur was as insightful as everyone else who figured it out! He seems to have the same attitude as Uther about it."

"He'll get there eventually," Gawain assured him. "He just needs to see that magic can be used for good. That time will come, Merlin. And I bet you'll be the one to change his mind."

"I certainly hope so."

"And listen," Gawain added. "I've already told Arthur this but if you never need any help all you need to do is ask. You can find me at Lothian most of the time."

Merlin titled his head, "I thought you were the Prince of Orkney."

"My father founded Lothian," he explained. "So vain he named it after himself. He sends me there to hold court – says it is practise for the real thing. The family spends the winter there as well. It can get very cold in Orkney at Christmas."

-

"So now you see why I warned you about the joust?" the dragon asked as Gaius appeared in the tunnel entrance. "Now the Lady Morgana knows the extent of Merlin's gifts his destiny is sealed."

Gaius was out of breath from walking all the way from home to see the dragon. Now he was to be bombarded with riddles and sayings, and he wasn't in the mood.

"Why didn't you tell me it would be Gawain who would be injured?"

"Because I didn't know for certain," the dragon replied. "I told you. I don't know everything. I only knew that Morgana would finally come to realise the extent of Merlin's powers."

"Gawain could have died if Merlin hadn't used his magic."

"I knew Merlin would use his magic," the dragon told him. "And I knew that Gawain would not die. It is not his destiny to die by a lance during play fighting. He is destined for something far greater."

"Greater?" Gaius repeated.

"Prince Gawain of Orkney" the dragon announced, spreading his wings. "One day he will be Sir Gawain, of the knights of Camelot under the command of King Arthur. History will know him as Gawain, 'The Perfect Knight'."

"The _Perfect_ Knight?"

"He will sit at Arthur's right hand as the first great knight of Camelot," the dragon explained. "He will be the first of a few to be declared 'the greatest knight of all'. He will never marry, dedicating his life to service, and will be Arthur's chosen heir."

"What a bright future," Gaius commented. "Nice to hear someone has."

"Alas," the dragon said, scratching the rocks with his claws. "A bright future often leads to a tragic end. The gentleness in Gawain's heart will be shattered by the ultimate betrayal of another knight."

"Another knight?"

"The man who will love Gawain the most," the dragon replied. "He and Gawain will fight a war brought on by this knight's betrayal and Gawain's shattered heart. And with his sword this man will cut down Sir Gawain, and his own soul be shattered forever."

Gaius stared, "I thought it was too good to be true. That you would actually have some good news!"

The dragon snorted, "These events will not be for many years. There is no avoiding them because the paths have already been set. No going back now. Like with that joust."

"But what harm can Merlin and Morgana knowing about each other's magic do?" Gaius asked. "Twenty years ago when she was born you told me then to keep her powers secret."

"And did you listen – no."

"Why tell me at all when I can't prevent these things from happening?" Gaius asked.

"Because there is still a chance the future can be made better."

Gaius stood, waiting for the riddle he knew was coming to come. "Well?"

"The futures of the four young ones in your life is closely intertwined," the dragon told him. "Arthur with Merlin, Merlin with Morgana, Morgana with Guinevere, and Guinevere with Arthur. Together they will do great things, but apart they will slowly destroy each other. There is a kink in the chain."

"Who?" Gaius asked.

The dragon was finished for today, and spread his wings to fly away. "You will one day see, before you die, who the kink will be. But that's all you'll hear from me for the rest of today."

He spread his wings and flew upwards, out of Gaius's sight, but certainly not out of mind.

* * *


	11. Part 11

**I'm sorry for not updating this before - the reason is because I have all these chapters on a memory stick and I kept leaving it upstairs when I was downstairs. I also had exams recently and I just had not time to put this up. I know this has been avalible on LiveJournal for the last week or so. If you are a devoted follower I suggest you follow the story there as updates are more frequent.**

**This contains spoilers for all of Series 1**. There is a touch of the Arthurian legend in this chapter during the Gaius and Uther scenes, and I'm screwing it about. I should work for the BBC. Also you are about to see a few examples of my _very poor_ Welsh skills. That said… they are much better than my Ancient British skills.

* * *

It was the big meeting of the Privy Council. The main topic that was on the members' minds was the celebrations of Midsummer, a minor compared to May Day but still an exciting date on the calendar for the younger members of the court, which had recently past without a hitch. The older members often wished they could just leave it to the younger nobility to make a mess of.

Once that was out of the way they moved on to more pressing issues, which was planning improvements to the lower quarter of the city.

Gaius had seen too many meetings of the Privy Council during his years in service to Camelot. He was always required to sit there on give his input over the issues of hygiene and city improvement in the lower quarter of town. One of the members stated that there had been complaints of looting, robbery and damage done in the lower quarters by 'people or person unknown.'

This was the issue that Arthur had been waiting to be brought up at the meeting. He had been hearing complaints about it for a while and yet nothing was ever done about it. Uther had always been more distracted by witches and wizards and other threats to the city. Arthur couldn't hold it against him. He knew witchcraft was an evil. Nonetheless the thought of Gwen living in the middle of a hotspot for crime…

"I think we should increase patrols in the lower quarters of the city," Arthur suddenly said. The other looked at him. "I know it goes without saying but I have had first hand experience of the crime down there."

"Was this when you were on patrol?" Uther said, asking the obvious.

"A few months ago," Arthur nodded. He then shifted awkwardly, thinking of the many _other_ journeys he had made to that area of the city – when he _wasn't_ on patrol. "Merlin and I came face to face with some of these characters. They attacked Guinevere—that is—Morgana's handmaiden—and tried to rob her."

Uther sat with his chin resting in his hands, considering the story. "Have there been any more recent cases?"

Arthur tilted his head. "We wouldn't be talking about it if it wasn't."

The nobles at the table all looked at each other, nodding. Uther sighed and nodded and turned to the head of the night watchmen. "Is it possible for you to expand the amount of guard around the lower quarters of the city?"

"It'll take me at least a week to overlook my numbers," he explained. "If I haven't enough numbers then I won't be able to expand presence in the lower quarters of the city without taking watchmen away from the upper quarters."

Uther sat back, clearly not keen to do that.

Arthur stepped in again. "The upper quarters of the city could be patrolled by the royal guard until you are able to find more men?"

"Then who would watch those of us _inside_ the castle?" Uther asked, without looking at his son.

"I highly doubt it would take more than fifteen or so men to patrol the upper quarters of the city," the prince pointed out. "If you don't mind my saying so, father, but the lower quarters of the city is considerably smaller than the lower parts…"

"And what if these the crime migrates to the upper quarters?" asked Ector. "I doubt the wealthier members of our fair city will appreciate the lack of protection on their property. It's all very well to have the royal guard patrol there, but I think they'd prefer the normal thirty strong night watchmen than only fifteen guards."

"If I might input," Gaius said suddenly. Uther nodded and he continued. "I think the prince's point is that the upper quarters don't need the extra protection for this situation."

Arthur nodded, "It is also unlikely that these thieves tormenting the people of the lower city will migrate to the higher city. These men aren't master criminals, just petty thieves."

He almost said that the idea of having fifteen of the royal guard patrolling the street would flatter the higher class of citizen, but he didn't from fear of it being thought as 'bad taste.' He looked to his father.

Uther considered everything in his head before answering. He leant forward, "I think we could try this idea as a… trial, could we not?"

The members murmured conceding it was possible.

"Then how do we solve the problem of the lack of royal guard in the castle?" asked Sir Caradoc. "I hate to point it out sire," he said looking at Uther bowing his head respectably, "but our dear citadel has hardly been… peaceful… over the last year."

"Neither has the city itself," Arthur retorted.

Arthur hated getting into arguments at the Privy Council but often the older members irritated him. He admitted to himself that his reason for wanting an increase of the guard in the lower quarters of the city was personal. He had seen some shady characters hanging around the area where Gwen lived, and he hated the idea of her living in environments like that… alone. He had nightmares of such people breaking into her home and doing unthinkable things to both the house and to her.

He grasped the arms of his chair. "I think that while the watchmen are in the lower quarters, and some of the royal guard are in the upper quarters; the knights of Camelot should be on guard duty."

There was a long silence.

Arthur went on, "Obviously I don't mean the elder knights. I am talking about the younger knights such as Kay and Percival. If I can go on watch with the watchmen then I see no reason the knights of Camelot can't patrol a corridor for a few nights a week."

Uther watched his son with interest.

"Let it be done," he said. "I will discuss the exact plans later this week with both of you," he said to the heads of the night watchmen and the royal guard. He looked at Arthur, "I expect you to find volunteers for the 'knight' watchmen."

There was a small snigger from the men at the table. Arthur nodded and smiled; he felt a small jolt of triumph. It was a small triumph, though. The greatest triumph would be to have Gwen in the same house as him, in the castle. But it was blind, wishful thinking. At least it was as long as his father had anything to do with it.

"Now," the king began, deciding it was time to move on. "I fear I now have some rather sad news concerning some of our allies in the north of Albion. They say war could break out at any moment. If a war were to break out between Claudius and Urien, then it would likely lead to a break in the engagement between Prince Claudius and Princess Elaine, as Urien is the brother of King Lot, and therefore Elaine's uncle."

The nobles looked at each other.

"Good riddance I say" said Ector. "Prince Claudius has been asking for trouble since his father died. I hope Lot sweeps up the blighter."

There was a faint laugh. "Be quiet," Uther warned him with a smile. "We don't want the ambassador of Gorre to hear you say that."

Arthur snapped out of his Guinevere-induced-daze and spoke up again. "I don't understand, father, are you saying that the breakdown in relations between Lot and Claudius is a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It depends on how you look at it," the king whispered quietly behind a cup of wine. He looked up and smiled, "We will have to wait and see how it all pans out."

-

Morgana sat by her bedroom window as the bright, hot sun baked her with light. She let out a great sigh and leant her face against the cold stonewall. She felt so bored. The only sounds there were was people talking outside in the courtyard, bird chirping outside, her own breathing, and Gwen folding away sheets behind her.

She looked behind her to see the hard working serving girl fold away bed sheets neatly and put away dresses carefully. Gwen rubbed the glow of her forehead from all the work and, instinctively, Morgana did the same although she wasn't doing anything.

"You're so good, Gwen."

"Thank you, Morgana."

Gwen continued with work while Morgana continued to watch her. "Where do you find the energy, Gwen?" she asked, a small smile appearing.

The handmaiden stopped and looked at her, smiling placidly. "How'd you mean?"

"I expect" she said carefully, "that Arthur keeps you busy."

If Morgana were to be more frank it would have been deemed improper, but she did wonder where Gwen found all her energy between waiting on her hand and foot, and having her head banged against a headboard by Arthur.

Gwen couldn't help laughing, embarrassed at Morgana's words. Morgana looked away as Gwen composed herself again.

She took a deep breath, "It's not exactly like that… what I mean is—well, it doesn't, you know, take up much energy…"

"I'm sorry," Morgana suddenly said, rubbing her eyes. "The heat is getting to me."

"Shall I open a window?" she asked, returning to the role of the docile servant. She finished folding another sheet went towards the closest window. "It's really stuffy in here…"

Morgana stood and opened the window she was sitting by. A momentary cooling breeze seeped in. She closed her eyes and breathed it in. As she opened her eyes again they focused on Merlin coming down the large steps of the main entrance. He strolled across the courtyard minding his own business. In the heat he wasn't wearing his neckerchief. Like everyone else he was just lazily wandering about trying to pass the day.

For all his powers he was completely unaware Morgana was watching him. She took a deep breath and leant her head against the frame. Everyone she looked she seemed to see him these days. Since that day when he saved Gawain after that joust all she could think about was that power. She wondered how such divine power could exist in such a naïve and adorable young man. It made her smile when she thought about it. He probably had the power to kill as well as take life, yet everything he did for other people was so good and selfless.

He even soothed her bad dreams.

He did one simple spell and not one bad dream for the last month or so. Afterwards he said maybe the reason they had stopped was because the event had happened – Gawain falling off his horse. Morgana wasn't sure. There was still too much left unanswered. She was starting to think that Merlin was right when he said the event wasn't due to happen until winter. Part of her wanted summer to stay forever, dreading autumn and winter. The heat was tolerable if it meant there was longer to wait for the nightmare to become reality.

But now without the dreams to threat over she found herself feeling bored; she was drinking just as much as he had been before he did the spell and the only fulfilling point in her days were when Merlin came to see her to teach her magic.

It wasn't just her desire to find out more about the abilities gifted to her. She just wanted to be close to him. The power she could feel from him got stronger and stronger the closer she got. While they were working she often brushed his hand, leant close over his shoulder so her face was closer than proper to his. Merlin was too daft to realise what she was try to do but he did sometimes squirm when she got a little too close to him.

She knew he could sense her magic too. For someone of his power it was probably twice as strong for him. But it wasn't just the fact they shared magic. There was something else.

"Gwen," she said, turning away from the window. "I don't have much left for you to do today. Is there any time you'd… like to be gone by?"

This was like code. Morgana knew that Gwen was probably going to see Arthur that evening, and they had probably set a time for their meeting. It was a subtle way of sorting the times. She could let Gwen go without asking her directly.

Gwen awkwardly looked away and started folding the sheets more awkwardly. "Um… I don't know. When would you," she paused and looked at her, "…no longer need me?"

Morgana pretended to think but she knew exactly when, "I'd say around five o'clock before dinner should be fine."

"Would you like me to return in the evening?" Gwen asked.

"If you aren't busy then… maybe you could pop your head around the door before I go to bed." Gwen nodded and went on with her work. Morgana watched her for a moment again before interrupting again. "Gwen?"

"Hmm"

"Are you alright?"

Gwen looked up and forced a smile, "I'm fine."

Morgana grew concerned, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," the handmaiden replied, stopping work again. "It's just…"

"Yes?"

Gwen sighed, "I feel so awkward."

"Awkward?"

"Like everyone is watching me," she replied, "Like everyone knows."

Morgana shook her head. "I'm sure they don't. At least Uther doesn't, and he's the one you want to worry about."

Gwen slumped into a chair and rubbed her face again. Morgana went over to her and settled beside her. Gwen sat in silence for a moment before she spoke. "I just feel like my life is hurtling ahead of me, after everything that has happened…"

Morgana straight away thought of Tom, "Your father?"

Gwen nodded.

She tried to think of what her father would think of her, were he still there. Would he have approved of her relationship with Arthur? Certainly not; his dreams for her were to marry well, someone of their own station but well-made. In fact he probably expected her to one day marry Merlin. Never in his dreams would her father have dreamed of her being the object of a prince's affections.

But what would he say if his ghost were to come back now and see her life?

"I feel as if," she finally said. "I wonder sometimes if I am compromising my… virtue."

"You mean by your relationship with Arthur?" Morgana asked. Gwen said nothing. "He hadn't… put pressure on you, has he?"

Gwen shot her a shocked look; "No, of course not!"

Morgana tilted her head. "So, what's the problem?"

"I keep thinking of what my father would think if he was still here," Gwen explained. "I wonder if… he'd think less of me. When he died, that was when Arthur and I… anyway, part of me wonders how my father would feel if he were alive to know what I've…"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Morgana told her.

"That's just it!" Gwen told her. "I'm not ashamed. I just… wonder. When my father died I lost everything. I have no family, no money saved. I couldn't even afford to keep my own home with what I earn in the palace. If it wasn't for Arthur I wouldn't have any of it. I'd be homeless or…worse."

It was Arthur who made sure she kept her job at the palace after her father's death, and it was Arthur who had paid off all her father's debts. The irony was that the debts that had been weighing her down were barely a dent in Arthur's pocket. Most women would die to have a rich man looking after them (let alone a prince) but, although she loved him, it also reminded her station.

Gwen took a deep breath. "But the fact is that now, in my life, there is nothing except him. When I'm with him I can forget about the troubles in life. I can forget about Uther, forget about my father's death, and forget about _everything_. I don't know. I wonder sometimes if…"

Morgana laid a hand on Gwen shoulder, smiling. "That doesn't matter. If your father were alive, he'd want the best for you. He'd want you to be happy."

Gwen nodded, looking away in thought. "Sometimes," she finally said. "I think Arthur is the only one that keeps me going."

-

After the meeting was brought to a close and the members began to vacate the room, Uther watched as the old men struggled to their feet as opposed to Arthur who sprang to his feet straight away. Arthur watched as the members shuffled out, tapping his foot, wanting to leave too.

"Gaius," said Uther. "I'd like you to stay for a moment."

Gaius knew bad news was coming wherever Uther wanted him to stay behind. If it wasn't the plague it was something to do with magic. If it was neither of those things it was always something to do with Arthur or Merlin or Morgana. Either way he dreaded it.

Uther looked at Arthur and smiled. "There is no need for you to remain. You may go."

The prince didn't wait for his father to change his mind and strode out of the room as quickly as possible. He had one or things to do because his evening meeting with Gwen, and he had to find Merlin to make sure their stories were clear.

Once the room was empty except for the king and the physician there was a long silence before Uther smiled his frightening smile, the one that assured you a wicked plot or plan was on the way.

"Sire," Gaius said politely.

"Gaius," he began. "I feel that as one of my most trusted subjects, and one of my oldest friends, you should hear the news from me first."

"What news, sire?"

Uther decided to hold on to the news a little longer. "I have been thinking recently, of the days of twenty years ago. Before that, in fact, when I first came to this land, when I first became king here, and when Igraine, Tristan and Gorlois were all still alive. I remember the day the De Bois family first came to Albion. Do you recall, Gaius?"

Gaius nodded. "I remember, sire."

"Yes," Uther nodded. "Igraine, Tristan and Anne-Morgause De Bois; Anna, as well called her. You wouldn't have thought that girl would go on to be one of the most powerful queens in Albion."

"I seem to recall that she was very strong-willed," Gaius replied. "You were glad when your brother-in-law married her off to King Lot."

Uther rolled his eyes, "Back then I was certain she would cause a scandal of some sort…" he swallowed, thinking of the rebellious and outgoing Anna against his own quiet and introverted Igraine. He finished, "I would never have taken her for the matriarch she has become."

Gaius nodded, "She grew up, sire."

"Yes," Uther said. He finally decided to come to the point he was building up to. "I won't lie to you, Gaius. The news of Prince Claudius's behaviour had pleased me greatly."

Gaius raised his eyebrows, "Sire?"

"For the last few months," Uther explained. "I have been exchanging letters with Lot and Anna about a possible match for Arthur."

Everyone knew that the Orkney clan were probably the most powerful family in the country, next to the family of King Pellinore, and the Pendragon family itself. It was also well known that Lot and Pellinore had a long-standing rivalry, and Uther always found himself in the middle of it with the help of Tristan marrying Anna to Lot. This rivalry had stayed strong over the last twenty years and both kings had tried to 'out breed' each other.

"Claudius is a long time enemy of King Pellinore, isn't he?"

Uther nodded, "Indeed, he is."

Gaius now saw why Uther was glad. It was known throughout the land that Elaine had been claimed by Claudius, much to many princes' and kings' disappointment, and had been thought a move against Pellinore – whose only daughter had joined nunnery, whose wife and two sons lived in exile in Uther's kingdom, and who had recently lost his nephew in that _unfortunate_ incident of The Black Knight. If Lot were enemies with Claudius then that would give Pellinore and Lot a chance to put their differences aside and fight a common cause.

"Do you suppose," Gaius asked, "that Pellinore will try and secure Elaine for one of his sons?"

Uther shook his head, "Anna would never allow it. They might make a weak and flimsy alliance between two of the younger children but Anna will never give Elaine to one of Pellinore's sons. Besides the only two old enough to marry her are Percival and Lamorak, and they chose to live here with their mother than in their own kingdom."

Gaius knew what was coming. "Does Lot already have a suitor in mind for his daughter?"

Uther smiled, "As if you haven't already guessed."

It wasn't like Gaius hadn't seen it coming. When Merlin had mentioned Elaine to him several months ago it occurred to him that Uther was fishing to try and secure her for Arthur to marry. There was no doubt that Claudius's betrayal was long time coming and Uther had been planning this match for a long time.

Yet, by his dismissal of Arthur just then it was clear he hadn't told the groom-to-be yet.

"I'd like to see Arthur married within the next year or so," Uther explained. "I have for a long time hoped it would be to either Morgana or Elaine. It is not only foreign policy I choose Elaine. It is personal also. I can tell that a marriage between Arthur and Morgana may not be as… effective… in producing the next heirs of Camelot."

Gaius nodded. "Anna is gifted with great fertility, so in all likelihood Elaine shall be as well."

"I don't want Arthur to go through what I did," Uther told Gaius. His voice was now breaking as memories of years without an heir, of Igraine stroking an empty womb, and of the cost it took to finally have Arthur flooded into his mind. "I don't want him making the same mistakes."

There was a long pause.

"Besides," Uther finished. "A marriage between my son and Anna's daughter; it is what Igraine would have wanted."

-

During the lunch hour before he was due to stand and watch Arthur throw his sword at a barrel of hay, Merlin decided to quickly find a transformation spell to teach Morgana. He had to find the simplest spell he could possibly find, the one for inanimate objects. Morgana had the potential but she also seemed to find it difficult to say the spells correctly, or remember them. He had just spent the last three weeks trying to show her how to light a candle.

After finishing making a sandwich for himself he put together left over cheese, vegetables and chicken from yesterday's dinner in a small bowl.

He looked up at Gaius as he came in. "How was the meeting?"

"Long" Gaius said, not in the mood to tell Merlin the exact details. He was certainly not going to tell Merlin about Uther's plans for Arthur. He saw the bowl of mashed-up leftovers and looked at him. "I hope you're not going to eat that."

"Of course not," Merlin replied with a smile. He put it on the floor. "It's for Howell and Fach."

As soon as the bowl hit the ground the two puppies rushed out of Merlin's room, down the stairs and into the main room where they began to scoff the food. Gaius lowered his eyes, pretending not to be moved by the adorableness of the pair.

Gaius snorted, "Incidentally when do you plan on getting rid of this pair. You promised me that you'd find a home for them."

Merlin tucked his book under his arm and picked up his sandwich. "And I will, within the next few days, go around and find homes for both of them."

The old man nodded, picking up a book. "One of them chewed up by book of the history of the Roman Empire throughout the centuries the other day."

The young man grinned, "Oh come off it, Gaius! You've grown attached to Howell, admit it."

Gaius sat down with his glasses at the end of his nose, trying to ignore him. "I don't know what you mean."

"I've seen you giving him food from the table even though you told me not to," Merlin accused him. "The reason Fach is small is because she's not spoilt."

"Merlin," the old man said firmly. "My point is that if you don't find a home for them soon we are going to have two fully grown dogs in the house. Worst of all they are male and female."

"I told you," he said. "I'll find a home for them. I mean Howell could just work with the other hunting dogs. Arthur and I lost one the other day."

"What happened?"

"It just ran off and didn't come back," Merlin said sadly. "It's not fair. I looked for it but…" he went back to the point, "I told Arthur that if he needed another one then Howell would do."

"Fine" Gaius said. He looked at the other dog. "That's Howell sorted, but what about Fach. She's took small and docile to be a hunting dog."

Merlin looked over at the small little brachet sitting in the corner nibbling a piece of chicken. "I'll find a family who want a dog, maybe someone in the castle – or a lonely old lady? Someone who needs the company."

"Good," Gaius said, looking back at his work. He was glad that his work would now be safe, although, he admitted, he had become fond of the two puppies. His looked up as Merlin walked towards his room. He eyed the magic book, "Studying, were you?"

Merlin turned to face him, looked at the book, and then back to Gaius. "Um, not exactly…"

Gaius sighed, "You're still teaching Morgana magic, then?"

He said nothing.

"You realise the dangers, I suppose?" he went on.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "You walked me through all of them when I first started teaching her."

"You didn't listen, did you?"

The young warlock sighed, working out what he wanted to say. It was hard to explain it to Gaius because it wasn't him with the power gift. Merlin wanted to show his gifts to people who understood. He wanted to pass on his knowledge to someone else. He wanted to share his knowledge with someone who had the ability to understand it.

"It's not like I'm teaching her my secrets," Merlin told him. "I never let her see the magic book and she only learns the spells I choose to show her."

"For now, yes," Gaius said, slamming his own book shut. "What happens when you run out of simple magic tricks to teach her? What happens when she gets bored with it?" Merlin shrugged. Gaius went on, "She'll ask you to show her one powerful spell and before you know it you're showing her everything to know."

"That's never going to happen," Merlin assured him. "I told myself a long time ago that I would keep the spell book to myself and that is the way it will stay."

Gaius sighed. He stood and walked over to Merlin, no longer angry or annoyed. "I understand how isolated you have felt before now, having your powers and yet having no one your own age to show them to. I know that even if Morgana knew every spell you do she wouldn't be able to match your ability because of your uniqueness. You have mastered the power of the elements. You have mastered the power of life and death… powers that magicians twice as power as Morgana could only dream of. I'm just worried that…"

Merlin looked at him, "What?"

Gaius smiled, "You're too trusting."

After a moment's pause, Merlin returned the smile and nodded. "Yeah, maybe I am. It's because I have faith in people."

The old man nodded, "It's good to have faith in people. Just… _watch your back_. Remember that despite Morgana being his ward, Uther would still execute her if he felt keeping her alive compromised the law."

"I know."

"And remember that Uther has suspicions about the two of you," Gaius reminded him.

Merlin's head shot up. "That was nearly two months ago! Has he said something—?"

"No," the old man replied. "He has other things on his mind at the moment."

Merlin stared at him. "Do you think he knows… that we practise magic?"

"No," Gaius said again. He turned back to sit back in his chair. "He probably thinks you're doing something…slightly different."

The young man stood, book underarm and sandwich in hand, staring at him for a moment. When he finally realised what Gaius meant his ears turned red in embarrassment. He looked away and quickly disappeared into his room.

"T-t-that's just silly!" he declared before slamming the door behind him.

-

The evening brought a cool breeze over the city. Gwen walked along the green area outside the castle. She closed her eyes and embraced the rustling of the trees, the low sunshine, and the snap of the grass under her feet. It felt too pleasant for words. After being stuck inside all day, an evening in the clear air was just what she needed.

She looked over her shoulder and saw the knights leisurely walking back into the castle with their arms around some of the young ladies of the court. They didn't notice her but she waited until they had gone before she disappeared into forestry to get out of sight.

Gwen wandered through the trees, further until she came to the clearing near the hill where summer flowers were in bloom. She sighed. Suddenly, she heard a rustle behind one of the trees. She turned and went over to see what it was. Looking behind the tree trunk she saw nothing.

She took a deep, frustrated breath and stepped backwards. At that moment someone came up, taking hold of her from behind. Gwen let out a surprised yelp as the perpetrator chuckled at the reaction. He kept hold of her, burying his face into her shoulder.

"It _never_ gets old," Arthur declared, kissing her neck. "Not many women squeal like you do, Guinevere. I like it."

She took a deep breath, relaxing against him. "Why do you always have to sneak up on me like that?"

"Because I enjoy it," he said simply, still smiling. "And – even though you won't admit it – so do you."

She eased her way out of his arms and turned to face him. They were still at a stage in their relationship where just the sight of him made her feel smitten. The feeling him close by, solid and real, made her feel her infatuation. He put her arms around her and kissed her.

Gwen sighed, still in the embrace, laying her head again him. "How has your day been?"

"Boring," he replied plainly, finding it difficult to even remember what he had done that day, "_Very boring_. I had that meeting with the Privy Council I told you about."

"How did it go?" she asked.

She was trying to sound interested, which was something he appreciated. Not many people understood the boredom that was entailed with the role of bring a prince. People thought it was all about glory and excitement.

"It was fine," he told her. "The only valuable thing I did all day was increase the guard in the lower quarters of the city."

"That's commendable of you," she replied, smiling.

"I've been thinking of bringing it up for a while," he explained. "After what happened to you… and those other stories you've told me, about what can happen if you go out at night…"

"I know," Gwen replied. "But there will always be crime, Arthur."

"I just wish that we lived in a country where people could leave their doors open for five minutes without someone looting money or food from them," Arthur went on. He put his arm around her as they walked further into the field. "Apparently it's worse in the outer regions."

"Well, they're under more threat," she replied. "Not just from thieves but from wild animals as well."

Arthur sighed and took one of Gwen's hands, grasping it between his palms.

"Was that all you talked about at the meeting?" she asked.

"No, there's more. One of our royal cousins is stirring up trouble in the north," he explained. "Nothing we didn't really see coming, apparently."

That caught Gwen's attention. "How'd you mean?"

"Oh," he said, forgetting Gwen didn't know much about foreign policy, in his ease with her. "Well, basically, my aunt Anna's brother-in-law's kingdom has been attacked by Prince Claudius. He's about Merlin's age and twice as daft."

He told her this with a cheeky grin. Gwen couldn't help laughing too even though she felt she shouldn't. She lay flat on her back and looked up at the sky, her body side by side with Arthur.

"You're mean," she finally said.

"Speaking of Merlin," Arthur said, lifting his finger as if making a point. "He and Morgana seem to be getting on well. Everything seems to be going 'full circle' with us four."

"Well, he serves her while I'm—"

"'Servicing me'?" Arthur finished. They lay in silence for a moment while Arthur ran something over in his head. A thought suddenly occurred to him. He turned his head to look at her, "You don't think they're…?"

Gwen looked at him, "What?"

"You know," he said, nodding his head and smirking, "…doing what we're doing."

They both laughed at the suggestion.

"No," Gwen finally said. "Not yet, anyway. I could tell."

"Sorry, it was a silly suggestion," Arthur agreed. "Merlin wouldn't know what to do with her."

Gwen stretched, "I don't know. If he was in the right mood, at the right time, in the right place…"

Arthur smirked, the idea hilarious. "Anyway, the ins and outs of it is that my uncle Lot is now enemies with Claudius, meaning he and King Pellinore—"

"Sir Pellinore's uncle?"

"And Percival's father, yes" Arthur replied. He lump in throat briefly appeared as he thought of The Black Knight. "Lot and Pellinore now share a common enemy in Claudius, meaning my father can go in there playing negotiator and no doubt get something out of it himself, though I fail to see what."

Gwen listened, thinking of what he said. It all sounded very complicated. All three of the men involved sounded like greedy land, grabbers. She didn't want to say anything against Arthur's uncle, so all she could think to say was: "Pellinore doesn't sound like a nice person."

"Lady Percival would agree with you," Arthur said. "I admire Pellinore for the warrior he is… but he does have a death wish. Then again my uncle Lot isn't especially nice either."

"Well—"

"I could hear your brain ticking away," he said grinning, "Trying to spare my feelings."

"Well," she said turning on her side to look at him, "I hate saying bad things about people I haven't even met."

"You're too good, that's why."

"Not _too_ good," she said, a hint of seduction in her voice that surprised even her. She almost started backtracking but she started laughing instead when she saw the expression on his face.

"What?" he said.

She placed her hand on his cheek, and smiled. "You look pretty when you're confused."

She leant over him, and he pulled her in for another kiss. In the evening, in the breeze, in the middle of a field of flowers Gwen felt it was bliss. Sometimes she wondered if moments like this were just dreams and she'd wake up in her bed alone. Feeling him against her, every sinew of him, it reminded her it was real. As he deepened the kiss, she placed her hand on Arthur's chest, smoothing down his tunic towards his stomach.

Arthur reacted by suddenly breaking the kiss to clear his throat, trying to hide his arousal, realising quickly it wasn't the time or the place for it. Or at least it wasn't the place. He quickly got to his feet and grabbed her hand to pull her to her feet. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" she asked, laughing.

"To… walk it off," he said turning to face her with a smile. "I'm at the risk of doing something dishonourable right in front of Mother Nature if we stay like _that_ much longer."

-

Morgana found it difficult to get the words of the spell off the tip of her tongue. In some ways her spell lessons reminded her of when she was younger and her tutors were teaching her Latin. She would struggle to pronounce the words then, and they would scold her for not trying hard enough. Merlin was nothing like her Latin tutor.

"When you say it," he explained, gesturing with his hand, "say it like you have a bread crumb stuck in your throat."

She did as he said, the sound coming out like a hissing cat with a cold. They both laughed. He tried to explain further. "Try and do it with an 'h' sound… _hun_ _arall_ _ffurfia_… and remember to picture a pear in your mind."

Morgana turned to look at an apple that Merlin had set up. The object was to try and turn it into a pear. He assured her that perfecting the changing of one fruit into another was the first step of changing stone creatures into living creatures, as he demonstrated the day before when he turned a stone dove into a real one.

"Right," she said, holding out her hand dramatically as if it would add effect. Merlin smirked, knowing he had been guilty of doing the same thing many times. She cleared her throat, "_Hun arall ffufia_!"

They waited for a moment but nothing happened. Morgana sighed.

"Are you thinking of the pear?"

"Merlin," she said firmly. "I'm thinking of nothing but pears."

"Okay," he said, trying to think of what to do next, "Try thinking of the apple turning into and pear. That often helps me."

She raised an eyebrow, "You do this often then? Turn apples into pears."

"Okay when I have a craving," he replied with a grin.

She shook her head at him and tried again, thinking of the apple turning into a pear. "_Hun arall ffufia…_" but still nothing happened, "_Hun arall ffufia!_"

Morgana looked at Merlin.

"Okay, let's try something different," he said, letting out a sigh. He looked at the apple and, without the dramatic pointing, said the words lyrically, "_Afal i mewn i ellygen…_"

On his word the apple warped into the shape of a pear like a mould of clay and set. Merlin stood, picked it up and brought it over to her. Morgana took it, briefly brushing her fingers with his and setting off the sparks again. As she held it she saw that it _had_ changed. Part of her felt frustrated that it was taking her so long to get it.

As if he read her mind, Merlin took the pear back and assured her: "It takes me a while to get spells too. I'd sit in my bedroom for hours trying to turn a stone dog into a real one…" Morgana tilted her head. He smiled, "Long story. In any case there is nothing wrong with taking your time with spells like this, okay? You're still new to this."

Morgana's eyes met his. She found it so hard to focus her mind on what she was doing. He was a good teacher, the only person to show her how to do these magic tricks… but his powers distracted her, and so did his face. In the evening sun he looked like he was shining gold. Morgana even wondered if it was his power she saw. She had to stop herself from reaching over to touch him, to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

Merlin waved his hand in front of her face. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm?" her eyes coming back into focus. "Oh, yes. I'm fine."

"What you should try…" he began. He moved closer to Morgana so that his hand was hand was cupping the pear along with her hand. She felt his power go through her. It was like static running through her forearm. Although she fidgeted a little Merlin didn't seem to notice. He looked at the pear, "Try turning it back into an apple. It's really easy—"

"As long as you know the language," Morgana croaked.

"Are you _sure_ you're alright?"

"Ye-_es_," Morgana said, recovering her composure. "What should I do?"

"Say 'ellygen at afal'," he told her. "You see that pear is technically still an apple so you can change it back easier than you can change it _into_ something. Now, try it."

Morgana took a breath, looked at the pear lying in the palm of hers and Merlin's hands. This time she did it the same way Merlin had done it; telling the pear to change rather than ordering it. "_Ellygen at afal…_"

In the palm of her hand she could feel the pear merge back into the shape of an apple. It finally changed back after a second and Morgana found that she was holding the same green apple it had been before.

"Now," he said. "Try the original spell again, 'afal i mewn i ellygen', okay?"

Morgana did as he told her. "_Afal i mewn i ellygen_…"

The apple turned back into a pear. Although only a simple trick it still impressed Morgana that she'd managed to do it. Part of her wondered if Merlin was doing something to help her along.

"Okay," Merlin said, moving his hand away and looking at her with a grin. "Why don't you try again, just to make sure?"

Morgana nodded, "_Ellygen at afal_."

The pear turned into an apple.

She bit her lip, saving the smile for when she changed it; "_Afal i mewn i ellygen…_"

The apple turned into a pear.

Unable to stop herself she squealed with delight. She threw her arms around him and laughed uncontrollably. Merlin was surprised by her reaction. After a few seconds she let him go. "I know it's just turning an apple into a pear and vice versa but after last week when I nearly set your hair on fire…"

"Yeah," he said smiling awkwardly. "You have to be careful when you're playing with fire."

He took the pear from Morgana.

"_Ellaygen at afal_," he said, turning the pear back into an apple, "_Afal nhrychu_." The apple broke in half in the palm of his hand. Merlin smiled, taking one of the pieces and biting into it. He gave the other piece to Morgana, "My lunch."

Morgana stared at him, "Show off. But then again, why ruin a talent like that?"

Merlin chuckled as they both bit into their slices of apple. The taste wasn't affected by all the shape changes it had been through. Morgana was half expecting it to taste like a pear from all the morphing the apple had done.

"How have you been sleeping?" Merlin suddenly asked.

Morgana smiled, "Much better, thank you. I haven't had a bad dream since you did that last spell the other week."

"I was glad to finally found one that worked for you."

"So was I."

"Can I ask you a question though?"

"What is it, Merlin?"

He glanced over at the half full cup of wine. "Why are you still drinking so much if the spell is working?"

Morgana swallowed a mouthful of apple and looked over to the side of her bed where the chalice stood. For a moment she said nothing. She hadn't really thought about. It had become a habit with her. She had medicated herself with drink and draft for so long it had become second nature.

When she thought out it she only drank when she felt low – whenever something annoyed her, she'd have a drink; whenever she felt down, she'd have a drink. Every time Merlin left after their lessons, not knowing when the next one would be, she'd have two or three drinks. It depended how late it was.

"I'm not becoming a drunkard, Merlin" she replied unemotionally. "It's just become a habit with me. You can't exactly claim superiority when you like a gulp of mead."

"But that's on celebrations," he said defensively, "Or on a Saturday night on the town with the others. I don't drink throughout the day."

Morgana rolled her eyes, "Only because you can't afford it."

"No, because Gaius keeps it locked away," he chuckled. He managed to get a smile off her. "I'm sorry I asked… I only wanted to make sure the spell was actually working and you weren't just sparing me from another failure."

"I'm not."

She said that firmly, firmer than she'd wanted it to sound. At that tone Merlin had clearly had enough and he got to his feet. "Clearly I'm starting to irritate you again…" he said.

Morgana stood as well, "No, you're not—"

"Obviously I am," he replied smiling, not taking offense. "You always start to get prickly when you're frustrated with me."

"I do?"

He nodded, "Yes, it's how I know I've outstayed my welcome."

"You never outstay your welcome, Merlin," she corrected him, "If anything you under-stay your welcome."

"I'd hate to see what would happen if I did outstay it, then!" he joked.

Morgana watched as he went towards the door. It was strange but every time he left a room she felt as if a bond had been severed. She didn't know whether it was the magic or something else but every time her lesson ended, she felt it; a nerve, a very small one at the back of her chest, right next to her spine, ached a little.

She glided across the room quickly and grabbed his hand. Merlin's head swiftly turned at the sudden contact. She just wanted to feel that power _one more time_ to set her up for the evening.

Innocently, Merlin smiled. "I'll see you… when I see you."

He slipped out the door, looked around for the guard and, seeing he wasn't there, dashed down the stairs. Morgana watched as he headed off towards the courtyard. She closed the door and went across her room to look out one of the windows. He walked across the courtyard and back into the castle, heading towards Arthur's room.

Morgana watched him until he was gone before she turned to the cup of wine standing by her bedside. She filled it up to the top and gulped a mouthful down. It burnt the inside of her nose but at least it calmed the nerve in her chest.

-

The evening was rolling in over the city of Camelot making the sky a white blue orange, typical of summer evenings. It gave a brilliant air of coolness to the castle, refreshing and pleasant after the glowing hot of the afternoon. Nonetheless the corridors of the castle were stuffy. Gwen blew a stray strand of hair away with her breath as she and Arthur walked along.

"This heat is starting to get to me," Gwen commented.

Arthur was eyeing the colourful bedspreads and white bed sheets that Gwen had insisted on picking up to take to his room. It seemed every time she walked down the corridor with him she always grabbed his washing to carry. It was as if she wanted to carry it around.

"Why do you always insist on stopping off for the washing?"

She looked at him as if he'd said something daft, "Since we are heading that way it seems silly to not. That and the older servants in the castle wouldn't miss a chance to tattletale on me if they think I'm loitering."

"Who are they going to complain to?" Arthur asked, keeping in stride with her. "Merlin is my servant, not you. He can get my bed sheets and my shirts from the laundry. It _is_ his job. It is what he's paid for. The way you always insist on getting the bedding it's as if you plan on changing it after…"

"Stop it!" she quickly said, hushing him. Her cheeks had turned red in the humidity. "We have to be careful or else someone might hear."

Arthur stopped and looked around. "There's no one here."

Gwen stopped too and turned around. "That's not the point. If it's all the same to you I'd rather keep the fact I'm your…" she tried to find the right word but she couldn't, "…um, _private_."

"I'm not shouting it from the roof tops!"

"I know but—"

He took her by the hand and led her into one of the small alcoves at the side of the passageway. They _would_ draw attention if they chatted about it in the middle of the corridor. He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked at her.

"Guinevere," he began. They way he said it was strange; partly serious and partly as if he was making a joke. "Before you and I became lovers you would _happily_ walk down a corridor with me whether you carrying my bed sheets or a wine flask or nothing at all. Just like Merlin, or any other servant. _It never bats an eyelid_."

"I should think not," she replied, managing to grin. "If people _did_ bat an eyelid when you walked down a corridor with Merlin I'd be worried."

He lowered his eyes, unwilling to admit _that_ joke had been on him. "My point is that we are only a brisk walk away from my chambers. It's not like we're on a suicide mission getting from the garden door to my bedroom."

Gwen placed her hands on her hips. "We could have been at your chambers by now if you hadn't stopped to give me this speech."

"We could have been in bed by now if you hadn't stopped to get the laundry!"

Gwen stared at him. There followed a short pause. Arthur cleared his throat and looked away awkwardly, realising what he said could have been considered inconsiderate. He was unwilling to admit it, though.

"Sorry," he finally said. "I shouldn't have said that. I think the heat is getting to me too."

"It's alright," she replied quietly. After another short pause, she smiled. "You seem awfully sure of yourself."

Arthur blinked. "Sorry?"

"Your estimation on how long it will take to get from the garden to your room to your bed," she said, tilting her head. "You seem _awfully_ certain."

He was just glad to see she was smiling. For a moment he was worried that he had started an argument. They had only argued once in the whole of their relationship when Gwen scolded him for giving Merlin unpleasant chores in order to get rid of him.

"Well," he said smiling back, "you'll have to time me one day."

Gwen laughed. "Maybe I will."

Peaking out down the hallway she stepped out of the alcove and headed off in the direction they had been going. Arthur made sure no one was watching before he stepped out and caught up with her. When they finally reached the door Gwen walked straight in, Arthur following at her back, and both stopped dead in the door. Merlin was in the room tidying.

"Merlin… you're here," Arthur said through his teeth. "For once you are actually here."

Gwen gasped. "You gave me a heart attack!"

The pair of them walked in.

"Why aren't you hiding in Morgana's room?" Arthur asked angrily.

"It's gone seven," he replied.

"Gone seven?" Gwen repeated. How long had they been in that field? She went over to the candle clock and saw that it was indeed gone seven. She rushed over to Arthur, "I'd better be going."

Arthur sighed. It seemed everything was getting in the way of his plan to have his wicked way with Gwen that evening. Taking out his frustration on Merlin would have to appease him for now.

"Fine" he said in a disappointed voice. He hated the fact that he couldn't even kiss her goodbye. Not in front of Merlin. All he could do was take her to one side, out of Merlin's ear shot, and whisper. "Try and come tonight, will you?"

"I'll try," she whispered back.

She gave Merlin a smile before she left, heading back towards Morgana's chambers. Once she was gone Arthur turned to look at Merlin. He had very thoughtfully put his hands over his ears to block out the conversation between him and Gwen. It just irritated Arthur even more. He was all ready, fired up with the insults.

"It's funny how you always pick your moments, isn't it?"

Merlin blinked, "Sire?"

"Whenever I need you, you're never here" Arthur told him pursing his lips. "And whenever I don't need you, there you are… with your plucky smile, _cluttering_ up my room…"

"I was _tidying_ it—"

"I don't want you tidying up things up unless I'm here to tell you where to put them," Arthur scolded him. He pointed at his bureau, "I can never find anything on my writing table after you've sorted it out; how am I supposed to find things if you _tidy them up_?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, _sire_."

The prince made a deep sigh and crossed his arms. He felt a little better after that outburst. He looked at Merlin again, who stood looking sheepish.

"While we're on the subject, Merlin," Arthur said. "When are you going to tidy up your room?"

-

It was already late in the evening and Merlin felt sleepy and his thumbed through the pages of his spell book. He'd had it over a year and yet he still managed to find new spell in it every single day. He made it about half way through the book when he stopped. It had never occurred to him before then that one of the pages was thicker than all those others.

Gaius knocked on the door and opened it. "I'm going to bed. Do you need anything?"

"No," Merlin said, rubbing his eyes. "Thanks."

The old man watched the boy as he trailed his fingers over the pages of the book, lying on his stomach, leaning his cheek against his hand. He looked like a child. Gaius never thought he'd have children or ever gain the responsibility of looking after one. There was no denying his strong, paternal instinct towards his young ward. He sometimes worried that Merlin would end up like him, that despite his great destiny he too would come to the end of his life childless and alone. The difference would be that there would be no Merlin-like boy to guide for him, because there was no one like Merlin.

Merlin looked up. "What is it?"

The old man shook his head. "Nothing, just don't stay up too late."

"I won't."

As Gaius left he looked back to the page he had been looking at. As he turned it over he noticed that the corner of the page was bent over, coming apart, as if it were two pages stuck together. Carefully he took hold of the two fine pages and tried to pull them apart. As the two came clear away he discovered there was a small piece of paper sandwiched in between the pages of the book. The piece of paper was sealed with wax.

Merlin picked at it with his fingers, unable to think of a magic trick that would removed wax, and slowly began to peel it open.

On the piece of paper there appeared to be a spell. It was written in old, almost ineligible writing. The only words that Merlin could make out clearly were 'Bucheddu', 'Addoed' and 'Cysgu'. Merlin yawned, feeling rather sleepy himself. He got up to slip the piece of paper into his coat pocket, so he wouldn't forget about it, and decided to turn in for the night.

As he settled his head on his pillow he wondered why the spell had been pasted between the pages. The way the pages had been stuck and the way the spell had been sealed with wax it was clear someone wanted to keep it hidden.

He knew it had to be Gaius. The book had belonged to him for an unimaginable length of time before he had given it to Merlin. The question was why. Gaius had made it his business to hide Merlin's magic but had encouraged him to use it when it was urgently needed. The spell had aroused Merlin's curiosity now, and decided he would ask Gaius about it tomorrow.

* * *


	12. Part 12

* * *

It was still dark outside when Gwen opened her eyes. She had trained herself to get up early from a young age, since she first entered servitude as a little girl. After following the norm for so many years it had become second nature. The difference was that even in her wildest dreams she would never have imagined waking up in a room that was actually warm, in a bed that was actually comfortable, and with the royal prince snoring quietly next to her.

Turning away from Arthur she rolled onto her back and closed her eyes again. She ran her fingers over her cheekbones, across her jaw line, down her neck, to her collarbones, tracing the parts of her body that had been kissed and touched. It reminded her of the days when such contact was only imaginary.

Sometimes she wondered if it was all madness. It was hard to believe that her entire situation wasn't imaginary. She realised the risks from the king and even her own friends by lying with Arthur. There were also risks to her reputation. But she couldn't help herself. There was nothing in her life to cling to except the knowledge that one day Uther would die and Arthur would be king. She knew one day she might be cast aside but she didn't want to think about that. There was such sincerity every time he held her, kissed her, made love to her and he told her he loved her that she couldn't imagine it being otherwise.

She opened her eyes, knowing she had to leave soon, and forced herself to sit up. Although she was still drowsy she wanted to get home undercover of darkness.

She located her clothes that had been removed several hours before, and quietly dressed trying not wanting to wake Arthur.

"Playing the same nasty trick?" his voice came over her shoulder.

Gwen span around; he must have been awake the whole time. "What trick is that?"

"You sleep with me," he replied with a playful smile. "And then you sneak off first thing in the morning without so much as a bye or leave."

Gwen folded her arms and smiled, "I have to get home. My neighbours will notice if I'm not there in the morning."

"Just say you were tending to Morgana," he yawned. "They needn't know you were 'tending' to me."

"If I stay here until morning Merlin will find us together."

"So?"

"What do you mean 'so'? Imagine how shocking it would be to turn up to work in the morning and find—" she paused and cleared her throat awkwardly. "Well, you know what I mean."

Arthur sat up, "It might do him some good. It would teach him a lesson. Maybe he'd actually knock before entering a room in future."

"If it's all the same to you I'd rather not traumatise him."

He rolled his eyes, "I don't know what you're frightened. Having Merlin as a servant has taught me to keep the door locked."

"I should hope so," she replied, turning to a polished piece of metal to fix her hair.

As she adjusted her dress she noticed a telltale love bite below her left collarbone. Thankfully she was able to cover it with her smock. She turned to face him again. "When did you give me this?"

Arthur motioned her over with his hand and she sat on the edge of the bed to show him. He leant forward to see, running his finger around the mark. "I'm sorry. I must have got a bit carried away."

"It's alright," she said, covering it with the cotton of her dress. "At least it won't show; a little higher up and it would have given the game away."

Arthur wanted to avoid the idea of 'giving the game away', so he changed the subject. "I think he needs someone, though."

"Do you mean Merlin?"

"He should be embracing his manhood," he went on. "He told me that he's never had a girl, even when he still lived in that village of his. I remember seeing plenty of nice girls. It's a real shame."

"He told me the same," she replied, thinking of her past confession of love to Merlin. She stopped herself straight away. That was the past and this is now. She certainly didn't want Arthur to find out their affair came to be through mistaken identity. "Maybe he hasn't met anyone he likes yet. There is no point in courting a girl for the sake of it."

Arthur yawned, "I envy him."

"Can I ask why?"

"He gets to spend _all day_ with you, rushing about the palace for my sort," he yawned again through a smile. "But when I want to see you we have to sneak around to try and find somewhere private. I can't even have you for a whole night because someone might notice first thing in the morning."

Gwen looked away. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry!" he said with a groan. "I have lived this way all my life. It is the norm. But now I have come to realise that my entire life truly is _public_. I just wish we weren't so restricted."

She felt the same. There were times when they passed in a crowded corridor that Gwen wished she could just kiss him in front of everyone without the fear of the repercussions. Every time their eyes met there was a spark between them that reminded her that she was part of a great secret. It sent a strange thrill through her that she never thought she would experience.

Gwen leant forward and kissed him. "Go back to sleep and I'll see you in the morning." As she started to get up Arthur grabbed her forearm, gently pulled her back and kissed her again. Gwen broke it with a chuckle, "I-I have to go now."

"I wish you'd stay a bit longer," he said, glancing over to the window. "I don't like you walking home alone in the dark."

"I've done it plenty of times before," she replied. "I'll be fine, don't worry. Remember there are extra guards on the streets tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You mean 'later today'," Arthur corrected.

Gwen nodded and walked towards the door. Unlocking it she peered out into the dimly lit walkway to make sure no one was there. She back looked at Arthur over her shoulder and smiled, "There's no one there so I'll make a break for it now."

Arthur was beginning to drift off to sleep again. "I told you earlier, it's not a suicide mission."

She slipped out of the door. Poking her head through the door again she saw that Arthur lying silently, asleep again. "I love you," she whispered before closing the door and leaving.

-

The ambassador from Orkney arrived in the mid-morning just as Queen Anna had promised he would. It appeared to the people in the city who watched him ride in that things went according to plan in the distant Scottish country. At least they did at Queen Anna's court.

The ambassador rode into the courtyard and was greeted by Sir Ector, who the king had specifically chosen to greet and lead him to his audience with the king.

The old man smiled as the ambassador dismounted his horse. "Ambassador Áedh. I am Sir Ector, the seneschal to the king, and on behalf of the people of Camelot I welcome you. I trust you had a pleasant journey."

Ambassador Áedh smiled and shook his hand. "Thank you, Sir Ector. The journey was pleasant enough, thank you."

"How long did it take you, if I might ask?"

"Just nine days," Ambassador Áedh replied. "We made splendid timing."

"Indeed."

Ambassador Áedh followed Ector into the palace towards the throne room. The servants stopped and watched as the two men glided passed them. Merlin, who had been making deliveries for Gaius, even stopped and stared. He remembered that Arthur had told him about the war in the far-north of Albion.

Ector announced Ambassador Áedh as they entered the throne room. At the other end sat Uther, surrounded by some of his best knights and Arthur. The red-haired middle-aged man, with a rolled up piece of paper under his arm, strode towards Uther who smiled pleasantly. The king stood and walked across the room to meet him.

Áedh stopped before him and bowed. "Your majesty, I bring greetings from Queen Anna of Orkney and Lothian. On behalf of her husband, his majesty King Lot, she hopes you and her nephew are in good health."

"Very well," Uther replied through smiling teeth. He knew that Anna was fond of Arthur, even if she was often at odd with Uther himself. "I hope that she and the children are in good health also."

"In perfect health I am pleased to report."

Uther put his arm around Áedh's shoulders and led him towards a door behind the throne, which led to the privy chambers. He stopped in front of Arthur, who the ambassador also tipped his head to.

"What news do you have on the conflict with Claudius?" the king asked.

"If it would please you, sires," Áedh replied, looking around. "The conflict is continuing as Claudius refuses to leave Rheged."

"Idiot" Arthur said under his breath. "In what position does that leave Urien?"

"King Urien has take refuge in Lothian," he explained. "He has mustered his army there and had joined forces with his brother and nephew. My king has broken the engagement between Princess Elaine and Prince Claudius. Furthermore King Pellinore has agreed to aid them in the war, promising them reinforcements should they need them."

Uther's smiled widened; it was just as he has expected it. "I am glad to hear that Pellinore and Lot have put aside their differences in the name of peace. However I am saddened to hear that Prince Claudius still refuses to make the peace and that his engagement has been broken off."

"I hope it doesn't escalate into a war," Arthur added.

"I think we're all praying for that," Uther said.

Arthur lowered his eyes. No king wanted that as he'd be running the risk of being dragged into the war too. He knew his father didn't want a war going on between his allies but at the same time there was _something else_ going on in Uther's mind. Arthur had a feeling that the ambassador had travelled for more than to pass on news; within the nine days it took him to get to Camelot the war could have been over!

His suspicions were aroused even further when Uther said: "Ambassador Áedh, I would like to speak to you about… the _other_ matter, if I may?"

Áedh nodded, "Certainly, your majesty."

"Which 'other matter' is that, father?" Arthur asked.

Uther turned and rested his hands on his son's shoulders, "When I am certain things are in order I promise that I will inform you of everything."

He turned to Áedh, and they walked off towards the privy chambers.

Arthur watched them leave, wondering what his father could be discussing that he didn't want him to know about. Any other day he might have pressed the issue further but he did not feel motivated enough to find out what his father was planning, and decided to leave it at that.

-

Morgana rose disgracefully late. Gwen had tried to raise her at the normal time but to no avail, and spent the entire morning working around her while Morgana lay dazedly in bed. She had all sorts of distorted thoughts rushing about her head – some were memories of her lost nightmares that Merlin had taken away, some were about Arthur and Gwen, and some were about Merlin.

Eventually she managed to drag herself up. The sun was shining high in the sky and the world below her was well underway. She could hear people rushing around the castle, hard at work. It made her blush at how late she was in waking. Even Gwen was nowhere in sight; she was probably on her hands and knees scrubbing a floor somewhere.

She sighed. It felt wrong to be giving orders to Gwen. She didn't want to ask too much. In some ways it was no better than Arthur's constant demands on Merlin. The difference was that Merlin could 'cheat', but Gwen had to do it all herself. A few weeks before Arthur had even scolded her for asking Gwen to clear out the fireplace all by herself when only the other day he had Merlin on his hands and knees doing the very same thing.

That was the pot calling the kettle black if ever it was.

She wasn't the only person who gave Gwen orders as anyone considered superior had the right to order her to do whatever they wanted. They weren't to know that Gwen was by all accounts Arthur's mistress. So really it was _his_ fault – he should be doing more to make Gwen's life more comfortable.

That isn't fair, Morgana thought. He does make her life more comfortable, but he can't change her job description.

She stretched and began to dress herself.

Her mind straight away went back to Merlin. She wondered whether she would be seeing him that day. She hoped she would, even if they didn't have a lesson. Morgana liked seeing Merlin because the sight of him made her feel… _cheerful_. He was helping her understand her powers, and teaching her to use magic too. It was comforting to know she wasn't mad in any case. It felt like her life had meaning.

She decided to go outside for some fresh air, to try and clear her mind of the foggy thoughts that had invaded her mind during her lie-in.

On her way to the garden she walked past the door that led to the privy chambers. From a distance she saw Uther step out. She stopped and watched, wondering why since there was no Privy Council meeting that day.

She saw another man – Ambassador Áedh – follow Uther out. He smiled at Morgana before turning to follow the king.

At the sight of this man a strange power overcame Morgana's mind. It blacked out. Her eyes were blinded to what she saw in front of her, retracting into her mind.

In her blindness she stumbled backed into a small alcove so no one would see her. Her heart was pounding in fear. The small part of her that could still think clearly wondered if what she was seeing would ever stop:

It was the fire again. The smell was vile and overpowering as it gulped all the air. It felt hot inside her head, against her face. The image of Uther was standing in the flames, looking certain and proud. She heard horses running closer and closer. She could hear battle cries. A new image appeared – a young woman with long blonde hair…

Morgana clasped her hands to her head and tried to force the images out. As her vision began to clear she saw the image of Arthur, then Gwen, and finally… her eyes cleared and all she could see was the opening of the alcove, light shining in from the windows.

Once she was sure the vision was over she pulled herself to her feet. She took deep breaths to calm herself down. Never had she had an image come to her when she was awake, only when she was asleep. It frightened her. The thought that these images would spring up on her unawares was too much.

Stumbling back into the corridor she decided to go straight back to her room. She wasn't going to risk it happening again in front of everyone. They would think she was going mad or realise her foresight. Either way it meant she _would_ be seeing Merlin today.

-

Gwen went out into town to collect some water. It was high noon and the pavement was on fire through the soles of her shoes. There was a long queue for the water pump, some people walking away with two buckets worth. There was even a guard standing by making certain no one wasted it by spilling it.

It took a quarter of an hour for Gwen to get to the front of the queue. She couldn't even pump it herself – the guard did it. Afterwards she offered him a polite smile, something he seemed grateful for as he smiled back, and made her way home to drop off the bucket before returning to work.

The idea of rationing the water on a hot day was funny given that Gwen had just used about three buckets worth cleaning the floor of the court hall. The king was even standing there with the ambassador, watching her scrub away at the floor alone. Her nails were cracked to the skin and her hands were dry.

She reached the centre of town where the market was when she saw Merlin wandering around with large basket. It took a while for Gwen to notice that in the basket was the little she-dog, Fach.

"Merlin" she called.

He turned around, smiled and walked towards her. "Afternoon, Gwen. Hot isn't it?"

"Scolding," she agreed. "What are you doing with Fach in the basket?"

"Oh!" Merlin said, putting the basket down and picking Fach up in his arms. "I'm trying to find someone who will give her a home. I gave Howell to Arthur since we lost one of the dogs recently but Fach is too small…"

"Yes, I know, that's why you called her 'Fach', isn't it?" Gwen replied. She reached over to stroke the little brachet's head. She loved dogs. Other little girls were frightened of them in her childhood but she had always liked them. "She's so cute!"

"Yeah, she's really cute," he agreed. "I'd keep her myself but Gaius will slaughter both of us if she chews up another one of his books."

Fach sniffed Gwen's hand and licked it. The feeling of the warm dog-tongue was both disgusting and endearing. She couldn't help noticing the pup's tongue was dry. "I think she's thirsty, Merlin."

"She hasn't had anything since this morning," he admitted.

"Aw," Gwen said tilting her head. "Poor little thing. Let's take her back to my house and I'll give her some of this water."

They walked the short distance back to Gwen's house. Once there she found a small bowl, filled it with water and placed it on the floor. Fach lapped it up greedily. Gwen then gave her some left over pigeon from last night, which the little dog accepted excitedly. The two friends watched as she gorged herself, wagging her tail.

They found it a good moment to talk about 'local news.'

"The ambassador from Orkney turned up today, did you see?" Merlin asked, sitting down at the table wiping his brow.

"I saw him about half an hour ago while I was cleaning the floor of the hall," she replied, looking at her hands. "He and Uther walked all over it. I had to do it twice."

"Ouch!" Merlin winced, knowing what that was like. "How do you cope with scrubbing a floor day in and day out only for nobles to walk over it?"

Gwen leant over and whispered in his ear; "I pretend the floor is the king's face."

Merlin laughed.

He couldn't blame her. He glanced over to the bare bed that used to be Tom's. If it had been his mother he'd be boiling over with hate. He was surprised at how well Gwen coped. Arthur was probably a great help to her; not only was he the one looking after her but it must have crossed her mind at least once that she was getting one over Uther too.

But then again it probably hadn't crossed her mind at all.

"You must get lonely," he said suddenly. "Here by yourself."

Fach finished eating and came over to them, sitting on Gwen's feet. She smiled. "Yes, but I get by. No need to worry about me—well—not that I thought you worried about me or anything—obviously, I don't assume that…"

"I _do_ worry about you," Merlin said. "Morgana does too, and Gaius, and Arthur more than any of us. We all worry about you."

"I don't like people worrying," she replied awkwardly.

Merlin looked around. He noticed that the cracks in the walls to fix were gone and walls repainted. Tom had always promised to do them but never managed to. "When did you get the walls done?"

"I didn't," she replied, picking Fach up to hold her on her lap. "Arthur had it done. Do you remember a month or so ago we had that heavy rain?"

"Yes, your roof was leaking."

"Arthur saw the damage," she explained, "and he had both the roof and the walls repaired. My neighbours were amazed – they must have thought I was having an affair with the local thatcher!"

"I'm not surprised!" Merlin remarked. "This would have cost you nearly two years' wages to do yourself."

"I know," Gwen agreed, and sighed awkwardly. "It's just one of the many benefits of having the prince for a lover, I suppose. I just don't like being made a fuss of."

"Fixing your roof was a necessity, not a fuss," he assured her. "He's just looking after you."

Gwen smiled, "I know he is."

She cuddled the dog on her lap as it affectionately buried its face under her arm. Merlin watched thinking he still had to find Fach a home. Then it occurred to him that he already had.

"She seems to like you," he commented.

Gwen tilted her head at the little dog and smiled warmly. "She's lovely!"

-

Uther led Ambassador Áedh through the privy chambers into a small chamber that Uther used to deal with small matters of state. Once there he closed the door and turned to Áedh. "The engagement between Prince Claudius and Princess Elaine has been broken you say?"

"Yes," Áedh replied with a smile. "Many of the princes in the kingdoms surrounding Orkney and Lothian are thrilled. The king was very keen to break the engagement with Prince Claudius… after reading your letter several months ago."

"I hope he did not begin this war over my letter," Uther joked.

"Fear not, sire," Áedh said with a chuckle. "Prince Claudius has had this coming for a long time. He took his engagement with the Orcadian princess for granted. She met him last Christmas and by all accounts was not impressed."

"I see," Uther said, curious to know more about the niece-by-marriage he had not seen since she was twelve. "And what sort of woman is Elaine?"

"A fine young woman," Áedh replied with a smile. "I can proudly say that reports of her beauty are all true. Moreover Queen Anna insisted on having her educated suitably; she is well versed in history, mathematics and the arts, and she speaks three languages fluently."

Uther nodded, "She has inherited Anna's intellect as well as her looks?"

"Yes, sire," Áedh answered. He took the rolled up piece of paper from under his arm and laid it out on the table. "The king has been occupied with the conflict in Rheged. Prince Gawain and the Privy Council to drew up some basic terms for me to present to you. I, in turn, shall present yours to Prince Gawain and Queen Anna."

Uther scowled over the piece of paper. "Could you summarise what is in this before I take it away and read it over?"

"Nothing too drastic, sire," Áedh replied. "The first term asks that the marriage be treated as a formal alliance. This includes trade, warfare, and so on…"

"Seems fair," Uther agreed. "What else?"

"All children born from the match are to be heirs to the throne of Camelot," he went on. "In return they will also be in the line of succession for Orkney and Lothian. It is also asked that the princess have a say in matters of the education of the children and that she maintain them in her care, with the exception of the heir apparent should you or your son wish it otherwise."

Uther nodded. "Is that it?"

"That's all for now, sire," the ambassador said rolling it up again and handing it to the king. "I can't say how it will change as discussions go on but, then again, that is between you, the king and the privy councils. If you would like to consider your terms I shall return to Lothian within a few days and present them to the prince."

Uther smiled, "Thank you, Ambassador Áedh."

"One thing I will ask if I may, sire?" the ambassador said.

"You may."

"King Lot was surprised at your desire for a match between Prince Arthur and Princess Elaine. He was under the impression that you intended to marry your son to Lady Morgana."

The king nodded. "I do not mind you asking this question. I realise that it must have surprised Lot when I asked after Elaine. There was talk of marriage between Arthur and Morgana at one time, but it is no longer practical. They have more or less been raised as siblings, and see each other as such too. That is not useful in the production of heirs."

"Indeed, sire." the ambassador replied with a chuckle.

"Moreover," Uther went on. "In times such as this there is very little to gain from an internal marriage."

"I couldn't agree more. Remind me, my liege, who is the current Duke of Cornwall?"

"Cador," the king answered. "Gorlois's younger brother. I'm afraid I am not as close to him. Ever since he became the duke he has shut himself off from everything like a hermit in a permanent state of mourning. I think he resents Gorlois making me Morgana's guardian, and not him."

"They were not close?"

"Quite the opposite," Uther replied. "They were extremely close. They would have fallen on their swords for each other, but Gorlois always felt Cador lacked it in him to be a father figure."

"I assume then, sire," the ambassador said. "That you will also be looking for a husband for the lady if you intend for your son to marry Princess Elaine?"

Uther nodded, "All in good time. In fact I already have one or two in mind, but I wish to see Arthur married before I find someone for her."

-

Gaius came home from his rounds having been unable to find Merlin. He wouldn't be surprised if Arthur was finding it difficult to find Merlin either. At least Arthur had enough energy to look for him whereas Gaius had long passed those days.

He walked into the room. It was quiet with no sign of Merlin or the dogs. Gaius realised he must have given them away as he had promised; Howell to Arthur and Fach to whoever took her. He actually felt a bit sad they were gone.

Looking across the room he noticed Merlin's bedroom door was open, the chaos of it exposed for the whole world to see. Gaius rolled his eyes, tempted to clean it up. Merlin awakened not only paternal instincts in him but motherly ones too.

He walked up into the room and straight away began to collect the disregarded clothing lying on the floor. On the desk there were pieces of wasted paper, some of it scrunched up with hardly any writing on it. That annoyed Gaius. He went over and collected it, thinking at the very least they could use it to keep the front room warm.

His eyes wandered to the bed, which was unmade, paper and books scattered on it. He double-checked to make sure that the book of magic wasn't one of them. Typically it was, hidden 'tactfully' under the paper, books and the bed sheets. Gaius snatched it out quickly to hide it under the floorboard where he knew Merlin kept it.

The book was open at the middle when he pulled it out. Gaius instinctively closed it straight away. It wasn't until he opened the floorboard that the significance of the book being open occurred to him.

He swiftly opened the book again to the middle.

The two pages that he had stuck together over twenty years ago were unstuck, and the piece of paper between them was gone. He had long since forgotten about it. Part of him wasn't even sure what book he had stuck that dreaded spell in, let alone that it was the old spell book.

The worrying thing was that if the spell was gone, someone had taken it. If Merlin had taken it then it wasn't a completely tragedy, but then again…

Gaius went into the front room and sat with his head in his hands. If Merlin had the spell somewhere in his room or on his person, he had to get it back.

-

"Calm down, what's the rush?" said Merlin as Morgana dragged him up the stairs towards her room.

He had been walking along minding his own business while taking some blankets that had been dumped on him from one end of the castle to another. It was an annoyingly pointless task and one he wasn't sorry to be pulled away from.

It was still quite startling to find he was once again being accosted and tugged into dark rooms by the king's strange and hysterical ward.

Reaching her bedroom door Morgana bundled the warlock inside, making sure there were no guards outside the door before locking it.

Once inside she sighed, "Sorry but you can't be too certain. I don't know whether Uther is still suspicious of us or not."

"You don't think he's catching on to the fact we're…" he began, trying to find a reason for Morgana's erratic behaviour. "You know, using the 'm' word."

A small smile appeared in the corner of Morgana's mouth. "You're starting to sound like Gawain. He calls it the 'm' word too."

"Either way, is that why you look like you've met eyes with the questing beast?" he asked.

Morgana turned away to pour herself out a goblet of wine. She filled it to the brim and took a deep gulp.

Merlin watched disapprovingly. "Still drinking, I see."

"I was drinking yesterday," she replied. "Why should anything have changed within twenty-four hours? The difference is that I have a reason to drink today."

Merlin stumbled into a chair. "You mean he is—"

"No, Merlin, this has nothing to do with Uther…" she paused, and sat beside him, "At least not completely to do with him."

He sighed, "So he _doesn't_ know we're using magic?"

"No, Merlin," she replied certainly. "I pretty sure that if he thinks we're doing anything, it's certainly not magic."

"Yes, you said that before."

He looked at the cup of wine and took it from Morgana's hand to put it to one side. "I know you think I'm a hypocrite but there is a difference between enjoying a social drink and using it to medicate yourself."

"Have you never drunk to soothe pain?"

"Only to dull it," Merlin replied. "Gaius gives it to me after Arthur has whacked me around during training. Now, what's wrong?" Morgana sat in silence. He leant closer to her realising it was serious. "What is it?"

The moment he moved closer the power that pulsed through him seeped into her. For a moment she was frightened the vision was coming back again before she realised it was just the magic again.

"You had another dream, didn't you?" he said.

"No," she replied. "That's the problem. I haven't had a dream since you did that spell to relieve nightmares. But it's having… side-effects."

"Such as?"

"Today, I saw a part of the dream while I was awake."

There was a short pause.

"Like the things you see in your dream?" he asked, thinking of nothing else to say.

"Just part of it," she explained.

"What part?"

"When I saw the Orcadian ambassador," she finished. "I saw the fire, the horses riding closer and closer. I saw Gwen again. And Uther. Arthur too. It was quick but it was more than a memory… it was a vision."

Merlin pondered a moment. "Do you suppose your dreams have been about the war that's going on in Rheged?"

"There must be more to it than that. I keep seeing Gwen, and Arthur, and…"

He tilted his head. "Yes?"

"Sometimes…I see you."

"Me?"

"I see your eyes," she explained, managing to smile. "Not your eyes as they are now but as they are when you do… the "m" word."

Merlin smiled, flattered that Morgana saw him in her dreams. "I see your point; what would the war in Rheged have to do with Arthur or Gwen?"

"The fact it happened when I saw the ambassador suggests it is being put into place _right now_."

"What is the ambassador from Orkney doing here, anyway?"

"Uther is keeping it all quiet," she explained. "Officially he's only here to talk of the war but I have a horrid feeling…"

He leant forward, "What?"

Morgana didn't want to say. "I want to have the spell removed," she ordered. "I want to dream again."

Merlin made no objection. "I think it's the best way. Maybe, if you have your dream, we can make notes on what you see and figure out what it means."

She nodded. "I don't know where I am these days, and I feel bad asking this of you, after everything you've done. I thought things would be better if the dreams stopped but they're not. It's just worse. I feel as if, as if…"

"Your powers are being compromised?" he finished.

They stared at each other. It was _exactly_ what she meant.

She smiled, "I feel as if I've lost a limb."

Merlin chuckled, "I know what you mean."

He stood and began pacing the room. "When I first came to Camelot Gaius was always telling me to keep out of trouble—which is difficult when your master is a dim-witted idiot—and sometimes I'd just want to…to scream at the top of my lungs 'I'm a warlock!' and show everyone how magic could be used for good. I wanted to solve _everything _with magic…"

Morgana's smile widened. "How do you feel now?"

"I still feel the same," he told her. He strode back to the chest they were sitting on and gave her an honest look. "I had to learn that magic couldn't be used to do everything. I admit I still cut corners with it but that's only because I'm so lazy…"

They both chuckled.

"But," his voice becoming frank, "I also had to learn that there is a right and wrong way of doing things. I know I get angry when you rush around the place screaming about your dreams…"

"Yes, you do," Morgana said, equally frank.

"But it's only because I'm worried about you."

There was a long, drawn out pause as they looked away from each other to stare into open space; the window in front of them was shining with orange sundown and the sound of birds singing evening song swan lazily in.

"I never thought…" Merlin began.

Morgana looked at him. "Yes?"

"I never thought that I'd meet another person like me," he finished.

"You still haven't, really. My powers are nothing special in comparison to yours; making objects stop in mid air just by looking at them."

"You can do something I can't," he replied with his trademark smile. "I can't see the future in my dreams. If I did then I'd be one step ahead of Arthur's enemies."

Morgana chuckled, "Maybe you do have the sight and you just don't know it."

"I think I would have noticed the way you describe it."

"They say that only bad people have bad thoughts. You're a good person, so maybe you foresee the good things. I just forecast the bad."

Merlin looked at her, daring to place a hand on her shoulder. "A good person will do everything in their power to make sure the calamity they see never happens. That's what you do."

His touch sent the warm glow through her. She leant her head on his shoulder. He stiffened against her but quickly relaxed. She could feel the pulse in his neck. It hammered into her forehead, beating faster than it should.

Suddenly he pushed her to sit up and placed them on either side of her temples. Her skin leapt at this movement, wondering what he was doing. She heard him whisper words under his breath. He was removing the spell.

When he finished he took his hands away. "The spell is gone. If you have another vision while awake, let me know."

She nodded.

A prickly feeling crawled up her spine. The natural power he had that seemed to get stronger and stronger every time she saw him. Merlin had the power to crush men twice his size in one word but the fact that he was good natured sent a warm feeling through her that was just as strong as the thrill of his power.

She lowered her head and took a deep breath.

She didn't like to think about him within knowledgeable distance of him, fearing that his telepathy would pick up on it and the fact she had magic might boost the signal. One time he was teaching her and he leant over her a sudden, rather unsavoury, thought popped into her head. She noted sudden change in his expression before he awkwardly moved away and crossed his legs.

She lifted her head and looked at him. "I'm sorry."

Merlin smiled, "What for?"

"You do so much for me," she replied. "Sometimes I don't think I show the gratitude I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything."

"But I do!"

She grabbed his hand, taking Merlin by surprise. He wondered if she was going to 'the mad place' again. It frightened him when she was in that state; she seemed determined to expose them both.

He rested his free hand on hers and smiled nervously. "Calm down, Morgana, like I said…"

"But that's the point," she said, lowering her voice. "You do so much for me but I do nothing for you. I maybe just a simple seer but I feel as if I should do more for you."

He stared at her. "I don't really want anything."

"Nothing at all?" she said leaning closer.

Merlin became aware of the short space between them and politely moved over. "Not really. I mean you _do_ pay me back by being in a position to tip attention away from me, especially with Uther."

Morgana moved closer again. "I think you took care of that yourself. After what happened with Gwen I doubt he'll ever take a tip off that you're a sorcerer seriously."

"True, but it's still nice to know."

They sat in silence. Morgana watched as Merlin tapped his heels against the floor and drummed his fingers against his knee. She sighed, "Am I a burden to you?"

"Of course you aren't."

"Yes I am. I can tell."

"No, you're not! If anything it's comforting to know that there is someone else who has the gift."

"I know," she agreed. "I'd never thought I'd meet someone who would… help me understand it."

Merlin swallowed. He didn't want to tell her that Gaius had wanted her to remain in the dark about her gifts. They both relied on him to be the voice of reason, and Morgana was good at holding a grudge.

She touched his cheek with her hand. He could feel the magic within her, and admittedly, felt a sharp sensation of burning spikes in his arms. He swallowed again. "I think most people feel that way until they meet another like them."

"Especially if they're like us, right?"

He smiled awkwardly.

Her eyes clouded over and instinct got the better of her.

She leant forward and kissed him. At first she had intended to just kiss his cheek but she re-directed it to his lips in a moment of madness or curiosity or both. Merlin was not sure how to react. She felt his mouth stiff against hers but it didn't deter her.

The moment they touched the power seemed to flow into her directly. It urged her to deepen the kiss and drink from it. As she coaxed his mouth open the static feeling surged into him too, both supernatural and natural. It felt like there was a true connection, a link that went deeper than being creatures of the old religion. She wondered if the kiss felt like this, what it feel like if they were to…

Merlin abruptly pulled away, as if he had reached into her mind and seen her thought. He covered his mouth, the root of all his powers, and murmured apologises through his fingers. "Excuse me…"

"I'm sorry" she said dumbfounded. "I'm sorry if I—"

"No, no…well, yes, but no—" he gabbled. "I think I should go…"

He leapt to his feet and stood in front of her. She stared at him wide-eyed.

"I don't know what came over me," she said. "I just blanked and… I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"N-no, of course not. I understand completely," Merlin babbled, irritably rubbing his forehead. "I better leave in case something comes over me. When you have another dream you know where to find me…"

He laughed giddily as he strode towards a door.

"Merlin," Morgana said, losing herself in her thoughts. "That's the bathroom door."

He turned swiftly around and walked towards the bedroom door.

"Sorry," he muttered.

Morgana watched as he opened the door and darted out of it, not looking back from fear she would see how brightly red his cheeks had turned.

Outside the door he nearly lay against it to ponder what had happened, but he quickly remembered what happened last time he had done that. He didn't want to tempt fate by falling through the door again.

Inside the room Morgana sat staring at the door where Merlin had escaped through. She threw herself backwards onto the bed, wondering what had possessed her to do what she did.

Instinct, she told herself, but what instinct?

She should have known Merlin would be dumbfounded by such an action. Morgana had wondered how much stronger the power would feel the closer she got to him. She had been trying to find excuses to be near him for the last few months. The closest she could dare herself to get was to kiss him.

At least that was what she told herself.

Sometimes she wondered if the power was just an excuse. It was like a form of seduction, and she was embarrassed that she was having these thoughts while he innocently tried to teach her how to create doubles of objects or open books without picking them up.

Then again was he completely innocent?

Morgana knew she was beautiful. Merlin might be guilty of having a few thoughts about her. She knew he felt the power between them too. It was something they shared. Therefore it was quite natural to assume he might share other things with her, including musings…

-

Arthur was looking out the window of Gwen's house.

He rarely came to her home even in twilight. Normally during the day they spoke when they could and kissed in dark alcoves. Then once twilight came she would sometimes go to him and sometimes go home to sleep in her bed alone.

She wondered if she was ahead of herself.

For a while their meetings had been 'virtuous', never passing the level of courting. For a while she had thought it important to guard her chastity. In all honesty she was surprised he had waited. She imagined a prince was used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted it. He had probably never been asked to wait for anything.

Then when she made the choice it had been so easy and had felt so right she wondered if there was something wrong with her. When the heart said 'yes', the mind said 'yes', and the body said 'yes', but the conscience said 'think before you act' it found itself out numbered by a three to one vote.

Did the fact she felt no shame over what she was doing make her loose and immoral?

She had put the question to Arthur once: "You couldn't be immoral if you tried," he told her. "You are the most virtuous woman I know."

It pained her that the man she loved so dearly was the one man she could never hope to marry. The question was this—was she ready to make the leap from the secret lover to the prince to being an acknowledged mistress? She didn't think so. Not quite yet.

She walked up beside him and leant her cheek against his arm. "What are you looking at?"

A smile crept across his face, her cheek against his arm a symbol of their intimacy. "The chickens."

There were three white chickens waddling around in the street. Gwen shook her head, "What about them?"

"The people," he said. "They just walk passed them, and ignore them. Don't they get under your feet?"

"I'm used to them."

"It would drive me mad."

"They're no different from pigeons."

"Pigeons are worse."

"Don't knock it" she replied. "That's my Christmas dinner you're insulting."

"You eat pigeons?"

"Yes and those chickens."

"Really?" he asked, surprised. "It must be hard."

"Well, you can get attached to them…"

"I mean going without," Arthur corrected himself. "I can understand it with Merlin. He didn't know any better in his village… but you grew up watching people like me who had everything. It must have been hard."

"Not really" she chuckled. "I took what I got and was grateful. When I saw the life Merlin came from I realised my life in Camelot is luxury. Besides I have always been quite prudent."

He turned to look at her, resting his hands on her shoulders; "You shouldn't have to go without anymore."

"I don't," she said with a smile. "I have everything I need. I have a home, and a job, and enough food to eat. I'm fine."

Fach barked when she heard another dog bark outside.

"And I have a dog," she added with a chuckle, kneeling down to pick her up. "What else can a girl ask for?"

"It just doesn't seem enough to me," he replied. "I look at you and I want to give you so much more. I wonder why someone as noble as you was born in the lower class. You're nobler than I am."

Gwen reached up to stroke his cheek with her free hand. "You are the noblest man I've ever known. Nobility comes with character, not status."

"I just can't imagine how you cope—"

"That's because you're the prince," she replied.

Her words tasted like iron in her mouth. He was the prince. But outside the palace she could forget he was the prince. In many ways she preferred it; when he was in the house with her, he was hers.

Fach struggled out of her arms, and lay down on a blanket Gwen had laid out for her.

She sighed, "You don't know what it's like because you never have been without. But you still understand your people. That's what I admire about you…"

Arthur raised an eyebrow, "That I'm a spoilt prince?"

Gwen laughed and cupped his face in both her hands, "No. I admire the fact you understand and love the people so earnestly. It shows you have empathy and that you will make a good king."

"If you say so," he said, leaning down to kiss her. "I still think you deserve better, though."

"I have a prince, remember. I _have_ the best."

He smiled a smile that only Gwen could bring to his face, the sort of smile that showed a man in love. It was only in the comfort of her presence he could like feel that.

He sighed thoughtfully and shook his head, trying to put words to the emotions he felt. "Guinevere, when I'm with you I can settle down from all the trouble of the day and forget about it... or least consider it."

"And what troubles are you pondering today?" Gwen asked sitting at her table.

Arthur sat down too. "The Rheged Crisis, that's what."

"I saw the ambassador earlier while I was cleaning the floor," Gwen began. He reached over and took one of her hands, feeling the roughness of hard work. She went on, "Why is he here?"

"He claims he's just here to update us on the crisis."

"But you don't believe him?"

"I don't believe him or my father," Arthur said. "Ambassadors don't travel hundreds miles to update a country on a war when a messenger could be sent. Even if King Lot needed reinforcements he wouldn't have sent the ambassador."

"Maybe he's here to conduct an alliance. Queen Anna is your aunt, after all."

"But Anna knows that father will help if he is asked," Arthur said. "Besides, if it was just an alliance or treaty, then father would have told me."

"Then maybe he's taking a holiday and thought he'd pass on the message while he was in town," she joked. "The point is that if your father wants you to know, he'll tell you."

He nodded, "You're right. Of course, you're right. I just… don't want to see another war break out. It's bad enough when we send armies to fight the Saxons but a war between our own people…"

"You know I—" she began but thought better and stopped. "Never mind."

"No, tell me."

"It doesn't matter."

"Oh, go on!" Arthur said chuckling, "You've aroused my curiosity now."

"Hmm," she said with a minx smile. "I seem to be arousing a lot of you these days. No, all I meant was… why does everything have to be solved through battles and wars?"

Arthur tilted his head, "What other way is there?"

Gwen shrugged, "I don't know, maybe they could sit down and discuss their problems."

A snigger escaped Arthur's lips. "Sit down and discuss it?"

"Yes, what's wrong with that?" she asked. "Just sit everyone around a table and let them talk it out."

"Well, we do that already."

"I mean _before_ a battle," she explained, "not after while making a treaty. That way the problems can be discussed and settled before a war breaks out."

Arthur smiled. He knew she meant it with the best intentions, but clearly came from someone who had never fought in battle. "It's a nice idea, but I doubt it would ever work."

"Why not?"

"Well there are so many kings in Albion," he explained. "There are over fifty, and we'd have to have seats for the warlords and knights as well. That's nearly two-hundred people crammed around a table."

"Then make it a very big table."

"On the other hand," he went on, grinning. "It wouldn't work because a war would break out over who gets to sit at the head of the table – let alone why they're sitting at the bloody table in the first place."

Gwen thought for a moment before shrugging. "Then make it a round table."

They both laughed before the tone returned to seriousness again.

Arthur shook his head, "It might work one day. I wish there was a better system for the kings, the warlords and the knights to communicate. It's too late to sort out the crisis in Rheged since the war has already started and it runs the risk of spreading too."

She reached over and took his hand. "I know you're worried."

"I am," he admitted. "But I'm more worried about what that ambassador is doing here in Camelot."

"Arthur," Gwen said gently. "If the war does spread will you have to fight?"

He sat in silence, reluctant to answer the question. "It's my duty to do so."

A sickly pain grasped in her chest that she tried to ignore. She forced herself to smile, "I know."

-

The evening darkened the dining room as the king and the ambassador spoke of the conflict in Rheged. When it came to foreign policy there was no other subject. Much to Uther's irritation Arthur was late coming home for dinner – he was close to sending guards out just to embarrass him. He knew he couldn't have gone far.

"You must excuse my son," Uther told Áedh.

"Of course, sire," he replied. "I imagine he's just at 'that' age. The princes in Lothian are similar."

"If the sons are like that they must be luckier with their daughters," Uther joked. At the mention of daughters he looked over at Morgana. She was sitting silently at the other end of the table, picking at a piece fruit. He had noticed she was distracted tonight. "Are you alright, Morgana?"

Morgana looked up. "Sorry?"

"Are you feeling well?"

"Oh, yes, my lord. I'm fine, thank you."

Her mind wasn't in the room with Uther and the ambassador. All she could think about was whether she would have a dream that night and what happened earlier with Merlin.

Uther scowled; this was very unlike Morgana. "Are you certain you are alright? You look a little flushed."

Her hand snaked up to her cheeks and dabbed them with the palms. "I'm fine; I'm just not very hungry."

"Do you have any idea where Arthur is?" he asked.

Morgana didn't know exactly, but she had a good idea. "I don't, no."

The doors behind her opened at that moment and, as if on cue, Arthur strode in. Uther reclined in his chair, waiting for his son to say something.

The prince cleared his throat, "I'm sorry I'm late, father."

The king gestured his hand for his son to sit down. "This seems to be a habit you are slipping into these days," Uther said. "Do you have any reason?"

Arthur sat down, his eyes gazing over as he tried to find an excuse. "I was just… about the city and lost track of time. Merlin—"

Morgana gave him a harsh look that Arthur read immediately. Don't you dare try and blame Merlin.

He sighed, "I should have told Merlin to inform you that I might be late but I forgot."

"That makes a change," Uther said, leaning over to Ambassador Áedh. "His half-witted manservant. He frequents the stocks so often I'm thinking of charging people to throw food at him. Make some money out of him."

The ambassador laughed as Arthur took his seat opposite him. The prince nodded his head respectfully. "I apologise for not being here."

"Not at all, sire."

Uther glanced over at Morgana, who had now directed her harsh stare at him. She quickly looked away when she realised he had noticed. The king found his old suspicions aroused again as he knew her scowl had been in Merlin's defence. Although he know longer believed something was going on between them he couldn't help noticing the subtle mannerisms.

The rest of dinner was quiet except for murmured discussions between the king and the ambassador. Arthur helped himself to a few grapes, only half hearing the conversation, his mind on his own discussion with Gwen. Morgana left the food and turned to the wine instead.

Arthur noticed her reach for her third cup when he finally spoke up. "Maybe you should have a lie down, Morgana. You don't look well."

Morgana managed to nod through the cosy feeling of too much drink. "Yes, maybe I should."

She got to her feet, still sober enough to keep her balance, and walked slowly out of the room. Uther watched with his own scowl, unimpressed with his children's behaviour.

"I don't understand it," he finally said to the ambassador. "Usually she is the more composed of the two."

Arthur tried not to look offended.

Uther turned to his son, "I don't suppose you know what is wrong with her?"

"It is probably just one of these women's complaints."

"You seem to have little appetite as well," the father commented.

"I've already had something…" Arthur said without thinking. Gwen had made him some sandwiches earlier. "Merlin made me something earlier."

Uther pursed his lips. He had thought about this moment all day. He knew he had to tell Arthur why the ambassador from Orkney was in Camelot especially now that the talks of the marriage were officially underway. It was hardly fitting to keep it secret any longer.

When the three men stood at the end of dinner Uther struck: "Arthur, I would like you speak to you privately."

He turned to the ambassador and shook his hand, "It has been a pleasure speaking with you. There are one or two issues I would like to discuss with you in the morning."

The king raised his eyebrows, and the ambassador got the meaning. "Certainly, sire."

The prince and the ambassador exchanged good nights with each other before Áedh left the king alone with his son.

Arthur hated moments like this with his father. There was always a sense of impending doom. He knew his father had something serious to say when he couldn't say it in front of other people. This had to be something personal.

Uther began, struggling to find the right words, and reinforcing Arthur's feelings dread. "Arthur, do you recall when you were a boy and I told you the three most important things a king should do?"

"Yes, father."

"Quote them to me."

Arthur rolled his eyes back, searching for the information in his mind. Finally he nodded and said; "First is to always defend Camelot's boarders and always be prepared to take up arms against any enemy that threatens the kingdom."

Uther nodded, "And the second?"

"To carry on the reforms and promote the fight against the old religion," Arthur replied.

The king leant on the table, staring at his son. "And what is the third?"

There was a short pause. Arthur had an awful feeling he knew where the conversation was going. "The third thing you told me is that I should marry and produce an heir."

"Exactly," Uther replied. "In some ways it is the most important thing you could possibly do to contribute to the country. The battles you win against both your enemies and the evils of magic will be remembered in records and books. An heir is a living memento. He will be here when you are gone, and his son will be here when both of you are gone."

"Yes," Arthur replied quickly, "and when the time comes I will fulfil those three tasks. I assure you I will."

"Indeed," Uther said turning to look out the window. "I shall not beat about the brush any longer, Arthur." He turned to look at his son. "I am currently in talks with your uncle for you to marry Elaine."

* * *


	13. Part 13

* * *

Arthur stared at his father.

He had suspected this painful father-son chat was leading to the conclusion of 'find a wife'. He had even suspected his father would suggest Morgana – to which Arthur had already developed several excuses involving the word 'like' accompanied by 'sister' and 'incest' – which would have bought him more time to think.

It seemed his father was one step ahead of him.

The truth was that Arthur had been worming out of the marriage question since he was eighteen. He was now twenty-one and he had run out of leeway, not to mention time. He realised at that moment why his father had called the ambassador in. It was to trap him, to get the conversations underway before he could object.

Of all the women his father could have chosen he did not see _this_ coming. Elaine: his _own cousin_. He wondered if he could still use the same excuses he had planned to avoid marriage with Morgana here too. But all that came out in the end was:

"Elaine?"

"A suitable match," Uther declared. "Ambassador Áedh came to Camelot to propose the terms of the marriage.

Arthur slumped into a chair. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Since May."

"The letter you asked Gawain to take to his father was about Elaine?"

"Yes."

"Did Gawain know?"

"I wanted to keep it between Lot and myself. Elaine was still engaged to Claudius at the time."

"But you knew it wouldn't last so you thought you'd get your foot in before the other princes in Albion did?" Arthur asked sarcastically.

"I knew Lot had been keen on a match between our families for a long time," the king replied firmly. "Elaine is a fine young woman that any man would be lucky to be married to."

"Then _you_ marry her!"

Uther slammed his hand against the wooden table. "I wish you would be grateful for what I am doing. I was one of four brothers but I was the only one who had a child. You were an _only_ child and all I have done since you were born is fear for your life."

Arthur sighed, "What are you saying, father?"

"This marriage is about more than strengthening the alliance between Camelot and Orkney," Uther explained. "Anna has had many live and healthy children, most of whom were males. As Anna's daughter there is a good chance Elaine will be the same; you shouldn't have just one heir, but several heirs."

"Yes, father."

"Elaine is a good choice for your queen," Uther finished.

Arthur nodded his head, irritated. "I concede that Elaine would make a man a good queen. She is intelligent, beautiful and, as you say, comes from a fertile mother."

There was a long pause.

The king sat down again at the head of the table. "But?"

'But', indeed. It wasn't until that moment that Arthur had a moment to stop and think.

The wealth of information had drowned him in so much confusion that it was only then he thought of Gwen; what would she think of all of this? The mere thought of her at that moment sent a powerful spark thundering through his body.

It seemed that the months he and Gwen spent carefully treading passed everyone in the castle had paid off; his father seemed utterly clueless.

"It's just so sudden," Arthur finally replied. "I haven't even thought about marriage or children. I'm only twenty-one, after all."

"It's about time you _did_ start thinking about them," his father told him. "I married your mother around the age you are now. Naturally the marriage will not happen for a while yet; a year, maybe a year and a half, at least."

Arthur looked up at his father, "You should have told me before now. Does Elaine know what you and her father plan for her?"

"I imagine so," Uther replied. "Your aunt was never one to keep a secret as big as this quiet."

"So _everyone_ knew about this before I did?" the young man snapped.

"If everyone knew you wouldn't have heard it from me," his father retorted. "It is still early in the negotiations."

Arthur threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. This was all too much even if the negotiations _were_ in early stages. This news practically meant that Arthur was engaged. To Elaine!

"Elaine…" Arthur said in disbelief.

"Would you rather have had someone you didn't even know?" the king snapped. "At least you are marrying someone you know and love already."

"There is a difference between cousinly love and romantic love," Arthur retorted.

"And you would know I suppose?"

Arthur remembered when Gwen had been sentenced to death for witchcraft. If he had felt as he did now for Gwen he would have thrown away the evidence without a second thought; he should have done so anyway.

There was a long transition between Uther's question and Arthur's answer that caught the king's attention.

He almost didn't hear his son's reply: "I like Elaine, as a cousin."

Uther sighed. "You always knew this day would come. I realise this is a lot to take in but I assure you that in many marriages of alliance love develops over time."

Arthur walked over to the window. "I don't think so."

"Sometimes cousinly love is enough," Uther continued. "The main purpose of marriage is to have children. That shouldn't be a difficult task; they say Elaine has grown up to very beautiful."

"You could say she was the most beautiful woman in the world, it doesn't mean I'd agree," Arthur replied. "Or that I'd want to reproduce with her."

"It's very easy, Arthur," Uther stated.

Arthur opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.

He shook his head and rubbed his eyes as he tried to picture what Elaine looked like now. He had not seen her since she was fourteen but she couldn't have changed much as she looked eighteen then. There was no denying she was beautiful or that she looked like a queen. But Arthur didn't want a queen; he wanted a woman.

Uther noticed the reluctance of his son was more than shock. He cleared his throat to gain Arthur's attention but he didn't turn to look at him.

"Arthur I have to ask—how should I put this?" he began. "I know that a young man of your age has probably had a few romances, including… pre-marital relations. Am I right?"

Arthur still did not turn, but he slowly inclined his head to show the affirmative.

"I imagine also," Uther went on, "that some of these relationships may have lasted longer than a passing fancy?"

Arthur half-turned to face his father but still said nothing.

"I suppose there is a 'favourite'?" Uther finished.

Arthur span around and nearly protested that it wasn't a case 'favouritism'. But he managed to curb his tongue; he knew that would blow nearly three months of cover in one second.

Once again Uther read his expression. "If you do have a mistress I will need to know everything about her. It may cause embarrassment if she were to be exposed at a later date."

Arthur swallowed. "If I did have a mistress then it would be my business, father. Not yours."

"Your business is my business," Uther retorted. "I am the king; everything is my business. I'm not interested in the details as where and with whom you dispose your body it your business. However I will not allow Elaine to be open to malicious gossip when she comes here; think of your reputation."

"It's a bit too late to be painting me a model of virtue, father. I think my 'reputation' is already wide-knowledge."

"Tell me the name of your mistress!"

Arthur shook his head and swiftly turned to leave.

Everything was starting to bog him down. He didn't want to hear about his father's plans or anything else. All he wanted to do was sit in a corner and shut out everything. He needed to work everything over in his head. At that moment he couldn't even have faced Gwen. He knew that if he were to see her he wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes.

"It changes nothing," Uther called after him. Arthur stopped. "If war breaks out over Albion we will need a firm alliance with Lot."

Arthur looked over his shoulder.

"You have never let me down in the course of your duty," he went on. "I hope you will continue to do what is best for Camelot."

The prince tightened his jaw and nodded. "Of course, father."

-

It was gone seven when Merlin finally returned home. Gaius was sat at the table waiting for him. The dinner had gone cold. As soon as the young warlock came through the door Gaius leapt out of his chair to scold him for his tardiness.

"Where on earth have you been?" he snapped. "I told you to be back by half six for your dinner. What have you been doing all this time?"

Merlin leant against the door looking dazed. "I've been around."

Gaius rolled his eyes, "I suppose you've been teaching Morgana, have you?"

Merlin shot him a horrified look. "Why do you say it like _that_?"

"Like what?" Gaius asked, confused.

He babbled on, "—I don't spend _all_ my free time with Morgana, you know. I live a very diverse life. I even found a home for Fach."

"Did you?" asked the old man, wondering what the boy was worked up about. "Whom did you give her to?"

He scratched the back of his neck, "Gwen."

"Ah," said Gaius. "Morgana and Gwen, and I suppose you can count Arthur. Three people; that's very diverse—"

Merlin bit his bottom lip; his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.

Gaius scowled, "What have you done?"

The boy folded his arms, "Nothing, I swear."

"Something has happened," Gaius stated. "I know that look."

"W-what look?"

"_That_ look," he said pointing at Merlin's pale face, red cheeks and doe-eyes. "It tells me whenever you've done something wrong. You couldn't be discreet if your life depended on it."

"And yet I'm still here," chuckled Merlin nervously.

Gaius looked at him, his scowl dissolving into a form of concern.

"If it's not something you have done, then it must be something that you know," he paused. "Or maybe something has happened to you?"

Merlin glanced at Gaius from the corner of his eyes. "Maybe."

"Is it something you can talk about?"

"Not really."

Gaius picked up Merlin's dinner. "Are you hungry? I could heat this up."

Merlin shook his head.

He put his hands into his pocket awkwardly as Gaius cleared the table of uneaten food while he lectured Merlin about how not eating would make him ill and that someone of his 'small frame' needed all the food it could get.

He clutched his fists inside the pocket and he felt a piece of paper in there. As he pulled it out he remembered finding the spell tucked between the two pages of his magic book the previous night.

Looking up from the table Gaius saw Merlin standing with the paper in his hand. He cleared his throat and the boy looked up.

"Gaius…"

The old man nodded. "Yes, Merlin. I should have known it would be a matter of time before you found that spell."

They both sat down at the table. Merlin opened the piece of paper in front of him and rested his chin on his hands. "What is it?"

Gaius put on his glasses and took the paper in his hands, "It is a spell. Well, the word 'enchantment' would suit it better. '_Yn Cysgu Addoed, Yn Bucheddu Addoed_', known more commonly as 'The Invincible Spell'."

"Where did it come from?" Merlin asked.

"I came upon it over twenty years ago," Gaius explained. "It was actually found by Nimueh—"

"Hmm," Merlin commented mordantly. "Our favourite person."

"She tried to master the spell," he went on. "I realised the damage it could do so I hid it from her. Fortunately I did so around the time Arthur was born and Nimueh fell from favour. The purges began and I hid the spell book—with the enchantment hidden between the pages—where it remained until I gave it to you."

"I couldn't read it very well when I found it."

"It's just as well," Gaius said, his tone becoming serious. "If anyone could make the spell work _you_ could… and that's the last thing we want."

"Why, what does it do?"

The old man took a breath. "It is supposedly a very powerful enchantment that puts a person into a deep, ageless sleep."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound too terrible."

"Believe me, it is" Gaius said sternly. "It is possibly one of the most terrifying spells in existence. The spell doesn't just put someone to sleep; it is an _everlasting_ sleep. A sort of… living death."

Merlin swallowed. "You mean that if this spell was used on someone it would put them to sleep… and they'd _never_ wake up?"

Gaius nodded slowly. "That's why I had to hide it. Nimueh was a very powerful sorceress. If she had perfected the spell she would have used it against anyone who stood in her way."

"And they'd be more or less dead?"

"The only difference is that the person is alive," Gaius explained. "The old fables say that while under the invincible spell a person's spirit is left drifting between the physical world and Avalon forever."

"Couldn't someone just kill them while they're asleep?" Merlin asked.

"No, nothing can kill them," Gaius told him. "They are immortal; they cannot age, cannot be harmed and cannot be woken."

Merlin was deep in thought. "I think I'd rather be dead."

"That's the point of the spell," Gaius finished. "It exiles a person from this life and the next."

Merlin took the spell from Gaius as a thought occurred to him, "If you didn't want Nimueh to have the spell, why didn't you just destroy it?"

Gaius folded his arms and nodded towards the fire. "Try it."

The young man obeyed. After a moment's consideration he threw the spell onto the flames. He watched keenly. It took a moment for his eyes to focus. The flames licked the page as if it were a wind blowing under it rather than a consuming fire.

Merlin quickly picked out the paper with the hot tongs. It was then he saw that there was no damage whatsoever. He reached out to touch it. "It's not even singed or hot or… how is that?"

Gaius shrugged, "Maybe the paper the spell is written on is invincible too."

Merlin sat back down. "What are we going to do with it?"

"Put it back in the book and forget about it."

He smiled, "Aren't you worried I'll be tempted to use it?"

Gaius leant forward, "I'm going to trust your better judgement."

"You know better than to do that!" Merlin joked.

The old man managed to smile as Merlin went towards his room to hide the spell. A thought suddenly occurred to him. "Merlin?"

The young man turned around. "Yes?"

"Don't ever show that spell to _anyone_ else," Gaius ordered. "Not even Morgana, certainly not Morgana. Do you understand me?"

Merlin looked away awkwardly. The mention of Morgana made him remember what had happened earlier. It had awakened a dormant feeling in him that he didn't know was there. He wasn't certain he could even look her in the face let alone show her a random spell she couldn't understand anyway.

Gaius noted the change in Merlin's expression and decided to press again to find out what was bothering him. "Merlin, what is wrong with you? Is it something Morgana said or did?"

"I-it's nothing," he replied, scratching the back of his neck again. "I swear it's nothing you need to worry about."

"And she hasn't done anything to upset you?" Gaius queried.

Merlin stared into space. "Not upset me, no."

He went up to his room and rummaged about to find the spell book out, (clearly noting the room had been tidied), before suddenly stopping and coming back down.

"Gaius?"

"Hmm?"

"The enchantment," he said. "There must be some way of lifting it. I mean, every spell can be lifted or fixed or something."

"There are fables of cures for the spell but none of them are credible."

"Like what?"

"In some fairytales the kiss of the person's true love can wake them," Gaius replied. "Another says that the person can awake after one hundred years. The only serious one is…"

Merlin tilted his head, "Is what?"

"The only person who can lift the spell is the person who cast it," he said. "But even that is debatable; it's just a powerful spell."

Merlin nodded, "It's not worth the risk of trying, is it?"

"No," Gaius replied firmly, and he kept his eyes on Merlin until he disappeared into his room again and closed the door.

-

Arthur rose in the early hours of the morning to see Gwen.

He couldn't sleep as unpleasant thoughts popped into his head. There was something innately wrong about the idea of marrying Elaine. It wasn't just that she was his cousin; he simply had a deep feeling inside that it wasn't right. He remembered that was what Elaine was like, and there was no reason to suspect she'd have changed much since then.

In his disturbed state he felt only Gwen could help him get his head around everything. There was something about the way she put things. When she did every word had a meaning and she never wasted words on false flattery like other women in his life did.

As he got dressed he thought about how much he had come to depend on Gwen for council. It wasn't just in her words he found assurance. He found it in her presence, whether they were holding hands, kissing or making love, she was always present and consistent. She never fished for compliments and never told him anything about him that she didn't think was true.

Sometimes he felt she was the only truly honest thing about him, and yet they were forced to behave like their relationship was dishonest

He hid his face from the passing guards patrolling the streets and took the shortcut down the ally that led to Gwen's house.

When he reached her house he peered inside. A candle was still burning by her bedside. Gwen was lying in bed with her eyes closed while stroking little Fach's head. The little dog seemed to sense him and rushed to the window where he was, wagging her tail. Her movement made Gwen open her eyes to hush her.

Outside Arthur walked around to the door and knocked. Fach followed him from the inside and began scratching at the door for him to be let in.

Gwen opened the door and she could barely believe it was Arthur—in the pit of her stomach she knew something had to be wrong.

"Arthur," she whispered in disbelief. "What are you doing here at this time in the morning?"

He stepped into the house. Fach crawled up to him shyly and patted his boots with her paw. He knelt down to gently stroke the dog's glossy coat before he stood again. Fach went over to her blanket having got what she wanted.

Arthur turned to Gwen, barely knowing what to say now he was there.

"Guinevere" he began.

"Oh no," Gwen said under her breath. "I hate it when you say my name like that."

"Like what?"

Gwen went back to her bed and sat down.

"You are the only one who calls me by my full name and you have three ways of saying it," she explained. "The first is firm where you stress the end of my name to get my attention. The second is teasing, a tone you usually save when you're flirting or trying to seduce me."

He couldn't help smirking and nodded his head proudly.

"The third is the one you just used, where you say every syllable in the same tone and without relish. You only do that when being serious or bringing bad news."

Arthur tilted his head, "Am I really _that_ predictable?"

"I've known you a long time," she replied. "And in these last few months where we have been lovers I have picked up on your tactics. It's how I know what's coming."

He sighed and sat beside her on the bed. "You always know how to silence me."

"What's wrong, Arthur?"

Arthur wanted to get it all off his chest. He was dealing with emotions he had never felt before and never thought he'd feel. In the world the minstrels sung of he had always thought these feelings were a weakness. In reality it took great strength to face them.

He told Gwen everything from beginning to end.

When he had finished he ran his hands through his hair and over his face, not knowing what to do or think. The idea of marrying had not yet sunk in, but the thought of what it might do to Gwen had, and he hated himself for it.

"I had to tell you."

"Yes," she replied, not knowing what to say. "I'm glad you told me rather than lying to me."

"I wouldn't have been able to look you in the eyes if I did not tell you."

There was a long pause.

Gwen felt a burning pain in her chest. It was cold fear, the sort that made you wonder if the pain would ever stop. She had known deep down this day would come, but it still got her like a slap in the face.

Nonetheless she could not help but feel a deep surge of respect for him in that moment. Many other men would have tried to hide the truth or lied to her face. Arthur could lie as easily as any man but couldn't bring himself to lie to her, but he didn't.

"I can't say I'm surprised," she finally said.

"About what?"

"That your father wants you to marry Elaine. She is probably the most eligible princess in the land."

"He just sprung it on me unexpectedly."

"A little like love, then?" Gwen commented.

He fished around for her hand, found it and clasped it to his chest. Gwen could feel his heart through his shirt. She forced her face to make a brave smile.

"Maybe you should consider yourself lucky," she suggested.

"Lucky!"

"She's supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the land."

"I _know_ what Elaine looks like. Yes, she is beautiful, but I just can't imagine… I don't want…"

Gwen squeezed his hand.

In a second all thoughts of Elaine disappeared and all he could think about was Gwen. All he wanted to do was take her, hold her and feel her against him. His thoughts came easily with her; they were natural and genuine.

He leant forward and kissed her, moving his hands to her shoulders to keep them locked together. She instinctively allowed him to push her back against the pillows and trailed kisses down from her lips to her neck. As he reached her collarbone he uncovered the mark he had left on her the other night. It felt like an eternity ago.

Gwen's hand rested on his chest to push him forward as she sat up again. This wasn't the right time. Arthur looked at her and she tilted her head, "Please, don't be sad. I don't like seeing you so sad."

"How do you do it?" he asked never taking his eyes off her. "You worry about me being sad, and not once thinking of yourself."

"I don't need to say how I feel because you already know," she said reaching to touch his cheek. "And you wouldn't be here if you didn't care."

Arthur sighed. He clasped her hand again, running his fingers over her knuckles, before bringing it to his lips.

Gwen soothingly ran her free hand through his hair and leant forward to place kisses on his temple, forehead and, after freeing her other hand, his lips.

Arthur suddenly blurted out. "I think my father knows…"

Gwen broke the kiss quickly, looking away, thinking of what the consequences might be. Everything had gone from being pure and simple to murky and complicated within a few hours. "About us?"

"He doesn't know it's you," he replied. "But I think he suspects…"

"That you have a mistress?" she finished. "I doubt he'll be too worried. You're not the first prince to have a mistress and you're certainly not going to be the last."

Arthur hated the word 'mistress'. He always thought of middle-aged noblemen who kept young women away in the country when heard that word. Every now and then you'd hear of how the nobleman had gone to the country for 'rest'.

"You are not a just mistress," he told her, "you are more than that."

"How?"

"I don't keep you for pleasure…" he stated. He then heard how she might have heard it, and decided to re-phrase. "What I mean is, obviously I find you both in personality and physically very attractive, and that side of our relationship very, _very_ enjoyable and pleasurable and… well, you know because you're there when we…"

Gwen raised her eyebrows.

Arthur grasped his throat as he tried to coax the right words out. "Nor do I 'keep' you or see you as a possession in any manner at all. What I meant was…"

Gwen placed a finger on his lips and he shut up immediately.

"I know what you meant," she replied with a smile. "You know that most cardinal sin you always accuse me of? Backtracking. Well, you just proved yourself a _hypocrite_."

She moved her finger away and Arthur took her hand again. "They're so small compared to mine," he observed.

Gwen did not understand what he meant at first. "Oh," she said when she realised, "I should think so. I may be a handmaiden but I'm still a woman."

They sat in silence for a moment, hand in hand. He was dreadfully unromantic when he wasn't writing words in a letter. The only way he could express his feelings was by saying her name. The only other way he seemed to be able to do it was through touch.

"I have to get out of this," he finally said.

"Don't do anything foolish, Arthur" Gwen said quickly. "Don't make a fool of yourself."

"I thought women liked a man who would be a fool for her?" he said with a half smile.

"No, because then he would be humiliated," she replied. "I wouldn't want to see anyone I love humiliated because of me. I'd prefer them to be sensible and do what's right."

"But," he went on, "what if there is no clear right or wrong? And what if I'm forced to do what I think is wrong?"

"No one can force you to do anything," she told him. "You know that better than I do. That's why I don't want you to think that… you have to do any right by me if the best thing is to marry her."

She couldn't even find it in herself to say the girl's name: Elaine.

"I can't marry Elaine," he said firmly. "Everything about the whole idea says 'no'. Besides, if I did marry her," he gripped her hand tighter, "we couldn't carry on as we are now. You would never allow it."

Gwen looked away.

"I just _couldn't_ have an affair with a married man. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. It would make our relationship dirty and our love dishonest because you'd be an adulterer and I'd be a…" she stopped. "I'd still love you as much as ever. I always will."

"Then tell me what I should do."

"All I can say is don't do something because it's what your father wants or because you think it's what I want," she advised him. "You need to think is best for Camelot. I know deep down you wouldn't allow yourself to do otherwise."

Arthur nodded; all of a sudden he felt overwhelmingly tired. Gwen noticed this and straight away moved to let him lie down on the bed. "Try and sleep," she told him.

"Someone might see me leave tomorrow morning."

"I'll wake you at dawn, I promise," she told him. "I usually wake early anyway."

"Then you should get some sleep too," he murmured.

Arthur took her hand and pulled her towards him. Gwen decided not to argue and lay down next to him in the small space of her bed that remained. He wrapped his arms around her, locking the two of them securely together.

Once he was settled Arthur seemed to drift off immediately but Gwen found it harder. She shifted over to try and find a more comfortable position without waking Arthur up. She finally managed to settle her head against his chest; she usually found that the warmth and beating of his heart helped her drift off.

-

The king had been working late into the night drafting letters to neighbouring kings about the crisis in Rheged. One was to King Lot in order to obtain information about the war itself and another was the dreaded letter to Anna about the betrothal. Writing to Anna was not a task Uther particularly enjoyed.

Of all the queens (and women in general) there were in the world there was none more intimidating than Anna. It was something he hated to admit to, especially since she had been Igraine's younger sister by several years. Yet even as a teenager she had been dominating, in many ways the complete opposite of Igraine.

Uther worried at little that Elaine would be similar. Thankfully from what he remembered and what he had heard, she was like her mother but only to a certain point; otherwise she was a consort rather than a regent.

There was an old saying among that family that there were three types of people in the de Bois family – the placid, the blithe and the corrupt. Nothing said it better than the three de Bois siblings. Igraine had been placid, Anna was blithe and Tristan had been corrupt (although his devotion to his sisters was unquestionable.) He wondered how many of Anna's brood were miniature Tristans. Certainly not Gawain or Elaine, but he had not heard much of the others.

A knock came at his door.

He took a slip of wine before allowing entry. "Come in."

An old servant named George who frequented this wing of the castle entered the room and bowed before walking towards the king to deliver his message.

"Sire, forgive me for disturbing you," he began. "The prince has left the castle."

Uther put his cup down. "When was this?"

"About twenty minutes ago," he replied. "I put a boy to following him as you asked, sire."

"And he left no word as to where he was going?"

"None, sire," he said. "In fact he tried to hide his face from the servants and the guards as he left."

The king picked up the goblet of wine again. "I want to know exactly where he was when he returns, do you understand?"

"Yes, sire."

-

Morgana had been terrified of going to sleep that night. Part of her was terrified that if she went to sleep she would see the dream again but another part of her was terrified that she wouldn't.

In her mind she couldn't decide which was worse – seeing the dream or having a dreamless night. Her life felt purposeless without the dreams and seemed to be filled with boredom and drinking without a cause. When she dreamt she drank to dull her nerves but without her dreams she just drank to fill the void.

It was as Merlin said, without the dreams she felt like a normal person and she hated it. The dreams were proof of her powers and she wanted to use them for a purpose.

Merlin.

He was plaguing her mind too. She could think about him without the fear of him accidentally, or purposely, reading her mind when she was alone. All she could think about was that afternoon; her break in concentration and what she felt when she kissed him. It wasn't just his power either.

As she lay trying to drift off to sleep she imagined what he was doing at that moment. He was probably lying on his cot waiting for sleep to take effect on him as well. She wondered whether he was thinking about her too.

Then she wondered why she cared.

She told herself the reason she cared was because he might choose not to teach her any more if he felt awkward around her, which would be terrible. But Morgana realised that the lessons had been more than a chance to broaden her knowledge of magic. They had been her only means of getting up close to him.

Morgana turned onto her side.

There was no way of explaining it. It was just a connection that she felt when she was with him and she didn't know why it was or where it came from. Morgana felt it was because he understood her. Before he had shown her what she was and what she could do she had been miserable, nearing the point of madness.

The moment she had touched him for the first time it had been to prevent him from leaving. In that moment she had not only confirmed her suspicions about but had felt the extent of his power. It had offered her clarity; she had understood what she was in that moment.

She turned over again to get more comfortable and tried to think of nothing but pitch black to force the sleep along.

It didn't work.

Again, the question of why she even cared about her power, his power or even what he thought of her. Her power was almost laughable compared to his, and his power was none of her concern although it certain drew her to him.

As for what he thought of her; he seemed to change his mind depending on what he felt she had done right or wrong that week.

That much Morgana did know.

When she was frantic over a dream or an omen or anything, she couldn't help making a scene in her panic. She would rarely escape Merlin's gaze during her bout of hysteria. Sometimes he would shut his jaw tight or roll his eyes or even try and usher her off, out of sight. Sometimes he would just tell her off: "You're going to get us both killed one day."

But the worst reaction was when he ignored her. He would look her dead in the eyes, free himself from her grasp and just walk away. It was as if he was taking her behaviour personally like it was done for his benefit, to gain his attention.

She opened her eyes.

Maybe it _was_ for his benefit. When he ignored her it made her all the more desperate, but at least she would stop screaming and crying. Then he would listen to her. Morgana realised that deep down he wasn't all smiles and sunshine. He knew he had to teach her to 'behave' herself and saw her as his responsibility. The cruel to be nice approach was the only way to stop her exposing them both.

Finally, sleep was starting to take hold of her. She closed her eyes and tried to think of nothing.

At last she fell asleep.

It took a while to fall in deep sleep. The dream had been pushed back into her mind and suppressed so long from the source of her powers that it was difficult for the dream to form in her mind.

Eventually the mind focused and the images began to take shape.

There was the sound of fire, battle cries and the clang of metal as towns, villages and fields burnt in the chaos. The girl with blonde hair she had seen in the 'waking-vision' appeared again, sitting by a window looking thoughtful. Then she saw Gwen, standing alone in her house, looking defeated and sad.

Morgana was nearly awoken in shock when she saw Merlin. He was walking towards Arthur with a look of anger in his face and yellow eyes, invisible to those who had no magic, blazing. He takes a bag from his belt and throws it at Arthur's feet – silver coins spill out over the floor.

The image of the fire and battle cries rose up again as she saw men she did not recognise stand with Uther watching the flames, none of them caring where it went or spread…

Her sleep came to an abrupt end as her eyes opened and she sat bolt upright before she could see any more. She knew there was more to be seen in the dream, and she knew it had to be warning her of something…

She had to tell Merlin because despite the awkwardness of their situation it was clear he now played an important part. He was clearly angry with Arthur over something in the dream. Besides, she had promised to tell him if she had another dream.

At that moment elsewhere in the castle Merlin jolted awake from his half-slumber without reason or warning. He swiftly sat up right and looked around the dark room. It was illuminated by the moon and early sun shining jointly. On odd sensation had driven him awake, but he had no idea what.

-

The sun was starting to show its face. The young boy who had been put to following the prince sat beside the house nearly falling asleep in the muggy warmth of the summer dawn.

He closed his eyes and leant his head against the cold wall.

The boy wondered if he had fallen asleep at some point during his wait. He had been asked to wait until the prince left to return to the castle. It had seemed like an important job at the time.

He was roused by the sound of the front door opening. He leapt to his feet and peaked around the corner to see who was coming out of the front door. He sighed with relief to see the prince finally emerge from the house.

Arthur strode past, not noticing the boy around the corner. The boy nearly rushed to follow him but then decided to peak through the window above his head. Inside he saw Gwen clearing a few things away, making her bed, feeding the dog and tying back her hair ready for work.

The neighbourhood was awakening and setting up for the day themselves when Gwen finally left the house to go to work.

Fach followed her out the door, stopped to sniff the ground and detected something new about the place. She trotted over to where the boy was hiding, following his footsteps with her nose. The boy was certain the puppy would find him, bark and draw Gwen's attention to him. Maybe it would bite him! He held his breath and slowly backed away.

"Fach, heel!" Gwen called.

The little dog obeyed and ran so excitedly towards her mistress that she almost fell over her own paws.

The boy sighed with relief; the last thing he wanted was Gwen finding him swatting outside her house as she'd be sure to mention it to his mother who worked in the kitchens. He watched the dog rush to Gwen's heels before setting on their tail too, back towards the castle.

He followed her as far as the large courtyard before she headed off in the direction of Gaius's chambers, probably to collect something for Morgana or to speak to Merlin before work, as the boy knew they were friends.

He rubbed his eyes before he went in through one of the side doors, down a narrow corridor, across another small courtyard and into the castle towards the king's quarters.

-

Gaius had only just finished breakfast when the door opened and Gwen's head popped through it.

He turned and smiled, "Gwen—"

As she opened the door more little Fach excitedly ran into the room that was once her home. She rushed towards Gaius and stopped just a few inches in front of him and patted his feet with her paw. It was difficult even for Gaius to not find it adorable. He felt that Merlin had done the right thing in giving Fach to Gwen; the little dog suited her.

"Is Merlin here?" Gwen asked as she closed the door and came in.

"No, I'm sorry" Gaius replied. "He woke up early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, so he went straight to work. Is there something you want me to pass on to him?"

"Oh," she said, not knowing what to say. "No, it's just that Morgana asked me last night to tell Merlin she needs another sleeping draft and to make sure that it is Merlin who brings it."

Gaius knew something was going on between those two but he didn't press Gwen for information, as he knew she probably didn't know any more than he did. "I'll make sure he gets the message."

Gwen sighed. She had been hoping to talk to Merlin about what had happened last night and find out if he knew anything more about Elaine. She knew she should have asked Arthur but she couldn't bring herself to ask.

Finally she said, knowing Gaius would pass it on and Merlin would understand the meaning, "I've run out of my… prescription… too, and I really need some more today. He'll know what I'm talking about."

Gaius stared at her, not clue of what she meant. He guessed it was some sort of code, as he imagined the last request was. He nodded, "I'll tell him as soon as he gets back."

Gwen wondered whether or not to ask Gaius about Elaine. It was almost certain Gaius knew about the prospective marriage and she didn't mind asking him; she was certain he knew about her and Arthur too.

"Gaius," she said, "what do you know about Rheged?"

The old man looked up at her and realised straight away what the visit had _really_ been about. He kept chopping up herbs to distract him from Gwen's eyes. "What is it you want to know?"

"I'm just curious to know what is going on there."

"To put it bluntly," Gaius replied. "Rheged is a kingdom in Hen Ogledd that used to belong to the family of Prince Claudius but his great-grandfather lost a battle for it one hundred years ago leaving them only gore. The rest of it became a territory of the Orkney clan."

"Elaine's family," Gwen said.

"Yes," the old man went on. "When the king died he split his kingdoms between his sons. As the eldest Lot the Orkney Islands and Lothian, and Urien received Rheged. The conflict is over the fact that the king of Gore is dead leaving a teenage boy to wreck havoc on the north."

"Where does Uther come into it?" Gwen asked. "What does he have to gain from taking sides or… marrying Arthur to Elaine?" He looked at her. "And don't say you didn't realise, I want to truth."

The old man sighed.

"Lot is an unreliable man," he explained. "He has a nasty habit of going back on his promises. The only thing that connects them is the fact Lot is married to Anna, so if she were to die suddenly there would be no one to pull him back. He sees Arthur marrying Elaine as the only way of making sure their bond is carried into the next generation."

Gwen sighed; it all sounded hopelessly logical. "But what does Lot get out of the marriage?"

"I assume he will have an extra army to fight his war," Gaius explained. "And he would have a daughter was the future queen-consort to one of the richest lands in the south of Albion."

Gwen scowled. "That would mean that, for future generations of Camelot, for Arthur's children, they would simply be a satellite for… whoever Gawain's children are?"

"I can't imagine the king chose this path easily but it goes without saying that if a war truly does break out, Camelot is rich but vulnerable compared to the Orkney clan."

"I believe Camelot could be the most powerful kingdom in Albion if it wanted to," Gwen said thoughtfully. "It could be the capital of a larger and greater country."

Gaius couldn't help smiling at her enthusiasm. "It would take a remarkable man to unite all the kingdoms under one high-king."

"Yes, I suppose you're right," Gwen said, nodding. "I better take Fach home before I get to work…"

"Leave her here," Gaius replied without thinking. He thought of his books and papers but couldn't really retract the offer for the sake of some dusty books. He picked up the dog. "I'm sure you don't want to leave her alone until lunch time."

"Thank you, Gaius. I'll collect her then." She turned towards the door to walk out and said, "I'm starting to think Gawain is the only decent man in the Orkney clan."

Gaius chuckled. "He probably is, but then again I always like his mother Queen Anna. Are you alright, Gwen?"

"Yes," she lied. "I'm perfectly alright. I'm just a handmaiden. I have to carry on."

* * *


	14. Part 14

**Sorry for the long wait to get this up but my exams are starting to weigh me down. Moreover I have some bad news; my UBS became corrupted and as a result I lots all of my writing including _To You, An Admirer_. For this reason I shall have to start from scratch and completely re-write the rest of the story. This means that updates will be much slower, particularly for . I will probably try to get the next parts up on LiveJournal by the end of June because I am now in hiatus due to exams so I won't have time to begin re-writing until the end of my exams of the 15th June.**

* * *

Uther sat in silence with his hands over his mouth to hide an amused smirk. He could hardly believe what the old servant George had just told him. He had suspected everyone in regards to who the girl his son was cavorting with, except this.

"Are you certain?" the king asked.

"That is what the boy says," the servant replied.

He motioned towards the terrified child that stood beside him. The boy stared unblinking at the frightening king of Camelot.

"The prince was seen going into her house and coming out early this morning. I myself witnessed his return to the castle… around half past five."

Uther shook his head.

Guinevere. It hadn't taken him long to recognise the name as that of Morgana's maidservant. She was an apparently well-behaved, virtuous girl and was certainly a peck above the other servant girls in the palace being maidservant to Morgana. He realised that she was probably more than a conquest; she was a mistress.

He stood and began to pace the room, slowly.

"Any idea how long it has been going on?" Uther asked.

"Sadly, no" the servant replied.

"See if you can find out," he advised. "I want to know if he makes any frequent visits there or if the girl has ever returned home late, or failed to return at all."

"Yes, sire."

The old servant pushed the boy's head down to make it bow and backed them both towards the door. Once at the door he shoved the boy through them and bowed again before finally leaving.

Alone again the king settle back into his chair and thought of what his next action should be. If it turned out the relationship has been running for months rather than weeks then what could he do?

It was perfectly acceptable for a man to have a mistress, especially if he was a prince. It was well known that members of the court kept mistresses in the country, so they would hardly judge Arthur for having one of his own. If anything the appearance of a mistress at court excited and intrigued everyone.

On the other hand Uther did not want people joking about fact that of all the women at court the prince chose a maidservant for his 'companion'. A high ranking maidservant yes, but she was still just a maidservant.

Moreover the last thing he wanted was for Elaine to turn up at court and find that she is being compared to a servant. It would be even worse if Elaine was left hugging an empty womb because her husband preferred a servant's bed to his marriage bed. It would ensure a scandal and humiliation for all parties involved.

Uther picked up a goblet of wine and took a slip.

He was getting ahead of himself. It was still possible that this servant girl was merely the latest in a long line of conquests attributed to Arthur. It was widely rumoured that his son vented his frustrations on servant girls. They had admittedly been merely cinder maids and scullery maids, but maybe he was making his way up the hierarchy of the help. Uther wouldn't put it past Arthur.

Either way, Uther thought, even if she was just a conquest I need to quash Arthur's reputation before the match is finalised and Elaine comes to Camelot by any means possible.

He had long meant to talk to his son about digression when it came to his behaviour and now was as good a time to do it as ever.

-

The morning was refreshing considering the night had been clammy but the kitchens were scolding. The fires had been lit since early that morning and the only thing ventilating it was an open window.

The heat hit the young servant boy as soon as he walked in and his cheeks flushed with it. He stood in front of a tall and thin woman stroked the fire to boil the eggs and water in the pot above it.

The woman turned and saw the boy.

"There you are!" she said. "What did George-up-stairs want with you? What have you done?"

"Nothing, mum," he replied as he walked towards the stairs the led upstairs. "He asked me to follow Prince Arthur this morning."

"I bet he did," she said, unconvinced.

"He went to see a girl," the boy went on.

His mother looked over at her son and rolled her eyes. "I _bet_ he did."

"You'll never guess who it was," the boy said.

"I'm sure I won't," she said, removing the eggs from the water.

"It was Gwen!"

"What did you say?" her attention finally caught, "Our Gwen here in the castle?"

The boy nodded.

The mother scowled and waved her spoon at him.

"How dare you run around telling lies like that?" she snapped. "Saying things like that about Gwen. I'll tell you now—that girl worth _ten_ of them royal highnesses upstairs, thank you very much. God bless her after all she's been through. I doubt she wants to see that precious prince _from a distance_… I certainly wouldn't!"

The boy pouted. "It's true!"

"Be off with you, or you'll get a clout!" she warned.

He stamped his foot angrily and rushed up the stairs, colliding into Merlin and Gregory as they were coming down. Merlin put his hands on the boy's shoulders to keep him steady.

"Whoa, slow down there!" he chuckled.

The boy pouted again and pelted through the door. Gregory laughed and turned back to Merlin, who gave him a half smile. They walked over to the cook who was now attempting to take the shells off the scolding eggs.

Gregory rolled his eyes. "What's up with him today?"

"I don't know," the cook replied. "He's been saying all manner of things, none of them true. Thank God the rest of the staff is upstairs preparing breakfast else they'd be having a right gossip, I'm telling you—" she gestured over to a table with some old cheese on it. "Here, while you're both here finish that cheese off."

The two boys walked over and took a slice each while the cook went on talking.

"It's only a few days old so it's not nasty else I'd have thrown it away," she explained. "I might as well give it to you two good boys who won't make a fuss. It's no good giving it to those three snobs up there, I'll say…"

Merlin and Gregory looked at each other smirked.

"They _are_ the royal family," Merlin pointed out.

"They're built the same as all men," she replied. "Two day old cheese won't do them any harm but _no_, not good enough for them, turn their nose up at anything…"

Their cook was famous for her bad mouthing the royalty upstairs. The servants admired her for it and for the most part agreed with her, so it never reached the outside of the kitchen. It was no worse than Merlin calling Arthur a prat to his face.

"Especially her ladyship," the cook went on. At the mention of 'her ladyship' Merlin chocked on his cheese and Gregory had to slap his back. "You can't get her to eat anything that isn't straight from the cow; thinks she's the Queen of Sheba, she does."

"Amen," Gregory agreed as he slapped Merlin's back again. "What is the matter with you?"

Merlin managed to clear his throat and looked sheepishly at Gregory. He turned red from both chocking and embarrassment. "Sorry, it was just a cough."

"No, I mean, you're all a jitter today," Gregory replied.

The problem was that every mention of Morgana reminded him that he would have to see her again soon, and he didn't know how he'd face her after yesterday.

Merlin tilted his head and smiled, trying to look innocent. "Am I? Well, I'm alright."

Gregory stared at him. "That smile of yours _always_ foreshadows doom and gloom."

The young man shook his head and turned to the cook. She handed him a bowl with the egg, some greens, some bread and a jug of water. "Thanks. Anything I need to do or can I just give it to him as it is."

"Just as it is," the cook said.

Merlin headed for the door while Gregory sat down. It then dawned on him that he hadn't asked Gregory how he was in a long time.

"How are things going with Percival?" Merlin asked.

"Great," Gregory replied. "I actually get paid more than I ever did as Arthur's servant."

"Percival isn't hot headed like Arthur is," Merlin agreed. He made his way up the stairs as he spoke. "I'd say you won the game by gaining him as a master."

"Better than poor Eric who was made Lamorak's servant recently," Gregory laughed. "Did you know he had his arm in a sling?"

"I was there when it happened," Merlin laughed. "I _carried_ him to Gaius. I mean they just flattened him – Kay, Lamorak and Pelleas – just toppled right on top of him. They could treat him a bit nicer; he's only a twelve."

"Oi!" the cook shouted. "You two want to gossip like old women then do it on your time, not mine."

Merlin replied with his trademark smile. "That's the pot calling the kettle black."

The cook turned and glared; both boys knew she was joking but it was still a frightening look. "Merlin, when do you come of age?"

"In a year and a half," he replied, still smiling.

"God help us all!" Gregory joked.

"Well," the cook replied. "If you want to live to see that day I suggest you get out now before I launch these cooking pots at _you_."

Gregory rolled his eyes. "I'll see you later, Merlin."

Merlin nodded and disappeared up stairs to the corridors. He did his best to avoid going anywhere near Morgana's room, forcing him to go the long way around instead of cutting through her wing of the castle.

It was coming up for half past eight when Merlin finally reached Arthur's room. As per usual he walked in without knocking. He found Arthur fully dressed sprawled out on the bed lying on his stomach in an awkward position.

Merlin put down the food on the table and moved to the bed to rouse the prince. At first he just shook him, but the only reaction he received was an irritated grunt. Then he gave him a hard but painless slap on his shoulder.

"Wake up!" he said in a patronising voice that equalled that of a nursemaid. "The sun is shining, birds are singing and life is merry. Wake up!"

Arthur rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. Apart from a few hours curled up in bed with Gwen before she had to get up for work he had had no sleep.

He had spent most of the early morning pacing around his room thinking things over before he finally he had caught three quarters of an hour of sleep, which Merlin had interrupted.

He stumbled to his feet and to his table to eat breakfast. He wasn't really that hungry despite the fact the last time he had eaten was the other night when Gwen had made him a sandwich. That morning she had tried to share her porridge with him but he just couldn't face it, tasty as it had smelt. In the end he just sat at the table picking at the bowl of fruit.

Merlin noticed his lack of appetite. Arthur had never been much of an eater but breakfast was usually the only time he was truly hungry. He wondered whether to ask Arthur if something was wrong. He hoped to start a conversation; anything to take his mind off Morgana. He felt Arthur wanted to take his mind of something too, and he had a good feeling it was Gwen.

They probably had a small row the previous night, Merlin thought.

He remembered their first row when he had acted as messenger. He couldn't even remember what the argument had been about. It didn't take longer before Arthur ended up rushing to Gwen to apologise.

He knew it was either Gwen or the conflict on Rheged. These days it was either one or the other.

"Not feeling well this morning?" Merlin asked.

"No, I'm fine" Arthur replied half-heartedly. "I just didn't get much sleep last night."

Merlin couldn't help chuckling as a connotation slipped into his head, "Oh, really?"

Arthur noted the tone of his voice. "Get your brain out of the gutter, Merlin, I didn't mean it like _that_!"

"That makes a change," Merlin said, not intending to say it out loud. Arthur fired a glare at him. The young man swallowed, "Sorry, it just slipped. Anything I can do to help?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "What could you do to help?"

Merlin stared back at him. "Err… The court physician is my guardian. That's a start. The fact I'm your manservant full stop is a good contender for how I can help."

"It's never stopped you being useless before," Arthur retorted. He looked at Merlin and saw the expression that always reminded Arthur of an injured animal. "Stop looking at me with those awful doe-eyes."

"Sorry," Merlin said as he looked away.

"Whenever you look at me with that face it makes me want to kill a deer."

"God," Merlin said rolling his eyes. "I can't talk to you, can't help you and I can't even _look_ at you without getting my head bitten off. Why don't I just push off and come back when you need me? Better yet, why don't you just go back to bed? You clearly got up on the wrong side of it this morning."

Arthur stared at him.

"Do you enjoy being thrown in the stocks, Merlin?"

"Enjoy it?" the boy retorted. "I'm practically _famous_ there now. Look, tell me what's wrong and I might be able to help."

"I told you," Arthur said, his temples throbbed painfully. "I haven't had much sleep. Besides I can't afford to go back to bed. I have too much to think about."

"Like what?"

"Nothing that would interest you; it's just politics."

"The war in Rheged?"

"It's not a war yet."

"But it will be," Merlin replied confidently.

"You don't know that."

"I'm not completely out of tune with the world I'll have you know. I know about the kings of Albion and I know that this conflict has been a long time coming."

The prince regarded his servant and Arthur wondered whether to tell Merlin about Elaine. But then it would be like he was asking his opinion, and it wasn't proper to take the opinions of a servant. Nonetheless he found himself seeking advice from Merlin anyway:

"Merlin," he began. "I think you're right when you say a war will break out, but if there was a chance to stop the war from starting or at least avoid it from spreading, would you do it?"

Merlin looked from side to side. "Are you asking me what I would do?"

"Yes, I am."

"My opinion?" he asked with a smile.

"Merlin," Arthur snapped. "For goodness sake just answer the damned question!"

"It would depend on what I had to do," he said finally.

"You would have to strengthen an unofficial alliance by making it official," Arthur replied.

"What would the alliance expect of me?"

Arthur didn't want to tell him the truth so he generalised his answer: "I don't know… promise an army to the other person to put pressure on the opposing side… err, marry someone's daughter, or promise protection to the ally if they need it."

"I don't know anything about armies but I'd only offer what I can spare, and even then I wouldn't _give_ it. The same goes with the promise of protection."

Arthur nodded, "And if you had to marry?"

"That would never happen to me" Merlin replied. "That only happens to royalty and nobility."

"I don't know," the prince smirked. "Maybe if you messed around with a farmer's daughter or something he'd force you down the aisle with a pitchfork in your back. Then again, maybe not… it is _you_ after all."

"You seem to think I'm completely naïve to _that_ as well, don't you?" Merlin tilted his head as he noticed Arthur's thoughtful expression. "Arthur…" he went on. "Does all this have anything to do with the ambassador from Orkney coming here?"

Arthur decided then that he didn't want to talk about it. He swiftly stood, "Thank you, Merlin. You may go now and get on with whatever it is you are meant to be doing."

"Is it, though?"

"Merlin, if I decide to tell you something" the prince replied firmly. "Then I'll tell you, but _this_ none of your concern… and you need to get into the habit of keeping your nose out of things that have nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with—" the young servant spluttered. "You just _sat_ there for the last five minutes _asking_ me what I would do…"

"_Goodbye_, Merlin," Arthur snapped.

Merlin was annoyed now. He stormed towards the door and, to show Arthur he was in a _very_ bad mood now, he slammed it behind him.

Arthur flinched at the banging door. Any other master would have had Merlin swiftly thrown in the stocks but he decided to tolerate his bad mood because he owed Merlin for all the times he had taken a dive for him. Even if he didn't he would probably have let it pass.

Arthur was glad to be alone again, as he needed time to think. He had to think about what he was going to do.

-

"…And these reports are accurate?"

"Yes, sire," replied old George. "It didn't take long. There is evidence to suggest that the prince has been to the girl's house in the evening a few times before and when he is on patrol he does spend a good deal of his time in that area."

Uther nodded. "What about the girl?"

"A little harder to trace, admittedly, due to her station," the servant explained. "But her neighbours have said the girl has returned late at night for a while now; the most times a week this happened as many as five."

The king pointed at him, "She could have just been tending to Morgana. The girl sometimes stays in the castle to look after her when her nightmares are at their worst."

"I thought of that too, sire," the servant said, as if he had achieved a great cunning in doing so. "I asked Gaius whether the lady had required any particularly strong sleeping drafts over the last month or two. He told me that the Lady Morgana hasn't required a sleeping draft for the _last three weeks_ or so. I even asked him if there was any chance Merlin could be taking them to her, and he said no."

Uther thought about this. It was good to hear that Morgana's nightmares were clearing up but when the servant mentioned Merlin an inspired thought came to him. It had come to his attention that ritually the pair of them would meet in her room in broad daylight. It had been that factor alone that stopped him from taking action against them. Morgana was too clever to risk meeting Merlin during daytime if they had something to hide.

But what if they weren't the ones who had something to hide?

If Arthur and Gwen were lovers then it stood to reason that Merlin and Morgana knew. So what if the meetings between Merlin and Morgana had just been a way for the two of them to 'disappear' from sight whenever Arthur was meeting Gwen? Then, if he (The King) were to ask where they all were, they would swear blind they were with their masters and servants, and there would be no eyewitnesses to say otherwise?

There was no doubt it was clever, so much so that even if half of his theory was true then it was obvious that the relationship between his son and the handmaiden was serious.

He shook his head. "It is borderline scandalous. Gaius would have no reason to lie about this sort of thing, and if the maid was not tending to Morgana's nightmares, then whom was she 'tending' to?"

He waved his hand to send the servant away. Once he was alone Uther decided that he would have to speak to his son about the issue. He had already decided that it would cause a scandal if it were to get out so he had to think fast. When something like this was unearthed it didn't take long before the whole castle was talking about it.

-

Morgana waited for Merlin.

After what had happened yesterday she knew he was probably avoiding the route past her chambers. In times like these _luring_ Merlin to her was the best method. She knew Gaius would be wondering what was wrong too and she was too embarrassed to risk him guessing by going to their house and talking to Merlin there.

That was why she had sent Gwen for a 'prescription'.

It had more or less been an uneventful morning. Gwen had turned up early as usual but seemed to be distracted. Morgana had asked what was wrong but Gwen simply rubbed it off.

"It's nothing, milady. I'm just a bit out of it today."

At the same time Gwen had picked up on Morgana's odd mood. The truth was that she was embarrassed. Gwen had caught her sitting in front of her mirror running her fingers over her lips dazedly.

"I'm just feeling a bit down today," she had said, "for no reason whatsoever."

She had to face him one day; to tell Merlin about the dream but also to face up to the kiss. She decided there and then to focus on the dream, to take Merlin's mind off what happened, and _then_ explain when he is relaxed and calm.

She made this decision just as she felt his presence coming up the stairs to her room, closer to her.

It was at that moment she knew her plan wasn't going to work.

As per usual she opened the door to see him in. She found him hesitating outside the door. He glanced down at that guard that strolled past the staircase. He turned to face her, a startled expression on his face.

Their eyes met briefly before they hastily looked away again. The sight of each other brought back the feelings and power that had boiled between them just yesterday. Merlin felt his cheekbones tint red and even Morgana's cheeks flushed at the memory.

Morgana glanced at him again; he had a beautiful face. She knew his abilities deserved admiration but his face made him seem less threatening. That frightening and sublime power wrapped up inside a nineteen-year-old boy. Maybe when he was older…

She stepped aside so he could enter her room and he walked in quickly, clutching something in his hand as he leant against the table in her room. Once she closed the door she realised that he was carrying willow bark.

"Merlin…" she began.

He held out the bark, "Gaius said to bring this to you."

Morgana snatched it from him and threw it over her shoulder. "That was just an excuse. I knew you'd try and avoid my room for the rest of today."

Merlin pouted childishly. "I wasn't."

"You were," she retorted. "I know you were!"

He wished he didn't feel so exposed. It wasn't until yesterday it had dawned on him how close he had let her come, how close she had let him come and how 'alike' they were. The more time they spent together the more exclusive their secret became. It was as if their isolation was driving them together.

"Not that I can blame you," Morgana finally said. "I practically swallowed your tongue yesterday."

A small smile crept up on Merlin's face. "I didn't exactly resist."

She managed to smile too, "I don't know why I did it."

He gave her smile that was braver than happy. "It probably just felt like a good idea at the time. We all do things we can't explain after the moment is over, right?"

Morgana nodded, dabbing her flushed cheeks with the cool back of her hand. "Either way I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable. I don't know what came over me."

Merlin looked away and his smile faded, "It's over now. It was a spur of the moment decision, and you regret it. That's fine. I don't mind. It meant nothing."

"Oh," was all she managed.

She could not help showing her disappointment; it was like he was completely writing her off.

Merlin stood up straight. He felt that nagging feeling in his chest but decided to ignore it. It made his nose, his cheeks and his ears burn. He was tempted to ask Gaius if there was something wrong with him.

Morgana folded her arms awkwardly, "Well, that's fine. Good. I'm glad you understand and don't hold it against me."

"Of course I don't," he replied. "It was just one kiss, after all. It means nothing."

Morgana nodded weakly, now feeling half-hearted herself. "Yes, as you say, it means nothing."

"Yes, nothing."

"Absolutely _nothing_."

"So we'll just forget about it?"

"Yes, forget about it."

"Put it completely out of our minds."

"Fine"

They almost shook hands on their decision but quickly remembered the almighty power that flowed between and thought better of it. As if to avoid any temptation Merlin folded his arms while she put hers behind her back.

Typically it was Merlin who finally changed the subject:

"So," he said trying to sound more serious. "I assume you didn't just call me here to tell me this, am I right? You had another dream."

She nodded. "It was the same dream. I saw the fire again, I saw Uther, and Arthur and Gwen, the sound of… what I think it sounds like… battle."

That pulled Merlin's mind back on track. "Could that be the conflict in Rheged?"

"I don't know," Morgana replied. "It would explain why I keep seeing burning villages; at least that's what I think I see, but that doesn't explain…"

Merlin tilted his head, "Arthur and Gwen?"

That wasn't all. Morgana hadn't told him about seeing him in the dream. Of all the things she saw it was the one thing that didn't make sense at all, that and the girl.

"I also saw a girl, a blonde girl, standing by a window," Morgana replied. "I don't understand what she has to do with anything."

"Do you recognise her?"

"I think I've met her but I can't think where…"

Morgana tried to picture the girl in her mind. She closed her eyes and saw the image in front of her. The image was blurred and distorted by interpretation. She so wanted to see the face clearer so she ended up imagining one. Then the girl looked like no one.

"No, I can't remember," she replied, and opened her eyes. "I wish I could show you what I see…"

Merlin looked away and nodded, "I wish I could see too."

They both sat down on the chest where they had kissed the other day and looked forward towards the window.

"Isn't there a way you could see inside my head?"

He sat there for a moment, considering his answer. He wasn't sure he wanted to go inside anyone's head, let along Morgana's. He was terrified that if he did he'd uncover secrets she wanted to keep hidden.

"No," he finally said.

"But you've read my mind before."

"Never intentionally," he replied quickly but truthfully. He considered the best way to explain it as she looked at him with tranquil green eyes. "It's complicated. I never intentionally see into people's minds. It just happens without warning, and it usually happens when they…"

"Are having dirty thoughts?" Morgana said distractedly.

Merlin blushed. "I was going to say it usually happens when they're thinking about me."

She felt her own cheeks burning up. "So… it's not just my mind you go into?"

"When I was little I would sometimes meet people and they would talk to me in my head, but that's not the same thing, is it?"

"Maybe we are more alike than we think."

"Maybe," he replied.

He thought about what the dragon used to say about him and Arthur; that they were two sides of the same coin. That said they were similar but the truth was they couldn't be more different.

Then again, wasn't that the point? The sides of a coin are opposite each other.

"We _are_ more alike," he finally finished. "It's funny but I never really thought about it before now."

She was surprised, "Really?"

"I thought about how we both have the gift but never about other similarities. I spend most of my time thinking about whether I'll have a day off from saving Arthur from a horrible disaster…" he sighed, smiling sadly.

Morgana looked over at the mirror that caught both them in its image she saw a true likeness for the first time; both so pale, both so dark, both so alone in their secret…

A reflection. They were two yokes sharing the same egg, two cherries sharing the same stem, two pieces of the same jigsaw that slotted together to finish the picture. They were individual but ultimately the same.

"Listen," Merlin said returning to the point. "I have to go and see Gwen but I will be back tonight to help you with this dream, I promise."

"Okay."

"In the mean time," he said, "should you 'nod-off' during the day and have a dream, write it down."

She nodded. "I will."

-

It was yet another meeting of the Privy Council.

"—And so, my lords," concluded Sir Ector, "we must thank the ambassador of Orkney for being with us today and keeping us so well informed of the business in Rheged."

Ector sat down as he finally finished what had been a rather boring introduction to the Privy Council. Even Uther, who had asked him to introduce the ambassador, was starting to feel bored. Many people were of the opinion that Ector had to be the only person who loved talking more than Uther did.

The king turned to the councillors.

"Gentlemen," he began. "I have called this meeting to discuss the threat posed to us by Prince Claudius of Gore. As many of you are aware he is refusing to leave Rheged and is attempting to make allies of neighbouring countries."

He looked at Áedh, who nodded, before the king gestured his hand towards two servants who brought over a large map depicting the isles of Albion. The councillors leant over the map to get a good look at what the king and the Orcadian ambassador were demonstrating to them.

The only one who showed little interest was Arthur; he was lost in his own thoughts.

"Claudius and his armies are here," Áedh pointed to the east of Rheged. "His armies have a strong hold there as it is closest to Gore. It is also close to Ebrauc who are long-term allies for Claudius and his family. They frequently send supplies to Claudius's army."

Ector pointed to the small border that Ebrauc shared with Lothian. "Is this border secure?"

"Yes," Áedh said with the first smile of that morning. "I assure you that border is secured, thanks to Prince Gawain. He has doubled the presence of the guard there."

Arthur smiled also; he imagined Gawain – his junior by nearly eighteen months – fighting to defend the borders of Lothian.

"Where are Lot and his army currently?" Uther asked.

"He is trying to negotiate safe conduct through Strathclyde in order that he may re-enter Rheged, sire," Áedh replied. "His brother King Urien is currently at King Pellinore's court, helping him get an army together with what little resources he could take with him."

Another councillor shook his head. "Who would have through a boy of nineteen years could cause such pandemonium?"

"That's almost all of Hen Ogledd in conflict," the king said through his teeth.

Arthur's head was swimming with thoughts as they all spoke. They were completely focused on the situation Albion was in, but he mourned not for the loss of Rheged to his uncle-by-marriage's-idiot-brother but for the fact that out of the chaos called by Urien and Claudius, he was now being focused to marry Elaine.

He glanced over at the map; the other councillors were putting little marks on countries. The red was for their allies, the blues for Claudius's allies and green for neutral. He managed to smile – it would be interesting to see how on earth Elaine was ever supposed to make it to Camelot.

"What do we predict Claudius's next move will be?" Ector asked.

"Lot has written to me saying that he predicts Claudius will apply for allies and possibly make a play for more land," Uther told him.

"Does any one think he'll try and gain control of Elmet?" Arthur suddenly said, deciding to join in. The councillors had almost forgotten he was there; his behaviour had not gone unnoticed. "Because if he _does_ then I think we should worry."

They all looked at the map; south of Elmet lay Mercia.

Uther brought his hand to his head and rubbed his forehead. "God, help us. Bayard will ally with Claudius at the drop of a hat for an opportunity to revenge himself on us."

"And if he were to be allowed safe passage through Mercia they would sweep through the minor kingdoms like a carpet," hissed one of the generals. "There would be nothing between him and Camelot."

Arthur realised he should have put his words better; his bitterness at the entire situation had now caused panic, "Surely it would never come to that; there are several countries that are allied with Elmet."

"That is how wars begin," Uther said quietly. "Two countries disagree and their allies get involved because they have disagreements they wish to settle. That is how the bloodiest wars begin."

Arthur remained silent, as did the entire room. They all knew what Uther said was true. It was one of the few things he had ever said that was true. None of them wanted a war, and affiliation with the Orkney clan was dragging them further in.

That was the catch that Arthur couldn't get his head around; surely the prospective marriage between him and Elaine would provoke fears within the south rather than draw attention away.

It was at that point that Uther decided to bring the meeting to an end. As he dismissed the councillors he asked them all to return later that day in order to discuss a more 'joyful subject'. Arthur knew what that was. He almost shouted with protest at his father who seemed to be planning the wedding before the terms of marriage were even drawn up.

He had been hoping for something to happen that would cause Uther to put back the marriage or reconsider it all together, but it was unlikely now if he was telling the councillors.

Arthur assumed that along with Elaine they would be getting a nice proportion of Lot's army to guard Camelot from the threat of their 'enemies' and no doubt inspire terror in the magic folk.

The fact was that there were no real enemies in the neighbouring kingdoms around Camelot. To the north there was water, to the south there was water, to the east there were the minor kingdoms still recovering from the overspill of Uther's purges on magic twenty years ago, and to the west there was Cador's Cornwall.

He looked at the map again and a thought suddenly occurred to him.

"Have you considered asking Cador for help?" Arthur asked. Uther looked at him as if he had just grown another head. "He has a sizable army and the only thing that separates us is the river."

Uther scoffed, "What has Cador ever done for Camelot? Nothing. For the last twelve years he has more or less snubbed us."

"True," Arthur replied. "But you haven't exactly put in the effort to reconcile with him, have you?"

The king's eyes were ablaze, "I did nothing wrong."

"I know, father," the prince responded. "I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but he did an awful lot for Camelot twelve years ago before Gorlois died. He also continues to provide Morgana with a sizable allowance even now she's twenty-one."

"I will not go to Cador," Uther snapped. "I'd rather die than beg my dead friend's younger brother for help."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Well, if you're waiting for Cador to come and ask _you_ for help, you might as well be waiting for the second coming."

"Don't you dare get sarcastic with me," Uther grinded out with a sense of doom. "I don't need Cador's help and never will."

Arthur stared at his father before rolling his eyes again and backing away towards the door. He had just about reached the end of his tether. Arthur realised that between arranging marriages and provoking wars his father didn't seem to give much way to 'new ideas' such as admitting sometimes people need help, even kings.

"You know what?" he finally said. "Forget it, father. I only thought I'd mention it given that he is Morgana's uncle and is a powerful duke with enough clout to help us should Claudius come knocking on our door."

"What is _wrong_ with you?" the king asked, irritated. "You're acting in a very peculiar manner."

The prince folded his arms, "Given that I was told I'm engaged after everyone else knew and that now it looks as if Albion is going to have a great war, you'll forgive me for feeling _very peculiar_."

And with that Arthur dismissed himself.

-

Gwen had collected Fach from Gaius at lunchtime as promised. It seemed the old man had missed the dog despite having complained to Merlin about them chewing up his books. Nonetheless he was glad that Fach had another home to go to, certain that if the puppy were to remain it would only be a matter of time before she began to irritate him again.

The puppy followed her mistress home through the busy market streets. As every afternoon that week had been it was scorching hot. There was the recognisable line at the wells and fountains for water, the familiar sparking of water being spilt over the brims of buckets and the common shine on the stall keepers' foreheads.

Gwen enjoyed it all although it was annoying weather. She loved how busy and active Camelot always was. It certainly took her mind off her own problems. As she walked among the people she could forget for one moment that her heart was slowly breaking.

As soon as Gwen opened the door to the front house Fach rushed in to her bowl, knowing it would be soon filled with water. Gwen saw to her little companion before she set about preparing lunch for them both. She cut up some chicken that was left over from yesterday's round of sandwiches and gave that to Fach while she sat down to some simple bread and cheese. Her mind was not really focused on hunger.

Once she had finished her small portion lunch she sat at the table watching Fach lick her paws delightedly.

"At least you're happy," Gwen commented. She liked having a dog; it made talking to herself seem less insane. "It must be nice to be a dog. I mean, you don't have to worry about things like money, food and love. As long as you're fed, you're happy."

The dog blinked at her before it began to lick its paws again. Gwen chuckled. Just then there was a knock at the door.

Gwen went to the door straightaway. She was expecting Merlin that lunchtime, and talking to him would achieve more intelligent conversation than talking to Fach. Though only just, as Arthur once joked to her.

However as she opened the door Gwen saw it was, in fact, a smartly dressed man. It was not someone she recognised. The pompousness of his appearance from his hair to the expression on his face suggested he was a low ranking administrator from the palace rather than a servant.

He addressed her directly. "Guinevere?"

"Yes," she replied politely.

"The Lady Morgana's maid?" he said, double-checking.

Gwen's face became more serious. "Yes…"

"May I come in?"

She stepped aside without thinking and let him into the house. Fach began barking angrily as soon as she saw the man. He backed away, trying to hide his nerve.

"She doesn't like strangers," Gwen explained as she pulled out a chair. "Would you like to sit down, sir?"

"Thank you, I'll stand" he replied. "You may sit down if you wish."

Gwen obeyed as if it were his house rather than hers. Fach continued to growl at the man. He watched the puppy out of the corner of his eyes as he spoke to Gwen in a frank tone.

"As you may already be aware," the man began, "our prince is soon to be formally engaged to The Princess Elaine of Orkney."

"Yes."

"As a result of this it is natural that any loose ends in respect to the prince's past relationships should be settled before the princess arrives," the man went on.

"I see."

"I have been asked to come here on behalf of his highness to give you this."

He took a small purse from his belt and placed it on the table beside Gwen. She stared at it not knowing whether to look inside or not. "What is it?" was all she could say, knowing exactly what it was.

"It is a… settlement," the man replied. "In return for your discretion and silence."

"My silence?"

"About your relationship with the prince," he explained. "It would not be fitting if it were to be discovered by those in Orkney or by the princess herself that the prince had an affair with a servant."

Gwen felt as if she was sitting there naked; she was exposed before a stranger who seemed so informed about her relationship with Arthur that someone had sent him to her to keep her quiet. She glanced at the bag lying beside her on the table and looked at the man again.

He gestured towards it: "I'm sure you will find it satisfactory."

"Satisfactory?" Gwen snapped. The scowl she had tried to keep back creased her forehead immediately. She picked up the bag, feeling the heavy and jingling content in her palm. "How could I find _this_ satisfactory?"

"You should count it first," the man replied simply. "It's more than it looks."

Gwen stared at him, fuming with suppressed anger that she was fighting to keep down. The man was so out of touch he thought the money mattered. He just didn't understand.

"That was _not_ what I meant!" she said firmly.

Her thought over what was happening. Before she realised what was happening the man was making his way to the door. Gwen quickly leapt to her feet. "Tell me, who was it that sent you?"

The man turned and sighed. "I was sent on behalf of the prince to give this settlement to you."

Gwen stared blankly at him before she looked away. "Are you saying that Arthur told you to come here?"

The man said nothing. That was the moment Gwen felt a painful and bitter jolt shoot through not just her heart and body but her very soul. She felt both anger and sorrow yet she couldn't allow herself to show it.

"I say it is a generous amount," he said with relaxed authority, "more than you could properly hope to earn in a year."

"Yes," she said, swallowing tears. "Tell his highness I said thank you, but I cannot accept."

She held out the money to the man but he ignored it and turned to the door to leave. "I would advise you to keep it. A girl of your age living alone needs good money, especially in your situation."

"Please, just take it back!" she said, her nerves starting to bubble up.

There was a knock at the door. Gwen automatically opened it and there stood Merlin. In view of the situation she had completely forgotten about him. The irony of the situation was that she had wanted to talk to him about this whole situation as he was impartial, but now he had stumbled right into the middle of it. Gwen didn't think about that; all she could think about was the money.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked, noticing her face. He looked between Gwen and the man, "Am I interrupting something?"

The man looked at him and smiled, "No, in fact I was just leaving."

He nodded at both of them and left through the door, leaving Gwen still holding the money. She followed him out and Merlin followed her, realising something was wrong.

"Please just do as I ask," she told the man.

He turned to face her again, "I was asked to give this to you on behalf—"

Gwen finally lost her temper.

"Can't you understand?" she cried, shoving the money at the man's chest. "I don't want this!"

As she let the purse go it fell to the ground, spilling out at their feet; it was filled with silver coins.

The people in the street watched the scene curiously, not doubt reading wild interpretations into it all. It couldn't have been wilder than the truth.

The man looked at the contents spilt over the ground before nodding to Gwen and leaving. She watched helplessly as he disappeared into the working crowd and at that moment she wished the world would just swallow her.

Merlin was the one to pick up the money in the end. As soon as it was back in the pouch her turned to Gwen curiously, looking for an explanation for this bizarre event. "What's going on?" he asked, handing the money to her. "What is this?"

"It's from Arthur, apparently," Gwen replied. She still refused to take the money and lead Merlin back inside. "I'm surprised he didn't send you with it."

"With that?" Merlin said, still oblivious. "What is it?"

"Come with me and I'll tell you everything."

She no longer cared who knew what. If this was really the way Arthur wanted to end their relationship then she didn't care about the humiliation she knew would come. Yet she did feel foolish.

Either way she would rather Merlin heard the story from her rather than someone else, even Arthur.

* * *


	15. Part 15

**Hello, I'm back. My exams are over and I have managed to pull myself back from the UBS incident. As today this fic will be updated on a fortnightly basis. This is due to the fact that I am now updating at LiveJournal with one chapter per week rather than two. If you want more frequent updated I suggest you check out ****Human Trash****. However you won't be able to review unless you have a LiveJournal account.**

**Extra-long chapter this week to reward your loyalty of waiting.**

* * *

Arthur was startled as his bedroom door swung open. He had been minding his own business, fuming about his father's actions, before his 'jolly' servant interrupted his train of thought. Merlin burst into the room like a gust of cold air.

The worst thing was that Arthur, in his own mind, had felt like he was reaching a suitable conclusion to his thoughts. Unfortunately Merlin had ripped him out of it and he forgot about everything.

The young manservant looked at Arthur with complete distain, such that the prince had never witnessed before from anyone, let alone Merlin. Even in their moments of antagonism they never exchanged a glare beyond one of irritation or frustration.

The look on Merlin's face let Arthur know he had done something very wrong; his jaw was clenched tight, his eyes were dark and his face was filled with thunder. It was a remarkable sight that had a strange aura to it that Arthur couldn't work out.

"Merlin, what are you—" Arthur began.

At that moment Merlin took something from his pocket and threw it at Arthur's feet; it was the bag of silver pieces.

Arthur stared blankly at it and chuckled. "I don't know what you've been told but I prefer to be paid in gold."

"You think this is funny?" Merlin snapped.

The tone in which he addressed Arthur bewildered him further. He laughed nervously, "I don't know what I should think—"

"Your 'friend' came by," Merlin interrupted.

Arthur shrugged, "Which friend is this?"

"That royal secretary," Merlin said barked, and pointed at the money. "He gave that to Gwen, telling her that he was sent _on your behalf_."

Arthur stared at Merlin before leaning down to pick up the silver. "He gave this to Gwen?"

"He called it a 'settlement'," Merlin went on, "In return for her 'discretion and silence' about her relationship with you."

Arthur swallowed, "I see."

Merlin bit his lip in frustration before throwing his arms up in the air in annoyance and continuing with his rant.

"I could barely believe it when she told me what had happened," he told him. "It's bad enough that you didn't have courage to face herself but that when you chose to hide behind the palace officials you don't even tell me what's going on."

"Merlin, I—"

"Spare me the excuses," Merlin shouted over him.

Arthur shot him a glare; he was speaking to him as if he were a servant rather than vice versa. He could a have punched him at that moment. "I'm not trying to give you excuses, Merlin; I'm trying to tell you…"

He was about to try and finish his sentence when Merlin spoke again, this time calmer and softer but still filled with disgust. "How did you think she would react to this money?"

"I didn't think anything!" Arthur snarled. "Some people find money a great comfort—but I don't know what…"

"Yeah, _some people_."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you know what Gwen told me the worst thing was?" Merlin asked, changing the subject.

Arthur sank into a chair and rubbed his eyes. "Enlighten me."

"He told her to count it," Merlin replied. "As if it mattered, as if she was a…"

"I get it, Merlin!" Arthur finally snapped. "If you would let me explain—"

"Save it," Merlin said. "I've said all I came to say. Gwen felt so embarrassed that she couldn't find a way to return the 'bribe' so I said I would do it. I've done what I said I'd do."

Merlin turned to leave when he stopped and shook his head. Arthur stared at the back of his head, wondering what he was thinking. He took this chance to try and get his piece out.

"I can understand why you're upset," he said. "But I don't know anything about—"

Merlin turned around, "The worst thing for me is that I could have stopped this from happening."

"Sorry?"

"With the letters," he explained. "I should have warned her off as soon as she told me about it. I should have known something like this would happen, especially after she told me about—"

He had nearly mentioned the original mistake with the letters but even in his anger he saw no reason to mention it. He thought of how upset Gwen would be to know that he had yelled at Arthur, let alone revealed the truth about the letters.

Arthur stared at him, "About what?"

Merlin swallowed, "No, it's not my place to say."

He turned around to leave again but this time Arthur interrupted. "Not your place to say what? I don't have a clue what you're going on about!"

"It's probably better that you don't," the young servant said honestly.

There was a long pause.

"There's just one more thing before I go," Merlin went on, his voice quiet. "I think you should stay away from Gwen. If she were to see you now it would just hurt her even more."

Merlin's words cut Arthur in a way he never expected to. For so long he had been the one who cut through people with his words, but now he was being given advice from his own manservant.

"I mean what can you expect?" Merlin said rhetorically. "She still loves you."

"And I feel the same," Arthur said, his voice also quiet. "She knows I feel the same."

Merlin sighed, "Probably."

He felt the lump lodged in his throat make his voice crack. On the one hand he was angry with Arthur for what he had apparently done but on the other he couldn't help think of Gwen, feeling sorry for her.

Merlin felt he had been wrong to encourage the relationship between his two friends to develop in the way it. He felt responsible. If it hadn't been for him it might not have happened in the first place.

Merlin slammed the door behind him as he left as if he thought Arthur might forget he was still angry.

Arthur sat in silence as he tried to churn what Merlin had told him.

He held the money in his hand and roped one through his fingers. It was clear and shiny, very clean considering the dirty task it had been set to do. As he felt the metallic surface of the coin he imagined how Gwen must have felt when that palace secretary gave her the money and told her it was from him. He imagined humiliation, embarrassment and plain sorrow.

He put all the coins back into the bag they had come in and set off towards the throne room. He knew his father would be speaking with the nobility.

The moment he entered the room Arthur found he was surround by men holding cups of wine and toasting each other cheerfully. He even saw his old 'gang' of Percival, Lamorak and Kay having a good drink-up.

Kay noticed Arthur come in and immediately raise his goblet. "Here he is, the man of the moment!"

The older nobles turned, smiled and clapped in that embarrassingly patronising way older people seemed to. Arthur felt increasingly awkward as he finally singled out his father and made his way towards him. Uther saw from the look on Arthur's face he had something to say, but he didn't want to hear what his son had to say.

"Father," Arthur began.

"Prince Arthur!" said Ector, whom Uther had been speaking to. "May I personally offer by congratulations on you upcoming engagement to Princess Elaine? It is truly wonderful news."

Arthur shot his father a look, "You've already told them?"

Uther looked at Arthur with a faint smile and said nothing. He looked to Ector as he carried on talking, "I have to say that seeing our crowned prince getting married reminds me of how old I am."

"Where did all the time go?" Uther stated, keeping his mild smile.

"Indeed," Ector agreed. "I surprised myself the other day when I told Kay that he ought to marry soon." He turned side-ways to look at his son, "You really ought to you know."

Kay looked up from a conversation with Percival. "I really ought to what, father?"

"Get married soon," Ector replied. "You are of age."

"I know that, father," Kay said defensively. "It's just not as easy as that to get married."

"No ladies at the court who have caught your eye, eh?" Ector questioned. Kay looked away as Lamorak sniggered boyishly. Ector turned back to Uther, "Typical of boys today—they just don't want to get married."

"No, they don't," Uther said, and glanced at Arthur. "Not like us with a sense of duty to our families."

"And they expect all the trimmings especially when it comes to love," Ector added. "I mean you can't expect to love them from the start, can you?"

"Indeed," Uther agreed. "You have to work for it."

Arthur saw Kay's cheerful face slowly melt into one of discomfort. He found it difficult to pity him. All that went through Arthur's mind at that moment were the words 'Welcome to my world.' Nonetheless he decided to speak out against the older generation in support of theirs.

"These days," Arthur said firmly, "we tend to work for love _before_ we put the ring on our fingers."

Ector laughed, "Very risky business is courting. The transaction is usually done at the end of a jagged sword."

Uther nodded, "Courting and romancing belongs in poetry."

"I'll drink to that," Ector said, raising his goblet.

Arthur rolled his eyes and turned to his father. "I need to speak with you," he said.

Uther finally agreed to speak to him privately and led him to the back of the room.

Arthur wasted no time in getting out his words, "Is it wise to tell the nobility of the match at this early stage?"

"It is hardly an early stage," Uther replied. "Besides they are all members of the Privy Council so I had to tell them. It's not the whole of the nobility."

"No disrespect to Sir Ector," Arthur said. "But as soon as he goes home and tells Lady Ector the whole palace will know about this match with Elaine."

"Given the circumstances," the king explained. "We will likely have to speed up the process of negotiations. I had to tell the Privy Council sooner or later, and I decided sooner."

Arthur swallowed. "You seem to have thought of everything, father."

"A king must think of everything," Uther replied. "One day you will have to do the same."

"I suppose," the prince replied. He clutched the money in his hands. "Father… about that money…"

"Oh!" the king said, knowing immediately what Arthur meant. "Yes, I thought it best if I took care of it. I know how awkward these things can be for people your age."

Arthur nodded slowly, "You sent the money to her on my behalf?"

"I felt it would be for the best," the king replied. "Discretion aside, I know what you're like when you try to drop a girl. I felt the embitterment was something you could avoid. We couldn't risk a scandal, Arthur. I hope you understand."

"I do just about understand," he replied quietly. "But I don't think she did."

Arthur then handed the money back to his father. Their eyes met briefly as it was handed over. Uther tried to read his son's expression but it was utterly unreadable.

Arthur could tell this returning of the money had gone completely over his father's head and that there was nothing more to say. He bowed politely and made to withdraw from the room.

However as he made his way to the door Lamorak caught his arm.

"There he is," Lamorak said, dragging him over to their circle of friends. "God, you look a misery, Arthur. Getting cold feet already?"

"Something like that," Arthur muttered with his eyes on the door.

"I never thought I'd live to see Arthur Pendragon marry," Kay admitted. "I thought the Earth would split before he'd settle down."

"Don't forget this is an _arranged_ marriage," Lamorak pointed out. "The only reason he's going up the aisle is because he's got his father forcing him up."

Arthur said nothing. He had always thought Lamorak a vulgar idiot, (despite the fact that before he began to spend more time with Merlin and Gwen he had been quite similar), but he was right about that.

Percival noticed Arthur's discomfort. "I think you've made your point, Lamorak."

Lamorak rolled his eyes, "There he goes, my older brother, teaching me how to be a goodie-goodie."

"I think we should offer our congratulations," Percival said, ignoring his brother and raising his glass.

The three gentlemen raised their goblets to their prince before all taking a sip.

Arthur felt as if he was in the middle of a bad dream. He felt alienated among his own friends. They all seemed like different people to him. Lamorak seemed twice as vulgar; Percival seemed more tolerable in his morality and Kay was just more Kay than usual.

Then it dawned on him that he was the one who had changed.

He realised he had been spending more time with Gwen or Merlin or even Morgana than he had with them. He had once been desensitised to their boyish quirks, particularly Lamorak's; now he couldn't remember why he was ever his friend.

Arthur listened to Lamorak's description of a man that picked on weaker people, put down those that challenged him and would rather eat his own heart than be tied down or share his affections with one woman. In that moment he realised that he was no longer that man.

"We need to all have a drink to celebrate the end of an era," Lamorak stated.

"We're drinking right now," Percival said.

"I meant a proper drink," Lamorak replied, and turned to Arthur and Kay. "Don't you think?"

Kay nodded. "Sure," said Arthur uncertainly.

-

Merlin sat at home, bored, as the evening drew in over Camelot. In his anger he had yelled at Arthur and thus argued himself out of a days work. On reflection Merlin wouldn't be surprised if Arthur decided to sack him after the way he had ranted and raved at him.

He actually missed not doing work; it kept him occupied and gave him a chance to cut corners by using magic. It helped him work out which spells were simple enough to demonstrate to Morgana.

Merlin looked up as the front door opened. Gwen walked in with Fach bounding in ahead of her. The little dog rushed towards Merlin eagerly and sat on his feet. He smiled and knelt down to stroke her head.

He then looked at Gwen; for a girl who had had her heart broken she looked surprisingly calm. She sat down next to him and said nothing.

"Are you alright?" he asked, unable to think of anything better to say.

She sighed, "No."

"At least you're honest," he said.

"I don't think I'll ever be alright again," she confessed.

Fach moved from Merlin's feet and climbed up onto her mistress's lap. Gwen held her pet affectionately in her arms. There was a long silence.

"I gave the money back," Merlin finally said.

"Thank you," she replied. "Did he say anything?"

"Not a lot," he confessed. "I… got a little angry at him."

Gwen tilted her head, "How angry?"

"I yelled at him."

"Oh Merlin!" she groaned. "You shouldn't have done that, not on my account."

"I know," Merlin said. "I know. It was just like a grey fog hung over my eyes and I just felt so angry for you I just let him have it."

"I didn't want to upset him either," Gwen said honestly. "You may think me a fool for it but I still love him. I think I always will love him. I can't help it."

"I don't think you're a fool," Merlin said quietly. "We can't choose who we love, can we?"

Gwen said nothing. She stared into space, deep within her thoughts. The agony of what had happened was still raw and the rip in her heart was still gapping with pain. There seemed to be no end to it.

"I still can't believe it was him," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"The money," Gwen explained. "I still don't believe he sent it. I keep thinking 'Arthur wouldn't do that. It's not his style.' Even before when I thought he was a just a jumped-up idiotic bully it wasn't his style."

"Maybe you're right—but who else could have known about you?"

Gwen shrugged. "Uther?"

"Maybe you're right," Merlin agreed. The truth was that he didn't know what to think any more. "Arthur did say that… he felt the same when I told him you still loved him."

Gwen still felt overwhelmed with the emotion that consumed her even when it was causing her pain. She never wanted to stop loving him, knowing she would miss the feeling more than to live without it and feel no pain at all.

If she had to live without Arthur then she would have to bury the feelings she had and find a man who would take her. Maybe within time she would grow to love them but she knew no man would ever be able to make her feel the same overwhelming affection.

She also knew no man would ever be able to ignite the same passion in her; they could try but they would never manage it. Arthur had a hold on her and she had a hold on him, and no one would be able to sever it.

Gwen smiled. "It doesn't matter who sent the money. The victory is mine."

At that moment Gaius came through the door. The silence between Merlin and Gwen fell once more and the old man looked between them.

"Gwen, good evening," he said.

"Good evening," she replied. "I was just leaving, actually. I just needed to talk to Merlin about something."

She got to her feet and placed Fach on the floor. The dog stood by her mistress's feet and loyally followed her towards the door.

Gaius felt a pang of sympathy for Gwen. "Are you alright?"

She stood in her tracks and turned as she forced a brave smile. "I'll be fine as long as people don't ask me if I'm alright."

-

The next day Merlin went to see Morgana.

"I thought Gwen looked a little down yesterday evening," she said after he told her what had happened. "I asked what was wrong but she wouldn't tell me—I just assumed they'd had a fight or something. I had no idea…"

"Neither did I," Merlin agreed.

They had decided to go outside and enjoy the last glimpses of summer before the autumn set in for September. The other people had the same idea, so they found a place at the side of the castle and sat down on the wall.

"I couldn't believe it when she told me," he went on. "I mean it was the last thing I expected him to do. I was so angry…"

Morgana nodded, "And you spoke to him?"

"I yelled at him."

"Oh, Merlin..."

"I know," he said guiltily. "I know I shouldn't have done it but it was as if I was blinded by anger. It was as if I felt some way responsible…"

"How so?"

"The letters."

"Oh!" Morgana had more or less forgotten about the letters. "That wasn't your fault. Besides, who's to say the letters made a difference in the long run?"

"How'd you mean?"

"The letters might have been one of many means to an end," she said. "Maybe… this was always going to happen."

"Why do you say that?"

Morgana tilted her head, "I've been thinking about that dream I had before all of this happened."

"The fire and blood dream?"

"No," she said. "I mean the one I told you about before any of this happened, before their affair, before the letters… I saw them together, married in a dream."

"I remember now… couldn't that have been just a dream?"

"It's rather convenient dream, don't you think?" she said. "I had the dream before the letter things began. Then I started to have the dreams about this conflict and you…"

Merlin looked at her, "You had dreams about me?"

She blushed and looked away. "Yes, sometimes using magic and sometimes doing something… like with the money."

Merlin looked away from her. "I wish you'd have told me before about that. I might have thought twice before I lost my temper."

"I'm sorry," Morgana said. "If I'm honest I was still feeling awkward about—" she fell silent as someone walked passed them. She lowered her voice and smiled awkwardly, "—about that kiss."

Merlin cleared his throat. "That's fair enough, I suppose."

She quickly changed the subject back to the dream, "But nearly always… it's your eyes that I see."

He smiled, "What about my eyes? They're just eyes."

"You know that's not true," she said. "Whenever I see them in my dreams, though, they're always yellow."

"Yellow?" Merlin said, confused.

She nodded. "I think it's invisible to the naked eye, though."

"Good, otherwise I think that would be a terrible tell if Uther were ever to see it!"

Morgana chuckled, "He can't see past the end of his nose let alone have eyes quick enough to notice your little tricks with time."

Merlin shook his head and laughed. "Let's get back to the point—Arthur and Gwen, your dreams, you think all of this was… pre-destined?"

"I don't know," she admitted.

Merlin couldn't help smiling, "Wouldn't it be sweet if that were true? That Arthur and Gwen were destined to love each other."

"Yes, that pay off was very cute."

Merlin sighed, "There's something about that too. I'm starting to think there's more to it. Gwen certainly seems to think there's more to it; she said that Uther might have had something to do with it."

"And what do you _really_ think?" she asked.

There was a short pause before he answered, guiltily. "I think she might be right."

Morgana nodded, "Me too."

At that moment Morgana slipped off the wall and brushed off the dust on her dress. She then took hold of Merlin's hand, trying to ignore the immediate surge of energy, and tugged him off the wall.

"Whoa!" he cried as she yanked him off his perch, "Where are we going?"

"To try and find out what the hell is going on around here."

-

Gaius hated being called inexplicably called into the king's presence. It was not a recent development; he had always hated being called upon. It usually involved him carrying out work he did not want to or requests he was not certain about. Igraine's death and Arthur's birth had been the result of these summonses.

He was always worried he would enter the throne room to find Uther was in the middle of a witchcraft trial now he had Merlin to worry about.

Uther looked up from his papers and greeted him as he entered the room. There was no sign of Merlin, or anyone else, which settled Gaius's mind slightly.

"Sire," he said. "I came as soon as I could."

"I'm glad you did," the king said. "I have something I wish to ask you."

"Yes?"

Uther stood from his throne and walked closer to Gaius. "I understand that Merlin is friends with Morgana's servant girl."

Gaius nodded, "It is only natural that two people in the same profession become friends."

"Yes I know that," the king replied. "I'm not concerned with Merlin."

That was a relief to hear, Gaius thought.

The king went on: "I'm asking you because I understand you also know the girl."

Gaius nodded again. "Gwen, yes, I knew her parents before she was born. Her mother would occasionally collect some supplies for me."

"You understand her character well?"

"I think well enough, sire."

Uther sat down at the table. "How would you say she values money?"

The old man swallowed. "It depends on what you mean by 'values'."

Outside of the throne room by the door Merlin and Morgana listened to the conversation between Uther and Gaius.

"Do you often do this?" Merlin whispered.

"Very rarely do the men in this world want to share current events with women," she explained. "This is my only way of keeping on top of things."

Inside the room Uther went on: "As you know the alliance with Lot means that I have had to tie up some of the lose ends with regards to my son's… activities."

"I recall you saying so, sire," Gaius replied.

"One of the 'lose ends' is the servant girl," Uther explained. "I offered her a substantial amount of money, one hundred silver pieces, for her silence, however she returned the money."

"I see… it is an awful lot of money."

"Maybe it wasn't enough," Uther hypothesised. "It is usually customary to offer only twenty-five at the most to someone of her station in these circumstances but I acknowledged she was a _special case_."

"With respect, sire," Gaius said. "I don't think she values money in _that_ sense. Her father was a blacksmith and her mother was the daughter of a serf. They were never poor but they certainly were never rich."

"He certainly married beneath himself," Uther remarked.

A faint smile appeared across Gaius's face. "They actually met through me, partly anyway."

"Oh?"

The old man nodded. "It was about a year before Arthur was born. I just happened to be talking to him with Gorlois and Cador when her mother came along with my supplies; a complete chance encounter. Those two frequently went to Tom for their swords and to shoe their horses, preferring him over the royal blacksmith."

Uther thought back to the old days and smiled also. "Yes, I vaguely remember that. He used to say it was the best forge in the kingdom."

"The family were the best in their trade," Gaius stated. "Before hard times fell they received a modest patronage from several high ranking men. Of course, by the time Gwen was born, that patronage mainly came from young Cador."

The king scowled as he remembered Cador. The two of them had never seen eye to eye on anything, on fewer issues than Uther had with Gorlois. He had been so promising and rational when he was a boy, but once he turned twenty-one he suddenly changed. Uther firmly believed Cador only did it to irritate those around him.

Outside the room Merlin turned to Morgana. "Who is Cador?" he asked.

"My uncle," she replied, eyes firmly fixed on Uther and Gaius.

"What happened to him?"

She looked at him. "Nothing, he's the Duke of Cornwall."

Inside the room Uther decided to change the subject slightly. "I'm surprised they were allowed to marry."

"There were some objections with her father's family," Gaius agreed. He remembered those days before and after the great purges as if it were yesterday. It made him feel so old. "I remember they married shortly before Arthur was born. I've watched Gwen since she was a little girl; she has always been cautious and modest when it came to money."

"So, you would say she refused the money on principle?"

Gaius cleared his throat. "I think principles were the last thing on her mind, sire."

The king pondered. "I see, thank you."

Merlin and Morgana looked at each other and moved away from the door. Once they were safely inside an empty room of the castle they finally spoke of what they had just heard.

"Gwen was right," Morgana said.

"Oh my God," Merlin groaned. "I made a _huge_ mistake!"

"It was easy enough to do," she told him. "Given Arthur's track record you couldn't be blamed for doing what you did. You were trying to protect Gwen."

"But I blamed him for something he didn't do," he replied. He took a deep break and shook his head, "I bet the first he'd heard about this pay off was when I started yelling and accusing him of it."

Morgana watched him brood for a moment. "I still think what you did was wonderful."

Merlin looked at her, "What did I do?"

"You stood up for Gwen," she replied. "Even though your anger was misplaced… I think it's wonderful that you would go that trouble for someone you love."

He shrugged and looked shyly away. "I didn't even think about it I just… went in there with fiery words in my mouth and no thought of what I would do."

"Like when she was accused of witchcraft?"

He smiled, "That was different; that _was_ my fault."

"You still didn't have to do it," she told him. "Not many men these days would offer their lives, even for the woman they loved."

Merlin looked at her, shocked. "I don't—I have never—"

She chuckled. "I know, Merlin. I know you don't feel _that way_ about her. I was just saying that few men would do that even for the woman they loved."

Merlin blushed. "Sorry."

He folded his arms and tried to remain focused. He became by conscious of her watching him. His embarrassment showed up clearly on his pale skin. He tried to cool it down with his hands but his palms were warm.

Morgana smiled and tilted her head.

"You know," she said as she attempted to sound general, "The way you offer up your life so freely for your friends, I wonder how far you would go to protect the woman you loved."

"I-I don't know," he said, scratching the back of his head. "I've never been in love."

Morgana folded her own arms. She was trying to compliment him but it just went over his head. He was clearly raised in a world where he was rarely praised. She felt strangely desperate to coax a reaction out of him but she didn't know what reaction she wanted.

"Never?" she said, still trying to make it sound like small talk. "Not even a crush?"

Merlin felt his heart thud in his chest. "Err… sure, plenty of those, yeah. Gaius always scolds me for it. Apparently I fall for the wrong girls."

Morgana turned to face him. "Maybe that's why you've never been in love—those other girls just aren't good enough for you."

Merlin looked at her and chuckled self-consciously. "I'm not that good."

They stood facing each other for a few seconds. It was just like all their other one-to-one conversations where they discussed an issue and ended up questioning each other, trying to size each other up and work each other out.

It had originally been about magic but now magic was a part of both of them that they just accepted. As far as Morgana was concerned she now found herself more curious about what Merlin thought of her.

As always it was Merlin who broke the silence. "I need to talk to Arthur…"

"I'll talk to Gwen."

"Okay." Again, they stood looking at each other, waiting for the other to leave first. Merlin pointed at the door. "I'll get going."

Morgana nodded, "I'll see you later."

-

While many in the castle enjoyed the last spots of summer the Knights of Camelot wished to get in some training before they had to suffer the cold winds and rain associated with Camelonian autumns and winters.

It was particularly important for the knights to train as hard as possible as with the prospect of a war breaking out over Albion they knew it was only a matter of time before some of them would be called upon to fight.

The knights ensured a place on the battlefield were people like Percival and Lamorak, who owed allegiance to their father Pellinore. Other knights such as Kay would be held back to protect Camelot along with the royal guard, much to Kay's disappointment.

Arthur knew no matter what happened he would be sent away to fight, especially if he was going to marry Elaine. It would not be his first battle as he had fought in them since he was fifteen but this would be his first large-scale war.

Instead of fearing the war's outcome Arthur decided that he would use it as a form of escapism from marriage to Elaine. If he was at war that meant he didn't have to be with her. He knew if he was lucky he might be called off to war before they managed to shove the ring on his finger. Then he might die in battle and escape the marriage altogether. It would be tragic for Camelot and for its sake he didn't want to die, but at least he would die knowing he hadn't betrayed Guinevere with the sham that was his arranged marriage.

Arthur's distance was not difficult for the knights to miss as he usually broke their noses and loosened their teeth effortlessly, but not today. He wasn't even trying, instead training by himself.

"Are you alright?" Percival finally asked.

The prince looked up and nodded. "I'm fine, thank you Percival. I'm just rather distracted today."

"We told you the other day!" Lamorak called. "He's just depressed that his days as a free man are numbered."

"Hell, I would be too!" said another knight, Pellas.

"I can't imagine settling down with one woman for the rest of my life," Lamorak went on.

"Maybe that's because you're not mature enough yet," Percival replied calmly. "The state of marriage is to be undertaken only by those willing to commit to it."

Lamorak laughed, "Have you been reading your bible again, brother?"

"I don't know why you're all laughing about the issue of marriage," Kay said, joining the conversation. "All of us will have to do it one day unless we take the vow of purity."

All of the surrounding men save for Arthur and Percival scoffed at the idea.

"If I wanted to do that I'd become a monk!" Lamorak joked.

Kay turned to Arthur.

"Of course it's a lot easier for you," he told him. "You have your bride picked for you while we have to track one down ourselves."

"Believe me," Arthur told Kay. "If you want Elaine you are more than welcome to her."

The knights laughed again, thinking he was joking.

"I told you it was cold feet," Lamorak stated. He threw down his sword and stretched pleasantly. "I'm going into town to get a drink, anyone else coming."

"I will," Pellas said, throwing down his own sword.

"Why not?" Kay said, also stretching. "Are you coming Arthur?"

Arthur sighed. He wanted a drink but he knew that if he went away with the knights he would drink himself into an embarrassing stupor. That was something he wished to avoid in the mood he was in. If he was going to drink himself senseless he wanted to do it in his room where no one could see him.

"I think I'll pass," he said distantly.

Lamorak shrugged, "Suit yourself but remember you still need to come out with us some time, relive the old times."

Arthur just nodded.

The knights began to disband and left their armour, swords and other implements with their menservants. They were all wondering where Merlin as he was usually present to take hits and blows from Arthur but none of them asked where he was.

Lamorak dumped all his things with Gregory. Percival saw this he stepped in to complain; he certainly wasn't going to get drunk in town.

"Excuse me," he said to his brother. "Gregory is my manservant, not yours."

"I'm not going all the way back to my chambers with this lot," Lamorak laughed. "Erec is still off."

Percival tilted his head, "Then maybe you shouldn't have broken his arm."

Gregory looked to Percival. "I don't mind taking it back, sire."

"Put it down," Percival ordered him. "I don't see why you should have to run around after my idiot brother."

Arthur rolled his eyes. It appeared that Gregory still hadn't grown a backbone. If it had been Merlin he would be sulking about his already large workload.

He looked over towards the castle and the pathway at the side leading to the entrance.

At that moment his heart skipped a beat as, surely enough, he saw Gwen walking along with a basket over her arm and Fach loyally trotting by her side. She was clearly trying to avoid looking at where the knights were training.

Arthur felt all his repressed emotions in his heart, stomach and mouth. He found himself reliving the pain of their enforced separation but also the longing he felt to return to the way things were only a few days ago; everything they had done, all their innocent sins he was hungry to relive, but couldn't.

Suddenly the fear of making a fool of himself was the last thing on his mind. He was entitled to be a fool in public when his freedom was about to be ripped away in marriage, especially when it wasn't to the woman he loved.

"On second thought," Arthur turned back to Kay and Lamorak. "I think I will come with you."

Kay smiled. "Brilliant!"

Lamorak grinned and dropped everything he had been holding at Gregory's feet. He turned to Percival. "I'm not going all the way home when Gregory can do it for me, your servant or not. Why have a dog if you're going to fetch the stick yourself?" Lamorak added before marching off.

Percival rolled his eyes while Arthur stared at Lamorak. He would have laughed at this behaviour a while back but now, nothing.

"Come on, Arthur," Kay said, putting his arm around his shoulders. "See you later, Percival."

"Hmm," Percival said, going back to his training. He noticed Gregory picking up Lamorak's armour. "Put it down, Gregory; we'll take it back when I'm done."

"But it'll get dirty," Gregory said.

"Oh dear!" Percival said, uninterested.

Arthur listened to this exchange as he left and smiled; good old, mature Percival.

-

"That's odd," Gwen said.

"What is?" Morgana asked. She turned around from her dresser to see Gwen staring at the fruit bowl on the dining table in the room. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," she said still puzzled. "Well, yes but it's probably just me."

"What is it?"

"Yesterday I noticed that you had a bowl full of pears but no apples," Gwen replied. She picked up her basket, which was filled with apples. "I went out this morning to get some more, and now it's all apples but no pears…"

Morgana blushed. "That is funny."

She could hardly tell Gwen that she had spent yesterday evening perfecting the simple transformation of pear into apple and apple into pear. Not only would it involve telling her about Merlin but also admitting she had rather girlishly tried to make her performance of the spell faultless to impress him.

"Never mind!" she said quickly. "You can never have too many apples."

Gwen smiled and placed the basket down. Morgana watched her continue her work as she usually would. It was the consistent work of a perfectionist, much like Morgana and her apple-pears and pear-apples. Her devotion to duty was remarkable; other women who had had an affair with a prince would have elevated themselves above everyone else. The fact that Gwen maintained her modesty showed the sincerity of her love.

Morgana sighed. "Gwen, I know it's not really my place but…"

Gwen stopped and looked at her.

"It wasn't Arthur sent that money," the lady told her. "It was Uther."

The reaction surprised the mistress as the young handmaiden simply nodded and said, "I thought so although it's nice to have it confirmed."

"How do you feel?"

"The same I imagine most people feel when a relationship ends," Gwen replied.

"So it has ended?"

"It can hardly go on given the circumstances," she said quietly. "This incident with the money aside, he's engaged to another woman of his own rank. They say she's very beautiful, proper queen material. I can't compete with that."

"Of course you can!" Morgana protested. "Arthur loves you."

"I know he does," Gwen nodded, her face finally revealed the pain she felt. "But he would still be married to Elaine; what sort of life would we lead then? If we carried on as we are now that would be adultery."

"What if it was the only way?" Morgana asked.

"I need to have some boundaries," Gwen replied. "I just know that if I don't stop now I'll never stop. The fact that Uther wished to buy me off shows he wants me out of the way."

"I don't see what it has to do with him—"

"Besides," Gwen added. "I have to imagine this is harder for Arthur than it is for me, after all he's the one who has to get married."

"But—"

"Please, my lady!" Gwen said firmly but carefully. "I'd rather not talk about it. People keep asking me if I'm okay and the more they do the more I realise I'm not okay. I just… need to get on with things."

Morgana nodded and turned back to what she was doing. "It's very selfless of you."

"Well," Gwen said quietly. "I'm not in a position to be picky."

-

Merlin decided it was time to face up to his mistake and apologise to Arthur. He went to his room to find him but there was no sign of him. The next logical place to find him was outside training with the knights. This was some sort of comfort because there was some restriction on how much Arthur could yell at him.

He made his way out to training field at the side of the castle but when there was only Percival with Gregory. They noticed him and waved him over.

"Hi Merlin," Gregory said. "Everyone was wondering where you were."

"Gregory," he replied with a smile. "Sir Percival."

"Good afternoon, Merlin," Percival said with a smile. "Can we help you with anything?"

"I was looking for Arthur," Merlin replied. "Do either of you know where he is?"

"He left about an hour ago with my brother and a few of the other knights to get a drink in town," Percival told him. He stretched, "I think I'm going to go inside now."

Merlin wondered whether to go and look for Arthur or wait until he came back. He turned to see Gregory struggling to pick up both Percival and Lamorak's equipment. That helped him decide; he would help him carry everything back their chambers and find Arthur later.

On the way back Gregory spoke to Merlin.

"Have you noticed how weird Gwen is acting today?" he said.

Merlin looked at him, "How'd you mean?"

"I don't know," he said. "She just seems to be really down."

"She probably is down," Merlin replied, thinking of Arthur again. "Why are you so interested?"

Gregory blushed. "Nothing."

-

"Why don't you just move down here with me?" scoffed the dragon the moment he saw Gaius emerge from the narrow tunnel. "You visit me more often than the boy ever did."

"You speak in the past tense," Gaius replied.

"The boy and I discovered we had… artistic differences," the dragon retorted, still angry about Merlin's choice to shun him. "Well, what is it?"

"You don't know?"

"It may surprise you to know that I don't know everything," the dragon stated.

"You've said that before."

"Then stop asking me if I know what you want before you say it."

Gaius put down the touch he was carrying and looked at the dragon. "You told me once before that Arthur was destined to love Gwen…"

"And he is," the dragon said. "What is your point?"

"The engagement between Arthur and Elaine…"

"It is of no significance," the dragon replied. "Elaine is destined for another purpose."

"What is this purpose?"

"She will be the wife, the sister and the mother of a great knight," the dragon stated.

"I hope that is three different knights."

"Naturally."

"But what about the alliance between Camelot and Orkney?" Gaius asked. "A war between the kingdoms of Albion is imminent."

The dragon sniggered, "That war shall be the turning point of a brand new world. I have been hoping and waiting for the last twenty years that it would come. It will see the rebirth of Albion."

"How long will these wars last?" Gaius asked.

"It shall be a while yet," he told him. "Possibly after you are gone."

"I'm an old man," Gaius said. "I wonder at times if I shall see next year."

"If it's any consolation," the dragon said with a sense of cheer in his voice. "Very few of the men who created this situation will live to see its outcome."

Gaius stared at him. "This is the moment you have been waiting for, isn't it?"

"As I said," the dragon replied. "I have waited twenty years for this. You should be proud too; this will be the moment the boy becomes the man. It's such a pity you failed to heed my advice about the girl…"

"Are you talking about Morgana?"

"You know I am," the dragon replied. "Keep an eye on her, and never let Merlin reveal to her the invincible spell."

Gaius was taken aback; the dragon knew that Merlin had uncovered the spell. He claimed not to know everything and yet he knew that. He sometimes wondered whether the dragon had 'selective foresight'. "I wouldn't be so foolish," he snapped.

"You have not heeded my words up until now," the dragon growled back. "I suggest you start doing so."

-

Over dinner that evening Merlin noticed Gaius seemed distant in his thoughts. He did not want to say anything because it usually meant Gaius was contemplating how much trouble Merlin was in. However after a supper of stony silence Merlin broke it by asking what was wrong. It was odd, like the roles were reversed.

"Is there something wrong Gaius?"

He looked at Merlin. "Are you still teaching Morgana to use magic?"

Merlin scratched the back of his head. "I haven't had a chance for a while what with… one thing and another."

"Arthur and Gwen?"

He nodded, "But yes I'm still teaching her."

"And you haven't been showing her any of the harder spells?" Gaius asked curiously.

Merlin chuckled, "No!"

"Are you sure?"

"Gaius, she still finds it hard to turn apples into pears and when I taught her to make fire she nearly set her hair alight."

Gaius sniggered although he knew he should not. "I was just checking; I know what you're like."

"Most of my spells are far too advanced for her," Merlin told him. "And even if she could do them I wouldn't show her the dangerous ones. I wouldn't dare."

"Because of her?"

"And you," Merlin replied with a grin.

Gaius nodded. "Alright, Merlin, I believe you."

"Thank you," Merlin replied with his comical smile. He quickly looked out the window and looked back at Gaius. "What time is it?"

"It's coming up for seven," Gaius replied. Merlin got up and rushed for the door. "Do you need to be somewhere?"

"I need to find Arthur," he replied.

"Don't you know where he is?"

"He went out with the other knights but he hasn't come back yet," Merlin explained. "At least that's what Percival told me."

Gaius scowled. "Did you have an argument?"

"You make it sound as if we're ten years old!"

"Then you should both stop acting like you are," Gaius retorted. "What happened?"

Merlin looked sheepishly at Gaius. "After Gwen was given that money we all thought it had come directly from Arthur. I returned it to him on her behalf and I _may_ have yelled at him."

"May have?"

"Yes, 'may have' meaning 'did'."

Gaius rolled his eyes. "Merlin!"

"I'm sorry," the boy sulked. "I thought he deserved it at the time. I could have said a lot worse than I did, though."

"Merlin, you could have lost your job…"

"Like I said," Merlin replied. "I did it for Gwen, but now I know my mistake I have to apologise. If Arthur still loves Gwen and is my friend he of all people will understand my reasons."

"Be sure to catch him in a good mood."

"If I can find him," Merlin said.

The young warlock made his way towards Arthur's chambers knowing that around this time he was usually there either with his 'friends' or alone thinking up new evil designs to put Merlin through. A few days ago he would probably have been with Gwen somewhere, but that was obviously off the table.

However, when he got to the room it was empty. There was no sign that Arthur or anyone else had been there since he had checked that afternoon.

Merlin felt worry in his chest; where was Arthur?

He decided to check places in the castle he would usually find Arthur. He knew it was too late to be outside in the fields and it was not Arthur's night for guard duty so he wouldn't be in the courtyard.

Merlin thought to check the throne room, the council room and the dining room. These were the three places Arthur seemed to spend a lot time over the last few weeks.

The first port of call was the dining room but on inspection he saw that the table being cleared and the servants said Arthur had not been there. Similarly he received odd looks from the guards standing by the throne room as he peeked in as the servants were beginning to light the candles. None of them had seen Arthur either.

The final place was the Privy Council chambers.

Merlin hated the council room; it was a frightening sight even if Uther was there alone never mind he _and_ his 'fan club' of councillors. It was completely empty except for a few papers sprawled out over the table and flickering candles illuminating the room.

After one final peak he decided Arthur was not there and closed the door. He stood there for a minute, really starting to worry about where his master was.

"Merlin!" came a booming voice.

Merlin's blood turned to ice as he turned around to face a scowling Uther stood right in from of him. At the king's side stood Áedh, the ambassador for Orkney.

"Sire…" the young servant said nervously.

"Where is my son?" the king demanded.

Merlin stared at him; if Uther didn't know and he didn't know… where the hell _was_ Arthur?

"Your son?" Merlin repeated. "Prince Arthur?"

Uther gritted his teeth, not in the mood for the boy's idiocy. "Yes, that's him. Where is he?"

"I don't know," Merlin said blankly.

"You don't know?"

"I don't know."

Uther closed in on him, "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean," the servant said, very nervous. "I don't know. He didn't tell me where he was going…"

The king glowered at the young servant. He admired the boy's loyalty to Arthur but at the tender age of nineteen he had shown supreme stupidity and foolishness. The king could only hope the boy would grow out of it when he finally became a man—if he made it that far.

"Well," Uther finally said. "I suggest you find him."

"I was trying to, sire…"

"Then keep trying!"

"Yes sire!" Merlin replied quickly.

He scurried off as fast as he could down the corridor under the flaring eyes of Uther and Áedh. The two older men watched him go before entering the council room and continuing their conversation.

"It seems the prince is not adjusting too well to the prospect of marriage to our royal princess," Áedh said knowingly.

Uther shook his head. "I must apologise for his behaviour, I certainly wouldn't want Lot to get the wrong idea about him."

"Oh there is no risk of that," Áedh said with a smile. "My queen holds her nephew in great affection. She says he reminds her of herself."

Uther cringed although in many ways he had to admit it was true. "Arthur is usually the first to do his duty to Camelot and to his people," the king continued. "I have no doubt that he will do so even now but…"

"Yes, sire?"

"It's just this girl…"

Áedh tilted his head. "Girl?"

The king sat at the table and sighed. "A maidservant, my ward Morgana's maid to be precise."

"Ah, yes, I know who you mean," Áedh remarked as the image of the modest young woman came to his mind. "Does she have a name?"

"Gwen," Uther said. "At least, that's what she's known as colloquially. I can never remember her full name, which is remarkable because my son calls her by it frequently. It's a very pretty sounding name."

"And you say this girl is your son's mistress?"

"She was," the king replied. "I put an end to it, naturally."

"Indeed," the ambassador agreed. "I suppose it would be rather embarrassing for my princess to find herself being compared to a serving girl. That said it is nothing _too_ terrible after all many men have a mistress, in some cases several."

"Hmm," the king said. "I don't know what it is but this girl seems to… have a _hold_ on him."

Áedh listened carefully. "Is he in love with her?"

"I have no idea," Uther replied. "He very rarely remains interested in a woman once he had, to put it bluntly, had his way with her."

"Most men his age are like that," Áedh replied.

"But he hasn't lost interest in this one," Uther explained. "I'm not certain how it all began but I know that it has been going on for months now. At first I felt discretion was the best option but given the nature of the circumstances I felt it best if you knew."

"Indeed, sire."

Uther paused for a moment to think. "It is strange how he is faced with an engagement to one of the most beautiful princesses in Albion as well as a court is filled with beautiful young women of his own status… and he chooses a servant girl. A pretty servant girl but still a servant girl…"

Áedh watched the king's rhetorical musing before he spoke up. "Do you mind if I say something, sire?"

"Speak freely."

"With no disrespect to the ladies of your court or my princess," the man began, "beautiful girls rarely make good wives. The strongest love is a bond developed over time and unseen. There is no such thing as real love at first sight. Passion and attraction, but not love."

Uther agreed with this philosophy. "I suppose you are right."

"If this girl has a hold on him then he won't forget about her overnight," he replied.

"So, what action would you suggest?"

Áedh smiled knowingly. "It is not the place of the Orcadian ambassador to advise the king of Camelot."

"And he wouldn't take your advice anyway," Uther replied with an equally knowing smile. He gestured for the ambassador to continue. "You are a go between for Anna and myself, therefore I would appreciate your opinion."

"Well," the ambassador began. "I would do nothing for now. There is a chance that the relationship will cool off if you have put a stop to it. However if it continues then encourage discretion—at the end of the day it doesn't matter as long as he still marries Elaine."

Uther nodded, relaxed by the understanding attitude Áedh was painting of the situation. "But if the girl interferes…?"

Áedh glanced at the king carefully. "I would say, in that case, my queen would be very interested to know about the situation. How you deal with it, of course, is entirely up to you, sire."

The king smiled and nodded once again. "Thank you, Áedh."

-

Merlin did not know where else to look after he had searched the obvious areas of the castle. In the end he could think of nothing better than to ask Morgana if she has any idea about where he could be.

He sprinted up the stairs and was about to knock on the door when it opened. Morgana stood at the door. He nearly leapt out of his skin. It seemed every time he went to her chambers she was standing by the door waiting.

"God, I wish you wouldn't do that!" he complained.

"I felt you coming," she said whispered back.

Merlin blushed slightly but the dimness of the stairway hid it. "I'm not bothering you?"

"No, I was just getting ready to go to bed."

"It's a bit early for that, isn't it?"

"I wanted to get an early night," she replied. "I thought about what you said about my drinking and decided it would do me better to settle down early rather than drinking myself to sleep late at night."

Merlin seemed flattered. "Wow, following my advice?"

Morgana smiled. "Yes, I am. So, what's wrong?"

"I can't find Arthur," he said.

"Have you tried looking for him?"

Merlin chuckled, "Yes, that thought _had_ crossed my mind. I've looked everywhere and he's no where."

"He must be _somewhere_."

"I've looked everywhere he could be and I can't find him."

Morgana's face became more serious. She stepped out of her bedroom and closed the door a jar, "Are you sure you looked everywhere?"

"In castle."

"Maybe he's… out."

"He's been 'out' since this afternoon," Merlin said worriedly. "Listen, you haven't seen or heard from him have you?"

"No," Morgana said quietly. "I haven't heard from him all day…"

"My lady?" came a voice from within the room.

The door opened and Gwen emerged from behind the door. The moment she saw Merlin she knew something was wrong. "Is everything alright?"

She looked between Merlin and Morgana. Then Merlin stated that everything was fine with such forced enthusiasm that made Gwen worry more.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," Morgana said with the same voice as Merlin.

"You are both such terrible liars," Gwen said, tilting her head. The three of them stood in silence. She looked at Merlin, "Is there something wrong with Arthur?"

"No," he said quickly.

"Merlin, what—"

"Gwen," Morgana said soothingly. "Could you rush over to Gaius's chambers and collect my sleeping draft? I forgot to collect it earlier."

Gwen knew she was trying to get rid of her, but she nodded reluctantly. "Yes, of course," she muttered and she walked off towards Gaius's chambers, the whole time wondering what was wrong. She knew it had to be about Arthur else Merlin wouldn't look so worried.

They waited until Gwen was gone before they spoke again.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said. "If I'd known I'd have brought it myself."

Morgana put her finger to her lips. "I only said it so that Gwen doesn't hear. I don't want her worrying about Arthur now; she's having a tough time as it is."

Merlin nodded and leant closer to whisper: "Uther asked me to look for him. I'm pretty sure if I don't I'll end up in the stocks over night."

Morgana nodded, "So what do you want from me?"

"I know he's not in the castle," Merlin told her. "He must be somewhere in town. This afternoon when I tried looking for him Percival said that he had gone with the knights to get a drink."

"Oh!" she said with realisation. "In that case I'd look for him there—it's not like him to drink so long or late but given the blow he's taken over the last few days…"

"Right," Merlin said with a gawky smile. He turned to leave when he stopped suddenly and turned back. "Where am I looking for him? There are lots of places you can get a drink in this city."

"You should know," Morgana said cattily. "You spend Saturday night trying them out."

Merlin rolled his eyes but smiled. "Could you narrow down the search for me?"

"If he's gone with the knights then I'd say it'll be the one in the upper quarter of town," she explained. "You remember the one you, Gwen and I went to when we tried come up with a plan to sneak the druid boy out of Camelot?"

It finally dawned on him. "Great, thanks."

He rushed off again quickly down the stairs when Morgana called after him. "Merlin!"

"Hmm?" he said, looking up from the bottom.

"Be careful," she advised him. "If he's been out since this afternoon he's almost certainly drunk."

"I'll remember that," he replied with a smile. "Sweet dreams!"

Morgana laughed sarcastically and watched him go before she closed the door.

Merlin made sure to go a different route to the one Gwen had taken to ensure he wouldn't cross paths with her and have to explain what was going on. He didn't want her to worry either, especially if Arthur was trying to drink himself into a happier mood.

He hated walking along the streets in the evening. It was the moment the shops closed, guards patrolled and people that only worked at night, those of ill repute, took to streets. They had been few and far between since Arthur had led the reforms in the city guard but they were still ever present.

Then again Merlin had nothing worth stealing.

Once he had reached his destination he walked cautiously in, worried that he might not find Arthur in there either. If he wasn't then he truly was lost to the world. Obviously, he had to turn up eventually but Merlin would be slaughtered if he didn't find him tonight.

He stood at the entrance and scanned the room carefully. It was a weekday evening so it was starting to get busy. He walked further in and tried to find Arthur, or any of the knights. There were artisans, palace guards and servants having a laugh and discussing their day at work, but no knights and no prince.

Merlin felt defeated.

He span around one last time when he finally spotted Arthur sitting alone in the corner of the room. Merlin felt a sigh of relief escape him and he went straight over. When he finally reached his master's side, however, he went unnoticed. Arthur was staring into space, completely distracted from his surroundings.

"Sire," Merlin said. There was no response other than a disenchanted groan. He reached over and shook him by the shoulder. "Arthur, can you hear me?"

Arthur looked at Merlin but said nothing. His mind felt heavy in his head, the backs of his eyes were hurting and he had to squint them to focus his vision. He tried to string a sentence together in his mind but it came out disconnected.

"Oh," he muttered through a dry mouth. "It's you."

It was obvious to Merlin that Arthur had taken more than he could handle. He shook his head and moved to get him to his feet. "Come on we're going home."

"Yes, 'darling'."

Merlin rolled his eyes; even when he was drunk Arthur still had a sense of humour.

The manservant put all his strength into and managed to get Arthur to his feet. He had never had to support his master in a drunken state. Arthur just did not do things like this, but now he was like the ghost of someone who had just died.

"Do you know what what's-his-name called me?" Arthur asked Merlin.

Merlin tried to hurl Arthur to his feet. "No, what?"

Arthur had not moved from that spot in over four hours. He did not even move when the other knights moved on, some to go home and some to go off elsewhere. Arthur didn't know where but he had a feeling it was to women of ill repute. Lamorak had mocked his choice not to go with them.

"He said I was a mick in the stud…"

"You mean 'a stick in the mud'?" Merlin gritted out, trying to keep Arthur up. "God, you're not exactly light, are you?"

"Maybe you're just weak!" Arthur gave a parched laugh before a sudden thought dawned on him. "Wait a second I… I thought you weren't, you know, _what is it?_ Talking to me."

Merlin ignored him and tried to keep Arthur walking. The evening had just started to set in as they made their way out onto the streets.

"What were you doing in there so long?" Merlin asked, not expecting an answer.

"Thinking," the master replied anyway.

"A dangerous pass time for you," Merlin said, trying to make a joke. "And enjoying a drink?"

"Not enjoying," Arthur murmured back. "The more I drink…the more I think."

They walked further along in silence.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Merlin finally said. He might not have found the courage to say it so easily had Arthur not been intoxicated. "I know it was the king who sent the money to Gwen, not you. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Arthur suddenly led out a loud and frustrated moan at the mention of his father. He found the strength to stand up straighter but put all his weight on Merlin, who stumbled as a result.

"Damn him," Arthur growled through his teeth. "Damn my father, _damn him_. I've had enough of him…"

Someone walking by stopped to stare at them. Merlin waved them off with an innocent smile before he tried to push their walking forward again. "Sire, quiet!" he said. "You may be the crowned prince but you can't say things like that in the street."

"I don't care anymore," Arthur muttered solemnly. "Camelot is all I have now. If I can't share my thoughts with it, then what's the point?"

Merlin swallowed. "Arthur, I know you're upset right now. I know why you're angry with your father," (And Merlin was angry too although he wouldn't say it), "and I know why you've got yourself into this state—_but it doesn't solve anything_."

"Don't worry," Arthur assured him. "I won't make a habit of it—I hate this. I just wanted to _forget_…"

"Forget what?"

"Forget this _whole_ situation!" Arthur snapped.

He broke away from Merlin with passionate force and somehow managed to stand on his own feet. Although his speech was still slurred he spoke as if his words had a divine purpose:

"I want to forget I am being sold for marriage," he stated. "Forget there's a war about to break out; forget my father tried to buy off the woman I—_oh, dear god_—behind my back…"

Arthur span around to face Merlin who watched as if he were a bewildered audience member of a tragic comedy.

"Forget that I am me," he concluded with certainty. "Yes, _me_. Arthur, the greatest idiotic _prat_ that ever lived!"

And, as if on cue, Arthur lost his bearing, flumped to the ground and landed on his back. Merlin rushed to his side to help him up. He listened to Arthur groaning from his fall and from the torment in his mind.

"—I'd rather die _right now_ than be without her," he garbled incoherently. "I should have _told her_ more often—"

Merlin tried to pull him but unsuccessfully, "Arthur…"

"You're right," he went on dejectedly. "I really _am_ insensitive."

The young servant pitied Arthur; for the first time in all the time he had known him Merlin had never seen Arthur so helpless. Even when Arthur had been dying from the questing beast's bite he hadn't looked quite so vulnerable.

Merlin took hold of him from under his arms and used all his strength to hoist him back up again.

"It's alright," he said soothingly. "We'll be home soon."

* * *


	16. Part 16

**Hello faithful reviewers. I'm sorry I didn't get this new chapter up sooner only I lost my computer for a few days because it just broke down. I only got it back yesterday. Then I forgot this fic was due for an update on Monday. Sorry, everyone!**

* * *

"I just didn't know whom else to tell," Merlin explained as he led Gaius to Arthur's chambers. "I've never really had to handle a drunken Arthur before."

It had taken an eternity for Merlin to get Arthur home. The two of them had stumbled along the castle passageways until they finally reached Arthur's chambers. Merlin had felt so relieved that he nearly dropped his master in the doorway. Arthur was only half awake and Merlin had been forced to lug his master to his bed. The performance went on further as the servant dragged off the prince's boots. He attempted to make Arthur more comfortable in his stupor when he began to complain that his head was spinning. That was the point Merlin gave up and decided to find Gaius.

"I mean," Merlin went on as they entered the room, "I didn't want to put him to bed until you'd checked him. He's been drinking but I don't know how much."

Gaius leant over Arthur to check him; the ale was strong on his breath. The old man shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with him. He just drank too much but it's certainly done him no damage. All it has done is put him to sleep, which is probably for the best."

Merlin perched on a table. "It's so unlike him," he muttered between his fingers. "He did say that this was a one time thing and he wouldn't do it again, though."

"That's good," Gaius replied. "He's going to wish he'd never done it in the first place when he wakes up tomorrow."

"So, it'll be a bad hangover?" Merlin asked.

"For him, yes" the old man said. "Of course, it would be an average Sunday morning for you."

Merlin pouted. It was true that he always suffered from bad hangovers, but that was because he just couldn't hold his drink whereas Arthur always could. It was a testament to how much he must have drank tonight.

"Should we tell the king?"

"I doubt it would do much good."

"I think that was the point of the exercise."

Gaius looked up, "You think Arthur did this on purpose?"

Merlin nodded. "You know as well as I do that Arthur cares about the way other people see him, especially his father. He'd _never_ do this ordinarily."

"I suppose you're right," Gaius agreed.

Merlin sighed and looked over at Arthur. "I've never seen him so vulnerable. I know that he wants to do right by Camelot, but this whole thing with this princess…"

"Elaine of Orkney," the old man said firmly.

"It's confused him," he finished.

Gaius sighed. "Indeed, it seems that what Arthur wants and what is best for Camelot differs this time."

"I disagree," Merlin replied, thinking of what Morgana told him. "It's really a difference in what Arthur wants and what his father wants. I don't think the marriage with Elaine is the best for Camelot."

Gaius shook his head. The words echoed those of the dragon but he knew that everything he said was wise but had to be taken with a pinch of salt. He also knew that the dragon was self-serving, something Merlin was not. In his own mind Gaius felt that, for once, Uther was right and a strong alliance with Orkney would see Camelot through the worst of the Rheged conflict.

"Merlin," he finally said. "I understand your loyalty to Gwen, but through a political point of view…"

"Yes, politically Uther maybe right" Merlin conceded. "But he's wrong when it comes to destiny."

"The word of the moment," Gaius said. "Why do you say that?"

He knew Merlin couldn't have heard it from the dragon like he had, since the dragon had indicated that he and Merlin were no longer on speaking terms. Gaius knew there was only one other source Merlin would quote.

"It was something Morgana told me," he said.

Just as I suspected, Gaius thought. "What did she tell you?"

"She said that she thinks Arthur and Gwen were destined to fall in love with each other," Merlin explained. "She said that she saw them together, in the future, in a dream before the business with the letters even happened."

"Couldn't that have just been a dream?"

"When Morgana first told me about the dream Arthur and Gwen hardly spoke to each other," Merlin replied. "She not only had the dream just before the letters but just before they started to interact more and become friends with each other."

Gaius was unconvinced. "You think Morgana saw the future when she saw Arthur and Gwen together?"

"It had to have been," the young warlock stated. "I had forgotten but when she reminded me I recalled how she said they weren't just together in the future but married and Gwen was Arthur's queen."

"She said Gwen was the queen?" Gaius asked, and Merlin nodded.

Gaius felt a shot of realisation rush through him and he finally came to terms with the fact that what the dragon had told him several months ago when he had first asked about Gwen's role in the destiny was true. The old lizard's words echoed in his head: she would be Arthur's first, last and greatest love.

It was a remarkable and romantic thought that a girl who came from so little could rise to such heights.

"It would be a wonderful story if it was true."

"I think it is true," Merlin said.

"Merlin, really" Gaius said, rolling his eyes. "As noble as Gwen is the idea is absurd…"

"But the things Morgana has seen in her dreams are starting to come true! Maybe, rather than Gwen being the hurdle in Uther's grand scheme, _his_ plan is the thing that is tripping up destiny."

Gaius nodded slowly. "I admit many of the things Morgana sees in her dreams do come to pass…"

"They do!" Merlin agreed. "She foresaw the conflict in Rheged, the fact that Gwen would be given money and that I would lose it at Arthur because of it. If she saw all of that then the other things in her dream might happen too."

"That aside," Gaius said firmly and indicated over to the bed where Arthur still lay sleeping. "What good does this all do Arthur? Uther has decided that Arthur shall marry Elaine."

Merlin looked over at his master and sighed, feeling pity for him and the situation he was in. He could not imagine what it was to be torn between duty to his country and duty to the woman he loved.

"I don't know," the young man said. "All I do know is that this is all taking a toll on Arthur. I think deep down he knows this alliance with Elaine is wrong but he doesn't understand why because on face value it seems logical."

"Like an innate instinct?" Gaius suggested.

Merlin looked at him. "You believe in destiny, don't you?"

"I have respect for the influence it has on people," Gaius agreed, the scientific side of his mind warning him against full belief. "I think it plays a stronger role in the lives of people like you rather than ordinary people."

Merlin walked over to Arthur's bedside and shook his head. "Either way, this is entirely Uther's fault. I just wish he wasn't so-so—_ignorant_."

-

It had taken a while before Morgana had felt tired enough to fall asleep. She had lain in her bed thinking about her dreams and real life. It scared her how the two realities were starting to cross over. She worried about going to sleep; afraid of what she might see, afraid she might dream and afraid she might not dream.

A light shone in from the next room where Gwen was sitting, looking out the window and waiting for the nightmare to begin. She knew that if Morgana was 'getting an early night' she was probably looking to have a dream, which meant Gwen would have to pick up the pieces when she woke up.

The trouble was that while Gwen could be a comfort to her, these dreams were just dreams and had no meaning.

Morgana disliked being such a hassle to Gwen, especially after everything she was going through. Part of the fear she felt about going to sleep was dreaming of what might happen to Gwen, or Arthur, or even Merlin.

It was an hour before she finally felt tired enough to stop thinking. Finally, after a while of blank thinking, she drifted off to sleep.

Gwen poked her head around the door to see how Morgana was and was relieved to see her sleeping peacefully.

She quietly returned to look out the window over Camelot. The sky was black and the city was illuminated with touches and lamps. She saw the extra city guards marching through the streets, lighting up even the darkest corners. It had certainly made it safer to walk home.

Gwen felt movement under her chair and looked down. Fach emerged from under her skirts and looked up at her, blankly. Gwen looked back at her and smiled, wondering what she was thinking. She's probably wondering why we haven't gone home yet, Gwen thought.

"Are you bored?" she asked the dog, quietly.

Fach wagged her tail and went on staring at her. Gwen sighed, stroked her head and looked back out of the window.

Gwen wondered if her life would be filled with moments of remorse and regret and wondering what might have been. It was hard to see past the situation as it was now. It was hard to be optimistic about the future.

She sighed.

All she could do was hope the pain would go away, but it just wouldn't. There were moments when she was so wrapped up in her thoughts that the pain was dulled, but it never went completely.

There were not enough words in the world to describe how she felt about herself or where she could go from there. She did not know whether to feel ashamed, angry or heartbroken; she felt all three at different times.

The only thing she could imagine now was to drift through life. Even if something bad were to happen to her it could not compare to the torturous limbo she existed in now.

Gwen scooped down and pulled Fach onto her lap. She was glad of the dog's company even if she was just a dog. The way she stared blankly around gave her a sense of comfort. She stroked the little dog in gratitude.

Yet at the same time everything she had said to Morgana was true. She could not imagine ever living without the love she felt for Arthur, and ultimately she did not want to be without it. Even in the pain she felt over losing him, the thought of him made her smile.

That was one thing Uther could not take away from her.

Gwen sat looking out the window for a while before she heard a sharp call of her name from behind her. "Gwen!" it said. She snapped her head around and saw Morgana standing there, a look of desperation in her face. It was especially unusual as very rarely did Morgana rise from bed after a nightmare, but merely scream and wait until she came.

She looked at her quizzically, "Morgana?"

"Gwen," Morgana said. Gwen rose from her chair as she rushed up to her. "I know this may sound strange but I need you to find Merlin, now."

Gwen was confused, "Merlin, but why?"

"I wish I could tell you," Morgana replied. "I hate asking you to do this at night but I need to talk to him. It has to be him."

The handmaiden was apprehensive about Morgana's desire to speak to Merlin. She knew that the two of them were friends and that they spoke frequently in secret about things Gwen knew nothing about. Arthur had joked about it but the nature of their relationship did make her wonder what was between them.

Gwen was tempted to ask Morgana about her nightmare, (which as far as Gwen knew was just a nightmare), and what she had seen but she realised there was no point.

"I'll go and find him," she said.

Before she left Gwen lit the candles in the room and handed Morgana a cup of willow water to calm her down before she set off to find Merlin. She hated leaving Morgana on her own after one of the nightmares, as she always seemed to become hysterical and irrational.

This time Morgana sat at the end of her bed in silence, however. That made Gwen even more nervous.

Gwen felt it was too late for Merlin to still be working so she made her way to Gaius's chambers. It was too early for them both to be in bed but it was still getting late, so she knocked on the door carefully before going in.

Inside, she saw Gaius sitting at his table reading a book. He seemed surprised to see her. "Gwen, what brings you here?"

Gwen did not know what to say. It occurred to her that Gaius knew about the money, and had probably been told by Uther as well as by Merlin, so she felt awkward despite the fact the reason for her visit had nothing to do with her.

"I was looking for Merlin," she said quietly.

Gaius regarded her for a moment. "He's not here right now, is there anything I can do?"

She shrugged. "I don't know; it was Morgana who sent me."

His forehead creased, "What does she want with Merlin at this time?"

"She said she couldn't tell me," she replied. "All she did say was that she needed to talk to Merlin now."

Gaius sighed; if Morgana 'couldn't tell' Gwen why she wanted to see Merlin it could only been because she had a dream. The dragon had warned him to keep them apart and Gaius wondered if it had something to do with Morgana's dreams.

"He's at Arthur's chambers," he told her.

"Oh," was all she mustered. Gwen's heart leapt at the thought of seeing Arthur after all that had happened. They had only spoken that morning but it felt like days.

Gaius saw Gwen's anxiety and stood up. "I'll go with you to collect him."

They walked down the dimly lit corridors of the castle in silence. When they finally reached Arthur's chambers Gwen stopped outside, staring at the door. Her chest felt nothing but anxiety. The old man saw her apprehension and spoke up before they went in, "I wouldn't worry—Arthur is asleep."

That surprised Gwen. "It's still early for Arthur to be asleep, is he alright?"

Gaius said nothing; she would find out soon enough.

He opened the door and they both walked in to see Merlin sitting on the edge of the table watching Arthur. Gwen almost did not notice Merlin as her eyes fell straight away on Arthur.

Merlin jumped to his feet when he noticed Gwen. "What's wrong; what are you doing here?"

Gwen tore her eyes away from Arthur to address him. "Morgana sent me to find you," she then looked back to her former lover. "Is he alright?"

Merlin sighed. "There's nothing wrong, exactly."

She stared at him, waiting for a response. "What is it?"

"He's drunk," Gaius declared.

Gwen felt relieved that he wasn't ill or in any danger. When Merlin came to Morgana's chambers she feared the worst before she realised that even they wouldn't hide the worst from her if it involved Arthur.

"He just drank a bit more than he's used to," Merlin assured her. "I wouldn't worry as he said he wouldn't make a habit of it… before he fell over. I just thought I'd stay here and make sure he was alright."

Gwen smiled despite herself and looked back at Arthur. "Why did he do this to himself?" she said distantly.

Merlin lowered his eyes and cleared his throat. "I think this whole thing has just got to him."

Gwen sighed sadly. "So, this is my fault?"

"No, no!" Merlin protested. "It's not your fault—it's Uther's fault!"

"Merlin!" Gaius scolded.

"Well, it's true!" the young man retorted. He then chuckled and turned back to a rather confused Gwen. "I've never seen him like this; he was shouting in the street about how he's 'had enough' of father. I half expected him to call for revolution!"

Gwen managed to smile again. "He does get rowdy when he's drunk."

"Does he?" Merlin said. "I've never actually seen him drunk before."

She shook her head. "He can normally hold it, but when he drinks too much he starts blurting out things he'd never say while sober."

"Expressing his feelings has never been Arthur's strong point."

Gwen tilted her head. "That's because he's shy."

Both Merlin and Gaius, who had been watching the exchange in interest, nearly burst out laughing. Even though Gaius had known him since birth he had never seen Arthur as shy.

"He is shy," Gwen protested. "When you're brought up surrounded by people showering you with insincere affection while your father drags you up, it's bound to stunt your ability to show your emotions."

Merlin smiled. "You're too sweet for your own good sometimes, Gwen."

There was a short pause as Merlin and Gwen exchanged looks. Gwen knew why she had been so taken with Merlin once; he was angelic. She still felt a rush of affection for him even now although it was nothing like the one she felt for Arthur. If Morgana had fallen for Merlin, Gwen thought, it was no surprise to her.

"Morgana has had another dream," she finally told Merlin. "She wants you to come and see her immediately."

Merlin felt his heart skip a beat. He looked curiously at Gaius, who stood with his arms folded, scowling at the younger generation.

"I see," he finally said, "Why me?"

"She said she couldn't tell me," she explained. "She just wanted you to come, now."

Merlin knew that if Morgana desperately wanted to see him it could only mean she had seen something significant. He did not want to leave Arthur in this state but he needed to speak to Morgana.

Gwen noticed how he looked longingly at Gaius, trying to convince him to stay with Arthur until he got back. The old man looked as if he was about to relent when Gwen suddenly spoke up. "You both go and I'll stay here with Arthur."

Merlin and Gaius looked at her in surprise. It had been just moments ago that Gwen was too frightened to face Arthur alone. Suddenly, she was willing to stay with him while he slept off his drunken state.

"You don't have to," Merlin said.

"I know but I want to."

"Are you sure?" Gaius asked.

"Yes," she said firmly. "I don't want to leave him alone like this."

The words were those of a devoted lover, not one that had been cast aside only that afternoon. In one moment it was like all the pain she felt was forgotten and all she could think about was Arthur's torment at being caught between his father, his kingdom and her.

Merlin stood beside her and tilted his head. "Are you sure Morgana won't mind?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "Morgana doesn't need me; she wouldn't have asked for you if she did."

"She needs both of us," he replied.

"I'm the same to her as you are to Arthur," Gwen told him. "We are their friends but we are still their servants, whereas to her you're something… different."

Merlin did not know what she meant by it although he agreed on some level. In some ways he saw Morgana as an ally as well as a friend. There was a connection between them that seemed to go beyond the one he felt with Gwen or even with Arthur. It had to be because they both had the gift.

He took one last look at Arthur before nodding and going to the door. "Okay, if you're sure."

"I'm positive," she said.

Gwen watched him disappear out the door before she met eyes with Gaius. He looked between Arthur and Gwen curiously before he too nodded and walked out the door, closing it behind him. She was left alone with Arthur and there was nothing to do other than sit beside him and watch him.

Outside the room the pair once again exchanged looks.

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Merlin asked.

"Gwen is old enough to decide for herself," Gaius assured him. "It is not our place to interfere, and you are not Gwen's keeper."

The young man nodded. "I know but… I just don't want to see her or Arthur getting hurt again."

"You are not his keeper either," Gaius told him.

Merlin chuckled. "Now, that's where you're wrong, Gaius. I am Arthur's keeper. That's my destiny, remember?"

Gaius hated the mention of destiny as it reminded him of the dragon. He had told him to drive a wedge between Merlin and Morgana, but here he was allowing his young protégé to meet with the woman who would supposedly do the damage in the middle of the night, something that would probably cause a stir, magic or not. Uther had been very interested in the pair before he had been distracted by Arthur's affair with Gwen.

Merlin waved his hand in front of Gaius's face. "Are you alright?"

Gaius came out of his daze, not realising how long he had been in it, and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine."

Merlin was not convinced but decided to drop the subject. "I'm going to see Morgana now," he declared.

"Fine," Gaius said, despite his uncertainty. "I'll go home."

"Okay, don't wait up because I might be a while," Merlin told him.

Gaius watched Merlin go before he turned to head home. As he went he could not help but think about how active and troublesome the lives of the young were. They never seemed to stop, even at night. Merlin always seemed to have problems and issues to deal with whether it was Arthur and Gwen's relationship or Morgana's dreams.

Life seemed so much simpler when Gaius was young although he admittedly it probably wasn't. He never dealt with the issues that Merlin did; back in those days magic was still used by many people. The Old Religion was still frowned upon by the New Religion kings and governors but it was not outlawed.

Furthermore there had never been anyone quite like Merlin.

-

Uther sat alone at his desk in the gloomy light of one candle shining of two drafted letters; one for the King of Orkney, and the other to the Queen of Orkney, his sister-in-law Anna.

The one that he wished to send to Lot was easy to write as it featured the typical formal jargon one would expect to read in a letter between monarchs. He spoke simply of war, asking how the campaign against Prince Claudius was progressing and asking whether he felt he would be needing assistance any time soon. It was really a subtle way for Uther to ascertain whether Camelot was at risk of being attacked by Claudius's supporters or even Claudius himself.

In some ways Uther was feared Lot more than Claudius. In his eyes Claudius was just a foolish lower-prince of a tiny state within the Rheged area whose head had become too big for his crown. In comparison Lot was the most powerful king in the north, controlling a large area of Pictland. Moreover his younger brother Urien, who Rheged actually belonged to, lived in his brother's influence. He was a force not to be reckoned with.

That was why he did not mention the snags that had cropped up in the marriage alliance. Lot had always been fowl tempered and unreasonable when caught in the wrong mood. In one of her letters Anna had joked that it was pity Uther and Lot could not marry each other, a joke Uther had not appreciated.

Despite being a powerful king Lot spent little of his time governing his kingdoms instead focusing in his infamously powerful and large army. The governing of the kingdoms he possessed he left almost entirely to Anna.

Uther shook his head over the letter he was drafting for Anna.

It was difficult to know the mind of Queen Anna despite the fact that Uther had known her longer than anyone. She was Igraine's younger sister, the baby of the family who had been very naïve but intelligent with all the promise of being a queen one day. Now she was a queen she proved effective as a diplomat as well as a matriarch.

Uther had thought Anna liability when she was a child but now he relied on her to maintain the good relationship between Camelot and Orkney.

His letter to her was less formal and more frank. The ambassador had suggested only writing to her if 'worst came to worst' but he didn't want to take any risks. He knew that if Arthur were determined enough he would have a fight on his hands.

If it came to 'removing' the 'obstruction' of the marriage between Arthur and Elaine then he knew he had to have Anna's support; she had more allies than Uther did.

-

Merlin silently entered Morgana's room.

For the first time she was not waiting by the door for him, to leap upon him just as he was about to touch the handle. He wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. Either way he decided it had to be important.

Upon entering the room he saw her sitting on the case at the end of her bed stroking Gwen's dog Fach. Her eyes were unblinking and she seemed to barely notice that he had entered the room.

"Morgana?" he called apprehensively.

Her head shot to look at him with genuine surprise. "I didn't hear you come in," she said.

"I tried to be quiet because I didn't want that guard outside your room to see me," he explained. "Gwen said you need to see me urgently; what's wrong? Is it another dream?"

She stared at him. "Obviously."

She patted the wood of the box she was sat upon for him to settle down next to her. Merlin obeyed and waited for her to explain what she had seen.

"Was it the same dream?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. "I saw the fire and blood again, and this time I swear I could feel the pain of hundreds and hundreds of men. I'm certain now this is about the conflict in Rheged—it will escalate into a war."

"You're positive?"

"I saw Uther again, but he wasn't alone this time, he was with many kings from all over Albion," she explained. "They were standing in the mist of the fire and battle, as if they were the ones allowing it."

Merlin felt a lump in his throat. He hated the idea of wars and battle. Gaius said it was because it went against his nature. In comparison people like Arthur were built and equipped to fight in battles. Even then Arthur always said that while battles could be enjoyable, a war was a long and painful experience many wished to avoid.

He sighed, "There is nothing we can do about a full-scale war, Morgana. I mean, you and I—what are we? There is no way we could stop this war."

"I know," she agreed. "It's like you said, what are we? I'm just a seer-witch-in-training and you're just one powerful warlock."

"Some how I don't think we're powerful enough to stop a massive army," Merlin joked. "Let alone twenty or thirty armies."

Morgana retorted. "I realise that."

"Then what else do you want to tell me?" Merlin asked, sensing that she was agitated by his attempt to make light of the situation. "You wouldn't have called me so urgently if that was all you had to say."

At that moment Morgana grabbed Merlin's hand and he felt the connection between them light up again. It had used to make him feel light-headed but now he was used to it. It gave him a pleasant and warm feeling.

She looked him dead in the eye and he almost found himself hypnotised by her light green eyes, penetrating him. "The girl I told you about?"

"The blonde girl in your dream?"

"I think I know who she is now," Morgana said.

Merlin leant forward intently. "Who?"

"Elaine."

He sat back again, taking in the short stab of information as if it had been long and complicated. "The Elaine that Arthur is getting betrothed to? His cousin?"

She nodded. "I didn't recognise her at first because I haven't seen her since she was fourteen. The girl I see in my dreams looks more like seventeen or eighteen, which is how old she is now…"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm as sure as I can be," Morgana replied. "It is a dream after all; you have to allow for a certain margin of error. The girls looks like what Elaine might looks like having aged four years or so, that's all."

Merlin looked away and nodded. "Okay, and how does that help us?"

Morgana closed her eyes as if she was trying to remember something else that she had seen. Despite the fact that her dreams had a prophetic purpose there were still details that she would quickly forget upon waking. She knew they were still in her head—she just couldn't recall them.

"I think I saw Gwen again, and Arthur, and…" Morgana muttered before she opened her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm sorry—when I woke up I could remember so much more but now… I can't remember."

Merlin shook his head. "No, it's my fault. I took too long to get here."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"I just wish that you could see inside my head," Morgana confessed. "If I could show you what I saw, if you could see it as I see it then maybe…"

Merlin swallowed; whenever she mentioned getting inside her head, occasionally, he did just that. In that past he had frequently seen things that she probably did not want him to see and he was too embarrassed to admit to her that he had seen them.

He knew that he could get inside her head and that he could see her dream for himself but he was frightened of what he might see.

He let out a sigh and turned to face her. "Morgana."

"Yes?" she said turning to face him too.

"I lied before," he confessed reluctantly. "When I said that I couldn't willingly go into someone's mind and see his or her thoughts—I lied. I can, if I wanted to."

She looked at him hopefully. "Could you see my dream?"

He shrugged. "I honestly don't know because I was telling the truth when I said I could pop into people's heads and see things whether I like it or not.

She nodded. "I see."

Merlin blushed. "I'm worried that if I do go into your head I'll—"

"—See something that you'd rather not?" she finished.

He nodded sheepishly. "But I could try, if you wanted me to."

She tilted her head. "What if I were to think of what I did remember from the dream, would that help you into my thoughts?"

"It might…"

Morgana jumped to her feet and stood in front of Merlin, causing little Fach to jump to the floor and run for cover under the bed.

"Then try it," she ordered him.

He stared at her. "Try it?"

"Yes," she replied. "You might as well at least try."

Merlin hesitated for a moment. He was still worried that he might do it wrong; he had read about how one was supposed to access information in people's minds. There was a special way to go about it and one he had not quite mastered yet.

He got to his feet and stood in front of her.

"Please don't be disappointed if it doesn't work," he asked her. "And if you think I'm accessing memories you want to keep hidden, try and block me out or… just say, alright?"

"I won't and I will," Morgana replied with her first smile of the evening. "It won't be the first time you've seen some of my dirtier thoughts."

Merlin tilted his head. "Well, don't think about them now because that'll kill this before we start."

"If you say so," she joked. "So, what do we need to do? Do you have to cast a spell or do we both have to do something or what…?"

Merlin seemed to ignore her questions as he placed his hands on either side of her face. The contact silenced Morgana immediately as she stared directly at Merlin, wondering what he was doing. They stood looking at each for a long moment before he awkwardly moved his hands away but maintained his eye contact.

"We," he said clearing his throat, "we have to keep eye contact at all times."

She nodded slowly.

"Just keep looking at me," he told her.

"Okay."

"Now, think of your dream."

Morgana found it hard to picture the images in her head without closing her eyes but after a moment trying she managed to spin the things she remembered in a continuous loop in her mind.

Then her skin nearly leapt as Merlin slowly placed his hands upon her face again, his fingers lay across her temples. She continued to look into his eyes when she thought, for a moment, she saw a flash of light behind them.

"Your eyes…"

"Sorry?"

"Nothing," she said, realising that talking would make it harder for him to concentrate.

The familiar surge of power rushed from him to her as it did when she held his hand. But this time it was different as rather than flowing through her veins it rushed straight into her head. The sensation nearly blinded her before she began to feel an odd and indescribable feeling tiptoe across her head.

"I can actually feel it," she said with surprise. "I can actually feel you inside my head…"

"Does it hurt?" he asked, still trying to concentrate.

"No," she smiled flirtatiously. "It tickles, actually. I like it."

Merlin couldn't help smiling too. "Stop it!"

"Am I distracting you?"

"I'm finding it hard to make a picture in my head," he told her. "Don't think about anything except the dream and just focus on me."

Morgana tried to obey but it was difficult. Had it been any other man she might not have been fazed by looking into her eyes when he read her mind. She found it hard not to wonder whether Merlin also found it hard to concentrate. In many ways this was the most intimate they had ever been, more intimate than when they kissed.

"I see something," he said finally.

"Thank goodness."

"Stay focused," he told her. "I might lose it… Wait!"

"What is it?" she asked.

"Put your hands to my temples and I'll show you," he told her. "I can see lots of different things but I need your help putting them together."

Morgana awkwardly raised her hands towards his face, "Are you sure this will work?"

"No but it's worth a go," he joked.

As she placed her cold hands against his warm temples the shock of the connection nearly threw his mind off course. He managed to remain focused and the images of the dream passed between them. The first image that came up was the girl.

"Is that her?" Merlin asked as the picture became clear. The image was, indeed, that of a blonde girl about eighteen-years-old standing by a window. "This is Elaine?"

Morgana nodded. "I think so, like I said it could be what she looks like now. I haven't seen her since she was a kid."

"She's pretty," he remarked.

"Close your mouth!" she scolded playfully.

He smirked. "And you say she's eighteen?"

"Eighteen or seventeen, yes, why?"

Merlin shook his head. "Nothing, it's just… I don't know. She looks like she's that age but for some reason, I can't tell you what, she feels…"

"What?"

"Older, somehow."

Morgana wanted to tilt her head about Merlin's hands held her straight. "Well, Elaine always looked mature for her age…"

"It's not like that," he said. "She looks the right age, it's just a feeling I have…" There was a long moment of silence before Merlin rubbed it off. "Oh, it's probably nothing."

"Okay…"

"It's nice to know what 'the enemy' looks like, though."

"That's not fair," Morgana said. "Despite everything that's happening Elaine is a very nice girl."

"I was joking."

"I know you were."

There was another long pause as neither of them said anything. Then all of a sudden Merlin was taken aback by the images of fire and blood. The images set off the same sensations that Morgana described of blood and burning flesh.

Morgana gasped as the images were awakened to get as well. The emotion of it was so overpowering she nearly pulled away from Merlin's gasp. He held her still and spoke softly.

"It'll pass," he told her. "We need to see the rest of the dream."

She obeyed as if she were under a trace. The images moved from fire and blood to the sound of weapons clashing and horses riding. Suddenly, just as Merlin promised, the image ceased swiftly and moved along to the next moment.

Morgana heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

Merlin smiled. "No problem."

The next image they saw was Gwen. As Morgana had described before Merlin could see her riding on a horse along an unfamiliar rode. One thing Merlin noticed that he could not remember being mentioned before was that she was accompanied by a group of men.

"Where is she going?" Merlin said to himself.

Morgana said nothing as she wondered the same thing herself.

As the images were silent as they flowed through their heads. The only echo of sound was similar to that one felt when underwater.

The next thing they saw was Arthur who was also on horseback, riding away from the castle gates. Up until that point Morgana had always believed he was alone in this image, but Merlin held the thought in her mind. They continued to watch until he was in the middle of the forest, where he stopped. It was clear that there was someone else with him. Morgana focused her mind and saw the boy's face; it was Merlin.

"That's right!" she gasped. "You were there too—that's the thing I wanted to tell you earlier."

"It happens sometimes," Merlin explained. "When a dream is so vivid it can be forgotten once you wake if you are distracted or sometimes you mix it up with real life…"

"Are you just making this up as you go along?"

"Of course I am," he muttered comically.

In their minds they saw Arthur and Merlin stop in a clearing where someone was waiting for them.

Merlin scowled. "What are we _doing_?"

Merlin and Morgana tried to home in on what they saw but the image seemed to die on them before either could see how the third person was. The concentration caused their head to hurt as they tried to stay focused on the dream.

Abruptly, came a loud screech in Merlin's head that cut right through his nerves. "Ow!" he cried out as he flinched away from Morgana, letting go and thus breaking the connection.

In that moment Morgana saw the flash of golden in her mind before she saw it, momentarily, glimmer in his eyes. She watched him bewildered, wondering what he had seen.

Merlin rubbed his own temples as if to regain his grip on reality. "Gods below, that _hurt_…" he muttered.

Morgana rushed forward to aid him. "Are you okay?"

The moment her hands such his hands he felt a hot, burning sensation merge from them. It was like the other times she touched him but at the same time different. The pain he felt seemed to die away seconds later and he finally was able to stand straight.

"I'm fine," he finished muttered.

"What did you see, what happened?" she asked eagerly.

"I don't know," he groaned, not wanting to remember what had just happened. "It was like a harsh screech pounding through my mind. It completely blinded me."

"I didn't hear it…" Morgana said, confused. "I've never heard it in my dreams either."

Merlin stopped rubbing his head. "Maybe something went wrong or… I don't know."

"Was it just a screech you heard?" Morgana asked.

He sat in silence for a moment before he answered. "I think I did see something else," he replied. "I saw a tree."

She tilted her head. "A tree?"

"I think it was an oak tree," he finished. "Is that significant to you?"

Morgana shook her head. "No, it means nothing to me."

Merlin sighed. "It's probably me. I must have done something wrong while I was reading your dream…"

Morgana could feel the disappointment oozing off of him. She took his hand and led him back to the chest at the end of her bed where they sat down.

"On the bright side," she went on. "At least you helped me remember what I wanted to tell you before."

Merlin smiled. "True, although I'm more interested in knowing who that man in the woods was…"

"I might see more," she pointed out. "I'm having these dreams frequently at the moment and I see something new every time. I'll see who he is eventually, I'm sure of it."

Merlin tilted his head and regarded her for a moment.

"That's amazing," he remarked. "I'm usually the one cheering you up and now, suddenly, our roles are reversed."

Morgana grinned. "I've stolen your spunk."

They both laughed at the suggestion although it made them both think. Merlin had spent the last ten minutes inside Morgana's head and she, in a matter of speaking, had been inside his. What had passed between them just now took a huge amount of trust as Merlin could easily have abused his ability, but he did not.

"I can't believe you were actually inside my head," Morgana suddenly said.

"Yeah," Merlin said distantly. "Gaius told me that centuries ago when the leaders of old religion were still in power they used to refer to it as 'reading a person's soul'."

"It makes me wonder what it is that sends me these dreams," she said.

"No one knows," Merlin replied. "It could be that everything is predetermined so it's already out there for people like you to pick up in your dreams."

Morgana nodded. "I just wish I knew what it was telling me about Gwen and Arthur. I wouldn't see these things if it wasn't to try and do something…"

"Maybe…"

"Maybe, what?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "I was just thinking maybe sometimes people like you forecast things as well as receive warnings…"

Morgana couldn't help smirking at his choice of words. There was a short pause as she looked at him, smiling. He noticed the pleased look on her face and he couldn't help chuckling. "What is it?" he asked.

"I was just thinking what a gentleman you are," she said. "Any other man would have forgotten about the dream and gone poking around my head for… other things."

Merlin blushed, realising what she meant. "Oh, well," he said awkwardly. "I don't really like seeing the private thoughts of people."

"That's refreshing," she said. "You're part of a dying breed of men, Merlin."

"If you say so," Merlin smiled awkwardly. He decided to change the subject slightly as he remembered something Morgana had said earlier. "Did it really tickle?"

She blinked. "You mean when you were reading my thoughts?"

"Obviously."

"Oh," she said, smiling again. "Yes, it did. Like I said it was quite… nice. I liked it. It was quite amusing knowing that it was you, literally, searching through my mind."

"Well," Merlin said cheerfully. "If you ever forget anything just let me know and I'll rummage around and see if I can find it for you…"

Morgana laughed at his typical play of wit, despite the fact Merlin often used it was talk his way out of awkward situations.

"Very droll, Merlin."

He smiled. "Thank you."

-

"I remember a moment like this before."

Gwen looked away from the pitch black window and looked down to see Arthur looking at her with a faint smile. His voice was raspy from dryness and his eyes were squinting from tiredness but merely the sight of him sent a liquid warm feeling through her.

She smiled despite everything, "Which moment is that?"

"After I was bitten by the questing beast," he replied. "You nursed me, kept me comfortable and spoke to me."

"It seems so long ago," Gwen said distantly.

"So does the last time I spoke to you," Arthur said. "But it was only yesterday."

Gwen sighed. "Actually, it was the day before yesterday; it's gone midnight."

Arthur rubbed his eyes. "I feel like I've missed a whole day! I suppose it's too much to hope that my engagement to Elaine was just a bad dream and I've just awoken from near-death again?"

She tilted her head and nodded. "I'm afraid so."

Arthur looked down at the shoulder where the questing beast's teeth marks still scared him and sighed. "Alas, you are right! This is an old wound."

Gwen looked at the old and ugly scar that she knew so well. She had tended to it when he was wounded; cleaned it when it began to heal, and run her lips along the jagged marks in the skin as she explored it after they became lovers. All these things seemed so long ago when, in retrospect, they were not.

"My head hurts," he suddenly announced.

"You drank an awful lot according to Merlin."

"And I feel so dry," he added.

Gwen sighed. "I'll get you some water."

Arthur's eyes watched her as she turned to pour some water for him. He pulled himself to sit up as she returned to his bedside. She sat on the side of the bed and held the cup out for him. Instead of taking the cup he grasped her wrist, brought it to his mouth and he gulped down the water.

Gwen felt her breath quiver as he drank the cup dry and gasped a quenched breath. It was just hours ago that she was terrified to face him. The reaction he got out of her just by holding her wrist as he drank reminded her why; he only had to do something tiny to rope her in.

He let her wrist go and she looked at the cup.

"You really are thirsty," she remarked. "Do you want any more?"

"I'm fine," he said simply.

They stared at each other not knowing what to say. It was only the knowledge of what had happened over the last forty-eight hours that stopped them throwing their arms around each other.

Gwen put the cup down and forced another smile. "Do you need anything else—?"

"Guinevere!"

She was silenced immediately by the annunciation of her name in the special way that only Arthur seemed to know. He looked at her as if to scold her but truth was he was angry with himself.

"I'm sorry," Gwen finally said.

"For what?" Arthur asked. "I'm the one who should be sorry."

She shook her head. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes I do," he replied. "My father is the cause of several reasons why I should be sorry."

Gwen chuckled nervously. "With respect I'm used to your father messing around with my life, and none of us can choose who are parents are."

"I wouldn't blame you for hating my father," Arthur sighed.

Gwen was very careful choosing her words. "I don't hate him," she replied. "I think nothing of him, really. I feel nothing. I don't like to say it as he is your father but…"

"I'm not defending him," Arthur said solemnly.

Gwen nodded. "I'm sure he thinks he is doing what is best for Camelot."

"I don't see how," Arthur groaned.

"Neither can I but we're bias," she said.

Gwen smiled and gingerly placed her hand on Arthur's hand. He felt assured by her motion and clasped her hand between both of his. It sent a spike of fire through her and she tried to stay focused.

"I'm sorry that Merlin yelled at you," she finally said.

Arthur shook his head. "He's already apologised… I think. Either way he's not angry with me any more."

"I should have kept it to myself," she went on. "I was just that he was there just as that secretary was leaving and…"

"I'd have done the same," Arthur told her. "When I find out which secretary it was that sent you the money I'll give him taste of what I got."

Gwen shook her head and smiled. "He was just following orders; when the king tells you to do something you do it."

Arthur tightened his hold on Gwen's hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles. She took a deep breath as she debated whether to allow it or put a stop to it. Uther had tried to pay her off and Arthur was technically engaged to another woman. She knew she shouldn't even be there now, but every fibre of her body wanted to stay.

"I can't do this," Arthur suddenly said.

She looked at him, still distracted by his hand. "Can't do what?"

"I can't do anything," he declared with a shudder of laughter. "I've been without you for forty-eight hours and I ended up drinking myself into a stupor and being carried home by my idiotic manservant."

Gwen braced herself. "I came as a shock to both of us."

"It's more than that," he told her.

He pulled himself to sit up until he was eye to eye with her. She could feel her breath brushing her skin and his eyes penetrating her. Together with his still tight hold on her hands she had to resist every urge to just kiss him.

"I feel as if…" Arthur went on before he finished and shook his head. "I'm sorry, you know how bad I am with words."

Gwen could not help a loving smile as she watched her former lover trip over his words; it reminded her of how alike they could be at times. She waited as he gathered his thought and attempted once again to speak.

"I feel as if I've been living in limbo," he finally said as he struggled shyly to put his feelings into words. "I never tell you often enough just how much I—well, how much I rely on you… how much I…"

Gwen braced herself again, waiting for him to once again falter in his words. In many ways she preferred that he found describing his feelings so difficult. He had had such a cold upbringing that were he to say them freely she would know they were lies. He spoke as if he were terrified she might rebuff him or want something in return, like everyone else did.

"I know," she said. "I know what you mean…"

"But I need to say it more!" he said firmly. His eyes were determined but, as expected, he looked down timidly as he finally said the words. "I love you."

The words felt like a wonderful cut upon her heart. "You know I love you too," she replied quietly.

He looked at her and once again she was taken in by the torment in his eyes; she'd have done anything to soothe it.

"I'm sorry I don't say it more often," he told her. "I'm sorry I can never look you in the eyes when I say it and when I do look at you, you aren't looking at me. It's my fault, and I'm sorry for it."

"I wouldn't believe you said it too easily," Gwen said. "I know what you're like."

Arthur closed his eyes and shook his head. It seemed no matter how hard he tried he could never speak honestly without behaving like child caught in the act of doing something bad. In spite of all of that he still felt free when he was with her. Sometimes he felt she was the only one who made him truly happy.

He leant forward and rested his head against Gwen's shoulder, burying his face in the curve of her neck. Intuitively she began to run her hand through his hair as she felt his warm breath scolding her skin. Instinctively he moved one of his hands to hold her waist and pressed his lips against her collarbone. Her body tensed and her mind went blank.

"Don't," she whispered reluctantly.

Arthur immediately moved back and looked away. "Sorry."

Gwen swallowed. "You know I'd deny you nothing, and in this moment, I'd deny myself nothing either."

"I know."

"I'm not a fool," she went on, every word bitter in her mouth. "I knew when we became lovers all I could ever hope to be was your mistress, but now you're engaged to someone else…"

"I'm not engaged yet," Arthur stated quickly. "The betrothal between Elaine and I is still under negotiation."

"But you will marry her," Gwen said. "It is unfair to her if you carry on with me; it would be humiliating for her."

"I don't care about that," Arthur said. "I don't see how it is better for me to grit my teeth and bear marriage with her while all the time I'm thinking of you."

Gwen looked away. "You might not have to grit your teeth; she is supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the world."

At that moment Gwen felt Arthur's had reach over to cup her cheek. She looked at him again as he spoke firmly; "Any amount of beauty is immaterial if she isn't you."

"Either way," Gwen said as she tried not to let Arthur's touch distract her. "It is not fair to her; she will one day be queen here and I don't want to upset the future queen."

It was all about Elaine. Gwen kept thinking how it wouldn't be fair to her to continue her relationship with Arthur. She thought how disgusted she would feel if she were married and found her husband had a mistress. However, rather guiltily, Gwen felt no concern for her own reputation but rather bitterness at that prospect of having to 'share' Arthur.

"There is one way we can avoid upsetting her with our relationship," Arthur said, taking his hand away from Gwen's face. "I just won't marry her."

Gwen stared at him; part of her was bewildered that he had even suggested it was possible but another part wondered if it _was_ possible.

"You can't do that," she finally said.

"Why not?" he asked, no sense of humour in his voice. "My father can't force me to marry her if I refuse."

"Of course he can force you!"

"Then he would have to drag me down the aisle," Arthur declared. "He won't get me there any other way."

Gwen thought he had to be going mad. "Elaine is the daughter of King Lot and your aunt Anna. She is a _princess_; you can't treat her as if she were no one!"

"I don't think she'd be that bothered," Arthur said. "I can't see her getting excited at the prospect of marrying _me_."

"I was thinking of her father," Gwen protested. "You'd… you'd run the risk of angering the most powerful king in the north of Albion!"

Arthur shook his head. "There is a war about to break out _all over_ Albion and we'll have to fight either way; I have to believe that Lot is more concerned about Prince Claudius than he is about me."

"And what about your aunt Anna?" Gwen questioned sceptically. "She is probably the most powerful woman _in all of Albion_."

"Royal engagements fall through all the time," Arthur told her. "That's how _I_ got landed with Elaine. My aunt will be used to this and I wouldn't be surprised if this whole thing was just down to my father and Lot…"

Gwen could not bring herself to believe it was as easy as that. The whole purpose of the marriage was to reinforce the alliance between Camelot and Orkney. Uther would not have sought the match if he felt they did not need it. Even if they didn't need it, Arthur would have to get married someday. Gwen realised that, at the end of the day, one princess was no more different from another.

"Your father wants you to marry Elaine, and for the good of Camelot you must do what is best," Gwen said reluctantly, against all her desires.

Arthur shook his head. He had always had to grit his teeth and bear things he disagreed with, but this time some felt innately wrong and it wasn't just his passions ruling him. He could not help feeling that marriage to Elaine would open a Pandora's box of trouble for Camelot in the future.

"The last thing I want to do is pressure you into something you don't want to do," he said quietly as he lay back. "I once said that the only thing that made us impossible was belief that it was impossible, but if you want to end it now then we'll end it now. I won't lie, it'll be hard… but I promise I won't bother you."

Gwen said nothing; she was too distracted by the tearing feeling in her chest. Arthur could tell he was making her feel worse so he spoke up again.

"You should go," he told her, trying to sound positive but failing miserably; she looked so sad. "I mean it, go. I'll be fine. It's not like this is my first hangover so there's no need to worry about me. I'm fine—"

Arthur was immediately silenced by Gwen's mouth pressed against his own. She found herself no longer caring about the barriers. In a moment of utter hopelessness it took both of them by complete surprise. He had missed the sweet pleasure of her lips just as much as she seemed to have missed his.

They held each other close for the few seconds it took for Gwen to break the kiss. As she did she laughed. "You need to do something about your breath."

Arthur chuckled, "I was drinking ale."

"You must have drunk your weight in it," she remarked.

"I must have done," he informed her in an amused voice. "It'll probably take a while for the full effects to run their course."

Gwen loosened her hold on him and tilted her head. "That's a good point," she said unconvinced. "I suppose I should stay here and make sure you're alright?"

Arthur tilted his head too. "If you wouldn't mind."

Gwen leant forward to kiss him again but just as their lips neared to meet her hand snaked up and she laid two fingers on his lips. "I'll stay with you," she said with a minx smile, "but that's all you're getting out of me. Tonight, in any case."

The prince sighed, lay back against his pillows and looked at her. "It wasn't just all talk, you know."

"What wasn't just talk?"

"What I said about Elaine—"

"Let's," Gwen said firmly, not wanting to return to the subject. "Let's not talk about that now. It's late. It's better to talk about it when you're… sober."

It was a subject Gwen wanted to avoid for now. On the one hand she wanted to keep the 'honour' she still had intact but on the other hand she couldn't think what she was maintaining it for. It had been for marriage and children, but now the idea of such a simple life rarely occurred to her. She had wanted a family but she also wanted Arthur, and could not have both.

There were many aspects of Gwen's life before that had changed. She was no longer as naïve as she had been and she no longer felt she could live the simple boring life once assured to her. She was now faced with another question; after tonight what would she do then?

"Are you just going to sit there staring at me?" Arthur muttered.

Gwen didn't understand what he meant until he shifted over on the bed to make room for her beside him. She smiled and carefully lay down beside him before his arm curling around her entailed her. Neither of them said anything; they just lay in silence on the verge of falling asleep and nothing could have been more pleasant at that moment.

That was when Gwen knew this was where she belonged.

-

As Gaius reached home he once again began to wonder about the dragon's warnings. In the past Gaius had remembered the warnings but never actively followed them. The trouble was that from the moment the dragon was imprisoned below the castle he had been nothing by trouble between his ability to get under people's skin and his amusement at occurrence of miraculous births.

But the dragon had so far been correct about Arthur and Gwen, so he could be right about Merlin and Morgana; he almost certainly _was_ right.

Gaius felt that familiar feeling of sickly fear rise in him as he began to imagine the terrible outcomes the dragon could be suggesting.

Either way the dragon seemed to believe that Morgana was going to 'go to the bad' despite the fact she never been particularly cruel or unkind. But then again she could still change. Gaius knew from watching Nimueh that someone could become corrupted.

The dragon had mentioned 'the invincible spell' and how Morgana should never gain knowledge of it. From what Merlin said the idea of her mastering the spell was ridiculous but if he kept teaching her she would ultimately become more versed in enchantments.

Living with Merlin had almost caused Gaius to forget that even simple spells needed to be perfected. Although Merlin found new spells difficult he managed to perfect spells that would take ordinary warlocks and witches like Morgana months or years to get half right.

There was a chance that Merlin could perfect 'The Invincible Spell', and if Morgana became strong enough under his guidance, so could she.

Gaius went into Merlin's room to find his spell book.

He did not want to believe that someone was either innately good or bad but he would not object to the idea that someone could be _ultimately_ evil especially if they had the personality for it. Nimueh had and, although he hated to admit it, Morgana had the potential.

The dragon had said, when she was a young girl that he should keep an eye on her. One comfort to him was that Merlin did not seem phased by grudges, hate or even power. He just got on and did what he needed to. Gaius hoped that this would ultimately keep Morgana on the right path.

"Nonetheless," he said to himself as he opened the book and pulled apart the two pages that cloaked the enchantment. "It is better to be safe than sorry."

Gaius knew it was not enough to depend on Merlin keeping the spell secret. He knew that if things continued the way they did Merlin would eventually come to trust and tell Morgana about the spell. Even if there was the slightest chance that Morgana could use the spell against Merlin one day, Gaius would do everything he could to avoid it.

The parchment itself was indestructible, so Gaius decided to hide somewhere Merlin and Morgana would never think to look for it. He took down one of his obscure books of physiology on one of the top shelves. The mere sight of the books gave all four of the youngsters a funny turn so there was little chance Merlin would find it there.

Once the job was done Gaius sat down and wondered whether it would be enough. He doubted it, but at least he had done all he could. There was little else that could be done to a spell that was invincible in every way.

* * *


	17. Part 17

* * *

Merlin did not return home until the early hours of the morning. Gaius lay in bed trying to get to sleep when he heard the front door open and his charge sneak in carefully. Gaius decided to pretend to be asleep and ask Merlin what had taken him so long to get home in the morning. However Merlin tripped over a chair and then banged into the table creating a great clash that Gaius could not ignore.

He swiftly sat up and lit the candle close to his bedside illuminating Merlin crouched on the floor rubbing his knee. It took him a while to notice that Fach was with him.

Gaius rolled his eyes. "What time do you call this?"

Merlin blinked. "I think it's the fourth hour…"

"Exactly, you should be in bed," Gaius snapped. "And what is she doing here?"

"When Morgana sent Gwen to find me she had to leave her behind in her chambers, and I told Morgana I would look after her until morning," Merlin said awkwardly gathering the little dog into his arms.

"Did you?" Gaius scowled.

"Yes." The young warlock sheepishly got to his feet and folded his arms. "I'm sorry."

The old man glanced at him coolly before he used the candle to light several other candles. Once that was done he moved to pick up the chair Merlin had crashed into and sat down in it. He sat with his own arms folded and waited for Merlin to explain what had taken him so long, although he had a few ideas.

"Never mind Fach," Gaius finally said in the tone of a dictatorial parent. "Why were you gone so long?"

"I was just helping Morgana," Merlin said quietly.

"And really was it so urgent that you couldn't leave it until morning?" Gaius asked.

"She said it was important," Merlin protested. "And I agree with her."

Gaius sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Did she have another dream?"

"Yes," Merlin said. "There were a few new things that she saw."

"And she just had to tell you?"

Merlin stared at him; the piercing and scolding look that Gaius was giving him seemed to be mentally extracting information from Merlin's ever-running mouth. The young warlock didn't know how his mentor would react to knowing he had used his abilities to read Morgana's mind and see her dream. Actually, Merlin _knew_ that Gaius would be furious, so he tried to avoid answering.

"Well," he finally said, "you know what she's like… mountains out of molehills, and all that."

Gaius continued to stare him down. "Yes, I do know her, Merlin. But you just said that _you_ thought it was important too."

Merlin blushed. "Did I? Oh, yes, well to me. It might mean nothing to you…"

"Try me."

The two of them remained silent for a while as Gaius waited for Merlin to talk and Merlin wondered whether he should tell. The entire thing disappointed Gaius. It seemed now he had Morgana to talk to Merlin had a secret life that he shared with no one but her, and Gaius found himself worrying over what passed between them and whether it put Merlin in any danger.

"You used to confide in me," Gaius said quietly. "I would understand if it was something personal to you but if it is important I'd rather know. I'd hate to think that you could be in danger and I'd know nothing about it.

Merlin nodded, knowing that Gaius was right. Deep down he had wanted to tell Gaius but had been uncertain whether it was for the best or how to explain what he had seen.

"Morgana told me that she had seen things that she couldn't recall properly when she was awake," Merlin began to explain. "The only thing she could tell me is that she saw Elaine in her dream."

"I see."

The young man swallowed, reluctant to reveal the next part. "In order to try and see what else she had dreamt I used my powers to read her mind a view the dream for myself," Merlin confessed.

Gaius groaned, "Oh, Merlin!"

"That's why I didn't want to tell you," Merlin admitted. "I knew you'd be angry."

"It's bad enough that you keep popping into people's heads whether you like it or not without you going in there voluntarily," Gaius said.

"I know, but all I've been hearing about from her is about that dream" he explained. "I wanted to see exactly what she was seeing because I thought it would help me understand better…"

"And did it?"

"It did in some ways," he replied. "In other ways it just confused me more…"

Gaius leant forward, intrigued by the tone of Merlin's voice as he spoke. It was more than just confusion; he was hiding something else.

"In the dream she saw and Arthur and I in the forest somewhere, meeting someone," Merlin muttered quietly. "I tried to see who it was but as I did I heard this loud… _screeching_. I felt as if my temples were going to split!"

Gaius nodded. "If you saw yourself in Morgana's dream then your own mind probably tried to lock you out."

"Why's that?" Merlin asked curiously.

"Well," the old man explained. "I suppose the best way to describe it is as a sort of defence mechanism; the image of you and Arthur in the woods meeting this person is the future and no one can see their own future."

Merlin scowled. "What, no one?"

Gaius nodded. "For example Morgana may have dreams about what will happen to other people but never about her direct personal future. It is possible that the same principle applies to your seeing yourself in her dream."

Merlin nodded too. It made sense to him that no one could see their own future, only the future of other people. If someone could see their own future they might try to avoid it, which meant avoiding destiny. At the same time they might strive for it, resulting in unacceptable behaviour to achieve it. The most obvious reason for why no one could see his or her own future was that it could drive the most levelheaded man mad.

"Gaius," he asked, changing the subject slightly. "Do you think that everything is predetermined?"

Gaius didn't know how to answer that question. "That's a very poignant philosophical question, Merlin. One that is a little too hard for first thing in the morning."

"No, I just…" the young man began. "It's just something Morgana asked me; she said she wondered what sent her the dreams she had, and I said maybe everything is predetermined. I just wondered whether you agreed, or thought it was something else."

Gaius sighed. "I have never really thought about it Merlin. It's just like when you asked me whether I believed in destiny; I think it affects people like you more than me."

"So, where does Morgana get her dreams from?" Merlin asked. "You're a scientist, you must have an idea."

Gaius smiled, "The thing about magic is that it is supernatural, ergo, it cannot be explained with science."

"Science isn't that much different from magic," Merlin argued.

"Don't be silly, Merlin."

"I'm not being silly!" the young man chuckled. "I mean, it's the same principles because you need ingredients to make some spells, the only difference is that science counts the odds while magic uses words."

Gaius sighed, "Oh Merlin, as I say it is far too early in the morning for a discussion like this."

Merlin shook his head and smiled. It was only a few moments ago that Gaius _wanted_ him to talk but now he wanted him to shut up and go to bed. It seemed he was only curious when it came to knowing what he and Morgana got up to when his back was turned.

He started to feel tired also so Merlin decided to turn in for bed; it would only be a few hours before he would have to get up again. He was back to being Arthur's servant and he would also have to take Fach back to her mistress.

"Come Fach!" he called the little dog. "You can sleep in my room, out of Gaius's way."

"Good idea!" the old man retorted over his shoulder. "If I catch her anywhere near my books…"

"Gwen would never forgive you!" Merlin finished.

"Just keep her away from anything she might be tempted to chew."

Gaius blew the candles out again as Merlin closed his bedroom door. Once the room had fallen silent he lay back and tried once again to get to sleep. He considered whether he should tell Merlin had he had hidden the spell in case he realised it was missing later and panicked. Then he realised that would defeat the object of hiding it in the first place.

He sighed and rolled onto his side; he would keep it secret. Even if Merlin realised the spell was gone, he would say nothing. All that mattered was that he knew where it was. Maybe he would pretend anger or maybe he would make up an excuse for how the spell could do a moonlight flit. Either way, he intended to make sure the 'invincible spell' remained a mystery.

He did it before with Nimueh and he could do it again with Merlin, and more specifically, with Morgana.

-

Gwen awoke while it was still dark just as she was accustomed to. It took her a while to realise she was in Arthur's room and why she was there. The last few days were like a blur in her mind and she wondered for a moment whether they really had all been a bad dream. She wished they were.

Her head was cushioned by Arthur's shoulder and his arm was enveloped around her just as it had when she had fallen asleep. She glanced up at his face to see he was still fast asleep denoted by his stillness and the small murmur of a snore.

Gwen felt that she should get up but Arthur's own warmth made her feel drowsy and she was still fully clothed in her dress that was twisted around both their legs. In the end she laid her head down again deciding it was too much work to get up now. If she did she would have to wake up Arthur.

With her eyes closed she began to think about the events of the previous night. It seemed dream-like in her memories. Many of the things that Arthur had said Gwen found hard to take into reality. He had said that his father would have to drag him down the aisle to marry Elaine. The image of Arthur with a sword pointed at his back sprang to her mind, despite everything, made her chuckle a little. That he would actually put up a fight to resist marriage with Elaine like that made her feel rather sensual.

Gwen had never been one to indulge in fantasies but even she couldn't help herself; her whole life felt like a fantasy.

She draped her arm across his chest and sighed. Now she was confronted with the prospect giving up or sharing him with Elaine she felt herself becoming slightly possessive. She knew she had no right to be; if, or rather when, he married Elaine she would be his wife while Gwen would only be his mistress. Elaine was the one who would have all the rights.

Gwen had tried to resist falling into the role of mistress, but an innate feeling inside her told her it was wrong. She had tried to convince herself not to be taken in by Arthur's hopes to 'jilting' Elaine in her favour, but the same innate feeling told her it was right.

It wasn't just love as Gwen was smart enough to work with her passion rather than give in to it. She literally felt that she belonged at Arthur's side, like something was binding them together, like destiny, and that it was her natural place. It seemed ridiculous for a handmaiden to say that but for her (and him) it was real and true.

Gwen opened her eyes again. More time had passed than she expected. She must have fallen back to sleep as the sun was starting to rise over Camelot and light was crawling in through the windows.

She gave a delightful moan as she automatically stretched her arms and her entire body tensed against lazy slumber. She would have been content to lie there forever had she not a care in the world. However, the sun was coming up and once dawn finally broke she would have to get up and face another day.

Arthur stirred beside her and drowsily turned his head and lifted it slightly to make sure she was still there. Upon seeing her large dark eyes looking back at him his head crashed against the pillow and he sighed.

"I've never seen you wake up," he remarked suddenly.

Gwen rolled onto her side and tucked her hand under the pillow to prop herself up. "How do you mean?" she asked. "You always seemed to be awake whenever I got up. I always thought you were just teasing me by pretending to be asleep."

"When you slipped out of bed, yes, I wake up," Arthur replied. He stared at the canopy above his head while he thought. "I'd feel as if I had just nodded off and then, suddenly, you try to slip away from me without waking me..."

"Only out of courtesy," Gwen said with a smile.

"Oh I know that!" he said, breaking into a smile too. "You're the queen of good manners. I was just thinking of how every time you tried to sneak away I always woke up."

Gwen laid a hand on his chest. "I'm probably just clumsy."

He turned his head to look at her. "Or maybe I just don't want you to leave..."

There was a long pause as they looked at each other. Eventually Gwen's eyes glanced down from lack of knowing what to say. Sometimes the love she felt for him left her speechless and it was the same, if not more so, for the overwhelming passion she felt for him.

Gwen's eyes met his again as Arthur reached over to move a strand of hair that had fallen over her face. He always felt that when her hair was loose it seemed to sprawl out everywhere like something alive, like it was its own being. Gwen responded by brushing her hand through Arthur's own hair; she always loved how messy it looked in the morning. It was always like that, whether they had made love or not. These were tiny little details they had noticed and loved about each other that showed the depth of their intimacy; they were details no one else had ever seen and that only lovers knew.

"You're very beautiful," he suddenly said. It had been the voice in his head thinking it and in his daze he had said aloud.

Gwen smiled contently and continued caressing his face. "Thank you, so are you."

Arthur regarded her for a moment before he changed the subject entirely back to the ones of last night. "I won't do it, you know," he told her again. "I've had all night to sleep on it and I still think I'm right."

"About?" Gwen asked.

"This whole scheme of my father's," he reminded her. "I still think it is all wrong, and now I've had a chance to sleep on it all I can think of is the trouble it will cause."

Gwen sighed and sat up. "You would look for the negatives; you're blinded to all the positives."

He sat up too. "I tried—God knows it—I _tried_ to find the good things that my father seems to see but I can't. I'll go to him first chance I can and tell him I won't marry Elaine."

"You must still be a little drunk."

Gwen was trying to be the responsible thinker. The truth was her own desires were starting to get the best of her too. She didn't want Arthur to do something he would regret, something stupid, something that might damage Camelot in the long run. In the end she played the only card she could.

"Elaine is a princess," she said. "And you are a prince; you're supposed to marry and have heirs so that the family line continues. Elaine will probably have many children."

Arthur remained silent for a moment, as if considering what Gwen had said. Eventually he turned to her and said, "There is no such thing as an ideal bride. Just because someone is a princess doesn't make her a suitable queen or mother. Besides, a king's duty should be to his kingdom, not just to keeping his line going. Elaine is nothing special..."

"She _is_ your cousin..." Gwen protested.

Arthur had had enough; "Then what would you have me do?" he shouted back at her. "Would you have me to go through with this marriage to Elaine? Do you _want_ me to marry her?"

"You don't need to shout!" she raised her voice.

"For God's sake," he shouted. "Guinevere, stop twittering around the subject and tell me the truth!"

"The truth about _what_?" she snapped back. "I'm not twittering about anything..."

"Yes, you are!" he argued back. "You spend your whole time twittering and backtracking and trying to avoid being selfish. Maybe you should just take five minutes to consider that neither of us really gives a damn about Elaine's feelings..."

"That's not fair!"

"What isn't fair?" he asked. "That we don't give a damn about Elaine? We don't. Not really, let's be honest."

"It's not about 'giving a damn'" Gwen protested. "It's the _guilt_."

"She is my cousin and I'm fond of her for that, but I don't care what she'd think about 'being cast aside for a handmaiden'. I don't see why the title of 'princess' automatically means she's worth more than you..."

"Her father is a king," Gwen replied with a hint of obviousness in her voice. "Mine was a blacksmith; the price on her head is clearly _worth more_."

"A million Elaines wouldn't nearly cover the value I hold you in," he told her. He rubbed his face, irritated, before he went on. "The problem is that you always undervalue yourself."

Gwen moved to speak but stopped. She wondered if anyone could hear them through the walls. She got to her feet and stood at the end of the bed, looking at where he still sat. It was a case of choosing the right words, tragically in a moment when Arthur didn't want to hear 'the right words.'

"I just," she began, faltered, and tried again in a more confident tone. "I just want you to do what is _right_..."

"And I'm _doing_ that," he strained. "I know you want me to do what's right, not just by you and me but for Camelot. It's what we both want. _That's what I'm doing_. I'm not blindly clutching for excuses to feed my father. I know you feel the same way—tell me you don't."

Gwen swallowed. "You know I do."

"Then to hell with those pathetic arguments my father is going to throw at me," he snapped. "_I'll_ think about what's right. I want to know what _you_ think and what _you_ want, honestly and truly."

"Honestly and truly?" she whispered.

"Yes."

Gwen nodded and turned around to face him. At his order she forgot about her moral arguments and decided to say exactly what she thought and how she felt. Amazingly, she surprised even herself with what she said.

"Honestly," she began. "I envy her. I envy her and I hate her for no other reason than that she'll marry you. I'd begrudge anyone that honour. I hate that _I'm_ the one who will be forced to either give up on you or share you when I'm the one who loves you."

Arthur looked at her. At his order she had forgotten about her moral arguments and decided to say _exactly_ what she thought and how she felt. It surprised both of them just how honest she was being.

"I know it is selfish of me to feel like this," she continued. "But deep down I know that I would be happiest, even if I could only be your mistress, as long as I didn't have to share your love with someone else."

There was a long pause as Arthur tried to take in what he had heard. Gwen watched him churn over what she had said and she instantly regretted it. But had asked for it, practically _begged_ her for it.

"Happy now?" was all she could muster.

Arthur pulled himself to the end of the bed and sat opposite her, looking up at her face. "Now, tell me again, do you think—no—_want_ me to marry Elaine?"

"No," she said plainly.

"Do you think it would be the right thing for Camelot?"

"I don't..." she began, although her innate feelings screamed otherwise and so did the look in Arthur's eyes; it was penetrating. "No," she finally said.

Arthur looked down before his eyes met hers again and a faint smile appeared across his face. He reached out his arms and gathered her closer to him with his hands on her hips.

"That wasn't too hard, was it?" he asked.

Gwen shook her head and smiled; it was all she could do. He used his grasp on her to pull her onto his lap. In a moment their mood changed from arguing couple back to playful lovers. He dabbed gentle kisses against her neck and ran his hand across her thigh. She was careful not to let herself become too susceptible to this fondle as the sun was coming up and she would be expected at work soon.

She turned to place a quick kiss on his lips. "I should get going."

Arthur groaned disappointedly as she slipped off his lap. It had been a while since he'd had a chance kiss and caress her the way he wanted. He pushed his underlying desires as she brushed down and tried to fix her dress.

"I need to go home and change," she told him. "I can't walk around in the same dress as yesterday."

"It might raise a few eyebrows."

Gwen sighed, "Not that it matters anymore..."

"How do you mean?"

She turned to face him. "Sometimes... I just wish it was out in the open."

"What, you mean you and me?" Arthur said, confused and she nodded. "Where has all of this come from?"

"I don't know," she said, thinking for a moment. "It's just... sometimes when I'm walking in the town I'll see a couple walking arm in arm. Every time I do I think 'That can never be us as long we go on like this.' It'll just be stolen moments here and there; kissing in dark alcoves and swift lovemaking for fear of being caught.

Arthur stood up but stayed still. "I have kept it secret because that was how you wanted it."

"I know that," she replied. "But now I'm wondering which way is better, or worse." Gwen shook her head, wondering why she had said it in the first place. "Never mind, I'm just talking."

He watched as she walked towards the door to leave. She opened the door and walked out into the corridor. "Anyway," she said, changing the subject entirely. "I need to go home, get changed... and I need to pick up Fach. I left her with Morgana last night."

Unable to stop himself Arthur took hold of her and kissed her again just as she was about to say goodbye. It took Gwen by surprise and she stumbled backwards against the wall opposite the door. She didn't know how to respond; he had taken her completely unawares.

In the end she waited until the kiss was broken before she questioned his actions. "What was that just about?" she asked, still pressed against the wall.

"To see how you'd react being kissed in public," he replied with a grin.

Gwen looked around the empty corridor and tilted her head. "There's no one here."

"No," Arthur agreed. He couldn't help chuckling.

"What is it?" she asked, unable to contain a smile of her own.

"I'm just in a good mood," he responded. "A few weeks ago; you wouldn't even walk down a corridor with me without carrying my laundry. You treated every trip to my chambers as if it were a suicide mission, but now..."

"Now your father knows," Gwen finished. "That was before he did know... and before everything you said last night."

At that Gwen looked down. She still found it hard to taken in Arthur's decision to tell his father that he would not marry Elaine; even now he was sober and slightly hung-over.

Arthur cupped her face to admire her face. "They weren't just words and it wasn't just because I was drunk," he told her again. "I will tell my father the truth and I won't marry Elaine."

"I believe you," she said quietly. "I know it isn't just words. I'm just worried..."

"What?"

Gwen leant forward so their foreheads touched and she whispered carefully. "I'm worried all you're going to do is agitate him."

"I agitate him all the time these days so that doesn't frighten me."

"I have always admired your bravery," she told him.

She laid her hands on his chest in the simplest but in a clearly intimate way and kissed him again. Her touch and her kiss burnt right through him and once again they were lost in each other as they had been a thousand times before. There was a chance that someone would see them, but it didn't seem to matter. Not anymore.

They broke the kiss but their foreheads remained touching. "When you put it like that," Arthur whispered, catching his breath, "It makes me want to rush to my father right now and tell him the truth."

Gwen laughed at the idea. "You're not going anywhere," she said, pushing him playfully back towards his bedroom door. "For now, you will wait here until Merlin gets into work, then your will have a bath, change your clothes and _do something about your breath!_"

Arthur vaguely remembered Gwen's quip about his breath last night. "If my breath is that bad, why kiss me again?"

"Think of it as a testament of true love," Gwen replied, as she finally began to draw away to go home and change. "Very few women would want to sleep with a man after he had kissed her with last night's ale on his breath unless she truly loved him."

Arthur breathed into his hand to try and understand what she was talking about but couldn't tell. Nonetheless he kept smiling. "You still fancy me, then?"

Gwen stopped. "Did the sun rise this morning?"

"I hear it's going to be particularly sunny today," he replied.

They stood admiring each other from a short distance. It was the knowledge that they had to part ways they stopped them from embracing once again. This was the effect of two days of enforced separation.

Gwen saw in Arthur all she believed a man should be; he seemed outwardly brash but in reality was gentle and considerate, in more ways than one. Arthur saw in Gwen the only woman he had ever truly loved; she was so easy to love because she had so much love to give but he had lived with so little, so what little he had he gave to her. The mere sight of each other cuddled their hearts and thrilled their senses.

Unwillingly the lovers finally parted ways. Arthur watched Gwen go before he returned to his room. Upon closing the door and sitting on the side of his bed he felt lonely. That moment in the corridor had made him think; even if he did somehow manage to settle the Elaine business without marrying her he would still have to go to war. He would be parted from Gwen for a prolonged period. He wouldn't try to avoid it; it was his duty to take up arms if Camelot is under threat. It just reminded him that he would have to get used to moments like this whichever way the dice fell.

He lay back across the bed. It felt cold underneath him as both he and Gwen had been absent from it for a while. His temples started to throb slightly and he felt dry again. It had already been an eventful morning and Merlin hadn't even shown up yet.

He would follow Gwen's advice; he would clear his breath, bathe and change his clothes while deciding what he would say to his father. He felt as rush of apprehension at the task at hand but Gwen's forgiveness for the mistakes made so far exhilarated him. He felt the motivation to stand there and tell his father 'no.'

After Arthur had closed the door to his chambers a servant girl stepped nervously out of a nearby alcove. She had been on her way to one of the ladies of the court when she had stumbled upon the royal prince and a woman leaving his chambers before he delivered her a passionate kiss. This didn't seem so unusual initially and she had awkwardly decided to hide in the alcove until the passage was clear.

It was only once the servant saw who the girl was she felt shocked. Gwen had always seemed to keep her feelings to herself and her private life a secret; if questioned whether she was being courted by anyone she just smiled and changed the subject.

But Gwen had been there; being touched by a man who seemed an ephemeral image admired by their class from a distance, and being kissed and caressed in a way that clearly indicated a long-standing intimacy.

The servant completely forgot why she had been there in the first place and wandered off dreamily. She promised herself that she should keep it secret, that Gwen was a nice girl and the nobility would slaughter her if they heard the truth. Yet even as she walked along the hallway she knew it was a promise she couldn't keep.

-

Uther had fallen asleep at his desk; something he had not done for a long time.

He felt a little embarrassed. The last time he had done anything like this was eleven years ago or so during the last full-scale war Camelot went through. He had anxiously been up all night pondering over battle reports and tearing his hair out over the casualties and fatalities, one of whom had been Gorlois.

He had barely slept that night; when he finally did he was awoke by a messenger from Cornwall, declaring that Cador intended to shut off diplomatic relations with other kingdoms.

It had been a dark day for both Cornwall and Camelot.

The king rubbed his hands over his damped and stressed face. The way he was living now he felt they might as well already be at war. He felt strained arranging aid for Lot and drawing up plans for the marriage for Anna. He knew he should ask Gaius for something to relieve his nervous but he never seemed to have the time.

Uther had only just completed his letter to Lot; it was of less importance than the one to Anna. He couldn't remember exactly what he said in her letter as he had mumbled throughout with terms that only she could understand.

He had decided to mention the hold up with Arthur's shock over the match as well as about Gwen. It had been something he had planned to keep to himself but the return of the money had worried him.

As well as that he also asked her when the official negotiations of renewing the alliance between the two kingdoms would begin. He was also planning to ask Lot the same question, officially, as he was the king and his word was final. However Uther knew that Anna's word was really final when it came to politics and was more likely to be honest.

Once the letter had been sealed with the royal signet the king had sent for the fastest messenger available despite the hour. He wanted the letter to get their as soon as possible to allow for a speedy reply. It was technically a time of war so there was some hope that the letter would make it to Anna within the next day or so.

Uther pulled himself to his feet, feeling the stiffness of his muscles at having been sat in a chair for hours on end. He stepped outside the study to see the old servant George delegating orders to some of the younger servants.

"George," the king said once the young servants left.

The servant bowed his head in respect in his typical boot-licking manner the nobility like Uther accepted and expected. "Yes, sire?"

"Inform the Orcadian ambassador that I will send someone to escort him to our meeting to discuss the conflict in Rheged, before tonight's feast," Uther ordered.

"Yes, sire" the servant obeyed. "Should I inform Prince Arthur also?"

Uther decided against having Arthur there. Arthur had not spoken to him of his own accord since he returned the money. They had briefly spoken the other day just as Arthur and the other knights went out to the fields to train. Uther hadn't had a chance to talk to his son after that and the next thing he heard was that Merlin was dragging Arthur home after he had gone out drinking.

"No, there'll be no need at this point," he replied, but then he thought again. "However let him know that I wish to speak to him, later this evening."

"Yes, sire."

Uther then handed the servant the letter to King Lot. "Take this letter for Lot of Orkney to Sir Ector for it to be sent out as soon as possible."

"Of course, sire."

"Now," the king said, trying to hide his tiredness. "I have been working all through the night. I do not wish to be disturbed for the rest of the morning and I mean no one, short of a major emergency."

"I'll see to it, sire," George replied with another nod.

"And one more thing," Uther added before he forgot. "Ask Gaius to come and see me at some point during the day, later this afternoon, perhaps."

"I shall do that, sire," he said.

George processed all the king's orders and was finally dismissed to carry them out. He decided to work his way backwards, informing the guards that the king did not wish to be disturbed.

He then made his way towards Gaius's chambers, hoping if he got there quick enough, he would catch Merlin before he headed off to work to save him a trip to Arthur's chambers.

Gaius and Merlin in the middle of breakfast when they heard a knock at the door. George was one of the few people to knock at Gaius's door before bursting in to offload their troubles. The moment the old servant stepped him he was ambushed by Fach who had detected the smell of a new person.

"George, what brings you here?" Gaius asked.

"I have a message from the king," replied the servant. He was trying to move away from Fach, worried she might bite him. "He wishes to see you at some point during the day, preferably later this afternoon."

"Fine," Gaius nodded, "Any particular reason?"

"He didn't say," George told him.

Gaius knew that usually meant he wished to discuss something other than health problems.

The servant then turned to Merlin, "While you're here," he told him, "would you inform Prince Arthur that his majesty wishes to see him this evening."

Merlin nodded, "Did he say what _that_ was about?"

"I'm afraid not," George said, before turning to leave. "Sorry to interrupt you during breakfast."

They both smiled as George left the room quickly with Fach in hot pursuit. He shut the door in her face causing her to slip backwards. Unharmed she rushed back to the table as Merlin held out a piece of bread for her.

"I wish you wouldn't feed her at the table," Gaius said.

"Gwen feeds her at the table," Merlin replied, smiling.

"Gwen can do what she likes with her dog in her house," the old man retorted. "This is my house."

Merlin shook his head and went back to what George had said. "What do you think all that is about?" he asked.

"The king probably wants to see me for his health," Gaius replied. "I imagine he wishes to see Arthur for the _other_ reason."

"You mean Gwen?" Merlin said. "I wish he would just leave her alone; she never did Uther any harm."

Gaius sighed. "Merlin, I know your opinion of Uther is far from pleasant—" (Merlin scoffed and folded his arms) "—but I promise that it is very unlikely that he wishes any harm on Gwen."

"_Unlikely_ he doesn't wish any harm?" Merlin said, rather startled. "Why, what could he do to her?"

Gaius shifted in his chair; he didn't mean to alarm Merlin. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant that, despite everything, I'm sure he will be sympathetic to Arthur and Gwen's situation, whatever he decides to do."

"I'm sure that Arthur and Gwen will find that most comforting; he could burn her, imprison her or exile her but _thank the gods_ he sympathises with them," Merlin said sarcastically.

"There is no need for that attitude," the old man said quietly. "This is a stressful time for everyone, between this marriage and Camelot going to war..."

"I don't see why Arthur has to marry Elaine," Merlin interrupted. "I mean, it's not like they need the alliance—isn't the queen of Orkney Arthur's aunt?"

"I think Uther wants to ensure that the alliance carries on into the next generation," Gaius told him.

Merlin shook his head, "But when Lot dies the next king of Orkney will be Gawain; he's like a brother to Arthur."

"There are many other reasons than the alliance," Gaius said firmly. "I'm not defending it I'm just putting forward Uther's case."

"Why bother?"

"Because if I don't no one else will," Gaius said firmly.

It was true too. Gaius had always tried his best to give Uther's ideas a fair hearing. He disagreed with many of them but he knew Uther only wanted the best for everyone; his methods were just considerably more questionable than other monarchs such as Anna's were. In some ways Gaius felt the need to defend Uther when he most needed it, rather like how Merlin did with Arthur.

"I don't know why you're so worried, anyway" Gaius added. "Royal engagements always fall through in a time of crisis."

Merlin tilted his head, "Really?"

"Unless they are betrothed at birth and the promise is honoured throughout their lives. Otherwise a royal could be engaged nearly five times before it actually results in marriage."

"And how many times has Elaine been engaged?" Merlin asked.

"Once or twice," Gaius said. "The most recent engagement for her to fall through was with Prince Claudius. I'd say Arthur is about the third or fourth person she will be contracted to."

Merlin shook his head. "What about Arthur?"

"He's never been officially betrothed to anyone," Gaius explained to him. "Everyone believed he would marry Morgana but for obvious reasons that went out the window years ago."

"Yeah," Merlin said, knowing it was the brother-sister angle. Despite everything it still made Merlin feel a little edgy for reasons he would not admit to himself and certainly not Gaius. "I remember Gwen said something about that when I first came here."

"When Arthur turned eighteen Uther was half ready to marry them off," Gaius explained. "Arthur, not altogether keen on the idea, said he wanted to wait until he was twenty-one. He probably thought three years would be enough time to come up with his next excuse."

Merlin couldn't help laugh and roll his eyes. "I don't see why they can't just marry who they want like normal people do."

"Royals aren't normal people," Gaius joked. "They pride themselves on the fact they are separate from everyone else."

Merlin nodded as he got to his feet. "You can say that again."

"Off to work, then?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Fine," Gaius said, clearing the table. He then noticed Fach sitting on the floor at his feet looking wistfully up at him, longing for what remained in their bowls. "What about her?"

Merlin turned around, looked at the puppy and smiled; "When I find Gwen I can tell her with have Fach and she can come and pick it up."

Gaius gave Merlin a scowl but agreed, "Alright, but make finding Gwen your priority."

Merlin laughed. He knew that Gaius secretly like both Fach and Howell although he would never admit it. The other day when Howell followed Merlin home after he had taken him for a walk he had caught Gaius sneakily giving him a belly rub.

Once Merlin had gone Gaius looked back down at Fach's longing eyes and put the bowl down on the floor. Her head followed it down and she excitedly began to clear it of every last scrap of food. Gaius smiled and stroked the little dog's head.

-

After leaving Gaius's chambers George had gone straight to Sir Ector's apartments to have the letter to the king of Orkney passed on. Ector had commented on how strange that the king had chosen to send Anna's letter off last night without delay instead of waiting till he had finished both letters and sending them both off this morning.

Ector, a man with little forethought or afterthought, did not even stop to consider why the letter to Anna was so urgent. He just assumed that the king was under great strain and wished for the letters to be sent out as soon as possible. Then again Ector was the sort of many who never took women seriously, even one as accomplished as Anna.

Once George had given Ector the letter for posting he made his final port of call to the ambassador for Orkney, Áedh. By this time he was gasping for a cup of tea and wanted to get to the kitchens before the younger servants did to gossip about their lords and masters. He intended to make his meeting with Áedh quick.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Excellency," George said as he entered the study.

Áedh had reading a letter at his desk when the servant came in. He smiled politely, "Not at all."

"I have a message from the king," George told the ambassador. "He says he will meet with you this afternoon; he will send someone to collect you."

"Thank you," Áedh said politely.

With his duties done George left to get his longed for herbal tea leaving Áedh to his letter.

Áedh waited until the servant had gone before he looked down at it again. It was yet another message from his queen. He couldn't help smiling when he received a message from Anna. He had been in Lot's service since before Anna became queen. It had been he who helped put together the alliance between Lot and Uther through the marriage and he had been the go-between ever since.

He was loyal to Lot and admired him but he was even more so loyal to his wife. She had proved to be such a remarkable consort that it was difficult to refuse her when she came up with one of her 'little plans.'

Áedh shook his head; she still spoke to him in letters the same way she had twenty years ago when she first became queen and knew little about the task she had undertaken.

In the letter she stated how she is waiting for a letter from Uther 'no doubt ranting about some issue or other regarding the alliance or whatnot.' She also stated her intention to tell Uther that she, Gawain and possibly Elaine would be coming down to Camelot within the next few weeks. 'That will frighten him' she joked in the letter.

Otherwise she told Áedh to continue to advice her 'poor old _beau-frère_' in the best possible way and make sure he 'does nothing stupid' in regards to the issues 'he will no doubt be ranting to [her] about in his next letter.'

She was, of course, referring to the handmaiden. Anna was always one step ahead of everyone else.

-

Arthur sat up with a start as the door crash shut and Merlin finally entered.

He had not moved from that position since Gwen had left him earlier that morning. He had sat imagining her journey from the castle to her house; changing her clothes, brushing her hair and fixing it so it wouldn't get in the way of her work... she lived a life so much simpler than the one he felt she deserved.

Merlin stood at the door and stared at him. He was still feeling a little awkward about the argument they had the other day over the money and Merlin wondered whether Arthur remembered his apology.

"Morning," Merlin said finally.

Arthur got to his feet. "Good morning."

There was another long pause as Arthur went to his table a poured himself a cup of water. His head was starting to feel heavy for all the drinking he had done the previous night. Gwen being there had taken his mind off it but sitting doing nothing brought it all back to him.

"Are you feeling alright?" Merlin asked by procedure. "You did knock quite a lot of ale back last night."

"Really," Arthur said sarcastically, rubbing his eyes. "That's rather obvious since I can't really remember much about yesterday apart from drinking." Merlin walked to the other side of the table to face him. Arthur looked up at him, "What is it?"

"I'm sorry," Merlin said, deciding to apologise again.

Arthur shrugged, "What for?"

"For yelling at you the other day," Merlin said guiltily. He looked down and ran his fingers across the back of the chair. "I didn't even stop to think, or listen to you, and I'm sorry, very sorry."

Arthur sighed. "Stop moping, Merlin. It's starting to irritate me. You apologised yesterday; I vaguely remember that."

"Even so I should have known better than to think that you would..."

"Merlin," the prince said firmly.

The servant was silenced immediately. Merlin had a terrible habit of babbling when he trying to anything he disliked, such as apologising, and Arthur was not in the mood for it especially since he didn't feel the need for an apology. On reflection he hadn't even been that angry by Merlin yelling at him in the first place; he was more concerned about Gwen.

"It's alright," Arthur told him. "I understand why you did it; you did it to defend Gwen. You weren't to know that servant was from my father and given my track record before now I can't really criticise you for yelling at me..."

Merlin smiled, "Really?"

"I could understand why," Arthur said. "I promised you before this whole thing started that I would treat her with respect. It must have seemed that I had... let you both down."

"I wasn't bothered about me," Merlin said remembering the moment that had only occurred just a few days ago. "It was just the shock..."

"Yes," Arthur said quietly. He clasped his hands together and quickly changed the subject. "Anyway, let's forget about; it's water under a bridge."

Merlin nodded and walked over to the bed change the sheets while Arthur compiled all the orders that he needed to give him. Before he could announce them Merlin spoke again.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to look after you last night," he told him. "I was... called away, and since Gaius said you didn't really need me..."

"It's alright," Arthur said. He was starting to get irritated by Merlin's numerous apologises. "Gwen was here."

"Yes, I know, she..." Merlin began before he stopped and turned. Arthur also turned his chair to face him, waiting for him to finish. "She said she would look after you while I... dealt with that thing. I hope that was alright."

Arthur tilted his head. Merlin's attempt to avoid the thing that called him away intrigued him but not enough to question him about it.

Instead, he smiled and said: "It was more that 'alright', Merlin."

Merlin dropped the pillow he was holding, hooked by the tone of Arthur's voice. "Why?" he said eagerly. "Did something happen..?"

"You know I'm not one to kiss and tell," replied Arthur, to which Merlin scoffed and Arthur chuckled.

Merlin knew that tone in Arthur's voice meant something good had happened. It also indicated that he was going to tell him about it. The thing that intrigued Merlin was that it was Gwen; there was promise that the issues brought on by 'the pay off' had been resolved.

"Oh come on!" Merlin finally said, picking up the pillow again to remove its cover. "You can't say that and then not tell me."

"Yes I can."

The servant groaned, "Fine then."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "If it'll stop you sulking then I'll tell you."

Merlin dropped the pillow again and leant against the poster of the bed eagerly. He knew that Arthur had intended to tell him all along but he indulged his master by pretending it was a real treat for the ears.

"Well," Arthur began. "I suppose you could say we 'resolved' our issues last night, and this morning..."

A thought sprang to Merlin's mind. "You didn't...?"

"No!" Arthur said quickly.

"You don't know what I was going to say," the servant chuckled.

"I didn't need to," Arthur replied. "Get your mind out of the gutter. Nothing like that happened. Not last night in any case."

Merlin tilted his head and grinned. "But you _did_ kiss and make up?"

Arthur brought his hand to his mouth to cover his smile. He was feeling quite pleased with himself. "I suppose you could say that."

Merlin laughed. "That's brilliant! What are you going to do now?"

"Ah!" Arthur said pleasantly, finally finding an excuse to drop his list of chores for Merlin to carry out. "I'm glad you brought that up. I have a few things I need you to do for me."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, "A _few_ things?"

"I need a bath."

Annoyance sparked in Merlin eyes; it was always a hard chore drawing a bath. "Need one or just want one?"

"Need one," Arthur said, getting to his feet. "I plan to speak to my father later today and, according to our dear Gwen, the 'desperate drunk' look will not have the effect I am looking for."

"I imagine not," Merlin remarked as he went on working. "What do you want to see him for?"

"Elaine," Arthur said simply. "I'm going to tell my father that I'm not going through with the engagement."

Merlin was stuck, frozen. The words hit him as if Arthur had literally hurled something at him, stunning him utterly that nothing made sense.

"Are you serious?" Merlin asked, and Arthur nodded. The servant began to splutter and stumble over his words. He felt both happiness and dread; happy for his two friends and dread for Uther's reaction. "Your calling off the... you mean you won't be... and you'll... because of—wow!"

"Glad to see you're so pleased for me."

"It's just a surprise," he said again, grinning inanely. "I didn't think you could get out of a royal engagement."

"You can't in theory," Arthur said. "But my 'engagement' to Elaine is not finalised yet so there is no contract to get out of besides which, my father can't finalise it unless I agree to sign it."

"...which you won't?"

"You catch on quick," Arthur said sarcastically.

"Are you sure you've thought this through?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Oh God, not you too! Yes, I _have_ thought it through. A million times, in fact, and I can see no obvious benefit of marrying Elaine."

Merlin was in no position to argue with Arthur as he knew little about the conflict in Rheged. It was only through discussion with Gaius and court gossip was that he knew Elaine was Arthur's maternal cousin and the product of a very powerful (and fertile) king and queen.

"And then what?" he finally said.

"And then what, what?" Arthur asked.

"After you call off the engagement with Elaine," Merlin said. "What will you do after that?"

Arthur had only barely worked out what he was going to tell his father let alone what he would do 'afterwards'. He liked to think that even if there was the slightest chance marrying Elaine would benefit Camelot, he would somehow be able to make peace with it. However he felt not only reluctant to marry Elaine but a powerful urge to avoid it at all costs.

He had wondered during his many hours of brooding whether he was merely been blinded by his passion for Guinevere. But it was more than that and sadly was a concept that would be difficult for Uther to understand.

No matter what he did Camelot would have to aid Lot in the Rheged conflict out of respect for his aunt Anna if nothing else.

Instead of answering the question Arthur ordered Merlin to fetch what was need for his bath.

"Yes, sire" Merlin said with a sigh. He headed for the door when he remembered what George had told him and span around again. "Oh, yeah, actually the king sent word that he wanted to see you this evening."

Arthur's head shot around to look at him. "When was this?"

"Just before I headed off to work George came 'round to my house and asked if I could let you know that the king want to see your later this evening," Merlin explained. "I suppose he wants to talk to you after the banquet."

"What banquet?"

"The one being held for Sir Bors," Merlin said, trying to remind him. "If you'll recall he has taken the vow of chivalry? God, you _must_ have drunk more than your fair share last night."

Arthur looked at Merlin with 'that look', "I _do_ remember. I've just had more on my mind that Bors taking a vow of purity; I don't even talk to him much."

"No," Merlin said, opening the door. "The status of purity isn't really your scene, is it?"

"Shut up, Merlin!"

-

Morgana sat at her dresser waiting for Gwen to return with Fach. The young maid had turned up earlier to wake her mistress up. Morgana had wondered whether or not to impart her fears of last night's dream to her but, after Merlin's advice, she decided otherwise.

After Merlin had left her last night Morgana had laid in bed thinking about her dream and about him. She thought about how he had literally spent the last half-hour inside her mind. It made her blush to think about it; it was the most intimate she had ever been with anyone.

She had sighed many times as she ran through the events in her head. The more she thought about them the tighter the feeling in her chest became, and the tighter that became, the most she craved (and dreaded) seeing Merlin again.

Morgana had always thought she knew her own mind, but it turned out Merlin knew it better than she did. She had also considered herself more in depth with knowledge about men than most women, but with Merlin she never knew where she was. It turned out she knew next to nothing. Gwen understood more than she did and had experienced more than she had despite being younger and, initially, shyer.

When Gwen turned up to rouse her Morgana had noticed that Gwen was in a much brighter mood than she had been. This immediately told her that something good had happened, something that Morgana wanted all the dirt on.

After Gwen had helped Morgana dress she had told Gwen that Merlin was looking after Fach and that she could bring the dog back to her room. She waited patiently for her maid to return so she could learn what had put a spring in her step. She could guess though.

"I'm back," Gwen called cheerfully as she re-entered the room.

The little dog Fach rushed excitedly into the room and settled down by an empty chair, waiting for her mistress to sit beside her. Morgana had a look in her eye that matched Fach's look; eagerness.

Gwen noticed the look and wondered what was passing through her mind. She couldn't help but smile, "What is it?"

"You," Morgana said gesturing her hand towards her friend. "You seem happier all of a sudden, brighter... you could light a room with your brightness."

"Oh," Gwen said, slightly flattered and still smiling. "Thank you."

"So, are you going to tell me the route of this sudden cheer?" Morgana asked with her own smile widening. "Or shall I guess?"

Gwen shrugged, "I'm just... happy today."

Morgana nodded, unconvinced, "Just happy?"

The maid nodded back and tried to contain her laugh, unsuccessfully. "I resolved a few problems."

"And that made you happy?"

"Yes."

Morgana sighed, "That's nice because you look like you're in love, again."

Gwen felt a blushed cover her cheeks and she finally let her laughter out. "I was in love yesterday too, and the day before that. I just happened to..." she stopped and saw the look on Morgana's face, begging her to say the words. Gwen sighed, "I've been speaking to Arthur."

"I knew it!" Morgana said triumphantly. "You were with him last night, weren't you?"

Gwen nodded, "And this morning."

"Did you—?" Morgana asked suggestively.

"No," Gwen replied quickly. "Not last night or this morning, in any case. I didn't think it was right, given that he's supposed to be marrying Elaine. Besides, he was drunk last night so it wouldn't have been fair..."

"Of course not," Morgana agreed, feeling more laughter bubble up inside her. "It would have been unfair to take advantage of Arthur like that."

Gwen chuckled too, "I don't think he would have minded, really. It was the Elaine factor more than anything else."

Then mention of Elaine had reminded Morgana of her dream last night. She settled down, cleared her throat and regained her composure. "You know he's not officially betrothed to her yet," Morgana told her.

"I know," Gwen said, before swallowed and carried on. "He told me this morning that he was going to refuse her..."

Morgana eyes widened. "Refuse her? You mean he's going to tell Uther that he won't marry her?"

"Yes."

Morgana shook her head, "I admire his courage; how do you feel about it?"

"Like you," Gwen replied. "I admire his courage."

"He's doing it for you," Morgana said, knowing she was stating the obvious but felt that Gwen needed to hear it nonetheless. "He may not say it straight but that's why."

"I know all of that," Gwen said, sighing. "I'm just worried he's going to do something he'll later regret. We both always said that we'd do the best not only by each other but Camelot too..."

"And you think that it's wrong for him to refuse Elaine?"

"That's just it!" Gwen said, stress in her voice. "I don't think he should marry Elaine. I feel it would be the _worst_ thing he could do... and that makes me think my judgement—_our_ _judgement_—is unreliable."

"Maybe you're both right," Morgana suggested, listening carefully. "You once told me that people should rely on what they feel not just what others say is right."

"I realise now it's easier to say those sorts of things when you're impartial," Gwen admitted with a brave smile. "I love him madly but it's hard to follow your heart when so much may depend on what you end up doing. That's why I admire his courage."

For some reason, Morgana didn't know why, she found herself thinking of Merlin again. The way he described his destiny and so freely offered up his life for other people was similar to what Gwen was talking about. But that wasn't the only reason she thought of Merlin.

"I also think about what will happen after he has refused Elaine," Gwen confessed. "I worry about everyone's reaction."

"Uther will be furious," Morgana conceded. "I don't know what King Lot will think, but then again he's so self-involved I doubt he'll notice. Queen Anna has always been fond of Arthur so she might understand..."

"Would she understand if it upsets her daughter?"

Morgana scoffed, "I don't think Elaine will be all that bothered to be honest."

"I never really met her so I wouldn't know," she replied.

Gwen tried to remember Elaine from the last time the Orcadian royal family visited. Elaine was about two years younger than Gwen so she had probably changed a lot since then. All Gwen could remember was that she was beautiful even then.

"It's funny," Gwen confessed. "A few months ago I told you that I would never consider being someone's mistress, that I had more pride than that... but now I'm starting to see what you meant about it sometimes being the only way."

Morgana nodded, "None of us know what we would do until we're in that situation."

"It's not the prospect of being a mistress that bothers me," Gwen admitted with an ironic laugh. "It's the prospect of having to share Arthur with someone else. I hate it. I hate it so much that I find it hard not to be selfish..."

"Then be selfish!" Morgana declared. "For the love of Don, you deserve it. Why should you give up your needs for other people all the time? It could be so much worse..."

"I know," Gwen agreed. "It's hard to see how, though."

"Well," Morgana began, thinking again of her own confused feelings. It made a faint blush creep across her face. "Imagine if your roles were reversed," she finally said. "Imagine if _you_ were the noble and _he_ was the servant. A powerful man can have whoever he wants and not be judged whereas a powerful woman is branded a whore no matter who she cavorts with. Falling in love with a servant for a woman is classed as _an unnatural act_."

Gwen nodded, "You're right, of course."

"I mean," Morgana went on. "Arthur can look after you whether you're married or not, but if you were born a lady and he a servant, there would be no future for you or him..."

"That's true," Gwen agreed.

"And if you were found out that would be even worse?" Morgana added. "That would be the _ruin_ of you. Never mind your father marching you and him off to church with a sword in your back; he'd just cut his head off and stuff you in a nunnery... or pawn you off with the first unfussy man who came along—"

"My lady," Gwen interrupted. "Is there are point to this?"

"No" Morgana said quickly. She smiled weakly and forced herself to regain her cheerful voice again, "I'm just trying to cheer you up that's all."

Gwen smiled despite herself and decided she had had enough of her personal life. Instead, she tilted her head and thought about the previous night again and how Morgana had asked for Merlin's help. Arthur had distracted her from her curiosity then, but now it started to creep up on her again.

"Is there something bothering _you_?" Gwen asked.

Morgana blinked, "No, why?"

"You just seem a little... hysterical."

"Do I?" Morgana asked, pretending that it was not true although she knew it was. All this talk of matters of the heart was starting to make her think. She looked down awkwardly and wondered if she should share her feelings with someone.

Morgana looked up at Gwen; she had a feeling she already knew what was going through her head. Her rambling had been a clear indicator. "Gwen," she finally said.

"Yes?" Gwen replied.

"If your roles were reversed with Arthur's," Morgana began, "what would you do, do you think?"

"In regards to... what exactly?"

"Would you have told him how you felt about him?" Morgana asked.

Gwen shrugged, "I don't know really; so much of who we are is dependent on the fact I am a servant and he is the prince. I don't see how status makes telling someone you love them any easier or harder."

"But would you have still told him?"

Gwen smiled again, "Yes. I think I'd have told him in the end."

Morgana looked down at Gwen's feet. Throughout the whole conversation Fach had been quietly watching the pair of them, wagging her tail. Morgana understood why Gwen was so fond of her little dog; Fach was someone who listened to ramblings of people and wouldn't tell or judge.

"Is there any reason you ask?" Gwen asked curiously.

Morgana looked at her again and smiled. "No, I'm just curious."

-

A group of servants were gathered around the table in the middle of the kitchen just after the morning breakfast. It was a ritual commonly known to the servants of Camelot. The nobility considered the lower classes to be simple but with the knowledge the servants of Camelot gained between them they had enough clout to start an uprising. The only thing that stopped them was that without the upper class they wouldn't have a job, or the gossip.

The kitchen table was always gossip central for the castle, more so than the great hall or the audience room.

The gossip was usually about their noble masters and any dirty secrets they had such as the fact that Lady Ector's hair was really a wig, and whether something was going on between her son Sir Kay and the widowed Lady Bedivere... and it was all revealed for their amusement.

Even Arthur used the servants' gossip as a source of information especially if the king had set him to find out something in.

Today, however, servants were all twittering about one piece of gossip in particular. It had all come about when two young servant girls, a talkative one called Maud and her shy friend Caecila, rushed into the servants' quarters saying that the shy girl had seen something _deliciously_ scandalous...

"I don't believe it," said one of the servants who worked in the stables called Simon. "I mean, when I heard it, I just _couldn't_ believe it."

"None of us could," said Sarah, who was the maidservant to Percival and Lamorak's mother. "It's not really something you'd associate with Gwen, is it?"

Erec, Lamorak's unfortunate manservant whose arm was still in a sling and second youngest at the table after the cook's son, turned to Maud with a sceptical look on his face. "You're not making this up, are you? You can be a right tattle-tale."

Maud gave him a wide-eyed look. "Me? I'm not the one who saw it. Caecila saw it and she wouldn't lie about something like that."

"No, it's just you who's is now telling everyone," joked Simon the stable boy.

Maud gave him a small whack and leapt to her feet. "I have to go, anyway. Lots of work to do; you can't expect Caecila to make all the beds on her own."

The band of servants watched her go before they all huddled together again. They knew Maud was right when she said that Cecilia would not lie about something like that. She was a shy girl with little spite or clout who admired Gwen.

"Maud was _very_ excited when she told me," Sarah explained to the others. "She came running into my lady's rooms with Cecilia in tow and blurted it out just like that. Thank God my lady wasn't there!"

"She'll find out about it soon enough," Erec told her. "The way Maud is going by the end of tonight's banquet everyone in Camelot will probably know."

"Wait!" said a chambermaid called Emma, pointing at the stairs leading up to the castle. "Here's the man to ask."

Merlin strode into the kitchen that moment. He was clearly worn from dragging a bath tub, a cauldron and several buckets of water to heat and fill his master's bath. Once that was all done he had asked Arthur if he could go and find Gwen to let her know where Fach was.

He had also hoped to find Gwen in the kitchen but there was no sight of her; she was probably with Morgana, filling her in on last night's events as Arthur had done with him. She would probably tell Gwen where Fach was too.

Merlin turned to see everyone sitting at the table staring and grinning at him. He chuckled when he saw the old huddle gossiping in the centre of the kitchen as he had spent many joyful mornings laughing at Arthur's expense with them.

"What's the word today?" he asked them. "It must be something good."

"I'm surprised _you_ don't know Merlin!" remarked Emma.

"I'd have thought you of all people would know," said the cook's young son. He then turned back to the other servants and chuckled, "I told you _ages ago_ that something was going on but did you believe me? No."

Merlin tilted his head. "Saw what?"

"You can't blame us," Sarah said. "It is pretty hard to believe, and when we asked Merlin he said he didn't know anything..."

"But Merlin _can_ be gullible," the cook's son said.

Merlin scowled, "Oi!"

The cook turned briefly and gave her son a gentle clout around the head with her free hand, clearly not impressed by her son's rudeness.

"That's enough!" she scolded. "Merlin's got more sense than you have, I'll tell you that, my boy!" She then turned her frown on the younger servants. "And shame on all of you spreading malicious lies around _my_ kitchen."

"It's not a lie," said one of the drapers. "Caecila saw her this morning, and Edgar, who lives close by to her, said that all of her washing is still out."

Merlin chuckled. "Seen who?"

"Maud is a spiteful little so-and-so!" snapped the cook. "I'll bet you what Caecila actually saw was nothing like what that tattle-tale is spreading. Like young Erec said she's always making something out of nothing."

"How can you say seeing them together outside his room nothing?" asked Emma.

"She _is_ a servant," the cook retorted. "Just like you and me; it's our jobs to serve the snobs upstairs and do whatever old George assigns us to do."

"Quiet, mother; someone might hear you!" hissed the son.

"He's right," agreed Erec. "Old George would rat us all out to the king if he felt like it, the old goat.

Sarah rolled her eyes and gestured towards Merlin. "If he needed something he would have asked Merlin. He wouldn't have asked Gwen, would he?"

Merlin's ears spiked and his eyes widened. _He knew what they were talking about now. _

"You're talking about Arthur and Gwen?" Merlin finally said.

He wondered if he might be able to cover it up a little bit. He was, after all, a servant who was perceived to be 'in the know' when it came to Arthur.

"Yes," said Sarah. "You must know something about it; you are Prince Arthur's servant."

"No!" Merlin said defensively before he began to backtrack. "I mean, _yes_, I knew she was there last night but… well, Arthur wasn't feeling well so she said she would look after him."

Merlin hadn't noticed Gregory, who had been sitting silently, looking rather down, until he finally spoke: "Where were you?"

Everyone pointed at Gregory and nodded. "Yeah, why weren't _you_ looking after him?" Erec asked curiously.

Merlin felt his cheeks burn as he tried to come up with an excuse. He could hardly tell them he had been with Morgana last night. It just allowed for more questions; why had Merlin and Gwen 'traded' their respective masters last night?

He looked over his shoulder and saw that even the cook had stopped her work to listen curiously to Merlin's excuses. In the end he smiled falsely and said: "I… was _very_ tired and she kindly said she'd look after him for me."

Gregory raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. He knew that Merlin had spent yesterday searching for Arthur, who in turn had been drinking, and that any illness was no doubt brought on by a hangover; not infection. He said nothing, however.

Sarah shook her head. "If you say so Merlin," she laughed, "but Maud saw the two of them _together_ outside his room. They weren't just standing there having a nice little chat… they were _kissing_."

"No," the cook gasped, finally letting go of her prickliness over the whole gossip. "I don't believe it!"

Merlin gasped. "Oh God..."

"Ah ha!" remarked stable boy. "So you _do_ know about it!"

"No, I _don't_" he said awkwardly, rubbing his elbows and avoiding eyes contact with the half a dozen servants staring at him and waiting for answers.

"Ha, well, that confirms it!" concluded the chambermaid. "There _is_ something going on between Arthur and Gwen, no question."

Merlin looked uncomfortable. "You don't know that."

"Yes we do because you won't deny it," said Sarah. "You'd be laughing along with us if it weren't true but you're standing there keeping hot under the collar, ergo, it _must_ be true."

Merlin glanced back at her, "Even if it is I wouldn't tell you anything."

The cook nodded, "Well said, Merlin."

"It's not my place to," he added. "And Arthur would kill me."

"Spoil sport!" the cook's son sulked.

She gave him another little clout and pushed quickly him towards the kitchen door. "You get back to work," she snapped. "This talk is not proper for a young lad like you."

The young boy pouted and tore out of the kitchen in a huff of fury. The cook then turned her scowl on the young gossiping servants again. Merlin sat down where her son had been next to Gregory who remained silent.

Merlin was stunned that they seemed to all _know_ and it took him a few seconds to grasp the implications; Arthur and Gwen's relationship was out. If the servants knew it would only be a matter of time before the masters knew too.

He looked at Erec. "How's your arm?"

Erec smiled, "It's getting better thanks. I'm seeing Gaius later to see if I can have it out of the sling soon."

"Why do you find it so hard to believe Gwen is having an affair with Arthur?" Sarah asked the cook, changing the subject back again despite Merlin's subtle attempt to change it.

"Because she's too good for his like," the cook replied.

"He's alright actually," Merlin said, trying to speak in his master's defence; he knew Gwen would if she were there. "Once you get passed the snobby, prattish side of him he's not all that bad."

"And he's ever so good-looking," added Sarah dreamily, leaning back and folding her arms. "I wouldn't say no for that reason alone; why should Gwen be any different? She's the same as any other woman."

The cook continued to glare at them. "The lot of you sitting 'round here gossiping behind our Gwen's back is disgraceful. She is still one of us, remember; she's a friend!"

"We're not trying to be nasty," said Sarah defensively.

"We're fascinated by the whole thing because she _is_ one of us," Erec added cheerfully. "I mean lots of girls of our rank have given favours to nobility and royalty before but it's never been anything like _this_!"

Merlin could understand why they were enthralled with the whole thing and something told him they were telling the truth when they said they weren't trying to be unkind.

"I hope she'll be alright," Erec finished.

"She'll be fine," said Sarah assured him. "Gwen has a brilliant knack for survival."

"I feel sorry for her in some ways," said another kitchen worker. "Those noblewomen can be right bitches."

"Language!" snapped the cook.

"How'd you mean?" Merlin asked.

"They'll be nasty to Gwen when they find out," explained Emma the chambermaid. "It's only because they're jealous."

"Exactly!" said one of the garden servants who had just walked in and overheard the conversation. "I just heard about this from old Edgar; you've got to admire Gwen's guts if she's willing to face those harpies upstairs."

"They'd resent _anyone_ who had Arthur," said Erec. "All those women tend to care about are material things. You know the sort of thing; jewellery, clothes, make-up, their hair…"

"Half of them need all that stuff to look half-decent," Gregory contributed to the conversation. "Even then they aren't as pretty as Gwen."

"That's another thing they hate; women who are prettier than them," said the gardener.

"All women are like that," Erec joked, and subsequently received an elbow in the ribs from Sarah.

Merlin noticed that Gregory still appeared rather quiet and uncomfortable. He placed a hand on his shoulder, "Are you alright?"

Gregory looked up.

"Oh, yes," he said absently. "You know I think I should be getting back to Percival; he'll be wondering where I am."

He clumsily got to his feet in typical Gregory-style and trotted off upstairs like a lonely dog to find his master. Merlin watched him leave curiously, feeling immediately that something was wrong. He turned to the others, "Is he alright?"

"God, everything passes you by, doesn't it?" Erec joked.

"Why, what's wrong?" Merlin asked.

"You really don't know?" said Sarah, bemused. "He's in love with Gwen."

Merlin's eyes widened; that was the first thing he had heard today that to truly surprised him. "Really?" he said.

"Bless him; has been for years," said the cook, sympathetically.

"Since he first came here at fourteen," said Simon the stable boy. "She used to console him after Arthur had finished abusing him."

"I'm surprised you didn't realise," said Emma the chambermaid.

"It's one of the reasons he admires you so much," added Sarah. "You could talk to Gwen so easily that he felt safer being around her when you were there."

"That's incredible," said Merlin unable to contain a chuckle. "I thought it was because I saved him from Arthur throwing knives at him."

The ultimate irony was that originally Gwen had developed a crush of Merlin himself. He felt a little bad for Gregory, who must have been pining for Gwen all that time while she was pining for Merlin. Nonetheless the idea of Gwen and Gregory seemed ridiculous in Merlin's head; they just didn't fit together.

Now Gregory had received another slap in the face to find out about Arthur and Gwen. It seemed the poor old knife-dodging-wonder couldn't catch a break.

Merlin shook his head and laughed again. "I never realised, does Gwen know?"

"I don't know," said the cook. "I think she does but is either to modest to admit it or doesn't want to say anything in case she hurts his feelings. It's not going to do him much good now, is it?"

"No," Merlin said, as it once again dawned on him that very soon everyone in the castle would know about Arthur and Gwen. He leapt to his feet, "I've got to get going."

"Need to be somewhere?" asked the cook.

"I need to speak to—" Merlin began, but stopped, wishing to remain impartial still. "I need to speak to _someone_ about... something."

Sarah sniggered, "No need to pretend, Merlin. It's like Emma said; your tone of voice is proof the rumour is true."

"That and you're a terrible liar," Erec added.

Merlin stopped in his tracks and lowered his head as the group of servants chuckled. "Thanks for the support, guys." He turned to open the door when another thought occurred to him. "If you see Gwen," he said, "then tell her I'm looking for her."

"Sure," said Erec.

"Also if you see her," he added quickly. "And I'm not saying the rumours are true, but if you do see her, can you... well, don't..."

"Merlin," Sarah said, raising her hand to silence him. "Merlin, I promise you we won't say anything to upset her; I swear on my brother's life."

Erec stared at her, "_I'm _your brother!"

"And that is a testament to how much Merlin can trust me," Sarah told him with a sharky smile, and turned back to Merlin. "If we see her we'll let her know you're looking for her."

Merlin nodded and rushed upstairs.

He decided to stop off there to see if Gwen had collected Fach yet before rushing to fill Arthur in on the gossip. He would have to tell Morgana too, not because she needed to know but because she would want to know and feel left out if she did not hear it from them first.

Merlin popped his head around the door to see Gaius sitting at the table putting together a medicine. He turned to see the head propped in the doorway.

"Merlin," he said, "is there something wrong?"

"Yes," Merlin said distractedly. "I mean, no... Is Fach still here?"

"Gwen picked her up earlier."

"Did she seem... upset?"

Gaius tilted his head, "She seemed perfectly fine to me."

That meant Gwen didn't know yet. Merlin knew the best thing to do would be to tell her so that, once she started walking around the castle, she wouldn't be caught off guard. There was nothing to fear from Erec and the others but the nobility were a different matter.

"Is something wrong?" Gaius asked.

Merlin wondered if he should just tell him but decided he didn't have enough time. "You'll find out soon enough."

As Merlin closed the door Gaius shook his head and got back to his work. Gwen had seemed in a much better mood than she had been for the last few days so he was curious why Merlin would be worried.

Gaius was determined not to concern himself with the private lives of the younger generation any more. He would no longer worry about Arthur and Gwen or Merlin and Morgana or the other interrelationships between the four of them. The less he knew the less he would be forced to reveal to Uther should he be called upon in the near future.

* * *


	18. Part 18

* * *

Arthur walked down the hallways towards Morgana's chambers. He didn't know why he was bothering since Merlin hadn't even bothered to explain why. It was curiosity that made him leave practising what he would say to his father and follow his inept manservant to this strange meeting he had called. Part of him found the whole thing amusing, like there was some sort of conspiracy.

He walked across the courtyard and passed several of the servants and guards. Some of them turned their heads while others stopped to watch him. It seemed strange but he thought nothing of it. Once he began to ascend the stairs and the staring went on he started to wonder what was wrong.

Merlin was waiting for him at the top of the stairs. "We've been waiting for you," he said.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "For God's sake, enough of the dramatics! What's this all about?"

They both walked into the room to find Morgana and Gwen sitting at the small table with Fach sitting beneath her mistress's skirts. She rushed out at the sight of Merlin and Arthur to greet them enthusiastically.

"Wow," Arthur remarked sarcastically, leaning down to stroke the dog's head. "Even Fach is here, it _must_ be important."

Gwen chuckled as Arthur took a seat next to her and Fach sat between them on the floor. Merlin stood before his three friends and clasped his hands together.

"Okay," he began. "I know this seems a little weird but I thought it would be better if you heard this from me first—"

"Are you taking up the post of court jester?" Arthur asked, still not taking his friend seriously. "And you're trying your new material on us?"

The girls laughed and Merlin scowled. "I'm trying to tell you something serious!"

"Are you dumping us?" Gwen quipped.

Morgana hid a smirk behind her hand while Arthur chocked back a snigger. Merlin rolled his eyes and looked to Arthur again; "You're a bad influence on her!"

"She's right though," Arthur said. "You're mumbling like a schoolboy in love. Just split it out and tell us what it is, Merlin!"

Merlin folded his arms. "Everyone knows."

"What?" Arthur shrugged.

"Everyone _knows_."

"_What?_"

"What do you mean what?" Merlin snapped back. "Everyone knows," he pointed at Arthur and Gwen, "about you two."

The three friends stopped smiling and they assumed a more serious posture. Arthur and Gwen looked at each other and Morgana looked between them and Merlin. Every single thing that happened made her remember her dream. "How do you know?" she asked.

"Go down to the kitchens," Merlin advised her. "It's all they can talk about."

Arthur looked up at Merlin; annoyance in his eyes. Someone had talked and, whether it was Merlin or not, he would be the innocent bystander to feel his wrath. "How could everyone know?" he queried. "Don't tell me _you_ told someone!"

"Arthur I never breathed a word!" Merlin said defensively. "And I'm hurt you think I would..."

"That's rich considering you quite freely accused _me_ of _something_ I wouldn't do," he said with persistence in his voice.

Merlin scowled, "That's not fair! I've apologised _twice_ and you forgave me. You _know_ I wouldn't tell anyone."

Arthur took a deep breath. "You're right I'm sorry."

Gwen and Morgana glanced at each other before Gwen spoke, her voice strangely calm. "Do you know who found out?"

"Cecilia," Merlin said quietly.

Arthur looked at him blankly and leant over to Gwen, "Cecilia, which one is she?"

"She's one of the lower maids," Gwen replied. "She works in the same wing of the castle your chambers are in." She turned to Merlin, "It doesn't seem like Cecilia to run around spreading rumours, though."

"Cecilia told Maud," Merlin told her. "Maud told Sarah and Erec, who then went to the kitchen at told everyone down there."

Gwen rolled her eyes, "If Maud knows the whole of Camelot knows."

Arthur listened to them amazed. It appeared the servants had a whole network between them that allowed them to know everything about everyone in the castle. The thing that amazed him even more was that Gwen and Merlin seemed to know most of their fellow servants by name; he couldn't do that with half the nobility!

"How did this Cecilia find out?" Morgana asked, clearly as clueless about the 'servant network' as Arthur was.

Merlin looked at Arthur. "She saw you both kissing outside your chambers this morning."

"But I didn't see—" Arthur began.

Gwen smiled and placed a hand on his. "Arthur, you know as well as I do that there are plenty of reliable alcoves all over this castle."

There was an amusing but awkward silence as images popped into both Merlin and Morgana's minds. They weren't sure whether they were merely imaginary or real; one could never tell with their abilities. "We won't ask you how you know that," Morgana commented.

Arthur smiled faintly. There had been many times he and Gwen had ducked into dark alcoves for moments during long days that went on forever. It never occurred to him before that other people might use the alcoves for their own purposes.

Merlin spoke up. "I didn't mean to startle you both; I just didn't want you to find out another way..."

Gwen nodded, "Thank you."

"The question is," Arthur sighed. "What do we do now?"

There was another moment of silence. It quickly dawned on Merlin and Morgana that the question excluded the two of them.

Morgana stood up, "If you both need somewhere to talk..."

"No, it's fine," Gwen said quickly. Both she and Arthur got to their feet. "I'll be back in a minute."

"I believe there is a vacant alcove just outside," Arthur remarked.

Merlin and Morgana once again exchanged looks. They both thought of Uther's reaction to the whole court knowing about the relationship. It was a thought that crossed Gwen's mind also. She offered her two friends a brave smile before she turned to follow Arthur out the door.

It was only that morning she had been saying how she sometimes wished their relationship wasn't secret. This situation was a testament to the saying: 'Be careful what you wish for.'

Gwen followed Arthur to the narrow alcove that stood around the corner just outside Morgana's room that very few people noticed. It was dusty, bleak and cramped making it an undesirable location for their trysts not least because it was outside Morgana's room. There was less than an inch between them but at least there was less chance of servants seeing them.

"Good," Arthur observed, "It looks like this one is unoccupied."

Gwen chuckled despite herself. "It's ironic, isn't it?"

"What aspect of this situation do you find particularly ironic?"

"Our conversation this morning," she said. "I said that I wished this was all out in the open, and now it is. Talk about a twist of fate."

"It certainly gives meaning to the saying 'be careful what you wish for'" Arthur agreed.

Gwen sighed, "Well, it's out now and there's little chance of denying it if someone actually saw us."

"It had to be on a day when a banquet is being held to celebrate a knight joining the vow of purity," Arthur lamented. He tried to run his hand through his hair but the space between he and Gwen was too small.

"It's called the 'order of chivalry'," Gwen corrected.

"I know," Arthur chuckled briefly. "The term 'vow of purity' is just something the knights call it; the ones like me who couldn't be pure to save their life."

"You can be pure," Gwen said, tilting her head, "just a different type of pure."

"These are fanatics," Arthur replied, tilting his head also. "You and I have done things they probably can't even pronounce," (at which point Gwen couldn't help bleating out a laugh), "The point is the irony won't be lost on the courtiers either."

Gwen leant against wall, "I know."

Arthur was worried for Gwen. He had little to fear from court gossip as he had already been branded 'fickle' in regards to women despite the fact that most of the gossip was exaggerated. When he began his relationship with Gwen the first thing he had done was to debunk the rumours that were false, and confess to the ones that were true. Gwen was a more likely to be the victim of vicious court etiquette.

Merlin came out of Morgana's room at that moment. He seemed awkward, fiddling with fingers as he descended the stairs. Arthur expected Merlin to stop and talk to them or at least say goodbye. Instead he shot passed the alcove without even noticing them, skipped down the stairs and left.

Arthur ignored him and turned back to Gwen.

"I wish I could protect you from what's to come," he finally confessed, the hopelessness evident in his voice. "Unfortunately I can't stop them talking about you, even if we were to publically acknowledge each other before the whole court they would still talk. It's their etiquette to put down those they perceive as inferior to them."

"I don't expect such a miracle," Gwen joked, before she lowered her head and swallowed the lump in her throat. "I know what the court is like. I have watched their 'etiquette', as you call it, ever since I entered servitude. It is equivalent to a pack of wolves tearing apart a lamb."

Arthur moved forward. "But if anyone says something to upset you..."

"I'll just ignore them," Gwen stated.

That wasn't what Arthur meant and she knew it, but she needed to stand up for herself; to hide behind him was exactly what they would want her to do. She knew she couldn't let Arthur fight her battles for her.

"After all," she said with an assuring smile, "I'm a big, grown-up girl who can dress herself and everything."

"That's something half of them can't do," Arthur joked, knowing it was somewhat hypocritical for him to say.

"Besides," Gwen added, moving closer to him. "Of all the things they could say about me it all boils down to two things: one, I am a commoner and two, I am a servant. There is nothing they can say that hasn't been said before."

Arthur said nothing but vowed that if any of the knights said anything he didn't like or tried to put Gwen down within his ear shot, he would put them in place.

"My father wishes to speak to me after the banquet tonight," he told her suddenly.

Gwen nodded slowly, "Are you certain you want to do this?"

Arthur leant forward and placed a kiss on her lips. There was so little space in the tiny nook that they were unable to embrace each other; all they could do was press themselves against each other.

"Absolutely," he breathed.

"And there is nothing I can say to change your mind?" Gwen asked.

"Do you want me to change my mind?"

She shook her head. "It's only the fear of what he'll do to you that makes me say that."

"I told you," he said, placing a succession of brief kisses on her lips. "I'm not worried about what he'll do to me."

-

Morgana turned to Merlin as Arthur and Gwen left the room.

"Something's going to happen," she said fragilely. "I know it."

He looked at her, firmness in his eyes. "You can't tell them; they wouldn't understand."

"I know that," she said drawing closer to him. "But this feeling..."

"A sense of doom," Merlin said, his expression softened. "I know the feeling, I feel it too, but we'll do more damage interfering."

"You believe that?" she queried.

Merlin was beginning to take his role as Morgana's tutor and advisor in terms of magic very seriously. In trying to give her sound advice he found himself prematurely aged. He was saying what Gaius told him; it was only his warnings of what might happen if Morgana were exposed for what she was that made him say the mature advice rather than the Merlin advice.

"Believe me," he finally said. "I've been there and done it. You may try to do the right thing but it blows up in your face. Gaius said I should stop doing it, so I will."

Morgana sighed, "I suppose you're right."

"Besides," Merlin added, putting in his own thoughts after all, "it's none of our business. We can't, you know, tell them what they should do or steer them in the direction we think is best..."

"You're right," she said with a nod. "All we can do is support them."

The pair of them stood silently for a moment as they considered what to do or say. Merlin wondered if he should just leave although he didn't want to and Morgana searched her head for conversation to keep him there with her.

"I thought about you this morning," Morgana suddenly said, thinking of how she had laid there until daybreak in a semi-conscious state with nothing but the dream and Merlin on her mind. She looked up and noticed Merlin's cheeks had reddened and he was awkwardly slanting to one side on his feet. It occurred to her how the sentence had sounded. "By that I mean," she went on, "about seeing you in the dream."

"Oh," Merlin said, still embarrassed. "You didn't by any case see what I was up to in the dream, did you?"

Morgana shook her head, "I'm afraid not. I didn't go back to sleep after you left, I just sort of lay there and thought."

"Oh well," he said, walking over to where Fach was sitting, waiting for Gwen to come back. "I suppose one day we'll get somewhere..."

"Hmm," Morgana said absently. A nagging question then bubbled up from in her, "I know this isn't the best time to ask but..."

"Yes?"

"I was wondering whether, if you don't mind, we could continue our..." she paused and lowered her voice lest Arthur and Gwen might overhear, "...lessons."

Merlin smiled, "Sure if you want."

Morgana couldn't help beaming at his agreement. "Good, I've been working on the apple and pear 'trick'."

"Got any better?"

"Yes," she nodded, "and confusing Gwen at the same time with it. It's a good job I like apples."

Merlin tilted his head at her enthusiasm. He didn't know why but her excitement over the simple spells made him feel happy. It reminded him of how pleased he had been when he succeeded in his first transformation spell, although it was considerably harder to turn inanimate stone into a living animal.

At that moment felt the warm, slightly painful, feeling in his chest again. That was the signal that told him to stop smiling, look away and pull himself together. He felt idiotic when he got that sensation. The worst part was that it was so similar to the moment they first touched; the same mind spinning numbness that had floored them. They were used to that connection now but it was still there and it only intensified the pain in his chest. Like the kiss had done, too.

The thing that embarrassed Merlin more than anything was that he had, unwillingly, been inside her mind once or twice. He knew Morgana felt the same sensations and that it troubled her too... and that she, like him, was unwilling to admit the truth...

At that moment Merlin and Morgana came to their senses. The long pause got the better of both of them. They both chuckled nervously. Merlin decided it was time to leave.

"I should get going," Merlin said, pointing to the door behind him. "I don't want that guard catching me again..."

"No, no" Morgana agreed, sorry to see him leaving as always. "I'll see you later, won't I?"

Merlin turned and smiled in his old, traditional manner. "Of course you will; I'll be serving the drinks!"

He then left through the door, immediately cutting off the desire to stop and continue talking. The tightness in his chest was sharpening and the only way to quell it was to move as far away from Morgana as possible. It was harder than it sounded in his head. But he had to, he _had_ to!

Merlin was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he didn't even notice Arthur and Gwen squashed into the alcove near Morgana's door. He had almost forgotten they were there in the first place.

-

Gwen found the following hours walking around the castle were a nightmare. The gossip truly had spread like wildfire. It might have been even worse had Merlin not given her a heads up. Otherwise she would have walked around clueless, going mad wondering why she was being shunned and looked down on.

Nonetheless she still felt the bubbling feeling of paranoia. The only one in the castle who didn't seem to know now was the king, who had shut himself off for the morning. The moment he emerged from his hibernation he would know immediately.

Gwen wondered exactly what everyone was saying about her and Arthur. He had warned her that a majority of what the nobility said about anything would be exaggerated. That told her to expect the worst.

Both servants and courtiers were talking about it, and both men and women although it was evidently the noblewomen who look the most interest in her.

The servants just looked at her; some smiled, some laughed and some greeted her as usual. It surprised her that hardly any of them were being cruel to her face. If they had it might have prepared her for facing the nobility.

As the morning came to a close Gwen decided to go down to the kitchen and face her fellow servants. She hoped she might win some favour with them if they truly were all laughing at her behind her back.

However in order to get to the kitchens she had to walk through the halls of residence within the castle. Gwen took a deep breath before she began to make her way there, knowing she would meet some of the nobility.

As she wandered down the corridor she passed the freshly painted sneering faces of the noblewomen they touched their cheeks as if to assure themselves that they were _much_ prettier than her. Some of them probably were, although it was unfair to judge the modest maid servant against the pampered ladies.

The young and unmarried ladies of the court who were the same age as Gwen made a point of whispering insults about her just loud enough for her to hear as she walked passed. They were all the insults and jealous slurs she had expected from them, none of them she wished to repeat again; despite having expected them they still stung.

The older noblewomen gave her dirty looks. Gwen knew what _they_ were thinking; they thought she was a tart, a common little floor scrubber. At least they only privately off loaded their thoughts to their idiotic husbands who, in turn, shook their heads at her; they believed her interest in Arthur was purely financial.

The retired knights and noblemen muttered about the fact Gwen's father had—_disgracefully_—been a traitor to the kingdom and had been killed by the guards while trying to escape 'justice.' Therefore, to them, it was obvious that she was money-seeking.

This picked at wounds still healing, and was one of the worse parts of the gossip.

Gwen walked around the outside of the castle just outside the kitchens by the training field. She tried to avoid eye-contact with the knights training there despite having caught sight of Arthur. His back was turned and she didn't want to alert herself to him; this would only make matters worse.

She saw Merlin was standing close by Arthur with Gregory but neither of them noticed her. Even from her view point she could see Gregory was sad about something and Merlin was trying to cheer him up. She wondered if she should talk to him about it; misery loved company.

It became clear to her that the exciting news hadn't quite reached all of the knights yet. It was probably Arthur's presence that slowed up the few that did know telling the others.

The knights that did know motioned those that didn't to them and, after whispering boyishly, let out a boisterous cheer of approval. Nearby Percival shook his head at them in disapproval; he almost certainly knew but he wouldn't lower himself to gossiping.

Gwen turned towards the outward stairs to the kitchen when she ran straight into Lamorak. He was the sort of knight that, when he came to have his horse's shoes done or sword sheered, Tom had warned her to stay away from him.

"Excuse me," she said politely keeping her head down.

He stood with his leg outstretched across the stairway to the kitchen as he munched on an apple. While he was stood there all Gwen could do was hope he would move.

"There's a lot of talk about you this morning," he remarked after a long silence. "I must say it came as a shock to me."

Gwen said nothing; there was nothing to say.

"If had been any other maid—and I should tell you now we've been through our fair share of them—I wouldn't have been surprised," he went on, the 'we've' no doubt referring to Arthur and himself, "But _you_?"

She still remained silent, knowing that he was trying to provoke a reaction out of her.

"I suppose _every_ woman has a price," he said, moving away from the entrance to the kitchen. As he walked passed her he stopped to run hand across her shoulder. "You're not the sort of woman that puts out for charity like the others do," he added, patting carefully, "I understand that."

Lamorak swiftly strode away back to the training field leaving Gwen feeling humiliated. Up until then she thought the sneers about her father were the worst but to be treated like that by one of Arthur's 'friends' was the cherry to top an awful morning.

It had started out so good too.

Gwen recovered herself before she dared venture down into kitchens. She didn't know what she would greet there; more insults? Eventually she gritted her teeth and went down the stairs to face her peers.

The hustle and bustle around her grinded to a halt the moment she walked through the door. The cook looked up from her work, the kitchen servants silenced themselves and, in the middle of the room, as it was just after lunch, she saw some of more her fellow servants resting before the lunchtime rush began.

There was, among others: Sarah, Cecilia and Erec. They looked at each other before they got to the feet.

"Hi Gwen," said Sarah with a nervous smile. "Are you feeling alright?"

She decided not to like about it. "Terrible."

"I'm not surprised," the cook grumbled. The awkwardness of the servants and even the cook was enough to drive the young maid mad. Had it not been for what followed she might well had.

The cook turned to Gwen: "I made your lady's lunch today since I figured you'd have a lot on your mind."

This one gesture of kindness nearly reduced Gwen to tears; it was a small thing but it meant the world after the abuse she had just received merely by walking through the castle.

"Thank you," she croaked. "I'll make it up to you..."

"Don't be silly!" the cook said, pointing to the table. "Sit down, it'll be ready soon."

Gwen stood gingerly for a moment at the other servants remained standing. Cecilia then pulled out a chair for her; her face was filled with guilt. "I really very sorry Gwen," her voice sounded as if someone had died. "I didn't think I just... saw it and told Maud without thinking..."

"It's alright," Gwen said quickly. "There's no point crying about it... not that you're crying, of course, I mean... there's no point crying over spilt milk."

"It's a bit more than spilt milk," Erec muttered.

Gwen sighed and sat down in the chair Cecilia had offered. "But there's still no use crying about it," Gwen told them. "Everyone knows now; if it would have all come out soon anyway..."

That was true; if Arthur was going to reject Elaine there was little chance they could have kept the lid on it after that.

"So it really is true?" said Sarah. "You weren't just snogging him? It wasn't just a one, or rather two time thing... he is your lover?"

Gwen sat with her arms folded on the table. She looked up and nodded, "It is true."

"Bloody hell," Erec remarked.

"Language!" the cook snapped and the other servants including Gwen laughed quietly.

"But," Sarah said in admiration, "the thing I still find amazing is that it is you. I always thought you disliked Arthur."

Gwen kept her smile, "That's _exactly_ what he said. I didn't dislike him I just didn't like the way he treated some people, like Gregory. Once I spent more time with him..."

Cecilia sighed romantically, "My favourite kind."

"Oh God," Erec laughed, "Cecilia's getting all starry eyed again!"

"Leave her alone or I'll break your other arm," Sarah joked. She turned back to Gwen, "Seriously the other servants are really interested with this news."

"Interested," Gwen repeated. "I don't like the sound of that."

"No, in a good way," Sarah added quickly. "I mean some of them are jealous that it's you and not them, particularly the ones of, well, 'ill repute'... but most of us _like_ it. You're like an inspiration. This is the stuff that legends are made of really."

Gwen shifted nervously, "My life at the moment isn't exactly a poem written by a bard."

"Our point is," Erec said, "we're on your side."

"_Definitely_," Cecilia said firmly.

There was a murmur of approval from Sarah, the cook and the other kitchen workers who had been listening in. This tugged at Gwen's heart in a way that mattered to her. She smiled in gratitude, "Thank you."

"And if you want," Sarah added, "we can fill you in on what the noble cows say."

Gwen shook her head; "There are some things it's best for a person not to know."

-

"I see" Uther said looking over the latest army numbers reported from Lot and Urien from Rheged. "If these numbers are accurate this means that Claudius's following has already grown to the point where he could take Elmet."

"Indeed," Áedh said grimly. "Thankfully my own king's kingdoms are secure. Moreover, while he could _take_ Elmet the army is still too small to _hold_ it... but if he does take Elmet he may well try to make an alliance with the Saxons and push down southward."

Uther put the paper down, "That means Mercia and Lindsey may both aid him against our cause."

The ambassador nodded, "These Saxon types can't be trusted, though. There is a chance they will only use Claudius to achieve their ends here in the south."

"That is undoubtedly true," Uther agreed, "but it does not really aid us currently. Is there any known plan to invade Elmet?"

"None from Prince Claudius, no" Áedh said. "The boy is far too foolish to have a plan and not boast about it weeks before it is carried out. It's all a case of how long it takes his barons to suggest it to him."

Uther shook his head. He would have to call a meeting of the head of the army, the knights and the lords to discuss a plan action. If the war did spread to the south of Albion and the Saxons were mobilised again it would not only be a case sending armies to fight with Lot. They would have to find men to fight in the south and protect not only Camelot but the _whole of Dumnonia_.

That was the problem, and Áedh knew it. "How about the other south kingdoms?" he inquired, knowing the answer already. "If they allied against Claudius then Mercia would be unlikely to mobilise its army."

"Apart from Dumnonia there are only minor kingdoms but it is possible," Uther agreed, considering how such an alliance could be formed as the minor kingdoms were famed for their 'sitting duck' foreign policy. "I shall have to discuss this with the Privy Council."

Áedh nodded, "Very good, sire."

They changed their papers ready to discuss the issue of the upcoming marriage. It amazed Áedh that in the midst of the greatest national crisis for Albion since the Saxons arrived, Uther still found time to organise a marriage.

Áedh decided to raise one last issue, one that Anna had specifically requested he raise while Uther was away from the Privy Council. "I was wondering," he began confidently, "is there any chance that the Duke of Cornwall might aid the cause?"

Uther twitched slightly, an effect the mention of Cador frequently had. "I wouldn't know, we rarely speak these days. Why do you ask?"

"My queen understands that he has a large army," Áedh stated.

"I understand that Anna—I mean your queen—thinks it would be best if she came to Camelot to help negotiate an alliance," Uther said to Áedh, changing the subject.

Áedh looked up and smiled, "Where did you hear that if you don't mind my asking, sire?"

"It's just something I heard on the grapevine," Uther replied with a smile.

"You are well informed, sire."

Uther nodded. He knew there was no point trying to be one step ahead of Anna but he always tried to be one step behind her so he could try and work out where she was going.

"I think it is a brilliant idea," Uther remarked suddenly. "It seems ridiculous that we constantly exchange letters on the subject. It would be best if it could all be arranged here or in Eidin."

That was a lie. Uther would have preferred a marriage by proxy, in Eidin, and then Elaine could have been 'shipped' down to Camelot. That way the marriage was out of the way before the war broke out and before Arthur had time to plan an escape. He dreaded the thought of facing Anna in reality because of her ability to play the game of politics; it was a game Uther rarely won against her.

Áedh smiled, "The queen believes it would be better if the meeting takes place here in the south due to the up rest in the north."

"It would also give me a chance to draw up the military plans," Uther agreed. "Then Anna could pass them along to Lot."

There was a knock at the door and George stepped in. "Forgive me for interrupting, sire, but the court genealogist wishes to see you in regards to tonight's ceremony."

"Ah!" Uther said swiftly to Áedh, deciding to finish up the meeting. "The banquet tonight to celebrate one of the younger knights taking the oath of chivalry."

"Indeed," Áedh said gathering up his papers. "I shall leave you to your business, sire."

"Thank you, Áedh" Uther replied and watched as the ambassador left through the side door. Once he was gone Uther nodded to George, "Send him in."

"Yes, sire"

George opened the door wider and Geoffrey of Monmouth walked into the council room. The old man bowed his head as the servant left. The king got to his feet, "Geoffrey."

"Sire," Geoffrey began. "I have brought the list of knights who have undertaken the oath of chivalry in the past as requested, sire."

"Excellent," Uther remarked, taking the list. "There are quite a collection of names on this list."

"Yes," the old man replied. "I took the liberty of... removing the names of knights who broke their vows or... your majesty might wish to remain unmentioned."

Uther knew he was talking about two people in particular; one was Tristan and the other was Cador. While even he would admit, to him, Cador was considerably nobler than Tristan they had both undertaken the vow for one reason: the women they had loved refused them.

"Thank you," the king said finally. "Is there anything else?"

Geoffrey stood, dreading the next part of his reason for seeing the king. "Yes, there is one other thing, sire."

The king waited, "Yes?"

The old man cleared his throat and finally came out with it, "It is in regards to Prince Arthur."

-

As the afternoon wore lazily on Gwen decided to take Fach for a walk around the castle to stretch her legs. It was around the time many of the castle dogs were walked so one more would go unnoticed. There was also a chance that she would run into Merlin, who might also be on dog-walking duty, meaning there was a chance of Fach playing with Howell and the other dogs.

The servants of the castle all seemed less daunting after lunchtime with Sarah and the others. As the lunchtime rush hit many servants, including Merlin, went to the kitchen to offer their support. Many of them wanted to know more information. Gwen refused to tell them but it was comforting to know she had some allies.

There were very few nobles around as many of them were resting, like Morgana, or already getting ready for tonight's banquet. It gave Gwen time to focus herself, practise her composure and think about the ceremony that night. She would be there with the other servants serving drinks and facing the entire court of Camelot including the king.

The only comfort she had would be the other servants, Merlin, Morgana and, of course, Arthur would all be in the same room. Gwen felt that if she could get through tonight she could get through anything.

As Gwen and Fach neared the door to the castle grounds the little dog rushed ahead at the sound of other dogs outside. Gwen smiled and rushed to catch up. Around the corner, just as he had been by the kitchen that morning, Lamorak was standing there.

It was as if he had been waiting for her although it was unlikely; how could he know she was going to take her dog for a walk?

Gwen nodded politely. "Good afternoon, Sir Lamorak."

"Good afternoon," he said pleasantly. "Nice little companion you have there."

"Yes, I should be catching up to her," Gwen said trying to walk past him.

Lamorak stepped in front of her, blocking her way. "I imagine it must be quite tiring with all this gossip floating around."

Gwen tried to get past again, "Sir, if you would—"

He blocked her again, "In some ways I have to admire you..."

"Please, sir, I must catch up to my dog—"

"It can wait!" he said authoritatively.

Gwen stopped, realising that she was going nowhere. She felt the same sickly feeling had had that morning when she was confronted with him, the way he had mocked her while chewing on that apple and callously throwing it to one side as he felt. Lamorak was a good looking man but he couldn't have made himself uglier in that moment if he had tried.

She maintained her composure and smiled, "Was there something that you wanted, sir?"

Lamorak snorted with laughter at her attempt to remain civil; he knew deep down she wished she could just thump him. That didn't bother him at all.

"I was just curious to know," he finally said, "what it took for a prudish little maid like you to fall off your high horse and climb onto a royal one."

Gwen's eyes widened. It was hard not to as there were so many spins one could put on that statement. She began to falter and fell into her old habit of backtracking and stumbling. "I... don't know what you mean by that," she mumbled out. "I should probably..."

She tried to walk past again but he took hold of her by the forehand. It felt as if he had scolded her. "I imagine it must have taken a lot of time to wear you down," he remarked.

Gwen had had enough and she tried to yank her arm free, "Let me go!"

Her bid for freedom was unsuccessful and she ended up being pushed backwards against the wall. She knew he was trying to wind her up and frighten her, and it was working. Unable to do anything else she glared up at him.

Lamorak laughed, "Did you put on this performance for Arthur too, or am I just lucky?"

At that moment Merlin and Gregory walked along but went unnoticed by either Lamorak or Gwen. It didn't take long for them to work out what was going on. Merlin was just about to confront Lamorak when suddenly, out of nowhere, Gregory squawked: "_Leave her alone_!"

It had been such an unpleasant sound that Lamorak turned rather unshaken to look at the two menservants watching him. He was surprised to see it was Gregory that had sounded at him. Merlin shared his surprise as did, it seemed, Gregory who stood there with fists shaking with anger and a faltering face trying to stay strong as well as control anger.

Lamorak snorted; "Or what?"

"Just," Gregory strained out, "_Leave her alone_!"

Lamorak realised his painful grasp on Gwen's forearm and advanced upon the two servants. Merlin was better at hiding his exposure than Gregory who looked like he was about to explode.

The knight found Gregory's state amusing and gave him a mocking look: "Alright," he said sarcastically. "I've let her go, but now what? See, you insulted me."

"You better leave now," Merlin said firmly.

"Why, what are you going to do?" Lamorak asked.

"Leave it, Merlin" Gwen said from her newfound safe distance.

"I could tell you," Merlin replied, only half hearing Gwen's request. "But it would be a waste of breath."

Lamorak stared at him with an unsettling smile. "You should keep your mouth shut, Merlin. Sometimes you seem to forget that you're just a servant," he glanced over his shoulder at Gwen who just looked at him. Of the three faces watching him hers was unreadable. "And you're not the only one around here…"

"Then leave us alone!" Gregory barked.

Lamorak rolled his eyes and addressed Merlin. "Call your mutt off, he's starting to irritate me."

"Then stop taunting him," Merlin told him, feeling his blood starting to boil.

Lamorak ignored Merlin's look of contempt. He looked at each one of them in turn from Merlin to Gregory to Gwen. "I have no intention of listening to the likes of you; a lackey, a lapdog and a whore."

Merlin reached the end of his tether. Before any of them knew what was happening he took a swing at Lamorak and, unlike previous attempts with Arthur, he managed to land the hit causing the knight to stumble backwards.

Gwen gasped, "Merlin!"

Lamorak wiped blood from his face. He was stunned by the hard and unexpected attack from the young manservant, but also glad as he now had an excuse launch his own attack. Everyone knew Lamorak had a vile temper, his poor young manservant Erec was proof of it, and they knew he could do terrible damage when it was unleashed.

He tried to hit Merlin back but Merlin's swift moving eyes avoided the attack. However Lamorak used his other hand to grab hold of the servant's neck and pressure him against the wall making it painful and difficult for him to breathe.

Another hand had seized Lamorak's wrist. Merlin opened his eyes; it was Arthur.

"Let him go, Lamorak," he said calmly. "We all feel like killing Merlin at one time or another, but tragically it's just his way. Let him go."

Lamorak obeyed. Merlin slumped to the ground and groaned as he rubbed his neck. Gwen rushed over and knelt beside him while Gregory continued to stare at Lamorak with a look of unsuited fury.

Arthur glanced down at Merlin; despite the fact he frequently abused Merlin during sword practise he found attempted strangulation too much.

Lamorak grunted a little at Arthur's strong grasp on his wrist. "I was merely putting him back in his place."

Arthur tightened the grip, "If you were floored by Merlin's girly punch..."

"Hey," Merlin said quickly. "I hit him didn't I?"

"...then there is something seriously wrong."

He let Lamorak go. The knight held his wrist, trying to remain dignified. As she watched the scene Gwen wondered if Lamorak still felt he had been justified in nearly choking Merlin.

Merlin looked at Gwen, "That's what I get for defending your honour."

Arthur glanced down at them, realising immediately what this whole affair had been about. He almost felt like throwing Lamorak through the wall at that moment. Arthur knew what he was like; he had once considered him a friend, he may have even been a little like him once, but now things were different.

He turned back to Lamorak, "Get on your way."

Lamorak stalled for a moment running his dark eyes between the faces of Merlin, Gwen and Gregory before he made off. Just as he turned to leave Arthur grabbed him by the forearm, just as Lamorak had done with Gwen, only the grasp was even tighter.

"One more thing," he told his peer. "Leave Guinevere alone in future; if I catch you bothered her again Erec won't be the only one with a broken arm, understand?"

"Yes," Lamorak grunted from the pain of the gasp.

Arthur released him from the grasp. "You can pass that along to the other knights as well."

Lamorak paused for a moment before he stalked off in the opposite direction. The moment he left there was a large, euphoric sigh from Merlin, Gwen and Gregory who finally swallowed his rage and breathed in relief.

Arthur looked back to Merlin, still slumped on the floor. "Are you alright?"

He nodded, "Fine."

Gwen helped Merlin back on his feet; once he was standing again he seemed back to normal, chipper and cheerful. Merlin was used to much worse. After being thrown against walls, zapped by powerful magic and even being momentarily killed twice, being chocked by some spoilt noble was nothing.

"Did he hurt you?" Arthur asked Gwen.

She rubbed her forearm but smiled and shook her head. "It's nothing really... he was taught his lesson."

"After harassing you and throttling Merlin he's lucky I didn't break his arm," Arthur said, pleased that he had managed to keep control of his temper. It still bubbled underneath, though. "If he ever does bother you again I swear I'll carry out that promise."

He then turned to Merlin.

"Thank you for stepping in the way you did," he said as he managed to smile. "And... good job on landing that punch; you're getting better."

Merlin tilted his head, "Is that a compliment?"

"Don't push it," Arthur warned.

Merlin stepped back and nodded. "Thanks, but I can't take all the credit, there was Gregory too; completely stood his ground."

Gregory, who had been standing there in silence, was overcome with a red blush as the prince turned to him. Prior to the arrival Merlin Gregory had been the target of Arthur's taunts and insults. It was a whole new experience for the prince to actually seem impressed with him.

"I would never have believed it," Arthur remarked.

Gregory nodded shyly, "I was just doing my bit, sire."

He glanced up to see Gwen smiling gratefully at him. His blush deepened and he immediately plotted his escape. He hated the idea of Gwen seeming him so awkward or the prince seeing him become awkward because of her. It would be like a nightmare realised.

"I should be going," he announced.

As they watched Gregory leave Merlin thought of something and leant over to whisper in Gwen's ear.

"Give him a kiss," he whispered.

She looked up at him in surprise. "What?"

"Just to say thank you," he told her. "All it needs to be is a quick peck on the cheek."

"I'll embarrass him."

"You won't I promise," Merlin assured her with a smile. "Believe me, he'll appreciate it."

Gwen did not give it a second thought. "Gregory!"

He turned and she rushed up to him. He stared at her blankly as she cupped his face and smiled before placing a quick and chaste kiss on his cheek. One blink and you would have missed it.

He looked at her in shock as she pulled away and said: "Thank you."

Then she turned walked away. Behind her Gregory touched the place where her lips had kissed his cheek and dreamily walked off in the opposite direction.

She exchanged her smile with both Arthur and Merlin before she walked passed them, beckoning them to follow. "I need to find Fach," her voice called as she strode out into the garden.

Arthur turned to Merlin. "What was _that_ about?"

"Gregory has a crush on Gwen," Merlin said simply. "And she was just thanking him."

Arthur stared blankly at Merlin for a moment. Instead of the anger he felt about Lamorak's behaviour he just laughed. He certainly didn't feel jealous, or at least not enough to stop him laughing.

"Poor old Greg," he chuckled. "I suppose it wouldn't be fair to threaten _him_ to stay away from her, would it?"

"Not when he's finally grown his backbone," Merlin joked as they followed after Gwen. "You'll set him back if you confront him with it."

-

Gaius turned up at Uther's chambers just as Geoffrey was leaving.

"Geoffrey," Gaius greeted his old friend. "Is the king there? He wished me to stop by this afternoon."

"Yes," the librarian replied, pointing behind him. "He's just in there if you wish to see him."

Gaius smiled, "Thank you."

He walked past Geoffrey to go in when his friend stopped him again. "I don't suppose you've heard the rumours going around?" he asked.

Gaius remembered that morning Merlin had said something about gossip or rumours, "Which ones are they? I have been in my chambers all day today."

"Regarding the prince and that handmaiden," Geoffrey replied. "You know, Thomas's daughter."

Suddenly he realised just why Merlin was in such an eager rush to find Gwen and the others to tell them about this rumour. Gaius nodded, "I do know of it, yes."

"I told the king as I wasn't sure whether he knew," Geoffrey explained, folding his arms. "He seemed rather surprised to find out about the gossip, but then again I was too, after all it is young Gwen we're talking about..."

Gaius folded his own arms; once Geoffrey started talking there was no stopping him.

"I must say it did come as a surprise," he went on, "not least because I have frequently seen them together over the last few months. I remember thinking then it was odd, the way they were behaving."

"Yes"

"It was only a week or so ago that I saw them both in the library," he continued. "The thing that puzzled me was why. Unfortunately I had to deliver some papers to Sir Ector so I was unable to..."

He then stopped as a thought crossed his mind. Gaius bit his lips and nodded his head, knowing what Geoffrey was thinking. All of a sudden his friend had an urge to go back to the library and make sure was in order at the back of the library where no one, not even he, ever went.

"I think I should be getting back now," the old man said eagerly.

Gaius patted him on the back and smiled, "I'll see you later."

Gaius knocked before entering. Inside he found the king sitting in his chair with a goblet of wine in his hands, brooding.

He closed the door. "Sire, I apologise for not coming sooner I had a lot of work to get through."

"That's fine, Gaius."

"Was there anything you needed, sire?" he asked. "Are you unwell?"

Uther put the goblet down, "I have been finding it difficult to sleep recently. I feel restless all the time. I was wondering if you could prescribe something."

Gaius nodded, "Of course, sire."

"There's something else," the king went on. Gaius expected that he would straight away mention the rumour Geoffrey had just mentioned, but to his surprise this wasn't the case. "You were right about Anna; she wishes to come to Camelot to discuss the alliance between our kingdoms."

"I thought as much," Gaius said.

"Áedh confirmed it at our meeting," Uther said. "I told him I approved of the idea."

"Even though you don't"

Uther covered his mouth thoughtfully. "I can hardly refuse her when she's offering to come here. It makes me wonder what on earth she's planning to do."

"You think she has a plan?"

"This is Anna we're talking about, Gaius!" Uther replied, unable to hide a nervous laugh. "She's the sort of woman who follows you down a narrow ally way and comes out first."

Gaius smiled, "She was always hard to second guess."

"You _can't_ second guess her," Uther corrected him. "Just when I think I have her figured out... I don't."

"It's just as well she is on your side," Gaius agreed. "I would hate to have her as an enemy."

"Yes, I suppose you're right," Uther laughed again. He looked up at his old ally, "I suppose you've heard that Arthur's relationship with that maid servant is now public knowledge."

Gaius said nothing but his face indicated that he had.

Uther nodded, "I knew it would only be a matter of time, that's why I have already been in contact with Anna about the subject."

Gaius's eyes widened. "Forgive me, sire, but is it really that important that Anna should involve herself."

"She has been surprisingly sympathetic so far," Uther said carefully. "It made me suspicious at first but I assume she wishes to avoid her daughter being embarrassed."

"I suppose, sire."

Gaius was not convinced. He thought Uther was right when he said Anna probably had a plan. The problem was that he couldn't figure out for the life of him what she was doing, if she was doing anything.

"Never mind that for now," Uther said, standing up. "Anna said she would help me deal with the situation and that's the end of it. Thank you for coming to see me, Gaius. I think both of us should prepare for the ceremony tonight."

"Yes, sire" Gaius said, bowing his head politely. "I will prepare a remedy to aid your sleep for you night."

"Thank you," the king said, turning to leave via the back door. Before he exited through it he stood with his hand resting on the door handle. "I don't see why I need to worry in any case; when that girl faces the court tonight the pressure will doubtless become too much. I have never met a servant yet who could stand the public life their masters endure."

"I suppose," Gaius said, again unconvinced. He knew that Gwen was made of harder stuff.

-

The ceremony for Sir Bors's to take the oath of chivalry went swimmingly despite being overshadowed by court gossip. The oath itself was comical to many knights anyway. Every knight was expected to be chivalrous but to take the oath meant to dedicate your entire life to soldiering, vowing to remain unmarried and childless—hence the term among the knights 'the vow of purity.'

As Arthur had predicted the nobility likened the purity of Sir Bors to the exploits of their prince, and just as Uther had feared many of them joked that Arthur's behaviour would almost certainly put a down Princess Elaine, a girl known to be lively but utterly virtuous.

The moment Gwen walked into the room all eyes turned on her including the king's. Uther was curious to see whether she would crack, hold her head high or act callously.

Before they had gone in Merlin had quickly grasped her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Good luck," he had whispered, "and remember, don't listen to what they have to say."

She smiled uncertainly, "I'm not frightened of that lot."

Gwen carried out duties like nothing was different. She refused to let her personal life interrupt her work. She was a servant and would not behave as anything else unless told otherwise. She knew the nobility wanted her to crack; to cry, scream or behave like the uppity servant they all expected her to be.

She forced a smile and carried on with dignity; this annoyed the nobility even more and worsened the insults. After circulating the room more than once Gwen realised terms like 'a common little floor scrubber' had caught on, as had punning the word 'handmaiden.'

Morgana had promised Gwen that she wouldn't lose it at the younger noblewomen who made petty remarks about her. It was easier said than done; when Lady Blanchefleur, a young woman rumoured to be engaged to Percival, said something especially derogatory about Gwen Morgana couldn't stop her mouth.

"_Very_ original," she said sarcastically. "If you're going to stab someone in the back the least you can do say something new."

"I don't see why you are defending her," Lady Blanchefleur laughed. "I'd be furious if I found out _my_ maid had behaved like _that_, especially if she'd had an affair with someone who had rejected me years ago."

Morgana's face twitched with underlying anger but she pushed it back and instead made a mocking smile. "I know how much you hate to be over shone by anyone, Blanche."

"At least I've never been over shone by women less deserving than myself," retorted Lady Blanchefleur.

Percival rolled his eyes and snapped at Blanchefleur: "For God's sake—you're making a _fool_ of yourself!"

There was a small crowd of people who did not the attack on 'that handmaiden.' Gaius avoided the gossip by keeping Geoffrey off the subject of libraries; apparently the back of the library had been misused.

After Blanchefleur's behaviour Percival kept well out of gossip's way and instead stood beside his brother Lamorak who remained quiet all night.

Arthur was assured to see Kay avoiding his parents, who spent the night shaking their heads in Gwen's direction. Instead he spent the evening with Lady Bedivere.

At the sight of Kay and Lady Bedivere together Morgana had whispered to Merlin: "The focus is off him now, you see, so he can do whatever he wants."

Merlin suspected that Kay had some loyalty to Arthur, nonetheless. Lady Bedivere herself, a romantic at heart, also tried to stay away from her gossiping peers. Despite the rumours about her and Sir Kay she was still mourning over the death of her husband.

Morgana decided to stay well away from her own kind and stood with Merlin. She pretended to be making small talk with him, every now and then switching her wine goblet without drinking a drop. It was a welcome sight for Merlin.

"Tough crowd tonight," Merlin said.

"You ought to hear what my 'friends' are saying," she said bluntly. Morgana spotted Gwen wandering alone on the other side of the room. "Stay close to Gwen, won't you? Arthur daren't in case he shows her up even more."

Merlin nodded and made his way over to the other side of the room while Morgana sat down at the table close to Uther.

When Lady Maeve and Lady Celia took two drinks from the tray Gwen was holding they stopped to whisper a few snappy comments loud enough for Gwen to hear.

"I suppose I can see something in her," said Lady Celia.

"She has a wonderful look of the street about her," agreed Lady Maeve.

"Pretty in a common way," added Lady Celia, before she looked over to Lady Bedivere who was minding her own business. "Don't you think she's pretty, my dear? She has none of those hideous scars that you sometimes see in commoners."

"I believe you are trying to make her feel awkward," replied Lady Bedivere, unimpressed. "Forgive me if I choose not to participate."

As the two ladies were left feeling awkward Gwen found it hard not to laugh at their faces, especially when Merlin said "Ouch!" just loud enough for them to hear.

After they had skulked away Merlin handed Gwen a small cup of ale and took one himself.

"I don't really drink ale," she said with a smile.

"There's no better way to get drunk," Merlin joked.

Gwen nodded and took a sip; it warmed the inside of her nose. "You don't have to stand with me."

"Morgana didn't want you left alone," Merlin said firmly. "I don't either."

Gwen shook her head, "Are you my watchdog, suddenly? This will be the second time you've."

Morgana sat pretending to mind her own business as Uther spoke with Áedh. She saw Ector sneak up to Uther and whisper in his ear. Morgana heard Lamorak's name mentioned before Uther nodded and Ector loyally retreated back to his gossipy wife.

Her eyes then scanned the room and she noticed Arthur stood in a corner, apparently brooding.

Arthur found it hard not to look at Gwen throughout the night. It wasn't just tonight; it was an old habit of his. They had frequently made eyes at each other, closely guarding their smiles as they snuck off for a secret tryst and then returned without anyone noticing.

Now everyone was commenting on their arrogance of 'not even attempting to conceal' their relationship. 'Even now he doesn't conceal his passion' he heard someone whisper about him. Arthur found that annoying; he'd have grabbed Gwen and kissed her the moment she walked into the hall if that were true.

"You should stand up and say something," Morgana suddenly said.

Arthur nearly leapt out of his skin having not noticed her emerge beside him. He rolled his eyes, "If you're going to give me some of your 'winning' advice, don't bother. I'm really not in the mood."

"Charming," Morgana remarked.

He sighed, "What do you want then?"

"I don't want anything," Morgana said. She looked in the direction Gwen was standing with Merlin. It made her happy to see Gwen smiling. "She's handling all of this very well considering what people are saying about her."

"I know."

"I'd have probably gone to pieces by now," she added. Arthur made an incoherent mumble with his eyes still fixed on Gwen. Morgana glanced up at him, "You're suppose to say 'no you wouldn't!'"

Arthur looked at her, "Sorry?"

"Forget it, it doesn't matter" Morgana said. She rolled her eyes, realising her wasn't really listening. There was a moment's pause before she spoke again, "Gwen said you are going to see Uther tonight."

Arthur rubbed his eyes, "Yes."

"And you're going to refuse Elaine?"

He looked at her, "Are you going to tell me I'm foolish?"

"No, I mean what's the point?" she said. "You're so pig-ignorant you wouldn't listen to me even if did say it."

"True," Arthur said. She rolled her eyes again and he said, "Don't take it personally; I don't listen to anyone."

Morgana sighed and decided to leave it at that. Before she left she gave him the advice she had gone to give anyway, "Try not to antagonise your father too much; you know what he does to people who rile him."

"I don't care what he does to me," he said, thinking that his rejection of Elaine might well win him a night in the dungeons.

"It's not _you_ I'm worried about."

As the evening came to a close the nobility began to bid each other good night. The king had withdrawn early, exchanging a look with his son before leaving that told him they needed to talk. Arthur had stayed a while longer and listened to the nobility's quibbles about Guinevere still going on at this late stage. Many of them even looked at him and then mentioned Elaine's name.

It was at that point Arthur had decided he'd had enough.

Without a care in the world he strode across the room towards Gwen before a reduced but gawping group of courtiers. Gwen watched as he walked towards her and stopped in front of her.

"I've had enough of this," he declared to her. "Let's leave."

"What do you mean 'let's'?" she said staring dazedly up at him. "You mean, leave together?"

Arthur glanced over to Merlin who was, sensing the tone, already shifting away from them.

"Yes," he said plainly.

Gwen looked around them; the judging faces were still watching them. After an entire day of the cold shoulder it didn't trouble her at all. She looked up at Arthur again and smiled, "Alright."

Then under the eye of the disapproving and jealous nobility they linked arms and strode out of the hall.

As they walked along the entire room seemed to fall silent as the courtiers watched in shock. Arthur and Gwen knew that the moment they were gone the entire room would burst into an uproar. To the elite this was the same equivalent as a public acknowledgement.

The dumbfounded guards opened the large doors it in amazement as the pair walked out. The moment the door closed behind them they heard the uproar in the hall over what had just happened.

Arthur and Gwen kept walking in silence until they reached his chambers. Once they were inside they both unleashed a loud sigh. The sound of their entry alerted little Fach, who had been left waiting there at the beginning of the night, to their presence. Instead of rushing towards them as she usually did she lay her head down again to sleep.

"I thought tonight would never end," Gwen said collapsing against the table. "My ears were scolding all night."

"I've never heard so many people talking about me all at once," Arthur agreed, leaning against the door. He looked over at her guiltily, "I hate seeing you put through all of this."

Gwen stood up straight again and smiled, "I'm fine."

"I love how you always try to save face," Arthur remarked. He had watched all night how she managed to maintain her composure. "The way you conducted yourself tonight was remarkable, worthy of a queen."

Gwen's smile widened. "I don't know about that but thank you nonetheless."

Arthur moved towards her when there was a knock at the door. He turned to open it and Percival was standing there. He glanced over the prince's shoulder to see Gwen standing in the background and offered her a smile before he turned back to Arthur.

"The king says he will see you now," he explained.

"Thank you," Arthur replied, but he saw that Percival clearly had more to say. "Is there something else?"

Percival nodded, "Gregory told me what happened earlier. I thought I should let you know that I convinced Lamorak to tell the king the truth."

Arthur nodded, "Thank you."

"I also want to apologise for Lamorak's behaviour," Percival added.

"You don't need to," Gwen spoke up, smiling.

"She's right," Arthur agreed. "You're not your brother's keeper."

"No," Percival agreed, "but I still felt the need to say it. There is no excuse for his behaviour but he is my younger brother. I am, more or less, responsible for my family members."

Gwen walked to the door and stood beside Arthur to address Percival. "If that is what you think then you are forgiven," she said, smiling. "We all have relatives that embarrass us, don't we?"

"Indeed we do," Percival agreed. There was a moment silence. "I'll bid you both good night, then."

There were 'good nights' muttered between the three before Arthur closed the door again.

"You wouldn't think he was Lamorak's brother," Gwen said.

"I have never understood Percival," Arthur agreed. "Lamorak is so easy to read but Percival... I don't know." He sighed turned to face her, resting his hands on her waist. "I have to speak to my father."

Gwen nodded, "I know."

She knew that she should try to stop him, but she didn't want to. She could take all the insults in the world as long as he was hers and she was his and neither of them had to share them with anyone else.

"It's funny," he remarked with a nervous smile. "I've been thinking all day of what I would say and how I would say it... but now I can't remember what I was thinking about."

"Everyone's like that."

Arthur nodded uncertainly. He stood in silence and pondered over his thoughts. He kept imagining how his father was going to react to his rejection of Elaine. Then he remembered how little her cared. It was like madness; all he could think about was Guinevere.

He moved his hands from her waist to take her hands, and spoke with an uncertainty. "Will you wait here for me?"

There was another thud in Gwen's chest. It was an invitation the stay there with him, tonight. It was a risky and blatant thing to do with the entire court and the king watching them. But that didn't matter anymore. Gwen wanted to stay and was going to say; she didn't know whether or not it would be her last chance.

She squeezed his hands affectionately and smiled. "I intended to."

-

Merlin walked Morgana back to her chambers.

They exchanged a look and a nervous smile. Neither of them could ignore the dull pain in their chests. As they looked away from each other they both wondered if they should say something or whether they other would say something. It wasn't just that the subjects they usually spoke of could land them tied to a stake but they couldn't think of what to say.

It was hard being the only two magical humans in the castle.

When they finally reached the door to the chambers Merlin, as usual, broke the silence. "I'm sorry if I seem a bit off," he said quickly. "I guess I'm just tired."

"That's fine," Morgana nodded. There was a moment's pause. "I think Gwen was amazing tonight," she added.

Merlin smiled, "She was."

"I don't think I'd have managed the way she did," Morgana said thoughtfully. "I'd have either gone to pieces or started an argument."

"You wouldn't have gone to pieces," Merlin assured her.

She tilted her head, "But I would have started an argument?"

Merlin blushed: "No, sorry, I didn't mean—well, you know—I meant that you would probably stand up for yourself because you're a lady and you can. Gwen can't do that."

"Merlin," she said softly, "I was just teasing."

"Ah!" he said, embarrassed.

There was another moment of silence.

"It's a testament to how much she loves him," Morgana said. "There aren't many women who would take what she did tonight even for the man she loved."

Merlin nodded. "Before all this with Arthur and Gwen started I never realised just how hard it was for a prince to find someone who truly loves him."

"Love is automatic from people who admire you when you're that important."

"It's certainly made me realise just how lucky I am," he added. Merlin felt his ears burn and his cheeks flush again. He looked down and mumbled awkwardly, "If I get married it'll probably be to someone I love and not someone my parents want me to marry. I'm just a servant, after all."

Morgana was stung by those words. It was as if Merlin was reminding both of them that despite the dull pain in their chests, it was impossible.

She quivered a sigh. "You'll never just be a servant, Merlin."

He swallowed, "Thank you."

But he was still a servant. The feelings they had were _impossible_. Arthur and Gwen's love was 'unlikely' but not impossible. There was a chance for them, a dim and hopeful chance. There was no hope for them.

That's what they kept telling themselves.

If anything happened and they were caught or even suspected of being _too_ close, Uther would probably quietly marry her off and have Merlin killed. That wasn't counting the fact they were practising magic; they'd both die in that case. All they could do was continue to deny they felt anything at all.

Merlin forced a smile, "I'll see you tomorrow about the..."

He indicated his head to replace the words 'spell' and 'magic'. Morgana managed to smile too, "Tomorrow."

At that moment she reached out and took his hand in hers. The sensation passed between them as it always did, increasing the tightness in their chest.

Merlin didn't know whether it was the gesture of her taking his hand or the intensifying of his pain, but he chuckled nervously. "I thought I'd get used to that, but I never do."

"It gets stronger and stronger for me..." Morgana whispered.

They stood like that for another ten seconds before Merlin, thinking better of the situation, slipped his hand from her grip.

"Perhaps," he said, bravely, "we're kindred spirits."

Morgana couldn't help a brief but genuine beam. "Perhaps we are."

-

"I can't believe you would be this foolish!" Uther snapped the moment Arthur had closed the door to the empty audience room.

The king's eyes were wide and shiny, like that of a snake preparing to bite. Arthur kept a distance between his father and himself, addressing him from the other end of the room.

"I'm sorry if it has displeased you father," he said, though he didn't really care at all.

"The least you could have done is employed some tact, but no—you spend the night with her and allow yourself to be seen _by one of the servants_!" Uther barked.

Arthur folded his arms, "We were guilty of nothing immoral last night."

"You were guilty of immorality on _other_ nights," the king said, scratching the back of his neck, irritated.

Arthur had no intention of yelling and shouting. He knew he had to keep his temper. He had spent his whole life doing it when in the presence of his father. The last thing he wanted was to give his father ammunition; it could have serious consequences for him and Gwen.

"There is nothing immoral about my relationship with Guinevere," Arthur finally said, and his father immediately responded with a scoff. He paused for a moment before he went on, "Everything about it is moral. She is moral and she keeps me moral. The only thing that makes it immoral is this betrothal to Elaine."

"Yet Elaine is remains virtuous," the king remarked.

"And shall remain so as far as I'm concerned," Arthur retorted. The look in his father's eyes at that moment could have turned mortal men to stone. He had not intended to blurt it out like that but not that it was, he elaborated calmly. "I'm sorry father, but I won't marry Elaine."

Uther stared at him as if he had gone mad. "You would jeopardise everything I have worked for over the last few months, the last _twenty years_...?"

"Never at one time have you given me a valid reason for this betrothal..." Arthur interrupted.

"You would reject our own family—_your own cousin_—the alliance we have held for twenty years...!" Uther went on.

"There is a war going on!" Arthur went on. "The alliance will survive. I don't see the point of the marriage. I even wondered if you have an ulterior motive..."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Uther shouted, his frown growing and the scar on his forehead becoming that little bit deeper. "Arthur, you are saying that you would reject a princess of the blood, a benefit to Camelot... for a handmaiden."

"Not 'would'—_am_," Arthur corrected.

"What good would rejecting Elaine do?"

"What is the benefit for Camelot if I marry her?" Arthur questioned. "If I thought for one second there was a real benefit I'd do it... but I can't. As for Elaine, well, she'll be fine. I think she'll be glad."

"You haven't answered my question."

Arthur cleared his throat. "You never answered mine."

"Damn it!" Uther growled again, ignoring and silencing Arthur immediately. "That girl you're fawning over is a _handmaiden_. A serving girl! The problem is that you're not thinking with your head but _another_ part of your anatomy."

"My heart" Arthur remarked sarcastically.

Uther rolled his eyes, "For all you know this girl is using you for your wealth, your influence, your power. You can't trust someone of a lower social class to yourself..."

Arthur shook his head. "No, you're wrong."

The king sighed. "You are _blinded_ by your infatuation for this girl, blinded by desire. It's not uncommon for a young man."

"I'm not blinded by desire," Arthur protested firmly. "You don't understand. We fell for each other long before we even set eyes on each other, literally."

Uther tilted his head, wondering what his son meant by that. He said nothing, though.

"And that's why I know you're wrong," Arthur went on. "You don't know her. Guinevere isn't like that. She doesn't care about money or power and influence. Tonight she had to endure those vultures as picked at her bit by bit. I'd have ripped them apart had she not told me not to."

"It's a pity you didn't listen in regards to Lamorak," Uther interrupted. Arthur said nothing; Lamorak deserved what he got and Percival agreed with him. Uther sighed and shook his head, "But she's a handmaiden..."

"I have noticed, father."

There was a long and awkward pause as neither father nor son knew what to say next. Arthur could tell his father was horrified at the fact that he had said he wouldn't marry Elaine. It was the disobedience more than anything.

"Why do you find it so hard to believe someone might actually love me for me?" Arthur finally said.

"That's not the point!" Uther snapped.

"Yes it is," Arthur responded firmly. He looked out one of the windows briefly before he went on: "Not matter what you say I know Guinevere loves me, not for wealth and status but for me. She loves _me_, and I...I love her."

Uther scoffed again, "You don't know what love is."

"A year ago I might have agreed with you," Arthur replied with certainty. "But now I know. I didn't realise until now how..."

"What?"

Arthur hesitated; he hated talking about his feelings to anyone not least his father. "How empty I was," he finished, "in every sense of the word."

"And now you are fulfilled?" Uther said, slightly mocking.

"I can't explain it," Arthur confessed. "It's inexplicable. All I do know is that I can't live a lie."

"How romantic," Uther said, folding his arms, considering all he had heard. "If it means that much to you then you can keep her as your mistress. There's no chance of concealing it now in any case."

Arthur swallowed. "That's not the point," he went on. "We resigned ourselves to that situation ages ago. It's the principle. I still can't marry Elaine because it's dishonest."

The anger that had been bubbling up inside Uther vented itself as he slammed his hand against the table. The force of it echoed through the room and startled Arthur. He stood his ground nonetheless.

"I'd rather remain unmarried and serve the kingdom than marry Elaine and spend the rest of my life lying," Arthur said. "It's not fair to Elaine either."

Uther took a deep breath. There seemed to be no way to make Arthur see sense. He had hoped he would see reason but it seemed the little witch truly had cast a spell on his son. He grabbed a goblet of wine.

Arthur stood in silence, waiting for the next reprimand.

"I can see we are getting nowhere," the king finally said. He leant forward and, "I will give you until the end of this week to come to your senses. When you do come to your senses you will agree to the betrothal."

There was a short pause.

"And if I don't?" Arthur asked.

His tone annoyed Uther more. "Then I will have sense knocked into you."

Arthur was determined to stand his ground despite that threat. He remained silent, watching his father, trying to stare each other down. He thought of Guinevere, and that kept him from backing down.

"Good night, father," Arthur mumbled and turned to leave.

Uther bellowed after him as he left. "Your duty to your kingdom is to marry and secure the family line. Every king has to make sacrifices for the greater good, even if it means living a lie."

Arthur stopped briefly, nearly taking the bait. He nearly questioned that last statement, nearly dared to ask whether a king should run his kingdom in a thread if lies. But he thought better of it. He thought of Gwen again, and decided to let it go.

He opened the door and left.

Uther sat in contemplation. It was not as if he had expected Arthur to cave in immediately but he had thought that once he had permission to continue his relationship with the maid he might agree to marry Elaine.

It was clear to Uther that the girl had got to him. He knew she was not the type to manipulate a man; everyone told him that endlessly. She had got under Arthur's skin. In some ways that was worse as she could have a man jumping through hoops for her without lifting a finger.

He pulled himself to his feet and walked into the private study behind the audience room. It seemed he would have another letter to write.

Uther wasn't fool enough to think that Arthur will change his mind between now and the end of the week. That meant the problem of the handmaiden would have to be dealt with, swiftly. Anna had already stated that she would help. A week would be enough time to arrange everything.

-

At that moment Morgana lunged out of her sleep with a sense of great foreboding. The images in her head scolded her sight and she found it hard to make out the dark outline of her room. She sat up and tried to catch her breath while dragging herself back to reality. She tried to come to her senses but couldn't calm down. Her heart was racing so fast.

She looked around for any other sign of life but she was alone. She wanted to look for someone but she felt as if her bed was teetering on the edge of a cliff and one false move would send her over the edge.

Morgana rubbed her face with her hands and ran them through her hair; it was completely damp, as if she had awoken with a fever. It clung to her like fear, she could smell it.

Eventually she gathered the courage to pull herself out of bed. She pulled her wrap around her and rushed out the door. It seemed cooler in the hallways of the castle. She rushed down the stairs before she reached the bottom and stopped to think. She didn't know where she was going, who she was looking for or what she was even doing.

Where am I going? She thought. The answer was obvious; to Merlin. He said to go to her if the dream happened again, so she would. It was late, but she told herself he wouldn't mind and nor would Gaius.

It wasn't even the dream she saw that worried her; it was the feeling that came with it, the feeling of impending doom. Something was going to happen and she knew the only one she could tell was Merlin. He was the only one who could help.

Ironically, at that very moment, Merlin too had awoken with a start. He had been dragged out of sleep before by powerful magic or the infernal lizard below the castle, but never by a dream and never by a sense of great foreboding.

It was sign enough to tell him something was going to happen.

* * *


	19. Part 19

* * *

Gaius rubbed his eyes as he tried to take in what Merlin had just told him. It was too early in the morning for something like this.

"You're saying," he said as if the clarify the point, "that you have just had a dream similar to the one Morgana has been having."

Merlin nodded. "It was the same dream but for a few things. I didn't see myself in the dreams or anything..."

Gaius sighed, "This happens sometimes, things from life turn up in our sleep. You saw inside Morgana's dream, looked at her dream. It's been hanging around in your mind recently, it was only natural you might end up dreaming it yourself."

"I know that," Merlin said, rubbing his hands nervously. The shock of it made him feel on the edge. "But it was more than that. It was the feelings I had when I was sleeping and when I woke up."

"What do you mean?" Gaius asked.

"It was like this feeling of... dread," he said distantly, trying to choose the right words. "Like something had happened, or is happening..."

"You are worried about Arthur and Gwen," the old man said, as if reminding him. "It is possible that your fears are affecting your sleep..." he pulled himself to his feet and walked slowly towards the work bench. "I'll prepare you a sleeping draught."

Merlin sat silently and thought about the emotions he felt when he had awoken. It was like dread personified had yanked him out of his sleep; he had gasped for air and his heart had been racing. It had been as if he had forgotten how to breathe.

His thoughts immediately turned to Morgana and how awful it had to be for her, waking like this frequently. Upon waking all he had been able to do was think of the dream: fire, blood and anguish. He had seen Arthur and Gwen just as Morgana had seen but none of those scenes in the forest that had included him. Gaius had said that seers could not see their own future in their dreams...

Merlin sighed, "I feel like a little kid who's just had a nightmare."

"Everyone has nightmares," Gaius said understandingly. "It seems a lot of people are having trouble sleeping at the moment. Uther asked me for a draft to help him sleep earlier..."

"Hmm," Merlin murmured unsympathetically. "It must be hard work plotting to ruin people's lives."

"Merlin," Gaius said firmly.

There was a loud crash at the door. Gaius nearly knocked over his remedy and Merlin's heart skipped a beat. The two exchanged looks as Gaius strode to the door and opened it.

It was Morgana.

Merlin's heart skipped another beat and throbbed painfully in his chest. His sudden tension did not escape Gaius. "Morgana," Gaius said, as if surprised. "What brings you hear so early in the morning?"

Morgana looked at him with wide eyes, barely hearing what he had said as her mind was still dazed despite the long walk from her chambers to theirs. Her eyes quickly rested on Merlin. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before Gaius finally ushered Morgana into a chair.

"I can tell this is not just a social call," Gaius said sarcastically.

"Oh," Morgana said, snapping out of her daze, "Yes, I'm sorry to call so late but..."

"Why are you here?" Merlin asked. He was surprised at how calm his voice was, even laid back and uncaring. He quickly decided he disliked that tone and leant forward to sound more sincere, "I'm mean... what brings you here so early?"

Morgana tilted her head, "As if you don't know."

Behind them Gaius shook his head and went back to what he had been doing. "It's just as well I'm making a sleeping draught."

The young woman spun to look at Gaius and then back at Merlin, who said nothing. He didn't need to say anything; it was all there in his face and in his eyes. A jolt of pain shot through Morgana's heart as she quickly realised why he and Gaius had been awake at this time.

"You had a...?" she began.

Merlin nodded, "Yes..."

There was a short and awkward pause.

"I probably woke the same time as you did," he went on, hugging his arms around him like a little child. "It was the same as your dream only slightly different. I couldn't see myself in it or anything..."

Morgana shrugged, "Couldn't that have just been a dream?"

"It's the way I felt that swayed me," Merlin confessed, reliving the emotions he went through. "When I saw Arthur and Gwen in that dream I felt sorrow, a raging sorrow and longing. Then when I saw the war scenes; the burning villages and screams of horses and battle cries I felt... disgusted."

He covered his mouth as he relived the smells and sensations of burning wood, blood and metal.

He cleared his throat and finished saying, "I'm starting to realise why you could get so hysterical about seeing these things."

Morgana felt sympathetic. For a long time she had wanted someone to share her misery, to understand what it was like to have the awful dreams she had but now she felt sad. Merlin had tried to help her with her dreams; first by trying to take them away and second by helping her to understand them.

She almost felt guilty, as if her influence had caused him to start having the dreams. Maybe it had. She didn't know how the gift she possessed worked, whether it could rub off on somebody or whether Merlin had always had it but it had been mixed up with his other powers.

Maybe Gaius was right and it was just a dream. No matter what it was Morgana felt sad to see Merlin confused and disturbed. It made her feel frantic as he was usually the level-headed one of the two.

Gaius looked up from his work. He was adding extra ingredients to make the draught strong that it would hopefully knock both of them out so they would not have a recurrence of the dream in one night. With Morgana it was a possibility, but he wasn't convinced yet that Merlin's dream wasn't just a nightmare.

He sighed as he filled up a bottle with the mixture for Morgana to take away with her and a cup for Merlin to take to bed with him in a moment.

"It'll be fine," Gaius told the young man, grabbing his hand and thrusting the cup into it. "I told you it was just a nightmare. Maybe it'll teach you to not go rummaging around in people's heads."

He eyed Morgana and walked away to clear up the bench. Morgana looked at Merlin, "Do you suppose that's why you had the dream, because you were inside my mind?"

Merlin shrugged, "I don't know—it could be, but I don't know. It just felt so real, more real than when I saw it in your head... it was like I was _there_. Oh, I can't remember... more of it has slipped away than I thought."

Morgana tilted her head. "That happens to me all the time," she said before she smiled and gently tapped his arm. "It's frustrating, isn't it?"

Her hand felt cold through his thin night shirt. It sent a shiver through his arm and straight to his chest, just like every touch seemed to now.

"Very frustrating," Merlin remarked

The two of them smiled at each other and laughed. Morgana once again rested her hand on his arm as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Then she realised what she was doing and pulled it away again.

It was due to Gaius's hawk eyes watching them from across the room that told her to keep her hands to herself.

She folded her arms and sighed, "It does seem strange that both of us should wake at the same time from the same dream. It was almost... _instinctive_."

The way she said the word 'instinctive' sent another sensation through Merlin. He even found himself crossing both his arms and legs to try and adopt a more relaxed posture.

"I suppose that what happens to 'kindred spirits'," Merlin finally said, glancing at the judging old man in the corner of his eye. "We're always looking out for each other, even in our dreams."

Morgana blushed. She found it so unbecoming of her to blush at something Merlin said but she couldn't help it. The fear and uncertainty from moments ago seemed to have disappeared in a flash and was replaced with that old familiar bubbling feeling in her chest.

The thing that really made her blush was that they were flirting in front of Gaius, however mystifying they made it.

"Well," she said after a brief pause of considering an answer for him, "you are like a guardian angel, aren't you?"

This time Merlin blushed.

Gaius made a loud clutter as he put the bowls away, purposely breaking the atmosphere. As he watched the scene all he could think about was the dragon's warning about allowing Merlin and Morgana to get too close.

The pair of them looked around them awkwardly as Gaius walked up to stand between them. "I think it's time we all went to bed," he announced.

Morgana swallowed, "Yes."

Merlin watched her rise from her chair as Gaius handed her the extra strong sleeping draught. Even those small moments spoke volumes to him. He started to suspect his worst fears were being realised.

He looked at Morgana. "You should come straight here in the morning if you still continue to have the dream," he then glanced at Merlin, who now looked sheepishly away, suspecting Gaius's displeasure. "If Merlin has the dream again as well... then we'll try and understand why, I promise."

Morgana bit her lip and nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Gaius."

Morgana preferred being alone with Merlin but she was glad that Gaius would help. It was clear the events of recent went beyond anything either she or Merlin understood. Besides, even if Gaius was there for their discussion of the dreams she would still have Merlin to herself while he taught her magic. She would make sure of that.

She and Merlin exchanged one last look. He gave her a small, friendly smile that nearly killed her. She hated this, what she was feeling, not being able to do anything about it.

He hated it too; his smile was evident of it. The moment she left through the door the smile disappeared.

Gaius's eyes were still on the door but he could feel Merlin's expression behind him. He turned around to see Merlin with his head down and face expressionless. He wasn't thinking of anything, just feeling confused and exposed in front of his father-figure.

Eventually Merlin pretended tiredness and got to his feet, clutching the remedy in his hand. "I just take this before I go down, don't I?"

Gaius nodded slowly. "That's what you usually do with a sleeping draught, yes."

Merlin sighed, the sarcastic tone not lost on him. He turned to go up to his room, muttering 'good night' under his breath when Gaius stopped him.

"Merlin," the old man said firmly but calmly.

Merlin knew what this would be about. He turned around slowly and awaited the criticism. Gaius didn't like to pry but he felt it had to be said, even if it was just to reinforce what the boy already knew.

"You should be careful," Gaius finally said. "I know I have told you to be careful in regards to your relationship with Morgana before but this is different."

Merlin shrugged and attempted to be naive to what he meant. "How is it different?"

Gaius sighed. "Just remember that—if you are even suspected of being anything more to Morgana than a servant _that will be it_."

"I don't know what you—"

"You know very well what I mean," Gaius said confidently. "I understand how you feel. You're about Morgana's age and like you she has the gift; it's only natural for you to feel a tad... _infatuated_—"

Merlin's cheeks and ears burnt. "I'm not _infatuated_ with Morgana!"

Gaius tilted his head, "Merlin..."

"I'm not," Merlin said defensively. "We're just... friends." There was a long pause as they pair looked at each other in silence. The young man sighed, "Even if I did it wouldn't matter. Like you said, I'm just a servant. I'm not an idiot, Gaius."

"I know you're not," the guardian replied. "I'm just trying to protect you from getting hurt. Even if no one found out you both used magic, if the king suspected the two of you..."

"He won't," Merlin said firmly, trying to keep his face straight. "He won't because there is nothing to suspect. The king thinks I'm an idiot and I don't mind that. It keeps me alive."

Gaius gave Merlin an almost pitying look, which Merlin hated. It was the 'you can't fool me' look.

The young man sighed. "Gaius, I know you're worried but... don't be. Nothing can happen and nothing will happen, I swear."

"In that case," Gaius said finally breaking his momentary silence, "do you think it's wise to continue teaching Morgana magic?"

Merlin folded his arms. "I already promised her..."

"Merlin..."

"Well I don't see what difference it makes!" the warlock retorted quickly. "Gaius, I know what I'm doing. You just have to trust me."

Gaius sighed, "I do trust you, Merlin. I just want you to remember that Arthur and Gwen were caught; you can't keep a thing like this secret."

Merlin stood in silence, as if he had run out of words. He decided denial was the best course of action. He turned to enter his room and muttered, "I'm not keeping 'a thing like that' secret."

The door softly clicked shut. Gaius wished there was something he could say to drag Merlin out of that infuriating denial. The truth was he knew that Merlin would resist the feelings he had as hard as he possibly could. Morgana's will was weaker. That was what worried Gaius. She would eventually crack and if she went down she would probably take Merlin with her, and vice versa. She was her own worst enemy.

-

Arthur swiftly sat up after he reached over to the other side of the bed and realised Gwen was not there. It was still early. He wondered if she had left earlier than morning as per usual and he had spent through it as he quickly pulled himself up.

He didn't have to look far as he saw her sitting half-dressed at the table across the room in silence. His heart settled the moment he saw her. She seemed to be in a world of her own. The thick light blue dawn-light lofted in from the window nearby, illuminating her skin and hair; she looked like an angel.

Arthur glanced down and saw Fach sleeping on the end of the bed. He was careful not to wake the little dog as he slipped quietly out of bed.

His eyes were focused on her as he pulled on his clothes. He didn't think he had ever seen her a morning after making love before. It was always dark when they parted ways. Then there were the stolen moments that were taken when necessary and had no time frame.

If there was one thing Arthur resented about their situation it was that he had never awoken fresh with the pleasure from the previous night and Gwen still beside him. He knew that is was Gwen's fear that woke her early; if not fear of discovery it was fear of Uther.

The closest Arthur had ever been to what he wanted was yesterday morning. It was the first time he had ever woken and Gwen had still been there with no indication of leaving. They had not made love the night before that morning but Arthur felt utterly content; he happy that she was there with him.

Arthur ran the back of his fingers down Gwen's cheek. She looked up and smiled sadly up at him. He pulled out another chair and sat beside her.

"Are you alright?" It was a stupid question but it was out before he could think.

"I was thinking."

Arthur reached over and took her hand. "You don't regret staying last night, do you?"

"Why would you think that? I've stayed before."

"I know but..." he said letting her hand go, "never with all eyes on us."

"I wasn't even thinking about that," Gwen confessed. She sat hunched up on the chair, wrapping her arms around her legs. "I was thinking about your father."

Arthur could help but bite. "Well whatever works for you..."

Gwen groaned in disgust and batted him playfully. "I meant what he said to you last night. I want you to be careful."

Arthur sighed. "I've told you before that he can't do anything against my will even if he is the king. He can't legalise the engagement unless he has my signature on the contact... and I won't sign anything unless I've read it first."

"He could overrule you," Gwen told him. "He is the king."

"There is nothing to overrule," Arthur told her. "There is no new and official alliance stating that I have to marry Elaine, and there's not going to be. Not if I can help it."  
"And I can't help worrying about you," the young woman protested. "If anything happened to you because of me I'd never forgive myself."

Arthur chuckled, thinking her 'protest' was a little extreme.

"He may be the king but he's still my father," the prince told her. "He needs me more than he needs any alliance so what's the worst he could do?"

His face then became more serious. "I'm more concerned about you—if anything happened to _you_ because of me _I'd_ never forgive myself. I'd never forgive him."

"The threat was aimed at you," Gwen reminded him. "He may not be able to force you to marry Elaine or kill you for disobeying him but he can still deprive you of your freedom; he can still make your life miserable."

"He's already making my life miserable!" Arthur snapped. He thought of what his father had said the previous night. Arthur had held back his anger last night but it was starting to resurface.

He reached over and ran a finger down Gwen's arm, the contact making her shiver with light pleasure. "You're one of the few things that keep me going."

"You know I feel the same," Gwen said quietly, and looked into his eyes. "That's why I couldn't bear to see you suffer."

Arthur rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "The worst he can do is shut me up in the dungeons."

"Is that it?" Gwen said sarcastically.

"He's just hoping I'll give in and do as he wants."

"Going to the dungeons is still suffering..."

The tone changed almost immediately as Arthur made a flirtatious smile. "Oh I don't know, it's not the first time I've been thrown in there. It'll remind me of old times, like our first conspiracy together."

Gwen tilted her head questioningly before she remembered the infamous incident of the flower, the guard and the bread. "That guard chased me right up those stairs before I managed to duck into an alcove and lose him."

"You always could think on your feet," Arthur went on, stilling smiling.

Gwen chuckled. She got to her feet and stood in front of him. "One would think you enjoyed bondage."

Arthur looked up at her, inclined his head to one side and smiled slyly. He reached to take her by the hips and pulled her onto his lap. "It's funny you should say that..."

Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a long-lasting kiss on his lips. Her previous thoughts that had woken her were buried and forgotten. She broke the kiss and smiled, "You're terrible."

Arthur said nothing. He cupped Gwen's chin and pulled her in the resume the kiss, this time inserting more passion. He moved his hands down her back to bring her closer and she moved her own hands to his face to keep their mouths locked together.

When they broke the kiss they remained with their foreheads and noses touching, the heat of their breaths brushing against their faces. Arthur's eyes met Gwen and he smiled again. "Let's go back to bed," he whispered.

Gwen did not protest and willingly murmured her approval with the suggestion. She saw no reason to deny herself or Arthur of the joys they had previously taken advantage prior to their discovery when there was still risk if not more.

She pushed the threat Uther had made to Arthur of 'knocking sense' into him at the back of her mind and allowed Arthur to carry her back to the bed. Although she'd never voice her fears out loud, she wondered now each time they were together whether it would be the last time.

-

The next time Merlin awoke it was light. As with last night he was jolted out of his sleep by the dream. It had not taken him by surprised as it had last night. He had expected to have it again despite having never had dreams or nightmares like it before. The feelings he felt were nonetheless damning.

Merlin rubbed his face of the sweat and smoothed his hands through his hair to try and tame its bed-head style. Then he slipped out of bed and opened the door to see if Gaius was awake.

The next room was silent and Gaius was still dozing in bed. Merlin decided to let him sleep longer as for the last two nights Gaius had lost sleep due to him. He owed a lie-in to him.

It reminded Merlin of what Gaius had told him the previous night about Morgana; that he should be careful, that he knew what he was feeling. He blushed. Even the thought of it made him feel exposed and foolish. He felt like an idiot for feeling the way he did and it embarrassed even more that Gaius knew about it.

He pushed it to the back of his mind.

Merlin closed his door and went to sit at the small table in the corner of the room. He kept the books Gwen had lent him on chivalry, weaponry and armour to help him fulfil the ridiculous duties that were entailed in being the prince's manservant. As well as that there were some educative books that Gaius had given him to study, which Merlin considered looking at briefly before he had to get up.

But that thought didn't last long.

He scooted over across the room and threw himself across his bed to access the loose floor board where he had hidden his spell book and various other things.

Beneath the spell book there were spells and charms written in his hand on fair quality paper. He pulled them out and laid them in front of him on his bed. They were simple spells such as fire spells, water spells, wind spells, spells involving objects and little charms for minor ailments. In all there were twenty pages.

Merlin had mastered them swiftly and quickly. He assumed it was due to his natural gift and his instinct for magic. It was harder for Morgana and took longer. It would take him years to get her up to scratch with some of the spells he could do, but he didn't mind.

He blushed again, and then groaned. He hated feeling this way. All he ever wanted to do was find someone who shared the same experiences that he did. He had waited so long for Morgana to realise what she was or find out what he was just so he could talk to her about it.

Now they were alone in their secret, they kept each other company in solitude but their feelings for each other were changing.

That made it worse.

Merlin knew that Morgana felt it too. He could feel it in her when she spoke, looked at him or smiled. He knew that she knew about him too. It made it all seem so complicated. Merlin felt that he might have been able to ignore his feelings had they been unrequited.

He wrote guiding notes by the lines of the spell, explaining pronunciation, saying where emphasis was needed as well as adding his own improvements. Merlin felt rather smug when he did this. After doing a spell several times he sometimes found ways to improve the spell's effectiveness and he loved sharing it with Morgana while he was teaching her.

Merlin put the pen down and sighed.

He wanted to keep teaching her but he was worried that his feelings would distract him. He sometimes wished Morgana was plainer then he wouldn't be prone to staring at her all the time. It was even all the more awkward when he caught her looking at him too. He felt flattered but _awkward_.

He bunched all the pieces of paper together once he finished adding notes. His intention was to give them to Morgana when he was finished but there were still some more charms and spells he wanted to write up. He would then advise her in where was the best place to hide her 'stash' of magical implements.

Merlin wondered if Gaius was right, if he should put a distance between Morgana and him at least until the feeling went away. The trouble was that it never stopped. It wasn't like an innocent crush or infatuation. It was partly that but it was something else. There was a connection, something that went beyond simple affection. It seemed to bind them together like it was destiny.

All he could do was live with it; he could do that.

-

Arthur decided to walk Gwen home. They both knew they had to face the world and walking through a town where everyone knew they were lovers seemed the best way to face and overcome their demons. It was like going into a room coated of cobwebs to cure a fear of spiders.

There was another reason Arthur insisted on walking her home. He felt that his very presence would deter the nobility in particular from throwing insults at her or saying things _just loud enough_ for her to hear. They cared about their positions and wouldn't risk calling Gwen a 'common little floor scrubber' within his ear shot.

Gwen had protested initially. "I need to face them too" Arthur told her, pulling on his boots. "We should face them together. It's _us_ they're talking about, not just you. It's both of us."

"Yes, but you can get away with it" she said smiling despite her worry. "You're the prince—no, never mind that—you're a _man_!"

"Guine_vere_—"

"I hate it when you say my name like that!"

"It gets your attention, though."

Walking through town was surreal. The strangest thing was that Gwen felt calm and undeterred. The city was just waking up and the people setting up their stalls or sweeping their thresholds looked up and watched as she and Arthur walked passed. She wondered what they were thinking, whether they thought the same of her as the people at court did.

Gwen had never been so thankful that her house was moderately close to the castle. The moment she opened the door Fach rushed in, seemingly happy to be home. It probably made little difference to a dog in reality.

Arthur stayed by the door. He did not want to show Gwen up, knowing that in the public eye of the people he had to be the perfect gentleman. Not that he would have done any different anyway.

Inside Gwen looked around the room. It occurred to her that she had not actually lived in this house for the past two days. It had been more like a base camp, somewhere to freshen up in after spending the night at the castle. If it wasn't to be with Arthur then it was to comfort Morgana after a nightmare.

Gwen wondered if she was starting to become detached from the simplicity of the life she led before when her father was still alive, and whether it was a bad thing that she was changing, evolving.

"Could you pull the door a jar?" Gwen called over to Arthur by the door. "I want to get changed."

Arthur did as she said. He was weary of the early risers passing by the house and seeing him there. They didn't seem surprised to see him and some even smiled at him. It was a far cry from the hissing of gossip and laughter in the castle.

Eventually the door opened again and Gwen poked her head out. "I'm decent now," she said with a smile. "Why _are_ you standing outside?"

"To amend the damage I may have done to your reputation," he said, smiling back.

She opened the door fully and stepped to one side. "It's rude to leave people waiting on the doorstep," she told him. "Just leave the door open."

Arthur remained at the front door looking into the house as Gwen put down some food and water for Fach. His eyes scanned the room, moving from Gwen, to Fach and to the walls that had only been redone that summer.

"They're not leaking any more, are they?" he asked.

Gwen looked up. "No, they did a good job on the walls and the roof."

Arthur remembered how awkward Gwen had been when he had insisted on having the entire thing redone after he had seen her emptying pots and pans of rain water after a particularly wet week.

Gwen leant over her bed to open the shutters to let in some fresh air one something glistening on the shelf above her bed caught Arthur's eyes. He reached over, passed Gwen who stopped to watch as he picked up the small ornament. It was the silver fairy.

"I remember this," he said, admiring it in his hand. "Cador gave it to you, didn't he?"

Gwen felt a twang in her chest. "I'm surprised you remember, frankly. Yes, Cador gave it to me... before Gorlois died and he became the Duke of Cornwall."

"It was after your mother died," Arthur remembered and she nodded. He ran his fingers across the tarnished metal. "Wasn't it in a box or something?"

"Yes," she replied, and knelt beside her bed to get it out from underneath. "The silver fairy statue was inside. I remember you were the one who gave it to me; we interacted more in those five minutes than we ever did for the next fourteen years."

Arthur briefly glanced up at her before he handed it back to her. His eyes rested on the box, "That's changed a lot since I last saw it."

"The paint is wearing off and I lost the key years ago," Gwen admitted. "But it still serves its purpose."

"What do you keep in it?" he asked.

She ran her hand across the surface looking at the worn pattern before she looked up again, "Your letters."

Arthur felt a shudder go through him although he managed to conceal it. It still embarrassed him that he couldn't express his feelings for Gwen in words as he could in writing. The irony was that he had been there when Cador gave her that box; never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that one day it would contain his only attempt at being romantic.

Gwen put the box back under the bed and placed the silver fairy back above her bed. "Come on, let's go," she said getting to her feet. "I have to get to work and you're on guard duty."

"Yes, darling," Arthur said jokily.

As they made their way back to the castle all the surrealism from before flooded back once again.

The city was happily carrying on around them. Gwen heard no snide remarks from the artisans plying their trades or the people taking advantage of these services before the late morning rush.

They still turned to each other and talked, but there was no malice. A few of them were smiling, similar to the way her other servants had done yesterday morning when she felt at her most vulnerable. The sight of she and Arthur together seemed to _please_ them for reasons Gwen had no idea.

A child stopped to stroke Fach. The little dog was thrilled by this, holding her head to the ground with her tail wagging, and was worked up by their enthusiasm.

When they reached the main entrance to the courtyard Arthur leant over to whisper in Gwen's ear, "Was that really Camelot we just walked through, or some fantasy town in the otherworld?"

In the courtyard they passed the familiar faces of the castle on their way to work. They crossed the paths of Sarah and Erec who both nodded respectfully, "Hi, Gwen. Good morning, sire."

Gwen looked up at Arthur. "I don't know but I hope it lasts until the end of the day; I have shopping to do in town."

They saw Merlin striding across the courtyard on his way to work, unawake that Arthur was just west of him.

"Merlin," Arthur shouted firmly.

He was genuinely taken by surprise. "Arthur," he said, forgetting formalities as always. "Gwen!"

"Good morning," Gwen said politely.

"Where are you going?" Arthur questioned him.

"To your chambers," Merlin replied with obviousness. He was distracted by Gwen presence with Arthur and wondered what had happened for them to be walking along the street together. He dared not ask, though. "I thought you'd still be there."

"Merlin," Arthur said, with the same tone of obviousness, "what do I always do on a Tuesday?"

"Err," the young servant thought, "y-you go on guard duty with Sir Kay and Sir Percival?"

Arthur nodded his head. "And where do we always meet?"

"Err, the field beside the castle?"

"Exactly," Arthur said sarcastically. "We meet on the training field, so, where should you be going?"

"To go and get your armour?"

Arthur turned to Gwen. "I think he's got it."

"Don't be mean!" Gwen scolded lightly. "I really need to go to work myself. I'll see you later."

She snapped her fingers to encourage Fach to follow. As she moved to walk away Arthur caught her by the arm. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine!" Gwen said. She was starting to get irritated by him constantly asking that question. She sighed and shook her head, "I told you I'm a grown-up girl. _Nothing_ can top how horrible yesterday was; things can only get better now."

Arthur nodded and, to the surprise of Merlin and a few onlookers, he kissed her on the cheek.

-

It was a late Wednesday afternoon when a tired messenger finally reached the gates of Eidin

The royal residence of Eidin in Gododdin overlooked the proud settlement that King Lot himself had founded and built nearly thirty years ago. It was usually used as a winter retreat but with the conflict in Rheged Gododdin was a critical point. It was used to secure the west and stop Claudius and the rebels pushing into the south through Strathclyde or Bryneich.

As the weeks went on more and more people from the wreck of Rheged fled to follow their fallen king Urien for the continued protection of the family. Many were willing to take up arms and fight Prince Claudius and the invaders. This enlarged Lot's already swelling army.

With the amount of men stationed in Eidin there was no chance Claudius would risk attack. Lot had left with Urien leaving Gawain in charge of nearly a thousand men to protect the kingdom. It was a large responsibility for a young man barely twenty but Lot saw it as good experience for Gawain. Soon a full-scale war would break out and he would have to lead his own men into battle.

Queen Anna sat in the large study that overlooked the main courtyard dealing with the matters of state. She had always been politically minded even as a girl but during her younger years very few people took her seriously. It had taken Lot until after their second son to trust Anna with minor the affairs of state. Now, he left everything to her while he went out conquering the Picts, the Scots, the Irish and anyone else who annoyed him.

Anna stretched her cramped hand. She had been trying to get through the domestic policies since lunch time and hadn't even touched the foreign policies. Her popularity came from the fact she valued the domestic approach.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," she called.

A smartly dressed Pict messenger entered. "A messenger from Camelot has arrived, ma'am" he said.

Anna continued to rub her hand, "From Áedh or the king?"

"I am not aware," the man said honestly. "The messenger is awfully tired; it seems he barely stopped between Camelot and Eidin."

"It'll be from Uther then," she said, rolling her eyes. "Allow the messenger to rest and bring him to me as soon as he is able."

The man nodded, "Of course, majesty."

Anna looked back to her work as he left. She picked up the quill but after a minute of staring blankly at a page on crop quotations she placed it down again and decided to take a break.

She slipped out of her chair, stretched her arms and then brushed down her fine silk dark blue dress. Close by to the side of her there was wall of full length mirrors. They had been there since before Anna married Lot and she had never understood their purpose. She assumed it was because the mirrors made the room seem larger, like it would go on forever.

Anna never stopped to admire her own reflection. She used to annoy Igraine by rarely brushing her hair properly and continuously wearing the same dress. She remembered sitting in front of a mirror as her sister dragged a brush through her hair. _'Don't you think it's time to throw that dress away?'_ Igraine had said, to which Anna asked her if she would mind her walking around the castle in just her chemise.

Anna smiled at the memories when she noticed a flicker of movement behind her. She looked over at a pair of velvet blue drapes at the side of the room that led into the Privy Council room.

She smiled. "I know you're there. Out you come!"

At her request a small boy of seven years dressed in a grass stained tunic emerged from behind the curtains.

Anna rolled her eyes. "Gareth, you shouldn't be playing in here."

The little boy smiled up at her, "I was playing hide and seek, _mama_."

"You should be out in the garden playing it," Anna told her son firmly. "Are your sisters inside as well?"

"No, they're still in the garden."

"That's not a nice thing to do," the queen told her son. "They're probably still looking for you."

Gareth groaned, "They're playing with dolls! I'd rather play with Gawain."

"Gawain is busy at the moment," Anna said, kneeling in front of her young child to brush the grass from his tunic. It was no good—he would have to change later. "He will play with you later I'm sure."

She then regained her smile and walked over to open the balcony doors. Outside she could see Gawain training with the knights of Eidin. Gareth wandered to her side. He was quite small for his age and could barely see over the stone wall.

They both watched as Gawain tried to demonstrate an attack method to them and his younger brother Agravain. The knights all watched in interest as Gawain swiftly disabled the knight who then lay wincing on the ground as Gawain explained what he had just done. Gawain's lightness on his foot and with a sword was a remarkable thing; it gained him the nickname 'Gwalchmai' – 'The Hawk of May'.

Anna turned to go back inside. "If you want to do something useful," she told her youngest, "you can fetch in your big brother for me; I need to talk to him."

"Yes, mama" Gareth said. He then turned to look over the balcony and shouted at the top of his voice, "Gawain! Mother wants to speak to you!"

Anna spun around at the sound of Gareth's young and childish voice calling to the courtyard below. The sound of the knights, Agravain and Gawain all laughing lofted up.

She laughed, "I could have done _that_ myself!"

Gareth just turned and smiled sweetly. He was very much like Anna when she was that age—cheeky and loud when in full view but quiet and allusive when he desired. He was just a child yet he had already mastered the art of hiding where no one could find him.

"Mother!" echoed a voice from grounds below.

Anna went out and looked over the side where Gawain was looking up. "Is it urgent?"

"I need to discuss something with you," she called back, before changing her tone to address both her sons. "It's time you both came in and changed; it'll be supper time soon."

The issue Anna wished to discuss with Gawain was an important one regarding their immanent visit to Camelot. It was important that everything was in place before they got there.

That reminded her.

"I'll have to make sure your nurses have packed everything you'll need for _your_ trip," Anna said suddenly.

She was referring to the imminent return of the 'little trio' to Orkney. The nickname 'little trio' was the collective term Anna used to refer to the twins and Gareth, the three youngest children, while she used 'big trio' to refer to Gawain, Elaine and Agravain.

Lot had advised his wife that the 'little trio' should return to Orkney before the autumn set in so they would be out of Claudius's reach, beyond the Pictlands. This was much to the annoyance of younger children, in particular the youngest Gareth. Agravain was also annoyed as his father informed him that he too would go to 'look after' the younger ones.

Only Anna, Gawain and Elaine would remain in Eidin, and this would only be for a short time; they were off to Camelot in a week's time. Agravain wished that he could go too, another seed in his resentment at only being the second born son. Not that he resented Gawain being the first born and heir; he simply resented that his father saw him as 'second best.'

"Do I have to go?" Gareth stropped.

"Yes," Anna said firmly. She then sat down and pulled Gareth closer to her to fix his messy flaxen hair remove dirty marks from his face. "No one will be here in Eidin because your brother, sister and are going to Camelot to see grumpy Uncle Uther."

He giggled. He did not remember Uther as he had been just three when he last saw him.

If Gareth wanted anything in his life, it was to be a knight. He had heard many stories of the knights of Camelot, and of his elder cousin Arthur, and he longed to go there. He barely remembered any of it but he wished he could go.

"But it's boring in Orkney," Gareth complained. "I'll have no one to play with."

"You'll have your sisters and Agravain," Anna corrected him.

"Clarissant and Norcadet are _girls_," the seven-year-old sulked. "And Agravain isn't as fun as Gawain."

Anna sighed. "There are plenty of children in Orkney—you can play with them."

"I wish I could go with you," he confessed miserably. "I hate being on my own and Agravain is always mean to me."

"I know," she replied. "But he's only doing it to look after you besides," she went on, "If this were a family trip all of us would be going to Camelot but it's political. It would be no fun for you."

"Yes mama," Gareth said with a look of defeat.

The door opened and Gawain walked in, his skin was glossy from the sweat and dirt of training. He was still smiling as always despite the fact that he knew whatever his mother had to tell him was important.

Gareth ran up to him and Gawain picked him up, straining his breath as he did. He swung him around a little as he always did before he placed him down again. "Hi there," he said cheerfully. "You're getting too big for this!"

Anna folded her arms and watched them. She was proud of Gawain; he was the ideal older brother to Gareth and the twins even if he frequently squabbled with Elaine. He loved his siblings. In that respect he reminded her of Tristan, who had only ever loved three women in his life and two of them were Igraine and herself. But that was where the similarities ended.

"It's time you went and got changed," she said to Gareth, although she thought it about both of them. "You too, Gawain, after I've spoken to you."

Gawain nodded before smiling down at Gareth. "I'll see you at dinner, okay?"

Gareth nodded, "Can we play a game later?"

"Sure, after dinner," Gawain promised.

Satisfied, the little boy walked independently out of the study and towards his own chambers. As he did the sound of the lively castle wafted in and remained until he closed it again. Once Gareth was gone Gawain turned back to his mother.

"Have Clarissant and Norcadet come in yet?" Anna said. Although she was a queen she was still a mother. "I don't want them staying out in the sun too long."

"Agravain and I passed them on the way in," Gawain replied, pulling off his gloves to wipe his brow. "They were hassling Elaine to braid their hair."

"Ah," Anna said, sitting down behind her desk again. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Gawain tucked his gloves into his belt and put his hands behind his back. "You want to talk about Elaine?"

"Our imminent trip to Camelot," Anna said.

"Oh," Gawain said.

His voice suddenly became more serious. He had wanted to talk to his mother about that too. Over the last few weeks Gawain had tried to approach his father on the subject. Lot was always busy, only ever coming to Eidin to freshen his troops, and every time he told Gawain 'Talk to your mother.'

He was speaking on behalf of Elaine, who was not enamoured with the idea of going to Camelot. He dare not repeat to his mother what she had said to him in regards to the idea of being _queen of_ it one day. 'It's a wealthy kingdom, rich in food produce and precious metals' Gawain had told her, to which Elaine had retorted, 'Exactly—it's a tin-pot little kingdom!'

Elaine didn't really mind Camelot. It was just _so_ far away from home.

Gawain did not voice Elaine's reluctance to marry Arthur to his mother, she knew. Elaine had spent a good week ranting at her about it after their father told her during a rare family dinner. Instead, he decided to use the tactful approach he knew his mother was expecting him to use anyway:

"Mother," he began. "Do you think this betrothal is really worth while?"

Anna began looking through her papers. "How do you mean?"

"Well," Gawain went on, "you said you wanted to talk about our journey to Camelot. I wonder whether Elaine marrying Arthur will really solve anything in the long run. Hell, does it solve anything in the _short run_?"

Anna stopped but did not look up, "Probably not."

Gawain slumped into the chair opposite the desk, "Then why put Elaine through this?"

His mother finally looked up at him. "Do you speak for our kingdoms, or Elaine?"

"Both," Gawain said with proud certainty that made Anna smile. He leant forward, his eyes sincere. "Mother, if we take Elaine to Camelot now to sign the alliance she knows she'll never leave. There'd be no point bringing her home."

"I know," Anna replied.

"Mother," Gawain said, perplexed by her calm behaviour. He knew his mother well to know she was the ultimate fixer and planner but he still felt het up when she was like this.

After a long pause Gawain finally spoke again. "Elaine has been having those nightmares again... about father and Uncle Urien, and this marriage."

"I know that," Anna said stoically. "I have as well." Gawain said nothing, and his mother went on. "But we don't talk about it, do we?"

"No, mother" he said in a defeated tone.

This was one of the other things that worried Gawain. Lot hated the old religion just as much as Uther did, but Anna wasn't always going to be in Camelot to protect Elaine should she be discovered.

Gawain regained himself and changed the subject slightly. "And there's Arthur to think about too. I doubt he's too excited about marrying Elaine..."

Anna picked up a piece of paper and looked at it. "He certainly isn't."

"What'd you mean?" he said, glancing at the piece of paper.

"This," she said holding it level with her head, "is what I mean."

Gawain tilted his head. "How do you mean? What is it?"

Anna smiled. "It'll certainly put your mind at rest in regards to your sister's position in Camelot..."

She handed it to him and watched as he read the parchment. He looked up at her now and then as he went through it quietly. Once he had finished his head shot up to look at her, "Mother, is this--?"

"Yes," she replied with a nod of the head. "You must keep this to yourself for now. Only you and I know. However in order for this to work... I'm going to need your help."

-

After a week of hurling insults and snide remarks about Gwen behind her back and to her face the nobility were finally starting to lose interest in trying to upset her, although they still treated her nastily. They were like the bullies she encountered as a girl; once they could no longer provoke a reaction out of her, they got bored and moved on to someone else.

They believed that Arthur was going through a phase before his eventual marriage to Elaine and that he would dump her once the novelty of Gwen's lower class wore off. That assumption annoyed Arthur to no end, particularly as he feared Gwen might start to worry that was true.

The common people of Camelot were completely different.

Whenever Gwen stepped outside the castle to take a walk in town it was like entering a parallel world. Away went the rolling eyes and wrinkled noses, and in came the smiles and 'hellos' with no tinge of jealousy or malice.

By Wednesday it was common knowledge to the people that the nobility treated Gwen with contempt due to her station as the prince's sweetheart.

"They're just jealous," the cook had said to Gwen as they waited in a queue to buy some bread. "It's not enough that they live in comfort with their fine clothes and fancy wears—they don't understand that a prince might actually love a normal person like us."

Whatever Gwen got up to with Arthur didn't seem to bother the 'simple folk' as they were enchanted by the idea that someone of their station had overcome the odds and earned the love of the man who would one day be the most powerful in the kingdom.

There were the odd few young maids who resented what Gwen seemed to have just as there were some nobles who refused to be cruel and unkind to Gwen, such as Lady Bedivere. But they were few and far between as for the most part people were supportive, particularly those in Gwen's neighbourhood.

Her neighbours were a couple with a daughter and they were particularly nice. The daughter had always looked up to Gwen because she was older and sensible, something the parents had always encouraged their daughter to be. Gwen had expected her neighbours to be disappointed in her but it was fine.

"I thought you'd want to keep Edith away from me when you heard," Gwen admitted to the mother as the daughter stroked Fach.

"Don't be silly!" the mother replied. "You're a good girl, really. Edith and her friends, I think, look up to you even more now."

"I'm surprised you didn't realise before now..."

"To be honest I suspected for a while," the mother admitted with a smile. "I had seen Arthur around here before and I did wonder..."

It wasn't difficult given that Gwen's whole roof had to be replaced. She could have asked the father next door to take a look at the room and he would happily have done so, so they naturally wondered why the prince gave a handmaiden such special attention.

Arthur found it funny that the people of Camelot accepted the news so easily, some of whom had suspected something and some that had brushed off the little hints over the last few months. "A far cry from my lot isn't it?" he said.

The knights had taken it one step further and even seemed to accept of their leader's low-born 'girlfriend'. The nastiness had worn off on them quite quickly and, once the story of Lamorak's humiliation got around, they were intrigued by the relationship. Never had Arthur ever threatened one of them because of a woman.

They found it amusing that Arthur of all people had been floored by any woman. It reminded them that all of them were susceptible to the effects of love should the right girl come along.

Gwen was to some of the knights a mascot. As the week wore on she became more confident about watching them practising without ridicule. The knights noticed that Arthur was a tad less violent and aggressive towards them when he knew she was watching. He would still beat them; he just didn't beat them _hard_.

This helped the knights become very welcoming very quickly. Gwen had felt particularly embarrassed when Arthur and Merlin told her that they had raised a glass to her on one occasion.

"The only mouse to slay a dragon," Kay had said wittily.

To which Arthur had quipped in return. "Believe me, Guinevere is _not_ a mouse."

On Friday afternoon Gwen met Arthur and Merlin in the courtyard as they had returned with the other knights from a 'ramble' in the forest. There were reports that a heavy storm was moving in on Camelot meaning that the afternoon hunt had to be cut short.

"How did it go?" she called to them as they approached.

"As good as it could be have with Merlin trotting along beside me," Arthur snipped, glancing at Merlin, who pouted in response.

"That's the gratitude I get for lugging your stuff around," he retorted.

Despite their relationship being public and Arthur did not kiss her on the lips in public; not after doing so had exposed them. Neither of them minded as they knew they could have each other to themselves later in secret without having people in the castle and town gawping at them. Instead Gwen gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"Oh," she said to Merlin. "Morgana says she will come to see you and Gaius to collect that new sleeping draught. I know both of you have been having trouble sleeping."

"Hmm" Arthur said, taking his place at Gwen's side. "Funny that, isn't it?"

Merlin tried to hide his blush through a scowl. They could talk through the dreams they had been having and 'spot the differences'. The trouble was they had been unable to decipher anything new so far and ended up practising magic under the scowling brow of Gaius instead.

"I better get back," he said, backing away from them. "Gaius wanted my help this afternoon anyway... if that's alright with you?"

Arthur stood in silence with his head tilted, looking Merlin up and down, purposely making him wait for his decision. "Go on, then. I have better things to do anyway..."

"I'm sure you do," Merlin commented under his breath, darting away.

"I heard that!" Arthur shouted after him. He turned to Gwen and rolled his eyes, "Can you believe him? Sometimes he seems to forget he's a servant."

Gwen chose not to hang that particular noose around Arthur's neck. They didn't need another reminder that they were shaking up of the ridged old status quo.

"It's because you treat him like a friend," she said instead. "It's because he is your friend—you can't expect a friend to lick your boots."

Arthur draped his arm around her shoulders and sighed. "I suppose I would look like a hypocrite if I objected to that statement, wouldn't I?"

Gwen looked up at him. "Just a bit, yes."

"Then I shall not object," he declared, and leant down to kiss her forehead.

Uther watched the exchange between his son and the girl from the window overlooking to courtyard. He tried to swallow his infuriation about them stirring up the gullible common people in support of their _disgraceful_ affair.

There was a crash above them as the black clouds finally burst with rain, immediately hammering down on the people below. Everyone quickly moved to vacate the courtyard, many of them already drenched. Uther watched as Arthur and Gwen rushed through the side door and disappeared into the castle together.

He clenched his jaw.

Arthur had not only continued in his relationship with 'the help' but also ignored the fact he was due any moment to be engaged to a princess of the blood. It was humiliating, scandalous... and downright _infuriating_ behaviour.

To the end of the week I told him! Uther thought angrily.

That was the most exasperating thing of all; Arthur seemed to have completely written off his father's threat. Uther had given him until the end of the week to come to his senses and agree to his betrothal to Elaine.

It was now Friday and Arthur had not complied. He played it like a game of 'call your bluff', a game most people never tried to play with Uther due to his habit of doing exactly as he threatens.

Uther stepped away from the window; he had already called Arthur to see him that evening.

The urgency was added by the fact that Anna, Elaine and Gawain were all set to leave Eidin to come down to Camelot on Monday. This affair had to be resolved before then.

It angered Uther so much that Arthur didn't seem to care about ritual humiliation before his own family.

He had received a new letter from Anna on Wednesday and had sent her a reply the very next day to ensure she received it as soon as possible before she left Eidin for Camelot. He was still surprised at how supportive and helpful she was, offering help in solving the problem. The issue of the handmaiden would be resolved soon.

Uther sent a request to see Gaius. He felt he would need his help for what was to follow. He felt a tinge of guilt about involving Gaius in this 'mess', but he knew he couldn't do it without him.

-

The servants of Eidin loaded the luggage that the Queen and her two eldest children would need on the journey to Camelot while their travelling party, (a sprinkling of the finest champions not only in Gododdin but the whole of Hen Ogledd), and the royal bodyguards awaited the royal family to appear.

Two days ago Anna, Gawain and Elaine had all seen off the other siblings on their way back to Orkney.

The twin girls looked like little dolls as they had sat nervously in the carriage with their tenants. Elaine had platted their sandy coloured hair into two tight knots on each side of their heads to keep it neat and tidy for the journey.

Elaine hugged her two sisters goodbye before Anna kissed their cheeks and told them: "Behave yourself, listen to Agravain and be nice to Gareth."

Gawain had come out with Agravain and Gareth. The youngest brother looked miserable to be leaving Eidin, still not excited about returning to Orkney. Gawain tried to cheer him up by reminding him that he would be going on the ship—but it didn't work.

"Cheer up, you miserable brat!" Agravain had snapped rolling his eyes. "I don't want to go to Orkney either but, tragically, that's life."

As Anna hugged her middle child goodbye she whispered in his ear. "Don't be so hard on you little brother, Agravain."

Once Gareth was tucked away in the carriage with his sisters and the nurses Anna, Gawain and Elaine watched as Agravain and the guard led the small party out of the fort gates of Eidin.

"Alpin," the queen had called to the chief guard in change of the party, "get them to Orkney safe, or I'll use the eyes of your son for my new earrings."

Two days later and it was their turn. Anna was just finishing one last piece of business before she left, not wanting to return to a stockpile when she came home. The door then opened and Gawain walked in.

"They're ready for us now, mother."

Anna got to her feet. "Very well then, and is your sister ready?"

"As ready as she'll ever be," Gawain replied quietly. He then took a step forward, implying he had something to say. Anna took note immediately and waited. "Mother, don't you think you ought to tell her?"

"I will tell her," the queen replied, "but only when the timing is correct."

"And that will be?"

"Not before we board the ship," Anna confessed with a knowing smile. "I do not want old King Ceretic hearing about it during our brief stopover in Strathclyde, not to mention your uncle Urien."

"If you want to keep it so secret why did you tell me?" Gawain asked. He folded his arms and looked down, "You could have had someone impartial to help you organise everything. It would have saved me a lot of pain."

Anna walked up to Gawain and cupped his chin as mothers did. "I am very grateful, dear."

Gawain managed a small smile as Anna walked by him to meet with their travelling party in the courtyard. She didn't like involving Gawain in this business but she liked to think that, once everything worked out, he would receive some gratification from it.

-

The moment they were out of the public eye Gwen found herself swept up into Arthur's arms before she knew what was happening. Even at this stage in their relationship his embrace literally took her breath away. Before she could question his sudden actions his mouth covered hers with quick, passionate kisses.

She instinctively responded despite having been taken by surprise, throwing her arms around his neck, running her hands through his hair... but she couldn't shake the feeling something had to be wrong. She broke the kiss to talk and he, as if trying to silence her still, immediately pulled her close and moved his kisses down to her neck.

"W-what-what's brought this on?" Gwen finally gasped out, distracted by his wandering lips. "If I didn't know any better I'd accuse you of trying to butter me up."

"Ah!" he said through trailing his mouth against the curve of her neck. "You," he said in between the kisses, "have seen through my brilliant plan..."

"What's going on?"

"Just," he said, continuing as before, "enjoy the moment a little while longer..."

"Arthur!" Gwen said firmly, and the arms she had looped around his neck to push him away. "If it's something important I want to know... _now_."

Arthur pulled his lips away from her, still holding her in his embrace. He looked down at her and sighed. "Alright I'll tell you," he said, twisting his fingers through her hair. "My father wishes to speak to me this evening."

Gwen looked down. "The week has gone so quickly..."

"It has."

Her eyes met his again, hands still resting on his shoulders. "What do you think he's going to do?"

"I don't know..."

Suddenly, Gwen moved her hands from his shoulders to his face and pulled him towards her for another kiss. This time she took Arthur's breath away, negotiating his mouth open to deepen their contact and coaxing a moan from his throat.

When the kiss was broken he looked at her through his eyelids. "Well," he said clearing his throat, "that wasn't the reaction I was expecting."

"It's because I never know whether it'll be the last time," Gwen confessed.

Arthur closed his eyes tightly. "Don't say that."

"I can't help it," she swallowed. Gwen ran her hand across his jaw and managed to smile, "This past week I have been living every day as if it would be the last... well, I'd be a fool not to."

Arthur took her hand from his face to hold it in his hand. "I'd never let him hurt you, I promise you that."

"I don't care about that," Gwen told him, squeezing his hand with hers. She looked at him with a sort of sad happiness. "There is nothing else he can do to hurt me. I have nothing worth taking," she then chuckled ironically, "The only thing that keeps me going is my love for you."

"And you're the one that keeps me fighting."

Gwen shook her head and smiled, "You'd keep fighting whether I was here or not."

"Maybe," Arthur said, running his thumb over her knuckles. "But you give me the strength I didn't know I had," he took her other hand as he spoke. "That's why I can't let you go. I hate to think what I'd become without you."

"Why?" she asked, tilting her head.

"You keep me moral," he said with a faint smile, "and never lose faith in me."

She tightened her hold on his hands, "Many people have faith in you."

Arthur's smile widened, and he freed one of his hands to brush back a loose strand of her hair. "But _your_ faith is unshakeable no matter what."

That was the difference. Arthur knew that many people had faith in him but it wasn't like Gwen's. Even when he was at death's door she continued to believe in him. On reflection he might have given up then had she not stayed with him, held his hand and told him to keep living. She reminded him of what he should live for; Camelot.

He wished his father could understand that this was the reason why he just couldn't marry Elaine. It needed to be Guinevere. In his heart and mind _it had to be her_. It had got to a point where he felt existence without her would be very empty. Even if life did go on it would have a gaping hole in it.

Arthur sighed loudly, "Oh Guinevere..."

He lent forward so his forehead would touch hers.

"Oh Arthur," she said, copying his tone amusingly. They stood like that in silence for a moment, looking at each other. Eventually Gwen smiled again and freed one of her hands to touch his cheek, "Be careful."

-

The rain had blacked out light. Gaius had to light the candles in order to illuminate the room. He stood by the window watching the rain fall and keeping his ears firmly primed on the conversation going on behind him. He listened as Merlin and Morgana discussed endlessly the mysterious dream and offered up interpretations for what it all might mean.

Merlin compiled a list of the things they had seen and made notes beside it based on what they had both felt and thought when they saw the images. There was nothing new to report on that front; only that as time went on the feeling of dread became stronger and stronger.

"The real question is why am I having these dreams?" Merlin finally said. He looked over his shoulder to Gaius, opening up the discussion to him. "I have never had prophetic dreams."

"Maybe you didn't realise before now?" Morgana suggested.

"We don't know for certain what you both are dreaming is 'prophetic' yet," Gaius corrected him, turning to look at both of them. "Nothing you have seen has happened yet."

"But it's going to happen," Merlin said firmly. "You know there must be something to it."

Gaius sighed and walked over, standing in between where they both sat. "Assuming that both of you are receiving this dream from a divine force then there is only one explanation I can think of," he told them. "That is _'r ddyfodol gwawchia_."

Morgana looked at him blankly. "And what is that in layman's British?"

"It means 'future scream'," Gaius replied. "It's a theory there used to be in the old days before the purges that when a time of great change is imminent those of... _sensitive natures_... sense the change collectively."

"But only Merlin and I have the dream," Morgana said.

Gaius shrugged, "You can't be certain of that. There may be people all over Albion having this dream, slightly different to suit their situation, but the same. There may be people here in Camelot who have the dream but think it nothing but a bad dream."

"And you think that it might be _'r ddyfodol gwawchia_?" Merlin asked.

"It's just a theory," Gaius admitted. "But it has happened before; the last time it happened was before the purges began."

Both Merlin and Morgana's blood turned cold. They looked at each other and then at Gaius. "You don't think that..." Morgana began.

Gaius shook his head. "I doubt it—if this is about anything it'll be the war about the break out in Hen Ogledd. Even Uther fears that it will spread down here to the south and engulf Albion in a full-scale war."

There was a lump in Merlin's throat. He had heard so much about this war from the knights, all boasting about how they would be proud to fight and how their fathers would _'allow them to carry the family crest to glory'_. It occurred to him sometimes that these brave young knights would do just that and be killed in battle, people that he had known, served and seen every day.

Merlin decided very quickly that he hated wars. He hated them with a passion.

"Why would we have these dreams if we cannot prevent them?" Morgana queried, breaking their long silence. "Merlin and I can't stop a war."

"You must understand that if it is _'r ddyfodol gwawchia_ there is no way to prevent it," Gaius explained to them. "The 'future scream' is an omen, a warning, a tip for what is going to happen before it happens. It is up to you to deal with the situation, not prevent it."

Merlin shot out of his chair with sudden vim. "But you said yourself it was only a theory."

Gaius nodded. "I'd say the best thing to do would be to try a very powerful sleeping draught on both of you and see how it affects your sleep."

"Not another sleeping draught," Morgana groaned.

"This one is different," Gaius explained carefully. "It will send you to sleep within seconds of taking it. If this really is _'r ddyfodol gwawchia_ then the dream will come regardless, and if not, you should both sleep right through and awaken from a dreamless sleep."

"I've heard that before..." Morgana muttered.

Merlin nodded, "Frankly I'll try anything."

Morgana sighed, "Yes I suppose so."

The young warlock then sighed also. "Whether it is _'n ddyfodol gwawchia_ or not, It doesn't explain everything such as seeing Arthur, and Gwen, and why Morgana sees me in her dream... or why we keep seeing Elaine in the dream," Merlin said.

"Neither of you know for certain it is Elaine," Gaius corrected him. "You said yourself the girl felt older than she looked."

"So?"

"It is possible that the girl in your dream is not Elaine but someone else," Gaius suggested, wondering how he could explain it so Merlin and Morgana could understand.

Morgana rolled her eyes, "Who?"

"That," Gaius finished, "we can only guess... but I'd listen to your feelings. If the girl in your dream feels older then she probably is and she is just... a comparison."

Merlin cleared his throat and chuckled. "It's _much_ easier to assume it is Elaine."

"I'm just trying to help," Gaius said, and threw his hands up. "Clearly my presence is annoying so I shall take my leave, for now. The king wishes to see me. You two behave yourself until I return."

Merlin and Morgana looked at each other and smiled. They didn't mind Gaius being there. In fact they welcomed it. It might have been much more awkward had he not been there. He kept them from letting their guard down or slipping into a dream-like trace where they could imagine anything was possible.

As Gaius left they looked away from each other and tried to hide their blushes.

"Maybe we should leave it for today," Merlin suggested.

"Yes, maybe" Morgana agreed, folding her arms and clutching her elbows.

There was another moment of silence before Merlin reached over and took some of the unlit candles. He placed them in front of them and smiled. "Do you want to practise the fire spell again?"

"Are you sure?" Morgana said.

"I'm sure," he replied, smile widening. "Just... don't set fire to your hair again."

-

That evening Arthur went to see his father in the council room. He paced outside a few times before he finally took the plunge and opened the door. His eyes immediately fell on Uther sitting at the head of the table with a goblet of wine and some official papers.

No doubt he's been in another meeting with that shifty ambassador Áedh, Arthur thought.

Uther glanced up at him with his cold, steely eyes.

Arthur had made a point of avoiding his father the entire week, carrying out his duties within a good distance of Uther. They had stood right next to each other at one point during the week but not said a word. He was certain it had not escaped the notice of the nobility.

Looking back, Arthur regretted it—not because he felt he was being harsh to Uther, who had often given him the cold shoulder in the past, but because he knew his father would probably blame Gwen. He wasn't going to let him do that.

Arthur stood at the other end of the table and listened as the doors closed behind him. "You asked to see me, father."

Uther looked up again and sniffed. "I'm surprised you bothered to listen to me considering you have been deaf to my commands this past week."

"Have I not completed my duties in the same manner I always have?" Arthur challenged, almost daring his father to lose his temper and get to the point.

Tragically Uther did not bite. "The manner in which you carried out your duties is irrelevant; you have humiliated yourself in front of the entire court."

"Humiliated myself," Arthur said, once again setting the challenge. "Or humiliated _you_?"

This time he bit. Uther's eyes shot up, glowering with anger as the scar on his forehead seemed to increase in size within seconds.

"Idiot!" he snapped, and flew out of his chair, pointing an accusing finger at Arthur. "You speak as if you have no responsibility to this kingdom."

"I have always—"

"If you had any sense you would see how you are damaging your position by cavorting with this girl," Uther hissed.

"Damaging it?" Arthur snorted, and pointed towards the window. "The people of Camelot haven't batted an eyelid. They've never been happier!"

"And you helped stir up the people," Uther accused. "You and your 'peasant princess', both of you, stirring up the people to undermine my authority and everything I have worked for the past four months."

"Oh don't be ridiculous!" Arthur groaned back, rolling his eyes and clutching the back of one of the chairs. "Why must you see _everything_ I do as a personal attack on you?"

"Simply because it is," Uther stated.

Arthur scoffed, "Believe it or not, father, I do not spend my days thinking up methods to defy you. I bearly thought of you at all this entire week, wanting to avoid your cold shoulder..."

Uther's eyes widened, somewhat hurt by Arthur's declaration. "My cold shoulder?" the king snapped back. "The fact you barely thought of me this week is evident by your erratic behaviour. You go against good judgement and have been made to look a fool by _her_."

"She has a name!" Arthur shouted back. "Guinevere. Her name is Guinevere," he told him, knowing how little his father cared. "Remembering that is the least you could do."

Uther said nothing.

After a tense silence Arthur cleared his throat and said, "I have always done as you asked. There were many times that I abided your commands against my better judgement _but not this time_."

"You have played right into her hands."

"And you can't stand that I won't play into _your hands_, am I right?" Arthur accused disrespectfully. It made Uther twitch with fury. "Unlike the way you seem to have played into the hands of Lot."

Uther's glower became all the more terrifying, if it were possible. "How dare you!"

"And then there's Aunt Anna," Arthur suggested. "I imagine you _danced_ into the palm of her hand and let her eat you with a spoon!"

That touched a nerve. It was bad enough that Uther could not second guess Anna and was relying on her support at present in regards to this situation without Arthur hinting towards her famed ability of playing kings like drums. It was strange but Uther felt a desire to defend Anna at that moment; for all her craftiness she was a good ally and confident. Moreover, apart from Arthur, she was the only part of Igraine left alive.

"You shouldn't talk about your aunt like that," he finally responded.

"Why? It's not like she can hear me!" Arthur retorted, and looked around. "Or I don't know, maybe she can... maybe that spy of hers is hiding behind one of these doors."

Uther shot him another look of death. "I don't know what you imply but you will desist now! Anna is your mother's sister; she nursed you as a baby and always treated you kindly. You will speak of her _with respect_."

Arthur swallowed. He did feel ashamed of striking out about his aunt that way. His father was wrong about a lot of things right now but he was right about Anna. She was always kind and affectionate towards him during his childhood when no one else would. Arthur would go as far as to say that, as a little child, he had preferred her to his father.

"Don't you see what has happened here?" Uther grunted, his eyes meeting Arthur's again. Both men were fuming at each other with anger and each one tried to swallow it while the other dared to try and snap it.

"What _do you think_ has happened?" Arthur retorted.

"That girl," Uther went on, rolling his eyes, "_Guinevere_." Arthur nearly cringed at the way his father had pronounced her name, _sarcastically_. He had turned her beautiful name into a joke. It made Arthur feel strangely angry, more furious than he had been before. "You are allowing yourself to be manipulated by her, to do as she wishes."

Arthur's eyes darkened. "_Don't_ try and blame this on her."

They began to shout and argue over each other, their voices getting louder and louder as they tried to drown the other one out.

Uther growled, "But this is exactly what she wants—"

"It is my life, father—" Arthur retorted.

"To be so blinded with passion—"

"It's not Elaine's—"

"That you would defy me blindly—"

"It's not Aunt Anna's—"

"And make a fool of yourself—"

"And it's not even _yours_!"

Uther felt life tearing out his hair; it was like trying to kick down a brick wall. He spoke with the most spite he could muster, "That wench maybe appear sweet and considerate but that type play men for fools. She may pretend to be supportive—"

Arthur had enough and shouted before he could think: "_Shut up!_"

The king shook his head, "You've done it now."

Arthur regretted _that_. He had needed to say it to get it out of his system. He couldn't take another snide remark, another pathetic assumption that Guinevere must be playing him for a fool, another slight on his own intelligence. But he regretted saying it. He _knew_ he shouldn't have said it.

The doors opened and four guards marched into the room, surrounding Arthur and awaiting commands from the king. Uther regained his composure and looked at his son with the same steely look he had when he had entered.

"I had hoped that you would come to your senses after our last clash but it is evident to me that time has merely worsened your disposition," the king declared firmly. "So, until you come to your senses you will be detained in the dungeons."

Arthur looked at the guards around him before raising an eyebrow. "I thought as much..."

"And you will remain there under lock and key until you comply with my wishes," Uther said coolly.

Arthur glared at him. "Then you'll have a long wait because I won't comply, ever."

Uther folded his arms. "Won't you?"

The younger man stood his ground, looked into his father's eyes and said a quiet but firm: "No."

The king turned to the guards. "Lock him up and make sure he speaks to _no one_. If he has a change of heart and apologises for his behaviour up until now, then let me know. I'll consider whether or not to let him out."

"How kind of you," Arthur muttered sarcastically. The four guards gathered around him to lead him off. "This doesn't solve the problem with Elaine. I can't marry her if I'm locked up, can I?"

Uther turned his back on his son. The door closed behind him. The king needed time to gather his thoughts, to think straight again. He always lost his thread after an argument.

At that moment the doors swung open again. Uther span around to see Morgana enter followed by Arthur's inept manservant, Merlin.

"What on earth is going on?" she immediately queried. "I just saw Arthur being led to the cells by the guards."

"How observant of you," Uther grunted back, not in the mood for another row. Instead the king addressed Merlin, who stood looking at him with a look he did not care for. It melted away the moment Uther's eyes caught sight of him. "Your master will be incarcerated until further notice. You will continue your duties as normal, understand?"

Morgana looked over her shoulder and was rather annoyed by Merlin's quick response of: "Yes, sire."

She turned back to Uther, "Is this all because he doesn't want to marry Elaine?"

"That is none of your concern."

"Why must you deny him the _one thing_ that makes him happy?"

"He can't have everything," he snapped back. "We as nobility have to make sacrifices for the good of our country. This will be the first of many sacrifices he will have to make as king."

"This is the _only_ thing he has ever asked for," Morgana retorted. "And you deny it in the name of _patriotism_?"

"Enough!" Uther shouted, silencing her immediately and making Merlin jump in his skin.

Uther turned his glare on both of them, convinced the two of them we both in confederation with Arthur and the maid. They almost certainly were; they were the manservant and lady to the pair.

"I've had it up to _here_ with _both of you_," Uther snarled on. "If you were any sort of lady you'd have chastised your handmaiden for this _fornication_, and if you were any sort of sister you would have discouraged Arthur from this entire affair."

"And if you were any sort of father you'd be empathetic," she quirked back.

"I said _enough_!" Uther bellowed. "Enough, or so help me I'll ensure that you, her and _him_," indicating Merlin behind her, "share Arthur's punishment. As far as I'm concerned, you're as bad as each other."

The king then swept out of them room through the door at the back, leaving Morgana and Merlin alone in the empty council room.

Merlin relaxed his muscles. He had been taken aback by Uther's statement that he, Arthur, Gwen and Morgana were as bad as each other. It had briefly made him worry that he suspected something... but he didn't, of course. He meant in their association to Arthur and Gwen's relationship.

Nonetheless Merlin felt like he had a lucky escape.

"What on earth was _that_?" Morgana suddenly snapped.

Merlin came out of his daze. "What was what?"

"That silly little '_Yes sire_' you made at him?" she barked.

He lowered his eyes, "What else could I have said? In case you haven't noticed _I'm a manservant_."

"You could have done something other than just standing there!"

"Like what?" Merlin snarled back.

He knew that Morgana was worried about how Gwen would react to this news, it was understandable. But she didn't have to take it out on him.

He raised his hands and walked off, "You know what? I'm certainly not arguing with you in here for the entire world to hear."

Morgana folded her arms. "Where are you going?"

"To find Gwen," he called back. "Someone has to tell her."

Morgana took a moment to ponder nothing before she followed him, ashamed that she had taken out her frustration on Merlin. She didn't want to argue with him but it was sometimes so easy for them to lose it at each other. Every emotion they felt was intensified by their secret, unfulfilled attraction to each other.

One thing they both dreaded was telling Gwen what has happened.

* * *


	20. Part 20

**NOTE: I apologise for the lack of updates. This was due to a hiatus I went through because I had four essays due for university and I just did not have time to post this. I usually wait a few days after posting this on LJ before I post it here but because you have all waited so long I have decided to post it here now (A day after the LJ posting.) I hope you enjoy it and the final chapter I hope will be up before the New Year (I hope!)**

* * *

The rain was still falling late into the night and showed little hope of letting up. There was word from the outer regions that some of the valleys had flooded. It was as if fate had decreed something terrible should happen over the next forty eight hours. People like Merlin and Morgana did wonder if it was an omen, but everyone else blamed it on the fact that Dumnonia was right next to Cornwall—a very soggy little duchy.

Gwen stood by the window in Morgana's room overlooking the courtyard. The rain was loud against the cobbles. It seemed to get all the heavier since Gwen stared at it, her eyes fixed on the poor duty guards sheltering under the gateway.

Merlin and Morgana sat behind her in silence, listening to the downpour. They looked at each other, their eyes sending a wordless message. Neither of them had said anything since they had told Gwen what had happened.

"It's my fault," Gwen muttered quietly.

The two friends looked over at her. "Don't be silly," Morgana replied immediately. "This is just Uther throwing his weight around."

Gwen turned around. "Arthur has been locked up in the dungeon, and it's all because of me. If it wasn't for me..."

"Gwen, no" Merlin said, getting to his feet. He walked to her side and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Arthur is there because he won't agree to his father's demands—Uther would have done that to anyone who disagreed with him."

Gwen smiled briefly before she looked out the window again. Her heart felt tight in her chest. "It's damp and cold in the dungeons," she whispered.

"He'll survive," Merlin blurted out, not knowing what else to say. Morgana tilted her head and gave him _a look_. He quickly tried to explain himself, "I mean—Arthur has been through worse, and he'd go through worse for you..." He smirked and shook his head, "I think he'd gladly walk through the Otherworld to be with you."

"But I don't want him to go through worse for me," Gwen said vulnerably. She covered her mouth with her hands and sighed into her palms, "I'd rather it was me locked away in the dungeons."

"Don't talk like that," Morgana told her, and walked over to stand at Gwen's other side so that she was sandwiched between her two friends. "The last thing Arthur would want is for you to stand around here feeling sorry for him. He'd feel terrible."

Gwen shook her head helplessly. "I know but I can't help but feel responsible for this. I should have warned him against refusing Elaine..."

"You did," Merlin told her, as if she needed reminding.

"But I didn't _mean_ it," Gwen confessed, and feeling exposed in doing so. She spoke like a prisoner revealing all their misdeeds at a trial: "He asked if I thought he should marry Elaine and I said no. I told him it was because didn't want to give him up._ I couldn't stand the thought of sharing him with _her_ either_."

She rubbed her eyes, worried that she might be leaking tears. Morgana brushed a piece of loose hair back behind Gwen's ear. "That's understandable."

"And selfish" Gwen stated, ashamed that she had allowed her personal feelings to rule common sense. "I love him, and I don't want to make way for a woman who does not—_cannot_—love him as much as me..." she took a gulp of air. "And because of all that he's now being punished."

"No, Gwen" Merlin said firmly, and gripped her shoulders. "You mustn't think like that! I have known you a while now and you have _always_ put others before yourself. It is _not_ selfish to feel the way you do!"

Gwen managed to smile again, and looked between her two friends. They offered a warm smile in return for her faint one. Their faith in her was as unshakeable as her faith in Arthur, and she was glad they still had faith in her. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Love hurts," Merlin said, rubbing her shoulders with his palms. "It just sneaks up on you and catches you. I've never had to face what you have in regards to love, and hope I never will..."

At that moment his words trailed off and he looked to Morgana. She looked away from Merlin so quickly he couldn't tell what was in her eyes. It was probably the same thing that was in his.

Merlin let Gwen go and forced a laugh. "But there is nothing wrong with what you're feeling. Arthur feels exactly the same. If someone tried to take you away from him, he'd fight tooth and claw."

"Merlin's right," Morgana finally said, breaking her silence. "You're allowed to be selfish sometimes, Gwen. But what you're feeling isn't selfish, it's natural. Arthur is your lover; you're entitled to feel angry."

Gwen sighed sadly, dabbing her cheeks with the back of her hand. "The thing that angers me the most is that I can't speak to him. I just wish..." and she took another huff of air, "I wish I could just see him..."

She sighed again and rubbed her eyes, wet and itchy from stray tears. The fact that she felt like crying made her feel guiltier. It was Arthur that had been imprisoned, not her. Uther had said he wouldn't let Arthur out until he had agreed to his demands. Gwen knew that even Uther wouldn't keep Arthur there indefinitely, _almost_. But she still wished that she could talk to him. She didn't know what she would say but the first thing that came to mind was to reason with him, to tell him to give in to his father's demands. If refusing meant they were put through enforced separation anyway...

Merlin and Morgana looked at each other again before the young warlock stepped up. "Then there's only one thing for it," he said with a smile that made Gwen worry. "I'm going to have to break you in."

The way he had said it sounded like a joke.

"Break me in?" Gwen repeated.

"I still have to take him food and things," Merlin told her. "Tomorrow evening when I go down there you can come with me."

Gwen shook her head. "Don't be silly, Merlin. The guards know who I am, even that slightly daft one who eats leftovers. They'll never let me past."

"Uther said that no one is allowed to speak to him," Morgana reminded him.

"That's nothing!" Merlin said triumphantly. "I can get by those guards, no problem."

"And how are you going to get _me_ past those guards?" Gwen queried, not quite believing it although she desperately wanted to, "By turning me invisible?"

Merlin swallowed such a nervous laugh at that moment that made Morgana's ears burn. Her eyes widened and she gave him a look that said _'You_ _wouldn't!'_ He even heard her voice say it in his head although the lips didn't move. He wondered whether that was exactly what she was thinking. He wouldn't be surprised if he really had heard her thinking given everything else they both found they could do around each other.

"Don't be silly!" he said with a secretive smile. Gwen sighed unconvinced, unaware of Morgana, who raised her eyebrows at this statement. He swallowed again, "Seriously..." he said aloud. It'll conventional means only, he thought. The truth was that he could not really put a spell on Gwen without her noticing, certainly not invisibility.

Morgana brushed another strand of loose hair from Gwen's face and sighed. "You should go home and sleep," she said softly.

Gwen shook her head. "I won't be able to sleep..."

"Then go home and lie down," the lady said, her voice still gentle and concerned. It was very hard to be comforting when Gwen was in such a tricky position. There was very little Morgana could do other than order her friend to rest. "That little dog of yours will be missing you."

Gwen managed to smile, "That's true."

The young woman was in a daze. It was so unlike Gwen to be so out of touch with her surroundings. It was like she thought she might wake up and find that none of it had happened, that it was all a dream. But Gwen had pitched herself too many times for it all to be a fantasy.

Morgana shook the dazed Gwen out of her daydream. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Eventually I hope so," Gwen chuckled nervously.

Merlin piped up again after a few minutes of silence. He placed his arm around her shoulders to lead her to the door. "I'll walk you home," he told her in the same concerned voice Morgana had used.

"You don't have to..." Gwen protested.

"I _want_ to," Merlin insisted.

Gwen did not argue as she didn't really want to walk home alone tonight. It was almost surreal, going home. The entire week she had used her house more as a walk-in wardrobe while she had slept at the castle. In some ways she wondered if home would even feel like home anymore rather than just somewhere she lived.

"Thank you," she finally said, turning to Merlin as they prepared the leave. As Gwen turned to say goodbye to Morgana she found herself in a sisterly embrace with her lady. She smiled at Merlin over her shoulder before she let the maid go. Gwen managed to smile again, "And thank you too."

Morgana nodded and watched as Gwen walked out. Then she and Merlin exchanged one last look before he too disappeared and closed to door, leaving Morgana alone.

-

Uther watched the dark, dreary and damp courtyard.

He was waiting to see Gwen, to see whether she would return to her home that night. There was no reason for her to remain in the castle—unless Morgana required her help. No, Morgana would send her home tonight. It would have been a shock for the girl to learn of Arthur imprisonment.

Whether she would appear or not he wanted to wait, and look.

He stood with a goblet of wine in one his hand. Throughout the day he had watched curiously each time Gwen left the castle, came back and cut across from one side to the other. Sometimes she was alone, other times with Merlin or her dog, and once with both of them. And then there were moments like that afternoon when she and Arthur had brazenly greeted each other for the entire world to see.

Even from a distance he could tell she was trying to hide her feelings; embarrassment at the slanders and surprise at the people's support. Uther had almost expected her to garnish herself in the support for all it was worth but she didn't, and that was _extraordinary_.

It reminded him again of what Gaius had told him. Gwen was not the sort of woman to be phased by wealth and status, and that if anything it would deter her. It was all _very_ confusing.

The door behind him opened and Gaius walked in. "Gaius," the king greeted him. "I apologise for calling back here so late."

"Sire," the trusted friend replied, "you asked me to see again?"

Uther turned around and nodded, "Yes. I just finished talking with ambassador Áedh about what will occur over the next few days. I felt it best I inform you of the result immediately."

Gaius nodded slowly. He stood silently while Uther continued to look outside the window. He wanted to speak out about the 'information' the king had given him after he had left Merlin and Morgana, but he didn't know how to approach it. In the end he said nothing, hoping that Uther would initiate the subject. And he did.

"You don't mind aiding me in this affair, do you?" asked Uther, his voice strangely uncertain.

Gaius rubbed the back of his hands. "I wish to serve you as best I can, sire."

"But you _do_ mind?"

"I doesn't matter whether I mind or not," the old man finally said, looking over towards the window. It was too late for questions like this. "I know there could be worse things."

There was another pause.

"I do it for Camelot," Uther told him, his voice still defensive. "I cannot compromise our kingdom's protection at a time like this. Áedh tells me that Lot and Claudius have already met in battle several weeks back on the boarder of Elmet. Claudius is _this_ close to making an alliance with Mercia."

Gaius nodded again, "And what of Anna?"

"She is already on her way to Strathclyde with Gawain and Elaine," Uther explained, managing a small smile at the thought of that kingdom's old king. "They will stay there for a few days before sailing here. Anna will be _thrilled_ about that." It was well known that Anna thought Ceretic a fool. "According to the letter she sent me before she left they intend to be here by the end of the month."

The two men looked out the window. At that moment they both caught eye of Gwen rushing across the courtyard with Merlin. Their steps slapped the wet cobbles as the rain hammered down on them. Gaius felt his heart skip a beat. It had only briefly occurred to him that he would have to lie to Merlin about this. But seeing them together reminded him of what a betrayal this whole thing would be for him. And there was Morgana too. Both of them would be devastated and _furious_ when they learned the truth.

They watched the pair leave the castle grounds. Gaius felt another pang of sympathy. Gwen, poor girl had been through so much; she had been imprisoned, lost her father, and had fallen in love with an unattainable man..._Oh, if only she knew!_

Gaius was tempted to warn her, but he didn't have the heart or the courage.

"What shall we do about Morgana?" the king suddenly said, his own eyes locked on Gwen's movement. "And then there's the boy—what will you do about him? Both are liable to object."

This was the part Gaius hated the most. He swallowed and kept his neutral posture, hiding his shame beneath it. "It just so happens," he explained, "that both Merlin and Morgana have been suffering from those chronic nightmares. I have told them that I shall be giving them a strong sleeping draught to help them sleep. It will settle them until morning."

Uther moved away from the window as Gwen went inside the castle. She was clearly heading in the direction of Morgana's chambers. "Good," he muttered, taking his seat at the head of the table. He too felt a dull pang in his chest, the slightest feeling of shame. He chose to ignore it nonetheless.

"I shall administer it to them when you request it, sire" Gaius replied.

"Tomorrow night," Uther said bluntly.

The physician's eyes widened, "So soon?"

"Are you unable to make the draughts in time?" the king queried, knowing the real reason why Gaius had been so taken aback. It was very impulsive, but Uther needed this time to try and whittle down Arthur's resistance.

"No, it's just quite sudden," Gaius went on, again trying to find the right words. "Arthur has only been imprisoned for one night... I thought you might wait as few days to see if he would give in."

"Gaius, you and I both know that he won't," Uther said with a frustrated sigh. The king hated feeling forced into a decision. His eyes darkened slightly and he pointed towards the window. "The hold that girl has on him is... _is impossible to break_. The way he was tonight... it was like _madness_. No, I cannot waste any more time. _Tomorrow night_."

Uther sorted through the papers on his desk before he found the thing he sought and handed it to Gaius. The physician took the letter from the king and read it quietly. Uther watched as Gaius's eyes widened. It was at the name in the letter more than the content. The pair stared at each other before Gaius handed the letter back.

"I can tell you are surprised," Uther commented.

"_Yes sire_" Gaius admittedly freely, slightly confused. "I'd have expected anything but _this_. When you said you planned to—"

"It was Anna's suggestion," Uther admitted. His ever resourceful sister-in-law who had invited herself to Camelot, no doubt to keep tabs on him, now made it her business to organise the private problems in Uther's family and help him dispose of them. "I felt that it would be too close but she believes it is the best, especially since he claims to know the girl vaguely."

A sudden jolt hit Gaius. It finally dawned on him why Uther had really imprisoned Arthur in the dungeons. _It wasn't to try and change his mind_. It was to keep him where he could see him, where he couldn't object to what was to follow...

"In all honesty," Gaius finally spoke up. "I rather it was someone we know, someone _she_ knows. I would have hated to think of her far away in a strange country with people she didn't know..."

"Well," Uther said uncomfortably. He felt the tang in his chest away; he didn't want to believe it was sympathy and pity. It would be weak of him to feel pity for the girl who stood in the way of all his plans, who had bewitched her son. He thought she should be grateful he didn't charge her for _that_. "It won't be the case," he finally finished. "Don't let it be said I am not... _merciful_."

Gaius swallowed. "Indeed sire."

-

Merlin returned to the castle after talking Gwen home. He had stayed around for a little while as she settled in with Fach before she told him she would be fine and to go home. That was Gwen talk for 'I want to be alone.' He decided to go home via the entrance close to Morgana's chambers. He didn't know why he decided to go that way as often he tried to avoid it. But he couldn't help himself. It was late and he knew that she was probably in bed now.

That's where you should be, Merlin thought to himself.

The guards that patrolled the area were not in sight. He glanced up the dark stairs that led to her room. If she was still awake she would have darted out to greet him. She usually did. Or maybe she was waiting for him to return to her? Well, Merlin wasn't in a position to find out, given that she was a lady and he was a manservant.

He sighed and began to move off. Just as Merlin walked through the door way leading to the dark corridors he heard the door swing over and a voice call softly to him. "Merlin..." it whispered.

He couldn't help but smile victoriously. She had been waiting for him!

Merlin looked up the stairs to see Morgana clad in her nightdress and gown with her hair hanging loose and wild across her face standing at the top. Her face was completely overshadowed by the darkness of the alcove by her.

"You should be in bed," Merlin told her.

"So should you. Was she alright when you took her home?" Morgana asked after a brief pause.

"As alright as you can expect," the young servant replied honestly. He hadn't wanted to leave Gwen so soon but there was nothing he could do to help her. "I'm worried about her..."

"So am I!" Morgana said quickly. She stepped out of the shadowy top of the stairs and descended quietly, stepping into the light. She came down the steps until she was just two steps away from being level with Merlin. "It's not fair that she has to go through all of this..."

"It's not fair on Arthur too," Merlin said with obviousness. "He's the one spending the night in the cellar."

"Obviously," Morgana said, rolling her eyes. She looked at Merlin's damp jacket and hair, completely jet black from wetness and darkness. "You're soaked through!"

"It's still raining outside," he said quietly.

She took another step forward, paused, and then took the final step to that she was level with him. They looked at each other for a long moment before, suddenly, Morgana reached out to touch his cheek. Merlin knew he should back away or at least reach out to stop her, but he just stood there staring at her.

There was a clang of armour, the guard.

Morgana grabbed Merlin's hand and tugged him up the stairs and into the narrow alcove. As Arthur and Gwen had discovered the other day there was very little room for two adults in that particularly nook. Merlin and Morgana found themselves clinging to each other without realising, watching intently as the guard came closer and closer to them. The held their breaths and waited.

The guard came into sight, the dim light of the corridor lamps hanging over him. He had heard something. As he had been trained to he looked all which ways to see whether there was a troublemaker lurking in the shadows. He then crept towards the stairs.

In their small space the pair held each other closer. Morgana was so close she could feel the pulse in Merlin's neck, the quickening of his heart and the quiver in his throat as he tried to keep control of his breath. Then there was there connection, intensified all the more by his arms on her and hers on him. She knew he could probably feel the same of her.

The guard leant into the darkness to see the alcove. They braced against each other. Merlin tried to tug them further into space that just wasn't there but Morgana held him still, knowing that movement might give them away. It felt like an eternity before the guard finally gave up and turned to leave. The pair remained quiet as mice and still as statues until he disappeared from sight and the clang of his armour was faded in the distance.

There was a gasp of relief but neither Merlin nor Morgana moved from the position they stood on. It took them a while to become fully aware of it. He looked down and realised that his hands were resting on her waist, and that her hands were laid against his chest. No wonder the feeling had been so _intense_. It took them a while to react, too. They just stared at each other, not thinking.

Finally, as always, Merlin became too self-aware of where his hands were. He pulled out of alcove, allowing Morgana to stand within it easily. "Sorry," he said quietly.

"For what?" she whispered back.

"For..." Merlin began, but then stopped, unaware of what he was apologising for. Sorry for putting my hands on you? He thought. He didn't know how to phrase it. "I don't know... I'm just sorry."

Morgana couldn't help smiling. "Oh, I thought you were going to apologise for touching me up." Even in the dark she could feel his face brighten. "I suppose I should apologise for that too, shouldn't I?"

Merlin still said nothing. There was another moment where they stood in silence. They both wished they could remember what they were talking about before they had run to hide from the guard. It wouldn't be long before another one came too. Merlin knew he had to either say something or say goodnight and leave. He knew he should do the latter but he never seemed to do the logical thing where Morgana was involved.

Then she laughed suddenly. "Look at me," she said, stepping out into the light. "I'm soaked through."

Merlin went even redder; in their embrace he had felt both hot and wet, completely forgetting he had just run home through the rain. He was somewhat ashamed as he realised they must have been standing very close for him to have dampened her too.

"Maybe that's what I'm sorry for," he managed to joke.

She nodded, and then, finally remembered what she had wanted to ask Merlin. "Are you serious about sneaking Gwen in to see Arthur tomorrow?"

He was relieved that she had brought up the subject. He nodded and smiled, "Yes I am."

Morgana tilted her head. "How are you going to get her by the guards without using, you know, the 'm' word?"

"I haven't decided. I know I can't make her invisible... but I'm sure there's a—" he suddenly became aware of the fact they were standing up the stairs. Instinctively he rushed up the stairs to the door of her room and beckoned her to follow. Morgana found it quite amusing. She stood close and listen to him whisper, the sound of it tickling the inside of her ear. "I think there might be a charm I could use that would make her _unnoticeable_ to them."

Morgana tilted her head, "Isn't that the same thing?"

He shook his head, "To make someone invisible you need to put a spell on them or on an object they will wear. The spell cannot be broken unless you lift it. I won't have time to put a spell on one of Gwen cloaks or something and then take it off without her noticing."

"So..."

"So," he went on, "if I am right about the charm I should be able to make it so that the guards won't see her."

"And what about Arthur, will he be able to see her?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Merlin smiled. "That's the beauty of the charm," Merlin said proudly, his gawky smile lightening up again. "You can only see through it if you know the charm is there, if you are like us (with the gift) or if you _really_ want to see that person."

"I see," she said, getting to grips with what she was telling him. "So the guards won't see her because they don't expect to or want to; you obviously _will_ see her because it's your charm..."

"And Arthur will see her because he'll want to see her more than anyone or anything," Merlin finished triumphantly.

Morgana smiled, "That sounds ideal!"

"It's similar to the one I used on May Day," he explained, thrilled to be able to give her an example. He knew a teacher should always tell the student examples. "You remember the one I used to make myself look like Arthur? It's the same principle. The difference is that instead of looking like someone, you look like a shadow."

It all sounded too good a plan. There had to be a snag. Merlin said he would have to look into it, which usually meant he hadn't used the charm yet (or if he had it had gone wrong.) Then again the Arthur charm worked, even if Merlin's acting made people think that their prince was plastered out of his mind.

"If it works will you teach it to me?" Morgana asked. She _really_ wanted to know _this_ charm. It might come in handy for her one day. "It seems like a useful 'trick'."

Merlin laughed, "Of course I'll teach you!"

The part of him that enjoyed imparting his wisdom (such as it was) and showing Morgana how to master her abilities sparked up again. It was all to do with the connection. It frightened him nearly as much as the bubbling desire he felt to be closer to her became. Yet it comforted him. It was the feeling of not being alone. He knew he shouldn't get too close to Morgana, for many reasons, not just his developing feelings...

But he couldn't help it.

"I think it would be good to show you a few charms rather than spells and enchantments," he added quickly. "The charms are much easier to put together. You just have to be careful when looking for ingredients, especially if you're buying them in town."

Morgana laid a hand on his chest, knowing that this would silence him. It had been just another excuse to touch him. She smiled attractively at him, "Thank you, Merlin. You better go home else you'll get a cold."

"Huh?" Merlin said, not understanding and then realising he was still very wet and that the dampness as settling on his skin. "Oh," he said, embarrassed. "Yes, you're right... I'd better go home."

He turned and went down the stairs. That had never happened before. It was usually Merlin who decided when to exit their meetings but this time Morgana had 'freed' him herself. Maybe she too was starting to realise they had to have some boundaries? Maybe she wanted to draw the line? Or maybe... she just didn't want him to catch a cold.

The truth was she'd have given anything for him stay and talk more. She dreaded the thought of having to go to sleep and see that dream again. It felt much better to talk to him, to someone who knew what it was like to wake up in a cold-sweat because they had seen something or felt something. Merlin had felt that even before the 'collective scream' or whatever it was Gaius called it.

Morgana suspected also that she quite liked having wisdom too. Merlin had only started to have the dreams while she had suffered with them her whole life. It made them more alike and allowed her to be the mentor. It felt fitting given that she was slightly older and less naive.

It was sometimes easy for them to see the practicality of their friendship, especially in times when Arthur and Gwen needed their help. Then there were the times practicality had nothing to do with it and it was just passion that fuelled them, be it magical or repressed sexual tension.

It was so complicated!

"Goodnight," Merlin said, turning to wave goodbye.

He was glad that she had gone to the top of the stairs again to watch him leave. It might have killed him if she had just gone into her room. She never had and he didn't know why he'd think she might, but it was still at that back of his mind.

"I think what you're doing for Arthur and Gwen is wonderful," she whispered down to him.

He felt a tug in his chest, "Thanks, you too. And I'm sorry again for getting you wet."

"Don't worry," she replied faintly. "It was worth it."

-

The next morning seemed to pass very quickly. The entire court was bursting with amazement over the news that Prince Arthur had been locked away in the dungeons after his refusal to marry Princess Elaine due to him being blinded by love for his low-born 'girlfriend', the now infamous 'peasant princess' (as some called her) Guinevere. The scandal seemed to get richer and richer by the day. It both excited and shocked the nobility as it raised the question of whether people of their status could consort with people of her status.

The women still sneered and jeered, most out of jealousy. The truth of the matter was that many of their husbands, brothers and sons consorted with lower-born women _frequently_. But rumour had it that the prince had was to vouchsafe to the girl. That had never happened before. Love had occasionally crossed boundaries of class; there were times when earls had married countesses and dukes married baronesses... but nonetheless, they were all nobility. There had never been a question of a prince _falling in love with a maidservant_.

The question that confused the courtiers even more was, what did Arthur intend to do with the maid? Surely he couldn't think to marry her! The woman he married would one day be the queen, so a mere servant girl _couldn't_ possibly be up to the task. An apt queen needed to be a blood royal, or at least one of the girls at court. _They_ were the ones who had the correct breeding and intellect to be consort to a king. The only thing the maid could do was sew the buttons back on his shirt!

Lamorak summed up the feelings of the disgruntled nobility brilliantly: "He wishes to trade the whore's crown for a royal one."

But maybe they were all jumping to conclusions? The king would never allow Arthur to marry someone so low born even if he was looking for a local girl for his son to marry. There would be nothing to gain from it; no money, no lands... it would be pointless. Surely even Arthur could see that even if he had gone mad with love...

Despite being the centre of all the blame and speculation Gwen carried on with her duties around the castle regardless of the gossip just as she had done throughout the whole week. Some of the younger noble women seemed to treat Arthur's incarceration as a sort of victory for them, although Gwen couldn't understand why. Morgana said it was a case of 'if we can't have him, then neither can you.' Gwen knew that they would resent anyone who had Arthur, just as much as she knew she would resent Elaine marrying him.

The only thing that distracted her was Merlin's plan to sneak her into the dungeons to see Arthur. Her chest was tight at the thought of it, with fear and anticipation. She desperately wanted to see him but feared how he would react or whether she would get caught and land both of them, and Merlin, in even more trouble.

Merlin was in her company most of the day when she was out of Morgana's and about the castle. He said to keep her company but Gwen suspected he was acting as her watchdog. (That was true but he was also looking for an opportunity to put the charm on her cloak.)

"It's not fair for you to risk the sack like this," she told him as they walked through her front door that afternoon. They were greeted by Fach running up to them; it was feeding time. "I know the dungeons—if I am to see Arthur I should risk doing it myself."

"Why should you when I'm going there anyway?" he responded. At that moment Gwen removed her cloak, hung it on a hook and turned her back to feed Fach. This was his chance to do the charm. He kept her talking to keep her distracted. "After all," he began, hoping to initiate a subject that would buy him those precious few seconds, "I am his manservant. You should let me distract the guards while you sneak in to see him."

"I am grateful for all you're doing," Gwen said, her back now turned. As she spoke Merlin put the enchantment together, whispering words under his breath. "It sometimes embarrasses me just how much you have done for Arthur and I over the months," she went on. "_Alli mo canfod_" he whispered, clutching the fabric of the cloak. "You and Morgana," she added with a sigh, "I sometimes feel you two know my secrets better than I do!"

"That's just silly," Merlin chuckled back, and whispered under her reply: "_hi dydy neb._"

The material glowed under his hand. "I suppose," Gwen said, turning around. Merlin leapt in front of the hook, only glad the charm was set and the glowing would finish soon. "Are you alright?" she asked, seeing his expression, "You look a little... flustered."

Merlin chuckled nervously, "Not at all! I'm just..." he felt the glowing cease behind him, and be freed his hands from the cape to reach out and take her hands. "I'm just worried about you."

Gwen tilted her head, "Well don't be!"

She turned around again to pat Fach's head as she chomped away at her lunch. Merlin sighed, that never fails to stop Gwen asking questions. He glanced around the room when something next to her bed caught his eye. He walked over to have a look.

"What's that?" Merlin queried. He indicated towards the shelf above her bed. "It looks like an angel."

Gwen turned around, and smiled fondly. She walked over to pick it up, "It's my silver fairy, it was given to me by Cador."

Merlin's ears burnt, "The Duke of Cornwall? Morgana's uncle."

She nodded, "This was before he became the duke. It was just after my mother died. My father made and sheered his swords for him and they became friends through that. That's how I became Morgana's maid, Cador introduced us to Gorlois."

"I never knew that story."

"He gave me a little green box too," Gwen added, remembering it as if it were yesterday. She could still see Cador standing there in a long dark coat with his long, white fingers coiled around her father's shoulder as he offered sympathy. And she remembered Arthur. He had been there too. It was almost predestined. "Father said I should always keep it close..."

He picked up the silver fairy and smiled. "Why don't you carry it around?"

"I'm worried I'll lose it."

"Just for today, I mean" Merlin suggested. "It might make you feel better."

Gwen doubted that. The fairy meant a lot to her because someone in a high authority gave it to her and her father had frequently seen it as something to be treasured. Yet it had never done what her father had hoped it to do for her. It was merely a treasured possession that sat above her bed and reminded her of the days when Cador was still on speaking terms with Camelot and her father was still alive...

But there was something else the fairy had come to represent. Gwen felt her heart race faster. It was more significant to her than it had ever been before now. She clutched the cold metal in her hands and smiled. Maybe this fairy would serve a better purpose and come to mean more than just a memory?

"It may not bring comfort to me," Gwen said quietly as she slipped the tarnished silver fairy into her pocket. "But for the first time it's as if..."

Merlin, who had been standing quietly while Gwen contemplated the fairy, finally broke his silence. "Are you alright?" he asked.

She snapped out of her daze and smiled, "Yes! Sorry, I was just talking to myself."

They walked back to the castle together. As they went some people stopped them and asked if it was true that Arthur had been locked away in the dungeons. Gwen reluctantly confirmed this, and was forced to remember again why he was there. She was certain that the people would begin to hold it against her, and she wouldn't blame them for doing so.

But once again she was proved wrong as the people immediately turned their anger on _the king_. The things they said were rather unflattering, even if Gwen agreed with them.

"Don't say that!" Gwen quickly told one particularly gossipy lady (who was friends with the palace cook.) "You'll get yourself locked up too if you speak out of line about the king."

"He can't lock the _whole of Camelot_ up, love" the lady replied.

If anything they were further enchanted by the story unravelling before their eyes. Their much-loved prince had been locked away by their tormented king for refusing to betray his beloved maid by marrying a foreign princess. It was another stanza to add to the epic tale that had become the prince and the handmaiden.

This worried Gwen in many ways, that people saw her merely as the character in a fairytale come true than a real person. It bothered her that they didn't understand the gravity of being in love with the prince; the torment and helplessness.

Merlin assured her that there was more to the people's support of her than that. "The people look up to the gentry because they are led to believe they are better, but you _understand them_. They know you and you know them. That's why they look up to you—you are one of them."

Gwen's continued popularity did not go unnoticed. The nobility that walked in the courtyard turned their noses up, annoyed that the 'common folk' were still gushing all over her. But it wasn't all the nobility. As they made their way towards the main entrance they passed Sir Kay, who politely nodded to Gwen as he crossed the courtyard, walking in the direction of Lady Bedivere's apartments.

The positive noises of the crowd as Gwen walked by did not go unnoticed by those inside the castle either. Several of the nobility looked out their windows to see what was going on including Morgana. Some smiled, some frowned and others just stared.

One person in particular who just stared was the king himself. Uther did not feel angry; he just watched her as she walked passed. The crowd could be heard through the closed glass window. It seemed that his actions against the 'lovely' couple had only intensified the people's love for the 'commoner queen.' Eventually he looked away and turned to look at Áedh and Gaius who stood behind him, wordless. There was very little they could say.

Uther's silence was no doubt due to the fact that tonight was the night he would finally solve his problem.

Even from inside the cells Arthur could hear the goings on from the window above his head. He hoisted himself up, clutching onto the bars to see what was happening. He couldn't really see anything, not least because there were things blocking his sight (not including the iron bars.)

There was a bang behind him as the patrol guard clanged the gate to that section of the prison open and shut. Arthur dropped down from the window and settled down again on the floor. When the patrol guard came by he looked in on a brooding prince who, from his point of view, hadn't moved from that spot since he came on duty. The guard glanced over at the table where Arthur's breakfast still sat, untouched.

"If you don't eat we'll have to inform the king," the guard told him through the bars.

Arthur shrugged. "Then tell him."

The guard shook his head and walked off. God, what an idiot! Arthur thought, stretching out his legs in front of him. He wasn't starving himself on purpose to make a point (Although Uther would probably interpret it as such), he genuinely wasn't hungry. It didn't take up much energy to sit there and stare at four walls so he didn't feel like eating much.

He wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. The closest he ever got to a conversation was when Merlin came to bring him his food, and they were frequently brought to a stop by guards on patrol who would order Merlin off.

Thinking was the only pass time Arthur had in that cell. He spent most of his time in a semi-conscious state thinking about nothing, just staring into space. When he did think it was mostly about Gwen. Some thoughts were simply of what she was doing and whether she was thinking about him too. He knew she was; it was what she would do!

The other thoughts about her were musings of their relationship; holding her, kissing her and making love to her. It helped get him through that lonely night. He thought about what Gwen had said the last time they kissed, that she lived every day of their relationship as if it would be their last kiss, last embrace... He didn't want to have to live like that.

It made him think of Elaine. He tried again to see where the benefits came from marrying her, still blinded to them. He wondered if even his father knew the benefits, probably not. This was no longer a case of Uther punishing Arthur for the good of Camelot; this was about obedience. Uther wanted Arthur to marry Elaine _simply because he liked the idea_.

Arthur could see there were plenty of reasons to like it on a personal note given Elaine's beauty and probability of fertility, but what was the point if all Arthur would ever do was thinking about Gwen?

He almost feared the effect that would have on him if he married Elaine. He wondered if he would resent Elaine simply because she wasn't Guinevere. He didn't want to do that—Elaine deserved better than that. And Guinevere deserved better than _this_. He didn't want her to compromise her love for the sake of a wife he didn't want. They were lovers, vouchsafe to each other. He didn't want her to be forever branded with the label 'mistress'. He wanted to give her the whole lot.

-

Merlin rushed up the stairs to Morgana's room and, as per usual, she was waiting by the door for him. He no longer complained about her startling him because he felt he would be more worried if she wasn't waiting for him. He even hoped that she would always be waiting for him when he came to see her. The sight of each other still left them in an awkward flutter.

Morgana cleared her throat. "So come on," she began. "Did you put the charm on the cloak?"

Merlin hummed a little bit to himself, determined to tease her. He walked around the room, feeling her eyes watching him as he moved. "Those guards aren't so bright," he joked as he put down some of things he was carrying onto the table. "It wouldn't too hard even without magic."

"Merlin, stop teasing me!"

The young warlock smiled. "I did it this lunchtime, actually." Morgana tilted her head, waiting for him to explain. Merlin went on, "We went to her house to feed Fach. I saw an opportunity and didn't want to miss it..."

Morgana walked to stand beside him, for no other reason than to be closer to him. Merlin could feel their connection bubbling up again. They were kindred spirits. That was why he was telling her all this, to share his craftiness with the only woman who would understand.

"What did you call this charm again?" she asked, leaning closer.

He leant closer as well, "It was a perception charm."

Her eyes lit up. "Like the one you used at the masked ball?"

"It's very similar," Merlin replied brightly. He pulled off the wrist band he had been wearing in order to explain the principles to his 'student'. "You remember last time I wore something around my neck to make me appear like Arthur. This one is slightly different. I say _alli mo canfod_, and the charm is set."

Morgana raised an eyebrow, "Just like that?"

"I'll show you." He put the wrist band back on. "I placed an incantation on her cloak without her seeing. Once I finish the incantation, which is _hi dydy neb_, it will appear as if no one is there."

Morgana shook her head, chuckling. "I can't believe it's that simple!"

"Its simplicity comes from the fact that it doesn't make someone invisible, just unnoticeable. If the person under the charm talks to someone the spell is broken. The reason I chose it is because it's the only spell I can do without telling her."

"The people saw her when she returned to the castle," the lady then pointed out sceptically. "How do you explain that?"

"I told you last night they expected to see her, they _wanted_ to see her," Merlin reminded her. "Besides she spoke to some of them—that breaks the charm too, if the person talks to someone who cannot perceive them."

Morgana nodded. "And the guards won't see her?"

"As long as she doesn't speak to them she'll remain unnoticed," he explained. "The only ones who will see her will be Arthur and me." He showed her the wrist band and smiled mischievously, "I'll make you a bet that Gwen won't see me until I speak to her. She won't expect me here and her desire to see me isn't _that_ strong, so I should remain unnoticed."

"What about lifting the charm?"

"It wears off after about day," he told her. "Or you could just say '_mheidio_' and it would be lifted."

Morgana shook her head again. She enjoyed moments like this even though Merlin was often right when he said something would work. It was just that Morgana liked to see it for herself, and she so enjoyed sizing Merlin up. "If it does work," she told him, accepting the bet, "you are _so_ teaching this to me!"

"I promised that I would and I will," Merlin said.

There was a very short pause before the subject was changed.

"Oh!" Merlin said suddenly, changing the subject completely. "Gaius wanted me to let you know that he is preparing for us to take a _very_ strong sleeping draught."

The lady groaned, annoyed. "So what else is new?"

"He says this will be a very strong one," the young warlock explained, his words filled with the same emphasis Gaius had used when he told him earlier. "A very, _very_ strong one... should knock us into a dreamless sleep."

Morgana snorted. "And if it doesn't we'll be trapped in our nightmare."

"At least we might see the whole thing all the way through."

"Or just the same horrible images circling through our heads over and over" Morgana retorted, clearly not thrilled by the prospect of being 'knocked out' for the night. "Surely he'd do better to take one of his heaviest books and hit us over the head with them. That'll put us out."

Merlin found it hard not to snigger a little at her statement. He shifted closer to her and spoke softly, "Gaius is trying his best to help us. I can tell he's worried. He seems all on edge at the moment like..."

"Like what?"

"Like something bad is going to happen..."

That was no news to Morgana as she had suspect something bad was going to happen for a long time. But Merlin was right about Gaius. If he thought something bad was going to happen, it was. Not only did the old man have the king's ear but he had no natural magical gifts foresee the disaster in his head; he only saw the close and significant events. It was hard not to feel worried.

There was no time for further thoughts as Gwen entered at that moment. Merlin ducked to the side of the room so as not to make is presence obvious as the young maid entered and greeted her mistress. "I'm sorry for taking so long," she said in her domestic tone.

"You have more important things on your mind," Morgana said, placing her hand on her friend's shoulder. Her eyes were fixed on Merlin in the corner of the room. Morgana was determined to see if it really was worked. "Gwen, could you just reach over and get my brush for me."

Without a thought Gwen picked up the brush, right next to where Merlin was standing. He remained unnoticed. Morgana's eyes were still fixed on him, her face a half-frown, half-smile. She didn't know whether to be impressed or annoyed that she had lost the bet. Merlin simply responded by giving her a thumb up before he revealed himself.

"Hello to you too, Gwen!" he announced.

The young handmaiden nearly stumbled in alarm. "Merlin!" she gasped, wondering how she could have missed him. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there!"

"Never mind," he said cheerfully. "I'm pretty unnoticeable."

There were times when Merlin and Morgana felt a little guilty about always using Arthur and Gwen as pawns for their little magic tricks. While they seemed to know all and see all, they both stumbled about wondering how pears had turned into apples, what was that strange clinging sound and how on earth did Merlin manage to appear _out of nowhere_.

Gwen smiled. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Merlin told her genuinely. He changed the subject quickly to real reason why he had waited for her to arrive, "You and I should make our way to the dungeons soon. I'll be going down to the kitchens to take Arthur is evening meal."

Gwen nodded slowly. She gave an absentminded sigh and slipped her hand into her pocket to take out the silver fairy. As she admired it in her hand Morgana eyed it with interest. "That's pretty," was all she said.

"Yes," Gwen replied with a faint smile. "It was given to me as a present after my mother died. My father used to think I should always keep it close for good luck but... I wonder if I'm the one who needs luck anymore."

"Everyone needs luck," Merlin remarked.

Gwen replaced the fairy back in her pocket. "But some need it more than others..."

The pair waited another half an hour for the sky to darken before they made their way towards the dungeons. The three friends had sat around the table in Morgana's room trying to make small talk for the first few minutes before it slowly drifted back to the issues that concerned them in regards to Arthur, the war...

Then Merlin decided enough time had passed for him to collect his master's dinner without looking too eager. He stood up, "We should get going."

They did the full length of the castle together. It was starting to wind down for the evening so no one noticed Merlin and Gwen walking around the place. Then again no one seemed to notice Gwen at all. The spell had now taken full effect and she was no more than a shadow flickering at Merlin's side. If anything Gwen seemed grateful that no one stopped her or spoke to her after having nothing but attention for the past week, though she couldn't know the reason why.

Eventually once Merlin had picked up the simplistic meal he had prepared to try and tempt Arthur to eat something the two friends scurried across the courtyard towards the dungeons. Merlin frequently had to get past the guards before in order to visit The Great Dragon, so distracting them long enough to convince Gwen she won't be seen when she creeps by them wouldn't be too difficult.

The pair quietly snuck down the stairs and looked over the banister to see where the guards were and how many. There was just the one there. Merlin smiled, pleased with his timing. The other one had snuck off early before the next guard came on duty. This was a golden opportunity.

He turned to Gwen and whispered very, very softly. "You know what to do, I'll distract him and you sneak by while he's not looking. Wait in the alcove just down the corridor. I'll take you to Arthur's cell. Remember, don't panic and rush—just walk fast but quietly."

Gwen nodded slowly as watched as Merlin stepped gingerly down some of the steps, his eyes on the guard. He needed to warn Gwen not to run by when the moment came because even that could draw attention to her and break the spell. Convinced the timing was right Merlin then began to skip down the stairs, alerting the guard to his presence.

The guard looked up and smiled, "Evenin' there, Merlin. Come to bring him-down-there is teas have you?"

Merlin went along. "Yep, something simple this evening—hopefully he might eat this. The king ordered me to stand nearby and make sure he eats some of it this time."

"He didn't seem concerned when I told him I'd report his lack of appetite to the king."

"It's especially funny because normally he eats like a horse."

As they spoke Merlin moved himself around so that the guard's back would be to the back of the door. The guard didn't suspect anything because Merlin was always chattering away. To be honest he enjoyed listening to the boy's silly remarks.

Watching from above them Gwen saw her opportunity and slowly made her way down the stairs.

"Yeah, you know, that bloke who is on hunger strike had his breakfast in the end this morning," the guard went on.

"Really?" said Merlin, feeling Gwen behind him. It was his heightened senses that picked up her movement; it caused sweat to trick down the back of his neck. He hoped she wouldn't move too quickly. Gwen was quiet though, swift and silent as she took her chance and swept behind the guard and into the dark corridor. "It's a funny old world, isn't it?" Merlin finished, sensing that she had passed. "Well, best get this to the miserable prat, hadn't I?"

The guard nodded and walked towards the corridor with Merlin. "Yeah, better had... I don't blame him for being miserable though, what with Gwen and everything."

Merlin nodded quietly. "You don't know the half of it..."

They passed the alcove where Merlin had told Gwen to hide. He glanced sideways and saw her in the corner of his eye, standing in the dark quiet and still. Merlin turned to the guard, "Hey shouldn't you get back to the front?" he questioned the guard. "I noticed you were on your own, and you remember what happened last time someone skived off earlier and then left the front unattended."

The last time Merlin spoke about was when one of the guards, left on his own, had fallen asleep on duty allowing for a rescue party to sneak in and rescue a fellow good-sorcerer being held captive. The guard was reprimanded but excused on the grounds that he claimed to have been enchanted with a sleeping charm, which wasn't too far from the truth—Merlin had been the one who cast it.

The guard stopped and sighed. He then fished to the loop of keys around his belt, slipped one of them off and handed it to Merlin. "Go on, I trust you" he said with a daft smile. "I had better wait for my buddy to turn up... just be certain to give back the key as you leave."

Merlin smiled, "I'm hardly going to walk off with them, am I?"

The guard laughed and turned back to go to the front. Merlin watched and waited until the clang of his armour was distant before he crept back to the alcove to retrieve Gwen. He poked his head in and her hand reached out to take his. He smiled and handed her the key. He led her down the day, dimly-lit corridor towards one of the back dungeons. It surprised Gwen that there were no guards on patrol nearby. It was as if someone knew she would turn up and kindly made it easy to gain access to Arthur. But that was ridiculous.

Eventually Merlin stopped just before another cell and looked at her. He carefully stepped forward to the bars and knocked them gently. The metallic clang echoed slightly. Merlin then motioned Gwen forward with the key as the inhabitant muttered, "I told you Merlin I'm not hungry..."

The key clinked in the lock and the door opened. Arthur had his back to the door and was staring up at the barred window. Gwen stepped into the room holding the bowl and sighed, "You really should eat something, you know."

Arthur span around at the sound of her voice. His eyes widened and his expression softened, he was so glad to see her that he blinked twice to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep. Convinced she really stood there before him, he swallowed thickly, only able to say: "Guinevere..."

Merlin closed the gate behind her and stood to one side to give them privacy. Gwen placed the bowl down on the table as Arthur attempted to get to his feet. The constant sitting on a stone floor combined with eating very little made him feel a little faint and dizzy. He wanted to embrace her and kiss her but ended up stumbling forwards from a head rush. Gwen held him and kept him steady.

"You see," she snapped, taking both his hands in hers, "it's because you're not eating."

Gwen rested her fingers gently against Arthur's knuckles. "It doesn't take much energy to just sit here and do nothing," he muttered back, soothed by the basic touch. He had been longing for it the whole time. "I thought about you all last night, and this morning, and this afternoon..."

"I thought about you all day too," she whispered back, and continued to brush his knuckles with the tips of her fingers.

Gwen watched the movement of her own hand and Arthur watched her watching herself. Then their eyes met again, speaking volumes over anything they could have said. In that look alone they said 'I miss you', 'I hate this' and 'I love you' with more ease and honestly than it could ever have sounded aloud.

"I never stop thinking about you," Gwen finally continued sorrowfully. "I think of you stuck here because of me _and it drives me mad_..."

"It's not because of you--!" Arthur protested, but he was silenced as Gwen reached up her hand to touch his cheek, and then brush her hand through his hair. It completely struck him dumb and he stood with his eyes closed, indulging in the caress.

"Arthur," she began, her voice now controlled and calm. She continued to brush her hand against Arthur temple as she spoke, as if attempting to soothe the blow of what she was about to say. It was going to be as hard to say as it would be to hear. "Arthur..." she said again, "tell your father you will agree to marry Elaine."

Arthur's eyes shot open. "_What?_"

"Hear me out," Gwen said quickly, knowing that he would argue against this. She continued to stroke his temple and cheek as she spoke, "Your father is determined to see you marry Elaine. I can't stand you being in here any longer than you have to..."

"He can't keep me in here forever--!"

"Please!" she said firmly, clutching her eyes shut as the words were like ash in her mouth too. "This whole thing frightens me—I fear that you will make an enemy of your whole family if you refuse Elaine, not just your father. I'm frightened that when you go off to fight this terrible war you will be at more risk if you are not married to Elaine..." she stopped and swallowed, "Moreover your aunt is a very powerful woman. You've mustn't make her an enemy."

Arthur swallowed his anger and tried to speak calmly like she was. It was very hard. "We've been through this," he muttered quietly. "It would solve nothing in the long-run. It is only valid until the end of the war _and then what_? I'd be stuck with a wife I do not love and can't get rid of."

"She can give you an heir," Gwen said with a hint of bitterness, but she masked it very well.

"_Any_ woman could give me an heir," Arthur retorted. He gritted his teeth and shook his head, "But Elaine won't—believe me."

Gwen shook her head. "You say that now but you will."

"I won't," he said honestly, rather surprised by his feelings of certainty when he said it. "I won't be able to because... because the whole time I'd just be thinking of you. That would stop me. It's another one of the things you've changed about me. Before you I'd have done it easily but now... I don't want any woman if she isn't you."

"You'll do it because you _have_ to."

"I don't and I won't," Arthur retorted, and there ended the subject. He had decided a long time ago that refusing to consummate a marriage to Elaine was the only real control he had on the situation. "You have always wanted me to serve Camelot in the best way possible—I can only do that," he pulled her closer towards him with his hands, "if I have someone who keeps me honest."

Gwen made a small smile and looked down. She knew he meant her, it was obvious. But she still felt the need to be realistic. "A prince needs a noblewoman for a consort, not a maidservant."

"Guinevere, _we've been through this_—"

She tightened her grasp on his hands and smiled affectionately. "I know. But that doesn't change the way people look at me. The people of court and your father will never take me seriously."

"To hell with them," Arthur grunted, moving away from Gwen and throwing his hands in the air. He scratched the back of his head vigorously and stood in silence for a while. Gwen felt her assuring smile fade. He turned around, "It is not fair to ask this of me."

"I never ask anything of you," Gwen replied firmly but quietly. "But you and I both know that we can't postpone fate forever. If it's not Elaine, it'll be another princess. Your father wants you to marry, and he won't let it go."

"The war will distract him long enough..." Arthur muttered under his breath. He scratched the side of his nose then rubbed his eyes. "I'm hoping if I resist long enough he'll have to send me away to fight before he can force me into this ridiculous match..." He stepped forward again, "You need to understand that I see this as a test. I have to fight for us, not give in and obey my father. Fighting is all I know, so that's what I'll do."

He took Gwen hands again. She fought to keep her composure but it was starting to fail. She sniffed and looked down helplessly, tightening her own hold on his hands. It wasn't long before they fell into an embrace, comforting each other in the turmoil over their love.

"I love you," she whispered.

They broke away from their embrace and looked at each other, finally able to smile again. Then Gwen freed one of the hands that Arthur was still holding and reached into her pocket. He watched and smiled when she pulled out the small silver fairy statue.

"Carrying it around now, are you?" Arthur joked.

Gwen just smiled and opened his palm to place it in his hand. She then closed it over the silver fairy by clutching it in her two hands. She looked up into his eyes, her smile widening, "I want you to have it."

Arthur's eyes widened. He looked at the statue made of precious metal, still warm from her pocket. It was like there was a rope tied from his heart to the fairy. He shook his head, "I couldn't possibly take this. I was there when Cador gave to you; he got me to give it to you..."

"And now I've giving back to you," she replied simply. "I used to treasure this fairy more than anything. It was my most prized possession. It reminded me of my mother, my father, of Cador's kindness... but ever since we became lovers I was able to forget all those past things and look forward. I don't need it anymore."

The prince held his hand out, "I still can't take it. It is still important to you deep down."

"Yes," Gwen admitted with a shake of her head. She reached her cheek to touch his face again as she had before. "But I don't need it... I want you to have it so you have something of mine that is important to me, so that you remember that you are more important to me than anything."

Arthur smiled, reaching up to hold her hand still on his cheek. "I don't need reminding of that."

"Then take it anyway," she told him, "for luck."

Arthur held the silver fairy tight in his hand before he carefully placed it in his own pocket. He thought now that he had it he would never let it go and would always keep it with him. "I will take it," he told her softly, "But one day I will give it back to you. When all of this is sorted, when this is all over, when we can be together... I will give it back."

"When that day comes," Gwen said melodiously, almost seductively, "neither of us will need it anymore."

And she leant forward and kissed him. It was the kiss they had both been waiting for from the moment she had walked through the cell down. They threw their arms around each other again and held each other fast as their mouths remained locked and passionate against each other. More than ever it fuelled Arthur's desire to resist the marriage with Elaine at all cost, and it enabled Guinevere to forget she ever asked him to in the first place. The truth was that she knew he would never agree to it, but she felt she had to ask one more time. And she probably would have hated it even more if he had agreed to her favour.

They barely heard Merlin when he rushed to the bars and called in: "Arthur, Gwen! The guard will be coming soon, we have to go!"

Gwen had to tear herself away from him, her arms, body and lips desperate to stay close to him. She didn't care if she was caught by the guard—it would be worth it. But Arthur eventually let her god, not wanting to put her at risk.

"Go," he told her, "I'll be fine."

Gwen nodded slowly as she gradually backed out of the door as Merlin opened and closed it. "Eat your food," she whispered with a faint smile, which Arthur reciprocated, "Yes _darling_."

She kept her eyes on him as long as possible before she and Merlin made their way back up the dimly-lit corridor. Their footsteps disappeared from ear-shot and they were gone.

Arthur felt more alone than he had been before Gwen came to see him. Her coming to see him reminded him of what he was missing being locked away from her. He slowly made his way over to the table and picked up the food he would have quite happily refused again. But Gwen had told him to eat it, so he would. As he slumped down to the floor again with it, he touched his fingers to his lips again and sighed, "I love you."

-

The evening seemed to wear on very slow for Gwen after seeing Arthur. She sat with Morgana in her chambers and they spoke about how the 'reunion' went. It had been more emotional that Gwen thought it would be. She thought she would merely be upset by Arthur's imprisonment, but the sight of him already weakened from loss of appetite and stubbornness in his love for her after just one day had hit a nerve. She felt a little angry at Arthur as his weakened state was self-inflicted; he wasn't eating properly, but she understood why he was behaving the way he was, and that just intensified her love for him.

After another hour had past when there was a knock at the door. Morgana rushed to the door, sensing the familiar presence. It was Merlin, as she suspected. He stepped into the room and nodded to Gwen, "Are you okay?"

Gwen nodded modestly, "I'm fine, really."

Merlin smiled, and stepped forward to address her. "I thought you'd like to know that I've just come from seeing Arthur again, to collect his bowl and everything. He said he was glad to see you and to thank you for your 'present'."

A warm smile crossed Gwen's face. "I hope he listened to me about the food," she said thoughtfully.

Merlin smiled, "I think you're the only person he does_ always_ listen to. He ate the lot and didn't leave a single bite."

Gwen's heart fluttered as she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad. I was worried he'd make himself ill..."

He nodded, too guilty to admit that Arthur was not actually the first thing on his mind at the moment. Especially when he was probably all Gwen could think about. He turned to Morgana. "Gaius needs to talk to us both about this sleeping draught and was wondering if you could come now...?"

Morgana wasn't keen on leaving Gwen but the young maid shook her head and smiled, "This is important—you go and I'll finish my work. It'll be done by the time you get back."

Reluctantly Morgana agreed and walked with Merlin towards Gaius's chambers. They barely spoke on the way or even dared to look at each other. They were cautious of the courtiers around them. It was because of Arthur and Gwen they were in the spotlight but it still unnerved them. Merlin kept hearing Gaius's voice at the back of his head saying _'Arthur and Gwen were caught—you can't keep something like this secret.'_ He wasn't sure what frightened him more; people finding out that they practised magic or suspecting they were lovers. Ironically it was probably the latter, more so because they were both innocent of it.

Morgana dared not think about Merlin at all. She was embarrassed about him detecting even an innocent thought about her feelings for him. The easiest thing would be to put sometimes distance between them but she knew she would never find the strength to do that. It was part of their connection and she clung to it as if it was her only grip on reality. She didn't want to be lonely. She sometimes thought she'd rather die than go back to the days when she was alone in her magic.

As they were finally in sight of Gaius's chambers Morgana spoke up. "What exactly will this potion do?"

"I think that's why Gaius wants to talk to both of us about it," Merlin replied.

The pair of them walked in to find Gaius sitting at his work bench, deep in thought. They were not to know what was plaguing him. When he saw them he was very tempted to tell them both the truth but he knew it would cause more damage that good. If Morgana found out the truth she would immediately confront Uther with it and Merlin would warn Gwen.

He took note of them, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind. "Ah, Morgana, I'm glad you got here so quickly..."

She shook her head. "It's fine. Merlin said that you are going to give us both the strong sleeping draught tonight..."

Gaius swallowed and looked down. "Yes..."

"Are you alright?"

He looked up again, "I'm fine."

Merlin was weary of Gaius's behaviour but chose not to dwell on it. He picked up the two bottles from the bench. "These are the ones with the draught in it, are they?"

"Oh, yes," Gaius said coming out of his daze. He knew he had to get a grip or Merlin and Morgana would suspect something was wrong, putting them all at risk. He took one of the bottles from Merlin's hands. "This draught should send both of you into an instant deep sleep as soon as you take it."

Morgana's eye brow rose. "So it's not so much a remedy rather a drug?"

"It's the only thing powerful enough to keep you both asleep the whole night," Gaius explained, showing her the bottle of yellow liquid. "If your dreams amount to nothing..." he turned to Merlin, "then you should both sleep through the night without having a dream."

Morgana scoffed, "I've heard that before."

"And if it isn't just an ordinary seer dream or memory?" Merlin asked. "What if it is the 'collective scream' you told us about?"

There was a brief moment of silence as Gaius inclined his head. "Then you will have the dream."

"And we won't be able to wake up?" Morgana finished. Her fears were being realised, she would be trapped in a nightmare for the whole night with no hope of awakening. She folded her arms defiantly, "Wonderful. It's bad enough waking up in the middle of the night screaming..."

Merlin offered her a reassuring smile. "You have overcome all draughts before and my magic to see your visions and chances are this drug will barely affect you too. It's me you should be worried about."

Morgana couldn't help smiling.

The young warlock turned back to his mentor. "Are you sure it's safe for me to take given that I'm not used to sleeping draughts?"

Gaius nodded, "It's perfectly safe. In fact I'd say that you will probably sleep through the night easier for it. You'll be out like a lamp." The old man turned back to Morgana, still with her arms folded. He approached her carefully. "I hope it will have the same effect for you too, I know what you're like with sleeping draughts..."

She shrugged, "Even if it doesn't it won't make any difference to me. I'll still probably have a nightmare."

"If you don't want to take the draught you don't have to," the old man said looking between his two young friends. In many ways he hoped that they would hesitate enough for him to justify not giving it to them. "You must be absolutely sure before you take this."

Merlin chuckled, "You make it sound as if we're taking poison!"

Gaius shot Merlin a serious look. "If this is the collective scream both of you will see the whole of the dream—and there is no escaping it. You might uncover things it is best not to know," he looked back at Morgana. "You both need to be certain. If you have the slightest doubt or anxiety about this, it's best not to take it."

There was a long moment of contemplation as Morgana stared at the bottle. In the end she took it from his hand and nodded. "I have already decided that I am going to take this and I will," she then glanced at Merlin. "If this dream we are having is important it is best we see the whole thing, regardless of how terrible the message is."

"She's right," Merlin agreed, looking down at his own bottle. "We can't help or prevent anything if we don't know."

Gaius nodded slowly. He should have known that Morgana's stubbornness and Merlin's will would convince them that taking the potion was the best thing to do. Once again he had to fight the urge to tell them what was going to happen later that tonight. But he still knew he couldn't. It was the worst thing he could do. It was best to put them both out of harm's way, like Uther had done with Arthur.

Morgana took the top off the bottle to sniff the contents. It smelt very unpleasant. "Don't drink it now," Gaius said firmly. "You must be in bed when you take it. Remember that."

"I'm just sniffing," she said, rubbing her wrinkled nose. "It doesn't look or smell very nice."

"We aren't drinking it for pleasure," Merlin chuckled.

"It may not look pleasant but it does the trick," Gaius told them, his voice still low and serious. He briefly contemplated what their reactions would be in the morning and forced that unpleasant thought out of his mind. "I once gave it to Arthur," the old man admitted, as if hoping the pair of them would guess, "and he went out within twenty seconds... so make sure both of you are in bed when you take this."

They both inadvertently blushed at the way Gaius had phrased his last sentence, something that did not escape Gaius's notice. He felt another tinge of dread. Merlin quickly tried to regain his composure by offering another one of his cheeky, youthful smiles. "Well you can remind me before I go to bed, can't you," he said. There was another painful silence as it became clear to that Gaius had warned all he could tonight. Merlin rubbed his hands together and smiled. "It seems we've got all we can out this," he said, upbeat. He walked towards Morgana, gently tapping her forearm, "I'll walk to back to your chambers."

Morgana smiled, clutching the bottle between her hands. "Thank you, Merlin."

Gaius felt unnerved as he watched the exchange. Every time he saw them together he remembered what the dragon had warned about Merlin getting too close to Morgana. He looked out for signs that they were getting closer, which they were. Then he looked out for signs that they were _closer than they should be_, which they always had been.

"I'll see you later," Merlin said, turning as he and Morgana made their way towards the door.

"Come straight back," he ordered. "I want you both to be settled around the same time tonight." Merlin nodded. Gaius called out again, "And Morgana?"

She turned, "Yes Gaius?"

He swallowed, trying to hide his inner guilt while secretly wishing they would figure out. He knew he was too old to be frightened by the reaction of two 'youngsters' but he could not shake away the shame he felt. He forced a smile, "Ask Gwen to stay with you until I come to check on you. I'll be there after Merlin is asleep. You should be too when I get there."

She nodded, "Of course. Goodnight."

The door closed and they were gone. Once they were clear of Gaius's chambers they began to reflect on his odd behaviour. Merlin wasn't the only one who had noticed he seemed bothered about something.

"Gaius seems to know what he's talking about."

Merlin looked at Morgana. "I guess so..." he then reflected a moment before he went on. "Did you think that he's worried about something?"

Morgana smiled, "Gaius _always_ looks worried about something."

He grinned, "I think he always gets nervous around us."

"I get the impression that he doesn't like us spending so much time together," she added, her tone less optimistic. She noticed Merlin's cheeks and ears go red. "Is my impression correct?"

Merlin glanced at her, "He's just worried about Uther I think."

"Or maybe he's worried I'll lead you astray?" she suggested, a smile sneaking across her face again. He went even redder. "In my experience you don't follow anyone's lead, do you Merlin?"

He chuckled nervously. "I have to follow Arthur quite a lot, my lady..."

"But you always find your own way," Morgana pointed out. "I think one day you might even be the one telling Arthur which way he should go."

"I wish that day would come soon," he muttered. "I often this if we did things my way we'd get things done quicker..."

They both chuckled and continued walking in silence. The question of the dream began to rear its ugly head again. Morgana didn't know whether it was the fact she was taking this potion tonight of something else but she had a feeling something was going to wrong.

"Merlin," she said, breaking the hush, "do you ever... get that feeling where you know something bad is going to happen?"

"All the time," he chuckled. "Remember I have Arthur as my master; if I didn't feel something bad was going to happen constantly he'd probably be dead."

"No I mean," she stopped in her tracks causing him to halt too. "I mean _right now_... do you have the feeling something bad is going to happen? Like, a sickly feeling in the pit of your stomach that you know means trouble?"

Merlin placed his hand on his stomach. "I suppose, but I think I'm just nervous about taking this potion, about what I'll see in the dream..."

"There's a chance you won't see anything," Morgana said.

"We both know I will," he told her firmly. "Gaius is just giving us this in the hope we might be wrong... but it is the collective echo or scream or whatever it's called. We need to find out what it's telling us."

Morgana nodded and they walked on. They fell silent as the knights on patrol walked past them. The night bell bonged in the distance as all the palace guards went on patrol with the city guard while the younger knights began their patrol of the castle. Patrolling the wing of the castle Morgana resided were Percival, Lamorak and Kay. Everyone knew that Kay wanted to be in her section of the palace as it was where Lady Bedivere and her two sons young Bedivere and Lucas also lived. If they were in any danger he wanted to be first on the scene. It had become clear that Kay was in love with Lady Bedivere and everyone expected they would marry after Christmas when her husband's mourning days were over. Both the lady and Kay had been close to Bedivere and loved him dearly. Kay had promised to look after his two boys should anything happen to him, and now he would do that by making them his stepsons.

"Who'd have thought Arthur's plan would work?" Merlin remarked once they reached the stairs up to Morgana's chambers. "Who'd have thought Uther would even consider his idea?"

"I think Gwen must have inspired him," Morgana pointed out as she ascended the stairs. He did not follow; he promised Gaius he would return home after seeing her back. She turned and smiled, "I really do hope that Ector agrees to let Kay marry Lady Bedivere."

"Me too," Merlin agreed, "Else we're likely to see Kay and – if he ever gets out of the dungeons – Arthur, stumbling out of the tavern, drunk and singing tragic love songs..." She laughed at the mental image. He sighed, "My love life is pretty tragic too so I might join them."

Morgana bit her lip as she reached the top of the stairs before she swung around, grinning. "It's not _so_ tragic... you've got me, remember?"

Merlin's eyes widened and his cheeks reddened again as he shot a look in Morgana's direction. But she was gone, fleeing into her room without even saying goodbye. He was tempted to follow her but decided he'd rather not. Turning away from the foot of the stairs he decided to take the shortcut across the courtyard home. He didn't want Gaius to think he was dawdling.

From her window Morgana watched as Merlin made his way home. She wished she hadn't said what she did and then rushed away. She could have treated it as if it were a joke, a friendly gesture that when loved failed they were always going to be a magical duo. But when the words came out it didn't feel like a joke.

She was startled when Gwen placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry," the young maid said, backing away in surprise herself. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

Morgana gasped a sigh of relief and smiled. "No, not at all... I'm just a little jumpy," and she looked down at the potion she still clutched in her hands. "Gaius said that I should take this immediately so I think I shall go to bed now."

Gwen nodded her head but said nothing. Instead she helped her lady get ready for bed without a word. It was strange but Morgana felt wrong in letting Gwen help her and serve her. The entire thing felt wrong somehow and she wasn't sure why. Gwen had become her principle handmaiden since she was twelve and Morgana was fifteen, and even before that she had been one of the many little servant girls that served in her wing of the castle. Gwen had always been of noble character even as a little girl. Morgana was the first to admit she had been a rotten and spoiled, nasty and spiteful child who, next to this dignified little maid quite a bit younger than her, might have looked a fright. Thankfully Morgana had grown up but Gwen had always been more than just a servant.

"Would you like me to stay?" Gwen asked once Morgana was under the covers.

"Gaius is coming to check on me once I'm asleep," she explained with a slightly smile. "He asked if you would wait until he comes."

Gwen smiled, "Of course."

Morgana picked up the sleeping draught and took the lid off the top. She glanced up at Gwen who gave her an amused look, noting the unpleasant look and smell of the liquid. The lady felt like a child being forced to take medicine. She knew it was supposed to knock her out instantly so she glanced up and Gwen, "Good night then."

"Good night, milady" she replied with a bright but tired smile. "I'll just be next door, don't worry."

The young maid walked towards her area next door when Morgana suddenly felt that feeling of dread again that made her call out. "Gwen!" she said frantically, causing her friend to spin around with a look of dread. Morgana then calmed herself, knowing it was unfair to worry Gwen like that. "I'm sorry I just wanted... to say 'goodbye'."

Gwen tilted her head. "I'm only going next door..."

"Yes but I don't say it very often and I just wanted to say it," Morgana said, thinking again of how she had not said goodbye to Merlin. It was silly; she would see him in the morning but she still wished she had said good night or good bye.

Gwen just smiled and nodded. "Good bye, then."

She went into the next room, closing the door quietly behind her and leaving Morgana alone.

Morgana looked down at the bottle in her hands and sighed. Closing her eyes and trying to keep the liquid from settling on her tongue she swallowed the whole lot in three quick gulps. The taste had been as horrible as she had expected and left her with an unpleasant aftertaste. But she didn't have too long to think about it. She immediately began to feel sleepy. She settled her head against her pillow and felt her eyelids become heavy and the canopy above her head become faded.

She was asleep in less than twenty seconds, just as Gaius had promised.

-

Arthur was losing track of the hours locked up in the small dungeon.

He determined the time by the times the guard patrolled by his cell. Years of being head of the army of Camelot meant he had the times memorised. They went by this leg of the dungeons every half hour, which told him it was either around twenty past or ten to the hour. Then at nine the guards went on patrol in the lower town and the knights went on patrol duty around the castle. It was Sir Pellas and Sir Leon on duty in the dungeons tonight. They had been ordered by the king not to speak to Arthur, which didn't bother him as he had no desire to speak to them.

It seemed so long since that council meeting when he had suggested putting the knights on duty in the castle to enable the common guard to patrol the city more thoroughly. He was glad it was a success especially since he had dreamed the whole thing up just a week or so before he proposed it to his father and the councillors.

He had come up with the idea late on midsummer night while shamelessly enjoying the caress of Gwen's hand through his hair while she told him of yet another atrocity in the city caused by a gang of thieves. He had no doubt they were the same robbers that had attacked Gwen that night – _ages_ ago now.

"What if," he had said, barely coherent through the euphoria of their activities, "the guards in the castle were freed up to patrol the lower quarters of the city?"

Gwen had hummed a familiar murmur of approval before she spoke. "Your father would never give up the royal guard for the common folk," she whispered bluntly but truthfully. "He'd be living in a constant state of paranoia, well, _more_ than he already does, I mean. Worry about the security of the citadel."

Arthur had smirked. "What if... I was to put the knights on patrol at night?"

He remembered Gwen's hand still against his scalp. "The knights would never agree, would they?"

"They patrol during the day."

"I think most would rather sleep at night."

"If _I_ can go on patrol with the city guard," Arthur had declared in a put-on superior voice, "Then the knights of Camelot can walk the length of the castle. God's sake, I wouldn't be asking for much! They'd have to do less work than I do."

"You only patrol with the city guards once a week."

"It's one day more than the knights do."

It was hard to get comfortable on the floor. Arthur lay down on the thin mattress of straw as he recalled that night. It was starting to get chilly in the evenings and he felt cold. The only thing that kept his mind off it was thinking about Gwen. It kept his mind off the reason he was in the dungeons too. Just thinking of her face warmed him, and he was thankful that he thought of her constantly. It always brought up wonderfully tense feelings that he could no longer imagine living without.

The only thing that was better than the feeling he got when he thought of her was actually seeing her. For some reason just thinking Guinevere never amounted much to seeing the real thing in front of them. He found he could never quite capture every detail; every smile she made, every tilt of the head, every curl in her hair. The only was he could experience them was to see them, and then to feel them which was the best feeling of them all. He tried to imagine how his fingers felt when he ran them through her hair, crackling like fire and scented of wild flowers. The thought of her lips against his make him feel blissfully content despite memories and thoughts being a small substitute for the real thing...

He clutched the silver fairy as these thoughts whirled through his head. As he felt it he wanted to say her name to himself, under his breath so that the patrolling knights did not catch it on their way around. Guinevere. Guinevere, who would have thought thirteen years ago when Cador told Arthur to hand her that box with the silver fairy inside that one day she would give it back to him as a token of her love. Certainly not them.

As he finally drifted off to sleep he managed to smile. Thinking of Guinevere reminded him that sleeping on the floor of a cell in his father's dungeons was worth it. There were moments when Arthur felt so hyped up and mad with joy over his emotions that he couldn't think of anything he would not do for her. It was only Gwen's down to earth approach to life that reminded Arthur that he was a sensible and rational human being. It was an odd thing; she could make him forget who he was yet at the same time keep him true to the way he was. It made him dread to think what he would be without her—he didn't want to ever find out.

-

The walk between his chambers and Morgana's chambers seemed like the longest trek of Gaius's life. As soon as Merlin came through the door he had made sure he was tucked up in bed before he took the potion. He then watched as the remedy swiftly sent Merlin to sleep. There would be no rousing him until tomorrow morning. With a heavy heart Gaius closed the door behind him and made his way straight towards Morgana's chambers. He was in a rush to meet with the arrangements Uther had made for him.

He had to make this swift and brief.

He stopped outside the door of Morgana's chambers, hesitating for a moment before he gently knocked at the door. He waited just a few seconds before the door opened and he was greeted by Gwen's tired but affectionate smile. It cut him even more.

"Is Morgana asleep?" the old man asked.

"Yes," Gwen said with a nod. "She took the potion you gave her; went out like a light. Is everything alright?" Gaius wavered and that filled Gwen with dread. "Are she and Merlin okay? They both said they've been having nightmares and—"

Gaius raised his hands to silence her. He glanced over Gwen's shoulder to look at the motionless sleeping lady. He was pleased that the draught had the same effect on her as it did on Merlin. He wasn't used to it but after years of taking them some people tend to get immune. Evidently this was not yet the case with Morgana. "This has nothing to do with Merlin and Morgana. They will be fine," Gaius assured her before he swallowed and nodded seriously. "I need to talk to."

She folded her arms, thinking nothing of it, "About what?"

He indicated towards the dimly lit stairs. "Let's go and speak elsewhere," he said hesitantly. "Morgana will be fine."

Gwen did not question him and closed the chamber door to follow him. After a brief walk through the castle halls Gaius led her into a larger, well-lit room that shared linking door with the council rooms. The night sky was completely pitch-black. The windows looked as if the outside had been draped with a navy cloth. There was no light, not even from the moon as it had been eclipsed by the storm clouds that still circled around Camelot. The old man couldn't help feeling that the setting was apt for the task he was undertaking.

Gwen didn't know what to think. She looked around the room, curious to know what Gaius wanted to say here that couldn't be said at the door of Morgana's chambers. It filled her with dread.

"I shall make this brief as the hour is late," Gaius said slowly, closing the door behind them. The look on his face immediately told Gwen that something was terribly wrong. He pointed to a chair, "I think it best if you sit down."

She ignored the chair, too worried to notice where he was pointing and slumped down onto a windowsill. While her eyes were locked on him he could barely look into her eyes; they were so dark and naive of what was to follow. "Is there something wrong Gaius?" she finally asked.

Gaius rubbed his hands anxiously. Uther had briefed him on what he should say; that he should just tell her straight and allow the guards to do the rest. But he had only just begun and could barely get a sentence out. "God, this is hard!" he remarked helplessly. "I'm really too old for this..."

"Maybe you should sit down too?" Gwen suggested.

"I think it best I don't," Gaius replied. He knew he had to tell her. The delay was tormenting them both, and it was cruel to keep her in suspense. He sighed, "Oh dear, Gwen! I wish there was an easier way for me to tell you this..."

"If you have something on your chest it is best to just say it," she told him, quoting the ancient assumption that spitting out your problems would make it easier on people's ears.

"This is not something that I can just say," Gaius said, and looked at her sympathetically. It cut right through her. He hesitated again for a moment as he tried to find the right words. In the end he said the following: "Despite appearances I am not without understanding of your situation. I remember what it is like to be young. I remember what it is like to be in love..."

Gwen smiled at this. It was sometimes hard to imagine Gaius ever being young since he had always been old in her eyes. He was someone she looked up to, which made it even harder to imagine him as a youth. She sometimes forgot that in being so much older he had therefore lived so much more. It especially embarrassed her given the nature of her relationship with Arthur.

Gaius went on, stating the obvious, "You love Arthur, don't you?"

"Yes," Gwen said, her smile instinctively widening. She could have gone to great lengths to explain how and why she loved him but that would have embarrassed Gaius more. So, she simply said, "I know he's not the easiest man to love... but I love him. Despite everything..."

Gaius nodded his head. "Many people would try to change him..."

"He doesn't need to be changed," Gwen said enthusiastically, drifting into thoughts of her wonderful, handsome and terribly faulted sweetheart. "He realises how he can be sometimes and strives to be better, and in doing so brings out the man he was always was inside. He's still a bit haughty but I don't mind. He wouldn't be the man I love if he didn't have those faults..."

Her words caused a grasping pain in Gaius's chest. He lowered his head, "As I say... you clearly love him _very much_."

Gwen brushed her cheeks that were glowing from the smile plastered across her face. "Yes, I do."

"And he loves you," Gaius stated, that too being obvious. It was shockingly obvious, more obvious than Arthur had ever been about anything. It was as Uther said, like madness...

But then Gaius remembered what Arthur had said to him in a weak and slightly drunken state that evening on May Day, ages ago now. He had said that up until that point life had been like a dream and he had only awoken upon realising that he was in love with _Guinevere_. If Merlin been conscious Arthur probably would have confided it to him. But it was Gaius that learnt this distressing secret in that moment when the prince had felt vulnerable.

It was not madness, it was _clarity_. It was the first time Arthur had ever felt certain about anything in his life. And now that clarity was to be fogged once again...

"He loves you _very much_," Gaius continued after a brief moment of reflection. "He has displayed his love to you, to the court and even to the king."

Gwen's smile faded slightly. It was the nagging feeling of dread that killed her beam. "Yes he has," she then paused before saying, "Just say what it is you want, Gaius."

The old man swallowed. "Believe me when I say the king is _not_ unsympathetic to your situation. You and Arthur... your love for each other is a wonderful thing that the two of you, (despite what is said by jealous courtiers), conduct in an admirable and honest manner. If only it were under different circumstances, a different time..."

Gwen looked down, "You speak of the conflict in Rheged?"

Gaius nodded, "I'm sure you know of the troubles being experienced across Albion."

"I do."

"And, like Arthur, you were born here in Camelot," the old man added, trying to cushion the words that were to follow as much as possible. "You know that Dumnonia is a moderately sized kingdom but difficult to keep secure..."

Gwen knew that Dumnonia was bordered by two sea fronts and two lands fronts; to the north and south were the Cymric and Lesser Alba crossings. Then to the east lay the minor kingdoms of several wayward barons, and to the west was Cornwall. Gwen also knew that Cador, someone her father had known well during her childhood, was on bad terms with Uther and, rather than being an enemy, simply shut him out and ignored Camelot's actions. When Gorlois was still alive there had been hope that one day the lands of Dumnonia and Cornwall would become one kingdom again as it had been a century ago, but there was no chance of that now.

"I understand that Camelot is at risk but no more I think than other moderately sized kingdoms," Gwen replied intelligently, "Unlike poor Elmet, which is surrounded by land."

"I'm surprised you know about the problems in Elmet."

"Arthur told me."

Gaius tilted his head, "Arthur tells you about the issues in Albion?"

"I listen to anything he has to say," Gwen replied with a faint smile. "I like listening to him no matter how dull it is. Truth is he finds council meetings very boring, and he often talks with me on ways things could be improved..." she then stopped, realising she was taking Gaius away from his point. "I'm sorry you were talking about the kingdom..."

Gaius couldn't help feeling such overwhelming admiration for Gwen in that moment. In many ways she spoke like a queen-in-waiting, conversing intelligently about issues and ideas that Arthur had told her about. It made what followed all the harder to say.

"Yes," he said, getting back on track. "You know about these things. Arthur has told you. Therefore you will understand why Uther feels it crucial to make a strong alliance with the more powerful king in the north."

"But he already has an alliance, hasn't he?" Gwen pointed out, a factor she had never been able to understand. "With King Lot, I mean. He is married to Arthur's aunt Queen Anna—surely _that_ is a suitable alliance?"

Gaius sighed, "Uther fears what may happen if Anna were to die; Lot is a great king but a wayward ally."

"But the likelihood of Lot outliving Anna is very slim," Gwen pointed out. "Anna is twelve years younger than her husband and he is always at battle."

"You are well informed," the old man said, chuckling nervously, "is there anything Arthur hasn't told you?"

Gwen smiled. "I just listen to whatever is on his mind, and this issue has dominated a lot of our conversations... for _obvious_ reasons."

That drove the stake in deeper again. "What you say about Anna is true," he agreed. "I'm sure Uther has considered that... but he fears for the _next_ generation too, for Arthur's reign parallel to Gawain's."

"Arthur loves Gawain," she replied. "And Gawain loves Arthur; they would never do anything to hurt one another's interests. They would never fight against each other in battle."

"Blood brothers have met, fought and killed each other for less than their kingdoms in battle," Gaius told her, remembering a few cases in his mind. "Ambition can drive a man and make him forget his even siblings let alone his cousins."

"Then why does Uther believe marrying Arthur to Elaine will maintain the Orcadian alliance into the next generation?" Gwen questioned, still managing to smile despite the dread that was still hanging over her.

Gaius, at that point, was stumped. Uther had not answered that question or even brought it up. He could not think of the answer to that question by himself either. He actually agreed with Gwen that marrying Arthur to Elaine seemed like a wasted bargaining chip. In the end it really routed to the fact that Elaine was a princess, Arthur's cousin and a born of a (very) fertile mother. The politics were no different than that of any other match. Uther could probably have picked any princess for Arthur but, no—he had decided upon Elaine.

Gwen sighed, "Gaius you clearly have something you need to tell me and all I am doing is distracting you. I think you should say your piece."

Gaius swallowed. "The more you talk, the harder saying my piece becomes..."

"Then I shall say no more," Gwen promised.

And she sat quietly until Gaius had said what he needed to say. "Regardless of all of these smaller issues and personal prejudices it has _always_ been the practise for royal princes to marry princesses of the blood. It is essential to maintain kingdoms and strengthen family bonds, even if it seems to the average person to benefit little."

He waited for Gwen to speak again but she kept to her word and remained silent. Gwen knew that princes married princesses and had no comment on it. Gaius was forced to continue and watch as it began to dawn on Gwen where this was leading.

"Arthur must marry with a princess or noblewoman of family who can _aid_ the kingdom," he paused again, hesitated, and then went on. "Even if Arthur doesn't marry Elaine then it shall be some other princess. I suppose at the back of it all the politics Uther wishes Arthur to marry someone he is at least already fond of even if he does not love her as much as he loves you, even if he can _never_ love her as much as he loves you..."

Gaius stopped again; he could see tears slowly start to well up in Gwen's eyes. She knew for certain where this was going now although her face remained still and neutral. It didn't make Gaius's task easier.

"But," he went on, swallowing hard, "it seems that Arthur has made it clear that he will not agree to the engagement with Elaine, not as long as you are... here. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Gwen closed her eyes, the tears that had gathered around her lids sweeping down her cheeks as she did. She did not speak but nodded slowly.

"Therefore, with great reluctance, I have been ordered by the king to inform you that henceforth you are no longer a servant here in the palace. You shall be removed from court, away from Arthur," Gaius finished.

As the old man finished Gwen ignored her stray tears and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat during her silence. "But he wouldn't give up on me—he would search for me. He would search and find me, I know he would."

The old man looked down, unable to look at her for shame. "The king acknowledges that, which is why he has arranged with the aid of Queen Anna for you to be taken from here tonight to a place of secret exile... beyond the kingdom's borders."

The young woman turned away and tried to soothe her tears. She couldn't stop her tears no matter how hard she tried. It had occurred to her that she would be removed from court but—_exile_ beyond the borders of the kingdom? It seemed that Uther and the wily Orcadian queen had thought of everything. In one swoop Uther was taking away everything she had ever known, everything she had. He was taking not only Arthur but Merlin, Morgana, her home, her job... _her very identity_.

Gaius sat in silence until he could no longer bear Gwen's tears any longer, yet he was too ashamed to dare trying to comfort her. In the end all he could say was, "I am so sorry, Gwen."

She took another moment to try and compose her face. Although she still failed to stop her tears she somehow managed to force a smile and turn to face Gaius again. She didn't want him to think she blamed him and rested her hand on his. "It is fine, Gaius. You were doing as you were instructed. It can't have been easy. You have always been as a second father to me so I'm glad it was you who told me even though it hurt you to do so."

Gaius closed his eyes; her attempt of keeping a brave face shamed him even more. All he could think now was whether he could have done something to prevent this. But it was too late now.

"Erm," Gwen said, her voice cracking slightly from her tears. "When will I have to leave?"

"Very soon," Gaius replied. "The order was that you leave immediately. The guards will accompany you as far as the kingdom's borders. Then you will meet the neighbouring kingdom's guards..."

The doors opened and a band of armed guards strode into the room as they had been cued. It was very possible that they had. They had been secretly kept back from their duties in town to carry out this vital task. It would never have done to ask the knights to take Gwen from Camelot. They were in a position to tell Arthur where she was taken to.

The bang of the door and the clang of their armour made Gwen jump. In her weakened state of sorrow she was hypersensitive to the smallest of sounds. She turned back to Gaius, and forced her ironic smile. "It's a good job I have my cloak on, isn't it?"

She got to her feet and stood before the guards. They also seemed ashamed at the task they now had to carry out. She offered them her brave smile. That upset them even more. Gwen had been very popular with the people of Camelot, including the king's guards. Even before her relationship with Arthur became public knowledge she had been well-known by the people in the lower quarters and well thought of by the palace servants. It wasn't just Gwen's tears that moved them but the knowledge that when Arthur realised what had happened his heart would break. It was like the death of a dream.

Gwen turned back to Gaius. "Am I not allowed to say goodbye to anyone?"

Gaius shook his head once, "No one must know you are leaving lest they follow and discover your whereabouts. These guards have been sworn to secrecy."

"Was it on penalty of death?" Gwen asked, knowing this was probably the wager. She turned to look at the guards again before turning back to Gaius. She walked towards him slowly, her cheeks still wet with stay tears that just kept falling. "When you see them," she told Gaius, "will you tell Merlin and Morgana that I said goodbye? I'd hate to leave without at least them knowing that."

Gaius swallowed hard again, close to crying himself but not allowing himself to do so. "I'll tell them that don't worry..."

"And," she said quickly, more tears flowing from her eyes though her face remained as brave as she could maintain it to be. "And tell them to look after Arthur. Tell him that I..." she stopped, bit her tear-salted lips and smiled, "Oh, he knows. Just remind him for me..."

"I shall," Gaius promised.

Gwen nodded as the guards gathered around her, encircling her and unnerving her. She started to feel panicked. She barely had time to think about and consider what was happening to her. It was just minutes ago that she was told she would be exiled to God-knew-where and now, here she was, about to be ushered out of Camelot and out of her life...

"G-Gaius," she said quickly, realising there was one more thing that she missed. He stepped forward and the guards stepped aside to enable him to walk up to her. Gwen took his hands; she was shaking with fear and nerves. "Gaius, may I make one small request? It is not much and I hope the king won't mind..."

"What is it Gwen?"

She looked up into his eyes, "Can I take Fach with me?"

That cut Gaius more than anything so far. Gwen had made it sound like her request was unreasonable but it was something so sweet and minor. "I shall ask the king before you leave."

Gwen looked down, not at all hopeful that her request would be granted. The guards then began to gather around her again, swallowing her in their huddle. Gaius was forced to let go of her hands as they quickly began to usher her out of the room. The door opened again and one of the guards turned to Gwen, asking her softly (and guiltily) to pull her hood up over her face so no one could see her. There was one last look that passed between the old man and the young maid as she hid her face under her hood. Then the doors were closed and she was gone.

It all happened so quickly that it took a moment for Gaius to gather himself. Once he did he forced himself to swallow the sad tears he felt like crying. He made a sharp sigh and without turning declared, "It is done, sire."

The door at the rear of the hall opened and Uther stepped in. He had been listening. When Gaius turned he was surprised to see the look on the king's face. He looked _ashamed_. Gaius knew he was there all along but he did not think that Uther would have been affected by anything Gwen said. He had been resolved to remove Gwen from Arthur's life and had succeeded. He should have been pleased.

"Sire, in regards to her pet dog..."

Uther raised his hand to silence him. "She may take the dog with her."

Gaius nodded, "I am grateful, sire. If you will pardon me for saying so, it will bring her some comfort."

Uther nodded to a lingering guard who had been waiting for the order from the king. "Fetch the dog from the girl's house and give it to her when she's safely outside the city."

Once the guard was gone Uther walked over to the window where the travelling party was already waiting for Guinevere. He had intended to ship Gwen off with nothing but the clothes she wore on her back. That much he could tell Gwen had gathered. But it was the look in her eyes, the sorrow at losing everything and the clear love she had for that silly little puppy that melted him enough to say to agree.

"It had to be done, Gaius" the king stated.

The old man nodded, unconvinced: "Of course, sire."

"Arthur," Uther went on, as if he was trying to convince himself rather than guy, "he would never have been able to think straight while she was here. Now she is gone..."

Gaius said nothing; there was nothing to say.

"I have been promised that the girl will be well provided for," Uther added quickly. "She will live comfortably. I only hope that she will remain silent."

Uther watched as the guards appeared down in the courtyard, all gathered around the girl who was barely visible under her cloak. The guard then helped her onto horse back while they all climbed onto horses themselves. As she waited for them she looked up at the castle, eyes scanning the walls until it settled on the brightly lit window Uther stood in. He quickly moved away in case she saw him. Stepping away from the window he didn't know what to say. The deed was done. What was there to say? Should he say 'Good' or 'Thank you'? Or should he say nothing and just stand in silence until Gaius said something he could answer to? He didn't know, and he hated not knowing.

He slipped into his chair. "You mustn't tell anyone where she has gone. I don't want Arthur to find out where she is."

Gaius sighed, "Of course not, sire. I will tell no one."

Uther nodded and called more guards from outside the room via the main door. They filed in and stood in silence awaiting orders.

"Go to the girl's house. I wish that everything of value be brought here to the palace," the king commanded. "Place them in storage, lock the door and bring _me_ the key. I wish anything else in the house to remain as it is. If I hear anything about looting, I'll have your hands chopped off as thieves."

The guards glanced at each other, trying not to twitch or move a muscle. The robbers among them didn't want to reveal their true natures and the tattletales didn't want to reveal themselves to the crooks lest they have _their_ hands chopped off.

"Once that is done make sure that the house is bordered up and that no one can gain access to it," Uther continued, linking his fingers together. He was curious to know if the maid had had anything valuable in her house. She had to have some money even if it was just her savings. The last thing anyone wanted was for it to be stolen. "That will be all for now."

The guards marched off carry out the orders as the servant George returned from seeing Guinevere off. He gave Gaius a respectful nod before he bowed to the king, "Sire, the girl has left."

"Yes, I know" Uther replied in monotone. He moved his hands away from his face and straightened his back. "Give order that Prince Arthur is to be released from the cells tomorrow morning."

George bowed his head. "Of course, sire."

The servant withdrew from the room, leaving Uther and Gaius alone once again. They stood in silence and tried to take in what they had just done, what had just happened. Gwen was gone. It still hadn't quite sunk in for Gaius despite the fact that he had helped to carry it out. Gwen was_ gone_. He didn't know whether he felt guilty or whether he was glad it was just an exile. God knew that Uther could have done much worse. He dreaded not only Arthur's reaction but also that of Merlin and Morgana. _Guinevere was gone_.

"Do you think it was the right decision?" Uther suddenly said.

Gaius looked over at the king. "It was an _understandable_ decision, sire."

"But was it right?" Uther grunted.

Gaius rarely found the courage to be honest with Uther but he was asking for it now. "Even if it was the wrong decision," the old man replied, "it's too late now."

Uther was annoyed by his honesty. He did not want to believe that he felt guilty for his actions. To think that he was wrong or that Guinevere's plight had touched him was weakness. The king inside him wanted to believe she was playing for sympathy rather than being sincere. But she _was_ sincere. Everything she said was intelligent and noble, worthy of any royalty. There was even a moment when Uther saw a spark of Igraine in her. That was the hardest thing of all for him to admit.

The truth was clear to Uther now; this girl loved Arthur just as much as he loved her. And it was clear that Arthur was _mad_ about this girl. They loved each other in a way Uther barely understood anymore.

"Will Arthur see why I did this?" he then added.

"He _may_ eventually come to see that you did it for what _you_ believed to be the right reasons, sire." He was hesitant about his choice of words from fear of offending Uther. Gaius hated it when Uther slipped into one of these moods; he was never sure whether he was fishing for compliments or looking for an honest opinion. Gaius decided to go with the latter as the hour was late and the old man had no desire to lie. "But for now I believe all Arthur will see is that Gwen is gone and you sent her away, regardless of the reasons why."

Uther slowly brought his hands to his lips as he sat and considered the consequences of his actions tonight. Arthur may now agree to marry Elaine, but at what cost? He would now resent his father for going to such lengths to ensure he took Elaine as a wife. But then again he might still refuse and it would all have been for nothing. All Uther would have gained was a son resented him forever...

"It's a pity," Uther finally said after that long train of thought. He looked at Gaius before he went on, "I was listening in when you spoke to her. I think it's a pity that she was born to such low status..."

"Yes, sire" Gaius replied absentmindedly.

The king went on. "I suppose she was quite... _charming_, in a way. Under other circumstances she would be most appealing."

Gaius said nothing and pretended that he could believe Uther when he said that. "As I said, sire, she's gone now..."

"Yes," Uther echoed poignantly, "She is gone."

-

Once the morning finally came it did not take long for the news of the handmaiden's removal from Camelot to circulate the town. All over the castle it was all people could talk about—how she had be snuck out of the castle undercover of night and taken far away to God-knows-where. Many were horrified even among the nobility. There was now only a tiny section that were pleased the king had finally taken action against the 'disgusting' affair. Everyone wondered where she had been exiled; some thought somewhere in Cyrmia while others suggested as far north as Rheged, and a good few wondered if she would be taken across the water away from the islands of Albion.

But Guinevere was gone regardless of how, why and where.

Gaius did not sleep all night nor did he return home. He sat in one of the council rooms and thought of the journey his poor young friend would have to endure. It hurt to think about it but it was all he could think about. The only thing that hurt him more was the knowledge that Merlin would storm through that door any moment once he realised why he had insisted on taking the sleeping draught last night. Gaius wouldn't blame Merlin if he never forgave him.

At the dawn chorus Gaius's fears were realised. The door shot open and Merlin stormed in followed swiftly by Morgana. "There you are," the boy said harshly. They had the look of the devil in their eyes, _literally_. They were both so angry that the yellow sheen was nearly visible to mortal eyes. "So we were just a pawn in Uther's plans, were we?" Merlin began his eyes wide with betrayal and fury. "He needed us out of the way so you helped him, am I right?"

"You betrayed us, Gaius" Morgana added harshly. "You knew that we would tell Arthur and Gwen if we found out—and you betrayed us."

Gaius said nothing, preferring to listen to them rant and rave before he attempted to explain.

But then Merlin said something that hit a nerve. The young man looked away. "Was this ever about helping Morgana and I, or did you just use it suit Uther's ends?"

"Now that is not fair!" Gaius snapped, breaking his silence. He got to his feet and stood in front of the furious warlock and witch. "The pair of you would have taken this formula whether Gwen was an issue or not. It was meant to help you—"

"How lucky you were that the night we took this draught was also the night Uther decides he is going to Gwen out of Camelot!" Morgana growled back.

"And if I hadn't had the two of you safely out of the way what would you have done?" Gaius snapped back. "You would have tried to stop it from happening, putting yourselves and Gwen at more risk."

"The way you talk you'd think you were _glad_ Gwen was gone," Morgana accused, her voice deep and harsh.

"Better for her to be exiled than executed on false charges," Gaius snapped back. He very rarely dared to scold Morgana due to her terrifyingly wayward personality but now she was becoming impossible. He ignored her and turned to Merlin hoping to talk more sense into both of them. The boy was still angry although his resolve was softening. Gaius sighed, "Yes, I did it because I didn't have the courage to speak out against Uther... but I also did it to protect all of you."

Morgana scoffed. "Protect us by lying to us?"

"I never lied," Gaius said softly, still addressing Merlin rather than Morgana. The old man could live with the king's ward hating him but not Merlin. "This was never just to do with Uther's plans. The collective echo is real and I wanted to help you. I still do..."

Merlin inclined his head towards Gaius but did not look at him. "Oh, I don't know about the collective thing but I _still_ had a dream last night. I saw the whole thing..."

Gaius's heart sunk a little bit. He had held out hope that Merlin was just going through a phase tied up with his infatuation with Morgana. But if he had the dream under the influence of the sleeping draught then it could only be the collective echo. The old man swallowed, "And?"

Merlin looked at him, eyes still angry. "I—_we_—saw Gwen's exile."

Gaius was taken aback. "I see..."

"That was what the dream was telling us this whole time," Merlin snapped. He was angrier with himself than he was with Gaius. "All the things I saw, all those things that Morgana has been telling me these last few months... it has all led to _this_."

He slumped into a chair, rubbing his eyes.

"I could have prevented this," he muttered and looked up at Morgana. "I should have figured out what the dream was telling you months ago."

Morgana seemed to have been drained of her anger, her emotions replaced with the same forlorn that Merlin was feeling. She slumped to her knees beside Merlin and grabbed one of his hands. "This isn't your fault. It's mine. It was _my_ dream and Gwen was my maid. I should have looked out for her more..."

Merlin squeezed her hand, "This _is_ as much my fault. Gwen is my best friend and I'm supposed to be helping you with your dreams but I let myself get... distracted."

She smiled faintly, "We both have... what with our magic lessons and—"

Merlin cleared his throat uncomfortably, still ashamed that his guardian was watching despite being angry with him. "Nonetheless," he said firmly, looking away from her in contemplation, "I let Gwen, Arthur and you down when I should have been more alert and attentive to what the dream was saying. Just like with Gawain on May Day I didn't take the dreams seriously enough..."

Morgana said nothing, too ashamed of her own failure. Gwen was gone. Morgana wondered where she was and what she was doing. She imagined her being transported through war-torn Albion to some far off place where no one would ever hope to find her. Gwen was gone, and she wanted to cry.

The young warlock could feel the distress seeping off her and freed his hand from hers to rest his arm across her shoulders. He found it hard to restrain tears also. Gwen was gone—one of his friends, his _best friend_... the first friend he made in Camelot. The girl that had approached him while he was locked in the stocks; that the knife-dodging-wonder Gregory had a crush on; that had nursed him when he was poisoned; that had kissed him and secretly harboured a crush on him. Merlin had almost forgotten that it was through that silly mistake with the letters that Gwen ended up falling in love with Arthur. Then she became the young woman that captured the heart of the prince and gave her own heart in return...

A thud hit hard in Merlin's chest as he thought of Arthur. Gwen was gone and chances were he would never see her again. It wasn't just the loss of a lover. The way his face lit up whenever she entered a room Merlin didn't have to look hard to see just how much Arthur loved, cared and downright _adored_ Guinevere. And now she was gone.

Merlin sighed and looked up at Gaius who had stood silently during his conversation with Morgana. All of a sudden he didn't feel angry any more. He knew that Gwen wouldn't have been angry, that she would have understood why Gaius did what he did, and Merlin hated being angry with Gaius.

"I know why you did what you did," he finally said, and even Morgana concurred with Merlin's words with a soft, distant nod of the head. "You couldn't have done anything else."

"I should have done more," Gaius stated.

"I know," Merlin said, not so forgiving as to justify Gaius's actions, "but you still couldn't refuse. Maybe if I had acted on Morgana's dream—_our_ dream—before now you would never have been forced to do it in the first place..."

Gaius stood quietly. He wanted to join Morgana in assuring Merlin that he shouldn't lament over the dream but he didn't want to push their good will too hard. There was also the matter of the dream itself. Merlin had said that both he and Morgana had seen Gwen's exile last night in their dreams but made no mention of the fire, the blood or even Arthur... but now wasn't the time for him to question that. They were all upset and angry with each other and themselves.

"She said goodbye before she left," Gaius said softly. "She wanted you to know that."

Merlin sniffed. "I only wish we could have done the same for her." His hand rubbed Morgana's shoulder soothingly for a moment longer before he gave her on last, quick embrace and got to his feet. "I have to see Arthur... will you be okay?"

Morgana sniffed and forced a smile. "I'll be fine. Maybe I'll speak to him... or to Uther, later."

"Don't push Uther too far if you do talk to him," Merlin warned her.

"I don't think I have the strength," Morgana said quietly. "Besides... I'm counting on Arthur to silence Uther into shame. If he has any shame left, that is."

-

Uther knew that Arthur would come to see him. It went without saying that once the prince was realised and found out what had happened he would come to see him. He expected his son to shout at him, to rile him and accuse him of every crime and every name he could think of. He wasn't sure why, though, as it wasn't exactly in character for Arthur. Uther didn't want to think he thought he deserved it. Regardless of Arthur's mood Uther was certain that Arthur would yell at him for locking him away in order to carry out the deed.

So when the door opened and Arthur walked in, the king was surprised that he stood in silence for what seemed like the longest time. There was only the sound of his breathing. It unnerved Uther to no end. He realised that Arthur was waiting for the servants and guards to leave the room. Sir Leon, Sir Geraint and Sir Kay were also in the room, but the look on Arthur's face – distant – prompted them to run for cover. It was more unnerving than a look of anger.

When the door finally closed and it was just Uther and Arthur he took a few seconds before he finally said his piece.

"Congratulations, father" Arthur began, glance dropping to the floor. It was a look of defeat that he had wanted to hide from the servants, the guards and Leon, Geraint and Kay (Especially from Kay) but saw no point in hiding from his father. Uther already thought he had won. "You have managed to single-handedly destroy my hopes of love and happiness to satisfy your pointless dynamic plans." He then looked up to reveal his dark and serious eyes, "But I assure you... it will only be a half-victory."

Uther sighed. "If you would just let me explain..."

"Spare it," the prince said firmly. "I don't want to listen to it because there is nothing you can say that will make me sympathise with your 'cause' or plans. _Nothing_. I cannot give sympathy to a man who does not offer it himself."

"Believe me," Uther struggled to say, "You _do_ have my sympathy. Both of you... have my sympathy."

"How pleased I am to hear that!" Arthur snapped sarcastically. There were no words to describe his inner pain and he had no intention of voicing them to his father. To let his father know that he had broken his heart would not move him, and Arthur did not want his father's sympathy. He wanted to hurt him. "As I said... regardless of what you did and how you feel this will be a small victory."

Uther looked up. "You still refuse to marry Elaine?"

Arthur shrugged, "I'll drag this out as long as I can, which I'll admit won't be long. But that isn't the half-victory, father. This is; even if you manage to make me sign that treaty and take Elaine to the altar... _that_ is far as I will ever go."

The king stared at Arthur. "What do you mean?"

"It means that we will never know whether Elaine inherited Aunt Anna's fertility," Arthur said. "And if we do I shall use it as grounds for divorce but you can be assured I won't lay a finger on her."

Uther swallowed. He hadn't thought of this and had only considered two; that Arthur would either finally relent or continue to resist. Never at any point did he consider the control that Arthur would have _after_ marriage to Elaine. It sent a chill down Uther's spine. The entire point of Arthur marrying _anyone_ would be for him to produce heirs, heirs of royal blood to carry on the Pendragon dynasty... but Uther couldn't _make_ Arthur have children. He was supposed to do that himself; close the door on the wedding night and take it from there...

"You'll do it in the end," Uther challenged. "Duty will compel you."

"My duty is to Camelot," Arthur replied without a thought. "My duty is to protect the kingdom and the people, not to consummate a marriage I never wanted."

Uther scoffed. "And when you are old, who will run your army for you? When you die, who will succeed you? You cannot fulfil your duty to Camelot unless you have an heir."

"_I _will run the army as long as I am physically able," Arthur replied smoothly. "I will _die_ managing the knights and the army. I will leave Camelot's fate into the hands of someone I trust. If Gawain is still alive, I will leave it to him, and if not to his son... or his brothers."

Uther shot out of his chair in shock, his voice a gasp. "You would leave Camelot without an heir... and in the hands of another family?"

"Another family," Arthur questioned. "Gawain _is_ my family, as are his brothers and as too would be his sons. I trust Gawain, and will have more reason to trust him since he will, it seems, be my brother-in-law."

"Yes, but..." Uther strained to speak again, "They are not _our_ dynasty. They are from the House of Lot. You are speaking of purposely ending the Pendragon dynasty, bloodline... a family that has rightly ruled Camelot and resisted opposition from, from Saxons, Jutes, Picts, the great warlord Vortigern... for decades, _centuries_..."

Arthur waited for his father's spluttering to tail off into nothing before he spoke again. When he did he spoke calmly and collectively. "I do not believe that a dynasty is greater than Camelot itself. Camelot will continue whether we rule or not. Besides," he clenched his fists at his side and stood straight, "You have already sold our dynasty to Lot by making me marry his daughter. My heir would be of their dynasty just as much as ours. Camelot will fall under Lot's influence regardless."

Uther stood in silence, out of words to stammer.

"If you are so desperate for the Pendragon dynasty to continue," Arthur said simply. "I suggest you remarry and have a child more amicable to your decisions. I hear Princess Elaine of Orkney might be very fertile..."

"Stop it, Arthur!" Uther snapped. "You're being childish."

"_I will never forgive you_," Arthur said firmly, finally reaching the breaking point and saying the words his whole threat had been about. He took on step forward. "I will never, ever forgive you for taking her away from me, father. I will not have heirs with a woman I do not want, and if I cannot have them with the woman I do want I'd rather not have them at all."

Uther looked away; these were the words he had been waiting for. He closed his eyes, hoping that he was right and Arthur would in time recover from this shock... but the resolve in his eyes was so certain. He heard the door open. Arthur had walked out and gone before Uther could even open his eyes and turn his head in the direction of the door.

Leon, Geraint and Kay all nodded their heads respectfully as Arthur walked out but he ignored them. They all then returned to the council room where Uther still stood. "Do you wish to continue with our meeting, sire?" Kay asked.

Uther snapped out of his daze. "Yes, this issue is important."

"Because if not I can always take these notes straight to my father..." Kay went on.

"I said this issue is _important_," the king snapped, silencing the young knight.

Outside in the corridor Merlin searched around for Arthur. After he heard that Arthur had been freed from the dungeons the first place he thought to look was his chambers but they were empty. There was no evidence to suggest Arthur had even been in there since he was locked away two nights ago. _It was only two nights ago_.

After half an hour of walking mindlessly through the castle looking for his master he decided to go to the training field. It was unlikely he would be there given the circumstances but he hoped that maybe Percival or Kay would be there who knew where he might be. The moment he appeared on the field Gregory rushed up to him, frantically. "Merlin!" his voice quivering, "Is it true? I can't true... Is it? Gwen is gone?"

Merlin sighed. "Yes, it's true..."

Gregory was obviously upset. Gwen had never known how he felt about her and, in reality he didn't want her to know... but he has still liked her. It wasn't just his hapless and hopeless crush on her; she had been a good person. And now she was gone.

"Gregory," Percival called. The servant sadly turned and nodded. His master gave him a sympathetic smile, "Could you help Erec carry my brother's armour, would you? His arm has only just come out of its sling."

Gregory made and small nod and rushed away, ashamed of his flushed cheeks and slightly wet eyelids. Once he was gone Percival turned to Merlin. "I assume you are looking for Arthur?"

Merlin shrugged, "I can't find him anywhere..."

"He's on the roof," Percival told him immediately. Merlin was taken aback and he smiled. "I don't think he's planning to jump off, Merlin. I passed him earlier and that was where he was headed. He hasn't been here, and if he isn't in his chambers I assume he's still there."

The knights all stopped their training to watch Merlin run off to find Arthur. The exile of Guinevere had come as a surprise to all of them too. They had not believed that Uther would go that far just to stop her relationship with his son. It must mean that Arthur was very serious about Gwen. It was a pity if that was the case; Arthur had lost his 'girlfriend' and the knights had lost their mascot. They had all quite liked Gwen. The only one who hadn't was Lamorak but that was only because Arthur has threatened him for harassing Gwen and attacking Merlin. Whenever Lamorak tried to say a bad word about Gwen, the knights reminded him that Merlin had managed to punch him. That shut him up immediately. Not that it mattered now. Gwen was gone.

Merlin ran through the corridors, up the stairs until finally he came to the door that led to the roof overlooking the city, forests and hills in the distance. He walked out and saw Arthur immediately. He was leaning on the turrets, chin resting in his hand and eyes closed. He nearly leapt out of his skin when Merlin tapped his shoulder. Arthur shot up and looked at him. He was clutching something tight in his hands and he seemed to clasp it tighter in his hand, terrified that he might have dropped it over the side in the surprise.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said quickly. "I didn't mean to startle you..."

Arthur looked away grimly and resumed his position. "You have a wonderful knack for sneaking up on people at bad times, don't you?"

"I was looking for you."

"You've found me now."

"Yes, I have."

"What do you want?"

"I came to make sure you were alright."

Arthur looked up with him and stood up straight away. He folded his arms, still clutching the object in his hand. Merlin finally noticed the silver sheen. It was the silver fairy. "I'm fine,"

He spoke in a tone that indicated the opposite, as he intended it to be. Merlin knew Arthur wasn't alright. It went without saying. Guinevere was gone and he was heartbroken. He walked around in silence with nothing but a distant, forlorn look on his face. He stood on the roof looking over the distance where she had disappeared to and held the silver fairy she had never him in his hand, terrified of losing it or letting it go. Yet despite all his sorrow he was genuinely glad to see Merlin. He would never admit it though.

"I'm sorry."

Arthur rubbed his eyes, worried that a tear had strayed. "I'm sorry too..."

And he was sorry. Guinevere was gone and it was his fault. Arthur couldn't help but believe it was his fault, that there was something he could have done that could have hindered or prevented the situation. He knew though that his father couldn't have just dreamed this us over night or the last week—he must have been planning it from the moment he found out that Arthur was in love with Gwen. It made Arthur feel sick. He felt like the tragic star-crossed hero in a tragedy. The pain in his heart spread throughout his entire body, aching away at his mind, arms and legs. He didn't think the pain would ever go away. It would be a constant reminder of what he had lost...

Arthur hid his face in his hand again, once again worried that a tear might have loosened from his lids. "I'm so very sorry..." he muttered, and Merlin dared to place his hand on his shoulder once again.


	21. Final Chapter

Time seemed to lose all presence after Gwen left.

No one in Camelot could tell whether the days and weeks were dragging or speeding by. Despite the fact that she had only been a servant everyone seemed to miss Guinevere's presence. The people in town always looked over at the bordered up house whenever they went past where she used to live. In a town where everybody knew each other's name not seeing Gwen walk to work in the morning was very strange. The servants in the castle had to get used to the fact that Cecilia was now the Lady Morgana's principle handmaiden. It was especially hard for poor Cecilia who felt it was her fault that Gwen was gone and it put a strain on her friendship with Maud who was envious of her friend's promotion. Even the nobility noticed the absence of Gwen, and more so than the younger knights that had to deal with Arthur's distant and cold attitude to everything now.

As soon as it was announced by Uther that Queen Anna would be visiting Camelot with Prince Gawain and Princess Elaine everyone knew exactly why the girl Gwen had been removed from the court if they did not know already. Arthur's love for Gwen had been absolute and there were even rumours that his incarceration leading up to the girl's exile had been due to his refusal to marry Elaine. What perplexed the older nobility was that he hadn't been asked to give Gwen up. They couldn't understand why Arthur couldn't just have married Elaine and kept this maid as his mistress.

The knights understood better.

Arthur was not the type that fell in love easily. According to Kay (who the other knights agreed knew Arthur better than any of them) Arthur had never been in love before Guinevere. Prior to Gwen he had taken interest in girls for no longer than a week before he became fed up with them. This used to happen once every few months but, contrary to gossip, Arthur was by no means a womaniser. He was not a snow white virgin either but in their dealings with him the knights had all come to know the difference between the Arthur of rumour and the Arthur of truth. This was a distinction that Uther Pendragon could not make.

Arthur used to have only two passions in his life; his training and his kingdom. Once he fell in love with Guinevere she became one of the few things he was passionate about. She was certainly the only person that aroused any deep love or excitement within him. Now she was gone he had returned to the basics; all he ever did was train.

Then on occasion he would attend the council meetings in order to fulfil his second passion, his passion for Camelot. Even then he continued to make it clear to his father that he would not be producing any heirs to his father by refusing to discuss the subject. During one meeting four days after Gwen was exiled Arthur stood up and left the council chambers when Sir Ector raised the issue of the coming of Queen Anna, Prince Gawain and Princess Elaine.

Rumour even had it that Arthur had not spoken to the king since the morning he was released from the dungeons. _That_ rumour was true.

Not only had Arthur taken to walking out of council meetings that mentioned Elaine but he spoke actively while talking about the conflict in Rheged which, according to Ambassador Áedh, was now officially The Conflict of Hen Ogledd. The entire of the north was up in arms and it wouldn't be long before the south of Albion. There was an outside chance that every kingdom in Albion would become involved. It would be 'The War of Fifty Kings' they said.

The sickly fear of war and the beckoning call to battle was enough to distract Arthur for ten minutes before someone brought up Elaine again. Then he would leave.

The thing that made matters worse as far as Uther was concerned was that Arthur purposely chose to ignore his orders and decided to follow his own instinct and his own belief in duty. This independence of mind was a great blow to Uther. Not only would Arthur not talk to him but he purposely chose to ignore his father's existence.

A young farmer named William from the Western villages trotted into Camelot on the back of a grey donkey. He looked a sorry a sight as he desperately asked for an audience with the king. When this was finally granted he told the court of a terrible beast hiding in the long crops, attacking people in his village as they tried to bring in the harvest and killing numerous villagers as they walked through the fields. Gaius was quickly able to identify the creature as a biscione, a giant grass snake to be more precise.

"I will take some knights out to the western village and destroy the beast," Arthur promised the farmer and declared to the whole court.

"You should send the knights under Sir Leon's command and remain here," Uther ordered his son at the risk of being ignored once again. "We are expecting Queen Anna and Princess Elaine any day now. It would not do for you to be absent when they arrive."

"We will leave immediately," Arthur added, completely ignoring his father. He turned to Merlin who looked at him solemnly; his master looked so distant and uncaring, like a statue. "Gather my things immediately, would you?"

Merlin nodded and left the room immediately glancing in Morgana's direction. Every look between the two of them cut Gaius, who observed the exchange between them, just as much as Arthur's indifference towards his father's wishes was to Uther. Gaius was just grateful that no one had noticed how close Merlin and Morgana were becoming. It was difficult for them not to notice Arthur's distain for his father since it was on display to the whole court.

Uther had had enough and he decided to confront Arthur in a place where he could not escape. The only way he could do that with some privacy was to go to his chambers. It was a practise that Uther had never thought of doing before now. Unless Arthur was either dying or... dead Uther would never step foot in his son's chambers.

It came as a surprise to both Arthur and Merlin, who was packing Arthur's things for the journey, when the king entered the room without being announced or even knocking. Once the young manservant was dismissed by the king he turned to address Arthur who went on ignoring him as he spoke.

"I've had enough of this ridiculous and childish behaviour," Uther scolded, hoping to provoke anger in his son. "It is... undermining my authority. I ordered you not to go and you are preparing the leave." Arthur did nothing other than offer him a neutral glance before carrying on with his preparations. The king went on, "You embarrass yourself more than you do me."

This had been the third time this week that Uther had whined at Arthur that week and about the sixteenth time overall. So like with all the other times he just ignored him. Even when Uther threatened to confine him to his chambers he gave him a look that _dared_ him to try. The entire conversation, if one could call it that, ended with Uther storming off and Arthur smiling in victory. Uther knew that if he were to keep Arthur in his chambers now he might refuse to come out when Anna, Elaine and Gawain arrived.

The king had to accept defeat.

Once he was gone Merlin poked his head around the door and re-entered the room. "Are you really never going to speak to your father again?" the young servant asked.

"Not unless I have to," Arthur retorted, pulling down what he was doing and leaving it to Merlin to take over. "Most of the things he says are absolute rubbish anyway. I get more things done by just doing them instead of arguing with him over it."

"Arthur!" Merlin chuckled amusedly under his breath. Arthur was not smiling nor even attempting to be funny in his words. The warlock realised this quickly and tried to keep the topic going; he had a purpose. "You should be careful or you might end up in the dungeons again."

"I don't care what he does to me," the prince muttered as he wandered towards the window. "Besides he's not going to lock me up a few days before Aunt Anna turns up. He'd rather I wasn't here than have to drag me out of incarceration and beg me to behave myself when they arrive."

"Is that way you're going with the knights to destroy that creature?" Merlin questioned, "To get away from Camelot when Queen Anna arrives."

Arthur glanced over at him before turning back to the window. "Not completely... I always go with the knights to defeat creatures of this type. Besides," he paused, clutching his forearms in his hands, "I haven't had a chance to... inspect the western villages yet."

There was a spark of realisation that hit Merlin in the chest and head. Arthur had 'inspected' nearly every boarder of Camelot and even pulling strings with some of the neighbouring five kings to offer his services to defeat the terrible creatures in their parts of Dumnonia. The only part he had not 'checked' was the west. Uther had kept that border firmly controlled and guarded due to his dislike of the Cornish Duke Cador. Arthur had been waiting for an excuse to get close to the western border for weeks.

"You never know what you might find out," Arthur said cryptically.

"You don't need to speak in code," Merlin said.

Arthur rubbed his eyes furiously with his hands before hazily looking out at the painfully bright white sky. The summer was officially gone and the autumn was well underway. He swallowed, "She could have just vanished into thin air..."

It hurt to even mention her name. It hurt to even _think_ of it but she was all he ever thought about.

"So you're no closer to... narrowing down where she might be?" Merlin asked timidly.

"What do you think, Merlin?" Arthur snapped back, his response aptly matching the nervousness of his servant's question. "Do you really think I'd be here and preparing to go and battle _a big grass snake_ if I had the faintest idea where Guinevere was?" The mention of her name still hurt despite the fact that he was the one who said it. He swallowed thickly and lowered his voice, "Do you think I'd waste a single second here in Camelot if I knew where to look for her?"

Merlin raised his hands defensively. He knew the moment he asked that this would be the reaction. Uther had managed to remove Gwen from Camelot under cover of dark and without a trace. Everything she had owned had been collected from her old house and locked in one of the palace vaults to which only the king had the keys to. Only Fach had she been allowed to take. The old smithy where Gwen had been born and raised had been bordered up, including the old forge where Tom had proudly worked. There were rumours in town that he even planned to knock it down in an attempt to remove any trace of her existence. This made the people very angry but it infuriated Arthur.

"I'm sorry" Arthur murmured after a long moment of silence. "I shouldn't have lost my temper at you it's just..."

"I know," Merlin nodded in response. "I know... and for what it's worth I miss her too. We all do. Obviously it's harder for you but..."

Arthur nodded shallowly. "I just... I _have_ to find her, Merlin. Now, I'm running out of time because within the next few days Elaine will be here and--"

The young warlock nodded. "Do you want me to come with you on this kill-a-grass-snake-outing?"

"No, you'd better stay here" the prince replied. "I'm only taking Kay, Leon, Percival and Geraint with me along with a few of the guard. We'll be gone no more than a day or so... you should stay here and help arrange Gawain and Elaine's accommodation."

He said the word 'accommodation' as if he were spitting out poison. The chances were that the accommodation that Merlin put Elaine in might be where she remained for the rest of her life. The notion of it made Arthur sick in his stomach.

"The main thing I'm grateful for is that I won't be here when Aunt Anna shows up," Arthur confessed finally aloud. "I'll do anything to put off this marriage as long as possible."

"Maybe," Merlin began but he trailed off and stopped. Arthur stopped and muttered a 'What?' waiting for Merlin to go one. After another moment he did, "I was just wondering if you could talk to Gawain about this... or even Elaine. They might know where Gwen is since rumour has it the exile was planned by your father and Queen Anna."

Arthur scoffed, "That's an idea! I go up to my future wife and brother-in-law and ask them to tell me where their mother hid Guinevere."

"It is funny how even in the pits of your despair you _still_ manage to be as sarcastic as ever," Merlin retorted. "It's as if it's an outlet for your grief."

Arthur said nothing. Instead he pushed Merlin aside and began to once again pack his things himself. The servant stood in silence and watched before Arthur muttered a dismissal under his breath. Merlin still said nothing as he walked to the door and opened it. "I'll be back to help dress you in your armour and saddle your horse," he finally said. 'I can't wait,' Arthur murmured back and did not look up until the door was closed and Merlin was gone.

He picked up a sword, looked at his reflection in the blade before placing it down again. He thought he looked so distant and tired these days. There was no colour in his cheeks; he had lost weight due to a loss of appetite and excessive training. He rarely smiled anymore. The most he could ever manage was a small upper tilt of the lips when Merlin in a vain attempt to cheer him up told a joke. Even then Arthur smiled more at the effort Merlin was making rather than the joke.

After a moment of reflection Arthur walked over to the draws by his bed. He pulled out the largest draw and removed a thin piece of red velvet before reaching in for the thing he wanted. It was the silver fairy. He brought the precious treasure to his lips and kissed it fondly. If he was going to the western borders he intended to take the last part of Gwen that remained with him. It was like a token, her last token.

He held it tight in his hand as he returned to packing and prayed that someone somewhere in the western village would have heard of Gwen whereabouts. If he didn't find out something soon Arthur knew his belief in hope would die. Then there would be nothing.

-

Merlin made his way to Morgana's chambers.

Over the last few weeks in a bid to spend more time there without arousing suspicions towards their friendship Arthur had Kay inform Uther that he had lent Merlin part-time to Morgana to carry out the harder and heavier work until her new handmaiden was settled in her new position. That new handmaiden was none other than Cecilia, the girl that had first seen Arthur and Gwen kiss. It seemed ironic.

Morgana hated having to 'get used' to Cecilia and made her displeasure very clear to the king. While Uther was eager to remain on speaking terms with Morgana, where he wasn't with Arthur, he still failed to see the point of her displeasure.

"If you don't like the girl then choose a new handmaiden from among the other maidservants," Uther had told her.

"It's not about disliking Cecilia!" Morgana had insisted. "This is about the fact that you exiled _my_ handmaiden, my friend! And now I have to put up with this stupid girl that doesn't understand my routine or any of the tasks I set her."

"Then start from scratch!" Uther growled back at her. His head was hurting from Morgana's complaints, Arthur's silence and from the strain this whole event. He was beginning to believe it had definitely not been worth it. "It doesn't take a genius to kneel on a floor and scrub it. Besides," (he added coarsely), "if you liked Guinevere so much you should have advised her to spend less time in Arthur's bed and more time scrubbing your chamber's floor."

Despite missing Gwen just as much as Morgana was Merlin couldn't help but feel bad for Cecilia being made to suffer at the hands of her touchy new mistress. This was why Merlin felt more than happy to lighten the burden on Cecilia's shoulders until she was settled into her new job. God knew he relied on Gwen an awful lot in his first few rocky months as Arthur's servant.

Morgana was less prone to lose her temper at Merlin... but she still could lose it if she was frustrated enough. They both had good enough reason to feel frustrated and not just because of Gwen's exile; they were still having the dreams. It was made even harder by their reluctance to share their problems with Gaius or even trust the sleeping draughts he made for them. Morgana flat out refused to take the potion and like a child she with bitter medicine managed to convince her gullible new maid that she didn't need it. Merlin would just pour his potion away. They were both suffering from sleep deprivation and this was likely to real reason for Morgana's short temper.

Merlin knocked on the door wearily. He came bearing fresh linen so as not to arouse suspicion of the guards. Morgana had already been waiting on the other side of the door. The moment she opened the door the first thing Merlin noticed was the wideness of her eyes; she had slept so little that she felt too tired to even go to sleep.

"Cecilia isn't here," Morgana told him. "In fact I sent her to get fresh linen."

"Well she'll have had a wasted journey." Merlin walked past her into the room and placed the linen down. He turned to face her, "Are you feeling okay?"

She swallowed awkwardly, "I fine."

He tilted his head cautiously. "Are you sure because you look—"

"I'm fine!" she snapped, clenching her eyes shut. The very sound of her high-pitched insistence cut right through her and Morgana rubbed her hands against her temples. "I'm just... tired. That's all."

Merlin took a deep breath. "I'm tired too."

"That dream..." she groaned piteously. "It won't go away... the fire, the blood, the forest—"

"I know," Merlin said distractedly. He walked to a window and looked outside. The whiteness and greyness of the clouds was painful to look up at. He sighed, "I had the same dream, remember? I may not see myself in the forest as you do but all the other things... the fire, the bloody, the death and torment _all of it_ is what I see too."

He stepped away from the window to see her red bloodshot eyes staring at him. "I'm so tired I can barely think but I'm too frightened to sleep and see it again..."

Merlin nodded but approached his next few words with care. "I think we need to start talking the sleeping draughts again."

She looked at him as if he'd just suggested they swallow poison. "No!"

"Well not taking it isn't doing us any good, is it?" he retorted defensively.

"The sleeping draughts didn't exactly relieve our nightmares either!" Morgana shouted back, but took her voice down when Merlin lunged forward with his hands raised frantically for her to keep her voice down. "It may have helped you but the sleeping draughts have never done me any good."

"Come on, Morgana!" Merlin groaned in frustration. "You were never this bad when you were taking the sleeping draughts and I'm starting to miss the days when you were a logically thinking human being."

Morgana shot him a painful glare. "You know what? Me too because I miss the logically thinking Merlin because he might have found away to do that spell to find Gwen by now!"

That hit him hard. Merlin had been trying to do a spell in order to locate where Gwen was for a while but had never managed to complete it. Every location spell used to find people required a possession of the lost person in order to find them, something that Merlin was unable to get.

When he first suggested the idea to Morgana they had planned to take something from Gwen's old home but the guards had cleared the house of its contents, bordered it up and stood watch on it. They then plotted to break into the castle stores and steal something from where Uther was keeping Gwen's things but Uther had the only key to the hold. That would ordinarily be no problem for Merlin but there were guards there too.

Merlin even tried to use a few location spell for objects in order to find Gwen but all of them said different things. One spell pointed towards her house, the other to the stores and the third one he did was able to trace her as far as Ynys Tor but after that, nothing. And she could have been taken anywhere from there to any of the kingdoms of Dumnonia, beyond the realm and even towards the sea coast. There was just no telling.

After the third location spell Merlin admitted to Morgana that without an object belonging to Gwen he could not use a location spell that would tell them exactly where she was. This frustrated her even more.

"I have tried everything," Merlin finally said defensively. "I tried to break into the storage room again but I just don't have enough time to get in, take something and get out."

"Use your magic!" Morgana snapped back.

"Thank you for that enlightened suggestion!" Merlin said sarcastically. "I never would have thought of doing that if it wasn't for you."

Morgana rolled her eyes. "I mean you obviously aren't trying hard enough..."

"I'm doing the best I can!" Merlin shouted now trying to keep control of his voice. His tiredness and grogginess was taking a toll on his temper also. He shook his head, "This dream and lack of sleep is draining me that I can't concentrate my powers. I'm not... alert enough."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'll tell you what I'm talking about!" Merlin retorted harshly. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "My powers exceed yours not just because I am stronger or better practised but because my sight is faster yours. I see things coming before any moral eye, gifted or not, whether it is arrow or an enchantment. I see things that are significant yet so small that no one even notices them."

He nearly went on but he took another breath and rubbed his eyes, "You know what? I'm not going to stand here and argue with you when we are clearly not in the right frame of mind..."

"I'm only arguing with you because I'm worried about how lonely Gwen must be..."

"You think I'm _not_ worried?" Merlin said trying to keep a lid on his irritation. He didn't want to fall out with Morgana. "I think about Gwen all the time; how sad she must be, how far away from home and lonely. You're not the only one who lost their friend, remember!"

"Go to hell!" Morgana couldn't think of anything productive to say to Merlin and without thinking she blurted out her frustration in those three words.

"Fine, I'll save you a seat next to the Morrigan," Merlin hissed back. He picked up the linen he had brought without thinking straight and added, "And I don't care what you think—I am taking that sleeping draught!"

As Merlin left he slammed the door so loud that it echoed through both his and Morgana's heads painfully. She wrapped her arms around herself a made a distressed sigh.

Outside the room Merlin pitched his eyes shut nearly succumbing to the urge to just fall down there and sleep. He wasn't able to stand close-eyed for long as Cecilia came up after her long and pointless trek to fetch Morgana's fresh linen. She knew that if Merlin hadn't brought it she would be yelled at by her short-tempered mistress. Gwen had often said that Morgana was a fairly reasonable lady most of the time so it had been a horrible shock to be stuck with someone so much the opposite.

Cecilia assumed it was she blamed her for what happened to Gwen.

"Merlin?" she said as she reached the top of the stairs.

He opened his eyes and managed to smile. "Hello there, Cecilia."

"Were you just about to go in only you have the linen," she said, pointing to his arms and smiling. Merlin looked down and wondered why he had picked up the sheets in the first place. In his tiredness he had started doing things that didn't make sense.

He handed them to her. "Sorry... I was just leaving. I should warn you that Morgana is in a killer mood so try to stay on her good side."

Cecilia sighed. "She seems to be very short with me that I've given up trying to stay on her good side."

"I sometimes forget she ever had one," Merlin muttered to himself before turned to give Cecilia a smile. "She's just a little upset still but over time... I think she'll calm down. All she needs is a good night's sleep."

And that was the truth. "Do you think what happened to Gwen is my fault?"

Merlin stared at her. "Of course I don't think that, Cecilia. It's not your fault what happened and I know _Gwen_ wouldn't want you to think it was your fault."

"I know but..." Cecilia said sadly. "It's just how I feel."

"Well, don't!" Merlin said arranging to find enough energy to raise his hands to her shoulders and smile at her kindly. "It's like Gwen said at the time 'If you hadn't seen it someone else would have', so don't think it's your fault. No one blames you, not even Morgana. I promise you she's angrier with Uther than anyone else."

"Aren't we all?" Cecilia said bravely. She placed her hand on Merlin's wrist and smiled at him with a grateful sweetness that made Merlin feel a bit better after his argument with Morgana. "Thanks for talking to me, Merlin. You really are a good friend."

He sighed and walked towards the stairs. "I'm glad somebody thinks so."

-

Tintagel was an ideal home for the Duke of Cornwall.

It had been chosen many years ago by his ancestors to be the ideal spot for a headquarters. The watery passage that surrounded this chosen residence felt more like a vast sea than the tiny patch of water it was between the island and the mainland of Cornwall. The waves lapped on the beach lying directly below the castle and the winds were gusty and powerful. Even in the summer when the sun was warm and the grass was crisp the wind kept it cool for the people at Tintagel Castle. The castle itself was built along a cliff and if you were to sit on the edge it would make you feel as if you were hanging above the sea.

The autumn was particularly wet and windy for Cornwall as a whole let alone those at Tintagel Castle. The skies were clouded over and rain was for certain. Yet despite the power of the window those who served Cador continued with their work. Those who did not have to work carried on as normal. To a person unfamiliar with life by the sea life at Tintagel would probably be shocking especially if they were used to life in a city where strong winds were silenced by the buildings and trees, and they were used to waking to the sound of clucking hens rather than croaking gulls.

Yet Gwen quickly became used to it and like a duck to water she sat near the edge of the cliff holding Fach tightly in his grasp and embracing the wind playing with her hair. Even though in her darkest moments she would imagine how easy it would be for her to slip off the edge and fall to her death into the water below she could just as easily tuck such thoughts away and make herself believe she was, in some form, content.

But she was not.

Gwen sighed sadly. These momentary thoughts of 'accidental-on-purpose' slips and contentment were just flashes that took up very little of her thinking time. Mostly she went over and over and over her journey to Tintagel that night when she was removed from her life in Camelot and placed here at this dreamlike castle.

She stroked Fach affectionately. After they removed her from the city they waited on the frightening dark path within the forest beside the citadel. That was when a guard rode up to Gwen upon her horse and showed her the tiny little bracket. It had been the one thing that Gwen could truly be grateful for at that moment. She hadn't a clue where she was being taken but at least she would take Fach with her. It had been a plight that Gwen expected Uther Pendragon to grant but he had.

They rode on through the dark woods. Gwen felt her heart race as well as break from far that they would be attacked by bandits. The record for the guards of Camelot was far from successful and Gwen felt she was more qualified to defend herself than they were. She was both devastated and frightened.

Gwen had quietly sobbed under her hood although she was certain the guards had heard her as none of them dared to look at her. It had shamed her into forcing back her tears and trying her best not to even _breathe_ loudly. It was hard as all she could think about was the fact that she had left Camelot forever. She would never see Merlin and Morgana again, or poor Gaius, silly old Geoffrey or her silly young servant-friends like Gregory, Sarah and Erec.

But naturally there was only one loss, one name and one face that hurt the most. The knowledge that she would never see Arthur again had been the thing that reduced her to tears. It tore at her whole body with agony as her blood pumped painful through her veins, chest and head. She literally thought her heart was failing under the pain and that any second she would fall from her horse dead.

Gwen did not die although she wished she would so she wouldn't have to feel it any more. Instead she clutched Fach close to her as the guards walked her slowly on.

In the very early hours of the morning Gwen finally began to succumb to sleep and nearly did fall from her horse taking the ever faithful Fach with her. But the guards managed catch her as she nodded off and removed her to lie in a carriage. It had been a relief to the guards.

It wasn't until the sky had lightened that she woke again. Fach was barking at the sound of rain falling outside and the sound of flowing water. Gwen felt groggy from her grief and took a moment before she finally looked outside. The sky was a bright grey and it hurt her eyes to look at it. Once her eyes adjusted she realised that they had come to a river. After a while of riding alongside the river the party finally came to a halt. Gwen immediately stepped out, still holding Fach close to her. The head of the guards stepped forward and indicated the other side of the river. Even from a distance Gwen could see another party of guards waiting for her.

"Isn't this... the Tamar?" Gwen asked softly.

The guard nodded, "That's right. We will take you across the river where you will meet the Cornish guard, and they will take you the rest of the way."

"So I am to be exiled to Cornwall?"

"I'm afraid we don't know," the guard explained, looking to his companions. "The king told us to bring you here to the Tamar where the Cornish guard would accompany you."

A moment of panic flashed behind Gwen's eyes. She wondered if she would be taken further, maybe even away from Albion.

She walked stiffly towards the boat where a quarter of the guard also stepped in to guard her. Gwen had never ridden on a real river before; it was a surprisingly frightening experience. Once on the other side the guards of Camelot remained in the boat and saluted the guards of Cornwall who stood on the banks. The Camelonian guards helped Gwen stand in the bobbing boat before a man dressed in a long green cloak with the symbol of a family Gwen vaguely recognised. He nodded politely to her and smiled before offering his hand to help her out of the boat. Gwen surprised him by handing Fach to him first, who he politely took and handed to another guard before once again offering his hand. She would have quite liked to get out of the boat herself but she did not trust herself not to fall in the river. And she was a terrible swimmer.

Gwen took the man's hand and was brought gracelessly ashore as she took her first steps on Cornish soil, pleased to have soil ground beneath her again. She turned and saw the guards that had accompanied her bow in respect again. 'Thank you' she found herself croaking. The Cornish guards then helped push the guards of Camelot off as they returned to the rest of their party and back to Camelot.

There was a lump in Gwen's throat; she knew she may never cross this river again.

The Cornish guards lined up along the river and the man who had helped her ashore returned Fach to her arms. Gwen clutched the dog and looked up at him, her eyes still sore and weary from last night's weeping.

"Guinevere," the man said politely, still smiling. "I am Jermyn, a personal servant to the Duke of Cornwall. I have been sent by him to accompany you back to Tintagel."

"Tintagel," Gwen had repeated. She knew the name from conversations with Morgana as well as her father's talks with Cador before he became the duke. She swallowed, "So I _am_ staying here in Cornwall?"

Jermyn nodded. "Indeed, you will be taken from here onwards to Tintagel. You will stay there."

Gwen nodded slowly and let herself be led to the waiting horses nearby. Jermyn helped her onto a horse before handing Fach up to her again. "We hope to stay at a swift place—will you be able to ride fast with a dog in your lap?" he asked cheerfully. "We'll also have to cross another path of water. I hope you'll be alright with that."

"I'll be fine," Gwen replied shallowly. She felt bad for her lack of cheer but one kind face was not enough to make her feel better about what she had lost. She took Fach and nodded at him, "Thank you."

There was a loud crash above her head.

Gwen looked up as little drops of rain hit her face. She knew it was time to get back to the castle. She quickly stumbled to her feet and tucked Fach under the cloth of her cloak to keep her dry before slowly making her way back. It was difficult to run across the hills of Tintagel. The rain became heavier. She trekked up the hill towards the gateway so by the time she reached the top she was soaked through.

There were only a handful of servants at Tintagel but they all knew Gwen and she knew them already. They all stopped and looked at her as she stepped through the door, soaked to the bone. The old servant woman Ysgyrdav gasped when she saw her. "Gwen, get out of those clothes immediately or you'll catch a cold."

Gwen put Fach on the stone floor. "I'm fine Ysgyrdav, really..."

Ysgyrdav turned to her daughter Ysgudydd, a young woman around twenty-four years of age and youngest of the old servant's children, and ordered her to fetch Gwen a blanket to keep her warm. "You must have a warm bath," the old woman declared.

"I'll dry soon, really..." Gwen protested, hating the fuss all the servants were suddenly making over her. As Ysgudydd returned with the blanket about three others also came over with blankets while another servant tried to dry off fidgeting Fach. "Alright," Gwen said as they wrapped the blankets around her, "I've been out in the rain not scaling the mountains."

The fuss in the hall alerted the attention of the master not only of Tintagel but the whole of Cornwall: Cador, The Duke of Cornwall himself. He stepped out of his study clutching some secret papers that he had been working on the last few months. He never conversed with anyone about them so the servants had no idea what it was about. They only knew that it was important. Cador never did any foreign work unless it was _important_.

"Gwen," Cador finally said, alerting his presence to the servants who immediately stopped and curtsied. Although not a kingdom in name Cador control the whole of Cornwall, a piece of land that was larger than many kingdoms in Albion. Yet he remained a duke. He went on with his words, "Gwen, my dear, you really should have a warm bath and change your clothes." He turned to Ysgyrudav and Ysgudydd, "Run a bath for her, would you?" and he turned to two of the grooms, "Two of you make sure that Fach is dried and fed, while you," he said addressing the third, "can fetch me some wine... and bring two goblets so Gwen can have some to warm herself up."

"That's really not necessary," Gwen quickly said.

Cador turned to her and smiled, "How many times do I have to remind you? You are not a servant anymore! You don't need to do things for yourself and don't reject a drink from your guardian when he politely offers one."

Gwen looked down awkwardly and clutched two blankets around her while the third fell to the floor. "I'm sorry I'm just still not used to people being so, so..."

"Polite?" And she inclined her head to confirm what he said. Cador outstretched his arm and guided her towards his large study where there was a fire burning. The paper he was clutching rustled at her shoulder. "Sit in here until the women call for you and dry yourself off."

Gwen obeyed as she found it easier to do what Cador wanted rather than refuse his kindness. Despite the opinion of him back in Camelot for being a cold-shouldered hermit he had shown Gwen nothing but kindness and understanding since she came to Tintagel. It occurred to her quickly that he knew everything of the reasons why she had been sent away from Camelot and was trying his best to distract her from her sorrow.

Cador motioned Gwen into a comfortable seat in front of the fire before sitting in the seat opposite her. After another moment Jermyn returned with the goblets and wine, poured it out and handed out the two cups before placing the flagon on a table beside Cador and leaving. There followed another moment of silence as they sipped silently before Cador finally broke the silence.

"I actually asked to see you earlier but Jermyn told me you had gone out again today," he said.

Gwen swallowed her wine clumsily, causing her nose to burn and her throat to cough. "Yes," she croaked, "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," Cador replied politely. "I'm glad to see you are confident enough to explore the island. I admit there is nothing much here but the castle and a few small houses but it is a place of great beauty."

"Yes," she agreed awkwardly. "What was it you wished to see me for?"

"Just to ask you whether you were happy and if there was anything you desired to make your life here more comfortable," Cador told her, watching her curiously. He noticed a small smile appear across Gwen's face but it was a sad smile, one he recognised as he had made it many times before in the past. "Honestly, how are you finding it at Tintagel?"

Gwen hesitated a moment before she placed her goblet down and pulled the blankets around her tighter. She was starting to feel very cold. "Tintagel is... very different from Camelot, sire."

"Please don't call me 'sire'," Cador said, before tilting his head to pick up her meaning. "Then you still long for home."

She wasn't going to lie. "I am very grateful for your kindness towards me, Cador, but I do miss Camelot. I miss it more than I can say. I miss my home, my friends and—"

Gwen stopped, unable to even say Arthur's _name_ for fear it would make her relive all that pain she felt when she was forced to leave Camelot. She glanced up at Cador. He wore an understanding and sympathetic face as if he understood exactly how she was feeling.

"I know you do," he said softly. "And I hope within time you will find the happiness you long for." Cador often said things like that and it intrigued Gwen to ask what he meant when he said things like that. But he just smiled and changed the subject slightly. "In some ways I miss Camelot too even though it has been so many years since I last went there."

Gwen smiled sadly again. "Everyone was sad to see you go, Cador."

Cador nodded, "And I was sad to leave it too despite what Uther would have people think. It was always my father's (whose name was Hoel) dream that one day the kingdoms of Dumnonia and Cornwall would reunite under a single king. In the old days Camelot used to be the centre of all the west's power..." he sighed, "but that was over a hundred years ago. I doubt unification of Dumnonia alone will happen any time soon."

Gwen agreed, "From what I hear the five kings _are_ always at odds over something."

"Indeed," Cador grinned. "You know it is all about power and control? The thing that plagues them is that all but one of the five is either middle-aged or old. Among the five kings only three of them ever married—all three are now widowers—and of that three only two of them had children and only one had a son. That is Uther's son, of course, _your_ Arthur."

Gwen blushed and looked down. Cador usually called him 'her Arthur' and while it embarrassed her to know that he was fully aware of what passed between her and Camelot's prince she would never object to him being hers. As far as she was concerned Arthur was hers and always would be. Just as she felt she would always be his and no one else's.

Cador took another sip of wine. "I know everything about the plots and plans of Dumnonia just as well as I know my own realm. Especially now that _damned_ Lot is bringing his brother's war southward—"

"It is Prince Claudius that brings it south," Gwen corrected him.

Cador scoffed. "I knew Lot when I was your age and he was a pushy old sod even then. I tell you, Guinevere, that man has ambitions as well as a fowl temper. He had control over the north and he wants to move his influence down here too. He was punching the air when this war broke out, I promise you; he was probably _delighted_."

It had been a long time since Cador had had a chance to talk about the other kingdoms. Isolated in his castle on the sea he knew only what his officials on the mainland told him yet there was no one in his home to talk to about it. Jermyn was a clever servant and trusted friend but showed little interest. He found that Gwen was well versed in the goings on in Albion from conversations with Arthur. It proved an interesting outlet for him that surprised even his servants.

"Arthur rarely had a nice thing to say about Lot either," Gwen finally agreed.

"A brilliant king but a terrible husband and father," Cador finished.

There was something about his composure that made Gwen believe there was more to his dislike of Lot than just his personality but she wasn't sure what it was. Her curiosity to find out more about that wonderful nobleman who her father had thought the world of and that had given her that beautiful green box and the beloved silver fairy was enough sometimes to distract her from her sadness.

Cador changed the subject. "I expect Uther will be ushering his neighbours into Camelot before long to negotiate a treaty and convince them to 'defend Dumnonia' and not try and take his lands while his army are off fighting for Lot if he can't convince them to do it themselves."

"You don't think they would, do you?"

"There is no point as none of them has an heir to think of," Cador assured her. He smiled and leaned back in his chair, "I think all of the kings have accepted that one day their lands will fall to the Pendragon clan. Alined only cares about his wealth; as long as he can be buried with all his riches he doesn't care who inherits his mistreated people when _he_ dies. Margh is so old he probably _will_ be buried before Dumnonia gets a sniff of war. Olaf has only Vivian to think of and as long as she gets keep the castle and marries a Cymric prince with access to a goldmine I don't think _she_ cares what happens to her kingdom when her father dies."

Gwen chuckled, "And what about the fourth king?"

Cador shook his head, "Melwas is the only one _I'd_ be worried about. He is still young enough to think it worth starting a fight with Arthur one day."

Gwen hoped that wasn't true as stories of King Melwas had reached even the ears of the servants. He could be a reasonable man when he wanted to be, but when someone had something that he wanted all that reason went out the window. He would snatch the thing he wanted and keep it for himself. Gwen dreaded to think of Camelot falling under the influence of such a wayward man.

She decided to move away from the subject slightly. "Do you ever worry about Cornwall's defence, Cador?"

He smiled, "All the time—that is why my army is so vast. It costs a lot to keep them patrolling the borders and truth is they could probably use a good war. Thankfully my tin and gold exports keep them fed and happy if not a little bored."

At that moment Ysgudydd walked in a bowed politely. "Sorry to interrupt but your bath and fresh clothes are prepared, my lady."

Cador placed down his cup and stood as Gwen got to her feet. He was still a gentleman at heart and it made Gwen felt awkward once again at being treated as more than 'just a servant'. Only Morgana had ever treated her slightly better than a servant and only Arthur could make her forget she was a servant altogether.

"Let us hope the cold has not set in," he said softly as she made her way to the door.

Gwen turned and smiled faintly. "Thank you again for your kindness."

Cador smiled back, "It is my pleasure. Think of it as a thank you to your father for all the fine armour and swords he made for me all those years ago."

And with one last smile between them Gwen closed the door and Cador was left alone in his study once again.

-

The small travelling party consisted of just Arthur, Kay, Leon and Geraint as well as several of the guard. It was based on Gaius's advice as to how many men would be needed to kill this 'demonic creature' that the farmer William described. He too would accompany them on the journey back to his village on the western front. Originally Arthur had intended to take Percival with him but after a leg injury during training Gaius advised him to remain off his leg for at least two days so Arthur chose Geraint instead. It had not escaped the attention of the other knights that Arthur still distanced himself from Lamorak. It was nice seeing that little weasel backed into a corner.

Merlin saddled up Arthur's horse while they waited for the rest of the knights to come out. Eventually they began to file out one by one. Geraint was first before he was quickly followed by Leon who sad one final goodbye to his wife Lady Leon before rushing down to meet the others. The very sight of Leon and his wife stuck a dagger through Arthur's heart and he had to look away. The last one to step out was Kay and he was accompanied by Lady Bedivere and her two boys.

That was even harder to watch.

Kay ruffled the hair of both of the boys before taking Lady Bedivere in his arms and embracing her before mounting his horse. She stood on the steps with her sons' hands in each of hers and watched as he trotted over to join the other men.

The young knight was smiling until he saw Arthur's rather put-off face. He looked down awkwardly, "Excuse me, sire, I was just saying goodbye to Gladys."

Arthur looked up and forced a smile. "You are entitled seeing as you are engaged."

"That reminds me," Kay suddenly announced and turned to Leon. "I spoke to Gladys about what Leonora said; little Bedivere and Lucas really liked playing with your little Leon and want to know if they could do it again."

Leon laughed, "Yes, Nora said! She said she'd be talking to Gladys about it while we're away, girl talk and all that."

Before Kay could make his reply Arthur cleared his throat very loudly. Merlin looked between his master and the knights awkwardly before stepping back, realising that Arthur wanted to leave. The knights all looked at him but he did not look back instead muttering, "If you could discuss your private lives in your spare time I'd be very much obliged, gentlemen. Or if you _must_ discuss it, do it on the journey to the village rather than holding us up here in the courtyard."

Kay and Leon mutter in unison, "Excuse us, sire."

Arthur offered Merlin one final glance. The young manservant knew that any talk of wives and fiancées just reminded him that he too was to be engaged and swiftly married... to a woman that was not Guinevere. Kay and Leon knew this but deep down Arthur did not begrudge them their happiness, especially not Kay. In many ways he felt happy for him and was glad Kay, unlike Arthur, had not lost Lady Bedivere because his father disapproved of her. There was nothing to disapprove of, damned perfectly matched pair.

The prince caught another sight that irritated him, another old married couple walking arm in arm. It hurt so much just to look at them, this old pair! He decided then that he had to leave before looking like a fool in front of the knights and the guard. "Typical," he muttered to Merlin, if anyone, with his eyes firmly fixed on his reins, "that everyone is allowed to have their love for a wife but me." His eyes turned to Merlin, "Ensure that my cousins are given adequate accommodation."

Merlin nodded, "Adequate and far away from your chambers, sire. I promise."

Arthur managed to smile before he assured the neutral face of a prince and finally drove his horse on, beckoning his knights to follow. "Onwards," he called to them, "if you must prattle on then do it at a steady pace."

Merlin stepped back with the other menservants and bid the prince, the knights and guards farewell. "Good luck with your lot, Merlin!" Kay said, turning and chuckling before returning to his conversation with Leon earlier. "I have always wondered what the girls do when we're not watching."

Leon shrugged, "Nora likes to paint, play musical instruments, read..."

"Gossip," Geraint jumped in. "Not just Nora, I mean, girls in general. I have yet to meet a woman yet that did not enjoy a good wrangle with a few other women about whether so and so did such and such. They also do a lot of sewing..."

"Brush their hair," Kay added with a smile.

"Style their hair," Leon agreed, before further saying, "not to mention doing their make-up. Goodness, sometimes it takes Nora hours to prepare in the morning..."

Arthur had enough! He urged his horse further on to get away from the domestic conversation between his men unable to bear any more. It forced the knights to abandon their talks in order to keep up with him. At the end of the trail the poor, slow and overwhelmed farmer William trotted after them on his donkey in a desperate attempt to keep up with them.

Merlin watched until Arthur was out of sight before he turned to go back inside. He excused himself to the other menservants and made his way to home. He was still annoyed from his argument with Morgana and tired from rushing around all morning helping Arthur prepare to leave.

It didn't help that he still hadn't fully forgiven Gaius for tricking him and helping Uther in exiling Gwen. It wasn't even so much what he did to Gwen that still hurt Merlin so much (although it did hurt) but the fact that he used something that he knew had been tormenting not only Morgana but him too in order to fulfil Uther's wishes. It was like being sold out... only less deadly. He could understand Gaius's reasons and the difficulty of the situation. Merlin didn't even feel angry (He had not the energy to feel angry). He just felt betrayed and it the reason he felt so sore about it was that of all the people to betray him... it was Gaius.

Merlin walked through the door and found Gaius at his bench preparing what looked like another sleeping draught for him and Morgana. He looked up the moment he heard his assistant walk in. The old man wasn't stupid, he knew that Merlin hadn't been taking the draught and now he was being affected by the lack sleep it was obvious.

"You're home early," Gaius finally said as Merlin rested against the door. "Has Arthur already gone?"

Merlin sighed, "Yep—he's left me to deal with the arrangements for Princess Elaine and Prince Gawain. I don't know where to begin."

"I'm sure Gawain will be happy with his usual apartments," Gaius said absently as he added another ingredient to the concoction. "Elaine was just fourteen the last time she was here and she usually had a chamber linked to her mother's apartments. I'm sure Anna would wish the same now but I imagine Elaine will desire a larger room."

"As long as it is as far away from his chambers Arthur doesn't care where Elaine is," Merlin told him, walking over to a chair near the bench and collapsing into it.

"The furthest rooms away from Arthur's chambers are in the far-northern wing of the castle," Gaius advised Merlin helpfully. "That part of the castle provides the largest family living area in the castle."

Merlin groaned, "But those rooms haven't been used in years. I'll have to clean them out."

"I'm only trying to help," the old man said putting another herb into the remedy. "If you need to clean it out then get Cecilia to help you. I imagine she won't mind getting away from Morgana to do something better. You could ask Gregory, Sarah and Erec—his arm is out of the sling at last."

Merlin sighed, "If Gwen were here she'd have helped me..."

"Although I'm not sure how comfortable she'd have been preparing the room of the woman set to marry Arthur," Gaius muttered without thinking.

Merlin's reaction was to just smile; had Gwen still been here things would have been very different. He certainly wouldn't have asked her help in preparing Elaine's chambers. He didn't really want to do it himself. In his mind he imagined Elaine to be a snobbish princess like all the others in Albion. He dreaded to think that he might be stuck with her for the rest of his life if she does marry Arthur...

He jumped out of his chair and walked towards his room before he stopped and turned around. "Gaius may I have my sleeping draught tonight, and could you send one to Morgana too?"

The old man looked up, "Do you promise not to waste it?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll make you both one as soon as I have finished these two off," Gaius said, mixing the new sleeping draught together.

Merlin tilted his head. "I thought—so who do these two bottles belong to?"

He picked up the bottle to look at it. It was a slightly different colour to the ones Gaius usually gave to Morgana and him.

Gaius glanced at him again debating for a second whether to answer. "That one is for Princess Elaine and the one I am making now is for Queen Anna."

"Do they have trouble sleeping?"

"Sometimes," Gaius admitted, hoping his young friend wouldn't ask too many questions. "Elaine has a whole manner of problems but these are not just sleeping draughts."

"What are they then?" Merlin asked.

Gaius took the bottle from his hand. "It is medicine for a different affliction."

"And they both suffer from the same 'affliction'?" the young warlock said thoughtfully, picking up on Gaius's unease at discussing it. "So it is hereditary?"

"I suppose so," Gaius said with equal thoughtfulness having never considered that possibility before although it was obvious. "Anna inherited _this affliction_ from her mother. Fortunately Arthur's mother never... displayed _strong_ symptoms for the affliction the way that Anna did."

Merlin had suspected for a while that magic ran somewhere in Arthur's family ever since Gawain told him that Elaine had 'a touch' of magic the evening after the joust. Now Gaius was preparing a very specific potion for both the princess and the queen. It made the whole alliance very risky and Merlin even momentarily feared for Elaine's future if Uther were ever to realise the truth. Would the famed Queen really take that risk with her daughter's life with the knowledge of her brother-in-law's hatred of magic?

"What about 'The Black Knight'? I mean, when he was a man, did he ever display the... affliction?" Merlin asked, his eyes hinting that he knew what Gaius was trying to avoid telling.

Gaius looked up at him again. "I believe this affliction only affects the _female_ side of the family. It tends to pass over generations when males are concerned."

"How do you know all this?"

"Because the queen's mother told me she inherited it from her grandmother," Gaius said, noting the knowing look in Merlin's eyes and keen to keep the conversation going. He missed the 'engaging' talks through Merlin's frequent reminding him that he still hadn't forgiven him for what happened to Gwen. "And I knew the queen's mother very well and her husband too."

"They sound like a colourful family," Merlin admitted, wondering how Arthur would react to knowing about a natural gift (of which he knew nothing) ran in his own family tree. "I just think it's a good job Arthur doesn't want to have children else Uther might be responsible for the deaths of several of his granddaughters."

Gaius finished the draught and placed it down. "How strong do you want the sleeping draughts?"

"As long as you aren't trying to sneak another of my friends out of Camelot behind my back I don't care if you used 'The Invincible Spell' on me," Merlin muttered.

There it was! "I'll make it strong since neither of you have slept well for over a week now."

Merlin nodded, "Thank you."

The lack of sleep reminded him that he was still angry with Morgana over their argument. He stepped into his room and looked over at the desk in the corner. On it were all those spells that he had written out neatly with added corrections, improvements and notes that he had discovered while using the spells. Now they were all bound together with wax and string ready to have a cover attached to them. All he needed was to find a book the right size that Gaius wouldn't miss...

Merlin threw a blanket over the whole lot!

He didn't want to think about magic right now. Instead he just wanted to get the rooms prepared (and he would enlist the help of his friends), take the sleeping draught and go to bed so that when he awoke in the morning for the _possible_ arrival of Anna, Elaine and Gawain he would be fresh and alert even if he did have the _dreaded_ dream.

Then he would have the right mindset to face Morgana again. He was glad about that as these days Merlin began to feel that she really was the only person he could talk to about his magic. He didn't feel as comfortable talking to Gaius anymore after what happened. Merlin felt over time he would be able to trust Gaius again but for now... Merlin just hoped Morgana would follow his example and take the sleeping draught too.

Then maybe he could help her.

-

Despite her earlier protests Gwen did feel better once she was in the bath. In her whole life she had rarely enjoyed the luxury of having a long soak in the tub and was only able to wash herself while standing in a bowl. There were always trips to the local bathhouse but it was frowned upon for any respectable girl to go due to the 'goings on' down there so Gwen had always been certain to go with a good crowd of girls if she did dare go.

The only thing that Gwen disliked about having baths was that Ysgyrdav sat to the side of the room by the screen watching her.

The first time she took a bath after coming to Tintagel Castle she had been alarmed by the old servant's insistence on helping her by offering to wash her back, clean her hair, brush her hair, dry her... it was all too much. Gwen had spent most of her life serving other women in this way but now she received the attention it had felt bizarre.

Ysgyrdav had found Gwen's embarrassment funny.

"You need not cover up for me, my dear," she said amusedly. "I have had six daughters and seven sons so the nakedness of young people does not vex me nor should it vex you."

She had waited patiently until Gwen finally removed the cloth she had wrapped around her body and held back her hair while she climbed awkwardly into the bath.

After a week of scenes like this Gwen became used to Ysgyrdav's constant company even when she was sitting naked in the tub. She imagined it was the same for most nobility; they eventually become desensitised to showing their modesties to their maidservants or menservants. That said Gwen still insisted on doing a lot of things such as dressing and bathing _unaided_.

Gwen looked over at Ysgyrdav. The old woman was laying out the cloth to dry her young mistress and then disappeared behind the screen to pick up the wet discarded clothes to send them to be washed. When she returned and sat down again she noticed Gwen watching her.

"Is there something you'd like to ask?" Ysgyrdav asked knowingly.

Gwen turned to look at the warm water running down her fingers. "I was just wondering about Cador and whether he ever received any visitors to the island. I've been here over two weeks now but I've never seen anyone apart from the neighbouring barons come here."

"The Duke has more or less kept himself in semi-isolation ever since his brother died about thirteen years ago," the servant woman explained. "He travels very little and the only contact he receives outside Cornwall is the occasional letter."

Gwen lay back in the warm water and sighed, "I wonder why he never married and had children."

Ysgyrdav smiled. "Cador took the oath of chivalry when he was a young man long before the former duke Gorlois died."

"Why?"

"The same reason most men take the vow," the woman replied, not ashamed to reveal her master's past to the young woman. It was by no means a secret after all and Gwen was bound to hear about it some time. "He was in love with a young woman but she married another man."

"And there was never anyone else?"

"He never bothered to look for anyone else," Ysgyrdav explained sadly before she suddenly chuckled and added, "But it doesn't help that to this day Cador remains completely in love with the woman that broke his heart over twenty years ago. He will still do anything she asks of him and – _my god_ – does that woman have plans!"

The old servant walked up to her with the fresh cloth. Gwen climbed out of the bath and allowed Ysgyrdav to wrap it around and around her just like mothers did with children, snugly tucking her up tightly inside the warmth of the cloth so she would dry quickly.

Gwen tilted her head curiously. "What was the woman's name?"

Ysgyrdav did not reply but brought out the fresh and dry clothes for Gwen to dress in before hurrying her behind the screen. "Do you need any assistance with the fastening, my dear?" the old woman called after a few minutes.

"No," Gwen said uncomfortably before relenting. "Actually, yes I do—if you don't mind..."

Ysgyrdav aided her without another word. She could understand Gwen's pride in being able to do many things herself having been a servant all her life.

Once the dress was done up another servant entered to inform Gwen that it was time for dinner and that Cador requested her presence. That was another thing she had to get used to. Gwen was used to a much simpler life. It had taken her a while to adjust to people making her dinner for her rather than having to do it herself. Usually Cador left Gwen to eat dinner privately in her room but sometimes he asked her to join him. It felt strange sitting at a long table, she at one end and Cador at the other surrounded by more food than either of them could ever eat. Gwen always tried to force down more than she really wanted – she didn't have much of an appetite anyway – and then having a tummy ache later that evening.

It seemed that the duke didn't have much of an appetite either, barely touching his food. Gwen could think of nothing better to do than take a large swig from her wine cup. After a long period of silence Cador finally tried to strike up a conversation with her.

"How are you finding Ysgyrdav as a servant woman?" he suddenly asked.

Gwen swallowed her drink hard. "She is very... attentive, thank you. She has a habit of doing things whether want her to or not."

"She is just trying to take care of you."

"I know," she replied quickly. "I am very grateful for everything she does but I'm still getting used to it."

"Well, you'll get used to it in time," Cador assured her with a smile. "I think it'll make good practise for you."

Gwen wasn't sure what he meant but 'good practise' but she wasn't interested enough to pursue that line conversation. Instead she thought of what Ysgyrdav had told her about Cador and his past. Her thoughtfulness did not go unnoticed.

He tilted his head and smiled. "You seem distracted this evening, Gwen. Is there something on your mind?"

She looked up. "I was just thinking about something Ysgyrdav told me..."

"About me?"

"Yes," Gwen admitted. "She mentioned that you took the Oath of Chivalry when you were younger."

"Yes I did when I was twenty-three," Cador confirmed. The middle-aged man looked down at his full plate and sighed. "I didn't think it would matter because I always assumed my brother would marry again, have an heir and the family line would be secure... but he has died and now only Morgana and I remain. Once I die and Morgana marries there ends our family house."

Gwen tilted her head. "The Oath of Chivalry is not unbreakable... is there no one you could cast your eye upon with favour?"

Cador did not know how much Ysgyrdav had told Gwen about his past but he decided to tease her nonetheless. "You mean apart from your good self?"

She chuckled amusedly, "I'm being serious, my lord..."

"So am I!" he laughed with equal amusement. He crossed his arms and smiled, "Honestly, Guinevere, had you been born twenty years earlier... but alas here you are just bursting into womanhood and here I am nearly half a century in age and losing my looks."

Gwen nodded her head gratefully. "Well, I'm flattered, my lord... and for what it's worth you are still good-looking in an 'older man' sort of way."

Cador gave her a surprised look. "I'll take that as a compliment...shall I?"

"Not that I'm saying you are old," she quickly added. "I just meant... older than me."

The duke sighed from his laughter. "Well if I thought I could get away with it I'd steal you for myself but I restrain myself in respect for your late father, my dearly missed friend Thomas." His tone then changed to a more serious and thoughtful note, "No, in my whole life there was only one woman I ever truly loved... but I lost the chance to marry her and in the end she married someone else."

"I'm sorry," Gwen said sympathetically.

She understood more than anyone how he must have felt when that first happened. The thing that was especially sad is that Cador appears to have never recovered from the loss of the woman he loved. Gwen felt wounds would never heal either, and Cador confirmed it. The rest of her life Gwen felt she would be haunted by memories of Arthur, what they had and how it had all been cruelly snatched away from her. She placed her hands on her lap and sat back.

Gwen managed to maintain her solemn little smile as she looked down at the plates on the table and slowly picked up an apple. Cador continued to watch her a few seconds longer before he too returned to the plates. Yet he still spoke.

"I find myself already fond of you," Cador confessed suddenly, causing Gwen to look away from her apple. "If I ever had married and had a daughter of my own I would have been pleased if she showed merely half the nobility I have seen in your character, Guinevere."

She placed down the apple on her own plate. "Thank you, my lord."

"The thing that makes me sad is that you seem so sad," Cador said as if making some long withheld confession to his charge. "You seem like the sort of girl that usually smiled a lot, makes the best of everything and always finds reason to be cheerful yet... every time I see you smile it is such a sad smile and nothing seems to take it away."

Gwen looked down. "I'm sorry if it offends you..."

"It doesn't I just hate to see such a lively young woman so crestfallen," Cador finished. He pushed his plate aside and propped his chin on in his hands regarding her. "I wish there was something I could do."

Gwen looked up again and smiled gratefully. "My lord, you have already been too kind to me in taking me in and treating me with such respect and consideration despite my station in life. I am _very_ content with life here and would still be so were it half as comfortable as it is. The reasons for my sadness... I will have to live with them."

She paused awkwardly as her expression became sadder but she still forced herself to smile.

"Being sent away from Camelot did not lessen my love for..." she paused again, swallowed and went on, "but _intensified_ it all the more. I suppose it's because now I have only memories, and I can no longer make new ones."

Cador watched her with interest. "I wouldn't give up, Gwen. There is always hope."

"I suppose there is but..."

The duke leant forward with renewed seriousness. "I mean it, Gwen. Never give up on hope because I did and look at me now; I'm a reclusive duke rarely speaks to anyone."

She sighed softly, "Part of me never wants to give up hope that one day... but I know it's silly to hope that things will ever be as they were before."

"In that case hope for better things," Cador advised her slyly. "They just might come true."

Part of her wanted to believe him but as the days drew on all Gwen feared was that over time she would truly be forgotten by people she knew and loved in Camelot. She didn't mind being unhappy as long as they remembered her. The thing she feared the most was that Arthur would forget. In heart she knew he wouldn't but she feared it so much.

But above all things she dreaded the day when news finally reached Tintagel that Arthur had finally succumbed to fate and married Elaine.

-

The word – or rather the _warning_ – that Queen Anna and her entourage were approaching Camelot came two hours in advance. Uther had set up a swift-riding messenger to station himself on the main road and to hurry back the moment he saw them coming over the horizon. This allowed for the castle to make any last minute preparations for this astonishingly important guest descending on the city. Uther never knew where he was with Anna so he always wanted to make things appear as perfect and smoothly running as possible even if she knew at the back of it the structure behind Uther's plans were falling to pieces.

Merlin had spent most of yesterday afternoon and evening preparing the assigned chambers for the royal family. It was ultimately decided that Anna and Elaine should share adjacent chambers while Gawain was placed somewhere close by. Uther declared that the far-_eastern_ quarters were the best choice. That was annoying for Merlin who along with Sarah, Erec and Gregory had spent a good few hours cleaning out the far-northern quarters.

"It's just as well we cleaned it out," Sarah had said to Merlin as they picked up their brooms and buckets to tend quickly to the far eastern quarters. "Everyone knows that Uther had been keeping it empty for when Arthur marries and has a family of his own. That's where the old nursery is, after all."

"It's a bit big for just Elaine," Merlin muttered.

The far eastern quarters were slightly smaller, close to where Percival, Lamorak and their sick mother's chambers were and, while not as far away from Arthur's chambers as he might have liked, it was far enough for Arthur to avoid ever seeing Elaine except at formal dinners. Plus it was not nearly has dusty or abandoned as the northern quarters so there was not too much work needed to prepare it for the next day.

Uther and Ambassador Áedh came to inspect the room after the servants had done. The king did everything save running his finger along the table to check for dust. In the end he grunted an approval and Áedh agreed that the room was "ideal" for the queen and her daughter. Merlin was then told that he would be responsible for ensuring the two of them had everything they needed when they arrived. He would also serve as a temporary servant to Gawain, which Merlin didn't mind as he liked Gawain.

The party from Eidin finally arrived in the afternoon of the next day. The Pendragon banners had been flying since early that morning and servants had been on stand-by for any chance of an early arrival, as it was just like Anna to make her men speed up in an attempt to catch Uther in his nightshirt as it were. The kitchen staff had been up since five that morning (and many hadn't even bothered to go to bed) preparing the dinner that would be held that evening. As could be expected, cook was still her lively self – yelling insults about the nobility, about the queen and her spoiled children, and then she brought up the subject of Gwen and how she was certain 'that Orcadian princess' couldn't hold a candle to 'our Guinevere'. And they agreed; deep down they all blamed this princess for their friend's exile.

Uther watched the banners of Lot sailing in the distance and get closer and closer before he finally decided to go down to the courtyard to greet his sister-in-law.

As he made his way down he thought of just two things; first, of Anna and how quickly she seemed to have reached Camelot (Although it had been several weeks) and second, of Arthur and how he had failed to return from the quest of killing the biscione in time to greet his aunt. There had been no news to Uther knew it could only be Arthur being awkward, taking his time to get to the western border and return. This was unfair as it took several hours to reach the border and by the time he would have reached there it would have been nightfall.

A small crowd of people watched as the Queen rode into the courtyard. In her youth Anna had been very popular with the people of Camelot despite their dislike for King Lot (and therefore his children). Gawain had won their love and approval when he visited last May but Elaine has even more reason to be resented; like the servants they also blamed her for what happened to Gwen. Yet they all took to the street just to catch a glimpse of Elaine 'the Fair'.

They were to be disappointed as while Anna rode upon a horse waving to the crowd she had been certain to conceal her daughter in a carriage even as they rode through the city. Most parties would stop, get out of their carriages and climb onto horses in a royal procession but Anna seemed determined to keep Elaine hidden like a surprise present. The truth was that Anna did not wish to expose her daughter too much to ridicule of the common people.

Uther watched as Anna and her men rode into the courtyard to be greeted by Uther, the knights, the Privy Council and Áedh.

The moment Uther clapped eyes on her he took a deep breath and prepared himself for wrangle. He watched her approach with apprehension. Anna had always been attractive but Uther had known her best before she truly became a woman. She had more or less still been a girl when Igraine died and she left Camelot to marry Lot. It was sometimes hard to remember that troublesome girl and the proud woman sitting on a horse were the same person. They felt as if they should be different.

Anna stopped and nodded to her brother-in-law from her stead.

Uther surprised everyone when he stepped forward and offered his arms to help Anna down from her horse. She smiled and allowed him to help her, coming down with a loud flump and not with the grace one might have imagined of that elegant woman that had moments ago been propped straight-backed and tall on the horse.

"Greetings Uther," she finally said after a relieved breath. It had been a long journey but in her mechanical mind of ideas Anna knew it would be worth it just to see all her hard work pay off. She embraced Uther in a way that took him by surprise, "Fine – don't be pleased to see me."

"Of course I'm pleased to see you," Uther lied thought his smiling teeth.

"I'm sure," Anna said, looking him up and down before smiling cheekily. "You... haven't aged well in the last – what was it – four years?"

"You are too kind," he said sarcastically. "I only wish I could say the same of you."

Anna made such a beautifully dazzlingly smile that even the old council members felt like swooning. She tilted her head and nodded, "At least your dull sense of wit hasn't changed."

"I gave up trying to be witty around you, Anna," Uther admittedly readily. "It is a battle I know I always lose."

"Hmm" Anna agreed, narrowing her eyes in a mock attempt at looking serious, "Thank God this upcoming war won't be one of wits then. Your contribution to the war effort would be a meagre one. Arthur on the other hand—"

The queen looked behind Uther and did not seem surprised to not spy her nephew in the crowd. However she humoured her brother-in-law by acting ignorantly. "Strange... where is my dear nephew? I hope he is not keeping himself from me."

"Not at all," Uther said quickly, having prepared himself for Arthur's absence. "He was called away on urgent business near the western border. It is a biscione according to Gaius. He should be back tomorrow, we hope."

Anna looked up thoughtfully. "Ah, _that's_ what it was... I see. Dear old Gaius, I look forward to seeing him again. Well, that's fair enough. I shall look forward to see my only nephew tomorrow, then."

"Indeed," Uther replied. He looked among the men curiously before he finally mentioned something that he had noticed earlier. "Where... are Gawain and Elaine?"

The queen looked up at Uther slyly before she turned around and walked slowly towards the carriage, which still remained closed. She spoke as she walked and Uther followed. "It's funny that you should mention this biscione because there were also received reports of a beast when we landed at a port in Melwas's kingdom – he was very attentive and charming – a day or so ago. Gawain asked to take a few men and seek out the creature. I knew you wouldn't mind him being a day or so late so I agreed. I imagine he is there now."

Uther nodded, "Not at all—this beast was in _Melwas's_ kingdom?"

"Erm I can't remember," Anna said distractedly, an indication that she had lost interest in pursuing the subject. "Gawain was the one who heard the report... why? Do you think there might be a swarm of these bisciones?"

"Well, no, not necessarily..." Uther spluttered.

"Because if there is thank God we made it here unharmed," Anna said dramatically, cutting off Uther's weak attempt of reasoning. She had only been there five minutes and she was already running circles around him. "I dread to think what might have happened if we had encountered one of these creatures _and _without Gawain to defend us..."

Uther sighed, "Yes...indeed."

Anna smiled, pleased to have frustrated Uther already. It pleased her all the most that she had manage to do it so quickly. She looked up at the carriage door and knocked on it gently. "Come now, Elaine," she called cheerfully, "are you going to sit in there all day?"

Uther snapped his head so quickly when he looked to the door that his neck cranked painfully. He was left clutching it as the door immediately swung open and there sat the long awaited Elaine. Everyone leant forwards to see her as she stepped out of the carriage and stood before the king and queen.

"I was awaiting your summons, mother," the girl said sarcastically.

There was no denying it – Elaine was beautiful. She was superior in looks to any female courtier Camelot could have thrown up to compare to her including Morgana. While other women, even the really beautiful ones, had _some_ imperfections in their appearance Elaine's looks were almost too perfect to believe. There were some who looked at her and double took, not quite believing that someone could be _that_ beautiful.

Yet it was a designed beauty, much like all beauty among the nobility. Anna had once surprised the people of Camelot herself when she first visited the kingdom after becoming Lot's queen. They remembered a pretty yet unremarkable girl but she returned a gorgeous and glamorous consort to a king. Although Anna had never valued beauty she felt that queens and princesses should look superior – regardless of whom they were – and had gained a reputation for being something of a 'queenmaker'.

Still, even with all the artificial glamour taken away Elaine would probably still outside the likes of any noblewoman at court.

Elaine's eyes were large and indefinable in colour although, standing in the courtyard in harsh overcast, they appeared dark grey. She was as fair as Guinevere had been dark. She was dressed in a dark blue dress that suited her perfectly and her flaxen blonde tresses almost looked white in the harsh grey sky. Her appearance was pleasing although it was an unusual style to the one worn by the ladies of Camelot's court. They would no doubt tease her but Elaine had an air that declared she didn't care what anyone said. Yet it was an air that did not appear snobbish.

All the knights and council members standing at the main entrance nearly fell forwards over each other trying to get a closer look. Even Uther felt a little dazzled when he saw his son's bride-to-be.

Elaine recognised her uncle immediately and curtsied. "Uncle," she said simply, not knowing what else to say. In her wonderment she looked to her mother who shrugged in response. Elaine rolled her eyes and forced a smile, "It is good to see you so well."

"And you, my dear" Uther said graciously.

He offered his hand to Elaine to lead her back to the castle which she took politely. He offered his other hand to Anna but she chuckled and said, "You don't need to stroll around with two blondes on your arms to look good, do you?"

"I'm just being courteous," Uther said awkwardly.

Anna took the hand and laughed, "Goodness Uther! You can never take a joke, can? You'd think as you reached middle age you'd have finally acquired a sense of humour."

Elaine didn't know whether to chuckle or keep a straight face. She chose the latter; any smiles and it might give the wrong impression. The last thing she wanted Uther to think was that she was happy about the idea of marrying Arthur.

The council members, knights and even Áedh fumbled at the sight of the beautiful princess and the remarkable Anna. They could all remember Anna back when she was Elaine's age and while there was a lot of her in the girl she had never been quite as pretty as Elaine. Seeing her nonetheless brought back the nostalgia of the 'good old days'.

After greeting the rabble and leaving the knights to deal with the party from Eidin Uther led the ladies inside where they were greeted by other members of the court and Morgana. The ladies all turned their noses up at Elaine – much as they had done with poor Gwen – disgusted by her superior beauty and her peculiar clothes. When one commented on it Elaine retorted that it was the style in Eidin and all the best ladies wore them.

"That is a _lovely_ shawl, by the way" she added cattily before Uther and Anna tugged her on to present her too Morgana.

Morgana didn't know what to make of Elaine even before she saw the woman. On the one hand here was a girl that she had played with during childhood, literally. Morgana had adored Elaine's beautiful, glossy flaxen hair and had enjoyed plating it and styling it when they were younger. She would be a face this young woman would look to for support in this strange kingdom. It was so hard though to forget that but for _her_ Gwen would still be in Camelot!

No—that was not Elaine's fault, Morgana told herself. Elaine probably didn't want to marry Arthur any more than he did her. She knew that.

Yet the moment she saw Elaine she didn't think of any of those things. It had been the surprise of seeing her face that stunned Morgana into spluttering out the following: "I have to say that while you haven't changed much I still expected you to be... different."

The reason for Morgana's choice of words was simple although Elaine could not know them. It was the girl, the girl in her dream. And it _wasn't_ Elaine. It was a girl that looked like Elaine... but it wasn't her.

Morgana was the one to accompany Elaine to the chambers she would be staying in and probably remaining in too. Uther had gone elsewhere with Anna to greet other members of the court. The original plan had been for Elaine to be with them but Anna said that she was sure her daughter was tired and would prefer a lie down. That was a hint and Elaine was grateful for it.

As they approached the chambers Merlin came out of the room almost as if he had sensed them coming. He could barely believe his eyes when he saw Elaine. It had occurred to him just as it had to Morgana that the girl in their dreams was not Elaine but he was more taken with her beauty and the familiar overwhelming instinct he felt when he saw people of his kind, people with magic. If Gaius's secret potions hadn't convinced him that Anna and Elaine had magic, he felt it now.

He only wished that he could have kept his feelings (or instincts) hidden because he very clumsily came forward to greet the two ladies and smiled gracelessly. His gawky behaviour did not go unnoticed by Morgana who suddenly felt a great tinge of bitterness towards both of them.

Morgana's bitterness was amplified all the more when she saw Elaine's expression. It seemed that, at first, the appearance of Merlin hadn't quite dawned on her. Then when he introduced herself she took a moment looking at him, admiring his face before her eyes widened. She quickly recovered her composure and smiled.

"Good afternoon, your highness" Merlin bowed.

"Thank you; and good afternoon to you too," she replied curiously. He lifted his head and she spoke again, "What is your name?"

"Merlin," he replied with a smile, before he saw Morgana's face and withdrew the smile. Gwen was exiled, remember, he thought. He cleared his throat, "I mean... My name is Merlin, _my lady_."

Elaine smiled knowingly, "Of course! My brother mentioned you from last time he was here."

Merlin's eyes lit up, "Really?"

"He said you were of great help after he was injured in that joust," she explained.

Merlin had almost forgotten that day when Gawain had nearly died from a fall and he had used his magic to heal him despite the risk of being caught. He had been caught but Gawain's good nature and understanding had protected Merlin once again from discovery. He had confessed that his sister had a touch of the gift too... and now he was confronted with her Merlin could _feel_ that it was true.

"Yeah, well, he took a nasty fall and we were all helping him," Merlin garbled out.

Morgana's nose twitched before she turned to Elaine and smiled. "Is the room to your satisfaction?"

Elaine wandered around the chambers solemnly. She tested the bed, walked through a wicker door to see the dining area and the door where the room conjoined with her mother's room. Eventually she sighed and forced a grateful smile, "It's very nice, thank you. It is certainly the nicest chambers I have had since leaving mad uncle Ceretic's kingdom before the voyage here to Dumnonia."

"How was the sea voyage?" Morgana asked generally.

"Horrible," Elaine said simply, grabbing a stand of her glossy curls and twisting it around her finger. "I couldn't wait to get back on dry land again. Passage through the sea is not an enjoyable thing for me. At one point the wind blew us close towards Hibernia; everyone one was on guard. We were so close to the land at one point that I could actually see Brittas. Then the wind settled and blew us safely back towards Albion..."

Merlin and Morgana stared at her. After a moment she came out of her daze and smiled gratefully to both of them. "Thank you Morgana for showing me the way here," she said softly. "And thank you Merlin for organising this room for my family and I."

The young warlock smiled, "You're welcome."

Elaine nodded, "If you'll excuse me I would be grateful of a lie down..."

"Of course," the pair said in chorus. "If you need anything, just ask for me," Merlin added politely, causing Morgana click her jaw in annoyance, especially when Elaine said she'd be 'sure to do that'.

Outside the room Merlin closed the door and immediately Morgana said coolly, "Come to my chambers, _now_." It was a request that he was startled to get as she had said it so harshly. He knew he probably shouldn't be visiting her after yesterday's argument and assumed that she was still angry about that. Either that or she was annoyed that he had left that sleeping draught with Cecilia last night in case Morgana had decided to relent and take the potion.

He glanced at her carefully as she strode furiously along; she didn't look as tired but in her bad temper it was difficult to tell if she had had any sleep or the dream. Again, he wanted to ask but was too worried to dare in case she snarled at him again.

As they approached the staircase that led to her chambers Merlin finally said something. "I wonder who the girl in our dream is then. I mean, since it can't be Elaine... do you think?"

"Hmm" Morgana only said in response.

Once they were inside the room Merlin finally found out why Morgana was being so short with him today. The moment she slammed the door shut she turned on him like a dog on a chicken. "What on earth was that all about just then with Elaine?"

"Exactly what I said, she obviously isn't the girl in the dream..."

"No," she snapped harshly, shutting him up immediately. "I meant the way you were all smiles and sunshine chatting away with her as if you were old friends, _staring_ at her..."

"I'd hardly call offering to help if she needs anything 'talking like old friends'," Merlin replied defensively. "Besides, she's not a bad person. She was polite to me when most nobility treat me like dirt under their shoes. I like serving people who are _nice_ to me."

"And what about the fact you were drooling all over her?" Morgana retorted.

Merlin blushed, "I wasn't drooling all over her. I admit she's pretty but—"

The lady turned around briefly to vent her anger silently before turning back to him and saying, "And what about your loyalty to Gwen?"

"What about yours?" Merlin countered. "_You_ can afford to be snobbish and mean to a member of the nobility on account of loyalty to a friend. I can't—I get ratted out by obscure nobility, nice or not, to people like Uther and then I'm punished. You want to be cruel to Elaine senselessly then be my guest... but I didn't see any coldness in your demure."

Morgana looked to the side, "Elaine is an old friend so I couldn't just..."

"And I don't even know the woman!" Merlin added. He sighed and shook his head, "Being nasty to her for no reason is pointless. Gwen would be ashamed if we even considered it on her account." He glanced over at Morgana again, "I haven't given up on Gwen but I don't see how being mean to Elaine will solve anything."

Morgana bit her lip, "You didn't need to be so, so...so..."

"What, so what?" Merlin said in frustration.

"_Keen_ on her," Morgana finished

She turned away, apparently in anger although it was really to hide a blush. It was very obvious now what was _really_ bothering Morgana about the way he had been so nice to Elaine. Merlin didn't know what to say about it.

"And you don't need to make up rubbish about her being nice," she added quickly, hoping to regain so dignity. "I saw the way you looked at her. It was like, like how you looked at me sometimes, when you felt that connection with me..."

Merlin took a deep breath. "Morgana..."

"Not that you need magic to 'feel a connection'," she scoffed. "The way Cecilia was all over you, _backstabbing_ me and you just encouraged her just like all those other gullible servant girls. You just love being centre of attention, don't you?"

"That's rich coming from someone who flirts with anything that moves!" Merlin snarled back.

That hit a nerve. She slapped him hard across the face. Then she hit him in the right shoulder, the left shoulder, the chest, and so on... over and over. Merlin stumbled slightly but he did not shift or crumble in pain. Her blows hurt but Arthur had beaten him so much more harshly that he could take it. She continued in this vain until the blows came weaker and slower until all that she could manage was to bump her clenched fists against his heart. Then she stopped.

Merlin brought his hands up to hold her wrists. They stood silently for a moment of contemplation, the power raging between them and their passion making it all the more intense. The breaths were harsh and quick, they swallowed nervously. It was the only thing they could do to avoid doing the unthinkable sins they wanted to.

"I'm sorry I said that," Merlin said quietly.

"I'm sorry I said... all that rubbish," Morgana said apologetically. "I'm just... so _tired_."

"I know."

"I don't mean _physically_ tired, although I am," she explained confusingly. "I mean tired of... lying about how I feel about..." She stopped. Morgana said nothing for a long while. She just stood with her wrists in his hands and her forehead resting against his chin. She then took a painful, laboured breath and looked up to him, her eyes wild. "I _can't_ take this anymore, Merlin! I can't pretend..."

"I know," he said, still sounding calm.

"Is that all you can say?"

He freed her from his grasp. "What else can I say? I know how you feel because I feel it too or have you forgotten that? I know _exactly_ how you're feeling. I can sense it, _taste it_... just as clearly as you do. But this _cannot be_, Morgana. We just have to live with it."

She stared blankly at him. "Why?"

"You know why!" Merlin said, his voice now starting to pick up again. "If Uther found out he'd kill us! If he found out how we came too—I mean, if he knew we practised... _he'd kill us twice_!"

"It didn't stop Arthur and Gwen."

"And look what happened to them," Merlin said firmly, making his point. He looked down trying to hide how saddened he felt by this fact but it had to be said even though both of them already knew it. "If you and I ever became... and we were caught then Uther wouldn't show any mercy. He would just kill me whether he knew I used magic or not."

Morgana bit her lip. "I know."

"Nothing can ever happen between us," Merlin said heaving a sigh that merged into an ironic laugh. "We probably shouldn't even be friends. I already risk my life enough... please don't ask me to risk it anymore than I have to." He forced himself to look at her but she was completely silent. He said his next words with greater reluctance and pain than he thought he would should the day have come when he had to say these words.

But he still managed to say them. "I think... things would be best if we kept our distance for a while."

Morgana looked at him, hurt.

"We shouldn't..." he added with even more reluctance, "I don't think we should talk to each other for a while. Maybe if we do that then this... feeling will go away."

There was a long pause when they both stood there and said nothing. After a while they managed to look each other in the eye. They had never really spoken about their feelings before now. It had been that tabooed 'thing' between them that was never mentioned. Yet now they were confronted with it (and the prospect of living without it) it hurt more than silence had.

Morgana swallowed dryly. "It won't go away, Merlin, any more than the likelihood of Arthur forgetting Gwen, or she forgetting him. _It will always be there_."

"Maybe," Merlin admittedly coolly, "but we have to try and stop this now else... well, else I think we're damned."

And on those words he turned to leave her. He then stopped suddenly. He didn't want to leave her on such a grim note although there was little he could say to offer comfort. Instead he opened the door and turned back to look at her. "Please start taking the sleeping draughts again," he asked softly. "You'll make yourself ill if you don't get some sleep soon."

Then he finally left.

As he walked back towards home Merlin forced himself to push his feelings to one side. His feelings for Morgana had to be put away where no one could see them and he wouldn't think about them. He had more important things to do. He had to figure out the dream – his dream – and he needed to find Gwen. He couldn't do that while worrying about Morgana. Now he had no excuse not to.

The trouble is he didn't know where to start on his own. He couldn't talk to Morgana and he didn't want to talk to Gaius. Not about the dreams or finding Gwen; he no longer trusted him about either. Even if he did Merlin doubted he would be any real help.

"I have no choice," he finally declared to Gaius once he got home. "I'll have to ask the dragon about the dreams."

"I thought you'd sworn never to speak to him again," Gaius said, well knowing Merlin's turbulent relationship with the giant lizard below the castle. "It must be important for you to invoke his advice."

"It is desperation," Merlin admitted with a helpless groan. "He's the only one left I could possibly ask about this..."

It did hurt Gaius that Merlin no longer felt he could speak to him about the problems that were bothering him, especially in regards to the dreams and Morgana. It was like they had lost something. Not that Gaius could blame him, nay, he felt he deserved it. He should have fought for Gwen and he didn't. Yet Gaius was glad that Merlin would speak to the dragon; maybe then Merlin would finally hear and understand just why Gaius had wanted to keep him away from Morgana...

The dragon was certain to tell him no matter how cryptically he does it.

-

The knights of Camelot reached the western village early that morning. The fact they had left Camelot in the afternoon rather than waiting until dawn that day they had been forced to stop and camp overnight a few miles outside the village.

Arthur had kept himself aloof all day and night, turning in early and listening to the conversation of his knights before he finally drifted off to sleep. He usually kept himself aloof from the knights but this was the first time he had really noticed just how detached he was from them. It wasn't that they spoke of loved ones and it painfully reminded him of Gwen as he continuously thought of her and felt constant pain whether they spoke of loved ones or not. It was the absence of Merlin, wittering on the entire time about... _rubbish_, that made Arthur realise just how disconnected he had become from the upper classes and how – though it shocked him to admit it – that his best friend was a servant.

He woke early and prepared himself to go just as the other knights had managed to drag themselves from their slumber. Still he did nothing but tell them to get ready so they could continue onwards towards the village near the western border.

After they rode over a few hills they stopped at the peak and looked down into the valley where the little village rested. Arthur had rarely taken much time to admire the terrain of his kingdom beyond the walls of Camelot but even in a distracted and pained state he still felt a rush of feeling every time he did manage to step back and take a look. From the top of the hills they could across the kingdom from every direction. In the north lay thick woodland that led to the holy grounds of Tor and its nearest neighbour, Melwas's kingdom. In the east lay the faint blue outside of mountains that denoted the far border beyond which lay the minor kingdoms. In the south there was more forest that stretched almost as far as the sea.

Arthur looked directly ahead of him.

Beyond the small village situated another terrain of forestry but it was only small as, merely ten miles or so beyond it, lay the Tamar and the border to Cornwall.

He turned to William. "Where does the creature usually attack?"

The terrified local pointed shakily towards the fields of corn – their precious grain supplies – and gulped in terror. "It waits in the crop fields for villagers to go by and then strikes with lighting speed," he explained shakily. "It swallows grown-men head-first _whole_!"

"Do you have any idea where it originally came from?" Kay asked.

"A several weeks back some of the villagers went on a pilgrimage to Tor in honour of blessed Michael," William explained. "The pilgrimage from Melwas's kingdom spoke of a terrifying creature. Two weeks later the creature turns up here in the village. Michael (not the aforementioned saint but the grain farmer) claims the creature came from the northern forests."

"How fast would you say this creature is?" Arthur asked, his eyes wandering between the location of the creature and the eastern border, "Apart from 'lightening speed'?"

"Very, _very_ fast, my lord" William spluttered out. "A man is usually half swallowed seconds after hearing the first rustle among the grain."

The guards looked at each other nervously while Leon, Geraint and Kay stared at Arthur waiting for a – hopefully – decent plan that would prevent them being eaten also. After a moment's contemplation Arthur realised that everyone was looking to him.

"We will have to lure it out of fields onto flat open terrain and surround it with spears," he told them before turning back to William, "I assume someone in your village will be able to advise us on an ideal patch of land?"

"Y-yes, sire..."

Arthur turned back to address his knights. "Let us go down to the village now, then."

The group obeyed and they swiftly rode their horses down the slope towards the tiny village. The return of William with the knights of Camelot and Prince Arthur himself brought people out from the houses to gawp at him. There were some people that had never left the village and therefore never seen the prince before.

Arthur and the knights dismounted their horses while the guards ushered the people a safe distance from the fields by leading them to the hills before returning to receive orders. William and the field farmer Michael found the flat plain of land that Arthur needed which they judged to be suitable and directed it to the prince.

"It's difficult to find flat land around here because the grounds are so hilly," the farmer Michael explained as he showed him the grounds. "I'd say this is the best spot—it's a fair distance from the field and it's fairly close to the western border river."

Arthur nodded. "This will have to do—hopefully this grass snake won't turn out to be a water snake also if it tries to flee. The relationship between our kingdom and Cador's is weak enough without inflicting a man-eating snake on his people."

Michael and William laughed nervously.

"I don't suppose anything else has happened here on the western border over the last few weeks," the prince said distantly, apparently testing the ground with his boot although in reality he wished to distract the two farmers' eyes from his face. "No other creature sightings or action near the western border—or the northern border for that matter."

The two men shrugged. "Most of us went on the pilgrimage to Tor and we saw nothing there," Michael confessed. "I was one of the few that remained here but I don't remember anything out of the ordinary..." William added.

Arthur sighed; it had been a long shot. He clutched the place where at his belt he had concealed the silver angel. Then he sighed again. Even if Guinevere had been taken via this route he doubted anyone here in the village would have noticed. There were heavy patrols of Camelot's outer line guards just ten miles either way up the river guarding the border from any (unlikely) attack from Cornwall. The sight of another group of guards wouldn't have appeared out of the ordinary.

A thought occurred to the prince. "The guards protecting the border aren't far from here, why did you come all the way to Camelot? Why didn't you ask them for help?"

"We tried," William told him, and looked down hesitantly. "They told us that under the king's orders they are forbidden from leaving their posts and told us to appeal directly to Camelot for assistance."

That made Arthur angrier at his father than he had been before he left. The amount of guards – some better trained than the ones Arthur had brought from the city – that Uther ordered to have stationed at the Tamar was beyond ridiculous. But Uther insisted that Camelot's territory had to be defended from any kingdom they hold no standing alliance with and his paranoia stopped him from thinking otherwise.

"I apologise that they did not help you," Arthur told the two men. "I will appeal to my father to ensure that... it won't happen again."

They both smiled gawkily. "Thank you, sire," said William.

Arthur took a deep breath and looked over towards the woodlands between them and the Tamar. "And," he picked up his question from before, "you have seen nothing... different? It doesn't have to be strange just irregular. No extra guards, no foreign guards... nothing?"

The two men looked at each other. "W-_ell_," William said slowly, taking a moment to think and falsely give hope that he may have remembered something. "No, not really," he finished.

Arthur sighed. "Very well..."

"Is this significant to the attack of the snake-monster?" Michael asked.

"No," the prince confessed, looking over at the fields where the creature lay. He managed to give them a reassuring smile, "No, it is nothing you should concern yourself about."

The two men felt a little helpless and wished there was something they could tell him. "There was the changing of the guard," William suddenly said. "But that happens every year around this time. I-I mean usually they stop in the village over night before going the ten miles back to the border b-but this time they didn't. I suppose it was because of the pilgrimage..."

Arthur didn't take in anything that William was saying through his own aching disappointment. He knew the poor man was trying to please him. "I suppose so," the prince said absently before patting William on the shoulder, "You and Michael should go to the hill with the others."

William nodded. "Yes, sire."

The two men made their way to the hills passing the guards as they did. Meanwhile Arthur returned to the knights as the guards gathered and listened to his plan as he drew it out in the dust on the ground with a stick.

"According to Gaius," Arthur began, pushing his sadness to one side, "a biscione not only has a taste for human flesh but it also has a poisonous bite. The venom is not fatal but as soon as it enters your bloodstream it paralyses you within seconds."

"So if you narrowly escape the jaws of being swallowed whole..." Kay began.

"Chances are you won't get very far," Leon finished.

"How long is it before the effects of the poison wear off?" Geraint asked.

"A few hours but by that time the biscione will probably have eaten you," Arthur told him. He cleared his throat. "It's a pity I didn't bring Lamorak," he muttered stiffly, not looking up from his diagram in the dust. "We could have used him as bait."

There was some nervous chuckling from the guards who were now worried that they would be the bait the prince would use. Then Kay asked the question they all dreaded; "How do we lure the snake from the fields?"

"William said it eats sheep as well as people..." Geraint suggested.

"I think these villagers have lost enough live stock," Leon told him. "Unless it was already chopped up and called mutton."

"That won't work either," said Arthur, "Gaius said that a biscione will only eat _live_ prey."

"Then what can we do?" Kay asked again.

"The creature has very poor eyesight," Arthur explained, remembering Gaius's recital from his book of dreaded creatures. "Yet it has acute hearing and it detects its prey by listening to is approach. That is probably why it only attacks when people walked near the field—it hears their footsteps and strikes once the people are close enough. Generally the more vibrations the sound makes the more likely the biscione will be to follow it."

He picked up his shield and unsheathed his sword.

"A group of us will hit the blades of our swords to our shields," he told them. Some of the guards looked ready to perform an obvious example to the group but Arthur stopped them. "Not yet. We have to beat our shields at a slow and steady place else we might frighten it. The sound should grab its attention."

Arthur then turned back to his freshly drawn plan in the earth.

"Once we lure it out we need to surround it," he said, picking up the stick to show the men what their movements would be. "Each of you (Referring to the knights) and I shall lead a group of men with spears," and he pointed to the head guard who was already handing them out to his men, "eventually creating a circle around the creature. We need to move quickly else the creature will just attack. Remember the faster you are the more likely you are to be eaten."

"I'll bear that in mind," Kay said gruffly, thinking of Gladys and the boys as he did.

"When we surround the creature we threaten it with the spears but _do not_ attack it," Arthur said with a tone of severity. If you do that would probably get you eaten too, it said. "We have to circle it very slowly. If we surround it and threaten it all as one it'll be less likely to single out one of us for attack. When the moment is right I shall make the move to destroy it."

"How?" asked Kay.

"Gaius said to remove its head," the prince told his associate. "But I don't want any heroics from you; none of the three of you move to attack the creature unless I am down, understand?"

Kay, Leon and Geraint all nodded softly as the head guard came forward to inform Arthur that all the guards had a spear. He straightened up and looked around. "Does anyone have any questions?" but no one said anything. Arthur nodded slowly and picked up his own spear, "Right, let's go. Remember—_slow_ movements. No one begin the beating until I give the signal."

Arthur could smell the fear coming off every man that stood there in that field as they made their way over to the flat ground William and Michael had found for them. He was certain the biscione would smell it too and, hopefully, would lure it out all the faster. He was almost shamed to be thinking that way. Each of these men had families, wives and children to return to. Kay had Lady Bedivere, Leon had Nora and (Gwen had told Arthur a month back or so) that Geraint _might_ have Lady Enid...

The guards all lined up behind Arthur, Kay, Leon and Geraint. Everyone held their breaths. Then for a moment there was silence; nothing but the sound of the autumn breeze brushing through the trees and the faint bleating of the sheep dotted about the hills. They were all waiting for Arthur's signal.

Arthur did not begrudge those fears of death, of never seeing their lovers again; at least they had a chance to say goodbye. Whether Arthur died now or not he would never have a chance to bid Gwen goodbye. Not now, and God—_that hurt_. Even at that moment.

He took a breath and raised his arm, signalling them to hold their positions. Another heartbeat thudded in each of their chests. Finally Arthur dropped his arm and they began their slow chorus against their shields. The clanging carried all through the valley just as Arthur had hoped it would. He hoped that the sound – and smell – would beckon the creature forward. Some of the guards began to speed up with their rhythm. "Slow beats," Arthur reminded them, "Keep in time with me." The chorus eventually found an 'equal voice' and they continued for another minute.

"Nothing is happening," whispered Kay.

Arthur had another idea. "Everyone move very slowly forward; one step behind me, understand?"

He took a small step forward before he slowly took another one and stopped, the guards following suit. This continued for four steps when Arthur stopped dead. There was a distinct hissing sound. The beat began to falter again. "Keep the beat steady!" he ordered the men. He took one more step forward. They followed. There was the snap of the tall grass. Then there followed another hiss. Arthur didn't move another inch—the creature was coming towards them, he could hear it.

Then finally the head of the monster emerged slyly from the crop fields. It was not as large as the men had expected although, were it to raise its head, it would topple well above their heads. The biscione was more or less snake like but for the neck frills similar to those found on dragons. Otherwise it had the appearance of a common black adder.

Arthur signalled for the knights to take their group of men to either side of the snake, while he and his men remained where they were and continued with the beating. Kay and his men went slowly to the right while Leon and Geraint led their men to the left in an attempt to draw a circle around the creature. The biscione dragged itself closer and closer towards Arthur. Once Kay and his men were behind the snake, he told his men to stop and spread out.

"Remember," he whispered, "_do not_ attack it and keep close to each other."

They all slowly began to spread out, meeting with the other groups of men while slowly closing in on the biscione. It was focused mainly on Arthur at first as he was standing right in front of it but, as the circle drew closer and isolated the creature it became confused. Each man then held their spears at length and slowly circled the snake. It shrunk in slightly, moving its head from side to side and not quite understanding what was happening. The whole time Arthur didn't take his eyes off it. If he could just get close enough to the body...

At that moment one of the guards hesitated with his spear and ended up dropping it to the ground. Arthur had felt in his stomach something like that would happen; it usually did. The spear fell to the ground with a clutter. Arthur tried to keep the biscione's attention on him but it was too later. Its head turned to look at the foolish guard. In its swiftness to turn the other guards and Leon's group had to swiftly back away, breaking the circle.

Arthur tried to call to the hapless guard and the other men to remain still and calm but the giant snake's tail knocked him backwards. He landed on his back with a thud and clang on his armour. The knock had drawn his breath from him. There were the sounds of men screaming, the muffled cries and the cracking of bones as the snake glugged down the men. Arthur heard the panic going on around him but he barely had the presence of mind to do anything but stare at the grey sky.

Then it appeared again—right above where Arthur lay.

Its tongue spat out and tasted the air around him as its head came closer and closer to his face. Arthur stayed as still as possible; one swift movement and the viper might bite. It bore its fangs and hissed threateningly. He held his breath...

Then there came a chorus of clanging to the left of them. The biscione looked towards the noise and hissed again before slithering off towards it slowly. Arthur remained still from fear of distracting the creature once again. The clanging came closer and closer. He heard a faint voice calling to the other men to regroup.

Arthur finally dared to slowly lift his head up. Someone knelt beside him and placed a hand on his forearm. "Are you injured?" the man asked.

_He knew that voice from anywhere!_

To his surprise and delight he looked up at the face of the speaker; it was Gawain! Arthur almost forgot about the biscione, stumbled to his feet and shouted his name in surprise. But he didn't. Instead he pulled himself up slightly and whispered, "I'm fine—what _the_ _hell_ are you doing here?"

"I'll explain later," he said with a wink. "First I need to know whether you are injured or not."

Arthur slowly sat up. "I'm fine."

"Good," Gawain said, taking hold of Arthur's arm.

With painfully slow movement Gawain helped Arthur to his feet. The reason was biscione; it was coming back. The two men kept their eyes firmly on the creature. Arthur did not notice the number of men had been reduced – either they were dead, paralysed or inside the snake – nor the mix of his men with Gawain's men. Thankfully Kay, Geraint and Leon had managed to rally the uninjured men and reform the circle. They closed in slowly.

The biscione lowered its head disturbingly before Arthur and Gawain.

"It's about to strike..." Arthur grunted in the lowest voice he could make.

Gawain clutched Arthur's discarded spear in his hand. "How quickly do you think you can take your sword to its neck?"

The prince of Camelot glanced at the prince of Eidin, taking a moment realise what Gawain was planning. It unnerved Arthur but it his original plan anyway and his cousin's presence would make it easier. As capable as Kay and Leon and Geraint were Arthur didn't want to risk them doing what they were about to do. But Gawain was fast moving and the only person who came close to Arthur's standards.

Arthur felt the hilt of his sword in his hand and finally replied, "Quick enough."

Gawain smiled. "You know what to do then..."

A few more seconds went by as the two men stood their ground against the crouching neck of the snake. Then it moved to strike with such swiftness that every heart stopped beating for a second. Two guards even had to hold Kay back from rushing over to aid Arthur. But they soon realised what was going on. The moment the serpent opened its mouth, bore its fangs and moved in for the kill Gawain, in the blink of an eye, had wedged the spear between the roof and bottom of the creature's wide open mouth while Arthur jumped out of the way to the side of the now-grounded head.

With all his strength Gawain tried to prevent the spear from snapping by holding it hard, bringing him dangerously close to the 'stunning' fangs. The situation was desperate. Arthur didn't waste any time in finishing the job. He raised his sword high and with one sharp and painless stroke he removed the creature's head.

The head fell limp and Gawain was freed from his struggle, collapsing to the ground and completely drained. Arthur rushed to help him up before giving him a cousinly pat on the back. "Excellent, Gawain," he said without knowing what else to say. "That was bloody brilliant..."

"Yeah," the cousin agreed, sniffing. "Thank God you were here..."

"Thank God _you_ were here," Arthur corrected him. "What the hell _are_ you doing here, Gawain?"

Gawain smiled. "There were reports of a creature attacking villagers near this border all the way in Melwas's kingdom. I knew this area so mother agreed to let me seek the creature out and destroy it—I assume Uther sent you to do the same."

"No," Arthur said firmly, scratching his nose. "Actually _I _decided to should come here and destroy it. 'Uther' wanted me to stay in Camelot."

Gawain nodded, "Yeah, mother and Elaine should have arrived today. Not keen to see them?"

"I find it remarkable you went to find this creature," Arthur remarked with a hint of suspicion in his voice, choosing to ignore his cousin's earlier assertion.

The younger man shrugged. "It was hard tracking it but it was worth it. I managed to deliver a few letters that mother wanted sent so all around it was a good way to waste a week."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. Before he could ask any more the knights limped over to them as the men of Camelot and Eidin greeted each other. Kay took Gawain hand and shook it, "Good to see you again, your highness."

"Good to see you again," the young prince replied as he tried to remember all their names. "It's Kay, isn't it? Sir Ector's son... and Geraint," he said turning to the knight in question before pointing to Leon, "And... sorry I remember you from the joust but—oh! Leon, isn't it?"

Leon was flattered that the foreign prince had remembered him as his family were not as prominent as Kay or Geraint. "Yes, that's it, sire."

"Excellent jouster," Gawain recalled. "I should like to issue a challenge one day, if you are willing?"

"I would be honoured, sire."

"Wonderful," said the Orcadian prince as he turned to look at Kay again and noticed a wound on his arm. "Your wounds should be tended to."

"Indeed," Kay said having not really noticed the gash on his arm. It hadn't even been caused by the creature but in the men's panic; one had jammed his spear right into Kay's arm. "It's nothing much, my lord."

"Glad to hear it," Gawain said, before turning to look at everyone again. "It's good to see you all again, but you must all be tired and the men too. Let us return to the village and assure the people that it is safe."

The knights and men dispatched as Arthur and Gawain walked side by side. The elder prince glanced at his young cousin out of the corner of his eye and waited for the right moment to question him about how and why he had come to this outer-line village as well as ask after Anna and Elaine... try and ascertain whether he had a chance of postponing the eventual marriage any longer than a few weeks or days. It wasn't the marriage that Arthur dreaded the most; it was the signing of the treaty as once that happened he would be obliged by the guidelines to take Elaine as a wife 'in the name of peace'.

"Tell me the truth, Gawain," Arthur began firmly. "Why did you not accompany your mother and sister to Camelot?"

"I told you," Gawain replied absently in a manner that could be likened well to the way Anna answered questions when she clearly had no intention of answering them... yet. "We need to see to your wounds too—you took quite a whacking."

Arthur didn't press the issue; he knew Gawain would tell him when the time was right.

-

Meanwhile in Camelot Anna was also making it her intention to be as forward as she could about the issues _she_ wanted to discuss while awkwardly avoiding the issues Uther wanted to discuss. The issue she quite happily filled him in on was the war in Rheged, how it truly was a real war now and how her idiotic brother-in-law Urien was relying on her husband to win the war for him. Anna was a practical queen who ruled justly and fairly, leaving all the 'unfair' business of war and sacking to her less than witty husband. She had no issue in showing Uther the letters Lot had sent her about the war's process and it was all meaningless to her.

Another issue that Uther asked of and Anna happily replied were the domestic issues of Eidin and Orkney. He asked out of politeness because he knew how much Anna liked to compare her fairness and sufficiency to Uther's 'higgledy-piggledy cut-off-a-head there, burn-a-witch-here' approach, as she called it. Not to his face but had heard _reports_ that she called it that. Either way Uther could not deny that Anna's approach to ruling a country (Looking after the poor, old, sick and orphaned while taxing the landed gentry) had earned her overwhelming popularity... with the people.

That said he didn't feel Anna's approach was all together _efficient_. But he would never dare say that.

"And how are the other children?" Uther asked as he motioned a servant to bring them more wine. "The last time I saw Agravain was when he was... twelve? That's the age the twins are now, isn't it?"

"The twins are ten now," Anna corrected him with a smile. "Agravain is just sixteen, and then little Gareth is the baby at seven years."

"Of course," Uther nodded, remembering the younger children fondly. He chuckled, "I remember you used to separate the children. Gawain, Agravain and Elaine were the 'big trio', and Gareth and the twins was the 'little trio'."

"I still call them that," Anna told him before adding with a knowing smile, "And the twins are called Clarissant and Norcadet—in case you forgot."

Uther laughed nervously. "O-of course I didn't forget! I wouldn't forget the names of my own nieces."

Well, he remembered Norcadet's name but only because she shared it with a particular sorceress Uther would like to forget. He admittedly could never remember the name of the other twin. He'd only met them once as very small children and they had been so alike that he was too frightened to ever call them by name.

He decided quickly to change the subject. "I expect Arthur will be back tomorrow," he began in an attempt to spark Anna's interest, "Perhaps Gawain will be here too?"

"Hmm," she said sipping her wine and swallowing, "Possibly."

"Once Arthur returns I will have him sign the treaty as soon as possible," Uther said.

He said it with such an air of determination that indicated such a promise would be difficult to uphold. Anna smiled, "If you say so—but we even had the final thing drafted yet, have we?"

"If you would like we could discuss the final details now and have it drafted for when Arthur returns," Uther suggested.

Anna rolled her eyes and took another gulp of wine. "Goodness, Uther we only just arrived here. I have no desire to begin drafting a treaty _immediately_. One would think you wished to be rid of me."

"Of course not," Uther said defensively. "It's just I have _never_ known you to pass up getting work done straight away. I assumed this would be no exception."

Anna sighed. "Oh Uther, after the journey from Eidin to here I don't want to see another piece of paper for at least... two or three days."

He tilted his head. "You seem very exact with that number."

She raised her brows, "I was just throwing out eyebrows. Why? Are you doing something important in two or three days? Can't make the meeting?"

Uther rolled his eyes. "Don't be silly, Anna!"

The dinner was brought in for the pair of them when Uther enquired as to whether The Lady Elaine had been taken her dinner also. The servant confirmed that Merlin was taking it to her. Once the servant left Uther began to wonder about Elaine's absence.

"I hope she is not unwell after the long trip," Uther said as he helped himself to some cheese. "It would not do well for the poor girl to be ill for Arthur's return."

"Elaine is in good health," Anna assured him, placing a napkin upon her beautifully suited dark wine red dress. "She merely tired and misses home, that's all. Her little sisters dote upon her as she does them and she is as much a second mother to Gareth as a sister." She then paused and added, sadly, "As Igraine was to me."

Uther paused in a moment of solemn contemplation before he managed to smile and say, "Well, if Elaine does feel ill then send immediately for Gaius."

"Naturally," Anna assured him. "But I fear Elaine shall have to cope with the affliction of missing one's siblings alone, especially if she is to marry Arthur. God knows I had to when I married Lot—but then Igraine and Tristan were both gone by then."

Uther nodded. "Indeed."

Anna sighed before regaining a faint smile (much to Uther' relief) and said, "I've been thinking a lot about the old days."

"That's funny so have I," Uther admitted.

"Tell me," Anna said, glancing at her former brother-in-law under her eyelashes, "have you spoken to Cador at all since 'the old days'?"

Uther stared at her but her eyes fell down to her supper again, which she ate carefully and regally. He cleared his throat, "Except do deal with... that issue we had to take care of. Otherwise, no."

"So the exile of the servant girls didn't rekindle your love for one another?" Anna joked.

"There was no love to rekindle," Uther said stiffly. "I was always much closer to Gorlois than I was to Cador."

Anna just sniffed and said nothing further on the subject of Gorlois. She too had shared a good friendship with the dearly departed Duke. Yet she had always suspected some sort of foul play in regards to his death. She suspected it had something to do with his wayward wife (whom Anna had always liked too) and a sketchy history that Uther wanted to keep quiet. It all happened before Igraine and Anna came to live in Camelot. Anna would never ask Uther – she didn't really want to know (and she knew he wouldn't tell) – and, as much as she had liked Gorlois... and Cador, she would never query Uther about something that could land him in trouble. She liked to think she cared about Uther is a strange way... but it was really for Arthur's sake. Anna had promised Igraine that if anything happened to her she would protect her then unborn nephew. Igraine had said it with such impending doom it still gave her the chills. Anna had been Elaine's age when Igraine died.

"Maybe you never tried hard enough," Anna suggested, returning the subject to Cador. "He is the Duke of Cornwall; controls more land than you do (even if he's not a king) and he has _a lot_ of armies and gold at his disposal."

"Cador never tried, and neither will I" Uther said firmly. "Nonetheless I am grateful for his help in our situation with... the servant girl."

"Gwen," Anna said remembering the name well. "Short for 'Gwenhwyfar', isn't it?"

Uther nodded, "I believe so."

"Same as my mother," Anna remarked simply.

"I assume that's where her parents got the name from," Uther said, trying to act uninterested.

"Indeed," Anna agreed. She cleared her throat and dabbed her lips with a napkin, "So are you ever going to make any form of communication with Cador again?"

Uther swallowed a piece of meat thickly before replying. He had no idea why Anna wished to pursue this line of conversation. It was all very well suggestion he ask Cador for assistance last year when Lot first began to have his doubts about Claudius as a future husband for Elaine but making an alliance with Cador now would be very risky. After all—he had Guinevere.

"I have no reason to make an alliance," Uther said bluntly, and it ended on that.

-

Merlin walked towards the chambers where Elaine was staying with Gregory who was taking Percival his supper. Gregory knew that his master would be there alone as his mother and brother had gone to dine with another noble family. He had had insisted they both still go despite him being unable to go himself but later confessed to Gregory that he felt lonely there on his own.

"I feel bad for him because I'm supposed to be helping my mother tonight too," Gregory admitted.

"Is she still sick?" Merlin asked.

Gregory nodded, "Gaius gave her some medicine but it's not done much good yet. I mean she's a little better but—"

Merlin sighed. He would normally – because he was _such_ a soft touch – offer to do some of Gregory's work that evening but Merlin needed to see the dragon tonight. It had to be tonight, he decided for some reason.

As they reached the doors, one leading to the apartments belonging to Percival's family and the other the one where Elaine was staying, Percival limped to the door to greet the pair. Gregory quickly left the dinner tray and went out the backdoor before the guilt of leaving his master alone became too much. But Percival's loneliness was evident to Merlin straight away as he became distracted by a conversation about how Arthur was coping and that Percival was surprised by his choice to leave Merlin behind. Merlin confessed that it surprised him too and that he was worried about Arthur.

"You are a good man," Percival told him.

Then the door of the chambers behind Merlin opened and, lo and behold, Elaine poked her head about having been distracted by the noise of their conversation and her longing for food.

"Your highness," Merlin said sheepishly, his cheeks flushing as he had completely forgotten he was still holding Elaine's dinner tray. "I am _so_ sorry I didn't bring this in sooner only I—"

Then Percival stepped in. "It was my fault entirely, my lady. I was asking Merlin about his master and would not let him go."

Elaine looked between them and smiled. "That's perfectly fine... I was just hungry that's all." She awkwardly took the tray from Merlin and turned again to Percival. "Do I have the honour of addressing Percival, son of King Pellinore? It has been a long time..."

Percival inclined his head, "I am indeed that Percival though whether it should be considered an honour to be the son of King Pellinore is debatable."

Elaine smiled, "Our fathers have been at odds in the past."

"Indeed," Percival agreed.

"But that is no barrier between us now," she assured him. "Not when the whole of Albion is on the verge of war."

"Thank you, although my distain toward my father comes from loyalty to a wounded mother more than his antagonists," Percival admitted with a faint smile. "A son must always remain loyal to his mother."

"As too much as daughter," she sighed strongly. She then glanced behind him into his chambers, noticing no other movement in the room. "Are you alone this evening?" Percival confessed that he was and explained why. "I am alone too... perhaps we could eat together and catch up on old times?"

Percival was so surprised he even looked to Merlin, still standing and waiting for Elaine to dismiss him, and then back at her. "I would like that... but wouldn't it be improper given that you are engaged to Arthur?"

"I assure you my intentions towards you are _completely_ plutonic and honourable," Elaine joked. "Besides I'm not engaged to Arthur yet and if _he _can fall madly in love with a handmaiden I don't see why I can't eat with a knight of Camelot and old friend."

Merlin and Percival stared at Elaine in surprise.

She laughed again, "What? You think I didn't know? Of course I know, and once more I don't care. I'm not going to lie—I'm banking that fact will keep Arthur off my back before and after we are married. If we get married, that is..."

Her choice of words were off but neither man thought much of it. After that Percival agreed as he was glad of the company and Elaine gave Merlin the leave he was so obviously craving. He was tempted to think more about Elaine and Percival's conversation but he had more important things to think about; he was going to see the dragon—_now_.

But he was dreading it. He hated having to see the dragon especially after the way he had left things all those months ago after the incident with Nimueh and his mother. He had sworn never to see the dragon again and yet here he was slinking back down into the caves to ask the old lizard about the dreams out of sheer desperation. He dreaded the creation's reaction to seeing him as he walked down the steps into the opening where the cave under the castle was. As far as he knew the dragon had not seen anyone since Merlin left. After all he didn't (officially) know that Gaius had been going to see him (although he had wondered).

As he came out into the cavern Merlin sought the creature out by shining his torch about the darkness. Eventually he decided to call, "Hello? It's me... I need to ask you something—"

The loud beating of wings filled the air with a startling roar from the dragon's breath. Merlin stumbled backwards as the dragon perched on the cliff just opposite him, his eyes filled with annoyance and fury. "_You said I would_ never_ see you again_!" he growled with ferocity.

"I-I know" Merlin spluttered.

"Yet you _dare_ to come back here and ask my help?" the dragon wrangled on.

"If I had another option I would take it!" Merlin snapped back.

"In that case I refuse to help you," the dragon snarled, flexing his wings as if to fly away but instead he folded them and settled down upon the cliff. "Why should I help someone who never promises anything in return?"

Merlin stood up straight. "I need to know about the 'future scream' or collective echo or whatever you want to call it..."

"You mean _'r ddyfodol gwawchia_?" the dragon asked.

"Yes."

"And why should I help you?" the dragon said stiffly.

Merlin glared at him, "Because... if what Gaius says is true then _you_ have probably been having the dream too."

The dragon lowered his eyes. "The images the dreams show me are no less terrifying than the butchery Uther inflicted upon your people and my kind. I can live with them..."

"But Morgana and I can't!" Merlin stressed in desperation. "I've tried everything but it's no good. Please! I need to know what it's trying to tell me so I can stop it..."

The dragon sighed. "Very well, I will help you..."

"Thank you!" Merlin sighed in relief.

"But..."

"But," he then said with a tight heart, "But what?"

"I will only continue to help you if _you_ make a _promise_," the dragon told him.

"A promise..."

"That one day you will set me free!" he finished firmly and awaited Merlin's response. The boy scoffed and looked away. The dragon then added, "You will never sleep easy again without my assistance, and if you don't neither will the Lady Morgana."

That touched a nerve.

Merlin swallowed, "If I _did_ set you free _one day_, what would you do?"

"That is my business," the dragon said bluntly. "My help comes at a price—it was foolish of me not to propose it when we first met."

"Instead you lied, manipulated me into sacrificing my mother..." Merlin ranted.

"I never lie!" the dragon said defensively. "I never lied before and I am not lying now."

"How do _I_ know you aren't lying _now_?"

"You don't," the dragon admitted, fidgeting in his place to get comfortable as he realised his debate with Merlin could go on for a while yet. "But I promise you that I never lie because I never have had the need to. If I don't want you to know something I simply won't tell you and as frustrating as knowing that may be it is the absolute truth. Now—" the dragon leant in further than he ever had done to Merlin's face, "do I have your promise or not?"

Merlin took a deep breath and nodded reluctantly. "You have my word that I will set you free—but _I_ will decide when."

The dragon was tempted to refuse when he added that but he decided not to. He didn't dislike Merlin and thought it was better to grab the chance of promised freedom than to risk losing it. Merlin was stubborn enough to refuse to help him if he tried to get more out of him.

He sighed and nodded, "Very well. What do you want to know?"

"First, what exactly is the future scream?" Merlin asked.

"It is the only time when creatures of the old religion and those blessed with its gift are truly reunited," the dragon told him, "It usually as a great omen prophesising change."

"Change for the bad?"

"It can be bad or good," the dragon explained. "Anyone who has the gift whether they are a seer or not may have the dream especially if they are directly involved in the change the dream is telling or warning you of."

"Then what is it trying to tell me."

The dragon chuckled with amusement, which clearly annoyed Merlin, but he still did it. "Why—it is such a simple little thing you'll wonder why you never guessed it."

"Just tell me!"

He continued to laugh another instant before he finally gave an answer. "The dream is showing you the war that is about to happen, The Great War of Albion. Yet the dream is telling you to reunite Arthur with his lost love before the war begins for their reunion will be crucial to the outcome."

Merlin brightened up in curiosity, "How?"

"Merlin," the dragon said, his tone becoming more serious. "You must understand the significance of this war. It will last many years yet and those kings that created it will not live to see it end. This is the war in which you shall begin to fulfil your ultimate destiny—to aid the young Pendragon in uniting the island of Albion."

The young warlock took a deep, impressed breath. "Wow."

"Indeed" the dragon repeated. "I promise you that once your part in the collective eco that is 'the future scream' you shall not be haunted any longer. Neither, I should add, will the Orcadian princess."

Merlin nodded. "So it is true, then? She has magic."

"It's not so much magic as it is... a sixth sense," the dragon replied.

"It's the same thing, isn't it?"

"Not to everyone," the dragon replied. "It is more subtle than magic and that is why Uther never suspected the Orcadian queen. She herself did not realise what she was until it was too late for your kind. The queen does not consider magic but understands the connections someone like Uther can make to it. Naturally she never shared them."

"And what is this 'sixth sense' they have?"

"That does not matter for now."

"But is this ability the reason why the Orcadian queen is always one step ahead of everyone?" Merlin asked. At that the dragon started laughing again (and annoying Merlin). He shouted, "Stop laughing! If the Orcadian queen really is one step ahead of everyone then my chances of finding Gwen are slim—I can barely find an object of hers to do the finding spell."

"I'm sorry," the dragon agreed, ceasing his laughter. "You are right. I can't help you in finding the right object for a finding spell but... I wouldn't worry too much about the Orcadian queen. You should trust her instinct for she is not all that she seems."

Merlin nodded with nothing else to ask. A few days ago a statement like that would have surprised Merlin but the revelations by Gaius over the last few days meant he was not surprised that Anna wasn't 'all that she seemed'. Despite having to 'make a bargain with the devil' the meeting had been more productive than they usually were. "Right, thanks then..."

As he turned to walk away the dragon called again. "Merlin..."

The boy turned, "What is it?"

"I have been hoping for a long time you would return," the dragon confessed in a croaking tone. "Not just for myself but for your sake too."

"What do you mean?"

"The witch," the dragon told him, his tone moving from croaking to more passionate and forceful. "The Lady Morgana... you should keep your distance from her, Merlin." (He noted the boy's eyes rolling no doubt from memories of Gaius's warnings.) "I am warning you—the path that the witch will ultimately choose leads to nothing but doom and chaos, _and you must _never_ follow her down it_."

And with that the dragon picked up his wings and flew upwards leaving Merlin silent and unnerved.

-

Cador picked meagrely at his breakfast as he sat in his chambers but couldn't bring himself to eat more than a few pieces of cheese. He told one of the handmaidens to cut the meat up and give it to Fach for her next meal. The bread he decided to throw out the window for the birds along the coast. It was common practise for him to throw unwanted bread for the birds. The view from his window overlooked the Tintagel bay and sea; every morning he awoke to hear them squawking hungrily, trying to find dead fish to eat.

As he walked to the window Cador noticed for the first time that day that the sun was actually visible in the sky. He smiled and looked down at the coast below. There on the beach he noticed Gwen strolling along as Fach dashed about, trying the small waves of water before deciding them too frightening for a young and tiny dog and rushing back to her mistress.

Cador smiled genuinely this time and turned to Jermyn. "On second thought tell her to wrap up the meat and bring it back to me rather than putting it straight in Fach's feeding bowl. I'm going for a walk."

Jermyn looked at his master in shock. "What do you mean for a _walk_, your grace?"

"I mean a walk," he said humorously, "A walk on the coast if you want the details. Fetch my coat, would you?"

The servant fumbled for Cador's coat and helped him on with it. The whole time he looked at him wide eyed. Cador prepared silently before he finally turned to Jermyn again, still smiling. "Why the funny face, old friend?"

"You _never_ go out for walks," Jermyn replied.

"It's a nice day."

"It could be stifling but you'd still never go out."

Cador laughed and shook his head. "That will be all, Jermyn."

The servant rolled his eyes and went out the room. After another half an hour passed Cador emerged from his room, walked down the stairs and nearly stunned old Ysgyrdav to death as she caught him walking out the door. He turned and gave her an amused look, "Is there a problem, my dear old and faithful friend?" he asked.

Ysgyrdav snorted. "Yes, my lord. Firstly, you appear to be venturing outside..."

"Indeed," Cador said jokily. "That is a hawk-eyed observation you make there, my dear."

"But that isn't the only thing that shocks me," the old woman went on. While the other servants looked at their master shyly in their surprise Ysgyrdav had known Cador too long to be taken aback by him like that. "The thing that surprises me is that it is half past nine in the morning and you're moving around."

Cador burst out laughing. It was his normal daily practise to take breakfast in his room and work there before finally emerging at lunch time and going to his study to take care of work. In the last thirteen odd years he had never left his room a minute before noon and never ventured anywhere near the front door of the castle. He never even went out into the courtyard. Even his study had windows that were bordered up and the room was constantly lit with candles making it hot and stuffy. It would have been a long time since he had a lung full of fresh air.

Ysgyrdav tilted her head, "Are you sure you are alright, master?"

He nodded, "I feel grand, Ysgyrdav."

"In that case something must be terribly wrong with you," the old woman grunted. She pointed to the door, "My young charge went out early this morning... I assume you're looking for her?"

"Ah" Cador said, tightening his coat around him, "you have seen through my wiles, old friend. Oh," he became distracted stopped as Ysgudydd skipped up with the chopped meat in a napkin that Cador intended to feed to Fach, "Thank you, dear girl."

Ysgudydd smiled sweetly (although clearly surprised like everyone else to see her master half way out the door) before exchanging a surprised look with her mother and returning upstairs to do the tidying. Ysgyrdav eyed the napkin before looking at Cador again. "I know your game, your grace."

"You do?"

"Yes," she said, her strong Cornish accent making her sound as if she was scolding her master. Cador had always liked that quality of Ysgyrdav's voice; it reminded him of his mother. "And while I know you're trying to be kind and thoughtful... it's not right to raise a young girl's hopes."

"Which young girl's hopes would that be?"

"I speak of Mistress Gwen, of course," the servant woman said plainly. "The poor child has been through a lot of pain in a situation, it must be said, _very_ similar to the one you went through twenty years ago with the (then) Lady A—"

"Thank you for your concern, Ysgyrdav," Cador said cutting her off. "I think I know what I'm doing."

Ysgyrdav shook her head. "I just wouldn't want to see this poor girl hurt again."

Cador nodded. "I thank your concern for young Guinevere. It was your maternal instincts that made me feel you would be the best person to look after the girl when she came here."

"She told me her own mother had died when she was a child," the old woman said.

The Duke nodded, "Yes, she did. I remember her..."

He then looked out the door at the brightness of daylight. The gateway was wide open and was just a brisk walk across the courtyard away. Yet Cador felt nervous at the thought of leaving the security of his castle. He had become more than a hermit living in the castle; the self-inflicted isolation had made him somewhat _agoraphobic_! It even caused a pain in his stomach to admit he was taking those tiny steps over the castle's threshold after so long. He looked back at Ysgyrdav who smiled faintly back at him before, finally, Cador picked up his pace and walked towards the gateway and onto the hills of Tintagel.

The moment reached outside the castle walls the pain in Cador's stomach slowly ebbed away and was replaced by a feeling of triumph. He turned back and looked at the towering gates. The last time he had passed them was a few months after Gorlois's death. He had travelled to Camelot for the last time to agree on Morgana's allowance that he would put aside for her. He had also gone to petition Uther to allow his brother's bones to be placed with the rest of the family here, at Tintagel, but the king had refused on the grounds it would be 'disrespectful' to remove the body now. Even if it was for the Cornish burial place Gorlois had wanted.

The fresh air of the beautiful landscape re-captured Cador's heart. He _loved_ his beloved Tintagel.

As he walked in the direction he had seen Gwen passing he thought about that last journey to Camelot. The journey had seemed longer somehow. Never had he thought months before when he saw Gorlois off on that fateful battle did he think he would never see him again. He had been such a formidable warrior that Cador used to suspect that Gorlois's death was not an accident...

But there was no point on dwelling on a theory that could not be proved. Even if he could, what good would it do? Gorlois was dead like so many others. One day Uther would die to, and so would Cador. In his solitude Cador had come to believe that in the harsh and cruel world they existed the old law of 'an eye for an eye' just led to more unnecessary death. And now with the upcoming war of the north it seemed more blood would be spilled over land and power.

Oh how Cador _hated_ King Lot and his damned brother Urien...

Cador reached the cliff edge and slowly made his way down to the beach where sat Gwen as Fach dashed around the beach happily. The sound of him coming down was masked by the sound of the waves. Once he reached the bottom Fach caught sight of him and rushed excitedly to greet him. He immediately placed down the napkin for her to feast on.

When Gwen turned around and saw him she was almost as surprised as the servants had all been that morning. From what she had heard Cador _never_ went outside. She quickly got to her feet and lowered her head respectfully as Cador, still wobbling from leaving the castle and climbing down the cliff, staggered up to her.

He chuckled, "For God's sake, Gwen. Lift your head at once."

Gwen obeyed. "I'm sorry I'm just surprised to see you..."

"I saw you from my window there," he pointed towards where the castle over looked the coast. "I thought I'd come and speak to you."

"I'm flattered you went to such trouble..."

Cador cleared his throat. "Well, I've been meaning to get out of the castle for the last..." he stopped when he was the expression of Gwen's confused eyes and smiled, "for the last twelve years."

They both sat down on a smooth rock and looked out towards the sea. Cador was glad to be taking the weight off his shaking knees. He made a great sigh and explained himself better. "The truth is that I think the time will soon come that I will have to leave this island and engage more with the people of Cornwall, with the army..."

Gwen's eyes widened. "Have you been asked by one of the kings to take part in the war...?"

"No, no" Cador assured her, "At least not yet I haven't. No, I just suspect that soon I will have to stop being the hermit, come out of my shell and _start doing things_. It's never too late, after all."

The young woman looked away. "I suppose not."

Cador regarded her, noting the disbelief in her voice. "You don't seem convinced."

She looked back at him. "I'm sorry, your grace. I'm feeling very cynical today. I meant no offence."

"Considering your situation I cannot blame you for feeling cynical," Cador admitted with a smile and managed to coax that all-too familiar sad smile from Gwen's face also. "We all have days like that. I remember your mother was one of the worst cynics on her off-days. Yet on her on-days there was no mountain she wouldn't attempt to climb."

"Is that so?" Gwen asked. "I don't really remember my mother."

"She died when you were very young," Cador agreed sadly.

"I was six."

"I recall it well."

Gwen looked at him. "You are one of the few memories I have of my early life. The day you came by not long after my mother died and gave me that box and the silver fairy..."

"That's right!" Cador recalled cheerfully. "I was looking after Arthur that day as Ector was busy on some nonsense for Uther. The grumpy old git was willing to keep the poor boy locked in all day simply because that buffoon Ector wasn't there to guide him. So, I told Uther the boy could come into town with me. He agreed although he did not approve."

Gwen laughed. "Ector isn't that bad even if he is slightly patronising."

"You recall him too then?"

"He hasn't changed much since then," she said nostalgically. "But even back then I can remember how he used to look at what my father was doing and ask embarrassingly contrived questions. My father and I used to exchange amused looks when he finally moved on to patronise our neighbours."

"Idiot"

"His son is a good man, though" Gwen added quickly. "Kay; he fell in love with the widowed Lady Bedivere and treats her sons as if they were his own. I imagine they're engaged now... I hope they are."

"I remember he was a pleasant boy," Cador agreed, before he grinned widely at another memory. "I recall how fascinated Arthur used to be with the work of iron's ore. He told me once when that whenever he was in town he liked to watch the local smithy (your father, not the royal one) work, especially if he were making weapons."

Gwen found herself blushing. She could not really remember seeing Arthur because she had been quite young when all of this would have happened but she did have a faint memory of that beautiful and angelic looking boy – who had been surprisingly small and thin then considering what he was like _now_ – watching curiously as her father continued to work, uninstructed by the prince's keen eye. But Tom would still smile as he was thrilled to see that his work sparked interest in the boy more than the fact he was the young prince.

Yes, Gwen could just about remember that.

In all that time Arthur's eyes had rarely strayed to her or her to him. They existed in a separate world to each other despite the fact that Gwen had entered servitude not long after that. On a rare occasion they had seen each other nothing much had been said. Neither of them had expected it; he was a prince and she was a commoner. The closest they had ever been was that day Cador came by with Arthur to give Gwen that beautiful box and the silver fairy. No one would have suspected ten years later they would be the leads in their own star-crossed love affair or that the silver fairy would be so significant to that love.

"I kept that fairy safe for many years," Gwen suddenly said aloud.

Cador smiled again. "I suppose you were forced to leave it behind in the rush to get you out of Camelot."

"No," she confessed quickly. "I gave her to Arthur. For a long time the fairy was a reminder of my mother and then when my father died of him. It was all I had; that and my hope that one day Arthur would become king and Camelot would become a better place. When I fell in love with him it was like... I didn't need it anymore."

The duke looked away from Guinevere and out towards the sea. It made him feel glad in some ways that the fairy had given her comfort over the loss of her mother and then over the loss of her father. It made him prouder still that she kept it safe all those years and then, when she felt she no longer needed it, gave it to the man who had restored hope into her life as well as provided her with love. It was a moving tale.

"I never told you the story of the fairy, did I?" Cador suddenly said, shifting over to look at Gwen again. "You know there is a story, don't you?"

Gwen shook her head.

"The fairy is fashioned into the shape of Eluned," he explained, enjoying sharing the local flavour with his charge. It had always been a hobby of his reading local legends. "She is something of a hero here in Cornwall. She was the handmaiden to Modfen, the fountain goddess. Legend has it that a knight dressed all in red desired Eluned but she fled in search of a warrior who could free her from this pursuit. She appealed to King Brychan for one of his knights to protect her but, as she would not reveal her name (for she was of low birth), he spited her by sending a simple kitchen servant to guide her."

Cador paused to laugh; Gwen shivered from the sea breeze and the tale; it seemed so uncanny for reasons she did not know.

"As you can imagine she was not best pleased," he went on, "but too frightened to go alone Eluned agreed for the kitchen servant (whose name was 'Gwynnwylo') to accompany her. Although merely a servant he defended Eluned but she still did not realise his worth at first. They travelled together for a year and founded churches together but they were both shunned by society when accused of stealing chickens."

Gwen's head snapped to look at Cador, "She was accused of stealing chickens? That's... a rather random accusation."

"Isn't that the wonderful thing about legends?" Cador said half a question and half a declaration of love at how varying folklore could be. He then went on to conclude his tale, "Eluned and the kitchen servant ended up living in a cave before the red knight finally found them. The red knight immediately recognised the kitchen servant and revealed that he is, in fact, a northern prince. Regardless of that the prince vowed to protect Eluned and, in return, she confessed her love for him before he challenged the knight."

He then paused; Gwen's curiosity was aroused. "And then what?"

Cador looked back at her, "There are a few versions of the tale; one says that he defeated the red knight, married Eluned and lived happily ever after... but in truth the red knight used trickery during the duel and killed them both. Just as he was about to kill the prince Eluned threw herself in front him and the red knight's sword pierced them both through their hearts. The goddess Modfen then appeared and instead of blood sweeping from their hearts water spouted instead until..."

He stopped again and raised his arms to present the sea before them. Gwen looked around and smiled. "Tintagel was formed," she finished softly.

Cador nodded and pointed to the caves just by the beach. "That there is Eluned's cave," he told her. "I used to play hide and seek in there with Gorlois when I was a child."

Gwen's sad smile remained constant as she stroked Fach and looked out at the sea again.

"I know it's probably just a pretty little story to you," Cador confessed, "but I think it has a greater meaning. Regardless of whether Eluned was real or not she began cynical of her commoner-disguised-prince companion before they were both thrown together into the cruelty of the world. It took her a while to realise that in the entire world she had only him and he had only her. There is a lesson to be learned from Eluned."

"What is that lesson, Cador?" Gwen said solemnly.

"Many things," Cador stated, before he sighed and went on, "but after years of reflection I think what it really teaches us is to never underestimate the power of love. It doesn't just sprout in unlikely places but flourishes, just like the waters of Tintagel. It can become part of something greater."

The young woman closed her eyes and, after a brief moment of contemplation, chuckled faintly. The story had been a nice one; it reminded of the ones she used to hear as a child, tales of beauty and love ending in a gruesomely tragic way. Yes, it was quite a romantic thing to die for love... but Gwen always thought she'd rather live for it.

Cador sighed, "Now I know that Ysgyrdav warns me against upsetting you by telling you things like this..."

"No," she said quickly, turning back to him. "On the contrary your story has cheered me up a little despite its gruesome (yet fulfilling) ending. It was nice hearing the story behind the silver fairy."

The air began to chill as the clouds eclipse the sun; rain would be coming soon. The pair stood from their stone seat and Gwen brushed down her dress. The sound of the material was fine and ruffled beneath her hands. Once she had done that Cador offered his arm and she accepted, calling Fach to follow them.

On their way back to the castle Gwen picked up on their earlier subject and asked a question that had been on her mind for a while. "When your brother died why didn't keep Morgana here at Tintagel? Why did she go to Uther and Camelot?"

Cador shrugged. "I admit I did take it personally at first when my brother told me that, if he died, she would go to Uther rather than stay in the family but... I understand why he did it. Tintagel is a beautiful place but not ideal to raise a young girl. There is little society and since her mother did a bunk many years ago there aren't many women here for her to interact with. In Camelot she would have all of that and even a younger brother to play with. I realised that it was for the best."

"I suppose every child at one time wishes for a little sibling they can torture," Gwen chuckled.

She recalled how much Arthur and Morgana used to squabble over things from the games they played to which got what room once they were old enough to leave the nursery. They were both terribly spoiled and always demanded getting their way rather than the other. Gwen never realised at the time but more often than not it was her mistress that got her way as Uther always came down on her side. Arthur never got first pick. She didn't know whether it was because he was younger or that Uther felt the need to pander to the orphaned Morgana but it was only with benefit of hindsight that Gwen saw how rarely Arthur got what he really wanted.

Gwen sighed sadly.

Cador placed a hand on her shoulder; she was a little surprised as she had once again dazed off into her own world. He smiled, "I fear I have once again reminded you of home..."

"Oh," she said distantly, "I'm always reminded of home. I never stop thinking about it. Not a moment goes by that there isn't something to remind me of Camelot, of Arthur..."

"I know," Cador said with empathy. "After twenty years I have learned to cope with the memories but... not a day goes by that I don't think of the woman I loved." He then laughed, "I have rarely seen her since then so in my head she remains eighteen years old, sitting by a window, watching the people in the courtyard below..."

He looked at Gwen; her mind was focused on his words.

"They are memories that never die," he finished.

-

Merlin sat in Arthur's chambers pondering over what the dragon had told him. It had all been a lot to take in. The things he had revealed about Queen Anna, Princess Elaine and the whole issue with Arthur and Gwen had been a lot to digest but the thing that got him the most was his final warning about Morgana. It echoed Gaius's warnings so strongly that it worried him; what did they know that he didn't?

In the end he pushed everything about Morgana out of his head. He knew what she was like—and he knew just how homicidal she could get sometimes such as the unmentionable plot against Uther. It was an event that Merlin tried his best to brush off although it would sometimes come back to him, how close Uther came to death. Merlin sometimes wondered if he should have left him to die but every bone in his body told him it wrong. Yet all Uther had done was cause misery to Merlin's kind, to Gwen and even Arthur through his actions.

No, he couldn't blame Morgana for wanting Uther dead but at the same time he would never allow her to kill him. To agree to a plot against Uther would be to betray Camelot and all their friends. Uther had to keep living even if it meant living in silence and fear. Merlin had got used to being lonely; even with Morgana's friendship and Gaius's guidance he often felt incredibly lonely. Now he had neither Gaius nor Morgana as the former had lied to him and the latter could potentially see the death of both her and him. In more ways than one if the dragon was to be believed.

Merlin did not trust the dragon _but_ he also knew that the creature had no reason to lie about anything.

Forget about what he said about Morgana, Merlin told himself nonetheless. You know her better than he does. And there was that old familiar pain in Merlin's chest. Even if he couldn't be her friend any more (for their own safety—to avoid them doing something stupid) he would still guide her from afar, try and help her as best he could. Meanwhile he would just sit alone in the dark and be lonely...

Merlin decided to focus his mind completely on working out a way to find Gwen and reunite her with Arthur. All other attempts had failed but now he had the promise of a dreamless night dangled before him it encouraged him to think 'outside the box'. It wasn't just seeing his two friends happy anymore; this was a stepping stone towards a greater change and he had to solve it. Not only would it soothe his dreams but it would help Morgana too, and Elaine, apparently.

The dragon had told him that he needed to find Gwen. In order to find Gwen he needed to conduct a finding spell. In order to conduct a finding or location spell you needed an object that belonged to the lost individual to find them. Merlin did not have an object that belonged to Gwen...

He looked around Arthur's room.

Arthur was probably the only person who might still have objects that had belonged to Gwen given to him as a token of love or memento. Prior to now he rarely had a chance to root through Arthur's draws to search for such a thing because he was constantly at his master's side. Even then he didn't really think about searching Arthur's things for something that belonged to Gwen. He didn't know why since it seemed so _obvious_ that he would have something that she gave him.

He knew she had given Arthur something.

Merlin went to the one of the draws by Arthur's bedside. The lower draw on the right-hand side was locked but he knew this was where he kept the silver fairy that Gwen had given him. It had belonged to Gwen and had sentimental value to her. That would make the finding spell strong.

He didn't have the key but that was no barrier to a warlock. He opened the draw with little effort and reached inside. The draw itself was a trick draw with two bases to it. On the top of the draw there were just boring old papers that looked important but no one would ever steal. Merlin reached underneath them to find where the lever that opened the secret draw was. He pulled up the base of the draw and looked at what lay under.

He sighed in defeat but not surprise; the fairy was not there. Arthur must have taken it with him. Merlin had thought Arthur would... but he reckoned that if he kept the fairy in here he might have kept other things too. There was a rich red cloth lying over the objects hidden in the draw. Merlin pulled it away and was thrilled to see what he found.

Under the red cloth in the hidden draw lay a bounty of objects. There were dried up flowers, pins, ribbons and slides all of which Merlin remembered seeing at one time or another in threaded into Gwen's hair. He even saw the kerchief that she had given to Arthur before the joust with Gawain. There was even what looked like the string from one of Gwen's dresses but Merlin didn't want to dwell on how Arthur had acquired _that_.

Yet of all the objects in the draw there was one particular thing that caught his eye, or rather, a collection of things. There tied together with a red ribbon were _the letters_.

Merlin immediately reached into the draw and picked them out. He knew it was none of his business (once the letters started to get a bit more personal and day-related Arthur stopped sharing them with him) but he couldn't help briefly flicking through them. They were all written in Gwen's pretty hand. After flicking through them a few times he noticed that the first couple of letters were not in the collection.

As he went back to the draw to see if they had slipped out the door to Arthur's chambers opened. Merlin nearly dropped the letters in shock. He spun around in shock and worried that someone had caught him going through his master's things. He was Arthur's servant and might be able to bluff his way out of it if it were the chambermaids but if it was a guard they might accuse him of stealing.

To his relief (and distress) it was neither of those people. It was Morgana.

Suddenly all the things he had thought about before became relevant again. He wondered what she was doing here. He quickly put the letters down and shoved the draw closed. "Morgana," he stuttered in vague surprise, "I thought—I thought we agreed not to talk..."

"I know," Morgana said nervously. She hesitated for a moment before she awkwardly turned around to close the door and approach Merlin again. "I know what we agreed but... I've been thinking about what you said."

"What do you mean?"

"About... us," she said slowly. Her eyes fell down and she found it hard to keep looking at him. But Merlin's eyes were fixed on her. "I just wanted you to know that I appreciate everything you have done for me," Morgana finally looked up. "You are a good friend."

Merlin looked away. "Thank you."

"I'm not going to lie about how I feel," Morgana went on. Her words felt like sand in her mouth but she managed to smile, glad to get the words off her chest. "You mean more to me than just a servant that happens to be my friend because, sometimes, I feel like you're the only person that understands me." She sniffed, moved by her own words, "I'd... I'd be so _lonely_ if I didn't have you."

She had to stop and covered her mouth with her hand.

Merlin watched her coyly not knowing what to say. There was a huge part of him that wanted to run over, take her hand and tell her that he'd never let her be lonely. But that was a promise he couldn't make. Even if they vowed to remain together Merlin knew that one day they would probably have to part ways for one reason or another. It was a painful thought but he had to think about it. The dragon's words had made him believe it even more.

"Merlin," Morgana said after a long contemplative pause. "I never want to see you get hurt. If anything happened to you I'd never forgive myself... and I know I can be selfish in asking you to take risks and I'm sorry for that. You always take it upon yourself to look after people and I sometimes forget that... you are so young..."

She was babbling; Merlin sighed, "Morgana..."

"Please," she said quickly. "Let me finish; I will never, _ever_ ask you again. I promise you. I will do as you said and live with my feelings like you have done. All I ask is that you don't sever the bond that we have because otherwise..."

The young warlock blinked, "Otherwise?"

Morgana swallowed, "I'm worried what I'll become without you."

There was a long pause. Merlin realised that Morgana had finished her plight. He looked away from her and glanced out the window, not knowing what to say in return. She had told him she would never ask him to be her lover again as long as he promised to remain her friend. It was not an unreasonable request. He understood Morgana's primary concern was being left alone. She was still so fragile in her understanding and use of magic that he felt the need to protect her from it.

Yet at the same time the fear of them parting ways one day sunk in. He knew that it would probably be better to end this thing now. Any promise to keep their hands off each other was a half promise and Merlin didn't trust Morgana or himself to keep to it. He feared that one day that bond between them would get the better of them. Or worse; maybe as the dragon said they would go off in separate directions and their bond would be forcibly severed.

He turned back to look at her.

His mind told him he should end this now; that he should break the chain and tell her that (like he had once done) she would have to find her own way in the world. It would hurt less to do it now then wait until whatever happens...

But when Merlin's eyes met Morgana's across the room and he saw how anxious, desperate and lonely she was he just couldn't turn her away. He could almost hear her mind crying out for him to accept her plea and he couldn't refuse. He sighed; this would be the death of him.

Yet he couldn't help but smile at her – his way of telling people that everything would be alright – and turned back to the draw. He opened it and took back the letters. "You know," he told her cheerfully, "I think we've solved the problem of the finding spell..."

Morgana's face perked up and she dashed across the room to see what he meant. There she was confronted with the precious bounty that Arthur kept so lovingly safe. She gasped in surprise, "You do realise he will kill you if he knows you've been down his draws?"

"Arthur tries to kill me at least once a week," Merlin replied wittily. "He's slacked over the last few weeks in his sorrow over Gwen's exile so a return to norm might be good for him. Then again I don't intend for him to find out."

Morgana smiled and picked up the lace from a dress. "Isn't this..."

"Yes," Merlin smirked. "I don't want to think about it."

"Never would have taken Arthur for a bodice-ripper," she joked as she put it down and picked up the kerchief. There was some dried blood on it. "It remarkable... he kept it all. How did you find this?"

"I knew he kept the silver fairy here," Merlin explained. "He's taken that with him but I thought, for the first time in a while, that maybe he kept other things in here too. I even found out the secret of where he hid their love letters. He would never tell me."

Morgana sighed. "_Danu_ we've come so far since then."

"The earlier letters are missing but these were all written by Gwen," Merlin explained to her as he began to pick things out of the draw. "These objects all came from Gwen but the letters meant something to her when she wrote them. The more important the more likely we are to find her when we do the spell."

Morgana raised an eyebrow, "We?"

Merlin's smile became more genuine. "Of course, we'll do it together... only if you want to, of course."

"Of course I do," she replied cheerfully.

"Good," he said and handed some of the objects to her. "We'll wrap them in the red cloth, take them to my room and do the spell there. We had better get to it straight away before Arthur returns and sees his draw had been purged..."

Morgana chuckled. "Alright lead the way, master of enchantment."

Merlin wiggled his eyebrows and rushed over to the door to open it for them. Morgana stood still for a moment before calling to him again.

"Merlin..."

He turned around, "Yes?"

"I took the sleeping draught last night," she informed him, "Just as I promised."

Merlin made a quick and small smile. "I'm glad."

After that they left Arthur's chambers and Merlin made sure to lock it behind him.

-

The Orcadian prince and his guards had provided good company from the Camelonian knights and guards on their way back to Camelot. All they could talk about was how lucky it had been that Prince Gawain and his entourage had turned up when they did else the unthinkable could have happened.

Arthur didn't think it was a drastic as that but he was still extremely grateful for everything his cousin had done. If ever he were to have a right-hand man to fight a long side in battle it would always be Gawain. No question of it. It wasn't just that they were cousins but because Arthur had never met a more accomplished young knight. He had the training and valour of a true prince. In some ways Arthur saw Gawain as what he might have been had his life gone in a different direction. Moreover Gawain knew Arthur's tactics; as children they had trained together religiously whenever the family visited. Their trainers told them they movement mirrored each other perfectly.

Arthur was very glad to see Gawain again... but there was something strange about the way he had just turned up like he did. It had to be planned. He wasn't being suspicious or paranoid; he knew Gawain's mind. Although not as polished in his art of control as his mother was Gawain knew 'how to play' – as Anna called it – and was often the queen's confidant in her plans. That much Arthur did know.

He had hoped Gawain would reveal all during their last night in the village but nothing was said. The younger man would at times question the villages about any other strange goings on, something which they then said Arthur had asked them about, causing Gawain to exchange a look with his cousin. It wasn't surprised; it was one that knew _something_.

Gawain's silence frustrated Arthur to no end. There were even moments that he convinced himself that he had been sent by his mother to be his guide dog, to make sure he came back to Camelot and didn't dally too long. Yet other times he wondered if he was genuinely there to help him one way or another.

The silence continued in the morning as they made their way back to Camelot too. The only words Gawain said were 'Good morning' and order to his men to gather their things up for the journey back. All the information Arthur could scrape from Gawain's men was that they were happy to be reaching Camelot finally. It seemed the green tunics were just as useless with giving information as the red ones were.

Arthur couldn't even keep a slow pace like he had first time around so Gawain, it seemed, was hurrying him back to Camelot to meet his doom. So he rode on uncomplaining through the forests and down the dusty paths of realm while the whole time dreading the prospect of reaching Camelot and Elaine.

Then suddenly about thirty miles outside the city Gawain decided he wanted to stop. Arthur, his knights and what was now an army of Camelonian and Orcadian men grounded to a halt. The young prince turned to Arthur, "It is nearly noon—we should rest a while."

Arthur wasn't going to complain. "You're right."

The knights found a few logs to sit on and gossip like women about domestic life again while the men all shared out their water bottles to each other so everyone got a much needed drink. Arthur and Gawain both, in unison, grabbed their drinking bottles and took a large swig. They then both put them away and looked at each other.

Finally Arthur felt compelled to press his earlier issue. "You still haven't told me why you came to the western border of all places, Gawain."

Gawain wiped his lips dry. "Didn't I?"

"No."

"Well," the young prince replied, eyeing Arthur's knights, not keen on them hearing. "Let me make amends for that. I wish to speak to you anyway... about something important."

"Then tell me," Arthur said plainly.

Gawain shook his head. "In private, if you don't mind. I also want to hear everything that has been going on since I was last in Camelot... and before if you don't mind?"

The elder cousin eyed the younger one curiously. There was a moment when his mind let him believe that... but surely not? Arthur nodded and the two men stepped off the road and walked until they found a nearby clearing. A small brook babbled close to them creating a white noise that toned out the sound of the chattering men behind them. Once they stood together in the clearing Arthur wasted no time.

"I wish you would just tell me what the hell is going on, Gawain!" he snapped.

Gawain was calm as ever, smiled and shook his head, "First I want you to admit the real reason why you were so keen to get away from Camelot and defied your father. I cannot believe it was just to ensure the beast was defeated."

Arthur looked away, focusing on the brook. "I...I don't know how to answer that."

"Let me make it simple," the younger man said confidently. "You came to the western border because you wanted to avoid coming face to face with my sister, am I right?"

"Gawain, I—"

"And the reason for that is because you don't want to marry her," Gawain went on.

Arthur swallowed. "I am a prince; I cannot choose with whom I marry. That is my father's choice... whatever my feelings for Elaine are is irrelevant."

"But am I right in thinking the reason you do not wish to marry Elaine is because," Gawain paused a moment a tilted his head. "You are in love with someone else."

For the first time in a long time Arthur felt his cheeks redden. He looked away, "As I said my feelings are—"

"Oh stop talking rubbish, Arthur!" Gawain laughed amusedly. "I knew you were in love the moment I saw you on May Day, and if that wasn't enough, a few days later after the joust when I was recovering from my fall I saw it again. There, in your eyes. It's obvious. Now, let's try again, tell me what happened else you'll force me to start guessing."

Arthur was bewildered by Gawain's forwardness and (apparent) knowledge of everything that had been going on without Arthur even telling him. "What exactly do you know?"

"A lot," the prince finally confessed. "But I want to hear it from you. I want to know whether everything I've heard is true."

Arthur glanced in Gawain direction before he began to pace about the clearing helplessly, not knowing where to start. His cousin's eyes on him he tried to recount the events that led to this absurdity with Gwen, Elaine and his father.

"I barely know where to start," Arthur muttered. He stopped and looked at Gawain, "I don't want to offend you."

Gawain tilted his head, "How would you offend _me_?"

"You are Elaine's brother," Arthur replied faintly.

"Elaine's a big girl who can look after herself," Gawain scoffed. "Besides... it takes a lot to offend _me_, Arthur."

Arthur nodded faintly and began pacing again. This went on for another minute before he finally cracked; he stamped his foot on the ground and spun around to face Gawain. "Why is it that a prince has privileges above all men in Albion yet cannot choose their spouse?"

"Bigotry," the Orcadian prince suggested simply. "Every child is a pawn of their father and every prince is a pawn of dynastic plans made by the kings."

"The title 'princess' or 'lady' seems to be worth more to my father than a woman's worthiness to be a queen," Arthur snapped, not at Gawain but at the air, before he quickly added, "Not that I'm saying Elaine isn't..."

"Arthur!" Gawain scolded. "Come on, this is me... just tell me what happened to her, to Guinevere."

The elder prince stared at the younger one and sighed. "So, you really do know everything?"

"Not everything," Gawain confessed. "But I know enough; my mother is Anna, and we also had Áedh keeping us updated. I presume you figured that out, didn't you?""

Arthur nodded faintly. "I told my father I would not marry Elaine and when I refused to cooperate with him he locked me in the dungeons. It's nothing personal against your sister but I just can't bring myself to face the idea of her being my wife. I don't see how it would solve anything and besides..." he stopped for a moment and smiled. He reached under his armour and pulled out the silver fairy. Gawain saw the shining metal though Arthur kept it firmly gripped in his hands, "I didn't want be without Guinevere or see her granted the derogatory title of mistress..."

"I understand."

"And now," Arthur went on with an odd tint of passion in his voice, "My father had her exiled to—I don't know—and I know he's not clever enough to have organised it himself, he had help..."

Gawain nodded. "He did. He asked my mother for help in 'dealing' with the situation."

"I'm not surprised," Arthur muttered, his voice falling back into a defeated tone. "I don't blame your mother because everything she did, she did for her family, for Elaine... My father can make no such claim."

There was a long paused as the two men tried to move past the resurfacing of old feelings and painful events they had watched unroll before their eyes. Arthur leant against a tree, swallowed, and spoke slowly. "You once promised me that if I ever needed help you would," he began carefully, not turning to face Gawain. "Is that still true?"

"Of course," Gawain said.

Arthur spoke as if his words were causing him real, physical pain. "In that case... could you help me in trying to," he paused a moment, "trying to delay the formal agreement of marriage between Elaine and I? I know it's not right to ask you this but... I need time, time to, well, get my head around it, to learn to live with the idea..."

He was cut off by Gawain at that moment. Arthur thought he was going to reprimand him for what he had asked but what occurred next took him by complete surprise.

"That's it!" Gawain snapped loud enough for the men to hear. He quickly took his tone down and hurried to Arthur's side. "This has gone on far enough. I promised I wouldn't tell you until we returned to Camelot but... I can't let you go on like this."

Arthur spun around in surprised. "What are you talking about?"

"Arthur," Gawain said quietly. "Nothing is as it seems."

"Again, what are you--?"

"This whole thing it is not what you think it is," Gawain said, as if making some terrible confession for a crime Arthur didn't even know had been committed. "I was hoping simply to find out how you felt but—I can't keep this from you any longer. As long as you do what I say it should be fine..."

"Gawain," Arthur said with the same forcefulness that he had used to interrupt him. "Just tell me what you are talking about."

Gawain sighed and nodded. "Alright, I'll tell you but, like I said, I need you to do exactly as I say else..." he stopped; Arthur's face told him that he got the point. It was poised and ready to listen. The younger prince swallowed. "_I know where she is_."

That hit Arthur like nothing had ever hit him before. He wondered why he hadn't guessed what this whole fiasco Gawain had led him on was about. Now he realised he was so occupied in his remorse over facing the cousin (who he respected) that was also the brother of Elaine. He couldn't think about any of that now. Gawain's revelation left him momentarily dumbstruck. Arthur swallowed a deep breath before gasping in shock. He could barely coherent words that another human being could understand.

"Y-you know where she is?" Arthur finally managed to say.

Gawain nodded slowly. "I couldn't tell you before because it's meant to be a secret. I shouldn't have told you now but..."

"But where is she?" Arthur said, barely hearing what his cousin had just said. "Tell me."

"I'll tell you," Gawain said calmly, taking a step forward. "I swear I will tell you and I will help. And so will Elaine but first you need to hear this..."

"What?"

Gawain paused a moment. "To hear what this whole thing has been about."

-

Back in Camelot, Merlin was rearranging his tiny room to make space to conduct the finding spell successfully. The magic book said that he needed to create as much space as possible and, for this particularly strong spell, two or more helpers would help find the individual better. Two people would have to do as Merlin didn't know anyone else with the magic gift. He hoped that his powerful magic would make up for the lack of bodies. Nonetheless he was excited as he shifted his bed out of the way at the thought that they would finally know where Gwen was. It would also be Morgana first powerful spell and, while she was by no means ready to do something like this on her own, Merlin would be there to help her and conduct this spell.

Morgana watched as Merlin re-ordered the room and then began to draw a chalk circle on the floor. He then divided it into eighths and wrote strange signs on each corner. He was so distracted with his work yet he didn't ask Morgana for help, not that she minded.

Instead she turned her attention to his desk. It was covered in papers! It had little diagrams, bits of chants and writings all of which were connected to magic and enchantment. It scared her a bit; if a guard of Camelot were to march in here, he would be doomed. Yet the spells were all neatly written out on equally fitted paper. As she leant over to look closer she noticed that there were other papers too, those belonging to an old medical book. Morgana then spied the cover of that medical book; Merlin had cut out the pages.

"I don't think Gaius will be pleased with this," she muttered.

Merlin looked up and turned red. He grabbed a cloth from his bed to cover it all up. His movements were so quick he nearly tripped over and smudged his chalk work. He threw the cloth over it and took a deep sigh of relief.

Morgana was very amused. "Goodness, Merlin! You'd think I'd have just uncovered your diary... or a secret stash of erotica!"

Merlin's face went even redder. "I have never kept a diary and I have never seen any... _you know_, in my life."

Her smile widened. "Of course not, your life has been far too sheltered for that, hasn't it?"

Merlin said nothing; he didn't even seem awkward any more. He neatly levelled the cloth over the table and turned back to his chalk writing, mumbling, "It's just a project I'm working on. I've finished setting up, if you could sit on the other side of the circle and sit just as I am."

Morgana didn't press the issue of the papers further and obeyed Merlin by sitting opposite him on the other side of the circle. She closed his bedroom door before she did and knelt before him as she, rather awkwardly, tried to cross her legs under her long, thick dress to mirror Merlin. Eventually she made herself comfortable and awaited further instruction.

Merlin placed the letters in the centre of the circle along with the dried out flowers, hair slides and various other trinkets they had borrowed from Arthur's secret draw. He then held out his hands to take Morgana's, "Take my hands."

She didn't waste any time in taking them.

"I'm going to start doing the spell," he informed her, much like he did during their simple lessons of magic. Morgana knew she had never quite done something this big or important before; she couldn't risk it going wrong.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked.

"Try and clear your mind of everything," Merlin told her. "The spell will draw magic from both of us as I perform it," he moved their joined hands to position them over the objects, "then in our minds we will be shown the journey that Gwen took between Camelot and wherever she is now. Understand?"

Morgana nodded quickly.

"Right," Merlin chirped happily. "Let's do this; close your eyes."

Morgana obeyed. "Good luck."

"You too," Merlin replied.

He too closed his eyes and took a moment to begin chanting the spell. It was very long and complex with very few words Morgana recognised, but she refused to think too much of the spell – she had to keep her mind clear. All she thought of was back as that wonderfully mysterious and lilting way Merlin spoke when he used magic filled her ears;

_"Brudd dduwiau Lleu a Gwydion, benthyca ni 'ch chreuau,_  
_argeisiwn 'r berson, 'r gwrthddadlau berchen,_  
_Gwynion Gwydion, argeisia 'u i maes,_  
_Ca 'r deithio, ca _Gwenhwyfar_, ca 'i llusga_  
_Asbri falia 'm alw. Ca 'i awron..."_

The words of the spell seemed to cast a shadow over Morgana's mind, as Merlin said each word her grasp of what he was saying grew fainter and fainter until, upon the last word of the spell, a great surge of energy rushed through her. It took them both by surprise; Morgana nearly jumped back but Merlin grasped her hands tightly to keep her in place. She clutched her eyes as a faded image began to seep into her mind. It was such a bizarre feeling, like entering a trance. Merlin was slightly fazed by sensations to but he knew he had to keep them both focused.

"Keep still," he whispered to her. "Let the spell show us the way..."

Without warning there was a burst of power inside their heads, like a great realisation. The image swiftly became clearer in their minds as they saw a birds-eye view look over the valley of Camelot. It zoomed to different angles, different locations within the forest – at one brief moment they both thought they saw Arthur and Gawain rushing along one of the paths towards Camelot but neither said anything – all the way across the plains and hills before finally reaching a river...

"The Tamar," Merlin whispered.

Their hearts braced as they were taken over the natural beauty of the Cornish lands until, finally, the image stopped dead on one image. It was that of a castle sitting upon a cliff overlooking the sea. They both took a deep breath. There hunched up on top of a rock seated on the cliffs of the island looking out over the water towards the mainland was Gwen...

Morgana's eyes shot open.

"Tintagel," she cried in triumph.

The moment she opened her eyes Merlin lost focus and the spell faded away. It was only then that Morgana realised that the objects in the middle of the circle had been glowing with their aura. It stopped the moment Merlin's hands moved away; it was only at that point that Morgana remembered she was still holding them.

"Merlin," she said again, "I know that place. I know that castle anywhere; it's Tintagel! I was born there, I grew up there... I spent _the first ten years of my life_ there!"

Merlin gasped, "Uther must have left her in the care of the Duke."

"My uncle Cador," she announced as if to remind him of the fact.

There was a long pause.

"She was there this whole time," the young warlock gasped. He could barely find the right words to speak. He shook his head, "She looked so... sad."

"My uncle Cador is a good man, though" Morgana said quickly, as if wanting to defend her reclusive uncle she had not seen for nearly thirteen years. "He's lived in solitude ever since my father died but he must have agreed to look after Gwen..."

"Gwen told me once that he gave her the silver fairy," he went on musing. "It sounded as if he and Tom were friends."

"They were," Morgana confirmed. "Cador would always go to Tom for his armour, swords and horseshoes. In return for his work he gave him patronage... and Tom would often do lose shoes for free, although Uncle Cador hated that. He felt he was taking advantage of Tom's good nature!"

Merlin chuckled. "Then at least she's been with someone she knows and looks after her."

"She was dressed quite finely," Morgana recalled from the image they saw of her. "And although the castle doesn't look like much and the servants aren't as many as here in Camelot... they are all good people."

"I think it looks beautiful," Merlin replied, "Tintagel."

Morgana smiled faintly. "There are many things from my early life that I don't remember but I'll never forget Tintagel."

A moment silence went by before Merlin, suddenly remembering himself, swiftly gathered up all of Gwen's belongings and wrapped them up in the red cloth again. Morgana snapped out of daydream to watch him. "Come on," he said as he picked the buddle up, "we have to get these things back to Arthur's draw before he comes back and realises they're gone."

"Why are you so certain we need to rush?" Morgana asked.

"The vision showed how close he was to Camelot," Merlin told her, rushing out his door. "It showed us this as it truly is and judging by Arthur's speed we have... well, not very long."

They quickly rushed back to Arthur's chambers. Morgana watched the door anxiously as Merlin hurried tried to return everything in the draw to how it had been before. He put the letters place in what he deemed to be their special place along with the dried flowers and hair slides. Finally he wrapped the red cloth over them and closed off the secret draw by closing the bottom of the lock draw over them. He hurried closed the draw and moved away...

"Lock!" Morgana barked.

Merlin stopped and quickly turned back to the door, locking it with his magic.

They both sighed with relief and Merlin looked out the window; there was no sign of Arthur yet. He turned back to Morgana, "You'd better get back to your chambers."

Morgana nodded slowly and moved towards the side door near the bed rather than the main door. Before she left she turned and said, "Thank you."

"No, I should be saying thank you and well done," Merlin told her. "You did very well with the spell—"

"I wasn't talking about that," Morgana whispered. "I meant for being so nice about what happened earlier, what I said... and just, thank you."

Merlin nodded. "Don't mention it."

She turned again to leave but once again stopped, this time chuckling. "I can't believe we actually found Gwen."

Merlin smiled. "I know... I'm glad I was able to do the spell at all."

"Will you tell him as soon as he gets back?" Morgana asked.

He nodded.

She nodded too, smiling before she left the room leaving Merlin alone. He took a deep breath and sighed. For the first time he had a moment to think about all the things he had discovered. He knew where Gwen was and had made a promise to Morgana. He wanted to think more about what these two things meant, what might happen because of them but he had no time. The door to Arthur's chambers flew open and in ran Gregory.

"M-Merlin, he's back!" he chocked, clearly having run all the way from town square to find Merlin. He tried to catch his breath, "It's Prince Arthur, and he's back. Prince Gawain is here too—nearly here—a whole _damned_ army of people..."

"Calm down and take deep breaths," Merlin told Gregory.

Gregory slopped into a chair. "Sorry—I just ran all the way from—from—anyway, he'll be here soon so you'd better get downstairs."

"I'll be like the wind," Merlin said excitedly.

He was as good as his word. Being used to rushing around trying to save lives and keep up with enemies a quick run from Arthur's chambers to the front door wasn't much to him. He flew down the staircases until he made it to the front entrance of the castle.

As he expected Arthur, Gawain, the knights and the guards of both kingdoms were already there. The Orcadian guards and knights that came with Queen Anna rushed out to greet the other guards and Prince Gawain who they had not seen in over a week.

Arthur dismounted his horse swiftly and charged towards the front door. Merlin didn't think he seemed angry or depressed; so he walked up to him quickly.

"You're back!" Merlin said enthusiastically.

"Nothing escapes you, does it Merlin?"

Arthur walked past Merlin towards the castle. The young servant faithfully followed him, deciding to just reveal what he knew then and there. He wasn't sure how Arthur would react, whether he would ask questions or be suspicious of how he could know where Gwen was. But he couldn't put off telling him.

He rushed in front of him.

Arthur stopped, "What is it, Merlin?"

"Arthur," Merlin began slowly, already getting on a very anxious Arthur's nerves, "I have something very important to tell you."

"Spit it out, then" Arthur ordered. "And be fast I have a letter to write."

Merlin didn't know what he meant but he went on. "Don't ask me how I found out or how I know but" he stopped again and took a deep breath, "I know where Gwen is. She's..."

"At Tintagel Castle" Arthur finished, a faint smile appearing across his lips. "I know—don't ask how _I _found out and don't tell my father."

The prince hit Merlin boyishly on the shoulder and hurriedly ascended the stairs leaving his manservant standing in the middle, dumbfounded.

Arthur already knew? Maybe he'd met someone who told him on his trip. After all that hard work at figuring out how to do the finding spell... and Arthur had already found out. It was good that they now knew but it was frustrating for Merlin to find out he had just wasted the last day worrying about getting this spell right.

A hand touched Merlin's shoulder and he spun around. It was Gawain.

The young prince smiled, "I assume you heard then?"

Merlin pretended not to know. "Heard what?"

"You don't have to lie to me, Merlin" Gawain told him beckoning him to follow him up the stairs and too and quieter place where they could not be overheard by the wrong people. "It was me who told Arthur where Gwen was."

Merlin's eyes widened, "Y-you knew where she was?"

Gawain nodded. "I imagine you used a few 'tricks' to try and work it out too. I'm sorry if I've caused you to waste your time."

Merlin hated the way Gawain had referred to it as 'tricks' but he knew he did it because the 'm' word was not to be used unless absolutely necessary. Even then it was to be used with extreme caution. It took Merlin a moment to remember that Gawain knew about it. It was reassuring that the prince referenced it freely, however cryptically, to him. It was clear that Gawain had no vendetta against those with magic. Then again considering what Merlin had found out about his mother and sister it would be worse if he did.

"No it's fine," Merlin eventually said. "It doesn't matter which one of us told him as long as he knows."

Gawain nodded. "I'm sorry I couldn't have said anything sooner; it was necessary, you see."

Merlin's tone became serious. "You must be taking a terrible risk by telling Arthur about this."

"Why do you say that?" Gawain asked, tilting his head.

The servant didn't understand the prince's indifference to his mother. Merlin swallowed, "I just assumed that your mother would..."

His words were cut off by Gawain's laughter.

"Oh that!" Gawain said, as if he were not taking it seriously. "I don't worry myself about that."

"What do you mean?" Merlin asked curiously.

"It doesn't matter right now," the prince replied, brushing him off. He then leaned forward and smiled, "What does matter is that Arthur will need your help. I've already helped him come up with a plan, updated him on everything he needs to know... but he will almost certainly need your help."

"He _always_ does!" Merlin sighed.

Elsewhere Arthur made his way straight to his chambers. He barely knew what to do even though Gawain had told him what to do. All he could think about was taking action but another part him knew he had to be careful. Arthur had been miserable for weeks; a drastic change in his mood would make people suspicious, or worse they'd start to think he was _happy_ about be engaged to Elaine. He'd rather be found out than let people think _that_!

As he walked down the corridors, servants bowing as he went along, he knew he should call in on the throne room to see his father but, since they were not talking, he felt it could wait. The only regret he had was that it was being rude to his aunt Anna. But she was not so easily offended.

The moment he opened the door of his room he quickly began to shred himself of his armour, throwing each piece to one side with a loud clatter as it hit the ground as he made his way to his bureau. He was more or less disrobed by the time he sat down of any type of metal except his chainmail. With one last effort he undid his belt (causing his sword to crash to the ground) and threw that off too. It felt liberating to get it all off.

He grabbed some paper and ink, and began scribbling.

Merlin came in to find Arthur engrossed in his work. He closed the chamber doors and began picking up the pieces of armour to put away. Arthur only faintly acknowledged Merlin's presence behind him.

"So," the servant said, heaving the first parts to one side, "Gawain already told you where Gwen is."

"You really are psychic, aren't you Merlin?" Arthur said sarcastically. The boy said nothing and walked closer to pick up the chainmail and sword. As he knelt down close to Arthur's chair, the prince looked up from his page. "And how did _you_ find out where Guinevere is?"

Merlin's ears burnt as he tried to answer.

"Um," he hesitated, "well... I, um..."

"Your hesitation can only mean you achieved the knowledge through unorthodox means," the prince commented. Merlin felt his heart brace. Arthur tilted his head, "You heard Elaine talk about it or something didn't you?"

Merlin relaxed and beamed. "You got me."

Arthur turned back to his writing as Merlin carried the mail and sword to the basket and throwing it down with another crash, not even attempting to put it away properly.

"Normally I'd reprimand you for eavesdropping, Merlin" the prince told him. "But given the circumstances I couldn't give a damn how you came across the information."

"That's good to know, sire."

"Frankly," Arthur muttered absently. "I wouldn't care if you'd used magic."

Merlin swallowed. "So Elaine knew where Gwen is too? I mean obviously she knew (since I overheard her and everything) but I was... surprised to find out that the queen even mentioned Gwen to her."

That was true. The other night it taken both Merlin (and Percival) by complete surprise to find out that Elaine had been aware of Arthur's relationship with Gwen. He would have thought that Anna, in order to shield her daughter, would have kept her oblivious to the whole plot.

"I was surprised too," Arthur said, still writing. "Aunt Anna must have told her. Elaine is bright but she's not the sloth her mother is."

"Of course," Merlin said, not really knowing what else to say.

He stood silently for a moment listening to the sound of Arthur's pen scratching at the page. This went on for another minute before Merlin finally broke the silence.

"So I take it we're going to get her?" he said.

"That goes without saying," Arthur responded, finishing his letter.

Merlin was pleasantly surprised that Arthur hadn't questioned the 'we' part. Then again he remembered what Gawain said and assumed that Arthur already knew he needed his help. "So, you're letting me come too?"

"Of course," Arthur said, sealing the letter. "I will need you later."

Arthur stood up from the table, walked to Merlin and handed him the letter.

"This is very important, Merlin" the prince told the servant. "It is vital that Gwen gets this letter within the next day. I want you to ensure that it goes with the swiftest messenger to Cornwall."

Merlin nodded but then thought. "But... we can't use the royal messenger because he might tell the king."

"No," Arthur agreed, "Gawain said to use his messenger as he is one of the swiftest in the land and undetectable to my father. As far as he's concerned, Gawain sent the letter."

"Where do I find him?"

"He'll be lodged with grooms I imagine," Arthur told him. "Just go to the servants' quarters set up for the Orcadian party and ask for Dáithí."

"Dáithí," Merlin repeated, "Got it."

"Make sure he leaves tonight," Arthur told him, but then he stopped, "No, as soon as he is able."

"Right" the servant turned to carry out the order, but then he had another thought. "Wait a minute won't he get stopped at the Tamar? The guards on both sides are quite fierce when it comes to border crossing."

"Gawain has a declaration from Cador himself," Arthur assured him quickly. "Dáithí has one too and is an Orcadian servant... so he can't be searched by Camelonian guards. It's undiplomatic, apparently."

Merlin gave an assured thumbs but before turning away to deliver the letter. He then thought of yet another thing.

"Arthur..." he began.

Arthur was starting to get irritated, "Ye-_es_?"

"Just how are we going to sneak out of Camelot long enough for your father and aunt not to notice you're missing?" he asked. "As soon as they realise they'll send riders out for us."

Arthur made a faint smile. "That is taken care of, don't worry."

The prince then made his way towards the backdoor of his room.

Merlin called after him, "Where are you going?"

"To do something important," Arthur shouted back cryptically. He pointed at his servant with authority, "I want you back here in an hour to help me prepare for dinner. I'll be seeing my aunt for the first time in four years and I want to make a reasonable impression."

Merlin nodded and left the room.

Arthur waited until he was gone before he went out the other door to carry out his own activities. As he walked along he wondered if he should call in on his aunt before the dinner... but it would only be a few hours and she wouldn't mind waiting. He didn't even want to waste time thinking about Anna, Elaine or even Gawain. He simply wanted to run tomorrow's plans through his head a few more times.

Tomorrow was Friday.

-

Dinner was at the usual time and everyone was called to be there.

It was also more formal than usual as Uther ensured that Arthur and Morgana both got there ahead of Anna, Gawain and Elaine. While they waited for the Orcadian family to arrive Uther scolded Arthur for not coming to pay greetings to his aunt that afternoon, but Arthur said nothing as per usual. Morgana just stood in silence thinking about that afternoon, partially in regards to Gwen but (admittedly) mostly in regards to Merlin. It made her smile.

Finally the doors opened and, up keeping the unnatural formality, the queen and her family were announced by the doorman. Uther, Arthur and Morgana dragged themselves to their feet. "Announcing," he began grandly, causing Arthur's eyes to roll, "Their royal highnesses Queen Anna, Prince Gawain and Princess Elaine of Gododdin and Orkney."

As could be expected Anna did not wait for the doorman to step aside and neatly brushed past him as her two children followed. She turned to look at the doorman and chuckled, "Goodness me, you don't need to stand on ceremony, Uther! If it were any other monarch I'd understand but," she turned to look him with her cat-smile, "We are family."

Uther managed to smile. "I thought I would stand on ceremony since this will be the first occasion that we two and our children have been together for a meal."

"We're flattered all the same," Anna said with a nod of the head.

Arthur looked over at the beautiful Elaine curiously. He wondered if she had changed much since he'd last seen her. The first thing he thought when he saw her was how tall she was now.

Gawain and Elaine both lingered to one side as Anna dismissed their servants and everyone took their seats. Naturally Uther had placed Anna at the other head of the table, as accustomed to her position but Gawain and Elaine, who had not yet dined formally in Camelot, stayed standing. In politeness Arthur and Morgana also remained standing.

Anna looked at the two siblings. "Are you two going to stand there like rabbits all night?"

"We are waiting to be allocated seats, mother" Gawain replied with a smile. He then looked to Uther, "At home our father has a system, you see."

"For goodness sake, sit where you like!" Anna said cheerfully. "I told you no formality, just family."

Uther gestured the empty chair to his left. "Elaine, I'd be grateful if you would sit beside me. Gawain, I'm sure Arthur would appreciate you sitting beside him."

Arthur's eyes immediately fell on the empty chair opposite him and he rolled his eyes again. It was just like his father to seat Elaine opposite him. He no doubt did it to remind him of her beauty, to try and enchant him. It was obvious that Elaine would have rather had the neighbouring but distant seat next to Arthur rather than being sat opposite him. Nonetheless she gracefully made her way to her chair and sat down. Arthur, too, resumed his seat.

The two cousins were eye to eye for the first time in four years.

"Hello," Arthur said plainly.

"Hello," Elaine said with equal plainness.

Arthur couldn't think of anything sensible to say so he said: "You've certainly shot up in the last four years."

Uther glared at his son.

Elaine smiled, "Through the roof, father says."

Then Uther relaxed, glad Elaine was not offended but he was still annoyed that Arthur had said such a thing in the first place. He turned to Elaine, "You used to be such a tiny little thing that we were worried you'd barely touch five feet."

"And now I've grown another seven inches!" Elaine chuckled.

Anna smiled, "She was a late blossom, indeed."

Elaine looked at Morgana. "I believe I'm an inch or two taller than you."

"I believe you are," Morgana agreed, finally sitting down.

As Morgana sat down Gawain pulled her chair out and pushed it back in for her before making his way back to his seat. Morgana smiled, "Thank you, Gawain. What a gentleman you are!"

"Just trying to be nice," Gawain quickly said, as if worried someone might take his actions the wrong way.

"It is still nicer than most of the men at this court," she told him.

Arthur sighed. "Is that a dig at me?"

"Not you," Morgana replied, picking up her cup, "Just men in general."

"Don't be fooled, Morgana," Elaine told her before looking cattily at her brother. "He maybe all politeness and smiles to _other_ people's sisters but he didn't pull out and push in his _own_ sister's chair."

Gawain laughed, "You'd probably accuse me of being patronising if I did!"

"Stop squabbling," their mother sighed.

Arthur smiled and looked at his cousin. Yes, Elaine was beautiful, _very_ beautiful. He would even admit that there was _no one_ in Camelot more beautiful—but she was a bit too tall for his liking. She was still shorter than him by a good two or three inches but he a specific height in mind for his perfect woman. He glanced at her again. She was very, _very_ blonde; too blonde for Arthur's liking as he preferred dark hair. And she was too pale, too. Practically _translucent_! He didn't like pale complexions and didn't understand why women at court thought having marble skin and red cheeks look attractive. They looked like painted bards with all that blusher!

He stopped and smirked behind a clenched hand; there was nothing wrong with Elaine. He just had a specific type and she wasn't it. Guinevere was _it_.

"I think it would be wisest to have the treaty signed within the next few days," Uther suddenly came out, looking directly at Anna.

Arthur and Elaine exchanged looks before looking down the other end of the table at Anna. She sipped her wine and looked up at Uther.

"As you wish," she said simply. "I don't see the hurry, though."

"I'm only trying to accommodate for you, Anna" Uther told his sister-in-law. "I'm perfectly happy to wait until next week."

Anna looked up. "Then why don't you? It's only seven days. It's not like anything is going to change between now and then, is it?"

The queen placed down her goblet and looked at Arthur.

"Then again a lot can happen in a week," she conceded, looking at the unreadable expression on her nephew's face. She quickly looked to Uther, "I think we should use this week to complete the final draft of the treaty, make sure it is perfect..."

Uther picked up his goblet but shrugged at Anna's suggestion. "Very well, but I don't see what else we can do to improve it."

"I'm sure something will come up," Anna told him.

She looked at Arthur, Gawain and Elaine individually and a small smile spread across her lips. Both her children smirked, and Uther was none the wiser as to what was so funny. Even Arthur had managed to smile.

-

Merlin was preparing to leave the next day with Arthur.

He packed his bag with the important things; blanket, pillow, food and water (and a little wine to keep him warm in the cold autumn). He wasn't sure how they were going to sneak out of the castle tomorrow without arousing Uther's suspicion but Arthur had said that he and Gawain had fixed everything. Merlin might have worried about it being Arthur's plan, but Gawain seemed more on the ball when it came to being cunning.

Merlin smiled; Gawain _knew how to suck up to Uther_.

He glanced over at his table where the cloth he had thrown over the papers there earlier still lay. It is nearly done, he thought. He was then reminded of something. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. He unfolded it and looked at the blurred writing on it. _Yn Cysgu Addoed, Yn Bucheddu Addoed_; it was 'The Invincible Spell'.

He had found it in the medical book that he had cut up for his 'project'. Of all the books he could have chosen he had been especially drawn to that one... and there hidden between the pages was the dangerous spell that Gaius had warned Merlin so strongly about. It was then that Merlin realised that Gaius had taken it and hidden it. It was obvious to the young warlock that his old friend did not trust him with it.

Merlin decided not to confront Gaius about it; there was no point. He just added it to the list of blows that the old man had struck on him and his trust.

His efforts were wasted, Merlin thought. He slipped the paper back into his magic book and replaced it under the floorboard in his room. The young warlock had _no_ intention on showing this spell to Morgana anyway. Even if he did she probably wouldn't understand it and certainly wouldn't be able to use it...

No, it was Gaius's lack of trust in him that hurt the most. He still thought he was just a foolish boy!

It was hard for Merlin to take both Gaius and the dragon's warnings against Morgana seriously when both on them continuously manipulated and tricked him themselves. Yes, Merlin expected it from the dragon but he loved Gaius as a father. That's why it frustrated him so much.

He heard the door open behind him.

Merlin turned, expecting to see Gaius but was surprised to see Morgana standing there. The moment their eyes met a smile passed between them. She walked slowly towards him and he walked towards her, coming out of his room to meet her near Gaius's workbench. They stood there staring at each other for ten whole seconds before Morgana looked away and laughed.

"What an irony!" she declared amusedly. "We went to all that trouble for weeks trying to find out where Gwen is and Gawain knew all along."

"You've heard then?"

"Gawain told me."

Merlin smirked. "I guess it is very ironic."

She looked back at him, her face soft and her smile small but genuine. "It could have saved you a lot of time, not doing that spell."

"I'm glad we did it, though" Merlin said honestly, a smile appearing across his face too. Suddenly their being together felt more intimate than it should do. He quickly dropped the smile and looked away, "I think you learnt something from the spell, didn't you."

"I'm grateful you let me help you," she said in semi-agreement. There were some parts of the spell that she didn't understand but she knew the concept and how it worked. That was a good start for a fledgling sorcerer. "I always feel happiest when doing magic with you."

Merlin smiled again but quickly looked down.

Morgana tilted her head. "I assume you're going to find Gwen, then?"

"Arthur and I leave tomorrow," he told her. "Gawain is going to help us sneak out of Camelot, bide us time before Uther and Anna realise that we've gone."

"I wish I could come to."

"You must say here. Uther will become suspicious if you leave too."

"I know."

Merlin glanced behind him at his room where his bag (and project) both were. He then turned back to Morgana and sighed. "When we find Gwen," he told her softly, "then maybe you should take a trip back to Tintagel."

Morgana looked at him and smiled sadly, "Uther wouldn't approve..."

"Since when have you cared what Uther thought?"

"By which I mean that Uther would probably say no," she told him with a sigh. "It's very difficult to cross borders between Camelot and Cornwall. I imagine that's why Uther chose it for Gwen; somewhere so close to save money, but very difficult for Arthur to get to—wait! How are you going to pass the guards at the border?"

"I'm not sure," Merlin replied honestly. "I'm sure Arthur and Gawain will think of something."

Morgana scoffed. "Just Gawain, not Arthur—non-military plans have never been Arthur's strongest point."

They both laughed. Another moment past; Merlin knew this was wrong, that they were at risk of going back on their earlier promise. They had agreed to be friends and he had promised to keep helping her, but moments like this where they touched each other and laughed freely with each other _had to stop_. Not just because of their magic but because of Uther; they had been lucky that he never followed up earlier suspicions, that he had merely attributed it to hiding Arthur and Gwen's affair.

Merlin bit his lip. "Morgana..."

"Merlin"

He placed her hands together and hissed. "I think... it is still best if you and I don't spend so much time with each other. We don't want to incriminate ourselves."

Morgana stared at him before nodding slowly and taking a few steps away from him. "Of course, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here..."

"No, no" he said quickly.

"No, you're right" she said, stilling in her backing away from him. "It isn't fair of me to keep... bothering you."

"No," he said firmly. "That's not what I meant. I just want you to be careful."

Morgana suddenly felt annoyed.

"I _am_ being careful," she snapped.

She was irritated by repressed feelings and being forced to ignore them. She would freely admit to relying on Merlin an awful lot, but she hated the constant mixed signals he gave her. One moment she felt in awe of his power and fascinated by the things he showed her, and he would seem happen. Then the next moment she would do something to annoy, upset or disappoint him... and he would look at her with that look. The same look he had given her when Arthur nearly died from the questing beast's bite, the look of disappointment.

"I know you think I'm an idiot without your help, that you don't trust me to make the right choice..." she went on, now feeling angry.

Morgana trailed off, half expecting Merlin to make some sort of snappy comeback. But he didn't; Merlin said nothing. That annoyed her even more.

"_Danu_ below!" she gasped. "You really _do_ think that, don't you?"

Merlin sighed and looked her in the eyes. "Morgana..."

She really was angry now. "Who the hell are you to think that your way is always better? Who are you to make the difficult decisions? How old are you Merlin, eighteen or nineteen? You're not yet twenty in any case. You're so young, but you act like you have weight of the world on your shoulders."

Merlin sighed. "Do you think it is easy being me?"

"No, but I think you need to settle down more."

"Ah, settle down" he said with a tint of sarcasm. "That would be lovely. It's a pity I can't do that; I never have time to settle down because either I'm running around after Arthur or doing errands for Gaius. The rest of the time I'm trying to help you and work on my own magic. I do all of that while constantly trying to fulfil my destiny—you wouldn't believe that I have had to do to keep Arthur alive. And being Arthur's bodyguard leads people of our kind to noticing my gift... do they accept me or leave me alone? No, they try to kill me, and I can't tell anyone else about my gift because if Uther found out he'd execute me without a second thought."

Morgana's face was straight. "Do you think I'm not frightened of that too?"

"Oh yes," he said, still sarcastic. "It must be so hard for you with your _bad dreams_ and plotting to kill Uther..."

Her eyes widened, "Merlin!

"You're in a safe place, Morgana" he stressed. "Keep your gift secret and don't let Uther find out but, even if he did find out, there is still a chance for you... he might spare you. You are in a place beyond suspicion. I'm not."

Morgana scowled at him, before her face softened again, and she looked up at him again. "Then let me use my position to divert attention from you. Let me help you."

"That's why we need to keep our distance," Merlin told her, his voice now calming down. "To be associated with me, magic wise or not would taint your place in the king's favour. If that happens then you might not be beyond suspicion. I always have to risk my own life I don't see why you should risk yours..."

"What's the point in having magic if I can't use it?" Morgana asked.

"Magic doesn't solve everything. I've learned that the hard way..."

"If you let me help you," she went on, not really listening to his murmurs, "then we could achieve great things. If you teach me then maybe, one day, people will come to see magic as a force for good."

Merlin looked at her in silence. The dragon's words were hollow in his mind; he couldn't imagine Morgana ever doing anything to harm him. Yet she had shown she was capable of letting her anger get the better of her, especially in regards to Uther. Merlin knew that he had to keep Morgana close to stop her gift corrupting her, forcing her to seek less honourable influences. There were plenty of renegade sorcerers in Camelot. He couldn't bear the thought of her falling under their influence. He couldn't let it happen...

"I'll never leave you on your own," Merlin suddenly said. "Whether you see me or not, I'll always try to help you. I like to think you'd do the same for me."

"Of course I will!"

Merlin smiled. He didn't realise just how close Morgana had brought herself to him; she was literally inches away from his face. He moved away and smiled shyly.

"I need to finish packing."

Morgana began to back away again. "Of course..."

At that point (goodness knew why because they certainly didn't) in a moment of madness (because it couldn't have been anything else), they kissed firmly on the lips. They weren't certain which of them initiated the kiss. Merlin thought it might have been him, but Morgana assumed it had to have been her. It was her last time, after all. But this wasn't like the last kiss; that had been born out curiosity to find out how strong the magic between them would feel, lip to lip. It had been quite innocent.

But this kiss was hungry.

Morgana had backed herself against a wall (or maybe it was Merlin who had backed her there?) and wrapped her arms around Merlin's neck to pull him deeper. She felt a groan strangle itself in his throat as he too pulled her closer. They literally felt sparks fly between them, raw power and energy draining itself from their lips. She knew it was wrong kiss him like this after their agreement... but once it had started, they just couldn't stop.

The kiss was also different because this time Merlin didn't hold back. He had been caught completely off guard last time, innocent (more or less) to Morgana's feelings, and she to his. Now, they were fully aware. And he knew he should stop, he knew he had to stop. But just like her, he found that he couldn't. They might have kissed forever and they would never have thought to stop for longer than a few seconds.

The front door opened and Gaius walked in.

"_Merlin_," he called.

It startled them. Morgana threw Merlin back, propelling him against the other wall as he also moved to back away from her.

They sheepishly turned their heads to meet Gaius's eyes. He had seen it. He stood there with the dreaded disapproving eyebrow of doom. It was all he could think to do in those few seconds as he had been confronted with his worst fear; actual proof that Merlin and Morgana had become too close. It made his stomach tighten with worry.

"Morgana," he said, looking to the dumbstruck woman.

Morgana knew he wanted her to go, no doubt to reprimand Merlin. She glanced over at Merlin, who returned her look. She stepped closer to him again and whispered, gently _'Bring her back'_, before turning quickly to march out of the room, passing Gaius in the process.

Gaius's eyes followed her out the room, but he never turned his head away from facing Merlin. Once the door closed and she was gone he turned his attention fully to the young warlock.

"Merlin," he began with caution.

"Leave it, Gaius" Merlin said firmly, and returned to his room.

He quickly went back to packing his bag, knowing that Gaius would follow him to confront him about the kiss... or even coax out of him the reason for why he was packing a bag. Either way Merlin knew he was going to lose his temper; he suspected that Gaius had lied about Gwen again, too.

As he predicted Gaius opened the door to his room and stepped in.

His voice was furious, "Merlin how could you be so foolish?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You and Morgana," the old man said. "You promised me that nothing would ever happen between the two of you."

"And nothing has."

"You kissed her, Merlin."

He looked away, "It doesn't mean anything has happened."

"But it _will_ happen at the rate you're going," Gaius warned him.

"It won't!" Merlin argued back. "I have the situation under control. Morgana and I promised each other just this afternoon that nothing would happen between us; that we'd be friends and that is all!"

"And that promise lasted, what _four or five hours_?"

Merlin looked down at his bag dolefully, not wanting to look Gaius in the face. "I know it was a mistake..."

"And one day one of your mistakes will go too far," Gaius went on, trying to stress his point. "I mean it, Merlin. It is not for what the dragon said that I warn you against this, it is Uther. If he ever found _he would kill you_. Never mind your use of magic."

He slammed his bag down. "Do you really think I lack any self-control?"

Gaius paused a moment, biting his bottom lip to try and disguise his worry from Merlin. His tone became more relaxed and careful, "It's not that I don't trust you, Merlin. I just fear that your desire for a companion like yourself will influence you from making the right decision."

Merlin took a deep breath to calm down too. He closed his eyes and sighed, "I need to make my own choice, Gaius. If I need your help I will ask you but... you need to let me make my own decision, and if it's wrong then that'll be on my head."

"It's your head I'm worried about."

Merlin turned back to his bag. "I'll probably be thrown away in the dungeons for this anyway knowing my luck..."

Gaius finally spotted the bag. "Where are you going?"

"Away," he said, not knowing whether to say anything or not. When it came to Gwen he knew not to trust Gaius anymore, else he might inform Uther of their plans. "Arthur and Gawain are going for a ride tomorrow and I'm going too."

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "You seem to be packing for every eventuality."

"Well, you never know what might happen."

There was a long pause as Gaius just stood and watched Merlin putting the last things in his bag and closing it. The young warlock looked up at him, "What is it?"

"You're going to find Gwen, aren't you?"

Merlin said nothing.

"I know you used a finding spell in here because the chalk marks can still be seen on the floor," Gaius told him. "You need to wipe it completely down with water, not just rub it off."

"Fine," the young man said, but refused to talk anymore.

"Merlin"

"_Merlin, Merlin_, _Merlin_" the boy groaned with annoyance. "Stop bleating my name like that, Gaius! Yes, I did try to find Gwen with a spell. I've been trying since she was exiled but I failed. I keep failing because Uther has locked away everything that belongs to her in the castle vaults..."

He was lying, but Gaius couldn't prove otherwise. Merlin hated lying to Gaius, but he was doing nothing that the old man hadn't done to him. He had lied about the sleeping draught.

Merlin sighed. "Arthur is feeling depressed about having to marry Elaine. Gawain knows this; they're just going riding for the day and I'm going with them. That's it."

Gaius folded his arms. "You're lying, Merlin."

Merlin placed his bag near the door of his room and looked Gaius dead in the eyes. He then looked away from Gaius and placed his hand on the door handle.

"So are you," he whispered. "I have some work to do."

It hurt how cold and distant Merlin was being to Gaius. They both hated, but to coax the truth out of him would lead to awkwardness. Merlin couldn't trust Gaius not to tell Uther anymore, and Gaius knew that Merlin wouldn't believe him when he said that he would not tell anyone.

He took Merlin's hint and turned around to exit the room. The door closed behind him but Gaius did not look back, as he was tempted to do. Instead he walked to his work bench and tried to distract himself by making Queen Anna and Princess Elaine's remedies for that night. Anna had requested that Elaine's be made stronger; _the girl must have grown in power since she was last in Camelot_. In many ways Gaius hoped the marriage between Arthur and Elaine would still be blocked, for Elaine's sake as much as Arthur's.

Gaius heard Merlin pacing around his room.

He placed the potion bottle down and sighed. He hoped Arthur and Merlin were going to find Gwen. He hoped that they'd bring her back, and he hoped that the girl would find it in her heart to forgive him for the role he had played in her exile... but God he feared what Uther would do if Gwen returned to Camelot, especially with Anna here.

Suddenly Gaius's mind changed course as he began to think about Merlin and Morgana again. All he could hear were the dragon's warnings in his head, warning him of the disaster that she would bring to Merlin. And he felt an ominous sensation wash over him.

-

Arthur, Merlin and Gawain rose early the next morning.

It was _painfully_ early. Merlin's head hurt as he dragged himself out of bed and dressed himself. It had hurt especially because he had worked late into the night and hadn't got much sleep. But it had been worth it; his project sat on his table, written, bound and ready to deliver. When he finally felt awake enough to drag himself from his room he went into the main living area. Typically Gaius was already awake and had prepared his breakfast for him.

"I also made you a sandwich," the old man said, handing a carefully wrapped bundle to him. "You might get hungry later."

Merlin looked at Gaius and smiled faintly. "Thank you."

"Can't have you going hungry," the old man told him, "Especially since you don't know how long it'll be, until you get back."

Merlin knew that Gaius had guessed where he was going, but for the first time in weeks he felt compelled to trust his friend not tell Uther they were going. The young warlock suspected that Gaius knew for a while where Gwen was but had been bound to secrecy; now that she was about to be discovered, it was a welcome release to the poor old man. He hated being caught between his duty to the king and his loyalty to Merlin.

"Be careful," Gaius told him.

"I will." Merlin did not object when Gaius then embraced him. He was glad.

Elsewhere in the castle Gawain had packed everything up and was trying to leave his chambers quietly so not to wake his mother or sister next door. He knew that the medicine that Gaius gave them both for their hallucinations would help them, not to mention the sleeping draughts they were now taking. As he pulled his sword on he wondered why, after so many years of the hallucinations and 'visions' appearing in day not night, should they started to have these strange dreams. He knew his little sisters suffered from it too, which upset him as they were just children. Anna and Elaine had learned to cope with their affliction.

Gawain swallowed; he wasn't sure if he wanted to have children, especially daughters. His mother told him that there was every chance this 'ability' would keep spreading through the female line, even through the men.

He closed the door quietly and hurried down the corridors to meet his appointment.

Gawain had told Arthur and Merlin to meet him by the front entrance. He had also told them that he would fetch the horses so as not to arouse too much suspicion from Uther. It would look better if it seemed that Gawain had planned this 'day out' rather than Arthur.

On his way down to the courtyard he was lucky enough to run into Merlin before they reached where they had arranged to meet Arthur. The servant was just coming away from where Morgana's chambers were. He was carrying both his things and Arthur's; Gawain took one of the bags to give him a hand. "Do you mind helping me with the horses?" he then added.

Merlin shook his head. "It's normally my job anyway."

Once they reached the shelter of the stables and began to saddle the horses, Gawain took the opportunity to ask Merlin about the dreams. The young prince had thought to ask Merlin about it before; he wasn't sure why he thought the boy would know. But it was worth a try.

Merlin's eyes widened. "Your sister has had them too?"

"So they are occurring in people with 'the gift'?" Gawain asked. The young warlock looked down, uncomfortable to talk about this with a crowned prince, even if Gawain wasn't accountable to Uther. Gawain rolled his eyes, "You can trust me, Merlin. I can't rat you out without betraying my sister, and I won't let any harm come to her. Besides, I wouldn't tell anyone about you anyway. My mother raised me not to share Uther's views on magic, though I keep that from my father and uncle."

It was said (though not out loud) that Anna had helped those who used magic flee Camelot in the old days and escape into the north where the Picts still practised the old religion. Even Lot didn't know about this (If it was true) and would no doubt reprimand his queen if he ever did find out (If it was true).

Merlin leaned forward. "At first it was just Morgana having the dreams... but then I started to get them too. Gaius says it's called 'the future scream', a collective echo that affects people with a gift. It is supposed to be an omen."

"For what, I wonder."

"The war," Merlin explained as they led the horses out. He recalled to Gawain everything that the dragon had told him (not mentioning that it had been the dragon that told him) and some of the details of the dream. "This is going to be the greatest war of all, and it is our duty to unite Arthur with Gwen before it starts... why I don't know."

Gawain nodded. "That's why Elaine was so determined to avoid marrying Arthur; she's been having this dream for a while now and my younger sisters too though not as badly. Mother said Elaine was always more powerful."

Merlin chuckled. "I thought Morgana and I were the only ones..."

"And you say it's supposed to be an omen of things to come?"

"Yes, although there are some things that Morgana and I keep seeing that don't make sense."

"Like what?"

"Well, there is this woman sitting by a window..."

"You mean my mother?"

Merlin stopped, "Sorry, what?"

Gawain stopped to, "Elaine said that she saw mother sitting by a window in her dreams."

"This was a much younger woman, about Elaine's age."

"Yes," the prince said, getting a little bit frustrated trying to explain something that he himself had not seen. "My sister said that she saw mother when she was younger sitting by a window and looking out of it. Then she saw the other young woman, dark and pretty. It sounded like Gwen she was describing."

Merlin pointed at him. "That's it! That's definitely her—that's what Morgana and I have been seeing. Why would we see your mother in a dream?"

Gawain shrugged. "I'm no expert in 'the gift', Merlin. My mother tried to see into Elaine's mind, because mother never saw herself in her dreams, just Gwen. But when she tried to see what Elaine saw, it blocked her."

"That's what happened to me," Merlin jumped in. "I tried to do the same with Morgana when she saw me in her dreams. Gaius said that no one can see their own destinies."

The prince nodded. "However mother did say in the dream she remembered being young, looking out the window of Camelot and seeing sorcerers being brought in for trial. This was just before she left for Eidin to marry my father. I promise you Merlin, the woman you keep seeing is my mother."

"I can't imagine the queen likes to admit to using magic when her brother-in-law outlawed it so violently," Merlin mused.

"Mother says that the gift in our family is not magic," Gawain corrected the young servant. "She says it is a sixth sense. None of the women in our family have ever been strong enough to use magic."

Merlin dared to ask the question he couldn't bring himself to ask Gaius. "Was your mother the only woman of her generation to... have this ability?"

Gawain tilted his head. "Are you asking what I think you're asking?"

The boy shrugged. "What do you think I'm asking?"

The prince turned around again and walked on, knowing that they would have to meet with Arthur soon. They wanted to get a head start.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said quietly. "I have no right to ask you such questions."

Gawain laughed. "Arthur said you were different from other servants, and I see now he was right. It's strange but I already feel I can trust you, Merlin. You seem like a chap that has the weight of the world on his shoulders."

Merlin sighed; his words echoed Morgana's words earlier. "Let's just say it's not easy being me."

"I bet it isn't," Gawain smiled. There was a long pause before he finally said; "And the answer is no. The gift has affected _all_ the women in the family one way or the other going back generations. My mother had it the worst, though."

Merlin didn't have time to think about a response. They reached the front entrance where they had arranged to meet.

Arthur was already waiting there; awake and eager to go in contrast to both Merlin and Gawain, who still seemed tired. He lacked any sympathy for them and he swiftly snatched the reigns of his horse and mounted.

"You two really aren't morning people, are you?" he commented, watching impatiently as the two younger men mounted their horses too. "We want to get a head start else my father will wonder why we've been gone so long."

Merlin swung his leg over the horse. "Are you sure the queen won't grow suspicious?"

Both Arthur and Gawain smiled. "I think we'll be alright, Merlin" Gawain assured him.

The young servant rolled his eyes. "You haven't even told me where we are going or how we're going to get there yet."

Arthur rolled his eyes too and rode on ahead. Gawain turned back to Merlin, still smiling. "Don't worry, Merlin. It'll all become clear soon."

Merlin leaned over to him. "I just don't understand why you and Arthur don't tell me. I maybe a servant but I'm not going to blabber it right here in the courtyard."

The two young men rode off to try and catch up with Arthur, who was already well ahead of them on the road. Once they had finally caught up they continued to ride a little while longer at a fast pace until the citadel was out of their sight, hidden behind the trees and long in the distance. Finally Arthur slowed down and Merlin and Gawain with him.

Gawain turned to Merlin again. "You shouldn't take our secrecy personally, Merlin. I fear I am my mother's son—I love to play games and see if the people around me can figure it out. It's in the Dubois blood, I'm afraid."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, "To be crafty?"

Arthur and Gawain both chuckled. "I like this one, Arthur" Gawain declared. "He doesn't feel the need to kiss feet, does he? Not like your last manservant."

"Gregory is better off with Percival," Merlin remarked. "Percival doesn't _abuse_ him all the time."

Gawain laughed at looked to Arthur as he responded.

"Are you saying I abuse you?" Arthur asked, knowing the answer already.

"I'm just saying that Gregory is better off with a master that takes the softer approach to his menservants," Merlin declared. He then turned to Gawain, "That's how I met him, while he was throwing knives at Gregory."

There came another bout of laughter from the younger prince. The servant liked how cheerful Gawain was and thought him nice company, not just for Arthur but for himself. He was a positive influence.

He leaned over to whisper in Merlin's ear. "The only reason he picked on servants was because he used to be small for his age."

Merlin's eyes widened. "Was Arthur ever small? I can't imagine him ever being little. I always imagine him bulky and brawny."

"He only really shot up when he was fourteen or there about," Gawain said. "And I can't laugh about that because I was the same. It helped Arthur a lot because he had to work hard to match up and overcome the other boys of his age. Once he got into that habit he never stopped..."

"So what has that got to do with picking on servants?"

"When Arthur was younger, like seven or eight, and Morgana first came to Camelot she used to tease him and bully him a lot. He couldn't answer back because else his father would punish him. He couldn't fight back either; not only because it is wrong to fight a girl but at ten years old she was twice his size anyway! The servants were the only people Arthur could take his frustration out on."

"Oi" Arthur called back to them, "Stop gossiping like two old ladies, _especially_ if you're talking about me!"

They two younger men laughed again.

"We were talking _about_ you," Gawain said teasingly. "Not _at_ you!"

-

It was still early in the morning when the castle of Tintagel was woken up by the arrival of Dáithí, the messenger.

He had had a rough journey befitting any Orcadian messenger renowned for being swift, never stopping once between Camelot and the water passage between Tintagel and the mainland. With his special declaration from his master Prince Gawain he was able to bypass both the Camelonian and Cornish guards. He and his equally tired horse had travelled miles of road, miles of non-road and been on two ferries, and they were practically dead when they reached the door of Tintagel Castle.

Dáithí slammed desperately on the large wooden door to alert whoever was inside that he was there. He continued to slam for another ten minutes until one of the grooms within the castle walls finally felt bothered enough to drag himself from his last half an hour in bed to let whoever it was in.

He picked up a torch and grumbled as he walked to the door. "_Danu_, take me! Alright, alright I'm coming I'm coming so stop banging you little sod."

Instead of opening the door he opened the small viewing door and looked out into the darkness to see who the banger was. Dáithí looked up tiredly. "Let me in, I have an important message!" he told the groom.

"Do you know what time it is, son?"

"It's the sixth hour," Dáithí replied.

"No it's the fifth and a half _bloody_ hour," the old groom grunted back. "The Duke of Cornwall is in bed, which is where I was a few moments ago. What's the message?"

Dáithí produced the letter. "I'm sorry, sir. I was given clear instructions not to stop until I have personally delivered this letter to the Duke of Cornwall, although it is addressed to his charge."

The groom's ears sparked up, "His charge? You know she's not supposed to receive letters from anyone outside of Tintagel. Who is the message from? Who is your master?"

Dáithí was tired and desperate to sit down in the warm. "I don't know who the message is from specifically only that I should not stop until it is delivered. My master is Prince Gawain of Orkney and Gododdin," he then reached for his belt and handed the groom his dispensation of free passage, "I have been granted free movement over the Tamar border by my master and yours."

The groom looked at the piece of paper before sighing, closing the small door and stepping down to unbolt the actual door. Dáithí heard the groom unbolt all the locks and finally open it with a grunt and loud whine. He was so glad to be let in.

"The famed hospitality of the Duke is true then," he muttered as he stepped in.

The groom shot him a fierce look. "I know you've had a rough twenty four hour, boy. But don't insult my master until his roof. Got it? This is Cador's duchy now, not poxy Camelot or Eidin, alright?"

Dáithí was taken aback. "Alright, yes I'm sorry."

The groom stepped back. "Good. Come on, your banging has woken up half the castle so I wouldn't be surprised if Jermyn is already there to meet you when we get in."

He led Dáithí across the courtyard while several other grooms saw to his tired horse. Once inside he was left to wait in the hall while the groom wandered off to find somebody. While he was gone that was when Ysgyrdav came down the stairs to see what the commotion was about. She stopped half way down, keeping her distance from this strange youth.

"Who on earth are you?" she said in her typical 'old mother' way. "You damn near woke both my mistress _and_ the master. Not to mention my children; they have a hard day's work ahead of them and they don't need you pushy messengers dragging them from what little sleep they get."

Dáithí didn't know what to say. "I-I'm sorry madam. I was just following orders..."

"Damn messengers," she continued to grumble until she reached the bottom of the stairs. "I have eleven children, you know!"

"N-no, I didn't know," the boy replied with embarrassment, "Um, congratulations?"

"Eight of them still work in this castle," she told him. "All of them risk losing sleep because of you, and don't get me started about my poor mistress. That girl has enough troubles without you ruining her sleep. It's taken me the best part of two weeks to convince her she doesn't have to get up at _dawn break_ for heaven's sake!"

"I-I'm sorry, ma'am..."

"You messengers have been swamping this place, and the news readers? _Oh_—don't get me started on them," she rattled on. She shook her head, "Oh that poor girl—when news arrived from one of Queen Anna's spies that she and her daughter had arrived in Camelot and the marriage between that girl and Uther's son was imminently expected, good God! The poor thing couldn't be comforted. Didn't come out of her room all day."

The old woman was clearly tired too. At that moment the groom came back with Jermyn who _had_ managed to sleep through the banging. The groom returned to his home for an early breakfast while Cador's manservant turned to Dáithí. "I understand you have a message... from Prince Gawain?"

"I was ordered to bring it straight here" Dáithí explained again, so very tired after all his travelling. "It is for the Duke's charge."

"I'm sure it is," Jermyn said, uninterested. "I will take this message to the Duke. You understand that the Mistress Guinevere is in exile here so all her letters must be read before they are passed on to her."

Dáithí didn't care anymore; it had nothing to do with him, "Of course, sir."

Jermyn looked to some passing servants also knocked out of their sleep by the banging. "See to it that this man is fed and is given a bed to rest."

The servants obeyed and both Jermyn and Ysgyrdav turned around to ascend the stairs towards Cador's chambers. They were not looking forward to waking him up.

"Why would Prince Gawain be sending a message to Guinevere?" Ysgyrdav asked once they reached the top. "I mean we've had messengers from Eidin troll in and out of here for months now but—"

"I doubt it is actually from Gawain," Jermyn told the older woman. "I imagine it is from his cousin; the prince, his mother and sister are all in Camelot at the moment after all."

"Prince Arthur," Ysgyrdav gasped. "So he knows where Guinevere is?"

"Quite possible," he said quickly as he knocked at Cador's door and walked in upon hearing a muffled 'Enter' from within. He walked in to find Cador lighting a candle; the banging had obviously awoken him. "It was a messenger from Prince Gawain, your grace."

Cador smiled slightly and nodded. "I thought it might be."

He held out his hand for the letter and Jermyn handed it to him. The duke glanced at Ysgyrdav who stood at the door still, waiting to see if the letter might be passed on to her mistress. Cador looked over the paper and turned it over to see the seal. He smiled.

"Clever. Sending an Orcadian messenger here with a letter ensured that he would not be searched at the border by Uther's guards," he looked to Jermyn. "I assume he used the special dispensation I signed for Gawain, the one that Anna asked for?"

"Yes, your grace."

Cador turned the letter over and showed Jermyn the seal.

"It is the Pendragon, alright" he declared. "And the stationary is obviously Camelonian. They use a different formula to those used in Eidin; the paper isn't as bumpy."

He motioned Ysgyrdav in and handed the letter to her.

"Take this to Gwen and let her read it immediately," he told her.

Ysgyrdav and Jermyn looked at each other. "Are you sure that is wise, Cador?" Jermyn asked, slipping into informality.

"Yes, I'm quite sure," he told the pair pleasantly. Cador then slipped back into bed, "Now I'd like to get a few more hours of sleep before breakfast. I would like breakfast early, though. Let cook know, would you Jermyn? Oh, and have Gwen come too. I shall need to speak with her after this."

"Y-yes, your grace" Jermyn said, confused.

The two then left the room and went their separate ways as Ysgyrdav went back to Gwen's chamber where she was still sleeping. The old woman didn't want to wake the girl who thankfully had drifted off back to sleep once the banging had stopped. But she had to follow Cador's orders. She lit the candle beside the bed and gently shook Gwen's arm until she groaned and opened her eyes.

"Ysgyrdav," Gwen said in confusion. "What time is it?"

"It is still early," the old woman admitted.

She helped Gwen sit up by tucking a pillow behind her back. Gwen had got used to being cared for by Ysgyrdav. She viewed it more as the care of an over attentive mother than a servant waiting on a mistress.

"What was that banging?" Gwen then asked, not realising how short a time ago it was since it had briefly awoken her. "It must have been urgent."

"It wasn't that important," the old woman said, and looked down at the letter in her hand. "It was a messenger."

"At this hour? Cador can't have been pleased," Gwen remarked, rubbing her eyes.

Ysgyrdav sighed and held the letter in front of Gwen's face. She looked at it, yawned and took hold of it. "It was a letter... for you."

"It's still sealed," she noted. "Did you take it Cador before you gave it to me because—?"

"Yes, he told me to give it straight to you."

Gwen took the letter and Ysgyrdav immediately made off to one side, trying to find work to occupy her. As she did she muttered, "And the duke requests your presence at breakfast today. It'll be an early one, about eight."

"I'm an early bird," Gwen told her, before looking properly at the letter. "I think I'll make it on time. Now I'm awake again I doubt I'll get back to—"

Her voice trailed off as she turned the letter over and saw the seal. She then quickly looked up, not knowing what to think before looking down again. The seal—Cador had to have seen _the seal_. It was the Pendragon; more specifically it was Arthur's individual seal. She would recognise it anywhere. She had twisted that ring on his finger plenty of times.

Gwen glanced coyly at Ysgyrdav who in turn looked back to her mistress curiously. She turned away in her bed and peeled apart the seal to open the letter. She wanted to tear it open but for some reason she felt weary of the old woman watching her. Arthur had written her a letter and knew where she was. It sent a shiver down her spine. She couldn't read the words fast enough.

At first she was surprised at how short it was; in the past Arthur had been in his element writing his feelings for her in letters. A part of Gwen worried that this was a farewell letter. When news came from one of Cador's informants (as he called them) that talks were supposedly already beginning for Arthur's marriage to Elaine and was thought to be taking place within the next few months, Gwen had felt like someone had ripped out her heart and made her swallow it.

She read it slowly, prepared for pity and apologises:

_Guinevere – I am sorry that this is so brief but it is important that I get this message to you now. I want you to know that I still love you. I think about you constantly. I never stopped thinking about you and wondering whether you are safe. If I were to tell you how much it has hurt to be without you and how much I love you, this letter would be pages long and the messenger will never get this to you in time. There are arrangements in place. At the moment you are reading this I am making my way to Tor, the neutral ground close to Camelot and Cornwall. Meet me there by the end of the week—_(That's tomorrow, Gwen panicked)_—and I'll explain everything. – Arthur_

Gwen put the letter down. She held her breath unintentionally for ages before she let it go and took several quick breaths in succession. _He still loved her!_

That was a relief; it made Gwen want to scream with happiness after all the worrying but... another part of her felt angry. He made it sound as if she could just take a brisk walk down the road and reach Tor without a hitch. She could easily get there by tomorrow if she had right of movement _but she didn't_. Regardless of Cador's kindness towards her, treating her more like a daughter than a prisoner, he was still her gaoler.

She was an exile.

Her head slammed against the pillows and she clutched the letter to her. She wondered how on earth she was going to get away from Tintagel without a valid reason. _There was no reason she could give to Cador_. She felt she could definitely convince him to let her go to the mainland, but there would be grooms and Cornish guards with her constantly. Even if she managed to escape them, what then? She wondered if she could persuade the guards to let her go—but that was silly. Besides she hated the idea of offending Cador. There was a good chance he would never forgive her if she tried to 'escape' after how kind he had been to her. But then again, surely he knew something was up? Cador would probably be suspicious if Gwen suddenly felt an impulse to leave the island no matter how she tried to dress it up.

Fach jumped up onto the bed; Ysgyrdav shooed her off, but Gwen told her to leave the dog as she didn't mind her little pet's company. The dog settled herself at the bottom of the bed.

Never once did Gwen think of giving up trying to find a way of getting away from Tintagel to Tor. She wouldn't let herself give up. She didn't know how but she was going to meet Arthur tomorrow. She didn't know whether it would be the last chance, or whether their might be a glimmer of hope... she didn't want to get her hopes up but she couldn't help it.

Gwen pondered for another hour before Ysgyrdav laid out some clothes for her. After she dressed she slowly made her way downstairs to meet Cador. She kept her letter tucked in the pocket of her dress. Her eyes were open for any excuse to get off the island. As she walked into the dining room and saw Cador already sitting at the table, she felt bad. She didn't want to deceive him... but.

"Good morning," the duke said with a smile. "Did you sleep well?"

She just nodded and sat down.

"I thought the banging would have woken you."

"Not really," Gwen said softly, eyeing the bread and cheese and various other things. She had no appetite. She was too consumed by her own thoughts. "That is I heard it but it didn't bother me much."

"Did you get the letter?"

"Letter..."

"The one that came for you," he said, playing it as if it didn't matter. "I told Ysgyrdav to give it to you."

"Oh," she said blushing. "Yes."

Cador nodded and continued to eat. His manner was confusing Gwen and she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was as if he knew where the letter had come from but was trying to play it ignorant. Maybe he thought this was supposed to restore some hope to her? Either way it hurt her more than it amused her. He hadn't seen the letter.

Gwen knew she had to take her chance now, and hope that if she was caught out Cador would forgive her.

"Your grace, I—"

"Was there anything interesting in the letter?" he suddenly asked.

"It was... just a letter. Only one I could appreciate."

Cador took a swig of wine. "I'm sure it was."

The silence continued another moment before Gwen thought to speak but Cador interrupted again.

"You are probably wondering why I asked to see you so early in the morning," he said, putting his cup down.

"I wasn't wondering about it at all," Gwen replied honestly, "Although it is a little unusual for you to be up and about so early in the morning."

He folded his arms and leaned closer to her. "How do you fancy a trip?"

She stared at him. "I'm sorry?"

Gwen wasn't sure if she had heard correctly. On the one hand she was being offered a chance to escape without even having to open her mouth but on the other it all relied on where Cador was planning on going. If he actually ended up going; Cador hadn't left Tintagel in years.

"A trip to the mainland," Cador went on. He was amused by Gwen's perplexed face and leaned back in his chair as he began his story. "Since you have been here I have realised... how closed off I have been from the rest of the world. It is time that I... got out more and saw Cornwall for myself again."

Her heart sank. How could she run off after he said _that_?

"So you wish to visit parts of Cornwall?" she said, trying not to sound crestfallen.

"In time yes" Cador said with honesty. "But... first I have something that I really need to do. Do you remember the legend of Eluned that I told you?"

Gwen nodded.

"Well" he went on, a smile creeping up across his face, "if you remember she was responsible for building several chapels, including to one here on Tintagel. I go there on her feast day every August. However, before I 'reintroduce' myself into society again I would very much like to visit the largest chapel she helped to build in the mainland."

Gwen made her sad smile that Cador knew so well. "You wish us to go on a pilgrimage to the chapel?"

"If you don't mind," he said earnestly. "I was hoping we could leave this morning. I have a particular favourite subject that I haven't visited the house of for the last thirteen years that we and our party can pay visit to on the way. He lives right on the border. We could get to the chapel tomorrow morning."

"Of course, but..."

"But...?"

Gwen was about to try and make an excuse. She briefly wondered whether she could escape while Cador wasn't at Tintagel. But she knew that if she said she didn't want to go he would probably decide not to go either. She sighed and shook her head. "Nothing... what is the name of this chapel?"

He took a moment to answer, filling his slowness with another drink.

"It is the one built in honour of Saint Michael..." he began to explain but trailed off as Jermyn walked into the room. The servant nodded his head in respect to both of them. Cador jumped out of his seat excitedly to address his servant. "Old friend, I was just telling Gwen about my plans and I want you to hear it too. We going on a pilgrimage to Saint Michael's chapel at Tor."

Gwen's head shot up to look at him.

Jermyn simply stared at him. "Y-you wish to travel to Tor? I mean, you wish to _leave_ Tintagel for a pilgrimage to Saint Michael's... _at Tor_?!"

"What is that so strange?" Cador asked.

"The fact you haven't left this island in the last twelve or springs to mind," the servant replied.

Cador just laughed; Gwen and Jermyn looked at him as if he had gone mad.

"I'm serious!" Jermyn shouted over Cador's joy. "You felt shaken after just going down to the beach the other day... how the hell do you expect to fair going all the way to Dumnonia, _and all for a pilgrimage_?!"

"Not just for a pilgrimage," the duke replied, pointing his finger in the air as he walked back to his seat. He was like an investigator making a valuable point. "I happen to have a very important meeting there."

Jermyn stared at him, "At Tor?"

"That's where I shall be meeting them," Cador explained. He looked to an equally perplexed Guinevere, who by this point was just staring at him with her dark eyes wider than he'd ever seen them. "I expect we shall come back here for hold the actual meeting since we aren't that far away from the sacred land... so make sure that the castle is dusted down, would you?"

"Y-yes, my lord but," Jermyn said again, "how do you expect to get to Tor in one piece when you haven't been outside since... well, a long time."

"I'm not a glass vase," Cador snapped back. "I'm not going to break the moment I get on a horse or a boat or try to stagger through the apple orchids and up the hills of Tor. Besides Guinevere will be with me and so will you..."

Jermyn's eyes went wider, if that were possible. "Me? I-I mean, I'm coming too? But how am I going to organise the castle if I'm with you?"

"You're asking a lot of questions today, Jermyn" the duke chuckled, glancing towards Gwen who now seemed off in her own world. He looked back at his servant, "I meant you can give Ysgyrdav to marshal the young servants, get them all working together to get this place looking neat—a quarter of them are her children anyway!"

Jermyn sighed and looked to Gwen, and she smiled at him with equal beguilement. The servant nodded, "Yes, your grace."

"Good," Cador replied. "Just get them to get all the rooms in shape and fancy them up a bit. I know, put some flowers in them or something. If there is any clutter just put it in the store room."

Gwen couldn't help laughing at that. The store room of Tintagel was a gloriously giant hall that rather than being used for meetings and debates with all the barons of Cornwall was filled with old tat that the duke couldn't be bothered to get rid of. There were chock loads of gold, silver and tin that easily could be melted down into things more useful; chests of papers and books, stocks of paintings and a giant round table that seemed to take up half the room. All of it forgotten and _bloody useless_!

"Yes, your grace" Jermyn said.

"Perfect," Cador said. "Now go and tell the grooms and the ferry man that we are planning to leave this afternoon."

"You're going now?!"

"Yes, now off with you."

Cador said it in a comical and humorous way that wasn't meant to be taken badly. Jermyn shook his head and left the duke alone with his charge. Gwen still remained silent even as Cador jumped out of his seat again and threw on his fur coat that had been resting over his chair.

"You'd better tell Ysgyrdav to help you get ready," Cador told her. "You'll catch your death if you travel in that blue day dress. She better help you gather some of your things together too—"

"How did you know?" Gwen asked suddenly, interrupting him.

"Know what?"

"You know what," she said, looking up at him. Cador couldn't help thinking how pretty she looked when she was confused. "How did you know about...? You must have known somehow!"

Gwen pulled the letter out of her pocket.

"This letter wasn't opened," she said softly, caressing the seal she herself had broken. "So how did you know?"

Cador sighed, and straightened out his coat. "It's a long story, Gwen."

She sat still, making no attempt to move.

He sighed. "A long story that is best told later, not now. If we don't leave in the next hour or so we'll lose the tide."

Gwen sighed. She slid to her feet and walked to the door, but stopped and turned back to look at him. "You will tell me though, won't you? I feel as though I'm the only one that doesn't know what's going on."

"Good, so the letter didn't rattle on to much?" Cador joked, but Gwen was not laughing. He cleared his throat and nodded, "Gwen, I have all day and all night and all of tomorrow morning to tell you..."

He then stopped thoughtfully.

"But... I don't think it needs explaining. I genuinely want to go on this pilgrimage. If you really want to know then I promise at some point I will tell you. Yet I don't think you care that much, do you?"

And the truth was, she didn't. She was going to Tor, and that was all she cared about. She didn't care about Cador's motives or even how he knew. At least not yet—one day she might care enough to raise the subject again.

"Not really," she admitted.

"In that case, _please go and get ready now!_"

Gwen shot off through the door and up the stairs like a child that had been given orders by her father. In some ways Cador did remind her of her father; it didn't hurt as she would have thought it might to meet someone so like him – a man cheerful even when he was sad and _always_ making bad jokes as well as a few good ones. It felt pleasant. She didn't realise how much she had missed having a father-figure.

She would ask him about this trip to Tor, one day.

Gwen would make sure that he told her soon just to satisfy her curiosity. It wasn't much now but it was bound to rise up and bite her again once events fell into place. But right now she honestly didn't mind not knowing. She didn't think it mattered. The truth was she didn't care about how Cador knew about Tor, or whether it was for the most part a coincidence.

All she cared about at that moment was that she would see Arthur again. That meant everything.

-

"Good morning, my lady."

Morgana opened her eyes to see Cecilia drawing back the curtains. She had been lying there in a semi-conscious state since early that morning when Cecilia first came into work. The girl had carefully tiptoed around in the next room and quietly answered the door when someone came. Morgana felt a surge of power run through her that made her think it might be Merlin, but it was early in the morning and she had just had the dream again so it could have been that. She no longer awoke in a cold sweat or early in the morning because it was just the same dream, over and over again. She had become desensitised to it.

"My lady?" the girl said, coming towards the bed. "Are you awake?"

"Of course I'm awake," Morgana snapped.

Cecilia stepped back, "I apologise, my lady."

The girl then darted to one side as Morgana sat up on bed and rubbed her eyes. Cecilia then returned with a package wrapped in a red cloth. The lady stared at it, purposely being awkward. "What's this?" she asked the maid.

"I don't know," Cecilia said, placing it down on the bed. "Merlin brought it around this morning, but he didn't tell me what it was. There is a letter as well."

Cecilia then turned away to carry out work in the next room, as far away from Morgana as possible. The shy and quiet chambermaid was starting to wish that Maud had got the promotion instead of her when Gwen left. If only Maud wasn't such a gossip, and if only Emma didn't steal things, and if only Claudia hadn't gone for a roll in the hay with John and ended up with a bun in the oven...

_Why did it have to be _me_ doing this _awful_ job?_ Cecilia lamented.

Back in the bedroom Morgana opened the letter first. She recognised Merlin's handwriting straight away from the numerous notes he had made for her during their lessons. As she opened the letter she quietly read it to herself, keeping one hand firmly on the package wrapped in red cloth:

_Morgana,_

_When you read this I will have gone off to find Gwen with Arthur and Gawain. I felt I should write you this note to apologise for yesterday. I think it was wrong to go back on our agreement to remain friends and nothing more. I hope you agree and still consider me a friend. I would certainly like to keep teaching you in any case, which is what the present I made you is all about. Open it when you have finished this letter __and hide it somewhere that neither Cecilia nor anyone else will find it__. It took me a while to put it together and I hope you get some use out of it._

_The reason I wrote you this note is to finally explain what the dreams have been about. I've managed to gather information from a few sources and I have finally found out what is going on. The dream is, as we thought, foretelling of the conflict in Rheged. It's not going to be any old war; it will be a Great War stretching over Albion. This war will shape the future of everything we now know, which is probably why we have both been having these dreams. Apparently anyone with a sensitivity or magical talent might be having them; that is the nature of the _'r ddyfodol gwawchia_. It isn't just humans either but all creatures of the Old Religion, too. But the dream will stop soon, I promise. I don't know exactly when but it will end very soon._

_I don't know what we'll do when we find Gwen but, whatever we do, I'm sure we'll all be seeing you soon. _

_In the mean time be nice to Cecilia. I know you were upset when Gwen was exiled but it was not Cecilia's fault and even if we return to Camelot with Gwen it is unlikely she will be your servant ever again. So be nice to Cecilia because she is a really nice girl._

_Merlin_

Morgana put the note down immediately and untied the knot keeping it sealed. Inside was a book that looked like one of Gaius's old medical books. She shook her head a little and opened it up. It was then that she realised that the old content of the book had been cut out and a new book inserted.

She flicked through the pages and was amazed to see what she did; they were all spells, written out neatly with Merlin's own hand. There were none of the truly dangerous or powerful spells in there but the spells such as how to create fire, how to open doors, how to close and lock doors, how to transform and reveal inanimate objects and various other little handy spells were all written there. And each was accompanied with 'cheat notes' to make it easier for her to avoid setting her hair alight.

Morgana's heart genuinely fluttered inside her cheat; it was the excitement of having her own book of charms and the thought of how much effort and time Merlin put in to making it for her. She hugged it to her like a little child. She had completely forgotten about the dream though, as she read the letter, she had remained hopeful when he said he thought it would stop soon.

She then remembered the note; she had to hide this book somewhere.

Glancing over to where Cecilia was in the next room, Morgana carefully pulled herself out of bed and looked around, wondering where the best place to hide it was. She knew Merlin hid it under the floorboards but Morgana didn't have loose ones in her room. The best place she could think of was the canopy above her bed. That would do until she found somewhere better and it was a place no one would find to look. Not that they would, she was the king's ward.

She stood on her bed and carefully slipped the book onto the wooden top before jumping down, landing with a slightly thud. Cecilia came rushing back into the room to see what it was.

"Are you alright, my lady?" she asked timidly.

"I'm fine," she declared quickly, avoiding the temptation to glance up at her hidden treasure by walking away from the bed. "Fetch me my clothes. I wish to visit the Princess Elaine today."

Cecilia rushed off to fetch Morgana something to wear as the lady drifted over to the window to look out over the courtyard. She thought of Merlin riding faithfully alongside Arthur and Gawain on the quest to find Gwen. It made her heart tighten again. Merlin could be very selfless at times and he didn't realise just how selfless he was. He just saw it as the call of duty. It made her smile like a child that had got the doll she wanted.

She didn't know why she felt so ridiculously happy. It was just a book... but it was a book that _he_ made. _For her_. It was written in his hand and had notes next to the parts she found hard to pronounce or found difficult to understand. It meant she could practise whenever she wanted just like he could, and then she could show him her progress. It was a book that he had written and bound together, something that must have taken him so long to do...

If Gaius found out Merlin had cut apart one of his medical books, he would kill him!

Morgana felt giddy. I never feel this silly and girlish, she thought to herself with a beaming smiling._ What's wrong with me?!_

Cecilia returned with a green dress. "Will this one be alright?"

She turned around and, to Cecilia's astonishment Morgana smiled as she took it from the young girl's hands. "Yes, thank you."

-

It was noon by the time Arthur, Merlin and Gawain came within eyesight of the border between Camelot and Tor. It had been even faster than they had expected. They were all sweating and gaping for water in exhaustion, although Arthur lacked much interest cooling down and catching his breath as he was itching to get over the border. But he didn't push the issue as they had made brilliant time and Merlin, Gawain and the horses were exhausted.

"I think Gringalet could do with a few moments rest," Gawain commented as he patted the horse's neck. "We're making brilliant timing. It's not like your father's guards are going to catch up to us and drag us back."

Arthur finally took the drinking bottle and took a long gulp before saying, "Don't damn us, Gawain."

Merlin looked at the horizon. "So... we're going to Ynys Tor, not to all the way to the Tamar?"

"Cador and Gwen should be there by tomorrow," Gawain explained. "Besides if Uther twigs before tonight he'll assume that Arthur has ridden to the

They both noted that Arthur was clearly very agitated still.

Gawain leaned over and whispered, "No wonder his horse is jumpy with him onboard."

"He has a mind of his own," Merlin said aloud. "The horse I mean, not as docile as Gringalet. Arthur's horse bites my ears and my hair."

Gawain patted his horse again. "Gringalet does me proud; I've never lost a joust nor missed a jump while riding him. It's only when I let other people ride him that I fall off. In some ways he is my most faithful companion, along with Coch and my brothers."

Merlin shook his head. "And Coch is...?"

"My dog"

The two men laughed. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"He's a lot like Cabal, actually" Gawain went on to say.

Merlin stared at him. "Who's Cabal?"

"The erstwhile Hoel," Arthur explained, before nudging his horse on. "Come on, we've rested long enough."

The two men followed on. Thankfully Arthur remained at a slow pace, though he was resisting the urge to speed up.

"You didn't tell me you changed his name," Merlin called back to Arthur.

"Didn't I?" he replied, uninterested. "It must have slipped my mind."

"So you let me called 'Cabal' by the wrong name and him ignore me all that time... and you didn't say anything?" Merlin sulked.

Arthur laughed for the first time since they left Camelot. "I'm sorry—I just thought you'd pick it up. He certainly did."

"Why did you change his name anyway?"

"I was worried my father would find it disrespectful."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because 'Hoel' was the name of the late-late Duke of Cornwall," Arthur replied. "He was also Morgana's grandfather, though she never knew him. But my father did and thought the world of him. Besides, Cabal suits him better."

Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Do you think he misses her?" he suddenly said.

"Who misses who?" Gawain asked.

Merlin looked to him and smiled. "Oh no, I was just thinking—I don't know if you know this but Reibia is H—I mean _Cabal_'s mother. She had two puppies and the other one, Fach, is Gwen's dog. I was just wondering if Cabal missed her."

Arthur scoffed. "It's a dog, Merlin. He probably doesn't even remember her that much."

"She's still his sister," Merlin said defensively. "And I always get the feeling that Reibia still knows that Cabal and Fach are her puppies..."

"Are we actually having this conversation?" Arthur said, unable to fight back the urge to laugh. "We are within ten yards of the border to Tor and _you're_ bleating about whether the bloody _dogs_ have missed each other!"

Gawain laughed too.

"You see the kind of rubbish he comes out with when he's bored?" Arthur said to his cousin.

"Oi!" Merlin protested.

"It's better than sitting there quietly," Gawain remarked.

"To each their own" Arthur said dismissively, although in truth he agreed. He didn't mind Merlin rattling on really as it did keep them entertained, which was the point Gawain was trying to make in his subtle way.

They walked further on and finally the border was straight in front of them. Arthur pointed ahead, "There it is!"

Arthur and Merlin rode on faster but Gawain started to slow down. It wasn't until the two men reached the border that they realised the younger prince was lagging behind. They turned and called back to him.

"Come on," the cousin said, "Once we're over the border then my father can't forcibly return us back to Camelot."

Gawain smiled. "I was just thinking that... maybe I should head back to Camelot and try and hold them up. This is your lover, after all and Merlin's friend... I just don't..."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Gawain, come on! You've come this far with us so you can come all the way with us."

The younger man still smiled. "I don't want to be in the way..."

"Never—if I can't put up with Merlin then you could never get in the way."

Merlin rolled his eyes and muttered, "This is just 'Bash Merlin Day' isn't it?"

They two men laughed.

"Besides," Arthur went on with a smile, "don't you remember the promise we made?"

Gawain tilted his head. "That I would help you whenever you needed it? I like to think I've already helped—"

"No," Arthur corrected him. "I meant the promise you asked me to make _you_. Don't you remember that May Day on the night of the masked ball? I promised that _I would invite you_ and I intend to keep that promise."

Gawain realised what his cousin was going on about now and laughed. Merlin as usual didn't have a clue about what they were talking about. Once more he couldn't be bothered to ask as they would only laugh and tell him to wait and see as they had done before. Maybe Gawain was right, maybe it was their Dubois blood. He thought he was getting close to understanding why they were going to Tor though...

Whatever this promise may have been Gawain resolved to go with them all the way and finally rode over the border to join Arthur and Merlin. Once face to face with him he immediately pointed ahead, knowing the best path to make having travelled through Tor recently.

"We should keep riding straight ahead," he told them. "This will take us to the apple orchids, beyond which is Saint Michael's chapel. The pilgrims of the New Religion should have cleared off by now so we'll be able to camp there for tonight."

"Why are we meeting them there?" Merlin asked.

"It's the heart of Tor," Gawain told him.

"That doesn't explain it," the servant went on.

Arthur was becoming agitated again. "Shut up your yapping, Merlin. _You're_ starting to sound like a damned dog. We best ride on so we reach Tor before dark."

-

Elsewhere Cador, Gwen and the small party arrived at the home of the friend Cador had mentioned. They had swiftly packed, caught the tide across the narrow Tintagel Sea and rode all day towards the castle known as Dorr. The friend in question, who was called Odell, had gone abroad to the continent to visit relatives, leaving the castle free to his old friend and his entourage to use.

"He does know we were coming, doesn't he?" Gwen asked nervously.

Cador laughed, "Of course he does! I planned this journey well in advance. I told you that Anna and I planned everything, even the overnight stop.

Admittedly Gwen was still getting hear head around the fact that she would be reunited with Arthur tomorrow. She kept playing different scenarios in her heart. Would it be a passionate meeting or a tearful farewell? She was still no wiser about Anna's role in the whole thing, and after Cador had promised to tell her later she hadn't bothered to ask. She did ask about Anna, though. The reason was that she was worried:

"If she finds out that Arthur came to see me, won't she be angry?"

"You shouldn't be afraid of Anna," Cador assured her with a wink. "She's actually the one that made it possible for your reunion."

"How?"

"She doesn't just want an alliance with Uther; she wants one with me also."

The truth was Gwen was uninterested in how and why Anna was helping them. She gathered it was for an alliance with Cador but... all Gwen cared about was the fact that it allowed her to see Arthur. It was all she could think about. It was all she had wanted. Despite her comfortable and peaceful existence on Tintagel she just couldn't put to sleep her deep longing for him.

"What about Elaine?" Gwen asked.

Cador just smiled and said. "Anna is a woman of mystery. Let no man be foolish enough to try and guess what goes on in her head, or any woman's head for that matter."

Gwen was beginning to suspect that Cador's lost love that Ysgyrdav had told her about (and Cador himself had mentioned) was indeed Anna. It would certainly explain his underlying resentment towards King Lot if Anna had left to marry him. The way Cador spoke of Anna with such affection and admiration that it did make her wonder.

The castle itself was on a small hillside fort. It wasn't much to look at and was more like a tower than an actual citadel like Camelot or Tintagel. They entered the virtually deserted hall of the castle. The few remaining servants greeted them, taking their coats and leading them to the dining room where food had been prepared. Gwen wasn't very hungry but Cador was famished. Yet even when he was hungry he still maintained his habit of picking at his food like a bird.

Gwen looked around the room.

Dorr had a rich history according to Cador and, of course, he shared it with Gwen on their journey. He told her of how the royal house of Gwynedd had fled there after the great king Cunedda's death; how Vortigern had sentenced Cunedda's four grandchildren – Igraine, Tristan, Anna and Mark – to death; how Cador's family had helped them (and their supporters) escape Gwynedd, and how the castle (or rather tower) had only been rebuilt in the last ten years. It had burnt down twenty five years ago after a great battle between the residence and the tyrant Vortigern.

"I was there at the time," Cador explained, picking up the story from where he had left off from the trip. "My father was still the Duke of Cornwall then. He, along with our allies among those in Dumnonia – including Uther's family as the Pendragons had not yet been restored to Camelot – and my brother and I, allowed Mark and his wife to take residence at Dorr while Igraine, Tristan and Anna remained with them. When Vortigern found out where they were he immediately set out for Cornwall in order to slaughter us all."

He clutched a wine goblet.

"Vortigern had gone there with only one purpose, to kill us." His voice was filled with melancholy. "The Cornish army and Uther's host at the time managed fight him back but in the confusion the castle was set alight. Most of us escaped unharmed; Tristan was badly burned. Anna collapsed from the smoke but survived. I managed to escape with just a few scolds, nothing serious. But I too collapsed from the smoke. I only heard what happened next from what Gaius told me..."

Gwen listened intently. "What happened to Mark?"

"He was trapped inside," Cador said solemnly. "He had tried to get everyone out. It had been him that helped me escape. He was a great man, a fearless warrior and rightful king of Gwynedd. He was _ready_ to be king."

"He died in the fire?"

"Yes," Cador whispered, "And Esyllt too."

"Did he go back to look for her?"

Cador shook his head sadly. "Tristan and Esyllt were trying to carry Anna to safety – she was twelve at the time – but they knew Mark was still trapped inside. Tristan refused to look for him while Anna was in danger; he would never let any harm come to his sisters. They carried Anna from the fire where she was tended to by Gaius and Igraine. Uther asked Tristan where Mark was, and he said that he couldn't save him..."

He took a deep breath.

"While everyone was distracted with their wounds and the disaster Esyllt ran back inside to find him. She was gone before anyone could stop her. It was the last we saw of her."

The atmosphere was very tense.

Gwen was engrossed in the story. "I'm sorry."

Cador nodded. "The fire burned for two days. When we searched the wreckage there was nothing left. They had been burned to a cinder."

"I wonder if they found each other," Gwen said thoughtfully. "I doubt it..."

"I like to think they did," Cador said thoughtfully. "I hate the thought of them dying alone in that blaze. Tristan was never the same afterwards; he donned black armour of mourning and rode about the land, half-mad and challenging anyone he deemed strong enough to the death. That was how he died."

"He challenged someone stronger than him?"

"The man was lucky. Tristan was further maddened by more grief," Cador said cryptically, not wanting to delve into Uther's murky past. There were aspects of Uther's life that neither he nor Anna knew about. "Even now I remember Anna begging him not to fight because – I don't know how – but she knew that Tristan would die."

"Who was the man that killed him?"

Cador looked at Gwen but said nothing. Instead he looked around the room they sat in.

"It looks nothing like it used to," he said thoughtfully. He then smiled and turned back to Gwen. "But this is where Mark and Esyllt fell. I remember them fondly despite how they met their end."

Gwen smiled sadly.

Cador tilted his head. "There it is again, that smile of yours. I don't want you to feel sorry for something that happened twenty-five years ago. You weren't even a twinkle in your father's eye then."

"I can't help it," she said, looking down. "It's such a sad story."

"It was wrong of me to bring it up," he concluded.

"No, I like hearing about your past" Gwen confessed.

"I'm flattered you don't find me boring."

"Not at all." Gwen's smile became more warm and cheerful. "You've helped me keep my mind occupied from... other things."

Cador leaned forward and patted one of her hands.

"I'm glad that I provided some distraction even if you could never take your mind off Arthur."

Gwen glanced towards a window to see the sun still shining in the sky. It was like the last nice day before winter started to set in. "I spent most of my time worrying that he'd forget me," she confessed.

"Never," Cador said with a grin. "A man never forgets a woman he truly loves. Believe me, I know."

"Does your lost love know how you felt about her?" Gwen asked.

Cador nodded. "She knew—but even thought our situations are similar, I think you and Arthur are a very special case."

Gwen sighed. "I hope that's true."

-

As the sky began to darken over Camelot Uther was starting to get anxious. He paced around the dining room at dinner time unsure whether he was worried, angry or both. Not that it was unusual. Arthur tended to disappear for hours on end without telling anyone especially these days. It was the disappearance of Gawain that had him wondering. He didn't think they had been attacked or detained by enemies but even if they were he knew that Arthur and Gawain would see them off easily.

Uther asked Morgana and Elaine if they had said anything to them as they, Anna and he all sat down for dinner. He ate nothing. He had lost his appetite.

"I'm afraid they said nothing to me," the beauteous blonde told her uncle, pleasantly biting into a red strawberry. "I didn't want to pry. Gawain is my brother. I don't _want_ to know what he gets up to. As for Arthur my cousin... and might be my husband" (She said this with a tint of irony none but Uther failed to miss) "so I thought I'd get leave prying into his affairs for then."

The king shook his head in agitation and turned to Morgana. She was in a daze; he patronizingly waved his hand before her face.

"Morgana?" he grunted.

She looked at him. "Sorry? Arthur—oh, right... no he didn't tell me anything either."

Uther rolled his eyes and turned to look out the window while rubbing the back of his head furiously.

Elaine looked at Morgana and smiled.

The two ladies had spent the entire day together and the princess couldn't help but notice that Morgana was in a much happier mood than she had been the last few days. They had taken wine together in the late morning before going for a walk in the castle grounds, after which they met up with Sir Percival and conversed with him until he had to return to training.

"You seem happy," Elaine finally mentioned as they waved goodbye to Percival. "I have never seen you teeth so much in my life."

Morgana laughed. "I don't know what you mean."

"It's almost as if you're in love."

The lady had blushed and said, "Nonsense!"

Anna sat at the other end of the table and watched Uther. The display of agitation and questions to the girls about whether they were _sure_ the boys hadn't said anything went on for another fifteen minutes before she stepped in the dismiss Elaine and Morgana. They were happy to go.

Once they had left Anna turned back to Uther.

"You're getting het up over nothing, Uther" she told him.

"How do you know that?"

"I know."

Uther gestured towards the window helplessly. No words came out of his mouth. Anna smiled, finding his expression amusing. He shook his head and slumped into his throne at the other end of the table.

Anna turned her posture to face him (She had been sitting sideways on her own chair) and went on:

"They're young men out on a ride," she said with obviousness. "They probably lost track of time, rode too far out to get back here before dark and just decided to camp out tonight. It's not exactly unknown. You and Gorlois used to do it all the time."

Uther just huffed angrily before settling in to a slightly sadder tone of voice. "If that is true then I bet Arthur is doing it on purpose. He hates me for sending that girl away... and I can't really blame him."

Anna sighed.

She wondered if she should him out of his misery. It had occurred to her many times to tell him but something always stopped her. If it wasn't fear that he would be angry; it was him not understanding and having to explain it to him. The scar on his forehead seemed to pop out when Uther was angry. His subjects found it scary, but Anna found it amusing.

So she decided not to tell him... yet. She was going to tell him tomorrow anyway so there was no point in shaving off a few hours. Let him stew in his juices a bit longer, she thought.

Not that she enjoyed seeing Uther boil over because of Arthur's behaviour. Anna liked Uther despite his temper; she had known him too long to find even his worst aspects punishable. She wasn't in a position to dish out punishment anyway, even as the most powerful queen in the north. She understood the pressures of being a monarch.

Anna imagined that was how Gaius felt; once you know someone as cantankerous as Uther for thirty odd years you tend to become desensitised to them. It was probably because they had a slightly less grumpy memory of Uther to draw upon too. He had _always_ been grumpy!

She sighed and got to her feet.

"Good night," she told him softly. "I promise you, there is nothing to worry about."

"It's not worry," he muttered into his glove. "It is the dread of not knowing what he's up to. I have an awful feeling this will all blow up in my face..."

Anna rolled her eyes. "It won't—now stop _fussing_!"

Elsewhere in the castle Gaius was preparing the queen and the princess's potions for that night. Elaine had sent her compliments to him saying that the medicine had helped a great deal, which was a change for Gaius since they rarely did work for anyway. Then again he suspected that the girl was lying just to make him feel better.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called not looking up.

The door opened and an unexpected face poked its head around the door. It was at that point Gaius looked up. It was the last person he had expected to see.

"_Anna_," he said in surprise.

Gaius immediately put down his potion bottle and nodded his head politely. He didn't know what to do; whether to bow or just stand there. He remembered this remarkable woman when she was just Igraine's sister. There was no bowing then.

"It is a pleasure to see you."

Anna entered the room and closed the door behind her. She walked gracefully into the room with her hands joined at the front and looked around the room as if to take it in. There were a lot of memories flooding back to her.

She then looked directly at Gaius and smiled. "I wanted to come and say hello, and to thank you for the remedy you've been sending Elaine and I."

"Are they as useless as ever?" he joked.

Anna sighed. "They are more helpful than you think; remember what I have is not magic but a sixth sense. Although I can never switch it off it does become tamer."

"Is it still the same?" he asked. "Your _affliction_ I mean."

The queen looked around the room and grabbed the first object that she could set her hands on. It happened to be (of all things) to be the small container that had once held water from the cup of life that Merlin had brought back to save Arthur. The moment Anna touched it, it all came to her.

"Nimueh, life water, the grail, the rain, Arthur and Merlin – I assume that is the young lad you look after – and..." she stopped and quickly put it down. An unpleasant feeling came over her. "It's still the same as ever. I can pick up any object and I could tell you where it came from. I can touch any person and tell you what they're thinking..."

"You cope very well with it," Gaius responded.

Anna chuckled. "After nearly forty years of this _curse_ I have had to. Like all the other women in my family. I don't see it as magic but Uther would and I don't want Lot catching wind of it either. The art of magic is too close to the religion still worshiped by the Picts; he'd think I'd betrayed him."

"I'm glad that you cope nonetheless, my lady."

The queen rolled her eyes. "Goodness sake, Gaius! Don't 'my lady' me after all these years. We have known each other too long to stand on formality. When you address me as a queen it makes me remember the days when you were the important one and the likes of me were nothing."

"You weren't 'nothing'" Gaius chuckled. "You were the granddaughter of Cunedda, a lot higher ranking than Uther was before he succeeded here as king."

"Well," she said with a grin, "Uther might forget that he is 'Uther' but I never forget that I am 'Anna'. I'd prefer it if you didn't too."

"Very well, Anna," the old man said, and returned the smile. He then picked up another formula he had concocted for the queen and her daughter. "I managed to make the sleeping draught you requested. I assume then that you have been suffering from nightmares."

"The first time in twenty years," Anna admitted dismally.

"Then it is the collective echo?" Gaius asked.

She nodded. "I imagine so... Elaine has been having the dreams too. I'm not certain what they are trying to tell me but—I think I have interpreted them right. I planned ahead."

"I'm sorry Elaine has been having the dreams."

"And the twins too," she said sadly. "Thankfully it doesn't trouble them as much as you'd expect, my poor loves. All three of them keep seeing me in their dreams, apparently."

Gaius tilted his head. "Oh?"

"When I was younger," she explained. "At least, that's what Elaine said—I tried to 'read' her but I just felt dizzy."

The bout of realisation hit Gaius like a bolt of thunder. "Oh! That was _you_ then?"

"Has someone else been having the dreams?" Anna asked curiously. Gaius didn't want to mention Merlin but the queen guessed before he could answer. She nodded and smiled with assurance, "It's alright Gaius I won't tell Uther. Besides I suspected Morgana must be having the dreams too, just like her mother used to..."

"Yes," Gaius said quickly. "Let's not go into that..."

There was a moment of silence.

Gaius looked at Anna. He would never have imagined years ago that Anna Dubois, the youngest daughter of his good friends Amlawdd and Gwenhwyfar, and sister to sensible and reserved Igraine would one day be a great northern queen renowned for her masterly ability to get people to dance to her tune.

"Why are you here, Anna?" he finally asked.

"I told you I wanted to thank you for—"

"No, no" he said quickly. "I mean what are you doing in Camelot? You must have a plan underway."

Anna shrugged. "What makes you think that?"

"Because you always have a plan," the old man replied. He had known her too long to be put off by her persistent attempts at dodging questions. Uther had never mastered the ability of pinning Anna down and probably never would. But Gaius had. "I can't believe you'd come all this way just to finalise a treaty and marry Elaine off to Arthur."

"You don't think I would?"

"I know you wouldn't."

Anna looked at him slyly. "And why do you think I _am_ here?"

"That's just it," Gaius replied, and leant back in his chair. "I don't know why—I was hoping you would indulge me."

"Did you really?"

"Yes, you usually do."

The smile across Anna's grew wider and despite her previous attempts of covering her tracks and trying to keep everyone guessing until the very end she _wanted_ to tell Gaius.

"Fine," Anna chuckled. "I'll tell you—and I promise to fill Uther in tomorrow. That's when everything will come to head."

"So it is something to do with the treaty?" Gaius guessed.

"Obviously," she replied. "It always has been since the moment Lot and Uther brought it up and Lot, in his subtle way, threw the marriage proposal my way and asked me to get hold of Uther's army. That's what he wanted—an army to help him in this war. He said 'Uther wants protection, tell him we'll offer it if he helps us.' So, I did."

"So you came up with the idea of Elaine marrying Arthur?"

Anna laughed. "Good heavens, _no_! I knew that would be a disaster from the start. I know my daughter is destined for something special but that special thing is _not_ the title of Queen of Camelot."

Gaius shrugged. "So, what did you do?"

"At first I groaned," she confessed. "I had half a mind to just tell Uther to send the armies and not bother with the marriage... but he has this ridiculous fear that I'm going to die. I knew just telling him I wasn't wouldn't help."

Gaius looked away for a moment, not really knowing what Anna was getting at. He then turned back to her, "You wanted Camelot's armies to fight alongside Lot's against Claudius?"

"Lot wanted it," she corrected him. "If I had control of every aspect of my kingdom – including the army – then there would _never_ have been a war. I tried to negotiate with Claudius but that idiot Urien wasn't having any of it. He stormed in there with his soldiers before I could say 'Stop' and flung Albion into panic, the fool."

"So Claudius retaliated?"

"Yes, _that part_ Lot forgot to tell Uther back in May" Anna grumbled. "I didn't want Claudius to marry Elaine any more than Lot did but Urien pushed Claudius to the limits and... the boy is an _idiot_ but I would have reacted the same way if goaded by a king as powerful as my husband. He had nothing to lose."

"They just wanted rid of Claudius," Gaius confirmed.

"And those that support him," Anna added. She sat back in her chair and sighed, "Suddenly I found myself being bombarded with suggestions of alliances. Lot knows Camelot has a lot of gold and Arthur's reputed skills as a warrior... he thought together them and Gawain would work a treat."

"They would," Gaius agreed.

"And _will_," Anna corrected. "This war has gone too far now and too many personal grudges are being brought to light. You know that Claudius has appealed to Bayard for help?"

"Yes," Gaius said worriedly. "But I don't understand—why are you here? You still haven't told me."

Anna leaned forward. "The armies of Camelot aren't enough, Gaius, and nor are its riches. I needed someone else... but there was no one else. Then I realised that there _was_."

Gaius thought for a moment before it dawned on him. "You mean Cador?"

"Yes," the queen finally said with relief. "He and Uther both have soldiers just sitting on the border at the Tamar doing nothing and getting bored. Then there is Cador's army that he stations inside Cornwall..."

Anna stopped and changed the subject slightly.

"Of course the armies of Camelot would be better than nothing so I indulged Uther until something else came up," she explained. "And then it did."

"Gwen," Gaius said simply.

"First it was the dream, then it was Gwen," Anna corrected him. "I started seeing a pretty young woman in my dream. I wondered what it meant. Then Uther kicked off about this maidservant, but even before that Áedh kept me well informed about this girl Arthur was supposedly in love with. When I asked Áedh (and Uther) to tell me more about this girl... I realised it was the one I (and Elaine) were dreaming about. After that I started to feel sorry for them."

"You have always lived up your promise."

She shrugged. "It didn't all dawn on me straight away—the plan, I mean. I did recognise the girl's name though. Guinevere. I remembered that Cador's friend had a daughter with that name, the same as my mother, and the name is uncommon so it had to be the same girl."

"You organised her exile for Uther?"

"Every last detail," she replied, "with the help of Gawain and Cador, of course. I dread to think what Uther might have done had Áedh not told him to come to me."

"I do too," Gaius admitted gravely. "So you planned the exile so that she would be sent to Cador."

Anna smiled. "It had been a few years since I last wrote to Cador but he was very willing to help. He thought the world of that blacksmith. And like I said... I empathised with them both, Arthur and Guinevere."

It then occurred to Gaius, in the loosest possible way, what Anna was getting at, what she had done and planned. It was clever—yet now he thought he knew he wondered why he hadn't seen it coming a mile off. That was always the case with Anna's tricks.

"You don't just want Uther and Cador to ally with you alone," he concluded. "You want them to ally... _with each other_."

"I had to get them talking somehow and I had to do it in a way that would satisfy both of them," Anna said. "For Uther it will be freeing up those soldiers on the border without have to sacrifice support with Lot. For Cador it will be uniting Cornwall with Dumnonia again one day. It's obvious Arthur will one day take over the five kingdoms; the other kings are childless but for Olaf with his daughter—daft as her mother before her—who will never make a believable queen regnant."

Gaius smiled. "I assume you haven't told Cador all of this."

"Not everything, no," she laughed. "Although I've told him more than Uther. He was keen at the idea of his erstwhile 'charge' reuniting herself with Uther's son right under Uther's nose."

"I believe he was," Gaius joked. "It seems you duped them both."

"Truth is... I think he's tired. The House is all but dead and Cador just wants Cornwall to be safe when he's gone."

"So that is where Arthur has gone?"

"To meet with Gwen and Cador, yes" she confirmed. "Tomorrow I will tell Uther everything, and —once he stops steaming from the ears —we will finally finalise the treaty... once we have met with Cador and come to an agreement, which we will since Cador and Uther will have no choice by tomorrow evening."

"You seem certain of that."

Anna grinned and winked, "I am. If things don't go exactly to plan then I'll make sure it does. Uther will be looking for a way out of the black hole he is currently in with Arthur and Cador, well, he seemed to be keen on helping me even before I told him the plan. He'll see reason."

Gaius said nothing for a while. Finally he gave Anna a gentle look and chose his words with care. There was an element of empathy with Arthur and Gwen's situation on Cador's side of things that Gaius knew very well.

"It sounds to me like Cador is still very much in love with you," he said softly.

It was the first time in a while that Anna had looked fragile and embarrassed. She was usually so strong and confident even without saying a word; the composure of a queen that had lived long enough to know that to show weakness was to die. But only Gaius was watching now.

She smiled lightly. "Be that as it may I shall apply to Cador's reason at the end of the day, not his heart. That wouldn't be fair."

"Maybe that's why your daughters, Morgana and Merlin saw you in their dreams," Gaius suggested with care. "Arthur's situation with Gwen is very similar to your situation with Cador all those years ago."

"Except for one thing," Anna pointed out. "I _chose_ to marry Lot. Arthur did not choose to be engaged to Elaine, and neither did Elaine choose him. I _never_ want any of my children to marry someone against their will and the same goes for my nephew."

Gaius offered her his warmest smile. "It seems that underneath that harsh exterior of yours beats the heart of a romantic."

Anna laughed. "Not really, it's not like I'm getting nothing out of this."

"But still," he went on, "you could have gained Cador's help for yourself and not bothered with Uther."

"I would never do that to Uther," Anna said, quiet but still confident. "I want him to be alright. Besides I'm not doing this so much for Uther as I'm doing it for Arthur's sake. I will never forget the promise I made my sister before she died to always look after him. I know I can come across overbearing at time but..."

Gaius placed a hand on Anna's and spoke in an almost fatherly tone; "I know."

-

Arthur, Merlin and Gawain reached the apple orchids just below Tor before dark. By the time they finally reached it they were exhausted. After they had gathered the fire wood – or rather Merlin had gathered the firewood – they lit a fire and ate more or less in silence. Merlin and Gawain maintained some form of conversation but Arthur was too distracted.

"I'm just going for a walk," he suddenly declared, and left Merlin and Gawain to their talking.

Arthur walked along the dark apple trees lining the low lands beyond which lay a hill where firelight was illuminating the ground around it.

It had been a long time since Arthur himself had been to Tor. His position rarely had allowed him to go on pilgrimages to give thanks to any gods, demigods or saints.

He sat down on the edge of the orchid and looked up at chapel to Saint Michael at the top of the hill. It was an important focus point for people of the New Religion. Camelot was still stuck in the old traditions of hand fasting for marriage and May Day festivals with masked balls, jousting and feats of Beltane despite being predominantly 'New Religion'. Arthur didn't know what he believed but admittedly found it easier to comprehend the New Religion than the Old. He thought both were probably very similar. They were just dressed up to look different.

At the end of the day whether a priest joins a couple by words or a piece of cloth, they were still married. It was all considered proper and legal.

Arthur reached into his pocket and pulled out the silver fairy.

He didn't know how he would ever go to sleep tonight, not when he knew he would see Gwen again tomorrow. He was frightened that he had forgotten what she looked like. He was terrified that his father might try and get rid of her again regardless of what his aunt Anna said.

The thing he feared the most was that Guinevere might not love him anymore. It had been... a month? Maybe a bit longer or less. Arthur couldn't remember how long it was since he had seen her but it felt like an eternity. In his heart he knew their love was strong enough to withstand any length of time... but he still constantly feared the worst. He found it hard sometimes to understand why she loved him. He didn't realise how low his self-value was at times.

It was at his highest when she was with him or he thought of her.

Arthur never stopped thinking about Gwen; she was all he would ever think about, which she always had been ever since he had first fallen in love with her. But instead of being able to hold her and kiss her as before all he could ever do was remember those moments. He tried hard to remember what her voice sounded like. The longer time went on, the fewer phrases he could recall. He hated it.

"Arthur?"

His head snapped around to see Merlin.

"You shouldn't leave Gawain on his own," Arthur said turning back to look at the chapel.

"He's gone to sleep," Merlin replied. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Arthur said. His voice sounded thoughtful but not sad.

Merlin sat down next to him and looked up at the glowing lights of the torches around the chapel that sat right at the top of Tor. There was a thin outline of the steps that led up to it. Being a creature of the old ways Merlin was surprised at how spiritual he found the place. Then again it had been sacred land for the Old Religion before the New Religion; the essence of the high priests and priestesses of times gone by still lingered in the air and made Merlin feel at peace.

"I was just thinking of how things have changed," he suddenly said.

Arthur glanced at him. "How do you mean?"

"Well, you and Gwen" Merlin replied. "It sort of marked the end of our childhood and brought about the beginning of adulthood."

"That's very philosophical of you to say, Merlin."

"Not really," the young servant replied. "It's just the way things are. I think it's amazing that the greatest love affair of your lives began because you were sending love letters to each other, falling in love blindly. So much changed because of it..."

It was so easy to forget that it had all started because of love letters. Then again the coming together of Arthur and Guinevere had felt so natural that Merlin believed more and more that Morgana was right. The letters were merely one means to an end and they were truly destined to be together.

A smile crept across Arthur's face. "What you mean is that so much changed because of _your blind ineptitude_ when it comes to delivering letters?"

Merlin looked at him. "What do you mean? I delivered those letters for you with the greatest punctuality—"

"I meant that the first letter was supposed to be addressed to you," Arthur said without any trace of care. Merlin stared at him wide eyed. Arthur laughed, "What? I figured _that_ ages ago—as soon as Gwen sent me that letter saying that there was someone else."

"Y-you _knew_ it was me?" Merlin questioned, very embarrassed. "H-how did you know? _I _didn't even know until she told me. Did Gwen tell you?"

Arthur scoffed, "Yeah, right, as if she'd just up and tell me something _that_ one day. Honestly Merlin you really can be a fool."

"Then how...?"

"I told you," the prince said. "I figured it out for myself. It didn't take a lot of guessing, especially after you told me you knew this other man and made me promise all those things to you. I told you at the time—I don't hold it against you."

Merlin just continued to stare at him. "I thought you meant... something else when you said that. That you didn't hold it against me for not telling you who the other man was."

"Well," Arthur said looking back at the chapel. "I thought you had understood at the time."

That explained why Arthur only kept the later letters in his secret draw and not the first few. Merlin mentioned that but remembered that he wasn't supposed to know. He would have to explain how he knew where the letters were hidden. Then Arthur would murder him for going down his draws for reasons that Merlin could only explain as being nosey. He could hardly say he needed objects that belonged to Gwen for a finding spell.

"And you don't mind?" Merlin asked.

"Why should I?" he shrugged. "At the end of the day she fell for me, not you. Besides you aren't exactly much of a threat."

Merlin chuckled before he stopped and scowled. "What's that supposed to mean? I could get someone like Gwen if I wanted to!"

"Don't push it, Merlin."

"Sorry!"

They sat in silence for a moment longer. A wind blew up brushing against their faces and making the torches along Tor flutter in the gale.

"Arthur," Merlin started up again. This time the prince turned his head to look at him. "Why are we here at Tor and why did you want Gawain and I to be here too? You could have come to meet Gwen by yourself."

An almost shy smile appeared on Arthur's face. He had smiled more today than he had in weeks. Gwen really did return hope to him. He held the silver fairy before him. "I'm surprised you haven't already figured it out."

"I have an idea," Merlin admitted, glancing at the lights on Tor again. "I just don't want to say anything at the risk of being wrong..."

Arthur said nothing. Ten second past before he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a kerchief tied together at the ends. He pulled it open as he spoke, "We only need two witnesses, you and Cador, but Gawain did say he wanted to be invited."

Inside was a ring.

"I knew it!" Merlin said ecstatically. He stared at Arthur's hand wide eyed and his voice squeaked loudly as went on, "I _bloody_ knew it! You're going to ask Gwen to marry you!"

Arthur hushed him harshly, "You might wake up Gawain."

"Why doesn't he know?"

"Of course he _knows_!" the prince snapped in a whisper. "I won't be sleeping much tonight but if he is then who am I to begrudge him?"

"I don't think I will either," Merlin remarked, rubbing the back of his head. Even though he had seen it coming it was still an exciting thing for him. "_I can't believe it_—what will you father say?"

Arthur closed the hand that held the ring. "I don't care what my father thinks anymore."

"Yeah but—won't he be angry?" Merlin asked. He thought fear of Uther would be obvious in this elopement. "I mean I get that the Duke of Cornwall is in on this but—what about Queen Anna? What will she say?"

Arthur looked at Merlin as if he was stupid. "You still don't get it, do you?"

Merlin blinked. "Get what?"

"About my aunt Anna," Arthur went on. "You haven't figured it out. How do you think that Cador knew about all of this? How do you think Gwen ended up being sent to him in the first place? Why do you think Gawain told me where she was, or why Elaine knew about Gwen?"

Merlin's eye widened. "You mean—Queen Anna plotted this out?!"

Arthur nodded head patronisingly. "Bravo, Merlin! Still, I can't blame you for being surprised. I could barely believe it when Gawain told me."

"But why is she doing it?"

"I don't really care," the prince confessed with a sudden fit of laughter. "She can take whatever she wants out of this—as long as Gwen is able to return to Camelot without fear from my father, I _really_ don't care."

"Fair enough," Merlin laughed too.

"She's doing it to get my father and Cador to unite," Arthur told him. "At least that's what I think Gawain said. Two armies are better than one and all of that. There are other details too (all to do with the war) but... like I said, I don't care. I'll be called on to fight and defend Camelot whatever happens; I'd like to do it knowing Gwen is at home waiting for me..."

Arthur opened his hand again and held the ring between his fingers.

"This is what I went off to find yesterday," he said, looking at it as if admiring it. "My aunt actually gave this ring to me when I was twelve. It was my mother's. My father likes to keep all her things under lock and key so I kept it hidden in the old nursery."

It seemed ironic that the king kept his dead wife's personal objects locked up just as he did with the things taken from Gwen's house. Merlin wondered whether Uther kept a personal shrine to the dead queen hidden underneath one of his draws too...

"I think she'll like it," Merlin said, not knowing what to say without sounding like a gushing child. "I mean Gwen will appreciate it because it obviously means a lot to you..."

"Even if..." Arthur began, but he stopped and started again. "Regardless of everything I just want her to have it. Whether she wants to marry me or not I want her to have it. She gave me the fairy, and I'll give her this."

"She'll say yes," Merlin said with a great degree of certainty. "I know she will."

Arthur brought his hand to his mouth anxiously. "I don't even know how I'm going to say it!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean—how should I ask her?" he said, genuinely starting to sound worried. "It's all I've been thinking about all day—how should I put it?"

"You could just give her the ring and ask her," Merlin suggested unhelpfully.

"That's brilliant, Merlin" Arthur snapped sarcastically. "I never would have thought of something so bleeding obvious if you hadn't pointed it out to me."

Merlin rolled his eyes. Arthur wasn't exactly intuitive even to really obvious things. His sarcasm made it clear that he was apprehensive. Merlin decided to approach the subject differently.

"What I meant was is that you shouldn't worry about it," he said.

"That's easier said than done."

"Just tell her how you feel," Merlin told him. "Get down on one knee, pull out the ring and ask her to marry you. It doesn't take much thinking about."

"Merlin," Arthur groaned nervously. "I do actually get the process of a proposal. The thing I'm worried about is... that I'll say it the wrong way."

"How can you say it the wrong way?"

"I don't know!" Arthur said, starting to get irritated. "I'm worried that I'll... stumble over my words, or do the wrong thing and embarrass myself and her by... doing something wrong. I don't know. I'm just..."

Merlin tilted his head as Arthur continued to threat.

"Nervous?" the servant finally finished.

Arthur sighed. "Yes. I _am_ nervous."

They sat in awkward silence for another long moment. Merlin wanted to reassure Arthur but all his efforts just seemed to irritate him more. He considered making a joke to lighten the mood but the mood wasn't exactly tense—Arthur was just concerned about tomorrow. He hadn't seen Gwen for so long and now... he was going to ask her this big thing.

"You want to practise?" Merlin suggested.

Arthur slowly turned his head to look at him, eyebrows raised.

"What do you mean 'practise'?"

"I mean you just keep saying it until you say it the way you want to."

"I'm not revising for an exam!"

"I'm just trying to help!" Merlin said defensively.

He got to his feet clumsily.

"Clearly I'm just bothering you," he said, walking back towards camp. "I'll go."

"Merlin," Arthur called firmly.

Merlin turned around, came back and plopped beside Arthur again.

"I'm sorry," the prince said quietly. "I know you're only trying to help."

"It's fine," the servant replied. "And it's okay to be nervous. I don't think you have anything to worry about... I just thought you might feel better if, maybe, you ran through the things you wanted to say."

Arthur smiled awkwardly. "I'd feel stupid!"

"I could prompt you!" Merlin suggested.

Arthur gave him a sceptical look.

"Or maybe I could just sit here quietly?"

-

Uther _knew_ something was up by the next day.

Arthur and Gawain had failed to return and there had been no sighting of them since yesterday morning. They had officially gone. He had rattled on about it over breakfast to an apparently uncaring Anna. She had thought to tell Uther what was going on once he stopped shouting but that stop never came. So she sat there quietly trying to ignore him.

He _knew_ something had to be going on.

Moreover he had a good idea what it was—and it _infuriated_ him!

He stormed into his Privy Council meeting, which Anna had been attending to, apparently to discuss the treaty. She sat at one end of the table with Áedh to her right, in quiet conversation with him when Uther entered directly behind her. The bang of the door startled everyone as he entered. As he took his place at the head of the table, he made his words brief.

"Is there anything important on the agenda or can we leave it for tomorrow?" he grunted.

They all stared at him; it was unlike Uther to be so dismissive of state affairs. Anna couldn't suppress a smile.

"Sire, you called us here to begin drawing up the treaty between your kingdom," explained Sir Ector, "and Queen Anna's kingdom."

The councillors all looked to Anna. She sat proud and regal at the table. They all noticed the faint smile on her red lips.

"You were the one who wanted these talks, Uther" she said calmly. "They can be left for tomorrow... if you so desire. It was what I suggested after all."

Uther stared down the table at her. His expression was unfocused as he wanted to just stand at the window and wait for Arthur to appear or not appear. He wanted to send the guard out to find him, and Gawain. He barely had the presence of mind to notice Anna's relaxed attitude to the whole thing. _Why isn't she more concerned?_

"Sire?" Ector asked questioningly.

Uther didn't look at him; he just stared at Anna. _She was hiding something!_

Anna turned to Ector. "I think the king is concerned for his son's absence. The treaty cannot be finalised without his signature after all."

She turned back to Uther and saw that he was still staring at her. Finally he spoke, saying the next few words calmly. "If there is no other business I would like to talk to you alone."

Anna's smile widened, "Of course. Gentlemen?"

The councillors and grooms got the message loud and clear. Uther and Anna got to their feet as the old men slowly began to vacate the room to leave the King and the visiting Queen to talk in private. They both stood in silence until the room was completely empty and silent. As soon as the door closed Anna elegantly turned to face her brother-in-law, linking her fingers at her front while Uther wandered towards the window.

"Uther," she began in an upbeat tone.

"_Anna_," he replied, mocking her tone.

Anna rolled her eyes.

He continued to stare out of the window, waiting for Anna to respond but she did not. Uther knew she was playing one of her games. He knew her very well; she was not the kind to be furious but when she was angry she began to 'play the game' again, to manipulate people into accepting her way even if they had denied it.

"You know where he's gone, don't you?"

Anna tilted her head. "What do you mean 'I' know?"

He looked over his shoulder at her; she was still standing, graceful and silent.

"Arthur," Uther said. "You know where he's gone. I'm certain I know too—he's gone to find that, that girl. Guinevere. And Gawain must have gone with them."

The younger woman just looked up at him, her only movement being the blinking of her eyes.

"Tell me I'm wrong" he said.

Anna shook her head. "I cannot say something is wrong when... well, when it is so obviously true."

Uther looked away again and shook his head, "Why didn't you _agree_ with me last night, then?"

She said nothing.

"I'm surprised you have not yet voiced offense at Arthur's behaviour."

"Why would I voice offence?" she asked. "I had expected him to be anything _other_ than pleased to see Elaine and myself here. He lived up to my expectations. To voice offence would sound like I was surprised."

"Nonetheless he could have made the effort."

"He is true to his own personality," Anna said, defending her nephew much to the surprise of Uther. She then smiled and said, "Godknows where he gets _that_ from."

That was a question Uther couldn't even answer to himself. He had always preached the self-righteous action of being true to your heart but never lived by the rule. In many ways life had always taught his generation to paint out their true feelings to present a front to the world. They were all guilty of it: Anna, Igraine, Tristan, Gorlois, Cador, Gaius and himself. He could look at Arthur's actions with disgust but also a small tint of admiration...

But he would never confess that to Anna.

"Uther," Anna said, clearing her throat after a long silence. "Why are you so keen to see my Elaine marry Arthur?"

He looked out of the window again, silent.

"You don't even remember any more, do you?"

"No, I do," Uther finally said, trying to gather the reasons in his head. He failed to do so and instead back turned to Anna. "I'm just surprised you ask me—you helped organise this match as well..."

"This has nothing to do with what I did," Ana said firmly, not wanting to reveal her own intentions just yet. She wanted to know his mind without grabbing hold of his hand and reading it. She would never dare do that with Uther, too frightened that he would suspect something. "I asked you why you wanted this so much."

He shrugged. "There are many reasons, the primary one being that we have to keep the family bond strong..."

"It _is_ strong," Anna told him firmly. "I said a million times in my letters. The bond is strong because _I _am here."

"And what if something were to happen to you?"

"The bond would carry over to Gawain," she told him, still firm and certain. "I have always had faith in your son. I think the _least_ you can do is employ some faith in mine."

"Lot does not rely on—"

"I _know_," she said, not wanting to hear him drone on about the same things he had in his letters. For months it had been nothing but this mindless drivel that he had scribbled down to her in private. "I know my husband is a risky ally but he is _not_ a mindless thug. He appreciates all the allies he can get. He relies on Camelot just as much as you do on Eidin. There is a war coming up, Uther. He'll do anything to have Camelot's armies firmly on his side—it won't matter to him whether Arthur takes Elaine or not."

"We cannot rest all our hopes on the idea that Arthur and Gawain will maintain the alliance based on the fact they are cousins and friends," Uther reminded. "We both know that."

"Why not?" she asked with the first reassuring smile she had given him all day. "You and I have managed the last twenty odd years to maintain our alliance based on the fact you were married to my sister," before adding with a chuckle, "And we're not exactly best friends. I don't even like you that much."

Uther stared at her. "Thank you, Anna."

He shook his head, remembering how annoyed he was.

"This is all beyond the point!" he shouted angrily. "Why aren't you angry? Arthur has run off to find a former servant-girl and you are questioning _me_? You don't even seem that surprised!"

"That's because I'm not."

"And what," Uther spat, "this sudden understanding of great truth just came to you this morning?"

Anna tilted her head to the other side and sighed. "You know that isn't true, Uther. Don't pretend not to understand. Don't feed me this rubbish. You can't fool me Uther Pendragon, you never could."

He glared at her. "You knew all along that Arthur had gone to meet that girl."

"Guinevere."

"So we're calling her Guinevere now, are we?"

"I think it's only fitting given the circumstances."

The scar on his forehead was bulging at this point. "What circumstances?"

Anna smiled. "Given that the girl will probably soon become your daughter-in-law."

Uther's eyes were low and hot with anger.

Had Anna not been a queen and a woman he would have smacked her at that moment. It was the way she stood there without a care in the world it seemed, messing with his head and relishing in his confusion and misery. At least that was how Uther saw it. Anna on the other hand might have told him a lot faster had he stopped ranting and raving for at least two seconds.

She stepped forward. "I was going to tell you this morning but... well, you were shouting so much that I thought I'd put it off a bit longer."

"And watch me act like a fool?"

"I wouldn't have called you a fool" Anna replied. "More like a grumpy lout."

"And that is supposed to be better."

"At least a grumpy lout has common sense, a fool doesn't. I'd never call you a fool, albeit you do choose to do things I question."

Uther braced and turned away. "This is no time for this conversation. We are talking about Arthur here."

"Indeed we are."

Uther felt his skin leap with surprise as his sister-in-law threaded her arm through his and smiled. He _hated_ it when she smiled _like that_. It was how he knew he had been had. She had been the same way since childhood in that respect. She was very different from the young girl she had been when Igraine was still alive; the girl who played tricks and constantly got into trouble due to being egged-on by Tristan. She was mature and steadfast now but there was still a spark of the old Anna inside her.

He grumbled under his breath and Anna laughed. "There are worse things than this."

"How can you say that?" he snapped back.

"Think about it," she said, pausing for thought for a moment before she went on. "Your boy could have done a lot worse."

Uther stopped dead and looked down at her. "This is the worst thing he has ever done _to date_. He disobeyed me, turned his back on me over this girl and then I learn that you helped him engineer a plot to escape from Camelot not just to find this girl _but marry her_!"

Anna rolled her eyes again.

"I wasn't talking about what Arthur has _actually done_. I meant the actual _girl_! I've heard she's a nice little thing. Yes, she is a commoner but she is noble, clever and honest. Even _you_ agree with that."

He twitched beneath hand. "How do you know that?"

"Oh really Uther!" she said with another smile. I know _everything_, it said.

Uther mumbled something under his breath and began pacing the room. He still didn't quite understand why she was doing this and didn't want to ask. He knew she would fully explain it now she had told him the truth about Arthur and Guinevere, but he didn't want to ask at the risk of sounding stupid. He was nearly a decade older than Anna but even now they were adults and the age difference was no longer a vast he still didn't want to confess to being bested by a younger monarch. A _woman_, no less.

Then another thought came to him, one he imagined Anna was waiting for him to ask. He stopped pacing and looked back to her.

"She is a servant girl," he suddenly announced.

It was an obvious statement and one that no one had failed to miss. Yet Anna smiled proudly as she answered;

"No she isn't," she said confidently. "She is legally the charge of Cador, the Duke of Cornwall. That is what she became the moment she stepped onto Cornish soil. The moment Cador agreed to take her and become responsible for her that is what she became. You and I agreed that the girl would not be a prisoner but simply put into Cador's care, remember? It is no different to how Morgana is your charge."

"It is _entirely_ different!" Uther shouted. "Morgana is a _lady_. Guinevere is a _commoner_."

"There is no law against a prince marrying a commoner. If royalty were only ever allowed to marry those among the nobility we would all be inbred and sickly."

"There should be," he mumbled childishly.

"Oh grow up and stop sulking!" Anna snapped. "You haven't changed, have you? You are still as haughty and stuck-up as ever... which is rich considering that you spent your own childhood in exile after Vortigern and Rowena saw the Pendragon clan off."

Uther folded his arms. "What is your point?"

"My point is that if a granddaughter of Cunedda can look favourably on a commoner as a wife for a future king then surely a former upstart can too," Anna concluded before giving Uther a coy look. "Especially one that was also at one time looked down on by elitist royalty until he was looked favourably upon by a granddaughter of Cunedda, one who could have simply married one of the Duke of Cornwall's sons."

The king raised an eyebrow. "Are you referring to Igraine or yourself?"

Anna lowered her eyes; why did everyone keep raising the subject of Cador? It was so many years ago and it wasn't her fault if he still cared about her. She was still deeply fond of him too but she was no longer the same Lady Anna Dubois but Queen Anna of Orkney and Gododdin, wife of King Lot and mother to six children. Uther was not going to make _her_ feel bad by raking up _her_ past.

"I'm merely stating that for you to look down on someone for being common is a bit hypocritical," she said, refusing to jump and bite at Uther's 'Cador' reference.

Uther scoffed. "This is hardly the same thing. I may not have been born of one of the founding kings of Albion, or even the ancient families of Dumnonia but I was _not_ _a commoner_. My mother was a Breton from the royal family (Your father's distant cousin) and my father was a Roman nobleman; he could trace his family line back to the great families of Rome."

"Your father was a usurper," Anna said sharply. "Thirty years ago when you were Arthur's age your background was far too uncertain and sketchy for Albion's liking. It meant nothing to us back then. All that mattered to the tyrant Vortigern was that your family were 'traitors' and needed to be got rid of. At least this girl doesn't have a dubious past."

The king stood in front of Anna again, trying to sum her up. She gave as good as she got, staring up at him with a straight face.

"Why are you defending her? You don't even know her!"

Anna sighed. "I have a feeling."

"If that is all you're basing this on, then you are doomed."

Anna could not tell Uther about the dreams. He would think her mad or a witch or something ridiculous like that. Instead she shook her head and sighed again. "You know very well this isn't just about my feelings. I am doing this for political reasons too, things that will benefit both of us."

"Then please indulge me!" Uther shouted angrily, now fully frustrated with Anna's tap dance around the issue. "I sure as hell can't see it. You have come all this way with only to help _my_ son to backstab me—and your daughter—by running off to Tor to marry his lover, with the assistance of your son."

"Yes," Anna said simply. "Well, actually, not about Elaine. She knows everything too."

The king shook his head. He had enough of this. The anger was clearly starting to explode inside of him. God, he longed for the days when he could punish Anna for her beguiling tricks by confining her to her chambers. He rushed towards the door. He banged loudly on it and shouted for his guard. The doorman was shoved backwards as Uther roughly opened the door as the doorman was about to open it.

"Summon the guard immediately!" the king bellowed viciously.

"Brilliant idea," Anna said cheerfully. She was genuinely trying to calm his tone down. "Send for Áedh too! We should get our party together and make our way towards Tor. We have the treaty to finalise."

Uther took a deep, frustrated sigh as he heard the words 'we have a treaty to finalise'. He turned slowly around like a panther on the prowl and walked towards her again. "What treaty? Didn't you just admit to destroying the very foundations of the treaty by _conniving_ to help Arthur—?"

Anna groaned at his slowness. "Uther, for goodness sake _think_! Why would I sabotage the treaty for no good reason?"

Uther slumped pathetically into a chair. He was completely drained of energy.

"You tell me," he said gloomily. "I have given up on trying guessing your silly little games Anna. I don't understand why you still play them. It would be much easier if you just got people to carry out your orders. People are not dolls, Anna."

Anna sighed thoughtfully. "Ah, I remember when I was nine and you used to tell me that. It's a pity you have often failed to follow your own advice."

Her tone then became serious.

"I do this because it's the only way I can get what I want," she confessed. "No man would ever agree to what I have set up. Don't you see that if you make an alliance with Cador then not only do you gain military support but you have a chance of uniting Camelot and Cornwall again?"

"That's why you did it?"

"There are many reasons why I did it," Anna went on. "But the chief reason is that in times like these holding petty grudges against each other over something that happened thirteen years ago will do no one any good. I had to get you and Cador on the same side. Then when you came to me with this problem with Arthur I thought it was a gift from God."

Uther gasped for air. "How the hell do you think all this _nonsense_ up?"

Anna immediately found herself thinking of her nightmares again. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I don't believe anything when you're concerned."

The queen felt sorry for her brother-king and found herself kneeling beside his chair. She reached for his wrist and smiled up at him. Uther always felt unnerved when Anna did things like this; but she wasn't playing any tricks right now. She was genuinely trying to calm him down and make him understand.

"I'm sorry you feel like I have manipulated you," she began, and he scoffed. She sighed, "Alright, fine. I _have_ manipulated you—but I was thinking of our kingdoms and Cador's duchy the whole time and what would be best for everyone. If I had told you my plans when I first came up with them you wouldn't have approved."

"No, I wouldn't" he mumbled into his glove. "I assume you told Cador, though."

"Not everything."

"He was _always_ a fool for you," he said disdainfully.

Anna bit her lip. "Do you understand why I did it?"

"No, but I'm starting to" Uther said. "It doesn't mean I agree."

"But secretly I imagine you're glad to be out of this trap with Arthur," she suggested. "At least this way we get to stay friends and Arthur might start speaking to you again... so as long as you don't continue to oppose his choice of lady."

Uther shook his head. "There are so many things that could go wrong—" he paused as Anna's face remained neutral, "Regardless of what this girl is now, no matter how we dress it up—she _was_ a servant and no marriage will change the fact that everyone in this kingdom knows her background."

"It's not supposed to be easy," the queen replied firmly. She got to her feet and brushed down her dress. "It's no different from any other marriage. Love is all very well but you've really got to work at a marriage. I think these two are strong enough to make it after all they have been through. They seem stronger than most couples among the nobility."

Uther had run out of strength to protest. "But she's a—"

Anna groaned. "If you say the words 'she's a' followed by either 'commoner' or 'servant' I will _lamp_ you. It's not like you're not getting something out of this; you keep my kingdom's support, your son gets a larger army to lead into battle when Lot calls on you, and Cador told me he would even fix a dowry on the girl."

"_Brilliant_," Uther said sarcastically.

He sat up and looked at her, hands clasped together on his knees.

"So let me get this straight," he said, picking up a detail that seemed to have been lost in the description of how and why Anna had done what she had. "You now want me to go with you to Tor, or nearby, to enter into alliance talks with Cador... and then you will finalise the treaty?"

"Yes," Anna said simply.

There was a loud bang at the door. The guards entered and all filed into the room one by one at the king's command. They were followed by the Orcadian ambassador Áedh. He bowed to the pair gracefully. "Your majesties; you called for us."

Uther looked to Anna and she looked to him. On this occasion the king of Camelot had to admit defeat. At least if this marriage was a disaster it might be easy to quash it than if it had been Elaine that Arthur was marrying. Uther wasn't going to deny that since Gwen was exiled he had had doubts the match with Elaine, if not simply because of Arthur's inability to forgive him for sending the girl away. And he would even admit that night when she left had had thought there was a hidden nobility inside her.

That said she was still a commoner no matter how much Anna had tried to dress it up. Still Uther had no choice but to follow Anna's lead. He would have her explain properly the details on the way to Tor.

"Gather the Camelonian and Orcadian guard in the square," Uther ordered the head guard. "Queen Anna and I intend to travel to Tor... immediately."

Anna walked out ahead before Uther could get any more out of her.

Well she can't avoid me in the hours it will take us to get from to this damned meeting with Cador, Uther thought. The thought of seeing Cador made him dread what was to come next. He dreaded it more than facing up to the prospect that Arthur had married Guinevere.

The pair of them prepared themselves for the journey while rumours sped around the castle in regards to Arthur and Gwen. News said that they had found each other and were to marry, so the king was on his way to confront them. Others said that Queen Anna had organised talks with Cador for Camelot and that a marriage between Arthur and Gwen would be used to seal the alliance, now that Gwen was Cador's charge. None of them had a clue just how accurate their rumours were.

Before Anna left her apartments to meet up with Uther again, Elaine came in.

"I hear you're off then," she remarked.

Anna turned and smiled. "Indeed I am. I might be gone for a day or so if all goes to plan. We'll return to Camelot with the girl I hope and a finalised treaty between Cador, Uther and our family."

"Just as you wanted," Elaine said with a smile.

The queen was about to leave when she noticed that her daughter's smile was slightly off and distracted. She stopped and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine mother," the girl said distantly. "I'm just wondering what it will be like to meet the girl. Guinevere. I've had dreams about her for so long... it'll be strange."

"I feel the same way," the mother confessed, stroking the daughter's shoulder affectionately. "You haven't told anyone about your dreams, have you?"

Elaine shook her head. "I haven't even told Morgana."

"Good. I don't want her to know, or anyone for that matter," Anna said firmly as if to make the point to her daughter. "I'm worried someone might find out. You are special Elaine and you are destined for special things."

"You never wanted me to marry Arthur at any point – did you?" the girl asked in wonderment.

"No, I didn't" Anna assured her. "I didn't want you to marry Claudius, or any of the other men your father proposed for you. The only one I had a good feeling about was Percival, but it was many years since you were promised to him."

"I was three years old" Elaine chuckled. "It seems strange seeing him here in Camelot."

"Yes," Anna agreed. She clutched her daughter's shoulder tenderly once more before letting it go. "I have always believed you were special, Elaine. I stick by that fact. It's a feeling I have, and you know I'm usually right about my feelings."

"So you aren't disappointed in me?"

Anna tilted her head, leant forward and kissed her daughter on the cheek. "I could never be disappointed in you. I love you and your brothers and sisters equally. I'm proud of all of you – and your cousin Arthur – and no matter what you do, that will never change."

Elaine's smile widened; she was often grateful that her mother had lived to be the woman she was now, unlike her poor late aunt that none of them children had ever known, including Arthur.

The travelling party made up of Camelonian and Orcadian guards assembled in the square as the King of Camelot and the Queen of Orkney appeared in the courtyard. There was buzzing excitement as people of all social status, class, position and ethnicity gathered around the two monarchs. It seemed the news of the prince's actions had spread fast.

"We have an audience," Anna remarked as she mounted her horse.

Uther soon followed and looked across to her. "Aren't you going to tell me the details of this fiasco of a meeting you have planned for me?"

"If you promise to listen like a sensible adult, of course" she sniped back. Had she not been a sovereign queen he might have thrown her in the dungeons for that.

"Sometimes I can barely believe you and Igraine were sisters," Uther grumbled quietly. "She would never betray and trick me like you do."

Anna just laughed.

-

Gawain woke to find the spots where Arthur and Merlin were sleeping empty.

He jumped up with a start, worried that he had overslept. It was a silly thought as surely they wouldn't have set off without waking him. Nonetheless he hurried got out of from under his sheepskins. The sound of the birding birds chirped away above his head as he pulled his shirt and boots on. He then swiftly set off to look for Arthur and Merlin through the orchids. It couldn't be that he had overslept as the dew dampened his boots and the air was still fresh.

As he made his way towards the end of the orchids Gawain could hear their voices wafting over from the fields. He walked towards it;

_"I told you not to do the voice!"_

"I was just trying to set the scene—"

_"Don't, it's distracting!"_ Arthur reprimanded him. _"You sound nothing like Guinevere when you do that voice. You sound like—"_

_"What?"_

_"Like a sad manservant trying to do a generic girl voice."_

_"Fine, I won't do the voice!"_ Merlin sulked.

"Don't say anything!" Arthur ordered him angrily. "Just tell me whether I sound stupid or not..."

"Fine, get down on your knees and I'll tell you," Merlin said. Gawain came towards them just as Arthur got down on his knee. He tried to fight back a laugh. "I think you should take hold of one of her hands."

"I am _not_ taking hold of one of _your_ hands," Arthur said firmly. He had enough of this silly practise session and knew it would be a bad idea anyway. He could never rely on Merlin to be sensible. Arthur pulled himself to his feet and noticed. "I've had enough of this—this is just making me more nervous."

He saw Gawain at the morning.

"Good morning," the younger prince said with a smile. He looked between Arthur and Merlin. "Did either of you two sleep last night?"

"I got a few hours," Arthur muttered, immediately turning to walk back into the orchids. "It was enough."

Merlin leaned closer to Gawain and whispered, "He didn't get that much sleep. If he had gone to sleep properly, you'd know about it."

"Does he snore?"

"Gwen says he snores like a pig," Merlin chuckled in reply. "I've heard him too, while standing in the next room."

Gawain laughed. "I wouldn't have noticed either way because I'm a pretty heavy sleeper."

"Let's hope Gwen is too," Merlin joked.

The three men returned to camp and got the fire going again to make something to eat. Yet again Arthur was more interested in watching and waiting for any sign that someone was coming than the food Merlin had prepared for them. Then again Merlin wasn't the best cook in the world; his culinary delights obviously didn't impress Gawain either, who ate about half before declaring he was full. He didn't want to hurt Merlin's feelings needlessly, servant or not.

"You don't need to lie to him Gawain" Arthur muttered distractedly. "Merlin knows he can't cook."

"At least you usually eat some of it," Merlin retorted, indicating the prince's barely touched plate.

"Or else I'd die of starvation."

"You really should eat something more," Gawain agreed with Merlin.

"I've eaten three windfall apples already," Arthur told them, and rubbed the back of his neck. "One nearly hit me on the head."

They then proceeded to wait. Gawain tried to keep the conversation going by asking Merlin about the knights of Camelot in order that he could put all the names to faces. Arthur only occasionally pitched in to either correct or make personal comments on a knight. Gawain asked about Percival, who his sister had spoken highly of before asking about Percival's brother, Lamorak.

"You knocked him off a horse in the May Day joust" Merlin reminded Gawain.

"Little weasel deserved it," Arthur said confidently.

He would never forget what Lamorak had tried to do to Gwen. He had harassed her and treated her as if she were nothing. Arthur had every intention of making Lamorak's life as difficult as possible. Hopefully with the upcoming war Pellinore would call both his sons back from their exile and then he wouldn't have to deal with him although Percival would be a great loss to Camelot's army. At least they were all on the same side.

"What if they've got lost?" Arthur suddenly said, interrupting Merlin tell Gawain about Sir Kay's upcoming marriage to Lady Bedivere. "What if something's happened to her?"

Merlin looked up. "Give it time it's still early."

Arthur took a frustrated sigh, got to his feet and walked off ahead.

"Where are you going?" Merlin and Gawain called in chorus.

"For a walk," he called back. "I need to clear my head."

Ironically Gwen was closer than they thought, and fearing that something would go wrong just as much as Arthur was. Her greatest fear was that he had been detained by Uther's guards before Anna's plan rolled into action. However unlike Arthur Gwen was keeping all her worst fears to herself. She didn't want to lose face in front of Cador who had gone to all this trouble for her.

The Cornish travelling party had only just arrived at Tor. They stood at the top of the valley overlooking the terrain of the large hill with the chapel at the top and the lines and lines of tall growing apple trees.

Gwen could feel her heart thundering inside her chest; it made her breath come quick and her head feel light. It seemed unbelievable that after so many weeks apart she would finally see Arthur again. She would be able to hold him and feel him beneath her fingers. Being without him was like returning to the old days before they were lovers, when Arthur was distant and ghostly thing that could not be touched by her servant's hands. To be with him and let him touch her with his own callus hands made him human. It made him more than just a fantasy.

"Are you alright?" Cador asked.

Gwen looked to him. The wind was blowing back the hood of her light blue cape and causing her hair to flick from side to side. "I'm fine," she said shakily. "It's just a little cold up here."

"We'd best get down into the orchids, the wind will be weaker down there," he said, pointing straight ahead. "Then we can make our way towards the chapel atop Tor."

"It's a steep climb," Jermyn commented.

"But well worth the pilgrimage," Cador said, and he winked at Gwen.

The duke motioned the rest of the party on as together they all rode swiftly down the side of the hill. There was a small stream sitting by the bottom of the hill where the forest of apple trees began. One by one Gwen, Cador, Jermyn, Ysgudydd (who had come with them to act as Gwen's maid while Ysgyrdav remained at Tintagel) and the rest of the Cornish guard, jumped over the steam and stopped. They were surrounded by apple trees perfectly lined up for miles and miles.

The air smelt wonderful.

Everyone dismounted their horses. As soon as he climbed from his horse Cador turned immediately to help Gwen from hers. There was nothing but the sound of the wind, the birds and the horses snorting from the hill-ride.

"It's beautiful," Ysgudydd said wearily.

"We'll make our way to Saint Michael's within the next hour" Cador explained to his men. He then turned to Gwen. He knew she would want to try and find Arthur; he was the reason they had really come. "Do you wish to walk alone, or would you rather someone came with you?"

Gwen took a deep breath; she didn't even know whether Arthur had made it there or not. She feared what would happen if she bumped straight into him, how she would react. She feared even more that she would miss him entirely, as this orchid was like a straight maze.

She turned to Cador. "I think I'll be safe on my own. This is a holy land, after all. I'll come back if I don't find anyone."

"Are you sure?" he asked again. "Ysgudydd could go with you if you don't want it to be me."

She shook her head. "It's fine. She's tired so let her sit down. I'd like to look around on my own."

Cador sighed and said, "Very well."

He was glad for her but also sad to be losing her. Cador knew once she found Arthur they would never let each other go and, like a father bidding farewell to a daughter, he would have to watch on and simply be happy for her. He was happy for her, but sorry to lose the person that had coaxed him out of his shell at Tintagel. It hadn't just been Anna's plan that drove him to protect this girl; it was a duty he felt he owed to Tom. He wondered if maybe, had he not closed himself off after Gorlois's death, he might have been above to intervene on his behalf to Uther. It was too late to dwell on that now.

"Cador," Gwen called.

He turned around.

She smiled. "Thank you."

He smiled too. "It's my pleasure."

Gwen made her way straight ahead down one of the long pathways lined completely with apple trees. They were all coming into season and the large green rocks were falling from the weak branches that could no longer maintain them. As she looked up she wondered who it was that harvested the apples – the high priests, the elders or maybe the monks? She wasn't sure.

She climbed over to the other parallel path closer to the rolling fields that led to the hill of Tor. The two trees she had to sidetrack to get onto it were particularly bounteous in fruit. It was good news for whoever it was that picked them. Her cape and dress ruffled against the bark as she climbed past through and landed on the dusty path with a small thud of her feet. Whoever had first planted these trees obviously hadn't realised how big they eventually grew.

Gwen took a deep breath and turned around. She was completely out of sight of the Cornish travelling party and Cador. She wondered if she'd be able to find her way back if she didn't find anyone else.

She walked along the trees admiring the sun as it glistened through the leaves and apples of the branch canopies above her head. The blue morning sky was visible directly above her head and the morning air was blowing the branches, causing more apples to fall to the ground.

Suddenly everything went deathly silent as a large but young bird of prey swooped over head. The smaller birds stopped chirping and the mice stopped scurrying. Gwen watched it glide effortlessly over the terrain above her head. She was entranced by its display before it finally swooped down to somewhere out of sight beyond the trees, doubtless clawing for some mouse or shrew.

Gwen stepped forward into the clearing and stared at the sky that the bird had occupied. She smiled and hoped it had succeeded it achieving what it was aiming for.

Absentmindedly she turned her head to look down the path. Then she was frozen.

Arthur was stood right in the direction she was looking.

He had been coming in the opposite direction and watched the same bird of prey flying above their heads. He had not noticed Gwen standing to the side behind the trees and was only alerted to there being someone else there once she stepped into the clearing.

The moment he saw her he too was frozen to the spot.

Everything went still again. The wind stopped blowing, the birds were silent again and even the apples stopped falling from the trees. They stared at each other as if not quite believing that they were facing each other.

To their eyes they looked perfect to each other; the sun made them look golden, like objects divine. The natural light helped create that illusion but it was more to do with the great and painful longing them had experienced being forcibly separated without goodbye and with belief they would never see each other again.

Remembering the hours she had secretly wept at the thought that she would never see Arthur again and that he would marry someone else caused tears to well up in Gwen's eyes.

She took a few steps forward. That was the moment Arthur came out of his daze and realised that she truly was there. He just wanted to watch her walk slowly towards him. He wanted to take in just how beautiful she looked especially in this light, in the dress she was wearing and with her hair loose about her shoulders...

But that train of thought broke as Gwen stopped walking slowly and ran towards him. Arthur immediately rushed towards her too. He didn't want to stand admire her like he had trying desperately to remember every detail about her during their separation. He wanted to hold her, touch her and kiss her.

When they finally collided Gwen threw her arms around his neck and Arthur wrapped his arms around her with such passionate that he lifted her from the ground, capturing her lips with his.

This contact sent shocks of emotion through their bodies. _It had been so long_. They clutched each other tighter and deepened their kiss as much their mouths and tongues would allow. It was like they were physically fused together. Their hold on each other and their maddening kiss became so tight and powerful that they became delirious.

They almost collapsed in a heap.

Arthur placed her down on the ground again. They broke the kiss, gasping for air lest they both faint. Gwen looked dreamily into his eyes, her own eyes hooded with pure love and passion. They stood staring at each other for five seconds. Nothing but their panting breaths sounded in their ears.

Their emotions began to heighten again.

Gwen smiled wide with happiness and Arthur reciprocated with his own ecstatic grin. They recaptured each other's lips, immediately coaxing each other's mouths open again. Arthur's hands spread down to her waist and he picked her up again, this time swinging her around and around. Gwen's chuckle was muffled through their kiss. Then when he placed her down again and their second passionate kiss was broke they proceeded to kiss each other fleetingly and repeatedly, over and over again...

They huskily spoke in between each kiss:"_Arthur_" _"Guinevere"_ "_I never thought..._" "_I know_" "_I can't believe it's you... oh god_!" "_I thought of you every day_" "_I never stopped thinking about you_" "_Never?" "Never" "Arthur..." "Gwen. Gwen. Gwen." "...Tell me you love me." "You know I do." "I love you too..."_

They broke the succession of kisses and remained still for a moment, forehead to forehead.

Arthur held Gwen before him by her shoulders. She looked up at him with a face that could only be described as 'charged'. Her smile was still creeping up across her face and she brought one of the hands she had knotted into Arthur's hair.

"I never want to stop kissing you," Gwen gasped, and kissed him again and then again, "Never."

He stroked his hand through her hair and she hummed a delighted 'hmmm' as her kisses continued from his lips to his neck. Then it was him that made the 'hmmm' of approval.

"Then never stop."

Gwen made no reply other than to kiss Arthur's neck more frantically, taking in the taste and scent of his skin. She reached up to his ear lobe and gently ran her tongue around it. Arthur pulled her closer and buried his cheek against her temple. He took in the feeling of her lips, tongue and occasionally teeth caressing his ear. He closed his eyes and wondered thought about what he wanted to ask her. Then he heard her whisper "_I love you_" again. The scorching feeling it sent to his nerves made him cease the moment.

Arthur pulled her away from him and looked her dead in the eyes. He had forgotten all the (pointless) advice and practising Merlin had put him through and just came out and said it. "Marry me."

He didn't even say '_will you_', just... "Marry me."

She took a sharp intake of breath. She didn't quite believe that he had just said that. That he had just asked her the thing she had longed to hear from him but never thought she would. Never in her life did Gwen think that Arthur would say "Marry me", but he just had. It took all her common sense and self-control (which was wavering bit by bit) that stopped her screaming _"Yes!"_ immediately.

"But your father—" she began in shock.

"Forget about my father," Arthur said passionately. "Forget my father, forget Elaine, my aunt, my title... _forget everything_! It's just you, me and Camelot... I love you. I want to marry you, be with you, and have children with you and... There is no other woman on earth that I want to do any of that with other than you. Marry me, now."

Gwen looked into his eyes and tried to read his expression. She didn't know what she was looking for—honesty, madness, love. There was plenty of love. It was a look that once upon a time when she was just a servant and he was a prince Gwen had once never imagined she would see in Arthur's eyes, and even if she had, it would not be directed at her. But it _was_ when he looked at her, and _only_ when he looked at her. It was a look that spoke volumes more than the words 'I love you' ever could.

"Arthur," she said, finally finding the words she wanted. "Are you asking me because you want to marry me, or because you don't want to marry Elaine?"

The question stung Arthur but he understood why she asked it. "Because I want to marry _you_," he said earnestly, so much so it sounded like he was chocking on his breath. "I cannot bring myself to marry anyone—because it means I can never have _you_."

Gwen swallowed. "You already 'have' me."

"But I don't!" he exclaimed, and clutched her hand. He held on to it like it was the only thing keeping him upright. "I _don't_ have you, certainly not now. My father exiled you because it was his only chance of convincing me to marry Elaine."

She looked away. "I heard that you were to sign the agreement to marry Elaine..."

He freed one of his hands and cupped her chin. "If you heard that then it's a lie. I haven't even spoken to my father since you left, I—I never could bring myself to forgive him for taking you from me."

Gwen smiled, moved by his words. "He could never take me away from you. I have always been yours, even though I was so far away."

"And I will always be yours too," Arthur said softly, "If you'll let me."

"Arthur... I'm worried for you," she said, leaning forward until her forehead touched his chin. "Regardless of your aunt's plan; regardless of whether she can convince Uther and Cador to go along with it and regardless of the war... a prince must marry someone of noble birth. I maybe dressed up and made to look like a lady... but I'm still a commoner."

"I don't want a lady," Arthur said firmly. "I want a _woman_. I want you and nothing anyone says or does will ever change that."

Arthur cupped her face again, this time with both his hands and held it so close that they could feel their warm breaths against each other's skin. They both smiled at each other.

"We knew from the start that it wouldn't be easy," he whispered sensuously. It made Gwen shiver delightfully. "We once said we would keep going until we stop; I never want to stop. I know getting married won't end the prejudice but if we love each other enough then I know we'll make it through any problem we face."

He reached for one of her hands and placed it against his heart. She could feel it beating warmly beneath her fingers. As if feeling his kisses and embraces wasn't enough to convince her that Arthur truly was standing there before her saying these things, then the beat of his heart did.

"This is yours," Arthur said simply, his voice cracked from emotion.

There weren't enough words to describe how much he loved her. Not even one of his letters could express it. Not even a legend or story retold throughout the ages could capture how he felt. Only Arthur could understand how much he loved Guinevere, and he knew that no one could possibly love her as much as he did.

Gwen was silent. She had suspected from Cador's all-knowing behaviour and optimistic certainty that he had to knew something wonderful was going to happen here at Tor. It was more wonderful than Gwen would ever have dreamt. Her heart felt as if it might explode within her chest; she was struck dumb by her anticipation. She took hold of his free hand and placed it firmly against her left breast so that he could also feel her pounding heart.

"And this is yours," Gwen said slowly, tears welling in her eyes. "It keeps going because of you."

He still kept her going even now.

"Guinevere," Arthur choked tenderly.

He wanted to choose the right words but found it very hard. He had thought about writing down what he wanted to say but decided to say it purely from the heart. He only wished he was more at one with words. The truth was anything he said at that moment would have sounded beautiful to her. His inadequacy with words and nervousness had always been a trait Gwen adored about him. Arthur's uncertainty showed how honest his feelings were, how they consumed him...

"I wouldn't ask anything unless I truly meant it and you know that."

She knew that was true.

"This isn't something I have impulsively decided to ask you," Arthur went on, and tightened his grip on the hand covering his heart. "This is something that I have wanted to ask you for a long time now." He tensed up with the anger he felt with his father over everything that has happened. "Then my father sprung this thing upon me," he loosened himself and smiled down at Gwen's shining eyes, "but never did I let it hinder my hopes. It was either you or no one."

Gwen sighed. Their relationship for all its romance had been hard, painful and difficult from the moment they faced each other that night on May Day. They knew it would be a tough journey – as Arthur had rightly said so – from the moment they gave in to their yearning. The pain they had endured would have broken apart even the strongest love. Yet here they were. Arthur had fought so hard for her, the handmaiden. Gwen had suffered so much for him, the prince. They were still drawn back together and they still loved each other.

Arthur brought rest his forehead against Gwen's again, their hands trapped together between them.

"You don't have to marry me now but..." and he freed one hand to retrieve the ring from his pocket, "all I ask is for a promise that – if you love me as much as I love you –you will take this ring and one day marry me. If you make me that promise then I could wait forever. I just need to know that one day..."

Arthur's words made happiness wash completely over Gwen. Marriage would join them together but the pressure would still be on them. The oncoming war would drag them apart and society would still sneer. But Gwen believed that their love would endure and Arthur's words confirmed it. She knew it would endure. It always had and it always would.

She didn't want to waste a second longer fearing anyone else. This was about her and Arthur. It was only about them.

"Arthur," Gwen said a little shakily through her smile. She placed her hands on either side of his face and brought him closer still so that they were nose to nose. They both laughed before she kissed him again.

He kissed her back. When he broke it he saw her expression was calm and determined. He waited for what she had to say.

"Ask me again," she said softly. Arthur felt his chest tighten and Gwen finally let her smile spread across her face. She took his hands and said the words again. "Ask me again and I will answer."

Arthur did not hesitate a moment longer. Smiling modestly and still holding her hands he went down on his knees. He wanted to do it properly this time. There was a moment's beat before he finally said the words.

"Guinevere, will you marry me?"

She chuckled happily before falling into him. She dropped to her knees in front of him so that they were level and wrapped her arms around his neck again. Before she at last kissed him again, she gave him her answer.

"Yes."

The moment she finally said "Yes" Arthur kissed her as madly as he had when he first saw her standing there, looking for him. They stood there on their knees for what felt like forever, just kissing each other at length, and over and over again. Had it been a fantasy rather than reality they might have laid down there beneath the trees and continued to kiss and caress. But they had a wedding to go to.

Arthur pulled Gwen to her feet and, without a moment's thought, swept her off the ground without any effort. She laughed a kept clutching to her neck.

"Where's Cador?" he immediately asked.

She pointed ahead. "He's just through those trees, him and a whole party from Cornwall. He's not just here to unite us; he's here on a pilgrimage."

"Good for him." Arthur hoisted Gwen up securely and began to walk on before he remembered Merlin and Gawain. He groaned and turned around, still holding Gwen, "Merlin! Gawain! We're going to Saint Michael's, hurry up!"

Gwen laughed. "You brought both Merlin and Gawain?"

"I thought we needed witnesses," he told her seductively. "But now it seems we're going to have a whole damned pilgrimage as an audience." He turned around and shouted again. "Come on, you two! Shake a leg!"

He then proceeded in the direction Gwen had told him.

She laughed again. "You can put me down if you want."

"No, I like this. It makes me feel romantic."

Merlin and Gawain rushed out through the trees to the path that Arthur and Gwen were on at that moment. The sight of them together was undoubtedly a relief to both. They looked at each other and grinned before they followed on after them. From here they would meet with the Cornish party and then Merlin would finally meet this uncle of Morgana, the famous Cador. Then it would be to the chapel and then... then another story would begin.

Merlin couldn't help bursting out laughing. He hoped it would be an even better story than the one that had ended here.

And to think it all started with a letter!

...

_"You are not going to carry me all the way up that hill!"_

_"I'll take you all the way to the altar or die trying."_


	22. Afterward

**Title:** To You, an Admirer  
**Characters:** Arthur, Gwen, Merlin, Morgana, Gaius, Uther, The Dragon, OC and semi-OC characters.  
**Pairings:** Arthur/Gwen, Merlin/Morgana.  
**Rating:** PG-13/12/T  
**Overall summary:** Albion is on the verge of war. When Arthur and Gwen fall in love their entire world is set to change forever especially when they come to the attention of Uther and Arthur's aunt, the powerful Queen Anna. Meanwhile Merlin tries to help Morgana decode a recurring dream prophesising imminent change.  
**Notes from author:** Any mistakes are my own here. This fic was originally inspired by a red herring from Digital Spy: "Gwen writes a love letter to Merlin—but mistakenly sends it to Arthur."  
**Warnings:** Contains spoilers for all of Series 1. Light sexuality in later chapters. Contains semi-OC characters featured in Arthurian legend and use of 5th/6th British geography to map Albion.

**Special notes:** Due to the extreme length of the final chapter (~25,000 and counting) and LJ basically sucking at word counts I will be posting this final chapter in parts (again) until it's done. I am STILL on hiatus but I wanted to post this so I can get on with my essays in peace without thinking about posting this part.

-

Arthur awoke the next morning.

The sound of birds and the last drips of rain ebbed into his consciousness. He finally opened his eyes at a disgracefully late hour. He lay on his back completely dazed yet invigorated. The sun was shining so brightly through the red curtains straight ahead that it was clearly at least ten or even eleven in the morning. The fact was it was almost noon.

He stared blurredly towards the light and, for a brief and worried moment, Arthur wondered whether all the memories that he had of the day and night before – of finding Gwen and marrying her at Tor; of meeting his father and aunt and them all returning to Tintagel; of the new and ratified treaty between Uther, Cador and Anna; and of retiring to bed with Guinevere and making love deliriously for the first time since her exile – had all been a dream or early morning fantasy.

But it was all momentary. Arthur knew it had to have all happened. He remembered the anticipation he felt as he, Gawain and Merlin travelled towards Tor, the dread of waiting for Gwen to arrive and the overwhelming joy he felt the moment he saw her. He remembered carrying her towards the chapel (They had to drop mid-way as the castle was so very steep).

"_Maybe I should try carrying you?" _Gwen had joked as he picked her up again.

Arthur had managed to laugh._ "A tiny little thing like you couldn't even tackle a bulky chap like me."_

"_We'll see about that tonight."_

"_I can't wait to see you try—"_

"_Oi!" _Cador had gasped as he trekked along behind then, both Gawain and Merlin giving him assistance as he stumbled backwards. He spoke in a stern (yet clearly joking) voice. _"I'll be having none of that! I'm a modern man, Arthur Pendragon and realise you have had pre-marital relations with my charge here... but no dirty talk until she has that ring on her finger."_

Then there had been the walk to the chapel. The small travelling party waited outside as the altar was just a tiny room in the chapel. Only Cador, Ysgudydd, Merlin, Gawain and the bride and groom themselves were inside. That didn't stop the travelling party poking their heads through the door, and silently waiting for the priest to appear.

Arthur nudged Gwen playfully and smiled. _"We've only got two people on each side."_

"_I have a whole party from Cornwall,"_ she corrected him. _"They just can't fit in the chapel."_

"_I guess you're more popular than I am."_

"_Indeed_," Gwen whispered teasingly. _"Merlin is my friend too, you know. He could easily be on my side as well."_

The ceremony was very simple. Cador gave Gwen away and both Merlin and Gawain messed around while trying to hand Arthur the wedding ring. The priest tied their hands together and personally wished them all the luck in the world. He wasn't so detached from Dumnonian politics to know that the man was Prince Arthur of Camelot and the girl was not a princess or lady of any kind. He also knew the absence of Uther could only mean this was an elopement of some kind. Most of the marriages conducted at Tor were elopements.

They kissed for the first time as husband and wife to the excited applause of Merlin, Gawain, Cador, Ysgudydd and everyone else that had accompanied them to Tor. Like their previous kisses it had lasted longer than a virtuous kiss on the lips accustomed to weddings. Even the presence of the priest didn't deter them from making their kiss last no less than ten seconds.

When it finally broke they remained nose to nose, smiling.

"_You're stuck with me now,"_ Arthur said sexily.

She stroked his cheek lovingly. _"Thank goodness!"_

It wasn't just the vividness that stopped Arthur fearing for too long that it had all been a dream. It was the realisation that the bed in which he was lying in wasn't his and the room was a completely different layout to any bed in Camelot. He was also comforted by the fact that it wasn't the twittering of birds that he could hear from the window but the sound of water. The only birds that were audibly clear were the seagulls.

But that wasn't all.

He felt a hand rest gently onto the centre of his bare chest. Arthur turned his head away from the window and looked up. In his weary state he hadn't thoughtful about the pressure resting on his abdomen. It was only then he realised that Gwen was sitting on top of him, straddling his stomach. Her expression watched him curiously, her hair was loose about her shoulders and she was, Arthur noted pleasantly, very naked.

Then again so was he. She looked down at him with an air of entitlement. He couldn't stop staring at her.

Gwen chuckled. "I see it still takes you a while to get going in the morning."

Arthur took all of three seconds to make his reply. "That's what _you_ think!"

He immediately sprung into action, rolling Gwen off from on top of him to under him and pinned her beneath him with fuelled and passionate kisses. It didn't a lot for Arthur to become aroused in the 'morning' when Gwen was concerned. Especially with the euphoria of last night still fresh in his mind. Just thinking about it made him want her all the more now. Never had he really had the chance to enjoy her 'physical company' first thing in the morning or even the pleasure of having her remain with him all night after they slept together.

It still hadn't quite sunk in yet that they were married. _Married_!

As Gwen looped her arms around Arthur's neck and hooked one leg around his waist the thought came to both of them. No longer were they doing this with fear of someone catching them and walking in on them. Now they were married the lovemaking was to be encouraged; babies come faster to young, energetic and 'loved-up' couples. Not that having a child was on their minds. Certainly not!

But they were actually married!

Gwen hummed in pleasure at that mere thought as Arthur kissed her lips over and over again with tenderness yet hunger. Now she could kiss him whenever she liked. And touch him...

He gasped as she reached to touch a particular part... just because she could. "Guin_evere_..."

She laughed and kissed him again.

The only thing they had to fear now were giggles from Merlin and Gawain as well as a possible tut from Uther once they finally emerged from the bedchamber at lunchtime. Not to mention an accompanying by a joke that Cador was certain to say, they were allowed to spent the day in bed given that they were 'newlyweds'.

Yesterday evening when Uther realised there was nothing he could do about the nuptial union he agreed to enter talks with Cador (with Anna present) but not before he bashed Cador for his role in the entire affair. The Duke hadn't paid much attention. The moment that Uther and Anna arrived at Tor to meet with him he had focused more on Anna. The King of Camelot was not surprised, given that she was a co-conspirator and the unmarried Duke's only love.

Anna didn't play on that fact though and seemed to try and maintain a respectable distance between them. Nonetheless she still smiled cheerfully when Cador saw her for the first time in years and said; _"Anna Dubois... longer time goes on, the more beautiful you become."_

Uther was having none of this nonsense. _"I will hear these talks but not before I speak my mind!"_

"_Surprise, surprise,"_ Cador said sarcastically.

"_The way the pair of you have approached this alliance is a _disgrace_ on the title of queen and duke,"_ he snapped back at him, giving Cador the 'evil' scar of doom.

"Just because it was too clever for you to figure out," Cador remarked.

Anna stepped in at that moment. _"We are not here to fight. These personal grudges me nothing now we are here. I suggest we return to Tor and discuss this alliance like monarchs responsible for land and people, not pathetic little children."_

Arthur, Gwen, Gawain and Merlin watched the entire exchange from a hillside curiously. Uther glanced in their direction and leaned closer to Anna and Cador. _"It is all very well for you two making this plan but I'm the one that has to prepare _that girl_ for respectable society."_

Cador scowled. _"I don't appreciate my charge being referred to as 'that girl', Uther. I don't refer to my niece in that way in front of you. And how dare you suggest that she is unfit for your _tin-pot_ kingdom. She's worth _a million_ of the simpering sheep populating _your_ court."_

"_And the society on your _own_ tin-pot castle on Tintagel is so much better? How rich that you are so protective of a girl you have been protector of for all of four weeks,"_ Uther snapped sarcastically.

"_Our ears are burning!"_ Arthur shouted over from the hill top to his father. His expression was stony although he clutched Guinevere close to him.

Uther turned back to Cador.

"_Fine, I don't appreciate the daughter of my old friend _– that you killed_ – being referred to as 'that girl',"_ Cador retaliated harshly_. "I came here to make peace with the past, Uther. I came on a pilgrimage to be of use to Albion. I am more than happy to talk with you. However if you continue to talk to me in this way I will gladly take my gold, my armies and promise of land elsewhere."_

Anna glared at Uther (and Cador) for their idiotic arguing. It just proved her point that men should stick to being warriors and let the women take care of forging the alliances. She understood that Uther was angry but after she had explained at length the purpose and plan the whole way to Tor she had hoped Uther would behave a little bit better. How foolish of her to think so!

"_You embarrass no one but yourself,"_ Anna scolded him quietly.

Uther felt uncomfortable about the way she said that; she almost sounded like Igraine when she reprimanded him for his hotheadedness. It was the only trait (Apart from physical aspects such as blonde hair) that Anna seemed to share with Igraine; the ability to make him feel guilty without actually yelling at him.

That was the point he finally decided to let his anger go. Or at least bury it inside him so that he wouldn't get talked down to by Anna any more. He agreed that given the circumstances it was vital that they came to an agreement over the treaty and that he would go with everyone back to Tintagel to work it out.

It had been a spectacular sight for the people of Cornwall once the now even larger party had crossed over the border at the Tamar and on their way to Tintagel. It had been many years since they had seen their Duke never mind see him inviting other rulers over to his castle at Tintagel.

It was already late afternoon by the time they returned to the castle. They all got off the ferry. Cador and Uther fought over which one of them would help Anna out of the boat as, for some reason, Uther did not trust Cador with his former sister-in-law. His concern over the matter made Anna's eyes roll. Merlin was perplexed by the whole thing and started to wonder whether there was a past hidden somewhere between Cador and Anna.

But Anna was sensible and merely thanked both of them indifferently for the aid. She could have got out of the boat herself.

Arthur and Gwen had been caught in their own world, barely noticing the arguments and petty histories between the 'adults'. Anna, however, noticed the dreamy state the new couple were in and quickly took an opportunity of introducing herself to Guinevere properly. "I hope to see you more often," she said with a smile before she left to aid the two men in the treaty plotting, "If you ever need any help or support then just let me know. Both of you."

Gwen realised then where Prince Gawain had inherited his family loyalty. Despite having been a woman that Gwen had feared above all others for so long during her relationship with Arthur, it seemed she had completely misjudged the northern queen. She too hoped to see more of her and fully intended to seek Anna's help in the future. Now she too was a royal lady she felt she would need it.

"_I've always liked my aunt,"_ Arthur confessed as he and Gwen walked alone on the hills and cliffs above the water. He wanted to get a feel of the life his wife had been leading the last few weeks. _"When I was a child she was always kind to me. She's the only member of my mother's family I know. I always imagine my mother looking similar to her."_

Gwen slipped her hand into his as she glanced quickly behind her; Merlin and Gawain were also walking along the cliffs about ten metres behind them. They knew to keep their distance from both the couple and the three monarchs trying to reach an agreement.

Arthur smiled and clutched her hand tightly. _"I never thought I'd see you again."_

"_Well, you did. No matter what happens during those talks they can't keep us apart now," _Gwen said, and drew herself closer to him. Her hands rested steadily on his chest.

He smiled and leaned down to give her a kiss which, like so many of the others today, she reciprocated gladly. All she could think about was the fact that he was here with her now and that nothing could take him away from her. She wouldn't let it, and neither would he.

Arthur broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. _"Is it so indecent to be thinking about going to bed?"_

Gwen laughed. _"We should probably wait until your father and aunt finish talking with Cador. They might want to..."_

"_What?"_

"_I don't know... talk to us?"_

The prince chuckled. _"Talk to us? Alright fine, we'll wait for them to finish but – like I said – I intend to bid them goodnight."_

Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck. _"I'll bet you do."_

The talks went surprisingly well once Uther realised exactly what he was getting out of the alliance. Anna knew if all else failed in getting Uther to see reason she could dazzle his eyes with offers of protection and money to keep him calm. She knew his main fear was falling victim to an attack; his greatest fear (apart from the four kings turning on him) was Cenred allying with Claudius and the Mercians as he was an ally of Bayard, and invading Camelot.

"_I highly suggest that you arrange peace and alliance talks with the neighbouring kingdoms of Camelot,"_ Anna told Uther two hours into the meeting. _"Cador is protected by three and two thirds borders of water but you our surrounded by frightened minor kings who might be persuaded to turn on you if they think Cenred will attack. He hates them just as much as you."_

"_I have always been on good terms with Olaf and Margh,"_ Uther said.

"_Margh is an old man,"_ Cador reminded Uther. _"Very soon he might be dead, and he has always named you and Arthur as protectors of his kingdom. The other kings are _all_ friends with Margh. I think it would be best if you go to him and suggest an alliance. He will be able to nudge the others towards Camelot."_

"_All the kings have wordlessly agreed that Arthur is the natural heir to all the kingdoms,"_ Anna added, as if she needed to remind Cador of the fact. _"Well all but Melwas—but then he is only in his thirties and might yet marry and have children."_

"_You should get in there fast,"_ Cador told Uther with sudden urgency. _"Get Melwas into an alliance before he can challenge Arthur. Like Anna said Melwas is young—he might even try to marry Olaf's daughter to try and strength his claim over Arthur's."_

Anna laughed. _"I hear the girl is a trial and a fool. Her father keeps her very snug."_

"_That won't matter to Melwas if he gets what he wants,"_ Cador reminded her. _"He can't keep her smug forever; she'll have to marry one day."_

There had followed a long silence.

"_I imagine the kings would be more willing to fall behind you Uther if you finalised this treaty with Cador and I immediately,"_ Anna said softly. _"No one in the south is as frightened of my husband's wrath as they are of Cador's 'idleness'."_

Cador smiled.

Uther nodded._ "Very well—I finally see what you have been saying, Anna. We must finalise this treaty at once and let it be known throughout the land that Uther, Cador and Lot (or rather you, Anna) have signed a binding contract of alliance."_

Anna grinned and said, "_Halleluiah!_"

After that the discussions went on without a hitch. They drafted up the finalised document with the help of some of the officials Uther and Anna had brought with them to Tintagel (Áedh had been one of them) and Cador's own officials boated in for the day from the mainland. It was agreed that that the treaty of alliance should be signed in a public ceremony and, so it appeared to all and sundry that the alliance had always been as it was now (Rather than being a brilliantly engineered plot by the Orcadian queen), that the ceremony would be held in Camelot. It would avoid Uther looking like a fool in front of the other kings.

"_After all,"_ Anna told Uther as they added the final touches to the treaty, _"the other kingdoms don't know for certain what is going on. The spies for other kingdoms know you and I have been in contact with Cador – they don't know it was over the exile of 'Guinevere' – and all know I have travelled to Camelot to finalise a treaty. If Cador announces the same then all will be saved."_

"_They'll find out that the girl—"_

"_Your daughter-in-law"_

"_Is... of the background she is."_

Anna shrugged. _"Like I said she is now – and will be announced as – the charge of the Duke of Cornwall. I doubt any of your petty southern kings will say anything bad about her publically. They'll be too frightened of Cador now he's back into society."_

"_And what about the alliance they thought we were setting up for Elaine?"_

"_It was just a rumour,"_ Anna assured him. _"Nothing was ever signed officially stating that Arthur would marry Elaine. It'll all be forgotten in a few weeks time, nothing to worry about."_

It was late by the time they had agreed on the best terms and plans for the treaty. It was the usual sort of thing; armies would be promised to Lot and in return the kingdoms of the north would protect the interests of Camelot (and her allies, Anna added); the alliance between Camelot and Cornwall would be strengthened by the marriage between the prince of the former and the adopted daughter of the latter, and Cador agreed that his land would be passed on to Arthur upon his death. The list was endless and exhaustive of every tiny detail.

When the three peacemakers finally emerged from the study it was already evening. They walked into the dining room to find everyone taking dinner together. Arthur and Gwen, Gawain, the officials from Camelot, Eidin and those at Tintagel, and even Merlin were all celebrating the marriage of the new royal couple. Uther commented on the presences of servants and nobility all eating dinner together as being 'unorthodox but expected' given that the only friends the bride probably had were servants. Arthur might have launched at him had Gwen not just chuckled at what the king said; never before she would have dared to do that.

Anna laughed too. _"Just ignore him. He'll get over it eventually."_

Arthur damned well hope so as he couldn't promise to keep his temper forever if his father continued to be haughty. It made him feel ashamed two years or so ago he was _just_ like that himself. He was just glad that Gwen didn't seem to be bothered by anything Uther said.

"_I've been called worse names,"_ she told Arthur.

Arthur wouldn't let the names continue. He promised himself that at that very moment as he shot his father another fierce glare.

But Uther didn't want to remain on bad terms with his son. He was acting up merely because he was expected to more than he was bothered. The thought of having a commoner as a daughter-in-law still shocked him but it wasn't like it was the end of the world. Besides a commoner in a royal position might be useful politically in keeping the proletariat in line; he could distract them with Guinevere's presence. It wasn't the nicest thing to feel pleased about but it was, admittedly, the first thing that popped into Uther's head at that point.

When Arthur finally judged it decent enough to declare he was tired and wished to go to bed everyone decided to call it an 'early night'. It had been a long day and everyone was rather tired. Everyone expect Arthur or Gwen. They were rather invigorated having refused any wine or heavy food that would make them tired. He might have leaped on her the moment they returned to Tintagel had she not suggested they wait until the talks were finalised. In the ain scheme of things Arthur realised she was right.

They had felt a little embarrassed by the jeering from the travelling parties and the chuckles from Merlin and Gawain. Arthur couldn't help noticing that his servant and cousin had become good friends over the course of the journey. He told Merlin that he would not need his assistance for the rest of the night and Gwen told Ysgyrdav and Ysgudydd the same.

After a day of showing Arthur around the place that had more or less been her prison for the last month Gwen showed him the chambers in which she had dwelt. He wasn't as interested in that as he had been with the views from the cliff or the legendary cave of Eluned. They were both more interested in getting re-acquainted with each other.

"_I know this is not Camelot,"_ Arthur said. They slowly undressed each other, using all their power not to just rip the material from their bodies and grasp at each other, flesh on flesh. _"I know this is not actually our marriage bed. I know this isn't even our first time together..."_

Gwen kissed him tenderly on the lips. _"It is our first time as a married couple."_

"_You don't mind, do you?"_ Arthur asked, distracted as her hands slid up his chest to shoulders to hold her half-clothed body against him. _"That it isn't our first time. That we didn't wait...?"_

She kissed him again. _"I'm glad we didn't. For a long time I thought that was all we would ever have. I wouldn't give up the memory of that midsummer for anything."_

That had been the first time. Midsummer. It had been three nights before that they had agreed to take _that_ step. They had snuck away from the bonfire early without anyone noticing and gone back to his chambers. Gwen could remember everything about it so vividly; it had been painful but she hadn't cared. The sun never went down that night and it had all added to the atmosphere. It had been wonderful. Even Merlin and Morgana didn't know where they had gone, but they had the sense to lie about it to Uther when he asked both of them.

"_Besides,"_ she said, reaching down to pull off his shirt. _"I'm rather glad we got all that awkwardness out of the way. At least we know what we're doing tonight."_

Arthur rolled breathlessly to one side, now fully awake and satisfied. It had been the first time he had felt so pleased to see a new day in a long time. The thrill of knowing that every morning he woke up he would turn over to see Gwen and not an empty space just added more and more to his satisfaction. He hummed pleasantly as she rolled to her side and ran her hand across his chest.

"Still think it takes me a while to get going in the morning?" Arthur asked, lopping his own arm around her waist to pull her closer.

Gwen chuckled and kissed his shoulder. "You certainly showed me. That was lovely."

He lifted his head slightly. "Lovely? Is that all? I might have to 'show you' again."

"I wouldn't want to tire you out on our second day married," Gwen said teasingly. "Lovely is a good compliment."

"_You're_ lovely."

"Lovely? Is that all?" she replied, copying his tone.

"Alright then," Arthur said enthusiastically, rolling her onto her back again and plating swift kisses over her lips, neck and chest. Gwen laughed as he did so. He kissed each time he listed a quality. "You're lovely, and pretty, and intelligent, and beautiful, and sweet, and wonderful, and amazing, and..." he stopped for a moment before he kissed her again, "And I've run out of words, so I'll say beautiful again..."

"Your wide vocabulary is a treat for the ears, Arthur" Gwen joked. "It really is."

"Did I mention 'beautiful'? I could write you a letter, listing your qualities?" he suggested humorously.

"I'd rather you just kept kissing me."

"Then who am I to refuse my wife?"

He continued to kiss her for another few minutes or so before Gwen shifted to sit up. Arthur leaned up too. "We should get up," Gwen told him. "It's late."

"Why are we going somewhere?" he asked sarcastically.

"I just think it's time we got up," she told him, moving out from under him.

"Do we have to?"

"We don't have to but we should."

He kissed her again. "I'd rather just stay here."

"We can continue with this later and any time we want. You haven't even spoken to your father since... well, since I left before."

Arthur sighed and pulled himself out of bed. "I have nothing much to say to him."

Gwen sat up, clutched her knees and rested her chin again them. She watched as he started to get dressed, delaying doing so herself. "We're together now and the treaty is signed," she said softly. "You can forgive him now."

"It doesn't matter that the treaty is signed now; when he sent you away he did so wanting to get rid of you," Arthur said bluntly, and he spun around to look at her. He felt warmth run through his heart at the sight of her sat up in bed, calm and serene. "I still can't... forgive him for that."

She bit her bottom lip. "The last thing you want to do is be on bad terms with your father when you have to go off and fight in Lot's war."

A dart of pain shot through Arthur's chest. He didn't want to think about the war. It wasn't guilt over leaving things badly with his father that worried him; it was being separated from Gwen. He didn't know how he was meant to survive without her sensible advice, her understanding ear and her sweet body to keep him company. It almost felt like he'd be losing her again. He didn't want to think about it.

"You're right," he sighed in admittance. "I just... I just can't explain to you how much it hurt that he did _that_. I was locked up in those dungeons and... I didn't even get to say goodbye."

Gwen moved forward, wrapped the bed sheet around her and placed her hands on his chest. "I know but I'm here now. It hurt me too, not saying goodbye."

"I wanted to make him hurt as much as he hurt me," Arthur went on. "But not speaking to him... it just didn't cover how much I was hurting. There was nothing short of stabbing him through the heart that could match how he hurt both of us. Even then it would be half the pain."

She stroked his arm. "Let's not think about it anymore. I'm not saying you have to forgive him straight away, but don't block him out forever. If you do that he'll never accept us."

Arthur didn't want that. He was more concerned for Gwen's sake then for his father's. He could live without his father's constant wrangling but he didn't want to make things harder for Guinevere. He wanted her to live as peacefully and happily as possible as his wife. He didn't want his father to resent her for the fact that Arthur couldn't forgive him. And he would – that was the way Uther's mind worked.

"Things will get better," Gwen added softly. "I know it will."

Arthur leaned forward to kiss her again. He then moved away to put his shirt on, and changed the subject slightly.

"Did you hear that father and Anna plan for us all to return to Camelot to finalise their treaty?" he asked her and he moved over to get it.

"I heard it," she said quietly. "I'll be strange to go home again."

"Everyone has missed you."

"It won't be the same," she chuckled nervously. "When I left I was just the servant girl Gwen. Now I'm going back and I'm the wife of the crowned prince. It'll be strange."

"You'll get used to it," he smiled back. "Just think about all those people that called you names falling over each other to pay you tribute... and you can tell them where to stuff it."

Gwen laughed. "I hadn't thought about it like that."

"That's because you're too nice. They'll all be kicking themselves once news reaches Camelot of our marriage and father's acceptance of it. I like Sir Ector and Lady Ector will die!"

"Has Kay finally asked Gladys to marry him?" Gwen suddenly asked curiously.

"Yes," Arthur replied. "He asked her just after you left. I think he was worried any longer might lead to disapproval from his stick-arsed father and mother. Gladys is a bit older than him after all."

"I'm glad he's happy," Gwen said with a smile. "I have always liked Lady Bedivere-soon-to-be-Kay."

"You could have her as one of your ladies-in-waiting," Arthur suggested, jumping down onto the bed to get his boots on. "You can have up to three of the lower ranking noblewomen to be at your constant back and call. When you're queen you can have another three and maids of honour."

"How exciting," Gwen said jokily. "I think it would be nice to have Gladys. I don't expect her to like me back but—"

"She likes you," Arthur assured her.

"As a servant..."

"As a person, I promise you" he told her, and turned around to face her. "More people like you then you think. The whole of Camelot fell behind you when Elaine turned up, not that Elaine was all that bothered. Sir Leon's wife couldn't stop talking about you, either."

Gwen laughed. "I have _always_ liked Lenora!"

He laughed too and then looked down at her still unclothed body. "You aren't dressed yet. Do you need any help?"

"Oh ho!" she remarked in amusement.

The suggestion was clearly meant to be teasing and flirty but Gwen found the concept of him dressing her funny, given she had spent her whole life dressing other people. She would like to have seen him tackle some of the fastening on the dresses she now wore. Even she had some difficulty with them and had to ask Ysgyrdav to help her. She would miss Ysgyrdav and Ysgudydd when she went home.

She lay back in the bed and sighed happily.

"You were the one that said we should get up," Arthur said.

He hypnotised at being able to see her through the white bed sheet. He thought he might get used to seeing her naked, but he didn't.

"_You_ were the one who wanted to stay in bed," Gwen replied huskily. "I've never seen you dress yourself before."

She reached out to stroke his arm again.

That was a good point – she hadn't seen him dress before. She always felt too early in the morning to see him put his clothes on. It was a unique sight that now she was bound to see every morning for the rest of her life now.

Arthur kept staring at her. "Aren't you getting up then?"

"In a minute," she said with a coy smile.

It was strange but although Gwen was still a little awkward with sounding overtly sexual there was something unbelievably seductive about her coyness. The muscles in Arthur's stomach just twitched at the thought of it. He could feel himself starting to get worked up again. It was really counterproductive to having just dressed himself. Suddenly he felt more at a disadvantage than she did, and she wasn't wearing anything.

Gwen continued to rub circles into the skin of his hand. Arthur twitched again. "I thought you said you didn't want to tire me out," he croaked.

She shrugged her shoulders slightly. "You were the one that wanted to 'show me' again. Do you feel tired out?"

He swallowed thickly. "No."

"Well then," she said, and moved her hand away. "You've shown me that you can dress without help. Now, let's see how quickly you can undress without help."

It was another half an hour Arthur emerged from Gwen's chambers. He was lucky enough to bump into Ysgyrdav on the way out. She was a little surprised and flustered to see Arthur. She was an old woman but even she could appreciate the young prince's good looks – she finally understood why Gwen had longed and wept for him. He asked her if she was busy, to which she said no.

"Good," he said, pointing into the bedroom. "Gwen is having trouble with doing up the fastenings on her dress."


End file.
